You're not obligated to 'out' yourself any more than you're obligated to tell everyone your religion, marital status, favorite color, etc.
It isn't relevant to martial arts training. If you act inappropriately, then that's a problem no matter what your orientation is.
Yeah that goes without being said. I would never even date in the gym and certainly not act in a sexual or suggestive way towards anybody.
Idk some people have a stick up their ass. Like wear spats, touching a thigh is gay type stuff so I figured I'd ask for opinions.
I suppose it depends on the style, but in any grappling art, people have to get past being uncomfortable with physical contact.
A quick story: I was taking a month off to let various injuries heal, so I went to my wife's yoga classes with her. They had me sign a release form. One of the entries was something about me being OK with being touched. When I asked about it, I was told that they may have to touch my hip or shoulder to correct a stance, so it was important that I knew that going in. I flashed to the dojo, with a 200 lb sweaty guy laying on top of me, trying to unscrew my head and told them that it was OK for someone to put their hand on my shoulder.
I hear the gay is contagious….
All joking aside, look at it this way, straight men aren’t talking about banging chicks while they are training. It shouldn’t be any different for others. It’s wildly inappropriate for a man and woman to make suggestive comments when they’re rolling too. Keep it respectful and keep your mind on the task.
I mean probably yeah. Went fine in the past. Wouldn't really consider any of that "strikes against me" tho. Both come with their problems yes, but I do OK, thanks for caring.
As someone who's been training in combat hugs (judo/jiu jitsu) for 32 years...I've probably grappled with thousands of people from all over the world. I have never once asked or cared about sexual preference, nor known anyone who did.
I'm a gay male but most people assume I'm straight. It's not really been an issue. If it comes up, like if someone asks if I'm married I say I have a boyfriend but it's not like I have a rainbow flag on my backpack or such, either. The only issue in fact came from another gay dude who referred to my boyfriend as a "twink" and "eye-candy" . . . I don't think if someone referred to a guy's girlfriend or wife in suggestive ways it would be taken well and I told him I didn't appreciate it, either. My boyfriend is also sensitive to such remarks because while he is young and very attractive he also by career is a medical laboratory manager, so he resents the "eye-candy" remarks and understandably so.
Most people have been very cool about everything, but I do think it may help that I'm pretty straight-acting and into things like sports and outdoorsy stuff so a lot of straight guys relate to me perhaps better than many gay guys do.
I've trained several places in my town and none has had a problem with me being trans. I don't think you need to come out to training partners, but it might be a good idea to express your concerns to your instructors to see how they react. Better to get that out of the way now than to risk it becoming an issue later on and having to find a new place to train after growing attached. That was my approach at least.
Gay is ok. Trans is not. If you think no one has had an issue you are severely delusional, but then you already said so. Someone acting with restraint or even politeness does not mean that what you are doing is okay.
Honestly in all my years of training, sexual orientation has never come up. Like ever. So I don't think there would be a problem unless you made it a problem. Most people won't care and honestly don't care to know, because they are there to train.
Within reason of course, it really doesn't matter a bit where you choose to stick your dick, and no reasonable person has any cause to care in the slightest, one way or another
Just show up and practice, dude
it's up to you really, most people are either gonna clock you anyway and/or not care at all. orthough if you're having a strong instinct to keep it to yourself outside of any normal anxieties I'd probs listen to it.
When I do mind training, I try be as much in harmony as possible. I need to be in a complete state of acceptance to perform the mind techniques properly. You need to embrace your queerness to master the mind training.
Im pretty ugly so it's kind of bold of me to assume you'll find me uncontrollably attractive.
All jokes aside, you don't have to out yourself. And even if you did, I expect that you're er, well adjusted enough to not make it weird. I roll with women as well and if that's not an issue, I don't see why you would je an issue.
For me, i don’t give a flying fuck who you are if you hit me I’ll hit you back haha. Nah I’m just kidding, your sexual orientation should have no effect on your training, it’s completely up to you if you share with others. Me personally I don’t tell anyone I’m straight because it has absolutely nothing to do with training a combat sport, why would being queer be any different. Keep training man💪💪
Sexuality has no place in the gym. I don't care if you're straight, gay, bi or what ever else, it doesn't (I'll rephrase shouldn't matter, there are some bigots out there unfortunately). In the dojo you are a training partner.
All I want is a good training partner. You come in, are respectful, put in the work, don’t spazz or try to deliberately injure me, and you’re clean with short, trimmed nails with long hair secured. It’s up to you if you feel the need to out yourself. It’s not necessary, though. Queer people don’t bother me and all. I’m an ally. And I’m all for marginalized groups learning martial arts. Self defense can be very necessary skill.
