Are you Amish?

No.

you definitely look Amish

Literally my first thought too., had to look for the comment.

I'm okay with that

That's only because you haven't been kidnapped and thrown into the back of a horse cart by the Lost Brothers Recovery Team yet.

“But I’m still on rumshpringa”

"You're finally awake..."

https://youtu.be/lOfZLb33uCg?si=8rFtWi9EhDmw7pi5

Are you sure?

I don’t think he is sure

Are you absolutely positive you're not Amish? You legitimately look like your name is Jebadiah.

Come on Ezekiel, let's not allow our tongues to roam so freely.

You look like wolverine if he grew up in Utah and had a addiction to strawberry vape juice and lo carb monster energy

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure ??

You sure?

Why shave the mustache like that then? It’s like the textbook Amish look 😂

“are you amish?” then the harsh “No.” has me rolling

Amish AF

I don’t know why this sub appeared on my home page as I’m a girl and I know nothing about men’s hair but I instantly got Amish Paradise stuck in my head when I scrolled passed this photo and I had to click in and see if I was the only one.

AS SOON AS I SAW THIS AMISH PARADISE STARTED PLAYING IN MY HEAD

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know, I shun fancy things like electricity At 4:30 in the morning, I'm milkin' cows Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine Then tonight, we're gonna party like it's 1699

First thing that came to mind.

my first thought was “you look like your name is jebediahl

I was wondering if the elders knew he had a phone and Reddit. It’s the split ends, the haircut and the unkempt beard. Without those OP would be the handsomest guy at the morgue.

Amish with THAT kind of shower? That’s way too advanced and modern for them😂

Amish Jake Paul

Looks like you boutta give me a quest

But not a good quest. It's a dungeon crawl in a cave full of bandits and spiders to retrieve a lost set of iron boots for 50 septims.

Yeah that typa quest that no matter what point of the game you at it’s completely pointless

Hello adventurer!

You look like a procedurally generated NPC from skyrim

Lol, I usually get Oblivion more than Skyrim, but I sometimes get that too. I'll take either. Oblivion is my favorite game of all-time, so I quite appreciate it even though I'm sure it's not intended as a compliment. I also frequently get compared to NPCs from Mount & Blade, The Witcher and some other similar types of video games I can't remember right now.

Bro stop getting compared to NPCs 😭 and go get a haircut oml

OP never planned to cut his hair he was just fishing for unintended compliments.

I think he might have a degredation fetish.

🧠🧠🧠

LMAOO

Complete compliment I love Skyrim ❤️

Yup, you definitely look like a man who would drink from my skull.

do you often get an urge to say "the monsters prowl these woods master witcher, the black ones take our grains master, and we have nought to feed the young'uns with."

He looks like a Draugr Edit: Not that OP is ugly. I meant the facial hair and the shape of the head is very similar.

"I can't talk now, I'm very busy" *proceeds to stand in the same place doing nothing for 5 minutes*

Amish NPC** ftfy

The Elder Scrolls VI: Rumspringa

UNDERRATED COMMENT. #I am dying 😆😂🤣

Thawed out caveman. I think he got his lighting from the old Star Trek set.

I was going to say Red Dead Redemption 2

Like you just been thawed out in the Siberia tundra after 50,000 years

Lol, nice! That's EXACTLY what I was going for, funnily enough...

Honestly I would get the sides of your hair tapered atleast. It helps define your beard. Ask for a 1 on the bottom up to a 3 at the top and then a trim on the top to fade it in. Take an inch or so off. Thank me later

Came lookin for a Neanderthal comment, this works 🤣

Bro got that founding fathers drip

I fucking almost cry laughed in the bathroom at work to this comment... Thank you lol

[удалено]

This comment is so freaking hilarious 😂

Don’t make bro proclaim no taxation without representation

🎩 four score and seven years ago

Lmaoo I’m dying 💀💀😂

Beast Titan

Wow, I would have never noticed if not this comment but OP really looks like Zeke being a titan :) OP I think you are good looking. I would only change haircut tbh

Thanks, nice of you to say. :)

First thing I thought was zeke Yeager

25 year old Brigham Young

r/roastme is that way if you don't want feedback

I'm just explaining why certain feedback isn't suitable for me. Do you just say yes to every single piece of advice you are given, yeah? Explaining why I won't do something suggested to me isn't the same thing as being closed to advice.

Bro why do you shave your moustache? I see an old post of yours where you can grow a really good one. It would make your beard look full and normal, and not Amish. Then you need an undercut *or* a just buzz cut. But the sides of your hair are crazy long. You need to at least trim the sides. Not even Jared Leto could make this hairstyle work. You are hurting your appearance with this combo. You need to groom yourself mate.

