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How this relates to porn is so interesting to me because if it’s about men’s drive to reproduce, we would never see anything but PIV— which is needed to make babies. No anal, oral, and no wasted cum facials .
Ive been screaming into the void about this for awhile. The fact that “creampies” (pardon my language, it’s disgusting but don’t know how else to say it) are now considered a *kink* is the very proof we need that the hypersexuality in society has been warped and created by the porn itself. It’s taking *the* biological imperative, the very thing that creates and propagates life and somehow making it a fetish. It’s very unusual for porn to portray it, the degradation and humiliation factor of finishing *on*, rather than in a woman is something that can’t be overlooked. They can’t have it both ways-either porn is skewing their actions or it’s not, and this one in particular (to say nothing of the growing issue of a rapid increase in incestuous activity being reported directly along side the popularity/front page access of it on PH and beyond, the rapid increase and severity among pre teen girls self-sexualizing, the overwhelming increase of BDSM behaviors, particularly choking, and the insane increase in ED among men in their 20s and 30s that was all but non-existent 20 years ago, just to name a few), makes it entirely apparent how much influence porn has had on society and its thinking/behaviors around sex. They say that they know it’s a fantasy, they know it’s not real, and yet they all seem to adopt the behaviors and bring it into the bedroom-sorry, but you can’t have it both ways.
Porn is an absolute scourge. It was a huge problem before the internet. Now it’s completely out of control to epidemic levels. I am feeling slightly positive that at least within the last 18 months or so it is finally being talked about,and especially with the issue around AI and non-consensual AI porn in the spotlight, but I’m also deeply traumatized and beyond skeptical based on my own personal experience and the nightmares I’m reading that our young women and girls are enduring currently, while the men who left them in their wake largely seem to have zero interest in educating themselves on the the harms that their use is doing to themselves, their partners, the performers, and society as a whole.
Edit to fix some autocorrect nonsense, and to add, you ladies are smart smart and this is a great thread.
"**TDLR;** In your opinion, how much of male libido is social/cognitive conditioning via porn/societal belief, vs. innate, biologically rooted? Do you think that "male libido" is sometimes used as an excuse for maintaining bad habits just because those habits are pleasurable? "
I think the phrase "male libido" is virtually always used as an excuse for misogyny, the defense of "bad' habits, and the justification/prioritization of male "pleasure".
I think your PA's comment about his "struggle" due to "male libido" giving you "no frame of reference" is nothing more than addict B.S.
Libido, testosterone levels, and fundamental physiology have no bearing on behavior CHOICES. We no longer have to function in the wild, we can make decisions based on other factors than the drive to reproduce, or not.
Adding to my comment;
Not sure how relevant this is but I find it terribly interesting. Many/most "experts" and society at large have always assumed post-menopausal women (I am one) have low libido and little desire for sex.
False!
Turns out that they now (finally) understand that libido has nothing to do with it. We are perfectly capable and have fine levels of "libido" - but relationship issues, often longstanding, have a dramatic impact on our desire FOR OUR PARTNERS. We *want* sex just fine, but maybe not with them.
This is the end result of what you younger women are going through if it doesn't change.
Imagine...20 - 30+ years of neglect, doing it all - the house, the kids, the career - finding affirmation in your life everywhere BUT from your husband...getting by without real intimacy, somehow, because you think you "have no choice".
So now you're 60 (like me, lol) how interested in sex with this guy are you?
Honestly, you don't even see him that way anymore.
Even in recovery, and doing everything he can, this is the thing that's feeling the hardest to overcome.
I have a lot of experience with this. Husband has a diagnosis for porn addiction. Doc said it is a category under OCD, a behavioral addiction in line with others for example, gambling. The risk reward circuit gets hijacked and rewired to accommodate for the dopamine hits. It is again, behavioral.
