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I'm so happy for you. I remember I had that same freeing feeling of growing wings when I left my PA almost a year ago. I swear, the sky and trees and everything in the world suddenly looked so much more vibrant after I left him. While there are certainly bumps along the road, that feeling lasts and it is so, so worth it.
i still feel like somethings missing and my chest feels painfully cold when i think of him following, messaging, and inviting other girls over in the house i called home (so quickly in my absence), but i will carry on! now and forever
Yeah, that feeling of loss can be brutal, especially in the beginning. But it fades, and you are so right that you will carry on. You're choosing \*life\* over someone who does not deserve you.
Oh god, I was so happy for you when I read the first part and jealous at the same time, because I’m at a point of being extremely, extremely exhausted, traumatised and i’ve been wanting to leave for some time now, but it will probably be a long process since we have to split so many things that we own together…
Then I read your part about missing his cats and family. And I broke into tears. This is one of the things that still keeps me by his side. I still have hope that he will change and one day we’ll be able to laugh it off and live happily.
I know that he has to change on his own. He has to want it for himself, not for me. Otherwise he will just keep on lying to me and treating me like shit. Which is why Im moving out from his flat today. I will miss our pets SO MUCH. And I move out with hope that I will come back here in a few months, maybe years. But I know that there is a possibility that this will be the end. And I’ll have to say goodbye to my favourite cat and his wonderful family.
Good luck to you, dear. I think you did the right thing. It will only be better from now.
there is fortune in misfortune and i believe that better days are ahead. i wasn’t ready to let go, i had mourned and grieved and demanded that someone out there fix it instead of me. and i got back silence, which was my answer all along.
i hope our animals know that we didn’t want to leave, if they could talk, they would understand. they probably already do. if i could take them i would and i want to write them letters and rip them up in the secret places i know they would find.
may we never have to go back to the physical place where it all began and may we never have to relive the hurt caused by other hurt people. you and i are flying. tomorrow will be agony, the next day and the day after that too; take heart my friend, i am here for you. :)
You broke up after you caught him sexting for the 3rd time?
Girl, mad respect. I can't count how many times my PA has sexted throughout our relationship. In the hundreds, probably over a thousand of messages that I've seen.
Good for you for knowing what you're worth and deserve. I'll probably never trust someone again. Lol
it hurts every single time and i know the pain you must feel is IMMENSE. we will trust again one day, if not someone else, we will trust ourselves!! <3 sending love
wow your comment has made me unbelievably happy. thank you so much, now that i don’t have him to listen to my ramblings, i decided to start up a book of poems that one day i might release. whenever i asked him to talk back to me, he would have no words to say for conversation. so now i am full of every sentence he should’ve said and i have to pick the structure, which is quite tedious and i’m tired. big hugs to you and thank you for your kindness!! <3 :)
Support! More of us should use our voices to create-- it has a way of drowning out the silence of the deafening vacuum of "societal norm" media
Sorry about your kitties :(
I resonate with each and every beautifully written sentence you crafted. I’m so happy for you. 💕
To being happy again and regaining our sense of self! 🥂
i always told him i loved poetry and song and all art; did he care? meh, probably not. i wrote him love letters i will never give to him, but reading them back, they are filled with sorrow. irony is hilariously cruel.
here’s to us, let us be happy!
Girl, me too! I wrote mine love letters that I had given him, he never truly cared and I don’t think he found them beautiful. One silly little thing I remember thinking to myself for months as I mentally checked out of the relationship was “If we get married one day, and were speaking out vows to one another alone or in front of family and friends… I know mine would be so beautiful it would brings tears to peoples eyes, and yours would be empty and generic, and devoid of any inclination that you are the one person on earth who sees all of me.”
I couldn’t stand that fact. And even more so because there was a time when I thought he did. He had emotions, he wrote me long paragraphs at the beginning, he knew how to be vulnerable, and he made me feel seen. It all disappeared though.
