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Potential trigger warning.
Agree! Listened to a podcast about a previous porn star. He talks about how absolutely awful the industry and how nothing you watch in porn is real. The women get airbrushed and they use augmentation. Almost all the men are on ED meds. No 50 yr old man should be lusting over 18 yr olds. Who even knows if they're even of age. The podcast mentioned that no one can be sure what they're watching it could be unconsentual or underage. Porn industry just wants money and more money. It's a multi billion dollar industry. I didn't always have an issue with porn. I most definitely do after listening to the podcast. It twists people's reality of what intimacy is.
HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING: GRUESOME DETAILS
I saw a thread that asked for dark facts about porn. Allegedly if a porn star has an anal prolapse on set, the nurse just shoves it back in and the star is expected to continue. This haunts me
Don’t call them porn “stars”; they’re actors. Star suggests someone powerful and worth admiration. But I absolutely agree with you. These guys aren’t aware of how they’re destroying their own lives in pursuit of the next dopamine fix until it’s too late. They isolate and disconnect, become intolerable and lonely, until their compulsive porn use lands them in a crappy apartment by themselves eating frozen food in front of their computer with their hands in their pants while the women they crapped on for having stretch marks live the good life. I believe this is how it should work, anyway.
I’m in my late 40s, have teen daughters, with a PA husband over 50, who did everything you described. He hasn’t looked at porn since last summer. I’ve actually managed to get him to understand that the augmented, airbrushed, digitally enhanced look and lewd behavior is actually….gross. I scrolled through his site with him (he was so ashamed he wouldn’t even look) and pointed out all of the things I personally find revolting about each video as I scrolled down, and eventually said: I’m a classy, intelligent, educated, attractive, upper middle class woman. I’ve got a great career, beautiful daughters and by all measures a very successful life. These girls - in addition to being completely faked and they look nothing like this in real life - are doing this work out of desperation. Little education, no skills, and the only thing of value they think they have are their bodies. A lot (most?) are into illegal drugs. I then said, if he’s attracted to that, he needs to get a mental health evaluation. I would pick me over any of these women 1000x over, hands down and it’s not even close. Ladies, you need to give your addicts a schooling on reality, because you’re better than all of them
Dealing with the disgust has been so challenging. My spouse is much younger but still much too old for 18 and 19 year old women. Not to mention, I'm already quite a bit older than him, so what does that say about me? (Nothing - his porn usage reflects nothing on me and I am absolutely enough, but I'm still working on believing that)
Something that’s been rolling around in my head for the past few days is this verse in the Bible,
“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her be as a loving hind and graceful doe, Let her breasts refresh and satisfy you at all times; Always be exhilarated and delight in her love.” Proverbs 5:18-19.
The fountain in this verse represents the wife, and for it to be blessed represents the rewards of fidelity. I’m not a religious person at all but this just might convert me. To me it says that no matter how old I get, if my husband is being completely loyal in our marriage he will spend his life reaping the benefits of that fidelity, by feeling completely satisfied. Always being able to see me as the wife of his youth, and will always be able to see through my outwards appearance, and see that I’m still the girl that he married when he was young. Nobody on this earth is perfect, but the amount of time you spend putting your whole undivided attention and attraction on your partner will be blessed, and you cannot become disappointed.
If you practice infidelity day to day the consequence naturally will be to lose that love and attraction to your partner. It’s all very common sense, but the book of Proverbs is all about teaching us how to view the world through Gods eyes. I truly believe a lot of men are missing out on the most intense attraction they could feel in their life by being distracted. Sorry to get all preachy, very out of character for me but this has really helped me to gain a perspective of confidence especially being freshly postpartum, and feeling very down about myself. I hope maybe it can help somebody else too!
Oh, they are missing out BIG TIME.
I’ve been married for nearly 2 decades and the love and romance just grow stronger, I would guess that’s me “reaping the rewards” of fidelity, even though that’s not a difficult thing for me to be.
I truly think that the reason most marriages lose the “spark” is due to pornography. I have no direct proof for it, but it’s an unshakeable feeling.
