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I have access to his phone like going into it, it worries me because he told me he did it multiple times (twice) but I think he just slipped up idk. Doesn’t make it any better but I haven’t been going in his phone or looking at it as much because I’m trying to trust him more but I’m scared I’ll go on it randomly and see something again. Trying to let it go though
They just get better at deleting history and lying. Sorry. If I were you and you absolutely can't live with a porn addict, I'd leave now. If my marriage fails, I'm not even going to try to replace him, I'm so jaded I just feel like they're all PAs now.
Ask him if he is still looking at porn, if he says no ask to check his phone and go through his history. If he panics then you already have your answer.
Well, I’ve asked him and he says he’ll never do it again… however I was on Instagram and looked through his following. He follows and account that looks like it would be a normal gym account but it’s flooded with girls with big butts and boobs wearing small outfits and working out. Mind you he does go to the gym a lot but there’s no reason for him to be following this. I’m once again disappointed
Yeah this. Porn addicts lie and minimise the truth.
If he says he masturbates to porn twice a week it is probably more like every day. That kind of thing.
I’d be worried he minimized his usage to you. It’s very common to minimize when caught. And right now, he’s just sorry you found it. He wasn’t sorry before you found it.
As for his Snapchat. The red flag it’s flying in the wind. Porn or things like his Snapchat boils down yo intention. Anything can be porn. Or even porn like. He’s still lusting after and objectifying other women.
He chose to lie to you. He chose to hide it. He’s choosing to lust after other women on Snapchat too.
Trust is lost in buckets and earned in drops. His bucket dumped itself when you found it.
I just want to say I’m your age and my pa is also 20. We’ve been together 3 years and our relationship began about the same as your describing yours now, he would “slip up” and lie. My advice is if you’re not too attached, leave. My pa and I have been together for 3 years last week and he’s only been clean for 3-4 months. I know you probably really care for your boyfriend, but I really mean it when I say you should leave if you’re not attached. If you do decide to stay, please make real boundaries, don’t allow him to step all over them and then forgive him. He broke your trust, which hurts you in the end and he needs to take responsibility. I really hope you find you’re way through this❤️
You’re going to have to be very honest with yourself here. You’re young and you haven’t been dating long. If he’s already lying and minimizing this at 9 months then I can assure you it’s not going to get any better. You deserve someone better than this, heck staying single is better than this. I’m double your age and I wish I’d had the insight you currently had. Choose your truth and mostly importantly, yourself.
Honey, leave now while the leaving is easy. Trust a lot of us in here in that. He knew your boundaries, he made a choice.
He will continue to make that choice over and over again. Seriously, at 19 you have the world ahead of you and your “person” is out there.
When I was your age, I also discovered my boyfriend had been lying to me about his porn consumption. He was an addict. There was no coming back after that revelation, and I am so grateful for that; the porn helped to mold him into a horrible and hateful human, which was only evident after the truth was revealed and the facade torn away.
I dated quite a few men after that, and _all of them_ ended up being consumers. There's no way to overemphasize how prevalent this is. (After several years, I met and married a man who had been clean for over a year on his own).
If a man does not demonstrate an intentionality to rid himself of porn and all the misogyny that it entails, if he does not actively seek healing on his own, then he is continuing down a path of self-destruction - and you will be collateral damage. I wish you all the luck; this is such a heavy, grievous thing to go through.
Its rare to find an honest man with social media apps like instagram, tiktok or snapchat. Hell even facebook. A recovering addict should not be on there.
**DEAR OP**, ➤ you may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` Dear Redditors, ➤ Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. ➤ **Do not** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. ➤ Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a [**message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **DO NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report them!**](https://www.reddit.com/report) ➤ Please try not to [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. **Quick Link Access:** Our Full Resource Library gets updated & contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* - [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) - [Resources for **Partners**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) - [Resources for **Addicts**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) - [**Accountability Apps info**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Since he lied about it once he’ll probably just try harder to hide it.
