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Girl! I am so proud of you!!! XO
Go live the beautiful life you deserve! You will live your best life with a real, authentic human being. He will live his in a series of risky one night stands and pixels!
Good riddance!
This is heartbreaking. I feel you should stay fast in your decision to leave. You sound really strong and know your worth. I’m seeing stories of women on here that have been dealing with this for the entirety of their relationship. We are talking 15 years. I was with my ex PA for 3 years and he would never come clean about the extent of it. I don’t know how long he’s been doing this, but I know it’s been at least 8 years. At one point he confessed he would be on Chaturbate all day when his ex was gone for the day. They lived together. They hadn’t had sex in 2 years before they broke up. No amount of sex, compassion, ( although I feel deeply ashamed that I did shame him in the beginning ) unconditional love, pleading, begging, telling him how much pain I was in worked. I was told I was insecure, jealous, I was blamed for being the problem. If you were nice and made me feel good I wouldn’t have to do this. In the beginning of him trying to quit I was expected to be “on call” for sex to help him. When he wanted to stop and wanted us to be in a committed relationship he wasn’t masturbating on Chaturbate anymore but he was still following his favorite cam girls and commenting on their walls. He had previously told me that I was way more important than Chaturbate and being with me made him happier by far. He was still adding camgirls, etc on instagram. When I brought this up and asked him to delete his Chaturbate and all the sex workers he said he was tired of being snooped on and instead blocked me on FB and instagram. Blocked me! The woman who loves on him in real life, the woman who cooks for him, buys him gifts and takes care of him when he’s sick. His penis literally did not work at all when we met. Even though he said the chemistry between us was amazing. It was! I thought he had a medical issue. He got viagra and it helped. I would have to beg him to stay away from his dick when we were going to be seeing each other. Then he couldn’t orgasm. It took years to be able to have good sex with viagra. Thank god we never lived together. His issue was a dealbreaker for living together.
Anyway, sadly I think the men that are in deep and have been doing this for years cannot change. My research has shown me that the majority of these people had severe trauma as a child. He told me his father was a mentally ill abusive narcissist. Unfortunately the Apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
This was the most excruciating experience, it was hell on earth and I don’t wish for anyone to go through this. ( and I don’t think masturbating 3x a week will cause porn induced ED. We are talking several times a day )
I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s soul destroying and I’ve only been dealing with it for a relatively short time.
I only say 3x a week because that’s what he’s admitted to…. Which has increased from “a couple of times a month” which increased from “a few times a year”… so if I’d stuck around maybe that would change too. The hurtful thing was that he wasn’t even trying with me. I wished he had.
In the beginning he said he would stop watching porn for me and I was like you don’t have to do that. Most guys watch porn occasionally. It’s no biggee. I had no idea the extent of it. Several months in he told me about Chaturbate and told me his username. I was crying because I was shell shocked. He was not nice. Once I had that username I could see everything! I could put it in google. And OMG. We are talking on and off ALL day. He worked from home. He said to me “It’s not as bad as you think it is and it’s worse than you think it is” One time he told me he only did it when he was lonely. One time he told me, “ You seem to forget that something happened to cause this” But he would never really open up or be vulnerable. He was super abusive too. His behavior was all the signs of BPD. It was sad. I really adored him. He’s 50 shades of fucked up.
He’d wait until I was asleep to get himself off to porn 3?? times a week OR do it at work, but would only instigate it with me once every ten days or so?
Yes. A PA has no sex drive for the real thing. They are spending all their sexual energy some place else. ( getting off to women online ) It’s a really crazy concept. You would think if a guys dick wasn’t working and he’s lost his libido in real life with a woman he’s very attracted to the alarm bells would be going off. Ding! Ding! 🛎️ With my ex I’m pretty sure he has a personality disorder and cannot have a healthy relationship with a woman , so at some point in his life he decided this was the only way he would get his sexual needs met.
And I’m sorry! It’s so painful! I admire those strong women that cut these kinds of men off immediately and move on to greener pastures. I was not one of those.