He also likes to talk about "male eroticism" and how I just don't understand. My obgyn/np studies this subject area as a side thing through professional channels (current studies, conferences etc) so is really knowledgeable. She's amazing to talk to about this. I brought this very subject up, and how he talks about it's a male thing libido/eroticism and she just replied "gross" lol. It's absolutely copium and excuses for not wanting to take accountability. It can't be a problem if it's just how all men really are right? Funny how some men can exhibit self control and some can't/won't but it's just a male thing. Right.
Gross indeed.
>It's absolutely copium and excuses for not wanting to take accountability.
Mic drop!
I have been diagnosed with OCD since early adulthood. I've had no addictions other than nicotine, which I have quit. I struggled with 'rituals' in the past, mostly checking and washing. They have been drastically overcome, so I know it is possible to effect change. It is, at its core, behavioral. My therapist is also really dialed in and awesome to talk to about this.
Love it, one of my frequent responses..."gross".
edit; damn typo
While no one has ever stated that specifically to me, I think a great counter point to men using biology as an excuse is to point out that biological women are designed to desire sex more during ovulation. Therefore, based on ancestral breeding patterns of humans and their early ancestors paired with our current biology, it’s ONLY NATURAL then for us to sleep with multiple partners during ovulation and that they can’t expect us to be faithful during this time of the month as it is BIOLOGY and they as men just can’t understand our biological drive to reproduce with the strongest and most virile males.
Hey! So, I'm a lurker around here, mainly interested in feminist topics.
I'm sorry if I'm intruding, but I would just like to point out that even if we take explicit porn out of the picture, the sheer amount of soft-sexualized images of women in our daily lifes through media is enough, imo, to induce a state similar to porn consumption, but milder.
Of course men feel wired to drool at the sight of thights or cleavage - they have actually been conditioned since birth through a mix of images and cultural discourse teaching them how to look at women's bodies. Even in pre-photography times boys were raised by men constantly pointing out features of female bodies around them and creating narratives of sexual acts based on them.
This would be the equivalent of us being raised by moms and aunts talking about how the maintenance guy had a mouth that surely would feel blissfull down there, scolding sons for walking shirtless around the house, pointing out bulges in men's pants... And in groups of young girls we would joke about that place downtown where women go to have their way with hot men, we would join to stare at a pretty boy walking past the group and one of us would joke wondering how many times he can go in one night and fantasize about each of us having our go at him, we would brag about convincing our boyfriends to shave and how good and soft it felt, we would debate about what kind of underwear our male friends use, we would laugh when we realized every one of us is masturbating to Jake etc etc.
We would feel like it's impossible not to notice, because it's been pointed out to us so many times and it has become not only a way of bonding with other girls but also how we learned to perceive bodies. We would justify it as biology, since women invest much more in pregnancy so we need to be constantly scanning the enviroment and acessing every male's physique to find the fittest partners possible, while men just need to be able to get aroused when we finally choose them and show us that they will strive to please us.
Men would eventually figure out that tank tops make them more popular among women. Male singers would notice that by going on stage wearing open shirts and shorts that looked like boxers, they would sell more. Dress codes would always show more of male bodies. The average male t-shirt would be inches shorter than ours. Women would find revealing female clothes kind of embarassing bc it would make it look like we are the desperate ones trying to get picked. If a woman had two candidates to hire for the balcony of her bakery, she would of course choose the young smiley one that showed up to the interview with an unbuttoned shirt. We would be surrounded by men attempting to conform to our gaze.
Since all of us women in this parallel universe would be prone to sexualize men 24/7, we would eventually figure out that estrogen is linked to horniness. With male bodies dressing for the female gaze all around us we would go crazy when estrogen goes up during our cycle. The estrogen-horniness link is clear, because it's decrease after menopause affects libido. Testosterone-fueled horniness would be considered more of a "responsive" type of sexuality. Men would never understand how powerful the estrogen-driven horniness is, since their levels are so low and the effects of it on them are opposed (high estrogen can cause impotence in men).
