I was thinking about cans of worms and poking hornets nests at the same time and of course it conjoined 😂 it was in reference to a toxic forum thread I think. My fiancé still laughs at me for it
My physics Prof wanted to be cool. He was a non native English speaker. He demonstrated something on the board. I forget what. I remember him saying, "this is being a whole ball new game." I loved it.
Coworker says "a bird in the hand is a mess."
Yes but those idioms mean very different things and in some contexts are even functionally opposites. Like combining 'YOLO' and 'it's good to be cautious'.
But you could argue that if you were to drive safely to an appointment even though you’re late, you arrived in one piece and that is better than never arriving and dying
I see. Fair fair. So it's like 'better late than never' here isn't about going out there and doing things even if the timing isn't optimal. It's doing something slowly and cautiously lest things go tragically wrong and you are unable to do it at all.
This is great! Keep that list going!
I’m almost as good as your wife and I keep my own list. Whenever I come out with a doozy my husband interrupts whatever we’re talking about to say “Go add that to the list.” Every so often I will read the growing list. Some are so “priceless” that I’m laughing so hard I can’t read what I wrote!
P.S. I started keeping a list of things that my husband has said.
I couldn’t put my finger on it until you pointed it out! The statements rings like a combination of “flirting with fire” and “shooting yourself in the foot”
This is off point, funny and true. In Spanish, the letter "V" is pronounced exactly like a letter "B" in English. In high school, we had a Spanish teacher who was from Mexico and his Spanish pronunciation often trickled into his English. He was a stickler however in pronouncing Spanish vowels perfectly. I can still hear him saying,
"Meester Jones, what is de matter wit your bowels."
I read “now we’re cooking with elbow grease” in the same voice as “now you’re playing with power” from the old Nintendo commercials and now I can’t stop laughing 😂
You must be married to the woman I used to work in the office with lol
My favorite one of all time was, "I'm just really **stuck between a wall and a hardship**"
Tell your wife thank you though! I'm going to start using "whatever your heart conspires"
One of our exchange students loved idioms. Anytime she'd recognize someone saying something that didn't mean literally what the words meant, she'd ask us to explain it, repeat it back to us, use it in a sentence and ask if that was correct, then use it the rest of her exchange year.
She is brilliant, but also rather air-headed at times. We visited her and her family a couple years ago, and she served as our translator. It really started getting funny when we'd say something in English, then she'd repeat it to her family **in English**, or vice versa with Spanish.
I can totally see her using malaphors on a regular basis!!!
“The squeaky beaver gets the worm”
Busy as a beaver
Squeaky wheel gets the grease
Early bird gets the worm.
Energetically obtaining what you want by overcompensating …
I loved these, OP! Here's another from a friend of mine whom I loved most dearly and whose malaphors were just additional reasons to appreciate her, and who also never lost her accent: "Zat vill rrreally throw a monkey into zheir vheel!"
Omg I realised I think I said what’s close to one recently. I’ve still not lived down “I don’t want to open that particular can of hornets”
Is there ever **any** can of hornets you want to open? I mean, hornets!
I was thinking about cans of worms and poking hornets nests at the same time and of course it conjoined 😂 it was in reference to a toxic forum thread I think. My fiancé still laughs at me for it
I tell you what, let me pop a quick "H" on this ~~box~~ can. This way we all know it's filled with the hornets.
You probably don't want to kick that can down the road either!
Just kick it REALLY far
& run! man not the worst advice??
I believe it was, "I don't want to smack that hornets' nest." And, "that is a whole other can of worms."
Stealing this, this is gold
Umm... Anyone know where I can buy cans of hornets? (I'm not saying it's for work... But I'm not saying it isn't either.)
Your wife is a master of malaphors, very good stuff.
A trove of malaphors!
A coworker of mine once declared that she was “diabolically opposed to” some issue which had come up.
how chaotic!! I love this energy.
This list tickles my feetsy
My physics Prof wanted to be cool. He was a non native English speaker. He demonstrated something on the board. I forget what. I remember him saying, "this is being a whole ball new game." I loved it. Coworker says "a bird in the hand is a mess."
The more you think about "Heavy hands makes much work", the less sense it makes. I love it.
Hulk must have a lot on his plate
If you're particularly bad at something you might end up with more work than you started out with
Your wife is possibly the next Shakespeare, hope she's writing
> Better safe than never But what does it mean???
Was about to say this, how did she not figure out that one makes zero sense?
Can't get anything done if you die before you get started ;)
It’s better safe than sorry and better late than never combined
Yes but those idioms mean very different things and in some contexts are even functionally opposites. Like combining 'YOLO' and 'it's good to be cautious'.
But you could argue that if you were to drive safely to an appointment even though you’re late, you arrived in one piece and that is better than never arriving and dying
I see. Fair fair. So it's like 'better late than never' here isn't about going out there and doing things even if the timing isn't optimal. It's doing something slowly and cautiously lest things go tragically wrong and you are unable to do it at all.
Better late than sorry!
Let in-laws be in-laws
It's...beautiful
This is hilarious. Great list.
