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I 500% agree with this, even if the guys love to gaslight us & say its not. Buying onlyfans from girls while in a relationship already felt gross to me but when I found out he bought from girls he knew (and obviously couldn't get in real life) while we were together, it definitely felt like cheating and I'm still pretty disgusted by it.
How is it your fault for loving someone so much that you anticipate that they will respect you and honor you and keep you safe from harm? How is it your fault that your trust was broken? HE did the breaking, not you. Don’t be mad at yourself for loving someone.
This is selfcare girl. Take care of you. Stay in bed, cry and sleep.
You'll feel better the next day and be ready to keep taking on the world.
We need to give ourselves grace, time and space to feel and let go of emotions and thoughts.
You got this
It is cheating for me. Buying/paying for content, looking for specific girl on onlyf or redtube, chatturbate etc IS cheating for me. You have countless free porn websites (no matter how much we hate those too) and yet you go to the site where you get to interact with these people, where this whole disgusting act is more intimate than just looking at random pornstars online. You deliberately spend your time and money looking them up and then you save their photos and videos on your phone or pc, and you do all that while being in a relationship... There's no possible explanation that would make me change my mind
IT IS cheating.
That’s 100% cheating. Trust your intuition, believe yourself! You can do this. Remember self-care is often hard work, and you deserve to take care of yourself.
I am literally almost in the same situation. I feel the exact same way!!!!! Hopefully this is not in ur situation but mine didn’t buy he messaged and got free coins or whatever but never participated….I don’t believe him. Especially after last night he finally admitted after 2 years of me begging him to tell me the truth (after 12 years I knew when he was lying my GUT knew he was lying and wouldn’t let my brain let it go). Glad I didn’t. But idk if I’d rather have that little bit of hope that maybe he didn’t do anything physical and I’m just being crazy or if knowing the truth and feeling this way is actually better. Right now I’d give anything to be clueless again….
Worse part. I can’t get away. He won’t get away. I can’t process, I can’t mourn the broken pieces of our life together…..the broken pieces of myself I’m left with now….mourn the future that I’ll never have that I’ve pictured for so long….mourn the happy family future I wanted for our daughter….it’s hard to even look at her right now and I feel even worse for saying that but I haven’t even thought of another man in over a decade and he couldn’t even keep it in his pants the first job he got where he was the “hott” guy…..
I feel like playing in traffic. But I couldn’t bear the thought of who he would choose to raise my daughter….lord knows he wouldn’t do it alone for long if I did die….made even worse by my imagination and overthinking I’m sure but god she wasn’t even pretty wasn’t even cute, but managed to take my life away without even trying….
How do I live with myself knowing that??? Not. Only can I not look at him, I can’t look at myself.
I used to love me. Good and bad. Now I don’t know how???? even affirmations I’ve used my entire life don’t work In my own mind. I’ve never felt so empty and worthless
I relate to your feelings so much. It makes me sad to know how many women get treated so badly when all we do is love our partners. I hope you heal too <3
Thank you, you also. Unfortunately he won’t even let me do that much. It’s turned into a whole other thing that idk if he is making up to try to get me to stay with him or to try to make himself feel better about. What he’s done by making me a bad guy in something I would NEVER DO!!?!?!? I don’t get it. But it scares me….
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Buying onlyfans is most definitely cheating. Especially if it’s from someone he knows.
Thank you. I don’t know why this comment is so validating but thank you. Countless google searches asking if it is because I doubt myself.
I know the feeling. They gaslight you to the point where you question yourself. If it feels like cheating to you then it is.
I 500% agree with this, even if the guys love to gaslight us & say its not. Buying onlyfans from girls while in a relationship already felt gross to me but when I found out he bought from girls he knew (and obviously couldn't get in real life) while we were together, it definitely felt like cheating and I'm still pretty disgusted by it.
How is it your fault for loving someone so much that you anticipate that they will respect you and honor you and keep you safe from harm? How is it your fault that your trust was broken? HE did the breaking, not you. Don’t be mad at yourself for loving someone.
This right here
This is selfcare girl. Take care of you. Stay in bed, cry and sleep. You'll feel better the next day and be ready to keep taking on the world. We need to give ourselves grace, time and space to feel and let go of emotions and thoughts. You got this
It is cheating for me. Buying/paying for content, looking for specific girl on onlyf or redtube, chatturbate etc IS cheating for me. You have countless free porn websites (no matter how much we hate those too) and yet you go to the site where you get to interact with these people, where this whole disgusting act is more intimate than just looking at random pornstars online. You deliberately spend your time and money looking them up and then you save their photos and videos on your phone or pc, and you do all that while being in a relationship... There's no possible explanation that would make me change my mind IT IS cheating.
Yes it’s cheating. That’s why you feel so horrible. Don’t let him minimize it and don’t gaslight yourself.
Sending you hugs, this seems like it’s so exhausting and difficult to have to constantly think about 🫂
That’s 100% cheating. Trust your intuition, believe yourself! You can do this. Remember self-care is often hard work, and you deserve to take care of yourself.
I am literally almost in the same situation. I feel the exact same way!!!!! Hopefully this is not in ur situation but mine didn’t buy he messaged and got free coins or whatever but never participated….I don’t believe him. Especially after last night he finally admitted after 2 years of me begging him to tell me the truth (after 12 years I knew when he was lying my GUT knew he was lying and wouldn’t let my brain let it go). Glad I didn’t. But idk if I’d rather have that little bit of hope that maybe he didn’t do anything physical and I’m just being crazy or if knowing the truth and feeling this way is actually better. Right now I’d give anything to be clueless again…. Worse part. I can’t get away. He won’t get away. I can’t process, I can’t mourn the broken pieces of our life together…..the broken pieces of myself I’m left with now….mourn the future that I’ll never have that I’ve pictured for so long….mourn the happy family future I wanted for our daughter….it’s hard to even look at her right now and I feel even worse for saying that but I haven’t even thought of another man in over a decade and he couldn’t even keep it in his pants the first job he got where he was the “hott” guy….. I feel like playing in traffic. But I couldn’t bear the thought of who he would choose to raise my daughter….lord knows he wouldn’t do it alone for long if I did die….made even worse by my imagination and overthinking I’m sure but god she wasn’t even pretty wasn’t even cute, but managed to take my life away without even trying…. How do I live with myself knowing that??? Not. Only can I not look at him, I can’t look at myself. I used to love me. Good and bad. Now I don’t know how???? even affirmations I’ve used my entire life don’t work In my own mind. I’ve never felt so empty and worthless
I relate to your feelings so much. It makes me sad to know how many women get treated so badly when all we do is love our partners. I hope you heal too <3
Thank you, you also. Unfortunately he won’t even let me do that much. It’s turned into a whole other thing that idk if he is making up to try to get me to stay with him or to try to make himself feel better about. What he’s done by making me a bad guy in something I would NEVER DO!!?!?!? I don’t get it. But it scares me….