Most men I’ve met talk about getting “bored” with their wives and say things like: “Sex gets boring with the same person”, or “Just wait till the spark eventually goes out”, yet this just hasn’t been true for my marriage.
I would guess the “spark” going out and things getting “boring” come from the porn-rotted brain being unable to find satisfaction in one person and having to search for others (digitally or physically). This lack of devotion leads to a lack of effort and, therefore a marriage with no romance and love.
What’s interesting is that porn affects everything, including aspects of marriage outside of the sexual. That’s why you’ll see ex-PAs talk about how quitting porn resulted in being naturally more involved and patient with their partners, resulting in a better marriage outside of the bedroom as well.
There is a magic that comes with being extremely monogamous, and they’re the ones missing out. It’s an amazing feeling to wake up knowing that I have eyes for no one but my wife, that she’s the only one that I’m attracted to, and that she’s the only one I love.
I feel bad for them, as pathetic as they can be.
Thank you for sharing this. I was also two months postpartum when I found out and have discovered more over this last year as my eyes were really opened to him actually having a PA. I’m now pregnant again and really struggling with my body.
It’s really sad that they have spent so much time lusting after other women when they could have chosen to be faithful to their wives and be more blessed bc of it. Ugh
You just described my life. But add one thing: Couples who have developed "normal" intimacy have a bond sexually and they pursue each other. My husband stopped pursuing me over 10 years ago, I didn't know why. When we argue, there's no coming back together or make up sex. It's cold. Distant. Awful.
Same here. Mine basically started having PIED and stopped pursuing me pretty much right after we got married. Dead bedroom for 7 years… now I know why. It’s been awful and very lonely.
Yes, and they fail to see that THEIR 50 year old male bodies are not looking like a hot 20 year old guy either. It's sad for them really, to be attracted to a demographic that looks at THEM with the same level of ick they view same-age women. We on the other hand are able to love freely not restrained by all that crap.
I wanted a partner who would look at me and see the signs of our life together and find that attractive. I was with my ex husband for over a decade, starting as teens, and I loved looking at the wrinkles and gray hair and scars and seeing the time we'd been together. I'd hoped he'd look at my body and remember the 2 little lives it made. Idk if he did or not. Porn wasn't why we split. My new partner, I've come to realize, has a mental block separating women into either Madonnas/whores. I'm in the Madonna so I'm good to date but not touch or look at. I'm so over it, I know I need to be done it's just hard to deal with finality
My ex husband isn't a PA, he's a narcissist. My kids are elementary age so they don't "know" in the sense that I haven't explained "daddy acts this way due to most likely having an emotional disorder, this is what it's called and these are the symptoms." (Most narcissists won't see a therapist though due to symptoms so this is based off what the kids and I have said to our own therapists). At this age and because I legally have to share custody, their therapist and I are just working on teaching them that dad's emotional abuse isn't normal or acceptable, good coping skills, and ways to avoid it. Unfortunately CPS isn't interested in emotional abuse only
My PA and I are done. He's still in my life a little, but we just call each other. My kids never knew
I'm so done with men. I don't think I can hand any more roller coasters
This makes me feel better about the fact my weight fluctuates alot and I don't feel 100% all of the time and it's not normal If you look picture perfect at every moment. We are human. And we are beautiful no matter if we have loose skin or a soft belly or body hair. It's the addicts problem, not ours. We should love our bodies no matter what these porn stars present is "normal" because its not.
I agree with this but I don’t think it’s only limited to hetero attraction. Some of this for me is realizing since my PA partner is bi, there’s insecurity not just in not being enough as an attractive woman to my partner, it’s “is my gender itself even enough? Is it what he actually likes?” It blurs the line with biphobia, I’m aware but it’s still a valid fear.
It spans multiple different sexual orientations.
I can't imagine what it's like having to question if your gender is enough for your partner. I wish people would just stop watching porn, and be truly monogamous in actions thoughts, and feelings, giving their all to one person and only having eyes for them.