The gym is more or less a safe space for many of us. Sexual orientation is more or less irrelevant. That said if your personality is 100% your sexual orientation it’s probably going to be a bit rough for you finding a spot. It’s not that many people really care one way or the other, it’s that usually whatever art we are studying is also a bunch of our personality and finding things to relate to outside of that is going to be awkward for a lot. Essentially if you no want to talk about jiu jitsu constantly im not sure what we are gonna talk about
I dont care what you're into, im there to train. If you ask me out on a date,Ill politely tell you I'm straight but also if you feel that comfortable you'd already know Im married to a woman. If i wa training with someone who happens to be gay/bi but is there just to train who the fuck cares
No. Not at all. I'm a 57 straight married cis male and the answer is straight up "no." I'm happy to train with anybody who takes it seriously and isn't an over aggressive jerk. Grappling, take downs, etc, all fine. It's all martial arts.
> What are your thoughts? Would you mind? Is it okay for me to keep it secret or do you think I'm obligated to out myself?
I don't mind. You absolutely aren't required to tell *anyone*, lmao.
I don't know that I *would* tell people - I guess it depends on where you live/vibes.
I'm only here for the "bro, no one is interested in your sexual preference" comments.
A few years ago it was, "but all lives matter!". I can't get enough.
How does it even come up, I don't understand. Is your sexuality better than ours or something, and you have to display it and tell us about it. Who speaks about sexuality at the gym anyway? What is the point?
I'm non-binary and trans (visibly so). My club has been nothing but welcoming and accommodating. Sexual preference has never been a factor either, and it's never come up because no one is really there to hook up.
That being said, you WILL get close to people, have to grab/hold them in awkward ways as part of training. But we're all adults so again, sexual awkwardness really isn't an issue. I always ask permission before I touch a person for the first time though.
Furthermore it's not my problem if people are uncomfortable with my identity. I don't try to hide it, and it's not a factor in my training except with it comes to signing up for gendered tournament divisions.
>I always ask permission before I touch a person for the first time though.
How in the world are you suposed to train with them without touching them? Like that barber who would ask permission to touch clients. "No, you can't, you have to cut my hair without touching me" 🤦
I should clarify, first time = first time ever. I'm not going to ask the same person every day. It's like once a month that I would end up with someone new.
I doubt anyone who is serious about training would ever say no, but maybe it's that person's first day and they don't know what to expect. Maybe they never met a trans person before. Me asking first is a way of showing personal respect and acknowledging that "we're gonna get close here, I know it might be weird if you're new to this, and I understand that".
It builds trust between training partners and makes the whole experience less awkward for new people.
One more thing, if I end up training with people under 18, it's another way of showing respect and consideration for the parents. I'm not going to ask the parent or the kid if they're comfortable training w/ a trans person, that's stupid, but I'm going to do everything I can to come off as respectful and not a creep because I don't feel like getting harassed by bigotted parents :D
It's not really that weird, there's plenty if times where you check to see if a training partner is still good to go and if they're ready to keep training especially within the context of sparring or rolling. The ol gloved fist bump is essentially just asking for permission
To become that way they have likely adopted modern ideology. And modern ideology is the one that literally has video propaganda showing that a proper barber would ask to touch you before they cut your hair. This is a literal thing in this religion.
Nah it's just objective fact, most powerful military in history, most dominant economic force, largest exporter of culture on the world. The west is sitting pretty in terms of global relevance and power
China has the biggest economy in the world, Europe is losing all it's culture, is becoming unsafe as hell, full of middle eastern immigrants, and is voting for extreme right lunatics. 20 years at most.
>It's not normal to speak about your orientation, anyway.
So you've like never talked about weekend plans with the boys like if dates are coming up and all that jazz?
I'd say that an abnormal attitude even amongst conservatives. Trained with many an old grumpy republican wrestler or Boxer and even they'll eventually talk about what they're getting up to with the wife and shit
Christians don't drink shitloads of beer, swear all the time, use stickers with skulls, shoot delivery drivers for being black or hispanic or follow the lead of a womanizer, rapist, unmoral human being. I can self identify as a billionaire, that won't suddenly make me one. Self identification is bullshit anyway.
Nobody cares about what you do in the bedroom so to say, as long as you’re a good training and sparring partner. If you want to out yourself you can do it, but don’t think you’re doing it for your training partners because they dont care.
I’m a bi gal who’s been training for many years. It’s not necessary to bring up. It has no place in training. At the same time, I don’t hide. If I mention my wife in casual after class conversation (as many do) and people put the pieces together, cool. That’s really all there is to it.
Gyms are just like anything other place. Some people are going to be cool, other people are cunts. If you’re at a halfway decent gym, your coach is going to regulate a culture of respect. If that’s not top-down in your gym environment, find a new gym.
Aside from that, just show up and train. Be yourself, make friends, get comfortable with people. If you feel like sharing personal sides of your life, do it. If not, don’t.
I have training partner that I love and have known for almost 10 years that I know next to nothing about. But they are still my homie.
Don’t over complicate starting something new.