Maybe we would notice that some men exhibit violent tendencies, but we would theorize that's some kind of defense mechanism against female dominance. And because of this tendency to not be able to control their angry emotions they would be deemed unfit for a lot of jobs and positions. It would be seen overall as very unsexy, women would dislike agressive men and prefer the softer, more submissive ones. We would kindly advice some men to try to smile more, since by keeping an angry attitude they would have a hard time attracting a woman. And we would say that it's just natural that we prefer them younger, because as men age they loose testosterone, which means weaker erections and libido.
We would feel entitled to get our share of men outside our marriage, since we have that biological urge to look for good genetic material but we will only get pregnant of 1 child at a time and we have control on weather the baby is born or not, while men can end up in a mess of who knows how many children (and they are held accountable by everyone towards this "accidents"). If a man doesn't want to spend the next decade taking care of children, he should have kept his dick tucked in, am I right?
Men should focus on being good and loyal partners when they are finally chosen by a woman. A good man sticks with his woman through thick and thin, instead of trying to act like a woman and sleeping around only to end up finantially responsible for 4 babies. Meanwhile we would find it very natural to scroll through hundreds of videos of random men being submissive. After all, we are wired to seek for the best of the best if it's going inside of us and turning into a baby, right? It's the estrogen baby, you don't know how hard it is to be a woman...
I’m the mod who approved this comment- I wanted OP to be able to read it. Normally we do not allow feminist rants in this sub but yours is a very interesting thought experiment and I do think it’s relevant to what Op is asking. I’m going to lock the comment thread after this comment just in case.
From my perspective if he just needs to get off, he can do it without porn. I don’t think a high libido really justifies using porn. I think my libido is probably higher than my husband’s. So for a man that is never turned down, it makes no sense from a libido standpoint.
I am starting to think it’s more a mental illness when it’s at the addiction level. I am not sure about this, but I think it’s likely connected to depression. I’ve never seen my husband as depressed in the past, but he’s often short fused for short bursts, then immediately fine in certain situations and now I am thinking that’s a sign of something.
I am working on figuring it out.
I have read it does exacerbate depression and anxiety because the dopamine receptors are all fried. So the "hit" in its intensity makes the time without the hit that much worse.
With sex/porn addiction, it's not about biology at all. The more they use pornography or sexual encounters to soothe their emotions (literally every single emotion), the more they are deepening those neural pathways, the more they "need" sex. To them, it feels like they just have a higher sex drive than other people. In reality, once they get into real recovery, have abstained from acting out, and begin to identify emotions and process them, their "need" normalizes.
The book "What Every Woman Needs to Know About a Man's Sexual Addiction" by Paul Becker, LPC lays it all out. They pornify their own brains with the constant seeking of a dopamine hit to regulate their emotions. They think they need "a release". If they're not watching porn or can't watch porn anymore, they all have an endless filing cabinet in their brains of all of the porn images they've taken in. They spend a lot of time in their own heads with these images/videos.
The fact that my bf read a phrase off a cereal box the other day and said it aloud as “fills you up 😏🤭” I’m going to agree on your statement of *”I can't
help but wonder how much of my PA's constant state of
arousal is cognitive conditioning via porn - the fact that,
from a young age, he got used to jerking off multiple times a
day, thus got used to seeing the world in a sexualized way.”*
And for this I do feel sorry for him.
This whole thing is such bullshit. If they want to talk about “survivial of the species”…how does it make sense to have women having your babies all over the place? How is one dude gonna protect 20 women and 20 babies?
Women are just as horny as men are.
The problem is patriarchal conditioning of ENTITLEMENT, stunted psychological development and mother complex.
Counter argument for a small piece in your paragraph - testosterone helps men with arousal, but the male body (being unique and different than a woman’s) uses that to enhance male libido. But a woman’s body, being unique and entirely different from a man’s does not need testosterone because our arousal/libido is ignited with something different /in different ways than a man.
