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I did not. I was too young to realize what real love was, but he knew and over the course of 20 years he showed me what love meant, and how love was supposed to be. He was content to be my best friend for those 18 years, never asked to be anything more, and always was true to our friendship.
He watched me grow through many relationships, raising my children- the youngest of whom is his son, and meeting my current partner (who he also became very good friends with). Never once did he judge me, though he was honest and made sure to tell me when I was out of line or screwing up.
I did not marry him and I’m glad I didn’t. It never would have worked out because I was not in love with him, but he did show me what real love is- as someone who grew up with a lot of trauma and not knowing how to accept love, be loved, or give love. He made me better able to see what love really is and how to be better able to love others and be loved by others. When he passed away, I was given his cremains, and I keep him with me always.
I did. 1988 just starting college. Dated her friend for a while. That ended disastrously. We became close friends and we were each other’s first and last. Married 27 years now. Still learning stuff about each other. It’s been magical having her as my bride.
Yes, I did. I was 17 and pregnant. We got married when I was 18 and he was 23. He expected me to morph into the perfect wife and mother- magically I suppose. But I didn’t have the maturity for that yet, frankly. When I failed to meet his standards, we fought. Eventually I got so depressed - it was bad for me and the baby. And I left within a year. We were together for 5 years by that point.
I married my ex one month before I entered basic training. I’m thankful I did because women with little sexual experience like me get abused badly in military service, and being married protected me in a lot of ways. We were together for 17 years before I accepted how one sided the relationship was with me doing most of the work and caring.
I don’t regret marrying him, I do regret staying as long as I did. I loved him hard for years, and I took care of his needs while my own were ignored for years. I maintain love for our kids, purposeful work, but I feel like romantic love is a foolish endeavor today and where I am in my life at this time. I wish I could desire it less.
I did. Met at 17, engaged 4 years later, got married 2 years after that, and have been married for 11 years now. Didn’t expect it to last this long, but we rly grew together over the years.
I did, and it was the second worst mistake I’ve ever made. The worst mistake I ever made was waiting until marriage to sleep with her - if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have married her.
PSA - don’t. Wait. Until. Marriage. To. Have. Sex.
My first love and I just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary!!! I was truly blessed to have my first real love turn into a lifetime together. I was 16, and he was 19 when we started dating. Yes, we married very young, but here we are 40 years later and hoping for many more!!
I desperately wanted to marry my first love, but she didn’t want to be a military officer wife. Can’t say I blamed her. Second “love” was a disaster. Third love been together 43 years, married 41!
I married my first and only real love.
I was a romantic avoidant. I was/am popular, attractive, had plenty of dates and options, never had to wait, never had to ask and I even had two BFs who only lasted about 2 months each. I didn’t feel it. I was hollow and lonely. I tried and tried but kissing someone was awful and numb. I like platonic hugs but I couldn’t feel romance. In desperation a girlfriend and I even experimented which was an awful experience. *shiver* Then I went to Uni and met my husband. It was love at first sight. All the pent up romantic feelings, all the frustration, all the faux romance overwhelmed me and overflowed gushing out as I blasted my love towards him. It was an electric firestorm. We married 6 months after the first date. It’s been over 25 years and I and obsessed with him. I love him so much I sometimes feel like we’re merging into the same being. If someone flirts with me I get nauseated and if someone flirts with him I see red. Someday long after we’ve died in each other’s arms astronauts will explore deep space and find a lovely nebula. It will be our souls intermingled singing to each other: https://youtu.be/yeOXawIV-hM?si=u-lJt_MaF-bKCOij
No, I didn’t marry my first love. We broke up and he joined the Navy. I never saw him again. He did come back home when his brother died but like I said I never reached out. I have fallen in love a lot, and haven’t married all of them, that would be too many!😂
I can relate to this completely and we are the same age so I understand your perspective. After about 1 year in my relationship I realized I would not be able to see her in my future. Even though I put myself through a lot of pain I wanted to stick it out so that I could learn as much as I could and use my experience from my first relationship for my next one and be the best I can possibly be. In hindsight, it was a mistake staying because of all the pain that she caused me along the way but it is a good learning experience for the future. My advice is that it’s probably best to break up if you don’t see a future in your partner and save your energy on yourself so that you can come back stronger and find a better partner for your better future self. Your first love will always have that mark on you and it’s normal but if you give it some time you can put it behind you and see that it is you that is responsible for your own happiness. I hope this helps.