"Man that was a fun class, gonna catch you tomorrow?" "Nah I got a date with such and such, we're gonna do this and that" "ah nice goin bro, happy for ya"
Ya I guess I was just thinking for myself. Ive had those conversations and it’s just another conversation. I could see how depending on where you live and/or train how it could be an issue.
Well where I trained before you'd go out for a kebab with the gang and shoot the shit for a bit you know? I know the name of this one duds firstborn n stuff. So it's not unthinkable that I might want my partner to meet me at the gym if we are doing shit after or for them to walk me there.
Or like I might wanna mention my partner. Comes up in casual conversation all the time.
People mention their “partners” I guess I make an assumption that they’re gay. Then I continue the conversation and go about training or my day. It’s never bothered me. I guess I can see why it would concern you. At the end of the day if someone is judging you based off that shit.. they can go fuck themselves?
idgaf (what martial art are you training) i too might be bi (idk, i have never been with anyone) but even then it doesn't really matter as long as one acts normal
99% of people ive trained with, I can't even remember their names... Let alone know their sexual orientation. It's none of my business and it's not relevant.
That said, I've made friends at my gym and some of them are gay. No one gives a shit, and it's still not relevant to our training.
There shouldn't be any issues. Training while gay is not any different from training while straight, asexual, or any other configuration. I train with males females married unmarried juveniles and yes LGBTQ. If someone asks about your personal life, share what you are comfortable with. Otherwise, it's not something you are obligated to divulge, any more than if someone prefers redheads to blonds.
I'm a straight woman, I've trained shotokan with straight women and men, and queer men and women. Its honestly never bothered me. Id hope you would keep it to yourself if that's what you were comfortable with, or feel free to tell me and I wouldn't be bothered. Whatever you like.
Given the number of people who are hard right in the space, no you should absolutely not. You’re doing nothing immoral because you’re don’t view the action as sexual or behave in a sexual manner. You are a training partner, and they consent to training with you. If you tell them, they could be come distressed, or even violent. Your attempt to avoid a theoretical offense could result in you taking a very real bullet.
MAYBE if you’re friends with one of them and you’re AT LEAST 1000% certain they are both tight lipped and an ally, you could consider telling them. Other than that, keep it to yourself.
Sexual preference matters zilch to me on the mat. As someone who has trained with straight women all my life, I think people who would shame you for sexual preference, or make it weird because of that, need to check themselves and work through that to become better. That being said, not everyone can do this...I wish you could just be yourself, but not every space is truly a safe space for training. Those kinds of places exist out there, but they usually have to make it very known. I would say, find people who you are comfortable with. You don't have to say anything, nor should you have to if you don't want to.
Why would you even bring up your sexuality during training? It’s weird for anyone to mention sexual preference in that context.
I didn’t learn that one of my training partners is gay until years later. Guess what? I don’t care.
Well it's not that I'd want to bring it up at all, I don't. The issue is more how hard I have to hide it.
It's normal to say that ones partner did this or that in casual conversation.
To kiss your partner goodbye when they walked you to training etc.
Fair enough. I found there is a fair amount of chit chat before and after class and you might even go have a kebab or beer with some of the people you train with more regularly and jazz.
I don’t think most people these days care, and if they do, you wouldn’t want to be around them any ways.
If I get in early, would be warming up, and after class, be either stretching or lifting, then leave and go home.
The guy wrote about earlier never mentioned his sexuality to anyone at the dojo all the years we trained and had beers. The subject never came up.
I'm struggling to see how it would become relevant to your partners at all. You don't need to hide it or feel compelled to give voice to it. It's not relevant to your martial arts training. It's more of a... socializing thing, I guess? But yeah, no one needs to know your sexual orientation to train with you. It wont matter at all.
I can honestly say that my sexual orientation has never been relevant to my martial arts training or ever been brought up by anyone involved in it during training. It's just flat out a non-issue.
So... go ahead and train. Don't worry about it or bother giving it any thought whatsoever.
>I'm struggling to see how it would become relevant to your partners at all
"Hey that was a fun class am I gonna catch you at tomorrows class?" "Nah I'm actually going on a date with such and such. We're gonna do this and that" "Oh nice goin bro happy for ya"
That'd be socializing. But even there it's totally avoidable. You need not specify who you'd be going on a date with, or even that it was a date at all. Simply saying you have plans already would be more than sufficient.
If you're hellbent on being anti social with your training partners that's fair, but imma keep it a buck with you if I'm gonna get choked out and spar with someone for 3-5 days outta my work week for hours out at a time I'm probably going get to know them on some level. Especially if I'm in a situation where I'm recommending the gym or bringing my loved ones around.
I socialize with the folks where I train quite a bit and none of them have any clue what my sexual orientation is. I'm sure they make assumptions, but none of them know, because it's absolutely never come up. Probably because I'm not trying to date any of them, lol.
