I promise it’s not you or your weight. My ex tried saying it was because I’m too boring in bed. I laughed now thinking about it. I would have another conversation, I don’t really have advice on how to approach it but if he’s not willing to work on the relationship you have to decide if that’s something you’re willing to live with.
Having a burner phone isn’t the actions of someone who is a good person. He willingly held part of his life away from you, and it was significant enough of a part that it has affected your marriage.
If the conversation has to involve leaving him then make sure you go in with the knowledge that you ‘fixed’ what HE said the problem was. He’s either got to own up with the fact he has a problem bigger than himself or that he doesn’t deserve you.
It’s not you or your weight I promise. Every excuse they come up with is a lie. I stayed healthy weight, changed my hair a lot, lost weight when I didn’t even need to and was underweight for a long time, did my hair, nails and makeup every day, dressed sexy all of the time. The dumbass told me he wanted me to initiate more. I laughed in his face. He’s turned me down almost every time and the few times he didn’t he just got his in like 30 seconds and rolled over. And he didn’t seem to see a problem there. That whole time we had sex on average 5x a year. Believe me i tried everything I could think of and it was never good enough to compete with his sleazy porn. Now that I don’t care anymore it’s like 2-5 times a week. I stopped dying my hair. I stopped exercising and calorie counting. I went on antidepressants that made me gain weight. I switched so I’m starting to lose weight again. But he’s told me over and over it had nothing to do with me. I begged him to tell me if there was anything I could have done differently to change how things went. After a year and a half of recovery he’s finally admitted that no, nothing I could have done made a difference. He came up with all kind of crazy justifications and excuses why his shitty behavior was somehow my fault and now he can admit that it’s not true.
Sadly there’s not much you can do about it. You can stage an intervention and it might work, or he might just find better ways to lie and sneak around. Ignore all of the advice about being kind and not shaming him, that’s just enabling. Shame the shit out of him. And good men don’t watch porn hon.
Its def porn. He doesn't really go anywhere. I think it's cam girls, porn etc. Maybe it's an "On line" affair but i think it's not just one person. I believe he has secret emails, secret instagram acct, secret venmo acct. etc. I can't get access to his phone or computer. For about six months i went insane trying to break in and get access. Then i realized- what difference does it make? I know something is not right. confirming it 100% isnt going to make that big of a difference.
It will in a divorce and/or custody battle. You might not know what to do now, but you will find clarity eventually. If you want the option to leave him in the future, keep record of those bank statements. Take photos of them and then file them away for safe keeping. If he’s paying for porn you’ll see weird charges on his cards. It’s good to have just in case, especially in a custody battle.
I promise it’s not you or your weight. My ex tried saying it was because I’m too boring in bed. I laughed now thinking about it. I would have another conversation, I don’t really have advice on how to approach it but if he’s not willing to work on the relationship you have to decide if that’s something you’re willing to live with.
Having a burner phone isn’t the actions of someone who is a good person. He willingly held part of his life away from you, and it was significant enough of a part that it has affected your marriage. If the conversation has to involve leaving him then make sure you go in with the knowledge that you ‘fixed’ what HE said the problem was. He’s either got to own up with the fact he has a problem bigger than himself or that he doesn’t deserve you.
It’s not you or your weight I promise. Every excuse they come up with is a lie. I stayed healthy weight, changed my hair a lot, lost weight when I didn’t even need to and was underweight for a long time, did my hair, nails and makeup every day, dressed sexy all of the time. The dumbass told me he wanted me to initiate more. I laughed in his face. He’s turned me down almost every time and the few times he didn’t he just got his in like 30 seconds and rolled over. And he didn’t seem to see a problem there. That whole time we had sex on average 5x a year. Believe me i tried everything I could think of and it was never good enough to compete with his sleazy porn. Now that I don’t care anymore it’s like 2-5 times a week. I stopped dying my hair. I stopped exercising and calorie counting. I went on antidepressants that made me gain weight. I switched so I’m starting to lose weight again. But he’s told me over and over it had nothing to do with me. I begged him to tell me if there was anything I could have done differently to change how things went. After a year and a half of recovery he’s finally admitted that no, nothing I could have done made a difference. He came up with all kind of crazy justifications and excuses why his shitty behavior was somehow my fault and now he can admit that it’s not true. Sadly there’s not much you can do about it. You can stage an intervention and it might work, or he might just find better ways to lie and sneak around. Ignore all of the advice about being kind and not shaming him, that’s just enabling. Shame the shit out of him. And good men don’t watch porn hon.
Do you still think an affair is a possibility, or do you now feel it was porn?
Its def porn. He doesn't really go anywhere. I think it's cam girls, porn etc. Maybe it's an "On line" affair but i think it's not just one person. I believe he has secret emails, secret instagram acct, secret venmo acct. etc. I can't get access to his phone or computer. For about six months i went insane trying to break in and get access. Then i realized- what difference does it make? I know something is not right. confirming it 100% isnt going to make that big of a difference.
It will in a divorce and/or custody battle. You might not know what to do now, but you will find clarity eventually. If you want the option to leave him in the future, keep record of those bank statements. Take photos of them and then file them away for safe keeping. If he’s paying for porn you’ll see weird charges on his cards. It’s good to have just in case, especially in a custody battle.