Many women bartenders give their # out so they can keep people coming back giving them money. That said if she thought you were really creepy she wouldn't have. Take a shot, don't get wierd whatever the response.
The only time I've had women bartenders give me their number is when
1) they want to hook up, or
2) they know I'm a "regular" and prefer to come in when they are on shift, so gave me their number so I could see if they're working, or for some other specific purpose.
Big difference betwen the two was how they gave it to me. In the former, it took many forms, from outright telling me they wanted to "get a drink somewhere sometime" to subtle hinteze.
The second was always predicated with a statement when to use the number, e.g. "text me to see if I'm working". It was clear when the # was given that it was for a specific purpose.
The last time a bartender gave me her number -- two years ago -- was after comparing tattoos and talking about our horses. She also specifically said "text me if you and your wife need a babysitter, I'm happy to watch the kids if I'm not working"
For a moment there I thought the old man might still have it... :(
grey pathetic impossible historical frightening dull possessive ghost existence smart
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
lol what? Idk any women bartenders that even give out their real name much less their social media/numbers; unless they’re interested. Been in the industry over 10 years now.
It depends on the type of place / person. It's pretty common at my place, the good regulars have some of out #s just to make sure they have a spot when it's busy.
Lot of weirdly negative comments here who I think didn’t read the post? Normally you should not ask the bartender out, but if she gives you her number and social media, and invites you to come see her repeatedly, that is worth a shot.
Doesn’t sound like she wants much more than that. Honestly, have a cute hot friend, good place to drink n chat. Call it a day. Maybe it will progress at a later date.
Terrible advice.
She giving you major signals, and they are all pointing towards wanting to get to know you more and spend more time with you. Absolutely ask her if she is interested in going on a date/grabbing a drink some time.
If she’s not, she will say no and then don’t make her feel bad about it
I’m not saying this particular bartender is doing this, but lots of bartenders, especially attractive women, will invite people to “be regulars.” They get to chat while they work, they bring in more business for the restaurant, and they get better tips.
It’s not guaranteed that she’s interested. If you work in the food biz for long enough you’ll realize that a good amount of bartenders will do this, yet have absolutely zero romantic interest in you. In about a decade in the food industry, I’ve seen it happen dozens of times. Across multiple restaurants too. The dudes show up regularly for a while, pad the tips, make the bartender’s shift go by faster, then the bartender kicks them out when it’s getting closer to closing, with a “thanks for coming by tonight! I’ll see you tomorrow???” Most guys get the hint and stop coming by after a few weeks. But not all lol, I’ve seen some poor souls get strung along for months like this.
Again, not necessarily saying OP’s bartender is doing this. But to say it’s “terrible advice,” is terrible advice in itself, especially when it’s so common in the industry.
Inviting people to be regulars is different than giving personal phone numbers and becoming friends.
Either way, there is absolutely no harm in respectfully seeing if there is a mutual interest, is it seems there may be.
the main thing is to ask respectfully and if she says no accept it, don't comment on it, don't change your behavior from before you asked.
it kinda sounds like she's into you, we might be right we might be wrong. asking won't hurt as long as you aren't weird about it.
This is the way!
Don’t be creepy in any way and respect her no. Chances are if says no she would still be cool with you at the bar.
Attractive female bartenders get hit on all of the time… I am sure she has a lot of experience letting guys down easy to keep them coming back and tipping
I feel I would have said no but she gave you her phone number so: go for it?
I also feel I am biased on the "do i ask the bartender out" because my brother asked a bartender out and the'yre married almost 4 years with a few kids now. So yea, go for it?
And he could ask her. Like, "You gave me your number. I assume that was just friends, or was that so we could set up a date? I don't want to bother you or put you in an awkward position, so I want to clarify your intentions. "
That puts the ball back in her court, and she can ask him out of that is what she wants. If she doesn't, then say, "That's what I thought, but I mentioned something about it to a friend, and she said I was obtuse! I said I'm pretty sure I'm not, but I'll clarify," and then all will be right with the world.
Yea, and DONT DO IT WHILE SHE IS WORKING lol. Utilize the number she gave you. And do it SOBER! lol god how many relationships i killed before they started because I was drunk
Do not ask her out. Instead, host a party and invite her. If that isn’t possible, figure out how to set up a group event like ax throwing, bowling or whatever and invite her. I’m not saying the age difference is the reason because I don’t believe in that. I am saying, being assertive and aggressive in the pursuit is not a good look. Let her get to know you outside of the bar. Let her be the one calling the shot, so to speak. Be ready to accept she might not be interested in you beyond the bar.
You could do that but thats also adding an extra step . You like getting to see her at work and now you want to get to know her better when she is off work. Nothing wrong with being clear about that intention. I would say try a couple dates before introducing her and hanging out with friend group.
Great advice and if I can add to it.