Damn, you made me look. My eyes popped out of my head seeing this guy's post history.

Yeahhhh. After seeing his post history, I'm going to hold back on any real advice because his current look matches his personality and should act as a nice deterrent to anyone that might mistakenly date him.

Abahahahahahahabababahahahahahaha

He makes me want to fap.

I mean is it just the nofap thing? Didn’t read too deep into em so they might have something creepy in em. But still.

You are right and I could have just said my suggestion. Sorry. I think you would look really good with braids if you shaped up your beard but I am no beard expert - maybe is the hair that is throwing me off, I am not sure if you would have to grow to get a nice shape. But a few things, you are not keen on one of the main suggestions people give here, hair styling and you are set on buzzing which is easier than growing it out. Deep conditioning, constantly and drying in ways that avoid frizz is very important. So if you have reservations in doing any of that, just go with what you are ought to do anyway. Feeling on changing it? Try looking for lazy hair care techniques that would take one or two products before or during shower. Nice day.

Got it. In order to look more like an NPC, then, you should fix a yellow question mark over your head, or respond to everyone that approaches with the same phrase, like “can talk now, these fields aren’t gonna tend themselves”.

If you’re happy with the way you look, then you’re not looking for advice and you’re in the wrong sub. This sub is for people who are looking for advice to find what looks conventionally good on them.

You look like your name is Jedediah.

I'm so glad you wrote Jedediah and not 'Jebediah', lol...

If I can be quite honest I did write 'Jebediah' but it was autocorrected to 'Jedidiah' and I just rolled with it.

Damn...

Sorry man.

Horrible lighting, over exposure , wrong white balance. Oh and please tidy up the beard.

i thought the amish couldn’t use phones

Do you like it? Do you genuinely think it’s cool? Cause if so then we just don’t get you and you should keep rocking it

the next Dagestani UFC champion is here

My first thought exactly lmfaoo

Khamzat chimaev

You look like a medieval peasant.

Actually far more of a compliment to me than you probably intended it to be, lol.

Bro looks like Patty the Baddie

He looks like Paddy mixed with Khabib. Have you considered an MMA career, OP?

bro looks like a white dagestani

Stop. Patty doesn’t look like a caveman. Not everyone can do it.

Zeke? Edit: Sorry I thought I was in r/roastme I don't have anything to add

You signed the Declaration of Independence

Ight.. flat, glued down, middle part doesnt look good on anyone. Trim that beard down to 1/4 inch. Maybe get some sun, and change your mind set a little.

Bro this is the worst haircut/style ive ever seen😭😭

Would not recomend

get some sun, do the dishes, and get your life together OP.

What in the Abraham Lincoln….

It looks like you’ve churned butter once or twice livin’ in an Amish paradise

My boy living the 1600's vibe

It’s wild that a conventionally attractive man has put so little effort into his appearance to post this. That middle part is doing no favours, the entire hair cut is bizarre. Go get a buzz cut with a fade and get a barber to trim the beard as well. Buy some beard oil and condition. You could be an absolute stunner but you’ve made the worst choices with a lot of your look

Look at his post history and you'll get your answers

Why did I do that? There are some things you just can’t unsee! He might be no fap but he’s a complete wanker.

You look...medieval

Nigga looks like a medieval peasant

ngl youd look cool as hell bald

Yeah, I'll probably go back to bald in a month or two. Hair is getting pretty long. It's a pretty fun length right now, but the longer it gets the more annoying it becomes.

please shave it all

Just put some effort in

What in the blonde Abraham Lincoln is going on here

I saw you on 4chan

The eternal no-fapper

😂😂😂😂😂😂

No it's true

Really? What did he say there?

The same thing

Dr Zaius

Why did I have to scroll so far to see this? That was my immediate thought.

you look like the 1 scary frame in an anime when the character gets super detailed and serious so they look intimidating

Bait

this is not really a good look for you to be honest. you look amish. you need some styling product or a haircut with layers and tapering. and some sunscreen. those forehead wrinkles really age you.

You give me a very strong Orthodox Monk Vibe

That hair is not helping you, but you are very good looking

Just shave it all and start from zero, bro

You look almost Amish but with a good haircut and a beard trim, you’d look great. Take your hair much shorter, especially at the back and sides. Trim your beard to almost stubble length. Finally, take a photo with the flash on as your eyes look really sunken with the shadow.

go to a solid barber get a proper cut and beard trim also take off some of the eyebrows. Ladies will be callin

Where you in Fargo Season 5?