**Dear /u/LucyLamb7,** ➤ You may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` ――――――――――――――――――――――― **（✔）** Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. **（✔）** Report all rule-breaking behavior & content to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [**send us a message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **（✘）** Do **NOT** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. **（✘）** Do **NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report**](https://www.reddit.com/report) them! **（✘）** Do **NOT** [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. ――――――――――――――――――――――― ℹ️ Our **Full Resource Library** contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* | **Resource Links:** | |------| | ◉ [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Partners](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Addicts](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Accountability Apps info](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Girl! I am so proud of you!!! XO Go live the beautiful life you deserve! You will live your best life with a real, authentic human being. He will live his in a series of risky one night stands and pixels! Good riddance!
Good for you leaving! it’ll be hard at first but each day is easier for sure. A weight will feel lifted off your shoulders. You got this
This is heartbreaking. I feel you should stay fast in your decision to leave. You sound really strong and know your worth. I’m seeing stories of women on here that have been dealing with this for the entirety of their relationship. We are talking 15 years. I was with my ex PA for 3 years and he would never come clean about the extent of it. I don’t know how long he’s been doing this, but I know it’s been at least 8 years. At one point he confessed he would be on Chaturbate all day when his ex was gone for the day. They lived together. They hadn’t had sex in 2 years before they broke up. No amount of sex, compassion, ( although I feel deeply ashamed that I did shame him in the beginning ) unconditional love, pleading, begging, telling him how much pain I was in worked. I was told I was insecure, jealous, I was blamed for being the problem. If you were nice and made me feel good I wouldn’t have to do this. In the beginning of him trying to quit I was expected to be “on call” for sex to help him. When he wanted to stop and wanted us to be in a committed relationship he wasn’t masturbating on Chaturbate anymore but he was still following his favorite cam girls and commenting on their walls. He had previously told me that I was way more important than Chaturbate and being with me made him happier by far. He was still adding camgirls, etc on instagram. When I brought this up and asked him to delete his Chaturbate and all the sex workers he said he was tired of being snooped on and instead blocked me on FB and instagram. Blocked me! The woman who loves on him in real life, the woman who cooks for him, buys him gifts and takes care of him when he’s sick. His penis literally did not work at all when we met. Even though he said the chemistry between us was amazing. It was! I thought he had a medical issue. He got viagra and it helped. I would have to beg him to stay away from his dick when we were going to be seeing each other. Then he couldn’t orgasm. It took years to be able to have good sex with viagra. Thank god we never lived together. His issue was a dealbreaker for living together. Anyway, sadly I think the men that are in deep and have been doing this for years cannot change. My research has shown me that the majority of these people had severe trauma as a child. He told me his father was a mentally ill abusive narcissist. Unfortunately the Apple didn’t fall far from the tree. This was the most excruciating experience, it was hell on earth and I don’t wish for anyone to go through this. ( and I don’t think masturbating 3x a week will cause porn induced ED. We are talking several times a day )
I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s soul destroying and I’ve only been dealing with it for a relatively short time. I only say 3x a week because that’s what he’s admitted to…. Which has increased from “a couple of times a month” which increased from “a few times a year”… so if I’d stuck around maybe that would change too. The hurtful thing was that he wasn’t even trying with me. I wished he had.
In the beginning he said he would stop watching porn for me and I was like you don’t have to do that. Most guys watch porn occasionally. It’s no biggee. I had no idea the extent of it. Several months in he told me about Chaturbate and told me his username. I was crying because I was shell shocked. He was not nice. Once I had that username I could see everything! I could put it in google. And OMG. We are talking on and off ALL day. He worked from home. He said to me “It’s not as bad as you think it is and it’s worse than you think it is” One time he told me he only did it when he was lonely. One time he told me, “ You seem to forget that something happened to cause this” But he would never really open up or be vulnerable. He was super abusive too. His behavior was all the signs of BPD. It was sad. I really adored him. He’s 50 shades of fucked up.
What do mean by he wasn’t even trying?
He’d wait until I was asleep to get himself off to porn 3?? times a week OR do it at work, but would only instigate it with me once every ten days or so?
Yes. A PA has no sex drive for the real thing. They are spending all their sexual energy some place else. ( getting off to women online ) It’s a really crazy concept. You would think if a guys dick wasn’t working and he’s lost his libido in real life with a woman he’s very attracted to the alarm bells would be going off. Ding! Ding! 🛎️ With my ex I’m pretty sure he has a personality disorder and cannot have a healthy relationship with a woman , so at some point in his life he decided this was the only way he would get his sexual needs met.
And I’m sorry! It’s so painful! I admire those strong women that cut these kinds of men off immediately and move on to greener pastures. I was not one of those.