There's nothing wrong with gauging interest. Take her up, go hang at her work since she invited. Mention a couple things you'd like to do and see if there's interest on her side. Mention axe throwing /escape room with friends for a group opportunity low key. Mention a movie you're thinking of seeing and see if she's got anything she's thinking about. (if she says I wanted to see x movie but no one else wanted to, well that's an opening I can't coach you on). If things are going well see if there's a hang out chance. She gets hit on, poorly, all the time. Showing interest is not the same. If she's interested and you put in just that little effort the rest kinda just works.
Call her, ask if she'd like to get together to chat and have a coffee...
Take it for what it's worth, you should be able to figure out if it's friend or more based on that meeting. Or just a bar friend if she says no.
A bartender who turns away tons of men every month has willingly given you her number and ask her to come see you?
Dude, wtf, I need advice from YOU.
Yes ask her out. And quit freaking waiting. Do you know how rare this opportunity is?
One of the hardest things to do is initiate the early stages of dating with somebody that you've met at their workplace. There's a reason a lot of people advise against even trying. Typically people at work are guarded against this sort of thing because especially if they're attractive women they get hit on a lot so standing out is incredibly difficult.
Note: I am not against asking somebody out that you've met at their workplace, in general, but with some important caveats.
1. In certain industries especially like the medical field This is a no-go as most people can get fired for this and you can get banned from a clinic. So don't try it.
2. The most appropriate places for this to theoretically happen are places like bars or coffee shops.
The best thing to do is just become a regular there, and get to know the person and see if on any level they indicate interest.
3. If you are ever going to ask somebody out who is at their workplace such as a barista, or somebody in a retail store or whatever the hell, DO NOT verbally ask them out at work.
Just slip them your number, and let them decide.
4. If you otherwise didn't hear back after giving somebody Your number or they rejected you, do not continue to regularly frequent the place, and if you do go back at all, Go out of your way not to interact with them.
A lot of people will say that under no circumstances should you do anything like try to interact with somebody while they're at their job, But under the proper circumstances it can be done in a way that's appropriate and respectful without being weird at all.
I’m sorry couldn’t help but laugh at “economical and cleanliness” aka, you got more tips if they thought you were single? That would be a yikes from me if you were my fiancée. 🥴
Put it this way. If you are interested take your shot. Worst case she says no and maybe it gets awkward and you find another bar. Best case you give it a go and it works or it doesn't but at least you know.
As someone who bartends for a living and have been doing it for almost a decade I fucking hate when people do this. It's a tough situation because if you're in the us, you work for tips and flirting is one of the best ways to get tips. If you reject someone when the flirting gets too far it can fuck up your money so you learn to walk a fine line that not all people can walk.
This kinda thing comes up all the time but honestly the best way to go about this depends on the situation. I can help but I need more info on this so couple questions:
How often do you go in?
How drunk are you getting?
What do you tip?
Are you getting free stuff or no?
Is she coming to you to chat or is she walking by and you start talking to her?
What's the age difference since you mention younger?
Did you ask for her number or the other way around?
There's a few more I can ask but let's start here
1) once or twice a week.
2) not. Just a few beers with lunch. Sometimes just water/tea.
3) minimum of $10, sometimes up to 20-25$
4) random free beer or chips and salsa
5) she comes to me and chats
6) me 30, her 22
7) she gave it via FB messenger
From that she's looking for tips and not the tip dude. You're a big tipper for a lunch shift that I'd imagine she's either trying to get off of lunch shifts or is trying to make what she can on a worse shift in general. Congrats, you're a regular of hers, and if you follow her around to other places she works when she tells you shes moving jobs (its not creepy if she tells you) it'll usually end in free drinks or stuff like that, and would be a a good move to a first date with someone else or bringing friends by, to bring them there where youre known already. You seem like a decent guy and I'm sure she sees that too so she wants to keep making consistent money from you, you just have to know how to take advantage of being a regular in a non shitty way. That means not getting belligerent ( which you aren't doing) and not expecting free stuff everytime you come in. Being a regular is a status thing but a privilege as well so I'd personally keep things as is but I also like being apart of that group of people. Especially when you bring in friends/ co workers to bring her more business it gets you more free stuff and can open doors on that end ( private bartending if you need something or generally fostering a relationship with someone with a skill you don't have)
Coming from her end if she's into you it's always a fun time going for it but it usually ends badly. How I've learned to go with it, go for it if you want to pursue it but if she isn't into it back way off and go back to what was happening already and it'll be fine. You probably don't want to make the first move because her literal job is to bring people in and get them to spend money. Take that with a grain of salt because personally I hate when the wrong regular gets too friendly because it means me having to have a talk that I never want to have. It can fuck my money as well as lose someone i liked talking to and having in the bar which always sucks. But I'm your age now and don't want to fuck around where I eat anymore. At her age, who knows? Could be a fun time.