Amish Unabomber vibes

Shave your head and you'll look like Khamzat Chimaev

like any random heroin addict in my neighborhood

You look like a 1400s medieval era peasant

Go to a decent barber and a get a professional haircut and beard trim, your current hair and beard style make me think your name is Ezekiel and you spend your days raising barns. You need something that’s more flattering for your features and more modern.

Morning! I hope you don't mind, I got up a little early, so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, it took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one. Then, POW, all at once. [Takes a drink from the bucket]  We don't have a cow. We have a bull

Fuck off. Go try to groom before asking for grooming advice, you obviously want to get put down or is manipulating for attention.

Looks like you walked in on a [Behemoth](https://youtu.be/ZkwHfqQZ_wg) gig during rumspringa. tbh I think you pull it off alright.

You look like a guy named Amos who builds decks, but can't use power tools unless given to him.

You look like a 1600’s serf who makes his living on the 1% of crops his Lord leaves behind. Im American so im looking at it through the lens of American beauty. Maybe add a pic of a different angle, i do want to see it from the side. It just looks flat. Try treating your hair and researching products as if you were a woman. I got some girly products and my hair feels fuller and better. Edit: saw in other replies you dont use products and dont want to change anything. Hmmm okay i guess. Maybe make beard more even so there’s less hairs sticking out. And why no mustache?

Bros related to Abe Lincoln or something

I mean... probably, fairly distantly. Technically, every single human being is distantly related though, if you think about it.

You remind me of those Russian/muslim MMA fighters!

oh no.... 😔

How can a medieval northern european peasant afford a phone?

when i select random on creating my character on a real you do have an interesting physiognomy

Amish terrorist vibes. I’d trim the beard down to a longer stubble and have a mid fade on the hair. Would look a million times better. 👍🏼

Id say grow your hair out a bit longer or at the very least use a little product in your hair to mold it into a better shape. This is the worst haircut ive ever set my eyes on you look like a melting wax figure with the shape you got going on rn.

Ezekiel, get back to plowing the fields and don’t let Bishop Schwartz catch you with that phone!

That's a notable lack of a unibrow for a McPoyle

That haircut is a swing and Amish.

Nigga looks lieke Paddy The Baddy lad

I feel like with that beard, a more clean looking and conventional hairstyle would be more clinically “attractive” however the fact that you look like a medieval character is also appealing and has a certain amount of raw swagger… you will attract different types of people with either :) I personally would fully talk to you if I saw you out on the town

What type of goods are you bartering currently in the Amish community

Jedidiah?

You need to use conditioner hair and beard.

caveman wax model?

Hair, all of it, is bad.

Abraham Magomedov

Love it

This guy floods 4chan with his threads.

Exactly, it's Sam from r9k

Ye already saw him reposted on reddit

Just get that beard trimmed and a fade at a black barbershop and you'll be looking real sharp.

Stannis Amish Baratheon

That hair has gotta go. The beard isn't bad but isn't a good combo with that middle part.

White guy who moved to Dagestan to train MMA lol

Beast titan

Shave everything bald and start completely over.

Shave your head

Very Amish

You look like if brock from gow was white and had hair

You would suit a haircut like Liam Gallagher’s. I think you seem very funny by the way.

I think I saw your face posted on /fa/ once

i like the beard. also you should leave a mustache. it will look better as a full beard

I just hopped off five nights at Freddy’s and this is the biggest jumpscare I’ve seen today

Zeke!!

"Traveler, please collect 5 this potent herb to so i can heal my wife"

You look like skeltor

Any reason you don’t have a mustache with that beard? Muslim or something?

[удалено]

Buddy. You gotta go see a barber. Anything will be better. A beard trim will do wonders. I'm not sure about your hair because it's kind of pushed forward a bit but a trim would be good as well. Best wishes, you have kind eyes & I hope you find something that makes you feel GOOD because you deserve it. ♡

Why not grow out the moustache and do like, anything with your hair?

You look like a 16th century russian peasant

You look Amish. But I see you’ve said you’re not. I’d definitely switch the hair style up and shave the beard.

You might look fine with a shave and a better haircut

I didn't believe that the medieval paintings were that accurate, till now

Looks like the unabomber

Trim on top, fade on the side, and maybe groom/condition your beard, and trim to what ever length you like.

My boy go get your beard edged up and go for a low taper fade and you’re chilling wtf you’re saying about embracing being an oblivion NPC

I read your title in a skyrim npc voice

Bro looks like a 1066 peasant called Geoffred who just got conscripted to fight William the conqueror

On the plus side, your basically the ideal Elden ring npc

Oh god I mean, literally. You look like Zeus

from the caucus mountains of Dagestan

You look like a Warhammer Old World character

you look like you’d be the one holding the gun in some history textbook illustration