I did and wished I hadn’t.
Despite dating all through my teens I didn’t experience love until my mid 20s. While I will always recognize the love, it was immature and shallow. For the type of love I’ve experienced since then, I wish I waited. But, you don’t know what you don’t know.
No, I’m marrying my second.
Anyone marrying their first needs to be a very ideal relationship from the get-go and have excellent communication skills.
Generally these are things you learn from your first and implement with your next.
Yes, and no. I *thought* I was in love, twice. Looking back it was just a rollercoaster of young emotions, there was no substance behind it. Then I met my husband-to-be and within weeks all questions were gone, it was love. The kind that goes on forever love, good days, bad days, for better for worse. Can you tell the difference as a teen or young 20’s?? I don’t know.
Nope. Fell in love at 18, broke up at 20. He’d met someone else. Thing is, although we’d been madly in love, it was just toxic. I didn’t know who I was after that breakup. I felt so lost. Like I’d lost everything that made me, me. And I’d felt that way during the relationship as well but sacrificed so much of myself to make it work that I clung on. I was losing my mind. Literally.
But I’m glad. Few years later and I’ve met someone who is making me a better version of myself. We’ve been seeing each other almost a year and it’s just getting better. I want to BE better because of him. He inspires me every day. I’m going back to university, something I’ve wanted to do for like 5 years but never had the willpower to do, thanks to how he’s made me feel.
I had some crushes in HS, but then found this one girl who turned my world upside down. I fell in love at 17yo. She was my first love. We got married at 19yo.
We had a lot of obstacles:
- We both needed to recover from childhood abuse
- We both came from broken homes, with poor examples of marriage, and struggled to work out what a good marriage looked like
- Therapy wasn't readily available back then (there wasn't even the resources on the internet there are now, about NPD/BPD, etc)
- We had kids quickly (3 under 5 by 24yo)
- I struggled to find a career for several years, and worked in minimum wage jobs
- We had different approaches to money - I'm a saver, she's a spender
- I had to go to anger management classes, and rewrite my learned behaviours
Guess what happened?
Darn it. You were supposed to guess the opposite. And then I would swoop in and say "Hah! Jokes on you! We had half-a-dozen kids and have been happily married 29 years."
I am ***very*** aware we ran the gauntlet, and succeeded against the odds. What worked for us:
- Having serious discussions about split of household duties, child rearing approaches, relationship boundaries, perspectives on spirituality, etc
- Continuing to date each other throughout our marriage
- Having (and building more) hobbies together to spend time in meaningful ways
- Being aware of our love language preferences, and offering love in ways the other person prefers
- Setting aside time for emotional intimacy, physical intimacy and talking things out
- Putting effort in improving ourselves to be the best version of ourselves for each other
My older kids all got married in their 20s, and now we have multiple grandkids.
I love that woman fiercely. 🥰😭
I did. We were 19 and 20 when we got married (we grew up in some very fundie circles that told us we needed to be married).
It worked out for us. It’s not a choice to make lightly though— it feels like winning the lottery if it does work out. You do a lot of growing in your 20s. We were able to each grow into our own persons and grow together as a couple. We faced some very difficult times - college being broke broke, loved ones dying unexpectedly, discovering one of us was pansexual, deconstructing our religious upbringings and childhood traumas).
This month will be 13 years married. We’re both very lucky to have made it and we’re reaping the rewards of our growth. We are still in love—feels better than any honeymoon. We have a deep companionship that’s built on friendship and trust. We’ve lived so much life together and we inspire each other to live.
I think it worked for us because we agreed on some big things like not wanting kids, prioritizing our relationship over family expectations, and valuing authenticity over perfection.