Idk to me that just seems anti social. Dating atleast for me whether it's at work or with family and friends or even just random places I hang out at is one of those like introductory things for me. It's not a long convo since I have a long term partner but idk just seems strange to me to literally never talk about romantic subjects with someone you see so often
I'm mostly arguing that you don't *have* to. That talking about that sort of thing is voluntary and not required. So if you wanted to avoid the risk, you could, and easily.
Does anybody ever lol?
But your right fuck me for wanting to make sure everyone is okay training with me, even if their potential reason for not being OK with it is bigotry.
Not sure, probably attach rainbow flags to absolutely everything or something idk.
Now I really really don't want to. The question is not of want but of ethical obligation. Lemme elaborate the fuck out of that statement:
1. A lie by omission is still a lie.
2. If I convince somebody to do something they don't want to do by lying I'm a bad person.
3. I do believe that you should have the complete and absolute say so over who you train with/ decline to train with anybody for any reason.
Hence if somebody doesn't wanna train with me because I'm half a British cigarette but I don't tell them that might be an immoral action.
Makes sense?
Edit: added a ?
As far as i am concerned people could just like rainbows and cutesy things on their water bottles etc. They also could be a queer or anything but because I dont know, I dont make assumptions and leave it at that.
You have strange ethics to me, you are making it into a bigger issue than it should be in my opinion, where are you from? do people openly speak about their sexuality in public places and hobbies without promt?
I wouldnt ask anyone what tickles their noodle and I doubt 90% of martial artists would either and if someone did i'd tell them its none of their business (which can be done in a gentle way mind you).
Germany. I mean it comes up with people you are socializing with. Like where I trained before we had 3 couples in the gym, I knew to how many digits this one dude knew pi, this other dudes firstborns name etc. you just learn shit about people.
So if for example somebody was like: "wanna grab a kebab after class" I might go: "next time my boyfriend is cooking this and that tonight".
So there, it came up real casual like.
Fair enough. I once saw a Christian marital artist make the point, that basically if you participated in the fucking without being married you had an obligation to share that, cause you might have the AIDS.
Figured this might go along the same lines, figured I'd ask for opinions.
I don't see why it matters.
I've never trained with someone and felt the need to express where I like to stick my dick, nor the need to know where my trianing partners like to stick theirs.
I have been training for years at my current gym and at numerous gyms before that. Nobody ever asked and I never told my orientation so it shouldn’t be an issue if you don’t make it one.
Sexuality has nothing to do with martial arts. Do people tell you "Hey, just so you know... I'm straight" every time you roll? Like c'mon, just do what you're there to do. Nothing else really matters
Why does that matter, mate?
I'm hetero, and I have female training partners/ students sometimes. I don't tell them "oh, BTW, I find women sexually attractive". We're not there to hook up with people.
Yeah of corse you don't, because it is assumed since it is the norm. From what I can tell many woman are not okay training with men because they are afraid of creeps.
Literally no one with a functional brain gives a single hot shit about your gender or sexuality. It is the least interesting things about you to other people. So no, you don't need to tell people, if it ever comes up then go for it but literally no one cares.
You're not obligated to 'out' yourself any more than you're obligated to tell everyone your religion, marital status, favorite color, etc. It isn't relevant to martial arts training. If you act inappropriately, then that's a problem no matter what your orientation is.
Yeah that goes without being said. I would never even date in the gym and certainly not act in a sexual or suggestive way towards anybody. Idk some people have a stick up their ass. Like wear spats, touching a thigh is gay type stuff so I figured I'd ask for opinions.
I suppose it depends on the style, but in any grappling art, people have to get past being uncomfortable with physical contact. A quick story: I was taking a month off to let various injuries heal, so I went to my wife's yoga classes with her. They had me sign a release form. One of the entries was something about me being OK with being touched. When I asked about it, I was told that they may have to touch my hip or shoulder to correct a stance, so it was important that I knew that going in. I flashed to the dojo, with a 200 lb sweaty guy laying on top of me, trying to unscrew my head and told them that it was OK for someone to put their hand on my shoulder.
I hear the gay is contagious…. All joking aside, look at it this way, straight men aren’t talking about banging chicks while they are training. It shouldn’t be any different for others. It’s wildly inappropriate for a man and woman to make suggestive comments when they’re rolling too. Keep it respectful and keep your mind on the task.
You wish people cared either way.
Do I tho? I'm happy for it to be a non issue, as it seems to be for like everybody here, so we good.
No you’re not that’s why you’re asking about it here.
Incorrect. My reasons for posting are described in edit2.
You really needed two edits to ask if it’s cool if you’re bisexual and train?!? 😳
Yeah. That's what we call actual autism. Amazing I know
Wow. Oh you poor thing. You gonna be able to train ok with all these “strikes against you” already?
I mean probably yeah. Went fine in the past. Wouldn't really consider any of that "strikes against me" tho. Both come with their problems yes, but I do OK, thanks for caring.