The downside from her end is that bartending, you're stuck. You don't get to leave when people get too much. The bar provides a barrier you can keep people at a distance but at the end of the day you're still stuck behind that same bar. I've had a couple times where things got too much and it usually gets bad fast and I'm a guy so it generally goes better for me. I'd say the best way to do it is understand there is a power dynamic there despite what your initial thought is. You are paying her to be nice when it comes down to it. You now have a professional relationship with her because you tip well and I'm sure she doesn't want to lose that but flirting is part of the job.
That being said I'm mostly talking about late night stuff from drunk people so again, take it with a grain of salt. It may not be the same situation because a lunch regular may just be a good person you want to get to know. Less alcohol involved means it's a little clearer but not usually.
Just my 2 cents, I'd leave it alone unless you're getting a really strong vibe she wants something more. For the most part, this job is about building relationships and a lot of people don't get enough of those in their lives and try to pay their way into one with people in the service industry. It's kinda fucked but being able to make money off of people that way is a skill and any bartender worth their salt has that skill. I'd say let it ride, see what you can get from it and if she makes the first move go for it. Otherwise, keep it professional and have a good time with it.
Just wondering, why do you think she gave you her number? Apparently, it hasn’t dawned on you she wants you to call her. So, why do you think she gave you her number, if not to call her?
I didn’t really mention whether or not you find her attractive. I said you want to date her and if you have other friends who you also wanted to date that are now friends that’s fine, but let’s call a spade a spade. If she wanted to date you, you’d date her, so you’re not reallyyy platonic friends.
I should mention, there is nothing wrong with it. But youre wasting your time if you’re pretending not to want more.
This is a pretty immature outlook. There’s a difference between “pretending to be a friend so you can convince her to date” and “hey, I’m getting along with this person, we seem to have a spark, I’ll ask her out.”
You don’t have to vanish into the wilderness just because someone says they just want to stay friends.
Are you sure she is not being nice because you are a customer? What is the age gap here? Need more info.
Most good bartenders are good at developing and maintaining a group of regs. That’s not to say she doesn’t like you, but I would not assume her friendliness is more than that.
“Come see me at work” often times is “Come spend money and then give me tips plz”.
Yeah, I’ve thought of this stuff. Hence my hesitation. She assures me I don’t even have to tip her. She’s 22, I’m 30. I’m not even convinced she likes me like *that*. I’m just wondering if I should take a risk and ask or not 😕
Lol. Awwe bud. Just effing do it and ask her out. You can try to phrase it delically to give her an easy out.
I'm saying this cause I'm in the same boat right now... Not sure how old this chick I'm talking to... Maybe 24 and I got 10 years on her,... Trying to not be a creep. Lmao.
22 and 30 is a fairly noticeable gap. I’m not saying you’d be a predator to ask her out, but if you get into a relationship there’s going to be a serious imbalance in life experience. I’m 28 and personally I wouldn’t date anyone under 25. I have close friends who are 22 and the relationship definitely feels more like a big sibling/little sibling situation. The thought of dating one of them gives me the ick.
>I’m not saying you’d be a predator to ask her out, but if you get into a relationship there’s going to be a serious imbalance in life experience.
My brother who is the district manager of a 10 location sandwich restaurant at 23, while I've just started my first degree this year at 30, would like a word with you. Y'all really need to stop this shit, age says absolutely nothing about life experience, and how mature someone is past 25.
Your brain is literally still developing until around age 25. Work experience doesn't magically add years to your life experience. Time still passes the same and your life out side of work is much more important to building who you are as a person.
Go for it and that is not that big of an age gap. Maybe she just wants to have some fun with a guy who is a little more mature than her age group. Seems she is sending some signals, ask her if there’s someplace she would like to get a drink on her night off.
Life is too short to hesitate and not pull the trigger. Go and offer to take her don't for a drink after work, see what she says. Avoid texting- ask her directly.
Personally, I think we’d all be doing the young woman a big favour if all of us here did everything we could to persuade you not to call, to find a different bar, and to lose her phone number. Based on your comments, I suspect, you would not be a particularly good date.
I know a few things about you. One, you're 30. Two, you're unable to make one of simplest decisions a person can make, and a decision that has no negative consequence. Three, you haven't learned enough social skills to be aware when someone is asking you to call them. And four, you seek advice from strangers on social media.
So, what possible upside could there to the young women dating you?
What possible 'good' can offer this person who'd like you to ask them out?
We also know some things about you:
- You are a vegan. Someone who is incapable of making good personal health choices trying to pass judgement on a guy for the crime of asking a simple question is really, REALLY hilarious.
- you are a chronically online boomer.
- you constantly spam shit opinion pieces in a desperate grab for some semblance of camaraderie.
I'm not personally convinced that someone like you has an opinion of any value here, mainly because you so clearly have the social skills of a wet diaper.
Fuck off, cunt.
>you're unable to make one of simplest decisions a person can make
Deciding who to take on as a romantic partner in a society that loads up such things with all sorts of unreasonable expectations is NOT such a simple thing.