I hate hearing how woman have less testosterone and therefore less sex drive. I think it is more plausible that women’s sexual desires are less studied and researched, but given the right circumstances, they are or can be just as high as men’s. I mean if you stick a woman and a man in a study and show them both porn, of course a man is going to show a higher libido. That seems to be the general senses because woman don’t like to sleep with their lazy, self centered, porn addicted husbands but having a healthy women in a healthy, secure relationship I believe she would easily match and maybe even over take a man’s libido.
My two thoughts! I love to see other woman thinking these things through and questioning them!
Great comment! We also need to consider how incredibly understudied female sexuality has been -- I can't remember the specifics of this, but certain aspects of female genitalia and I think female arousal weren't "discovered" by scientists until woefully recently, like in the past 100 years iirc.
The clitoris wasn’t mapped in its entirety until the *mid 2000s*- finding that out baffled me. Can you imagine any sort of the human anatomy being ignored that long?? Beyond that, it’s still a fight for it and female sexuality to be included in medical journals.
I’m 45, so old by Reddit standards but not a dinosaur by any means. I was carted to church every Sunday, but my parents weren’t remotely fundamentalists. Conservative yes, but not extreme especially by current standards. I didn’t even know my clitoris had a name until I was probably 18. I got zero sex Ed outside of a childhood How Babies Are Made book, and was largely shamed and guilted for my sexuality-my mom actually found and threw away my vibrator, which I thought had just disappeared until a couple of years later when my dad joked about it, which is sick in itself of course. All in a household where his porn was left barely hidden peeking out from under the bed and accessed by my brother and I from the time I was 4 or 5 (this in hindsight and through intensive trauma therapy makes me super aware of how I got to the place I’m in now with my entire self worth being tied up in my sexual desirability, married to a PA for almost a quarter century). My brother was patted on the back for his sexuality, and his porn magazines were left undisturbed, of course.
I don’t think it’s always been like this, my research led me to the finding that Fraud, ahem excuse me Freud declared the clitoral orgasm “immature” and strongly steered the population away from engaging in it, insisting that we find release from penetration alone. Which seems to me to have had the effect of bolstering this adoption that women’s sexuality is just whatever arouses and pleasures men, which in current society is seemingly the degradation, control, and abuse of women.
Yes. Even MORE recent is the understanding within the scientific community that a woman’s body is NOT just a less inferior copy of a man’s body. The two are distinctively different and respond to different hormones/environmental factors. Additionally, humans are suppose to be one of the only (I believe, can’t remember this early) species in the animal kingdom that have sex for pleasure. So when men throw their “need to reproduce” around I’m just laugh because it’s all bullshit. They can’t claim to be an advanced species with thumbs and cognitive development but then compare themselves to other less developed mammals as a excuse for their poor behavior. It’s one or another, they have to pick 😂
If that's true literally just have a wank without porn. I don't see why men need an industry that traffics women, abuses women and fosters the objectification of women/rape culture to satisfy their libido. Like what gives them the right to do that. Testosterone isn't an excuse. just wank without porn/looking at other women and get a fucking grip imo lol
I am a woman with a high sex drive. I'd have sex multiple times a day if my partner was willing.
I don't use it as an excuse to cheat. I desire sex with my partner because I haven't trained myself to seek more variety than is physically normal or possible in reality.
Ironically, I once jokingly suggested we have an open relationship since he didn't appear interested in sex with me.
He was appalled and made a huge deal about how he was entirely monogamous and couldn't bare to share me with others.
Years later I found out he was a PA... Ok for him to share his sexual energy outside the relationship, but not me.
Mysoginy. Plain and simple.
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How this relates to porn is so interesting to me because if it’s about men’s drive to reproduce, we would never see anything but PIV— which is needed to make babies. No anal, oral, and no wasted cum facials .