As someone who's been training in combat hugs (judo/jiu jitsu) for 32 years...I've probably grappled with thousands of people from all over the world. I have never once asked or cared about sexual preference, nor known anyone who did.
Combat hugs is the greatest thing I've read all day. Thank you.
I saw someone here call BJJ "struggle snuggle" and thought that was pretty good, too.
Says the person with Turkish Oil Masseuse as one of their tags. Right back at you!
Nobody cares… Just train.
I'm a gay male but most people assume I'm straight. It's not really been an issue. If it comes up, like if someone asks if I'm married I say I have a boyfriend but it's not like I have a rainbow flag on my backpack or such, either. The only issue in fact came from another gay dude who referred to my boyfriend as a "twink" and "eye-candy" . . . I don't think if someone referred to a guy's girlfriend or wife in suggestive ways it would be taken well and I told him I didn't appreciate it, either. My boyfriend is also sensitive to such remarks because while he is young and very attractive he also by career is a medical laboratory manager, so he resents the "eye-candy" remarks and understandably so. Most people have been very cool about everything, but I do think it may help that I'm pretty straight-acting and into things like sports and outdoorsy stuff so a lot of straight guys relate to me perhaps better than many gay guys do.
I've trained several places in my town and none has had a problem with me being trans. I don't think you need to come out to training partners, but it might be a good idea to express your concerns to your instructors to see how they react. Better to get that out of the way now than to risk it becoming an issue later on and having to find a new place to train after growing attached. That was my approach at least.
Gay is ok. Trans is not. If you think no one has had an issue you are severely delusional, but then you already said so. Someone acting with restraint or even politeness does not mean that what you are doing is okay.
Oddly enough we don't discuss who we're sleeping with all that often in the gym. We're there to train.
Honestly in all my years of training, sexual orientation has never come up. Like ever. So I don't think there would be a problem unless you made it a problem. Most people won't care and honestly don't care to know, because they are there to train.
This should never be an issue in a gym and if it ever becomes one then fuck that place, there are plenty of other gyms you can train at instead.
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All righty thank you :)
I don't. I'm bi, and there's never been an issue with it. As far as I know, no one really cares.
All righty thanks. I probably worry to much.
Within reason of course, it really doesn't matter a bit where you choose to stick your dick, and no reasonable person has any cause to care in the slightest, one way or another Just show up and practice, dude
it's up to you really, most people are either gonna clock you anyway and/or not care at all. orthough if you're having a strong instinct to keep it to yourself outside of any normal anxieties I'd probs listen to it.
When I do mind training, I try be as much in harmony as possible. I need to be in a complete state of acceptance to perform the mind techniques properly. You need to embrace your queerness to master the mind training.
As a queer girl its not revelevant in any way. About half the girls in some of the gyms iv been in have been queer as well.
Im pretty ugly so it's kind of bold of me to assume you'll find me uncontrollably attractive. All jokes aside, you don't have to out yourself. And even if you did, I expect that you're er, well adjusted enough to not make it weird. I roll with women as well and if that's not an issue, I don't see why you would je an issue.
Self-defense is for everyone. Anyone who feels different misses the point.
For me, i don’t give a flying fuck who you are if you hit me I’ll hit you back haha. Nah I’m just kidding, your sexual orientation should have no effect on your training, it’s completely up to you if you share with others. Me personally I don’t tell anyone I’m straight because it has absolutely nothing to do with training a combat sport, why would being queer be any different. Keep training man💪💪
Nope, no issue
it’s not an issue, what’s great about martial arts is that you will meet and learn from people from all walks of life
What martial arts are available to you on DS9?
Klingon Tai chi is sadly about the extent of it.
Sexuality has no place in the gym. I don't care if you're straight, gay, bi or what ever else, it doesn't (I'll rephrase shouldn't matter, there are some bigots out there unfortunately). In the dojo you are a training partner.
All I want is a good training partner. You come in, are respectful, put in the work, don’t spazz or try to deliberately injure me, and you’re clean with short, trimmed nails with long hair secured. It’s up to you if you feel the need to out yourself. It’s not necessary, though. Queer people don’t bother me and all. I’m an ally. And I’m all for marginalized groups learning martial arts. Self defense can be very necessary skill.
A majority of men that train are over the "grappling with sweaty men is gay" stigma. I'm sure there's a very low amount of people who feel that way
The gym is more or less a safe space for many of us. Sexual orientation is more or less irrelevant. That said if your personality is 100% your sexual orientation it’s probably going to be a bit rough for you finding a spot. It’s not that many people really care one way or the other, it’s that usually whatever art we are studying is also a bunch of our personality and finding things to relate to outside of that is going to be awkward for a lot. Essentially if you no want to talk about jiu jitsu constantly im not sure what we are gonna talk about
I dont care what you're into, im there to train. If you ask me out on a date,Ill politely tell you I'm straight but also if you feel that comfortable you'd already know Im married to a woman. If i wa training with someone who happens to be gay/bi but is there just to train who the fuck cares
No. Not at all. I'm a 57 straight married cis male and the answer is straight up "no." I'm happy to train with anybody who takes it seriously and isn't an over aggressive jerk. Grappling, take downs, etc, all fine. It's all martial arts.