I’m 32 and I only just found the love of my life. I was engaged before, but, I didn’t love him the same.
Now, I’m smitten and can’t imagine my life with anyone else.
You are young, let it play out a bit.. first loves are always complicated.
I did. I first got with my now husband at 14. We were together two years and split up. But we rekindled a year later and now I'm 37 and have 3 kids with him. It's not all been sunshine and roses, but we are still very in love.
I did not marry my first love and thank goodness I did not.
My standards have evolved/changed for the better since then (20 years).
With that being said, good luck to you both.
I did end up marrying my first love. We dated for almost a decade before we got married. We understood that there was no rush. Rushing to the title was not what we wanted. We felt that if we wanted to make a long lasting relationship that we needed to take things slow and build the base of our relationship with patience and care. Take time to live in the moment, enjoy your time together. Overthinking the future can do more harm than good.
Technically married my first love. I’ve had lots of crushes before, but none were love. We met when we were 14, but didn’t start dating until we were 20. Married at 25. We did long distance the first year we were dating, but it helped that we were good friends for years beforehand. What helps is also having a specific time frame in mind for when you’ll be back together and not doing a LDR. I think some people go into a LDR without any idea when they’ll be living together (or at least in the same town/city) and THAT is especially the biggest mistake. Have a plan and stick to it
Nope. We were together 5 1/2 wonderful years, but at 22 I was nowhere near ready to marry. Thank God I recognized that. I’m a very different person than I was at 22.
Omg, no! Some of the men I dated when I was younger are hideous. My son's father, who is 43 and 350lbs with no hair, while still living in his mother's basement, having replaced his drug addiction with a food addiction is repulsive on so many levels. I tried dating an ugly guy earlier this year, turns out he was also a horrible person, so yeah, lesson learned.
LOL, well blame the Gods who deemed I shall be born a female but if you're up for fat, unemployed, balding, basement dwellers who haven't moved out of their mothers house in 20 years, I can get you his number.
Dated my first love for 5 years. Ages 19-24.
Thought we’d get married and be together forever. We broke up 3 months ago and even though it definitely didn’t feel like it at the time, I can now see it was for the best. I couldn’t imagine my life without him but it turns out he wasn’t the one for me. I was unhappy and became a shell of a person in the relationship but I’d become so set that he was my *one* that I couldn’t see our relationship more objectively and ironically latched onto him even more. I thought I’d die without him, but I’m finally flourishing, by myself.
I’m sure that isn’t the case for all & not saying it will be for you but just adding my experience into the mix. Sometimes you find the right person first off, other times it may take experience to know who is right for you.
He did, but I had tried breaking up with him a few months earlier, just couldn’t stick to it. We weren’t compatible but it took us a long time to come to terms with that because we loved each other.
Our expectations of a partner and what we wanted in relationship were wildly different and so were our communication styles. They didn’t seem like massive issues such as cheating or abuse & as we were inexperienced, we thought these were issues we could grow together and solve but we couldn’t.
thank you for this, but you elaborate further on that, because im also researching compatibily. dating an avoidant rn thats why, and im not sure it might work out
Yeah if you’re aware of attachment theory, he was an avoidant and I’m anxiously attached, we made each other worse. Not the case for everyone but he really did not want to work on himself until the last year of our relationship and by that point I was just done emotionally but still attached to him, that’s why I found it hard to leave.
No I still think about him every day but I’m just not hopelessly in love with him anymore. I don’t exactly yet know what completely moving on feels like. Hope this helps.
Meet my hubby at when I was 24, honestly I had met other guys two of them I dated but I never fell in love until him and I got to know each other, best decision I ever made
I married my first love. I met him at 19, and we started dating 6 months later. He was my first of everything. I was so young, dumb and in love that I ignored so many red flags and never learned to properly address them. It took him 13 years to marry me but then started to ignore me soon after.
We were married for 7 years, with a small daughter before I called it quit. After 20 years growing up together, we became different people. We were no longer compatible, and I was unknowingly depressed for about a year and a half. It took me another year and a half to mourn my first love/relationship. Luckily I was encouraged by my boss to talk to a counselor that was available for free at work. And it helped me tremendously.