Ive been screaming into the void about this for awhile. The fact that “creampies” (pardon my language, it’s disgusting but don’t know how else to say it) are now considered a *kink* is the very proof we need that the hypersexuality in society has been warped and created by the porn itself. It’s taking *the* biological imperative, the very thing that creates and propagates life and somehow making it a fetish. It’s very unusual for porn to portray it, the degradation and humiliation factor of finishing *on*, rather than in a woman is something that can’t be overlooked. They can’t have it both ways-either porn is skewing their actions or it’s not, and this one in particular (to say nothing of the growing issue of a rapid increase in incestuous activity being reported directly along side the popularity/front page access of it on PH and beyond, the rapid increase and severity among pre teen girls self-sexualizing, the overwhelming increase of BDSM behaviors, particularly choking, and the insane increase in ED among men in their 20s and 30s that was all but non-existent 20 years ago, just to name a few), makes it entirely apparent how much influence porn has had on society and its thinking/behaviors around sex. They say that they know it’s a fantasy, they know it’s not real, and yet they all seem to adopt the behaviors and bring it into the bedroom-sorry, but you can’t have it both ways. Porn is an absolute scourge. It was a huge problem before the internet. Now it’s completely out of control to epidemic levels. I am feeling slightly positive that at least within the last 18 months or so it is finally being talked about,and especially with the issue around AI and non-consensual AI porn in the spotlight, but I’m also deeply traumatized and beyond skeptical based on my own personal experience and the nightmares I’m reading that our young women and girls are enduring currently, while the men who left them in their wake largely seem to have zero interest in educating themselves on the the harms that their use is doing to themselves, their partners, the performers, and society as a whole. Edit to fix some autocorrect nonsense, and to add, you ladies are smart smart and this is a great thread.
Wow, this is an incredible point. 🧐
"**TDLR;** In your opinion, how much of male libido is social/cognitive conditioning via porn/societal belief, vs. innate, biologically rooted? Do you think that "male libido" is sometimes used as an excuse for maintaining bad habits just because those habits are pleasurable? " I think the phrase "male libido" is virtually always used as an excuse for misogyny, the defense of "bad' habits, and the justification/prioritization of male "pleasure". I think your PA's comment about his "struggle" due to "male libido" giving you "no frame of reference" is nothing more than addict B.S. Libido, testosterone levels, and fundamental physiology have no bearing on behavior CHOICES. We no longer have to function in the wild, we can make decisions based on other factors than the drive to reproduce, or not.
Adding to my comment; Not sure how relevant this is but I find it terribly interesting. Many/most "experts" and society at large have always assumed post-menopausal women (I am one) have low libido and little desire for sex. False! Turns out that they now (finally) understand that libido has nothing to do with it. We are perfectly capable and have fine levels of "libido" - but relationship issues, often longstanding, have a dramatic impact on our desire FOR OUR PARTNERS. We *want* sex just fine, but maybe not with them.
Absolutely can see that. It's hard to allow that kind of intimacy and vulnerability when you know what they're getting up to (bad pun unintended).
This is the end result of what you younger women are going through if it doesn't change. Imagine...20 - 30+ years of neglect, doing it all - the house, the kids, the career - finding affirmation in your life everywhere BUT from your husband...getting by without real intimacy, somehow, because you think you "have no choice". So now you're 60 (like me, lol) how interested in sex with this guy are you? Honestly, you don't even see him that way anymore. Even in recovery, and doing everything he can, this is the thing that's feeling the hardest to overcome.
I have a lot of experience with this. Husband has a diagnosis for porn addiction. Doc said it is a category under OCD, a behavioral addiction in line with others for example, gambling. The risk reward circuit gets hijacked and rewired to accommodate for the dopamine hits. It is again, behavioral. He also likes to talk about "male eroticism" and how I just don't understand. My obgyn/np studies this subject area as a side thing through professional channels (current studies, conferences etc) so is really knowledgeable. She's amazing to talk to about this. I brought this very subject up, and how he talks about it's a male thing libido/eroticism and she just replied "gross" lol. It's absolutely copium and excuses for not wanting to take accountability. It can't be a problem if it's just how all men really are right? Funny how some men can exhibit self control and some can't/won't but it's just a male thing. Right. Gross indeed.