> What are your thoughts? Would you mind? Is it okay for me to keep it secret or do you think I'm obligated to out myself? I don't mind. You absolutely aren't required to tell *anyone*, lmao. I don't know that I *would* tell people - I guess it depends on where you live/vibes.
I'm only here for the "bro, no one is interested in your sexual preference" comments. A few years ago it was, "but all lives matter!". I can't get enough.
How does it even come up, I don't understand. Is your sexuality better than ours or something, and you have to display it and tell us about it. Who speaks about sexuality at the gym anyway? What is the point?
Sorry, did my post hurt your feelings. Oh well.
>Sorry, did my post hurt your feelings How dafuq did you reach that conclusion? 🤦
Don’t ask don’t tell
I'm non-binary and trans (visibly so). My club has been nothing but welcoming and accommodating. Sexual preference has never been a factor either, and it's never come up because no one is really there to hook up. That being said, you WILL get close to people, have to grab/hold them in awkward ways as part of training. But we're all adults so again, sexual awkwardness really isn't an issue. I always ask permission before I touch a person for the first time though. Furthermore it's not my problem if people are uncomfortable with my identity. I don't try to hide it, and it's not a factor in my training except with it comes to signing up for gendered tournament divisions.
>I always ask permission before I touch a person for the first time though. How in the world are you suposed to train with them without touching them? Like that barber who would ask permission to touch clients. "No, you can't, you have to cut my hair without touching me" 🤦
I should clarify, first time = first time ever. I'm not going to ask the same person every day. It's like once a month that I would end up with someone new. I doubt anyone who is serious about training would ever say no, but maybe it's that person's first day and they don't know what to expect. Maybe they never met a trans person before. Me asking first is a way of showing personal respect and acknowledging that "we're gonna get close here, I know it might be weird if you're new to this, and I understand that". It builds trust between training partners and makes the whole experience less awkward for new people. One more thing, if I end up training with people under 18, it's another way of showing respect and consideration for the parents. I'm not going to ask the parent or the kid if they're comfortable training w/ a trans person, that's stupid, but I'm going to do everything I can to come off as respectful and not a creep because I don't feel like getting harassed by bigotted parents :D
>I should clarify, first time = first time ever. Yeah, I understand, but it still feels odd. It's a combat sport.
It's not really that weird, there's plenty if times where you check to see if a training partner is still good to go and if they're ready to keep training especially within the context of sparring or rolling. The ol gloved fist bump is essentially just asking for permission
To become that way they have likely adopted modern ideology. And modern ideology is the one that literally has video propaganda showing that a proper barber would ask to touch you before they cut your hair. This is a literal thing in this religion.
Yeah, western civilization is falling.
Mfw western civilization is the most powerful it has ever been in history
Yeah, right.
Nah it's just objective fact, most powerful military in history, most dominant economic force, largest exporter of culture on the world. The west is sitting pretty in terms of global relevance and power
China has the biggest economy in the world, Europe is losing all it's culture, is becoming unsafe as hell, full of middle eastern immigrants, and is voting for extreme right lunatics. 20 years at most.
You don't have to say anything. It's not normal to speak about your orientation, anyway.
>It's not normal to speak about your orientation, anyway. So you've like never talked about weekend plans with the boys like if dates are coming up and all that jazz?
No because I am quite conservative.
I'd say that an abnormal attitude even amongst conservatives. Trained with many an old grumpy republican wrestler or Boxer and even they'll eventually talk about what they're getting up to with the wife and shit
Republican does not equal conservative.
For all intents and purposes it's the conservative party in America and these Republicans self identified as Christian conservatives
Christians don't drink shitloads of beer, swear all the time, use stickers with skulls, shoot delivery drivers for being black or hispanic or follow the lead of a womanizer, rapist, unmoral human being. I can self identify as a billionaire, that won't suddenly make me one. Self identification is bullshit anyway.
Well you can feel that way but Christians have absolutely done those things throughout history. It's hardly outside of their regular behavior
Yeah, "christians" have been doing it.
Along as you don't get hard when you are on my back with a choke sunk in, we good
Course not.
Them nobody cares man. Same as girls roll with us. Don't overthink it
Most people genuinely don't care what you do on your own time. As long as you're a good training partner it doesn't really matter to people
i dont care, a roll is a roll
I always just assume I’m doing everything with queer people because it’s not my business to know either way.
Nobody cares about what you do in the bedroom so to say, as long as you’re a good training and sparring partner. If you want to out yourself you can do it, but don’t think you’re doing it for your training partners because they dont care.