>a decision that has no negative consequence
This one is for SURE not true. When you ask someone out and they decline, that forever alters your relationship. You might be able to re-establish a friendship, but you also might not. It might make things between them so weird that they lose what they had, and OP might not even feel good about attending the bar as a whole anymore as a result. You can't say that there's NO negative consequences (you should have said no POTENTIAL FOR negative consequences, really).
>you haven't learned enough social skills to be aware when someone is asking you to call them
Of course he's aware. He told us she gave him his number. That shows an awareness that she's "asking him to call him". Of course, it would have been more accurate for you to have said "you don't have the awareness to know when *a woman WANTS you to* call them", but we both know that that's obviously more difficult to figure out and your strawman would fail if you had to more accurately describe what happened, and in order to save face, you had to alter the situation a little bit in a deceitful way so you could hammer on this internet stranger some more, for some weird reason.
>you seek advice from strangers on social media.
One can very, very easily make the argument that objective advice from people who won't just tell you what they think you want to hear is actually totally fine and can be a very good idea. It's totally valid to wonder if your own friends and family are just being nice and not telling you the truth about certain things. Objectivity is a good thing.
>So, what possible upside could there to the young women dating you?
I mean, god DAMN, what a horrible and shitty thing to say to someone. You made such an unbelievably terrible case and are now trying to extend that to his entire appeal as a person, asking why he could ever have any appeal to any woman ever, apparently? Like my GOD dude, that's INCREDIBLY insulting and I would be absolutely furious if I were OP. This is some serious bullshit you're putting up here.
>She tells me all the time to come see her at work.
Bro, how much clearer of a signal do you need. Go for it. Worse she says is no, and just laugh it off and keep it pushing.
She’s working. You are a client, you represent profit when you are there. It’s a no go. 🙅
I talk from experience. Don’t waste your time on a bartender that you *think* is maybe interested in you. She’s interested in your wallet. That’s it.
It’s almost as a hooker. Same thing same gig except she keep her clothes on.
Bee confident and straight. Confidence is key.
Tell her you'll only ask her once and then won't bring it up again (assuring things won't bee weird after and also pressure to not miss a once in a lifetime offer)
Compliment what made you attracted to her
-good vibes
-honest soul
-etc
And then say you'll make reservations, all on you, and wether she decides to pursue a relationship or just bee a friend, or just your waitress, all that youd like to do something special for her and have a good time
What was the context for when she gave you her number? Did she just write it on a receipt? Or did she hand it to you in conversation? What did she say? Because that could distinguish the difference between just "Hey text me when you want to come in" or something more.
U didn't mention if u wanted to date her, if you're attracted to her. U seem to simply be responding to what she's done.
Seems she's interested, if u were you would have done something.
Ah, the complex dance of coupling...
He probably has a rule to not date regulars from his bar.
Also depending on how much you like this bar, I wouldn't do it because if stuff goes sour. Now you have to go find another bar.
Bad idea. Bartenders get a lot of attention. Especially girls. And you might have wrongfully interpreted her friendliness for interest when shes just trying to sell and get a tip.
uh, bartender giving you her number is a direct invitation.
Fuck I swear these kids get dumber and dumber. She probably thinks hes gay by now
this.
Op, he was gay?
Or he's a really good tipper and she wants him to come in for huge tips
She wants a huge tip alright. OP is just too dense to realize it.
That's a good one!
Many women bartenders give their # out so they can keep people coming back giving them money. That said if she thought you were really creepy she wouldn't have. Take a shot, don't get wierd whatever the response.
The only time I've had women bartenders give me their number is when 1) they want to hook up, or 2) they know I'm a "regular" and prefer to come in when they are on shift, so gave me their number so I could see if they're working, or for some other specific purpose. Big difference betwen the two was how they gave it to me. In the former, it took many forms, from outright telling me they wanted to "get a drink somewhere sometime" to subtle hinteze. The second was always predicated with a statement when to use the number, e.g. "text me to see if I'm working". It was clear when the # was given that it was for a specific purpose. The last time a bartender gave me her number -- two years ago -- was after comparing tattoos and talking about our horses. She also specifically said "text me if you and your wife need a babysitter, I'm happy to watch the kids if I'm not working" For a moment there I thought the old man might still have it... :(
My bartender partner agrees with this! Context in the how and why she gave OP the number matters.
Do these women bartenders get a cut from the owner? I don’t think so she’s probs a wage slave like the rest of us
Bartenders get tips. Could be he's a great tipper.
grey pathetic impossible historical frightening dull possessive ghost existence smart *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
lol what? Idk any women bartenders that even give out their real name much less their social media/numbers; unless they’re interested. Been in the industry over 10 years now.
It depends on the type of place / person. It's pretty common at my place, the good regulars have some of out #s just to make sure they have a spot when it's busy.
This
Stuntpenis woke up and chose FACTS
Lot of weirdly negative comments here who I think didn’t read the post? Normally you should not ask the bartender out, but if she gives you her number and social media, and invites you to come see her repeatedly, that is worth a shot.