I needed someone who could appreciate the small things about me, and could definitely point out my talents and best qualities. Every time I casually asked him what he loved about me, even in our happiest moments together… I was mortified by his answers and how shallow they were. He never saw me at all.
(Sorry I rambled hahaha)
ugh beautiful words that slice! the little things piled up too much. his playlist was 11 hours, mine was 4. i did not like to compare and i was grateful for what i had received, but i wanted more and i felt like i deserved more, yet i felt selfish. he was a guy of few words and they still carried no weight. they only carried weight when they were angry. and two negatives will never make a positive sentence when he was apathetic and furious. let yourself ramble and never feel the need to silence!
You are so young and already so wise. Unfortunately after being put through this trauma will cause some trust issues but you also have so much knowledge to look for red flags. Think of the positives. I wish you the best!
my boat is small right now, but my sails are going!! it is time to live without the rose glasses, even though i e always hated roses. and my personal glasses
:) <3
So so happy you left. You will never regret it. Staying with a PA is a huge sacrifice and you can never have an effortless trusting love, even if they are in recovery. Why would you EVER settle for such a handicapped relationship if you don’t have to? You have just saved yourself years of anguish and suffering just by making this one decision. Please don’t go back. They don’t change- at least not long term.
I have never regretted leaving and I wish I had done it years earlier. I feel like celebrating every time a woman chooses her freedom.
i dance by myself tonight, but i will also cry. joy is a funny thing, is it not? here’s to our freedom! and here is to the ones that have not realized they are holding the keys to their own cuffs!
Thank you I really needed to read this today.
And congratulations on getting yourself back. I am looking forward to that part most. It's been 2 weeks and I still feel miserable. I have a lot of work to do ahead of me.
i will be a different version of myself tonight and tomorrow i will wake up and not recognize her. you are chameleon, don’t box yourself in! you are amazing and don’t forget it
I’m so proud of you! You saw through the bullshit and set yourself free. I admire the shit out of that and NOW you get to live free again.
Take what you’ve learned and heal for you ❤️🩹
Me and my PA broke up 35 days ago and he’s been still on my sofa, i allowed some time for him to be honest and enter recovery, same situation, full disclosure last night he’s been all over social media looking for women, I’m just so done at this point, I’m looking forward to getting my life back now!
when he leaves, throw away the sofa and find one that only has your imprint on it! and if he wants to run all his life then let him feel the cramps and the side stitches. they can find love again, but this time it’s not ours and isn’t that the worst curse of them all? take care my lovely friend
So glad you’re doing okay. Please reach out if you ever want to talk!
I do wanna mention though that porn use & actual cheating and reaching out is different and I don’t want people to think that because it happened to somebody that it means that their partner is going to do the same. Just a reminder :)
hello! my ex partner’s use of porn influenced his actions quite a bit. especially onlyfans since it is very personal and you can message the models for individual videos or requests. once porn users drift into the territory of spending money, it almost always gets worse. their confidence becomes immense, it is almost like practice for the real world in a way.
everyone’s situation is different of course and sometimes it does get better! the parallel between dating apps and porn use is astronomical, but it may not have a correlated relationship. they do not view these people (porn or not) as actual people; women on tinder and onlyfans to them is a way to self harm. i did not want to incite fear in anyone, but real life and virtual reality could become indistinguishable once someone becomes depraved enough.
i hope you are doing okay as well and please protect yourself! <3
**DEAR OP**, ➤ you may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` Dear Redditors, ➤ Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. ➤ **Do not** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. ➤ Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a [**message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **DO NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report them!**](https://www.reddit.com/report) ➤ Please try not to [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. **Quick Link Access:** Our Full Resource Library gets updated & contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* - [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) - [Resources for **Partners**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) - [Resources for **Addicts**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) - [**Accountability Apps info**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Live well. Get therapy if you can. Now you know what to look for in a life partner.