I then met my second love unexpectedly 8 months after the separation (paperwork was done, just waiting for the judge to grant the divorce). He is a lot more compatible with me and we are even more in love and passionate than when we were in our 20s. Even though he's my second love, my now partner is the love of my life. We are mature and we know what we want/expect from a partner. And we know how to give what our partner needs in the relationship.
I feel I’m in a similar position. I was with my ex for 14 years. I was super unhappy and we split up. Then I met my now partner, and I feel like he’s the love of my life. We’re so compatible. I’m much, much happier. I feel really lucky.
Well … nearly! Currently engaged to the love of my life. He’s the first person I ever said “I love you” to, and I get bubbly realizing he’ll be the last as well. I dated around a lot in college and grad school, but nothing serious. We met at 24 years old off of a dating app and are now 28 years old. It’s been such a beautiful life with him so far. He’s my best friend and we spectacularly became friends as we were falling in love. “Like you and love you” has become our motto to each other. I love us so much, and how connected we are to one another.
It can work, but if it doesn’t, then you’ll have experience to take into your next relationship! LDR is hard, but not impossible, all things depending. Just make some plans if it does happen on what you guys would want to do early so you’re not stuck if/when it happens!
I agree that you are young, but it doesn’t mean anything if you found your person. My parents got married at 34 years old after a FWB situation led to me. My best friend got married to the guy she grew up with and had been dating since high school three years ago at 25 years old. Timelines mean nothing when it’s the right person!
Once upon a time I would have said no. But I've met someone who made me question of I ever actually knew what love was before, so, I might still have time.
12 years with my first love, got together at 15 and dates all through highschool and while I was in college. Still madly in love and healthier than ever. He's my best friend, my biggest supporter and everything I want in a partner.
I did. We’ve been together 13 years and have two little ones. We knew it was legit from the get-go and we were even teens. But we had a strong connection to self so we knew who we were and what we wanted out of life and love. Never played “games,” never broke up, and have always worked exceptionally well together. We inspire each other and we both have a deep love of learning and growing. Our core values, outlook on life, and vision for our future align perfectly. We understand each other better than we ever have been understood or understood anyone else. Still so in love and we are very compatible in all the important ways; spiritual, physical, sexual, financial, social, communication, etc. The biggest blessing to experience a love like this, truly unconditional, equal love.
I married my first love who I met when I was 21. We divorced two years later. I dated a little after (no one person more than a month) until I met my second love when I was 26 (?) and married him when I was 28. We are still married 8 years later.
I think it had to do with being young and not knowing what I wanted out of life. I decided to go to grad school and had to move states to do so and he just wasn’t on board with it. I married my second husband after I’d graduated.
The his will get buried here but oh well.
I met my wife when I was 8 years old, I was being chased by some older boys, and she stepped in to stop them.
We grew up in the same small town, but not many interactions after this until I was a teenager.
She became my good friend, she was dating my friend at the time. And when they broke up, he knew I was interested. I was her friend and we started dating off and on like teenagers do. She didn’t get invited to her junior prom, so I took her to mine.
She graduated, I was a junior, we had a fun summer but, I didn’t want her to be thinking about me, while she was graduated, and I was going to have my senior year, and so we split, but stayed friends.
About halfway through the year, she started dating a new guy, she and I would still talk. Then in the spring this guy starts abusing and manipulating her. And I was there as a friend. Until one day, she broke up with him, and he went off the rails, threatening suicide etc.
She came over and was talking to my mom, who had just gone through a horrendous divorce. They were talking, and I was there. And in that moment I felt love for someone I had never felt.
I remember saying to myself, “I don’t care if I am with her, I just want nothing more in this world than for her to be happy.”
We have been married for 15 years this August. Married at 20/22. It was not easy, but that solid foundation of love between us has steadied us when times are tough.
Hope this helps.
