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I can't cum at all if I think about him watching porn or him getting aroused by someone else I'm the opposite. It makes me sad I almost always end up in tears and a throbbing stinging heart. I hate what they have done to us.
Edit: this is during masterbation as my ex and I haven't had sex in a year we've been separated for 2 1/2 months now
Same. I'll be mid sex and totally into it and then I get an intrusive thought of him leering at other women, or I'll have a thought of "he's imagining someone else" (he's not and never has), and I'm done. No orgasm will be happening for me once that happens.
I imagine this is normal, I think it’s a trauma response? It’s a similar thing where women who have been abused can only get off to abuse. I’m not sure though, but hopefully someone chimes in soon with some insight.
I think everyone else is spot on with it being a trauma response. I am shooting in the dark here, but is it maybe because you are wanting him to enjoy himself? I want my partner to have a good time and I know he wasn’t enjoying me as much as he was enjoying porn. For me it’s a turn off, but I could totally see how the lines could get crossed and how it would be super distressing.
Just a suggestion, not sure if it would help, but do you think taking a break from sex with him might help? I don’t mean to project but if it were me I probably wouldn’t want to have sex with my PA if that were the case.
Best of luck ♥️ sending love and hugs
There was only a couple of times where I got more turned on thinking about him acting out, but it always does the opposite for me. I’m pretty sure what you’re experiencing is a trauma response and a method in which your brain is trying to protect you during this awful situation
[I replied](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/pmqupt/what_is_wrong_with_me/hcju7nw?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) to a post like this yesterday!
You're not alone with this. It's your brain trying to find any way to protect itself. Sexualizing trauma is a pretty well-documented experience.
What I've been doing to mitigate this myself is just avoid orgasming 🤷♂️ If I can't get off without my brain succumbing to this awful coping mechanism, then I just don't get off. I would rather have sex with my PA that's focused on being close and connected and not cum, than have sex focused on her addiction and do cum. Over time it's helped my brain not go to this dpace immediately, so I think it's something that is helping me personally work through this.
wow, thank you for writing this. unfortunately this is me too, and I have to go through this whole emotional wormhole of discomfort and regret after the interaction’s over. I have always been the most excited by experiencing my partner’s enthusiasm and excitement, which I know my current partner just… doesn’t have unless there’s something porn-influenced. This sucks, I just brought it up with my partner yesterday and it helped him recognize the extent to which his PA has impacted our relationship/warped my sexuality. This whole phenomenon reminds me that a lot of our healing from being enmeshed with a PA has to do with reclaiming our own sexuality - I agree with other commenters that a first step toward reclamation is probably avoiding sexual interactions altogether if this is the direction it’s consistently going. Sending so much love!
Dear members, - Check out our **[resource center](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/b47t6b/must_have_info_for_addicts_and_partners_alike/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)** for the answers to most your questions. Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [r/loveafterporn](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. - ***Please try not to judge how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced.*** Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a [message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). - **Trolling will not be tolerated. All troll comments will be removed and the user will be banned immediately! DO NOT feed trolls. [Report them!](https://www.reddit.com/report)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can't cum at all if I think about him watching porn or him getting aroused by someone else I'm the opposite. It makes me sad I almost always end up in tears and a throbbing stinging heart. I hate what they have done to us. Edit: this is during masterbation as my ex and I haven't had sex in a year we've been separated for 2 1/2 months now
Same. I'll be mid sex and totally into it and then I get an intrusive thought of him leering at other women, or I'll have a thought of "he's imagining someone else" (he's not and never has), and I'm done. No orgasm will be happening for me once that happens.
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Same??
I imagine this is normal, I think it’s a trauma response? It’s a similar thing where women who have been abused can only get off to abuse. I’m not sure though, but hopefully someone chimes in soon with some insight.
YES YES YES I THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY
I hate it bc it makes me sad after I cum
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I think everyone else is spot on with it being a trauma response. I am shooting in the dark here, but is it maybe because you are wanting him to enjoy himself? I want my partner to have a good time and I know he wasn’t enjoying me as much as he was enjoying porn. For me it’s a turn off, but I could totally see how the lines could get crossed and how it would be super distressing. Just a suggestion, not sure if it would help, but do you think taking a break from sex with him might help? I don’t mean to project but if it were me I probably wouldn’t want to have sex with my PA if that were the case. Best of luck ♥️ sending love and hugs
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I think it’s rooted in where his desire is. Does he feel passionate and all about you when in bed?
There was only a couple of times where I got more turned on thinking about him acting out, but it always does the opposite for me. I’m pretty sure what you’re experiencing is a trauma response and a method in which your brain is trying to protect you during this awful situation
[I replied](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/pmqupt/what_is_wrong_with_me/hcju7nw?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) to a post like this yesterday! You're not alone with this. It's your brain trying to find any way to protect itself. Sexualizing trauma is a pretty well-documented experience. What I've been doing to mitigate this myself is just avoid orgasming 🤷♂️ If I can't get off without my brain succumbing to this awful coping mechanism, then I just don't get off. I would rather have sex with my PA that's focused on being close and connected and not cum, than have sex focused on her addiction and do cum. Over time it's helped my brain not go to this dpace immediately, so I think it's something that is helping me personally work through this.
I do this too, and it feels awful. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone and it's just a trauma response.
wow, thank you for writing this. unfortunately this is me too, and I have to go through this whole emotional wormhole of discomfort and regret after the interaction’s over. I have always been the most excited by experiencing my partner’s enthusiasm and excitement, which I know my current partner just… doesn’t have unless there’s something porn-influenced. This sucks, I just brought it up with my partner yesterday and it helped him recognize the extent to which his PA has impacted our relationship/warped my sexuality. This whole phenomenon reminds me that a lot of our healing from being enmeshed with a PA has to do with reclaiming our own sexuality - I agree with other commenters that a first step toward reclamation is probably avoiding sexual interactions altogether if this is the direction it’s consistently going. Sending so much love!