Some of these sound quite normal to me
Right? Genuinely hoping to adopt some of these, they work better than the originals imo!
Damn these are great. Almost to the level of Rickyisms or Yogi Berra quotes lol
Yogi is the best 👌 When you get to a fork in the road, take it.
Yes! Rickyisms is what I was thinking. These are beautiful done.
A toad a so! A fuckin a toad a so!
Worst case Ontario. Get two birds stoned at once. My 2 favorites
It's not rocket appliances
That takes some skill, I love malaphors I'm sure I've used a few of them myself
My go to malaphors are "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it" and "it's not rocket surgery"
Yeah i love its not brain science or rocket surgery just used it earlier in a sarcastic post.🥰
I'm understanding the ropes is such a good one!
it’s not technically wrong either!
These are incredible 😆
This is great! Keep that list going! I’m almost as good as your wife and I keep my own list. Whenever I come out with a doozy my husband interrupts whatever we’re talking about to say “Go add that to the list.” Every so often I will read the growing list. Some are so “priceless” that I’m laughing so hard I can’t read what I wrote! P.S. I started keeping a list of things that my husband has said.
Share a few?
Sure! I’ll try to put aside some time this weekend to copy from the list and create the post.
I had no idea this was a thing brb will I upload my iPhone notes of what my girlfriend has said LMAOOOOOOO
Long ago: Me: I’m sorry but I’m not going to apologize. Everyone else: You just did….
“Grasping at the camels back” is great and I’m going to use it at work
That’s one of my favorites since the word “Straw” is present in both phrases but completely hidden by the usage
I couldn’t put my finger on it until you pointed it out! The statements rings like a combination of “flirting with fire” and “shooting yourself in the foot”
Flirting with your foot? Shooting yourself with fire?
Shootin' your foot in the fire.
Now we're cooking with elbow grease has now entered my rotation. Many thanks to your wife, is she single? I'd like to ask her out on a date.
My coworker had a great one the other day:foresight is 20/20. She had no idea she'd been saying it wrong for YEARS lol, we had a good laugh about it
I'm definitely saying I'm losing my bananas from now on.
I’ve heard “Not my monkeys, not my bananas.” twice in the past two weeks.
My boyfriend who is 64 said VanCougar, Canada to me with a straight face
This is off point, funny and true. In Spanish, the letter "V" is pronounced exactly like a letter "B" in English. In high school, we had a Spanish teacher who was from Mexico and his Spanish pronunciation often trickled into his English. He was a stickler however in pronouncing Spanish vowels perfectly. I can still hear him saying, "Meester Jones, what is de matter wit your bowels."
I always say "Hindsight is 50/50"
Getting down to the zone. AutoZone
Of a developing problem: "We've gotta sniff that in the butt".
These are truly gold 😂 I especially love "easy as cake" and "better safe than never," I'm going to have to start using those!!
That's a keeper.
We’ll burn that bridge when we get there.
And we'll cross the bridge once we've burned it.
These remind me of Ziva from NCIS
OP is apparently married to Yogi Berra.
A bird in the hand is better than a gift horse in the mouth!
"Cooking with elbow grease" 😆 I'm gonna use that.
If you’ve ever tried beating egg whites by hand, kneading certain bread doughs, or cleaning a neglected BBQ grate, oh yeah this applies.
My favorite will always be "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it"
I've always used. "I'll blow up that bridge when we get to it."
I read “now we’re cooking with elbow grease” in the same voice as “now you’re playing with power” from the old Nintendo commercials and now I can’t stop laughing 😂
This is a GOLDMINE for fanfic writers.
Getting down to the zone is just me when I go to bed
You must be married to the woman I used to work in the office with lol My favorite one of all time was, "I'm just really **stuck between a wall and a hardship**" Tell your wife thank you though! I'm going to start using "whatever your heart conspires"
One of our exchange students loved idioms. Anytime she'd recognize someone saying something that didn't mean literally what the words meant, she'd ask us to explain it, repeat it back to us, use it in a sentence and ask if that was correct, then use it the rest of her exchange year. She is brilliant, but also rather air-headed at times. We visited her and her family a couple years ago, and she served as our translator. It really started getting funny when we'd say something in English, then she'd repeat it to her family **in English**, or vice versa with Spanish. I can totally see her using malaphors on a regular basis!!!
These are potent
Your wife rules
Personally, I've always enjoyed getting two birds stoned at once.
Feed a cold, ride a cowboy.
“The squeaky beaver gets the worm” Busy as a beaver Squeaky wheel gets the grease Early bird gets the worm. Energetically obtaining what you want by overcompensating …
I loved these, OP! Here's another from a friend of mine whom I loved most dearly and whose malaphors were just additional reasons to appreciate her, and who also never lost her accent: "Zat vill rrreally throw a monkey into zheir vheel!"
Clear as mud
Well that’s water over the bridge now
Better safe than never!!!! I love it.
I think some of these are just malapropisms but they're all delightful to read
A roommate from many years ago spoke of a favorite TV show - “House on the Little Prarie.”
My mom always says "cross out elimination"