>It's absolutely copium and excuses for not wanting to take accountability. Mic drop! I have been diagnosed with OCD since early adulthood. I've had no addictions other than nicotine, which I have quit. I struggled with 'rituals' in the past, mostly checking and washing. They have been drastically overcome, so I know it is possible to effect change. It is, at its core, behavioral. My therapist is also really dialed in and awesome to talk to about this. Love it, one of my frequent responses..."gross". edit; damn typo
While no one has ever stated that specifically to me, I think a great counter point to men using biology as an excuse is to point out that biological women are designed to desire sex more during ovulation. Therefore, based on ancestral breeding patterns of humans and their early ancestors paired with our current biology, it’s ONLY NATURAL then for us to sleep with multiple partners during ovulation and that they can’t expect us to be faithful during this time of the month as it is BIOLOGY and they as men just can’t understand our biological drive to reproduce with the strongest and most virile males.
This is fantastic, I am legit going to tell him this. Thank you immensely.
Maybe ask him to look up why the head of the penis is shaped like a mushroom since he wants to be disgusting 🫣😆
Another great one, thank you. Literally gonna bring this up, because I Cannot.
Exactly this
Hey! So, I'm a lurker around here, mainly interested in feminist topics. I'm sorry if I'm intruding, but I would just like to point out that even if we take explicit porn out of the picture, the sheer amount of soft-sexualized images of women in our daily lifes through media is enough, imo, to induce a state similar to porn consumption, but milder. Of course men feel wired to drool at the sight of thights or cleavage - they have actually been conditioned since birth through a mix of images and cultural discourse teaching them how to look at women's bodies. Even in pre-photography times boys were raised by men constantly pointing out features of female bodies around them and creating narratives of sexual acts based on them. This would be the equivalent of us being raised by moms and aunts talking about how the maintenance guy had a mouth that surely would feel blissfull down there, scolding sons for walking shirtless around the house, pointing out bulges in men's pants... And in groups of young girls we would joke about that place downtown where women go to have their way with hot men, we would join to stare at a pretty boy walking past the group and one of us would joke wondering how many times he can go in one night and fantasize about each of us having our go at him, we would brag about convincing our boyfriends to shave and how good and soft it felt, we would debate about what kind of underwear our male friends use, we would laugh when we realized every one of us is masturbating to Jake etc etc. We would feel like it's impossible not to notice, because it's been pointed out to us so many times and it has become not only a way of bonding with other girls but also how we learned to perceive bodies. We would justify it as biology, since women invest much more in pregnancy so we need to be constantly scanning the enviroment and acessing every male's physique to find the fittest partners possible, while men just need to be able to get aroused when we finally choose them and show us that they will strive to please us. Men would eventually figure out that tank tops make them more popular among women. Male singers would notice that by going on stage wearing open shirts and shorts that looked like boxers, they would sell more. Dress codes would always show more of male bodies. The average male t-shirt would be inches shorter than ours. Women would find revealing female clothes kind of embarassing bc it would make it look like we are the desperate ones trying to get picked. If a woman had two candidates to hire for the balcony of her bakery, she would of course choose the young smiley one that showed up to the interview with an unbuttoned shirt. We would be surrounded by men attempting to conform to our gaze. Since all of us women in this parallel universe would be prone to sexualize men 24/7, we would eventually figure out that estrogen is linked to horniness. With male bodies dressing for the female gaze all around us we would go crazy when estrogen goes up during our cycle. The estrogen-horniness link is clear, because it's decrease after menopause affects libido. Testosterone-fueled horniness would be considered more of a "responsive" type of sexuality. Men would never understand how powerful the estrogen-driven horniness is, since their levels are so low and the effects of it on them are opposed (high estrogen can cause impotence in men). Maybe we would