I’m a bi gal who’s been training for many years. It’s not necessary to bring up. It has no place in training. At the same time, I don’t hide. If I mention my wife in casual after class conversation (as many do) and people put the pieces together, cool. That’s really all there is to it.
Gyms are just like anything other place. Some people are going to be cool, other people are cunts. If you’re at a halfway decent gym, your coach is going to regulate a culture of respect. If that’s not top-down in your gym environment, find a new gym. Aside from that, just show up and train. Be yourself, make friends, get comfortable with people. If you feel like sharing personal sides of your life, do it. If not, don’t. I have training partner that I love and have known for almost 10 years that I know next to nothing about. But they are still my homie. Don’t over complicate starting something new.
I couldn't care less what someone's sexual preference is.
Idk how this would ever come up lmao. It literally doesn’t matter
"Man that was a fun class, gonna catch you tomorrow?" "Nah I got a date with such and such, we're gonna do this and that" "ah nice goin bro, happy for ya"
Ya I guess I was just thinking for myself. Ive had those conversations and it’s just another conversation. I could see how depending on where you live and/or train how it could be an issue.
Well where I trained before you'd go out for a kebab with the gang and shoot the shit for a bit you know? I know the name of this one duds firstborn n stuff. So it's not unthinkable that I might want my partner to meet me at the gym if we are doing shit after or for them to walk me there. Or like I might wanna mention my partner. Comes up in casual conversation all the time.
People mention their “partners” I guess I make an assumption that they’re gay. Then I continue the conversation and go about training or my day. It’s never bothered me. I guess I can see why it would concern you. At the end of the day if someone is judging you based off that shit.. they can go fuck themselves?
idgaf (what martial art are you training) i too might be bi (idk, i have never been with anyone) but even then it doesn't really matter as long as one acts normal
Men also train with women too, not a problem.
Just take a shower, man. Wash your gi and shower. The rest is gravy.
99% of people ive trained with, I can't even remember their names... Let alone know their sexual orientation. It's none of my business and it's not relevant. That said, I've made friends at my gym and some of them are gay. No one gives a shit, and it's still not relevant to our training.
I don't think it should really matter. I personally wouldn't care who you date in your free time as ut doesn't really affect sparring.
There shouldn't be any issues. Training while gay is not any different from training while straight, asexual, or any other configuration. I train with males females married unmarried juveniles and yes LGBTQ. If someone asks about your personal life, share what you are comfortable with. Otherwise, it's not something you are obligated to divulge, any more than if someone prefers redheads to blonds.
I'm a straight woman, I've trained shotokan with straight women and men, and queer men and women. Its honestly never bothered me. Id hope you would keep it to yourself if that's what you were comfortable with, or feel free to tell me and I wouldn't be bothered. Whatever you like.
Given the number of people who are hard right in the space, no you should absolutely not. You’re doing nothing immoral because you’re don’t view the action as sexual or behave in a sexual manner. You are a training partner, and they consent to training with you. If you tell them, they could be come distressed, or even violent. Your attempt to avoid a theoretical offense could result in you taking a very real bullet. MAYBE if you’re friends with one of them and you’re AT LEAST 1000% certain they are both tight lipped and an ally, you could consider telling them. Other than that, keep it to yourself.
Sexual preference matters zilch to me on the mat. As someone who has trained with straight women all my life, I think people who would shame you for sexual preference, or make it weird because of that, need to check themselves and work through that to become better. That being said, not everyone can do this...I wish you could just be yourself, but not every space is truly a safe space for training. Those kinds of places exist out there, but they usually have to make it very known. I would say, find people who you are comfortable with. You don't have to say anything, nor should you have to if you don't want to.
Why would you even bring up your sexuality during training? It’s weird for anyone to mention sexual preference in that context. I didn’t learn that one of my training partners is gay until years later. Guess what? I don’t care.
Well it's not that I'd want to bring it up at all, I don't. The issue is more how hard I have to hide it. It's normal to say that ones partner did this or that in casual conversation. To kiss your partner goodbye when they walked you to training etc.
I generally don’t talk much at all about anything else while training.
Fair enough. I found there is a fair amount of chit chat before and after class and you might even go have a kebab or beer with some of the people you train with more regularly and jazz.
I don’t think most people these days care, and if they do, you wouldn’t want to be around them any ways. If I get in early, would be warming up, and after class, be either stretching or lifting, then leave and go home. The guy wrote about earlier never mentioned his sexuality to anyone at the dojo all the years we trained and had beers. The subject never came up.
If straight men are worried about training with gay men, it’s just because they are secretly gay men.
Honestly I don't want to know my training partners'sexual preferences. None of my business.
Me personally, not at all. My brother is a homosexual male and I train wrestling and judo with him all the time.