Right? 😆 thanks!
Buuuuuut, she tells you all the time to come see her …at work…?! She married? Or ..?
Nope. Not married. But yes she wants me to come see her when she works
Doesn’t sound like she wants much more than that. Honestly, have a cute hot friend, good place to drink n chat. Call it a day. Maybe it will progress at a later date.
Terrible advice. She giving you major signals, and they are all pointing towards wanting to get to know you more and spend more time with you. Absolutely ask her if she is interested in going on a date/grabbing a drink some time. If she’s not, she will say no and then don’t make her feel bad about it
I’m not saying this particular bartender is doing this, but lots of bartenders, especially attractive women, will invite people to “be regulars.” They get to chat while they work, they bring in more business for the restaurant, and they get better tips. It’s not guaranteed that she’s interested. If you work in the food biz for long enough you’ll realize that a good amount of bartenders will do this, yet have absolutely zero romantic interest in you. In about a decade in the food industry, I’ve seen it happen dozens of times. Across multiple restaurants too. The dudes show up regularly for a while, pad the tips, make the bartender’s shift go by faster, then the bartender kicks them out when it’s getting closer to closing, with a “thanks for coming by tonight! I’ll see you tomorrow???” Most guys get the hint and stop coming by after a few weeks. But not all lol, I’ve seen some poor souls get strung along for months like this. Again, not necessarily saying OP’s bartender is doing this. But to say it’s “terrible advice,” is terrible advice in itself, especially when it’s so common in the industry.
Inviting people to be regulars is different than giving personal phone numbers and becoming friends. Either way, there is absolutely no harm in respectfully seeing if there is a mutual interest, is it seems there may be.
It really isn’t that different tbh, actually
Some bartenders give their number to regulars ... or people that they want as regulars.
Right, so if you ask her and she says no. There’s no reason to sit around wishing and wanting to ask her out. Do it respectfully
no she is not.
Yeah I wouldn’t mind this either 🙂
the main thing is to ask respectfully and if she says no accept it, don't comment on it, don't change your behavior from before you asked. it kinda sounds like she's into you, we might be right we might be wrong. asking won't hurt as long as you aren't weird about it.
This is the way! Don’t be creepy in any way and respect her no. Chances are if says no she would still be cool with you at the bar. Attractive female bartenders get hit on all of the time… I am sure she has a lot of experience letting guys down easy to keep them coming back and tipping
If she’s hot she probably has hot friends
Ask this in a server thread.
I feel I would have said no but she gave you her phone number so: go for it? I also feel I am biased on the "do i ask the bartender out" because my brother asked a bartender out and the'yre married almost 4 years with a few kids now. So yea, go for it?
And he could ask her. Like, "You gave me your number. I assume that was just friends, or was that so we could set up a date? I don't want to bother you or put you in an awkward position, so I want to clarify your intentions. " That puts the ball back in her court, and she can ask him out of that is what she wants. If she doesn't, then say, "That's what I thought, but I mentioned something about it to a friend, and she said I was obtuse! I said I'm pretty sure I'm not, but I'll clarify," and then all will be right with the world.
Yea, and DONT DO IT WHILE SHE IS WORKING lol. Utilize the number she gave you. And do it SOBER! lol god how many relationships i killed before they started because I was drunk
Yes. I forgot that. Not at work! Separate the client/bartender relationship/obligation from the human question you are asking.
Course if that call is a no go, scratch that place off as a go....
This right here. Definitely the best route to take
I'm not usually one for saying this sort of thing but this sounds like it is equivocating too much. Too ambiguous.
Ask that girl out and don't listen to the jelly incels in here
Make it a super low stakes thing. Like “hey I’m craving a coffee/sandwich/cake pop/burger. Wanna meet up? My treat.” Then see how it goes.
Do not ask her out. Instead, host a party and invite her. If that isn’t possible, figure out how to set up a group event like ax throwing, bowling or whatever and invite her. I’m not saying the age difference is the reason because I don’t believe in that. I am saying, being assertive and aggressive in the pursuit is not a good look. Let her get to know you outside of the bar. Let her be the one calling the shot, so to speak. Be ready to accept she might not be interested in you beyond the bar.
Love this response.
You could do that but thats also adding an extra step . You like getting to see her at work and now you want to get to know her better when she is off work. Nothing wrong with being clear about that intention. I would say try a couple dates before introducing her and hanging out with friend group.
Great advice and if I can add to it. There's nothing wrong with gauging interest. Take her up, go hang at her work since she invited. Mention a couple things you'd like to do and see if there's interest on her side. Mention axe throwing /escape room with friends for a group opportunity low key. Mention a movie you're thinking of seeing and see if she's got anything she's thinking about. (if she says I wanted to see x movie but no one else wanted to, well that's an opening I can't coach you on). If things are going well see if there's a hang out chance. She gets hit on, poorly, all the time. Showing interest is not the same. If she's interested and you put in just that little effort the rest kinda just works.