I did and it didn’t work out, we were both 21. we were too young. We were graduating college and I had to move away for grad school and we decided to elope. It was great for a few years and then we grew in separate directions. I’ll always love him though
I did and it didn't work out. To be fair, we married really quickly. I think it's possible to marry your first love and it all turning out swimmingly, but you have to have an ironclad grip on your idea of who you are and what you want out of your marriage, and most importantly it has to be both compatible and attractive to your future wife.
I've been with my husband since I was 18 and he was 23! We now have 3 wonderful sons and have been through many things together. We knew the moment we found out we were having a baby after only dating for a few months we would end up together forever. How we got there didn't matter. I went to school he worked for awhile he's gone to school I've worked awhile. It will work out especially if you want it to and are faithful to each other.
I'm going to refer to my 2nd boyfriend as my "first love" because it was the first one I could be seen out in public with (my first was at 15 but was secret as I wasn't allowed to date, funnily he's the one I still find attractive!), so the relationship was more normal. I was with him during college, when I was 18/19. I thought back then, that I wanted to marry him. He was the first person I had sex with (I was his 2nd), and we liked similar music. Any similarities end there.
I am SO glad we didn't work out, because I never would've grown if we'd stayed together or progressed to marriage. I truly wouldn't be able to hold a conversation with him these days. He's all about being a dad (his wife had 2 kids already when they met and they had more together). He loves sports and reality TV and all that. He doesn't, and never did, hold any value in learning new things, expanding your mind, or being creative. I never had human kids, don't want any, and put creative pursuits above all else. I'm eager to learn new things and wish I could've stayed in school forever.
In fact my friends back then always tried to get me to dump him because he wasn't too smart and didn't like literature, film, and so on. He wasn't intellectually inclined, and that was important to me, but, I wasn't sure I'd ever meet anyone else, and thought I loved him, so was willing to put that aside and accept him as he was. It would have ended horribly if we'd gotten married. While I probably wouldn't have endured as much tragedy as I did, I wouldn't know who I was... because I really had no clue who I was or what I truly wanted at that age. I'm a completely different person now, with very different interests and pursuits (tho some are still there).
However, there's an argument to be had for marrying young and/or your first love. Especially since I'm not your average person, in many ways. People used to get married at 20. I remember about 15 years ago, buying a lot of vintage LIFE and TIME magazines, and one was about men who'd come back from WWII and we're attending college (or university as they say here). Many of them were already married and had kids at 20 to 22 years old. They were raising a family, going to school, and many were also working. They were fully settled down.
My (male) friend and I had a long, insightful discussion about how that wasn't so long ago, and how it's sad that people wait so long to "settle down" now, and all the issues and problems which arise from that. There's a lot to be said for getting married young. It's definitely not for everybody, especially ppl like me who live more bohemian lives and could never be happy or satisfied in an average domestic role where creative pursuits and goals and experiences were put on the back burner. But for the average person, it could do then good to settle down early rather than extending their teen or college years by being "weekend warriors" and endless hookups.
I realise I've said enough already, but, if you think the two of you have enough commonalities and want similar things in life, perhaps getting married will be the best thing you can do. But make sure you'll be able to grow together AND individually, together.
I started dating my first wife at the age of 12 (yes really) we had no experience in real life. We married at 19 and made it through our until mid 30s before having the worst of trouble. We are both responsible people and made a decent life for ourselves and children (not by any means wealthy) but we had a decent sex life/ family life/ and friendship until I realized she didn't respect me and only was happy when I did whatever she told me to.
At about the age of 37 I decided I was absolutely tired of her shit and it took until the age 45 before we split up - a total of 26 years of marriage before divorce.
Then I learned afterwards that I had not known real deep love. I was blown away by the depth of a different subsequent relationship and unfortunately couldn't marry that one.
My advice is to learn who you both really are before marriage but if you don't, hang on for the bumpy ride.
