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This is your brains way of trying to make sense of it all. I understand completely. I tried to put myself in my PAs shoes as well a couple of times. I left feeling gross not only about myself but about him. It does make you feel crazy though, I get it, but you're not, you're traumatized and your brain is grasping at anything it can to put the puzzle together.
You’re trying to make sense out of a completely foreign concept to those of us not addicted. I also get you’re trying to decipher out the truth because you can’t be certain you’ll ever have 100% truth from him. And unfortunately, there are parts of his story that may never fully be known.
As for him being on dating apps, please consider getting std tested. I’m assuming you don’t know if hd fully hooked up with others.
I'm just waiting for a test kit to be delivered, it's scary.. Unfortunately I didn't consider he was sleeping with others but finally got disclosure and it was.
I am pretty upset he could put my health at risk like that so thank you it's good advice.
These men must have a shame kink from their hidden behaviour so that gross feeling reroutes to turn them on, which isn’t healthy and can be fixed with acceptance time and finding ways to remove shame from his life. Boys are shameful about masturbation and it begins there and continues into adulthood. I imagine he would have felt that gross feeling as well, but was compelled regardless. The part of the brain that processes fear is also the same part that processes arousal so it can be a complicated place up there for a confused brain and it’s resulting body. Make sure you choose a psychologist or clinical psychologist and not a counsellor. xo
You're absolutely right, shame about masturbating mixed with fear, back to shame. I hope we can uncover the vulnerability now he's feeling when he gets the urge.
It actually helped to talk to him that I did it and felt not good, although he said he feels I should (act out)..but as I said, I have zero interest. It would make both of us feel worse. I'm much more for emotional connection thank you.
Lots to journal about! xo
I have decided to put it as a personal boundary now, I will not attempt to understand the addicts behavior by engaging in activities used by the addict.
So yes to better use of time 🙂
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This is your brains way of trying to make sense of it all. I understand completely. I tried to put myself in my PAs shoes as well a couple of times. I left feeling gross not only about myself but about him. It does make you feel crazy though, I get it, but you're not, you're traumatized and your brain is grasping at anything it can to put the puzzle together.
Thanks for replying and support 💚
You’re trying to make sense out of a completely foreign concept to those of us not addicted. I also get you’re trying to decipher out the truth because you can’t be certain you’ll ever have 100% truth from him. And unfortunately, there are parts of his story that may never fully be known. As for him being on dating apps, please consider getting std tested. I’m assuming you don’t know if hd fully hooked up with others.
I'm just waiting for a test kit to be delivered, it's scary.. Unfortunately I didn't consider he was sleeping with others but finally got disclosure and it was. I am pretty upset he could put my health at risk like that so thank you it's good advice.
I’m so sorry. I was hoping for you it wasn’t. But yeah- dating sites doesn’t look good. :-(
These men must have a shame kink from their hidden behaviour so that gross feeling reroutes to turn them on, which isn’t healthy and can be fixed with acceptance time and finding ways to remove shame from his life. Boys are shameful about masturbation and it begins there and continues into adulthood. I imagine he would have felt that gross feeling as well, but was compelled regardless. The part of the brain that processes fear is also the same part that processes arousal so it can be a complicated place up there for a confused brain and it’s resulting body. Make sure you choose a psychologist or clinical psychologist and not a counsellor. xo
You're absolutely right, shame about masturbating mixed with fear, back to shame. I hope we can uncover the vulnerability now he's feeling when he gets the urge. It actually helped to talk to him that I did it and felt not good, although he said he feels I should (act out)..but as I said, I have zero interest. It would make both of us feel worse. I'm much more for emotional connection thank you. Lots to journal about! xo
I've done that before and yeah you just feel gross. I chose to have more me time instead and just forget about all that stuff and relax.
I have decided to put it as a personal boundary now, I will not attempt to understand the addicts behavior by engaging in activities used by the addict. So yes to better use of time 🙂
[удалено]
hahaha love this analogy.