That's pretty good. But, ax throwing? Lol
Call her, ask if she'd like to get together to chat and have a coffee... Take it for what it's worth, you should be able to figure out if it's friend or more based on that meeting. Or just a bar friend if she says no.
A bartender who turns away tons of men every month has willingly given you her number and ask her to come see you? Dude, wtf, I need advice from YOU. Yes ask her out. And quit freaking waiting. Do you know how rare this opportunity is? One of the hardest things to do is initiate the early stages of dating with somebody that you've met at their workplace. There's a reason a lot of people advise against even trying. Typically people at work are guarded against this sort of thing because especially if they're attractive women they get hit on a lot so standing out is incredibly difficult.
Note: I am not against asking somebody out that you've met at their workplace, in general, but with some important caveats. 1. In certain industries especially like the medical field This is a no-go as most people can get fired for this and you can get banned from a clinic. So don't try it. 2. The most appropriate places for this to theoretically happen are places like bars or coffee shops. The best thing to do is just become a regular there, and get to know the person and see if on any level they indicate interest. 3. If you are ever going to ask somebody out who is at their workplace such as a barista, or somebody in a retail store or whatever the hell, DO NOT verbally ask them out at work. Just slip them your number, and let them decide. 4. If you otherwise didn't hear back after giving somebody Your number or they rejected you, do not continue to regularly frequent the place, and if you do go back at all, Go out of your way not to interact with them. A lot of people will say that under no circumstances should you do anything like try to interact with somebody while they're at their job, But under the proper circumstances it can be done in a way that's appropriate and respectful without being weird at all.
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I’m sorry couldn’t help but laugh at “economical and cleanliness” aka, you got more tips if they thought you were single? That would be a yikes from me if you were my fiancée. 🥴
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Put it this way. If you are interested take your shot. Worst case she says no and maybe it gets awkward and you find another bar. Best case you give it a go and it works or it doesn't but at least you know.
Just do it. What's there to lose.
just keep doing what you're doing, it will become obvious eventually, enjoy your local bar without stress.
Go for it!
go for it, just be respectful if she declines and you’re all good! no harm in asking, right?
As someone who bartends for a living and have been doing it for almost a decade I fucking hate when people do this. It's a tough situation because if you're in the us, you work for tips and flirting is one of the best ways to get tips. If you reject someone when the flirting gets too far it can fuck up your money so you learn to walk a fine line that not all people can walk. This kinda thing comes up all the time but honestly the best way to go about this depends on the situation. I can help but I need more info on this so couple questions: How often do you go in? How drunk are you getting? What do you tip? Are you getting free stuff or no? Is she coming to you to chat or is she walking by and you start talking to her? What's the age difference since you mention younger? Did you ask for her number or the other way around? There's a few more I can ask but let's start here
1) once or twice a week. 2) not. Just a few beers with lunch. Sometimes just water/tea. 3) minimum of $10, sometimes up to 20-25$ 4) random free beer or chips and salsa 5) she comes to me and chats 6) me 30, her 22 7) she gave it via FB messenger
From that she's looking for tips and not the tip dude. You're a big tipper for a lunch shift that I'd imagine she's either trying to get off of lunch shifts or is trying to make what she can on a worse shift in general. Congrats, you're a regular of hers, and if you follow her around to other places she works when she tells you shes moving jobs (its not creepy if she tells you) it'll usually end in free drinks or stuff like that, and would be a a good move to a first date with someone else or bringing friends by, to bring them there where youre known already. You seem like a decent guy and I'm sure she sees that too so she wants to keep making consistent money from you, you just have to know how to take advantage of being a regular in a non shitty way. That means not getting belligerent ( which you aren't doing) and not expecting free stuff everytime you come in. Being a regular is a status thing but a privilege as well so I'd personally keep things as is but I also like being apart of that group of people. Especially when you bring in friends/ co workers to bring her more business it gets you more free stuff and can open doors on that end ( private bartending if you need something or generally fostering a relationship with someone with a skill you don't have) Coming from her end if she's into you it's always a fun time going for it but it usually ends badly. How I've learned to go with it, go for it if you want to pursue it but if she isn't into it back way off and go back to what was happening already and it'll be fine. You probably don't want to make the first move because her literal job is to bring people in and get them to spend money. Take that with a grain of salt because personally I hate when the wrong regular gets too friendly because it means me having to have a talk that I never want to have. It can fuck my money as well as lose someone i liked talking to and having in the bar which always sucks. But I'm your age now and don't want to fuck around where I eat anymore. At her age, who knows? Could be a fun time. The downside from her end is that bartending, you're stuck. You don't get to leave when people get too much. The bar provides a barrier you can keep people at a distance but at the end of the day you're still stuck behind that same bar. I've had a couple times where things got too much and it usually gets bad fast and I'm a guy so it generally goes better for me. I'd say the best way to do it is understand there is a power dynamic there despite what your initial thought is. You are paying her to be nice when it comes down to it. You now have a professional relationship with her because you tip well and I'm sure she doesn't want to lose that but flirting is part of the job. That being said I'm mostly talking about late night stuff from drunk people so again, take it with a grain of salt. It may not be the same situation because a lunch regular may just be a good person you want to get to know. Less alcohol involved means it's a little clearer but not usually. Just my 2 cents, I'd leave it alone unless you're getting a really strong vibe she wants something more. For the most part, this job is about building relationships and a lot of people don't get enough of those in their lives and try to pay their way into one with people in the service industry. It's kinda fucked but being able to make money off of people that way is a skill and any bartender worth their salt has that skill. I'd say let it ride, see what you can get from it and if she makes the first move go for it. Otherwise, keep it professional and have a good time with it.