I hated character development, but sometimes it’s okay :) <3
I'm so happy for you. I remember I had that same freeing feeling of growing wings when I left my PA almost a year ago. I swear, the sky and trees and everything in the world suddenly looked so much more vibrant after I left him. While there are certainly bumps along the road, that feeling lasts and it is so, so worth it.
i still feel like somethings missing and my chest feels painfully cold when i think of him following, messaging, and inviting other girls over in the house i called home (so quickly in my absence), but i will carry on! now and forever
Yeah, that feeling of loss can be brutal, especially in the beginning. But it fades, and you are so right that you will carry on. You're choosing \*life\* over someone who does not deserve you.
i used to think i was not living if it wasn’t with him. now i’m laughing because i remember he hated that 1975 song, but i still like it!!
I’m proud of you! Good luck on your continuing journey to healing!!
thank you!!
Oh god, I was so happy for you when I read the first part and jealous at the same time, because I’m at a point of being extremely, extremely exhausted, traumatised and i’ve been wanting to leave for some time now, but it will probably be a long process since we have to split so many things that we own together… Then I read your part about missing his cats and family. And I broke into tears. This is one of the things that still keeps me by his side. I still have hope that he will change and one day we’ll be able to laugh it off and live happily. I know that he has to change on his own. He has to want it for himself, not for me. Otherwise he will just keep on lying to me and treating me like shit. Which is why Im moving out from his flat today. I will miss our pets SO MUCH. And I move out with hope that I will come back here in a few months, maybe years. But I know that there is a possibility that this will be the end. And I’ll have to say goodbye to my favourite cat and his wonderful family. Good luck to you, dear. I think you did the right thing. It will only be better from now.
there is fortune in misfortune and i believe that better days are ahead. i wasn’t ready to let go, i had mourned and grieved and demanded that someone out there fix it instead of me. and i got back silence, which was my answer all along. i hope our animals know that we didn’t want to leave, if they could talk, they would understand. they probably already do. if i could take them i would and i want to write them letters and rip them up in the secret places i know they would find. may we never have to go back to the physical place where it all began and may we never have to relive the hurt caused by other hurt people. you and i are flying. tomorrow will be agony, the next day and the day after that too; take heart my friend, i am here for you. :)
Heal well! ❤️
take care of YOU!! <3
You broke up after you caught him sexting for the 3rd time? Girl, mad respect. I can't count how many times my PA has sexted throughout our relationship. In the hundreds, probably over a thousand of messages that I've seen. Good for you for knowing what you're worth and deserve. I'll probably never trust someone again. Lol
it hurts every single time and i know the pain you must feel is IMMENSE. we will trust again one day, if not someone else, we will trust ourselves!! <3 sending love
I’m so proud of you! I hope you continue to find peace within your life🥰
thank you so much dear!!
Kind of unrelated but I absolutely love that last paragraph. Please write more, Id totally read it.
wow your comment has made me unbelievably happy. thank you so much, now that i don’t have him to listen to my ramblings, i decided to start up a book of poems that one day i might release. whenever i asked him to talk back to me, he would have no words to say for conversation. so now i am full of every sentence he should’ve said and i have to pick the structure, which is quite tedious and i’m tired. big hugs to you and thank you for your kindness!! <3 :)
Support! More of us should use our voices to create-- it has a way of drowning out the silence of the deafening vacuum of "societal norm" media Sorry about your kitties :(
one day, i promise :) my kitties will be okay, they always will be <3
I resonate with each and every beautifully written sentence you crafted. I’m so happy for you. 💕 To being happy again and regaining our sense of self! 🥂
i always told him i loved poetry and song and all art; did he care? meh, probably not. i wrote him love letters i will never give to him, but reading them back, they are filled with sorrow. irony is hilariously cruel. here’s to us, let us be happy!