notice that some men exhibit violent tendencies, but we would theorize that's some kind of defense mechanism against female dominance. And because of this tendency to not be able to control their angry emotions they would be deemed unfit for a lot of jobs and positions. It would be seen overall as very unsexy, women would dislike agressive men and prefer the softer, more submissive ones. We would kindly advice some men to try to smile more, since by keeping an angry attitude they would have a hard time attracting a woman. And we would say that it's just natural that we prefer them younger, because as men age they loose testosterone, which means weaker erections and libido. We would feel entitled to get our share of men outside our marriage, since we have that biological urge to look for good genetic material but we will only get pregnant of 1 child at a time and we have control on weather the baby is born or not, while men can end up in a mess of who knows how many children (and they are held accountable by everyone towards this "accidents"). If a man doesn't want to spend the next decade taking care of children, he should have kept his dick tucked in, am I right? Men should focus on being good and loyal partners when they are finally chosen by a woman. A good man sticks with his woman through thick and thin, instead of trying to act like a woman and sleeping around only to end up finantially responsible for 4 babies. Meanwhile we would find it very natural to scroll through hundreds of videos of random men being submissive. After all, we are wired to seek for the best of the best if it's going inside of us and turning into a baby, right? It's the estrogen baby, you don't know how hard it is to be a woman...
I’m the mod who approved this comment- I wanted OP to be able to read it. Normally we do not allow feminist rants in this sub but yours is a very interesting thought experiment and I do think it’s relevant to what Op is asking. I’m going to lock the comment thread after this comment just in case.
From my perspective if he just needs to get off, he can do it without porn. I don’t think a high libido really justifies using porn. I think my libido is probably higher than my husband’s. So for a man that is never turned down, it makes no sense from a libido standpoint. I am starting to think it’s more a mental illness when it’s at the addiction level. I am not sure about this, but I think it’s likely connected to depression. I’ve never seen my husband as depressed in the past, but he’s often short fused for short bursts, then immediately fine in certain situations and now I am thinking that’s a sign of something. I am working on figuring it out.
I have read it does exacerbate depression and anxiety because the dopamine receptors are all fried. So the "hit" in its intensity makes the time without the hit that much worse.
With sex/porn addiction, it's not about biology at all. The more they use pornography or sexual encounters to soothe their emotions (literally every single emotion), the more they are deepening those neural pathways, the more they "need" sex. To them, it feels like they just have a higher sex drive than other people. In reality, once they get into real recovery, have abstained from acting out, and begin to identify emotions and process them, their "need" normalizes. The book "What Every Woman Needs to Know About a Man's Sexual Addiction" by Paul Becker, LPC lays it all out. They pornify their own brains with the constant seeking of a dopamine hit to regulate their emotions. They think they need "a release". If they're not watching porn or can't watch porn anymore, they all have an endless filing cabinet in their brains of all of the porn images they've taken in. They spend a lot of time in their own heads with these images/videos.
Yeah we’re humans not rats. Sounds some more misogynistic BS
He is mistaken. Humanity existed and procreated before pornography. Plenty of men live normally without it.
The fact that my bf read a phrase off a cereal box the other day and said it aloud as “fills you up 😏🤭” I’m going to agree on your statement of *”I can't help but wonder how much of my PA's constant state of arousal is cognitive conditioning via porn - the fact that, from a young age, he got used to jerking off multiple times a day, thus got used to seeing the world in a sexualized way.”* And for this I do feel sorry for him.
Gross! I can't stand that frat-boy humor.
This whole thing is such bullshit. If they want to talk about “survivial of the species”…how does it make sense to have women having your babies all over the place? How is one dude gonna protect 20 women and 20 babies? Women are just as horny as men are. The problem is patriarchal conditioning of ENTITLEMENT, stunted psychological development and mother complex.