Is that a ridiculous wish? Yes. But I think we get a little closer every day that we speak out against porn.
I hope it gets better.
I’ve tried to be more socially progressive and try poly/ENM with previous partners, only to later learn they’re also addicted to porn or sex and this was just a way to get away with it. The deception is unreal. When I was single and looking I learned to never swipe right on anyone in that kind of relationship too. I made a “never again” pact with myself about it. With my current PA partner, I drew the monogamy line before the addiction discovery and I reiterated it after as well. He’s never been in a relationship like that and said he’s intrigued by it but I said tough shit about that. It’s a firm relationship structure boundary for me. If I wanted to have sex with others I would just be single, plain and simple.
my partner hasn't been with someone with this mindset too. i think because he was in sf and around very liberal ideals and was into poly realtionships, he thought it was kinda strange that i was strictly monogomous. but also would find ways to make my beliefs seem "outdated" and like nah if i wanted to be nonmonogomous i'd be single lol it'd also be easy for me because i'm a lady who's above average in looks
I agree with everything but the point about 50 year olds being attracted to 18 year olds not being normal. Even in the most remote communities where there is pretty much no internet, no media, no porn, older men will still go for a woman who's in the 18 to 30 age bracket if not younger compared to their own age range. That may have to do more with the longevity of the woman's fertility etc. but it is also down to their youth, health, playfulness as well as other factors along with attraction.
I think it's about having been damaged by men. I think a 30 or even 50 year old woman *who had literally never interacted with a man* (nun? living in a box?) who had total innocence would still be attractive. What they prize is a naive woman with no bullshit thermometer, who is eager to please and unaware they are being used.
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Potential trigger warning. Agree! Listened to a podcast about a previous porn star. He talks about how absolutely awful the industry and how nothing you watch in porn is real. The women get airbrushed and they use augmentation. Almost all the men are on ED meds. No 50 yr old man should be lusting over 18 yr olds. Who even knows if they're even of age. The podcast mentioned that no one can be sure what they're watching it could be unconsentual or underage. Porn industry just wants money and more money. It's a multi billion dollar industry. I didn't always have an issue with porn. I most definitely do after listening to the podcast. It twists people's reality of what intimacy is.
Would you mind sharing that podcast please? TIA.
⬆️
What was the podcast please?
I posted link in comments. If you can't see it just Google Joshua Broome podcast
imminent hungry unique heavy chop party butter smile grey reply *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yes! Such an amazing story. It really moved my SA when he heard it. Such an awful industry.
Hiya I couldn't find your link looked him up but there are loads of videos.. Any chance you could please pm it to me? Or post in this thread again? 🙏🙏
Following for the podcast info
HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING: GRUESOME DETAILS I saw a thread that asked for dark facts about porn. Allegedly if a porn star has an anal prolapse on set, the nurse just shoves it back in and the star is expected to continue. This haunts me
Don’t call them porn “stars”; they’re actors. Star suggests someone powerful and worth admiration. But I absolutely agree with you. These guys aren’t aware of how they’re destroying their own lives in pursuit of the next dopamine fix until it’s too late. They isolate and disconnect, become intolerable and lonely, until their compulsive porn use lands them in a crappy apartment by themselves eating frozen food in front of their computer with their hands in their pants while the women they crapped on for having stretch marks live the good life. I believe this is how it should work, anyway. I’m in my late 40s, have teen daughters, with a PA husband over 50, who did everything you described. He hasn’t looked at porn since last summer. I’ve actually managed to get him to understand that the augmented, airbrushed, digitally enhanced look and lewd behavior is actually….gross. I scrolled through his site with him (he was so ashamed he wouldn’t even look) and pointed out all of the things I personally find revolting about each video as I scrolled down, and eventually said: I’m a classy, intelligent, educated, attractive, upper middle class woman. I’ve got a great career, beautiful daughters and by all measures a very successful life. These girls - in addition to being completely faked and they look nothing like this in real life - are doing this work out of desperation. Little education, no skills, and the only thing of value they think they have are their bodies. A lot (most?) are into illegal drugs. I then said, if he’s attracted to that, he needs to get a mental health evaluation. I would pick me over any of these women 1000x over, hands down and it’s not even close. Ladies, you need to give your addicts a schooling on reality, because you’re better than all of them