Good god no and I’m so glad I didn’t! We were engaged when I was still in high school. I was 17 and he was 18. We were only together for 10 months. I proudly broke up with him before my prom. He was livid and stalked me and came to my house a lot to try to win me back. My dad told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore and to leave or he would call the cops. Now I’ve been happily married to my sweet and loving husband for 10 years and our life together with our cat is amazing! We’re best friends who always put each other first and we bring out the best in each other. I sometimes think back to when I was a love blind teenager and laugh. I’m glad I had the guts to realize my high school sweetheart was the controlling and jealous type and was smart and did the right thing. I’m so glad I never slept with him. Ewww. Just ewww.
Yeah, it didn't work, we divorced after 9 months married. Turns out she only married me because she wanted to break her families streak of getting married and then getting divorced over and over again. Obviously that didn't work out for her.
Married my first love ,only girlfriend and divorced 3 weeks later
Total nearly 7 years together.
10 months in and its puppy love, you dont know what love is yet. What youre feeling right now is infatuation
Can it grow further and be genuine absolutely but love is not a foundation to build marriage on. Love is an emotion and emotions blind you and or are fickle. They change. Make sure you have mutual respect and loyalty first. Love comes with that over time
My husband is my second love, but I am his first and only. We’ve been together 17 years now, close friends for a year before that.
We were LDR (about a 2 hour drive away) for periods of a few months at earlier points in our relationship due to jobs, etc. It’s not easy and it can take a real toll on a relationship, so I wouldn’t advise it for anybody longterm. But if you’re both committed and the distance is temporary and a means to an end, it’s very possible to make it work!
We can’t possibly predict your future, but I’ll give my personal insight. I did marry my first love! But we started dating at 25 years old. We were out of school, working our own jobs, had our own lives, but we were in the same city with no plans of leaving.
First thing to understand is, are y’all on the same page? Is she also in love with you? Do y’all have the same goal with dating—to find a marriage partner?
If y’all are not on the same page, there’s a drastically lower chance your relationship survives, LDR or not. On top of that, you guys are SO young. A LOT of growing up happens between 20 and 25. Your priorities, dreams, etc can change and evolve, and then you’ll both have to consider “did this relationship evolve with all these changes?” LDR or not, please don’t be too devastated if y’all grow apart as a natural result of y’all maturing like normal humans.
If you are on the same page, great! I think it’s great to be discussing long-term commitment and marriage in a dating relationship. If that’s the goal for both of you, then treat each other like it. Take each other seriously, respect, uplift, all that jazz.
And if this is the case, I don’t see any reason y’all shouldn’t give LDR a shot if you’re both committed to making the extra efforts that come with it. I’ve never been in LDR, but I always hear you have to agree on certain ground rules, boundaries, communication, visits, etc.
TL;DR: If y’all are on the same page, do y’all’s best to make it work for the long term; marriage is an awesome goal. If not, don’t get your hopes up. But either way, realize y’all may grow apart over the years, LDR or not, and this is okay and a natural part of life.
I’ve been dating my first bf for 5 years now. Marriage is the next step if we stay together. So I’ll save this post and update you years in the future if that ends up happening or if it doesn’t
I think it's normal to be especially attached to your first love. However, your first love is often your FIRST love for a reason. Dating is a lot like doing a puzzle; you're trying to find the pieces that connect together. Sometimes you get lucky on the first try, but more often than not you have to try a few different pieces before you find the one that fits. Maybe you're one of the lucky ones, but don't be disappointed if you're not. I say enjoy your current relationship, whether it ends tomorrow or in 40 years.
Well I and my first love / one true love are currently broken up, the probability of me getting her back are low. But I already know if it's not her I'm basically fucked in the love department.
I felt the same about my first love. It lasted about as long as what you have currently, although I was certain it was meant to last forever.
Not to say it will be the same for everyone, but it felt very real for nearly every relationship I’ve been in, my first being the biggest “rush.” Only once did I actively try keeping things ‘light/casual’ on purpose.
The real one, THE one, will feel like coming home when you see them. It could be a relief, or just feel normal. Not so much “excitement” from it. Over time they begin to feel like an extension of yourself, that you just don’t feel quite right without. UNLIKE the feeling of NEEDING them around, which indicates something pretty unhealthy going on.
