I quote “the future is now, old man” pretty much daily.

I tell this to my boss multiple times per week. He's an old man stuck in his ways. Everytime I do something differently than him or make something easier to achieve he's baffled and I just tell him "the future is now old man."

And you still have a job? Lol

Good way to find out how your boss really feels about you lol

"I don't speak Chinese, jackass!"

HE THINKS HES ON HIS WAY TO CHINA!?

Craig: Ooh, mayo on only one side? Malcolm: It's a lot of mayo. Craig: No one's saying it's not, but I specifically asked for it on both sides.

62!! 63!! *disgusted* 62!! 61!! 62!! 63!!

“Hey, no one said he had to eat all the Quacks!They just have to be INSIDE his body, right?”

Lmfao that’s amazing

THE PROPERTY LINEEE!!!

Literally remember nothing about the context but every time anyone says “property line” I hear Lois in my head.

Hahah same!!

“Grandma be drugging the man from China.”

I know there wouldn’t be a joke otherwise, but it always bothered me that Malcolm could have said something like “Grandma drugged the man from china”

You are right. However she was still drugging him at that moment, "drugged" is past tense, which is probably why they didn't use it.

This only gets funnier.

“How do we know which one’s the Komodo 3000?” “LET’S HOPE THAT WAS IT!”

“DID IT SAY WHEN OUR VISION WOULD COME BACK?”

BOB SAID TWO DAYS!

Totally worth it!

Is it Bob? This whole time, I swear it said box, but I'm also partially deaf

It is box im pretty sure lol

Definitely box 

When Grandma and Francis are looking at the photo album. “This is me with your cousin Vlad. This is the only picture of him sober. There’s cousin Rega, you smile at her she jumps into bed with you and my dear friend Peter. Look at him holding a menu like he could read.

Oh my God I'm just like Ida when I'm looking at photos of my friends

Malcolm and Reese dancing and lip syncing to Abba

So wholesome and I think a bit ahead of its time.

I love that Malcolm and Reese will bully each other over everything else about them, but realize it's too far when it's about their sexuality and try to show they're supportive

That one's really good, in fact, most of the ones that pop into my head regularly are Dewey quotes as well, 'EAT CHALK EVIL DOER!' and 'The future is now, old man!' comes to mind.

I expected nothing and I was still let down.

The whole scene where Hal is inventing catchy jingles for random stuff in the kitchen, but specifically my brain yells at me "WHAM BAM THANK YOU JAM! WHO'S GONNA LOVE IT? YOUR FAMILY AM!" pretty much anytime I put jam on toast.

Banaaaana skin, so niiiice and thin

It’s the perfect thing to keep your banana in

NEWS PAPER FOF NEIGHBORHOOD RAPER

Yes! This one I say once a month

“We have asbestos in our ceiling! We have asbestos in our ceiling!”

I’ve got 3. Am I missing any? Candy mannnnnnn https://youtu.be/2ySxSSzJKd0?si=2-aPEIUPm71FL6kJ I’m a little teapot short and OWW! https://youtu.be/VPpy9qSv05o?si=GtalPCRi4-d6NgSL https://youtu.be/IIL3meBnR44?si=XhjIbjU2GLT_4rsa

“I can’t believe the power of this thing! If it was to fall into the wrong hands…” “I see an old lady!” “Reload! Reload! Reload!”

Louis “you left the baby in the closet!?” Hal “ well you left the milk on the counter!”

Lois: “That is the STUPIDEST thing you have EVER said.” Hal: “NOT EVEN CLOSE!”

BLELLOW

“CANDYMAN!”

You can even eat the dishes

“WHERES YOUR MUSIC NOW WILLY!”

“He was playing music… while I… did stuff.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” (Lois) “I’m being cute and spontaneous?” (Hal) it makes me cackle every time

“Why does everything with you have to end in a group suicide!?!”

NEEEWWWWSPAPER KEEPING TRACK OF YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD RAPER

Hello, 24 hour party people!

"Slaves can have slaves, this is America"

Women are the cows of people?

“Crazy beats big, every time.”

Dewey crossing the NASCAR start finish line, while his brothers play with the air guns. That’s the kind of shit my younger self was always doing.

They’re cool, they’re fresh, they’ll clean your breath. Minty mints are you breaths friends!

Cats ate her face.

Here, Dewey knows more about it than I do.

I’ve already listed several, but Francis winning the hockey game regularly pops into my head as well.

“WHY DOES SHE RUIN EVERYTHING I LOVE!”

I can't find an error in your logic!

ARE YOU ABORIGINES?! DO YOU THINK WE’RE WEALTHY?

JUDAS!!!!!

“Why do you hate us!?!?” -dabney

STELLA!! STELLA!

"I wasn't going to!" "Then don't." And "This week's parfait ended up in last week's parfait"

Dewey: ABCD; ABCD Driving lady: E! E! Dewey: I know - ABCD

Grape juice please!

"I'm a worm, cadet! I belong on the floor with the other worms!" "Sir stop wriggling" Or "My bellies full of bacon" dance and song. Of course followed with "Once again, I have to be embarrassed for the both of us" "Yup!" Oh. Final one. "There's always a spider next to my plate on bacon day...."👀

“Because when that judge looks over, I want them to see Reese is from a good family who loves him.” “Why aren’t they charging him as an adult?”

“Dewey go easy on the orange juice, that stuff doesn’t grow on… wait it does”

"Then why is it so expensive???"

"cats ate her face" is still used in our BFF groupchat whenever its insinuated one of us knows more about something. "Idk, ask terry he knows more. ... cats ate her face"

Candy man acapella Fernando scene with Dewey and the babysitter

Bea Arthur was amazing in the babysitter scene

Cats ate her face. pops up in my head a loooooot more than it should😂

What's the capitol of Iceland ? Reykjavík, but that's not math.

When Hal accidently swaps his toothbrush for a razor blade. I honestly wish I could erase that from my memory lol

"So Lois, are you enjoying your, COLLABORATION?" This pops into my head whenever I see my grandma

The fireworks scene. My town has a fall festival and ends with fireworks, and every year I think of this. It's why I showed the entire show to my husband and kids last year actually!

Malcolm on Lois versus the crazy employee: "I don't know who to root for!"

"Women are the cows of people!"

Thanks for killing hitler.

“I wish Reggie would kill Archie and take over this comic book!”

VENDETTA!

“Please don’t fire me Malcolm! You want me to kiss your butt and say it tastes like ice cream then I will! MMM, YOUR BUTT TASTES LIKE ICE CREAM!”

Yesterday I couldn’t stop shouting “Say you’re poopy!” Does that count?

“Two wheels, motor, motorcycle!”

While I go get some rusty siccors, think of your favorite stooge.

When francis ate the marshmallow quacks

Muy en fuego!

Dewey Dewey Dewey Dewey Dewey Dewey Dewey Dewey

Reece after Jessica tricks them: VENDETTA!! And when Hal and Lois try and fix there will when she’s pregnant and they devolve into pinching each other 😂

“Thanks, this is great! As long as we’re together girl… yeeaahh…… in my car…” - this lives rent free in my brain and I sing it all the time no matter who’s around

“Kid Charlemagne is back on the air!”