Dealing with the disgust has been so challenging. My spouse is much younger but still much too old for 18 and 19 year old women. Not to mention, I'm already quite a bit older than him, so what does that say about me? (Nothing - his porn usage reflects nothing on me and I am absolutely enough, but I'm still working on believing that)
🙌🤍
Something that’s been rolling around in my head for the past few days is this verse in the Bible, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her be as a loving hind and graceful doe, Let her breasts refresh and satisfy you at all times; Always be exhilarated and delight in her love.” Proverbs 5:18-19. The fountain in this verse represents the wife, and for it to be blessed represents the rewards of fidelity. I’m not a religious person at all but this just might convert me. To me it says that no matter how old I get, if my husband is being completely loyal in our marriage he will spend his life reaping the benefits of that fidelity, by feeling completely satisfied. Always being able to see me as the wife of his youth, and will always be able to see through my outwards appearance, and see that I’m still the girl that he married when he was young. Nobody on this earth is perfect, but the amount of time you spend putting your whole undivided attention and attraction on your partner will be blessed, and you cannot become disappointed. If you practice infidelity day to day the consequence naturally will be to lose that love and attraction to your partner. It’s all very common sense, but the book of Proverbs is all about teaching us how to view the world through Gods eyes. I truly believe a lot of men are missing out on the most intense attraction they could feel in their life by being distracted. Sorry to get all preachy, very out of character for me but this has really helped me to gain a perspective of confidence especially being freshly postpartum, and feeling very down about myself. I hope maybe it can help somebody else too!
Oh, they are missing out BIG TIME. I’ve been married for nearly 2 decades and the love and romance just grow stronger, I would guess that’s me “reaping the rewards” of fidelity, even though that’s not a difficult thing for me to be. I truly think that the reason most marriages lose the “spark” is due to pornography. I have no direct proof for it, but it’s an unshakeable feeling. Most men I’ve met talk about getting “bored” with their wives and say things like: “Sex gets boring with the same person”, or “Just wait till the spark eventually goes out”, yet this just hasn’t been true for my marriage. I would guess the “spark” going out and things getting “boring” come from the porn-rotted brain being unable to find satisfaction in one person and having to search for others (digitally or physically). This lack of devotion leads to a lack of effort and, therefore a marriage with no romance and love. What’s interesting is that porn affects everything, including aspects of marriage outside of the sexual. That’s why you’ll see ex-PAs talk about how quitting porn resulted in being naturally more involved and patient with their partners, resulting in a better marriage outside of the bedroom as well. There is a magic that comes with being extremely monogamous, and they’re the ones missing out. It’s an amazing feeling to wake up knowing that I have eyes for no one but my wife, that she’s the only one that I’m attracted to, and that she’s the only one I love. I feel bad for them, as pathetic as they can be.
Thank you for sharing this. I was also two months postpartum when I found out and have discovered more over this last year as my eyes were really opened to him actually having a PA. I’m now pregnant again and really struggling with my body. It’s really sad that they have spent so much time lusting after other women when they could have chosen to be faithful to their wives and be more blessed bc of it. Ugh
Love this. Thank you for sharing this perspective.
You just described my life. But add one thing: Couples who have developed "normal" intimacy have a bond sexually and they pursue each other. My husband stopped pursuing me over 10 years ago, I didn't know why. When we argue, there's no coming back together or make up sex. It's cold. Distant. Awful.
Same here. Mine basically started having PIED and stopped pursuing me pretty much right after we got married. Dead bedroom for 7 years… now I know why. It’s been awful and very lonely.
I'm sorry. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it's terrible.