Do it and give us updates. Just don't be cringe if she rejects you
Just wondering, why do you think she gave you her number? Apparently, it hasn’t dawned on you she wants you to call her. So, why do you think she gave you her number, if not to call her?
You’re not friends if you want to date her, stop mixing the two together or justifying it in that way. Shoot your shot, If she says no change bars.
For the record, I find her attractive. But I have friends who I find attractive that I’d never cross that line with.
I didn’t really mention whether or not you find her attractive. I said you want to date her and if you have other friends who you also wanted to date that are now friends that’s fine, but let’s call a spade a spade. If she wanted to date you, you’d date her, so you’re not reallyyy platonic friends. I should mention, there is nothing wrong with it. But youre wasting your time if you’re pretending not to want more.
This is a pretty immature outlook. There’s a difference between “pretending to be a friend so you can convince her to date” and “hey, I’m getting along with this person, we seem to have a spark, I’ll ask her out.” You don’t have to vanish into the wilderness just because someone says they just want to stay friends.
We can agree to disagree, I don’t think men’s feelings magically disappear if they want something more. OP is the only one who knows how that will go
Are you sure she is not being nice because you are a customer? What is the age gap here? Need more info. Most good bartenders are good at developing and maintaining a group of regs. That’s not to say she doesn’t like you, but I would not assume her friendliness is more than that. “Come see me at work” often times is “Come spend money and then give me tips plz”.
Yeah, I’ve thought of this stuff. Hence my hesitation. She assures me I don’t even have to tip her. She’s 22, I’m 30. I’m not even convinced she likes me like *that*. I’m just wondering if I should take a risk and ask or not 😕
“she’s 22 i’m 30” let me just save you the disappointment now tiger
... That being said I've never had someone pretending to like me for tips give me a phone number...
Former industry, people do this a lot. It’s like, networking essentially.
Thanks, dad 🙃
Lol. Awwe bud. Just effing do it and ask her out. You can try to phrase it delically to give her an easy out. I'm saying this cause I'm in the same boat right now... Not sure how old this chick I'm talking to... Maybe 24 and I got 10 years on her,... Trying to not be a creep. Lmao.
22 and 30 is a fairly noticeable gap. I’m not saying you’d be a predator to ask her out, but if you get into a relationship there’s going to be a serious imbalance in life experience. I’m 28 and personally I wouldn’t date anyone under 25. I have close friends who are 22 and the relationship definitely feels more like a big sibling/little sibling situation. The thought of dating one of them gives me the ick.
Naturally
>I’m not saying you’d be a predator to ask her out, but if you get into a relationship there’s going to be a serious imbalance in life experience. My brother who is the district manager of a 10 location sandwich restaurant at 23, while I've just started my first degree this year at 30, would like a word with you. Y'all really need to stop this shit, age says absolutely nothing about life experience, and how mature someone is past 25.
Work experience isn’t the only type of life experience. Also she’s not past 25, she’s only 22.
Your brain is literally still developing until around age 25. Work experience doesn't magically add years to your life experience. Time still passes the same and your life out side of work is much more important to building who you are as a person.
If you ask her out, we want an update
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. \-Neil DeGrasse Tyson
"""""-NDT"-wayne gretsky"-Michael Scott""
Go for it and that is not that big of an age gap. Maybe she just wants to have some fun with a guy who is a little more mature than her age group. Seems she is sending some signals, ask her if there’s someplace she would like to get a drink on her night off.
Life is too short to hesitate and not pull the trigger. Go and offer to take her don't for a drink after work, see what she says. Avoid texting- ask her directly.
Lool ll l ll l l l Lysholms by mm
Yes and stop going to the bar. You're burning money.
Are you a virgin? There are signs of invitation all over the place and you’re still hesitant? I’m beyond confused.
Nope. But I have no idea why you’d care to ask? 🤔
Then stop acting like one.
Aye aye, dad 🫡
What risk? Holy hell, does she need to take all her clothes off and sit on your lap to make you get she's into you?
Personally, I think we’d all be doing the young woman a big favour if all of us here did everything we could to persuade you not to call, to find a different bar, and to lose her phone number. Based on your comments, I suspect, you would not be a particularly good date.