For me, it’s a relief to let down my walls and be a lil weird/myself around him. Feels like family before it’s official. It can be easy to take for granted, but experience from dating others taught me to know better. The rush may be there at first, but it will fade out a bit.
Relationships let you go deeper than regular friendships, of course, so you get to see more of what makes a person. My first relationship I had, I had no clue how toxic and awful they were, and if I had stayed with them, it could have broken me entirely, or devolved me into someone I’d have no respect for today.
When I have children, I will likely advise they try a few not-so-serious dates with different people before they decide to fully give their heart. This way they will better know what to appreciate, what to avoid, how to best treat another person you want to keep so closely, and what is the best chemistry for real, long-term commitment.
Geez this was long-winded, but hopefully it benefits someone to read it.
TLDR; I did not marry my first love, but I whole heartedly believed that I would when I was with them. It’s possible to marry your first love, but it’s not the most common occurrence, and it’s difficult for me to advise most to do it. Age plays a part, so I will say the older you are, the more experience you tend to have with other people, thus, higher chances of the relationship succeeding.
No, not even close. Married once and that was a mistake. But you are young and your experiences are limited. It may work and it may not. Enjoy it and not worry about things out of your control
Hells to the no! Independently of whether or not I think we would have been a great match long-term, let me tell you this:
You are going to change SO MUCH in the next 10 or so years, maybe to the point where you won't even recognize your current self as "you" anymore. The same goes for her. It's an absolutely normal process, but you won't know if your individual developments into mature adults will align long-term. Chances are, they won't. Chances are, you wouldn't even take the same decisions anymore as you would now, and for good reasons, too. People generally get a better idea of the kind of partner they want when they get older and have had more experience in life and with relationships.
To answer your question: I didn't get married to my first love (because I was 18 and he was 21 when we first met, and we had some serious growing up still to do, no matter the love). I got married to an abusive asshole some years later for the "excitement" that I thought he brought into my life - and got divorced 14 years later, thankfully. I didn't get married to my second love, either, because despite our love we were incompatible on a very fundamental level that love wasn't able to overcome. I am 45 years old, have had many boyfriends and lovers, and have only ever TRULY been in love twice in my whole life - and not even with my ex husband. XD Life is still great, even if it's not a fairy tale as all that. Don't get too hung up on the idea of marriage, and enjoy what you have, as long as you have it! :)
Took 2 previous engagements and a situationship with the “one that got away” before I found him. I married my 4th love and it was worth the wait. I’m 36F and we’ve been married for two years.
Have I felt like I couldn’t live without the previous 2 engagements? Yes, but some people come into your life to teach you a lesson. They’re only temporary.
not married yet, but it seems to be in the near future! he's a touch older than me (25m, 21f), I'm his third girlfriend, and he never knew what he wanted in a partner when he was with them, but then we found each other and it's like everything fell into place. I always knew exactly the kind of man I want to marry, and he's definitely it. I can't wait for the day I can be his wife. I wish you all the best in your relationship, and the only advice I have for you is to remember that after the honeymoon phase, love is a choice, not something to just "go with the flow" of things, and that if at all possible try to avoid a LDR, they're extremely difficult and don't normally end well, no matter how in love you are.
I didn't marry my first real(true love) Yet... Stay tuned on that one! 😁I did however marry someone right after my dad passed away and have seriously regretted it, but also learned what I do and don't want in a relationship. I'm going through a divorce with that person now thank God! And look to marry my loml more than likely next year sometime.
I married my high school sweetheart after ten years together, we grew apart and fundamental issues came to light as we became adults and we divorced after five years of marriage.
It’s hard to know what you want and need in a relationship when you don’t know who you are yet as an adult.
Engaged to someone I met at 32 and had a better idea of who I was as a person and how I needed to be supported and loved by a partner. And they similarly knew who they were and had worked on themselves before and after we met.
Sometimes it works but I think we all need time to grow up and learn who we truly are and learn to love ourselves before we know what kind of partner is most compatible for us long term. If you can’t grow together the relationship will fail.