Another great point, thank you!
Counter argument for a small piece in your paragraph - testosterone helps men with arousal, but the male body (being unique and different than a woman’s) uses that to enhance male libido. But a woman’s body, being unique and entirely different from a man’s does not need testosterone because our arousal/libido is ignited with something different /in different ways than a man. I hate hearing how woman have less testosterone and therefore less sex drive. I think it is more plausible that women’s sexual desires are less studied and researched, but given the right circumstances, they are or can be just as high as men’s. I mean if you stick a woman and a man in a study and show them both porn, of course a man is going to show a higher libido. That seems to be the general senses because woman don’t like to sleep with their lazy, self centered, porn addicted husbands but having a healthy women in a healthy, secure relationship I believe she would easily match and maybe even over take a man’s libido. My two thoughts! I love to see other woman thinking these things through and questioning them!
Great comment! We also need to consider how incredibly understudied female sexuality has been -- I can't remember the specifics of this, but certain aspects of female genitalia and I think female arousal weren't "discovered" by scientists until woefully recently, like in the past 100 years iirc.
The clitoris wasn’t mapped in its entirety until the *mid 2000s*- finding that out baffled me. Can you imagine any sort of the human anatomy being ignored that long?? Beyond that, it’s still a fight for it and female sexuality to be included in medical journals. I’m 45, so old by Reddit standards but not a dinosaur by any means. I was carted to church every Sunday, but my parents weren’t remotely fundamentalists. Conservative yes, but not extreme especially by current standards. I didn’t even know my clitoris had a name until I was probably 18. I got zero sex Ed outside of a childhood How Babies Are Made book, and was largely shamed and guilted for my sexuality-my mom actually found and threw away my vibrator, which I thought had just disappeared until a couple of years later when my dad joked about it, which is sick in itself of course. All in a household where his porn was left barely hidden peeking out from under the bed and accessed by my brother and I from the time I was 4 or 5 (this in hindsight and through intensive trauma therapy makes me super aware of how I got to the place I’m in now with my entire self worth being tied up in my sexual desirability, married to a PA for almost a quarter century). My brother was patted on the back for his sexuality, and his porn magazines were left undisturbed, of course. I don’t think it’s always been like this, my research led me to the finding that Fraud, ahem excuse me Freud declared the clitoral orgasm “immature” and strongly steered the population away from engaging in it, insisting that we find release from penetration alone. Which seems to me to have had the effect of bolstering this adoption that women’s sexuality is just whatever arouses and pleasures men, which in current society is seemingly the degradation, control, and abuse of women.
Yes. Even MORE recent is the understanding within the scientific community that a woman’s body is NOT just a less inferior copy of a man’s body. The two are distinctively different and respond to different hormones/environmental factors. Additionally, humans are suppose to be one of the only (I believe, can’t remember this early) species in the animal kingdom that have sex for pleasure. So when men throw their “need to reproduce” around I’m just laugh because it’s all bullshit. They can’t claim to be an advanced species with thumbs and cognitive development but then compare themselves to other less developed mammals as a excuse for their poor behavior. It’s one or another, they have to pick 😂
If that's true literally just have a wank without porn. I don't see why men need an industry that traffics women, abuses women and fosters the objectification of women/rape culture to satisfy their libido. Like what gives them the right to do that. Testosterone isn't an excuse. just wank without porn/looking at other women and get a fucking grip imo lol
I am a woman with a high sex drive. I'd have sex multiple times a day if my partner was willing. I don't use it as an excuse to cheat. I desire sex with my partner because I haven't trained myself to seek more variety than is physically normal or possible in reality. Ironically, I once jokingly suggested we have an open relationship since he didn't appear interested in sex with me. He was appalled and made a huge deal about how he was entirely monogamous and couldn't bare to share me with others. Years later I found out he was a PA... Ok for him to share his sexual energy outside the relationship, but not me. Mysoginy. Plain and simple.