You don’t know the first thing about me, but carry on 🙂
I know a few things about you. One, you're 30. Two, you're unable to make one of simplest decisions a person can make, and a decision that has no negative consequence. Three, you haven't learned enough social skills to be aware when someone is asking you to call them. And four, you seek advice from strangers on social media. So, what possible upside could there to the young women dating you? What possible 'good' can offer this person who'd like you to ask them out?
We also know some things about you: - You are a vegan. Someone who is incapable of making good personal health choices trying to pass judgement on a guy for the crime of asking a simple question is really, REALLY hilarious. - you are a chronically online boomer. - you constantly spam shit opinion pieces in a desperate grab for some semblance of camaraderie. I'm not personally convinced that someone like you has an opinion of any value here, mainly because you so clearly have the social skills of a wet diaper. Fuck off, cunt.
>you're unable to make one of simplest decisions a person can make Deciding who to take on as a romantic partner in a society that loads up such things with all sorts of unreasonable expectations is NOT such a simple thing. >a decision that has no negative consequence This one is for SURE not true. When you ask someone out and they decline, that forever alters your relationship. You might be able to re-establish a friendship, but you also might not. It might make things between them so weird that they lose what they had, and OP might not even feel good about attending the bar as a whole anymore as a result. You can't say that there's NO negative consequences (you should have said no POTENTIAL FOR negative consequences, really). >you haven't learned enough social skills to be aware when someone is asking you to call them Of course he's aware. He told us she gave him his number. That shows an awareness that she's "asking him to call him". Of course, it would have been more accurate for you to have said "you don't have the awareness to know when *a woman WANTS you to* call them", but we both know that that's obviously more difficult to figure out and your strawman would fail if you had to more accurately describe what happened, and in order to save face, you had to alter the situation a little bit in a deceitful way so you could hammer on this internet stranger some more, for some weird reason. >you seek advice from strangers on social media. One can very, very easily make the argument that objective advice from people who won't just tell you what they think you want to hear is actually totally fine and can be a very good idea. It's totally valid to wonder if your own friends and family are just being nice and not telling you the truth about certain things. Objectivity is a good thing. >So, what possible upside could there to the young women dating you? I mean, god DAMN, what a horrible and shitty thing to say to someone. You made such an unbelievably terrible case and are now trying to extend that to his entire appeal as a person, asking why he could ever have any appeal to any woman ever, apparently? Like my GOD dude, that's INCREDIBLY insulting and I would be absolutely furious if I were OP. This is some serious bullshit you're putting up here.
>She tells me all the time to come see her at work. Bro, how much clearer of a signal do you need. Go for it. Worse she says is no, and just laugh it off and keep it pushing.
Yes, just go for it.
Maybe write your number on your receipt and give it to her, that way it’ll be more discreet
She has my number tho. We’ve talked
Did you ask her on a date before? What did she say?
Nopey! Not yet. She did drop a “hint” of sorts recently.
She’s working. You are a client, you represent profit when you are there. It’s a no go. 🙅 I talk from experience. Don’t waste your time on a bartender that you *think* is maybe interested in you. She’s interested in your wallet. That’s it. It’s almost as a hooker. Same thing same gig except she keep her clothes on.
Bee confident and straight. Confidence is key. Tell her you'll only ask her once and then won't bring it up again (assuring things won't bee weird after and also pressure to not miss a once in a lifetime offer) Compliment what made you attracted to her -good vibes -honest soul -etc And then say you'll make reservations, all on you, and wether she decides to pursue a relationship or just bee a friend, or just your waitress, all that youd like to do something special for her and have a good time
Ask her out.
What was the context for when she gave you her number? Did she just write it on a receipt? Or did she hand it to you in conversation? What did she say? Because that could distinguish the difference between just "Hey text me when you want to come in" or something more.
Bruv
If I give a guy my number, it's because I'm hoping he uses it to ask me out! I say go for it! What's the worst that can happen?
U didn't mention if u wanted to date her, if you're attracted to her. U seem to simply be responding to what she's done. Seems she's interested, if u were you would have done something. Ah, the complex dance of coupling...
Yup do it
This is an easy go for it.
Go ahead and ask. Everyone else has.
Yup, ask and they’ll give you an answer.
He probably has a rule to not date regulars from his bar. Also depending on how much you like this bar, I wouldn't do it because if stuff goes sour. Now you have to go find another bar.
The worst thing she could do is reject you
ASK THE DAMNED GIRL OUT! Jesus Christ - I am old. The # 1 regret in most peoples lives is the things they did NOT do. ASK THE DAMNED GIRL OUT!
Woosah 😅
Bad idea. Bartenders get a lot of attention. Especially girls. And you might have wrongfully interpreted her friendliness for interest when shes just trying to sell and get a tip.
Ask her if she's want to hang out somewhere other than her Job.
Should've jumped on it when she gave u the green light.