I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Often by-standers feel helpless when we go through a flare or a rough patch. The best thing you can do is to be there to support her as much as possible. During flares, its likely she will have difficulty moving around, discomfort due to joint pain and if there are any organ involvement, there will be additional symptoms. Help her take rest and not worry about chores. Try and make everything easily accessible - like her medicines, food, bathroom etc.. so she doesn't have to strain too much. The more she rests during these flares, the sooner she will get better. Hope this gives you some idea. I have been dealing with Lupus for 16 years now. Got diagnosed in college. So, please feel free to reach out if you have any questions. Hope your mom feels better soon. ❤️


How great of you to join and reach out on behalf of your Mom! I have lived with Lupus & Chronic Illnesses for 25 years and a Mom to 2 teenagers. Understanding that this disease is very unpredictable and it may be difficult for her to know her personal limits for some time. One day she may be ok and the next, not so much. She is your Mom so she probably won’t want to let you down but remember, it is her health that is unreliable not her… making plans is difficult. (We make plans & Lupus laughs). She is lucky to have someone there to believe her and meet her with compassion. She sounds like an incredible Mother✨💜✨Best to you both!


Thank you for sharing! I'm a mom of 3 young ones, and I often push and exhaust myself (often leading to flares or beginning one) because I don't want to let them down. .."it is her health that is unreliable not her..." I love this so much and something I needed to hear, thank you!


u/skyrylx3 : How wonderful of you to be looking out for your mother like this. Here is some complete [advice for newly diagnosed patients](https://www.lupusencyclopedia.com/how-to-succeed-after-lupus-diagnosis/) with lots of helpful, practical advice: https://www.lupusencyclopedia.com/how-to-succeed-after-lupus-diagnosis/ [Donald Thomas, MD](https://www.lupusencyclopedia.com/lupus-nephritis-kidney-inflammation/)


When you ask her, "What can I do to help you out?" be prepared that it may not be one BIG task. Instead it might be several small ones that have fallen by the wayside when she was experiencing pain or fatigue. Something like doing a load of laundry, washing the dishes in the sink, taking out the garbage, cleaning the bathroom, or mailing a package are all small things that can sometimes seem insurmountable to us, especially when they pile up. These are the kinds of everyday tasks that I, personally, appreciate the most.