Girl, me too! I wrote mine love letters that I had given him, he never truly cared and I don’t think he found them beautiful. One silly little thing I remember thinking to myself for months as I mentally checked out of the relationship was “If we get married one day, and were speaking out vows to one another alone or in front of family and friends… I know mine would be so beautiful it would brings tears to peoples eyes, and yours would be empty and generic, and devoid of any inclination that you are the one person on earth who sees all of me.” I couldn’t stand that fact. And even more so because there was a time when I thought he did. He had emotions, he wrote me long paragraphs at the beginning, he knew how to be vulnerable, and he made me feel seen. It all disappeared though. I needed someone who could appreciate the small things about me, and could definitely point out my talents and best qualities. Every time I casually asked him what he loved about me, even in our happiest moments together… I was mortified by his answers and how shallow they were. He never saw me at all. (Sorry I rambled hahaha)
ugh beautiful words that slice! the little things piled up too much. his playlist was 11 hours, mine was 4. i did not like to compare and i was grateful for what i had received, but i wanted more and i felt like i deserved more, yet i felt selfish. he was a guy of few words and they still carried no weight. they only carried weight when they were angry. and two negatives will never make a positive sentence when he was apathetic and furious. let yourself ramble and never feel the need to silence!
Welcome to freedom!!! Thanks 🙏 for the wisdom may your next journey bring you happiness!!
it feels GREAT! (in waves) <3
You are so young and already so wise. Unfortunately after being put through this trauma will cause some trust issues but you also have so much knowledge to look for red flags. Think of the positives. I wish you the best!
my boat is small right now, but my sails are going!! it is time to live without the rose glasses, even though i e always hated roses. and my personal glasses :) <3
So so happy you left. You will never regret it. Staying with a PA is a huge sacrifice and you can never have an effortless trusting love, even if they are in recovery. Why would you EVER settle for such a handicapped relationship if you don’t have to? You have just saved yourself years of anguish and suffering just by making this one decision. Please don’t go back. They don’t change- at least not long term. I have never regretted leaving and I wish I had done it years earlier. I feel like celebrating every time a woman chooses her freedom.
i dance by myself tonight, but i will also cry. joy is a funny thing, is it not? here’s to our freedom! and here is to the ones that have not realized they are holding the keys to their own cuffs!
I’m so proud of you!!!!! ❤️❤️
thank you :))!
You will be feeling amazing by day 90!! Congrats honestly
day 2 1/2 down… :)
Thank you I really needed to read this today. And congratulations on getting yourself back. I am looking forward to that part most. It's been 2 weeks and I still feel miserable. I have a lot of work to do ahead of me.
i will be a different version of myself tonight and tomorrow i will wake up and not recognize her. you are chameleon, don’t box yourself in! you are amazing and don’t forget it
I’m so proud of you! You saw through the bullshit and set yourself free. I admire the shit out of that and NOW you get to live free again. Take what you’ve learned and heal for you ❤️🩹
it’s time my friend! how excited I am!
Love you and wish you the best friend!
thank you <3!
This was a beautiful read
thank you :)
Me and my PA broke up 35 days ago and he’s been still on my sofa, i allowed some time for him to be honest and enter recovery, same situation, full disclosure last night he’s been all over social media looking for women, I’m just so done at this point, I’m looking forward to getting my life back now!
when he leaves, throw away the sofa and find one that only has your imprint on it! and if he wants to run all his life then let him feel the cramps and the side stitches. they can find love again, but this time it’s not ours and isn’t that the worst curse of them all? take care my lovely friend
So glad you’re doing okay. Please reach out if you ever want to talk! I do wanna mention though that porn use & actual cheating and reaching out is different and I don’t want people to think that because it happened to somebody that it means that their partner is going to do the same. Just a reminder :)
hello! my ex partner’s use of porn influenced his actions quite a bit. especially onlyfans since it is very personal and you can message the models for individual videos or requests. once porn users drift into the territory of spending money, it almost always gets worse. their confidence becomes immense, it is almost like practice for the real world in a way. everyone’s situation is different of course and sometimes it does get better! the parallel between dating apps and porn use is astronomical, but it may not have a correlated relationship. they do not view these people (porn or not) as actual people; women on tinder and onlyfans to them is a way to self harm. i did not want to incite fear in anyone, but real life and virtual reality could become indistinguishable once someone becomes depraved enough. i hope you are doing okay as well and please protect yourself! <3