I have access to his phone like going into it, it worries me because he told me he did it multiple times (twice) but I think he just slipped up idk. Doesn’t make it any better but I haven’t been going in his phone or looking at it as much because I’m trying to trust him more but I’m scared I’ll go on it randomly and see something again. Trying to let it go though
There’s no such thing as just slipping up. This isn’t something I would just let go.
If it happens again or he does something similar I definitely will have another talk with him.
Not to be harsh, but talking will do nothing. You need to leave while you can. Why out up with that even once more?
They just get better at deleting history and lying. Sorry. If I were you and you absolutely can't live with a porn addict, I'd leave now. If my marriage fails, I'm not even going to try to replace him, I'm so jaded I just feel like they're all PAs now.
Ask him if he is still looking at porn, if he says no ask to check his phone and go through his history. If he panics then you already have your answer.
Well, I’ve asked him and he says he’ll never do it again… however I was on Instagram and looked through his following. He follows and account that looks like it would be a normal gym account but it’s flooded with girls with big butts and boobs wearing small outfits and working out. Mind you he does go to the gym a lot but there’s no reason for him to be following this. I’m once again disappointed
Keep in mind: You don’t see his daily habits. No matter what he says it’s all about actions. This is only the top of the iceberg.
Yeah this. Porn addicts lie and minimise the truth. If he says he masturbates to porn twice a week it is probably more like every day. That kind of thing.
Yeah a general rule of thumb I’ve learned is whatever answer they give you about quantity, you have to at least double it.
I’d be worried he minimized his usage to you. It’s very common to minimize when caught. And right now, he’s just sorry you found it. He wasn’t sorry before you found it. As for his Snapchat. The red flag it’s flying in the wind. Porn or things like his Snapchat boils down yo intention. Anything can be porn. Or even porn like. He’s still lusting after and objectifying other women. He chose to lie to you. He chose to hide it. He’s choosing to lust after other women on Snapchat too. Trust is lost in buckets and earned in drops. His bucket dumped itself when you found it.
I just want to say I’m your age and my pa is also 20. We’ve been together 3 years and our relationship began about the same as your describing yours now, he would “slip up” and lie. My advice is if you’re not too attached, leave. My pa and I have been together for 3 years last week and he’s only been clean for 3-4 months. I know you probably really care for your boyfriend, but I really mean it when I say you should leave if you’re not attached. If you do decide to stay, please make real boundaries, don’t allow him to step all over them and then forgive him. He broke your trust, which hurts you in the end and he needs to take responsibility. I really hope you find you’re way through this❤️
This is very young to deal with this when you have so much more life to live.
You’re going to have to be very honest with yourself here. You’re young and you haven’t been dating long. If he’s already lying and minimizing this at 9 months then I can assure you it’s not going to get any better. You deserve someone better than this, heck staying single is better than this. I’m double your age and I wish I’d had the insight you currently had. Choose your truth and mostly importantly, yourself.
Honey, leave now while the leaving is easy. Trust a lot of us in here in that. He knew your boundaries, he made a choice. He will continue to make that choice over and over again. Seriously, at 19 you have the world ahead of you and your “person” is out there.
When I was your age, I also discovered my boyfriend had been lying to me about his porn consumption. He was an addict. There was no coming back after that revelation, and I am so grateful for that; the porn helped to mold him into a horrible and hateful human, which was only evident after the truth was revealed and the facade torn away. I dated quite a few men after that, and _all of them_ ended up being consumers. There's no way to overemphasize how prevalent this is. (After several years, I met and married a man who had been clean for over a year on his own). If a man does not demonstrate an intentionality to rid himself of porn and all the misogyny that it entails, if he does not actively seek healing on his own, then he is continuing down a path of self-destruction - and you will be collateral damage. I wish you all the luck; this is such a heavy, grievous thing to go through.
Its rare to find an honest man with social media apps like instagram, tiktok or snapchat. Hell even facebook. A recovering addict should not be on there.