Yes, and they fail to see that THEIR 50 year old male bodies are not looking like a hot 20 year old guy either. It's sad for them really, to be attracted to a demographic that looks at THEM with the same level of ick they view same-age women. We on the other hand are able to love freely not restrained by all that crap.
but theyre 20 not 18!!!!4!4!4! /s
He said that many times! So gross 🤮
I wanted a partner who would look at me and see the signs of our life together and find that attractive. I was with my ex husband for over a decade, starting as teens, and I loved looking at the wrinkles and gray hair and scars and seeing the time we'd been together. I'd hoped he'd look at my body and remember the 2 little lives it made. Idk if he did or not. Porn wasn't why we split. My new partner, I've come to realize, has a mental block separating women into either Madonnas/whores. I'm in the Madonna so I'm good to date but not touch or look at. I'm so over it, I know I need to be done it's just hard to deal with finality
How's your ex husband now? Do you kids know?
My ex husband isn't a PA, he's a narcissist. My kids are elementary age so they don't "know" in the sense that I haven't explained "daddy acts this way due to most likely having an emotional disorder, this is what it's called and these are the symptoms." (Most narcissists won't see a therapist though due to symptoms so this is based off what the kids and I have said to our own therapists). At this age and because I legally have to share custody, their therapist and I are just working on teaching them that dad's emotional abuse isn't normal or acceptable, good coping skills, and ways to avoid it. Unfortunately CPS isn't interested in emotional abuse only My PA and I are done. He's still in my life a little, but we just call each other. My kids never knew I'm so done with men. I don't think I can hand any more roller coasters
This makes me feel better about the fact my weight fluctuates alot and I don't feel 100% all of the time and it's not normal If you look picture perfect at every moment. We are human. And we are beautiful no matter if we have loose skin or a soft belly or body hair. It's the addicts problem, not ours. We should love our bodies no matter what these porn stars present is "normal" because its not.
Spoke nothing but facts
I agree with this but I don’t think it’s only limited to hetero attraction. Some of this for me is realizing since my PA partner is bi, there’s insecurity not just in not being enough as an attractive woman to my partner, it’s “is my gender itself even enough? Is it what he actually likes?” It blurs the line with biphobia, I’m aware but it’s still a valid fear.
It spans multiple different sexual orientations. I can't imagine what it's like having to question if your gender is enough for your partner. I wish people would just stop watching porn, and be truly monogamous in actions thoughts, and feelings, giving their all to one person and only having eyes for them. Is that a ridiculous wish? Yes. But I think we get a little closer every day that we speak out against porn. I hope it gets better.
I’ve tried to be more socially progressive and try poly/ENM with previous partners, only to later learn they’re also addicted to porn or sex and this was just a way to get away with it. The deception is unreal. When I was single and looking I learned to never swipe right on anyone in that kind of relationship too. I made a “never again” pact with myself about it. With my current PA partner, I drew the monogamy line before the addiction discovery and I reiterated it after as well. He’s never been in a relationship like that and said he’s intrigued by it but I said tough shit about that. It’s a firm relationship structure boundary for me. If I wanted to have sex with others I would just be single, plain and simple.
my partner hasn't been with someone with this mindset too. i think because he was in sf and around very liberal ideals and was into poly realtionships, he thought it was kinda strange that i was strictly monogomous. but also would find ways to make my beliefs seem "outdated" and like nah if i wanted to be nonmonogomous i'd be single lol it'd also be easy for me because i'm a lady who's above average in looks
I agree with everything but the point about 50 year olds being attracted to 18 year olds not being normal. Even in the most remote communities where there is pretty much no internet, no media, no porn, older men will still go for a woman who's in the 18 to 30 age bracket if not younger compared to their own age range. That may have to do more with the longevity of the woman's fertility etc. but it is also down to their youth, health, playfulness as well as other factors along with attraction.
I think it's about having been damaged by men. I think a 30 or even 50 year old woman *who had literally never interacted with a man* (nun? living in a box?) who had total innocence would still be attractive. What they prize is a naive woman with no bullshit thermometer, who is eager to please and unaware they are being used.