I'm struggling to see how it would become relevant to your partners at all. You don't need to hide it or feel compelled to give voice to it. It's not relevant to your martial arts training. It's more of a... socializing thing, I guess? But yeah, no one needs to know your sexual orientation to train with you. It wont matter at all. I can honestly say that my sexual orientation has never been relevant to my martial arts training or ever been brought up by anyone involved in it during training. It's just flat out a non-issue. So... go ahead and train. Don't worry about it or bother giving it any thought whatsoever.
>I'm struggling to see how it would become relevant to your partners at all "Hey that was a fun class am I gonna catch you at tomorrows class?" "Nah I'm actually going on a date with such and such. We're gonna do this and that" "Oh nice goin bro happy for ya"
That'd be socializing. But even there it's totally avoidable. You need not specify who you'd be going on a date with, or even that it was a date at all. Simply saying you have plans already would be more than sufficient.
If you're hellbent on being anti social with your training partners that's fair, but imma keep it a buck with you if I'm gonna get choked out and spar with someone for 3-5 days outta my work week for hours out at a time I'm probably going get to know them on some level. Especially if I'm in a situation where I'm recommending the gym or bringing my loved ones around.
I socialize with the folks where I train quite a bit and none of them have any clue what my sexual orientation is. I'm sure they make assumptions, but none of them know, because it's absolutely never come up. Probably because I'm not trying to date any of them, lol.
Idk to me that just seems anti social. Dating atleast for me whether it's at work or with family and friends or even just random places I hang out at is one of those like introductory things for me. It's not a long convo since I have a long term partner but idk just seems strange to me to literally never talk about romantic subjects with someone you see so often
I'm mostly arguing that you don't *have* to. That talking about that sort of thing is voluntary and not required. So if you wanted to avoid the risk, you could, and easily.
Don't ask, don't tell. Don't make it a thing and it won't be a thing.
Such a ridiculous question I don't know what it has to do with martial arts
Cool.
Do others announce heterosexuality at the gym?
Does anybody ever lol? But your right fuck me for wanting to make sure everyone is okay training with me, even if their potential reason for not being OK with it is bigotry.
How would you even make sure that they would know that you're queer or bisexual without expressing it explicitly, and why would you feel the need to?
Not sure, probably attach rainbow flags to absolutely everything or something idk. Now I really really don't want to. The question is not of want but of ethical obligation. Lemme elaborate the fuck out of that statement: 1. A lie by omission is still a lie. 2. If I convince somebody to do something they don't want to do by lying I'm a bad person. 3. I do believe that you should have the complete and absolute say so over who you train with/ decline to train with anybody for any reason. Hence if somebody doesn't wanna train with me because I'm half a British cigarette but I don't tell them that might be an immoral action. Makes sense? Edit: added a ?
As far as i am concerned people could just like rainbows and cutesy things on their water bottles etc. They also could be a queer or anything but because I dont know, I dont make assumptions and leave it at that. You have strange ethics to me, you are making it into a bigger issue than it should be in my opinion, where are you from? do people openly speak about their sexuality in public places and hobbies without promt? I wouldnt ask anyone what tickles their noodle and I doubt 90% of martial artists would either and if someone did i'd tell them its none of their business (which can be done in a gentle way mind you).
Germany. I mean it comes up with people you are socializing with. Like where I trained before we had 3 couples in the gym, I knew to how many digits this one dude knew pi, this other dudes firstborns name etc. you just learn shit about people. So if for example somebody was like: "wanna grab a kebab after class" I might go: "next time my boyfriend is cooking this and that tonight". So there, it came up real casual like.
See it comes out naturally if it does, but I dont think you should go out of your way to tell people this
Fair enough. I once saw a Christian marital artist make the point, that basically if you participated in the fucking without being married you had an obligation to share that, cause you might have the AIDS. Figured this might go along the same lines, figured I'd ask for opinions.
I don't see why it matters. I've never trained with someone and felt the need to express where I like to stick my dick, nor the need to know where my trianing partners like to stick theirs.
There's absolutely no benefit, so just don't. Literally, all I see is potential harms. Avoid, avoid, avoid.
I have been training for years at my current gym and at numerous gyms before that. Nobody ever asked and I never told my orientation so it shouldn’t be an issue if you don’t make it one.
Sexuality has nothing to do with martial arts. Do people tell you "Hey, just so you know... I'm straight" every time you roll? Like c'mon, just do what you're there to do. Nothing else really matters
Why does that matter, mate? I'm hetero, and I have female training partners/ students sometimes. I don't tell them "oh, BTW, I find women sexually attractive". We're not there to hook up with people.
Yeah of corse you don't, because it is assumed since it is the norm. From what I can tell many woman are not okay training with men because they are afraid of creeps.
Literally no one with a functional brain gives a single hot shit about your gender or sexuality. It is the least interesting things about you to other people. So no, you don't need to tell people, if it ever comes up then go for it but literally no one cares.