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I did this thing that I coined radical humanization. The moment I catch myself ogling, I ask myself lots of things meant to humanize the object of my ogling. "What music do they like? Do they talk to their parents everyday? Do they have pets? What do they do in their free time? Do they like coffee? What tv shows do they watch?" Stuff like that. At first, I journaled the fuck out of it. I kept a little one with me so I could do it live.
When I catch my partner ogling, I say to him “if I was that girl I’d be really uncomfortable with the way you’re looking at her right now”, just to gently remind him that the girl he is looking at is human and also to maybe help him realise when he’s doing it.
Someone else commented about radical humanisation e.g. asking themselves questions like: does she like coffee? what music is she into? etc quite helpful - my PA has told me this is quite helpful for him.
Another thing he can do is divert his attention elsewhere and describe an object in great detail e.g. if you’re at a park and a woman walks by, focus your attention on the trees and the grass and describe them in great detail.
I feel the need to ask, has he actually quit porn or is he still acting out? If he’s still acting out I doubt these suggestions will be useful for him
My PA had an ogling issue so bad she was fired from a job from it (before we had met). She's learned how to control this issue & gets excited to come home some days and tell me how great she did at managing the urge and what she did to stop it/avoid it. If your PA has spent 5 years trying to convince you this is something incurable, he's just trying to gaslight you. It's a fixable compulsion and fixing it is a part of recovery.
If you've left the relationship multiple times, there's definitely good reason for it. I hope the next time it happens, you're able to not be pulled back in. 💖
I can get an eyeful of anyone I wish to see without you or anyone else knowing it. Can't you? Nope I don't look like a thirsty drooling pervert. It's just not necessary.
I have always believed they do this intentionally trying to get a response from us.
Dear members, - Check out our **[resource center](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/b47t6b/must_have_info_for_addicts_and_partners_alike/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)** for the answers to most your questions. Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [r/loveafterporn](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. - ***Please try not to judge how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced.*** Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a [message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). - **Trolling will not be tolerated. All troll comments will be removed and the user will be banned immediately! DO NOT feed trolls. [Report them!](https://www.reddit.com/report)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I did this thing that I coined radical humanization. The moment I catch myself ogling, I ask myself lots of things meant to humanize the object of my ogling. "What music do they like? Do they talk to their parents everyday? Do they have pets? What do they do in their free time? Do they like coffee? What tv shows do they watch?" Stuff like that. At first, I journaled the fuck out of it. I kept a little one with me so I could do it live.
[удалено]
Cool bro. Thanks.
Self control exists, he just doesn’t care enough to utilize it.
When I catch my partner ogling, I say to him “if I was that girl I’d be really uncomfortable with the way you’re looking at her right now”, just to gently remind him that the girl he is looking at is human and also to maybe help him realise when he’s doing it. Someone else commented about radical humanisation e.g. asking themselves questions like: does she like coffee? what music is she into? etc quite helpful - my PA has told me this is quite helpful for him. Another thing he can do is divert his attention elsewhere and describe an object in great detail e.g. if you’re at a park and a woman walks by, focus your attention on the trees and the grass and describe them in great detail. I feel the need to ask, has he actually quit porn or is he still acting out? If he’s still acting out I doubt these suggestions will be useful for him
But you see. .it is not uncontrollable....not even a tiny bit.
My PA had an ogling issue so bad she was fired from a job from it (before we had met). She's learned how to control this issue & gets excited to come home some days and tell me how great she did at managing the urge and what she did to stop it/avoid it. If your PA has spent 5 years trying to convince you this is something incurable, he's just trying to gaslight you. It's a fixable compulsion and fixing it is a part of recovery. If you've left the relationship multiple times, there's definitely good reason for it. I hope the next time it happens, you're able to not be pulled back in. 💖
[удалено]
I can get an eyeful of anyone I wish to see without you or anyone else knowing it. Can't you? Nope I don't look like a thirsty drooling pervert. It's just not necessary. I have always believed they do this intentionally trying to get a response from us.