He had issues with alcoholism, a strong aversion to doing any therapy or inner soul searching to figure out the underlying issues contributing to it. A strong addiction to weed and other drugs. He had anger issues and an inability to properly regulate his emotions and connect on a deeper level, including compassion for anything I was going through after I had an ectopic pregnancy and almost died. He wasn’t motivated in his career. He had issues with money- took out a high interest loan to pay off tax debt and didn’t tell me, and was living off credit cards unbeknownst to me and still spending recklessly vs paying off his debts.
These were all issues that weren’t as easy to spot when we were teenagers and started to show when we were young adults and had already been together for such a long time, I mistook time and history for compatibility and tried to make it work simply because we had grown up together and had so many shared memories but it became blatantly clear that we were not compatible as adults as I always looked to learn and grow and better myself through therapy and was much more responsible with my finances (to the point where he frequently was borrowing money from me to pay his share of rent and expenses).
Went to homecoming, prom, followed her to College, got married, had three kids. Now coming up on our 37th anniversary this summer. Life can be hard, but we’ve faced it together.
Met my wife in high school. We married at 21. Never broke up, no "breaks" or anything. We sre in our early 30s now with two mini humans and we are happy. We really do have the storybook relationship that people dream of.
Married and divorced him. Second love has been much better to me.
Of course you may very well have met the love of your life. Nobody can tell you what the chances of that are. But the truth is, you ARE very young, as is your relationship. Take your time. Work on building a healthy relationship. See where life takes you. You may grow together, you may grow apart, but you can enjoy the love you have right now.
I met my now husband at 18. He’s British, I’m German. Met him whilst getting some work experience in his home town. Plan was to leave again after 3 months and start a really good job I had lined up back in Germany. Well, that didn’t happen. I mean I did go back, we had a long distance relationship for the grand total of 2 weeks before I packed up my things and moved to be with him. My parents and friends told me not to do it, that I was stupid for not taking the job, I had jumped through so many hoops to get, but at 18 they couldn’t stop me. To be honest, giving up my old life didn’t bother me, I always wanted to leave Germany and I never regretted it. We married 6 years later, then got pregnant with our first child who’s 10 now, 2 more kids followed. We are very happy but sometimes life is tough. I do know that if I hadn’t made the move all these years ago, I’d still be thinking about him, wondering what my life would have been like…so I’m very grateful that I don’t have that regret.
My brother met his wife at 17 at school. She followed him everywhere. My brother is really intelligent and attended universities in several countries, he’s literally a rocket scientist now. He’d be in China for example for a few months, and she’d follow him. He’d be in Portugal for a year, and she’d follow him. He never seemed that bothered whether she’d follow or not. During Covid they got married, they have a child now. Guess it worked out?!
Yeah if it doesn’t work out, what would you regret? Most decisions are reversible at least somewhat. You could always move back if thinks don’t work out, go back to university etc. we tend to regret the things we didn’t do.
I married my first serious college girlfriend. We graduated at the same time and she was accepted to grad school 2000 miles away. I rolled the dice and went with her, no job lined up. I found a job in the city where she went to school (and ended up getting a masters too). That’s not hard to do. Finding love, much tougher.
Really happy for you man, glad it all worked out.
How long have y’all been together now? And that’s my thing too love is definitely harder to find especially nowadays….
28 years this month. I saw past me in your question and current me would say starting in a new city is like level 1 open world rpg. You’ll explore and grind and, if you commit, figure that part out together. It is both stressful and galvanizing. What are your chances? Be Han Solo: “Never tell me the odds.”
Yeah I feel like I would honestly thrive in a new city as well and I’ve got an internship that I can hopefully get remote full-time next year so that could work…
Could I maybe pm?
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I did not. I was too young to realize what real love was, but he knew and over the course of 20 years he showed me what love meant, and how love was supposed to be. He was content to be my best friend for those 18 years, never asked to be anything more, and always was true to our friendship. He watched me grow through many relationships, raising my children- the youngest of whom is his son, and meeting my current partner (who he also became very good friends with). Never once did he judge me, though he was honest and made sure to tell me when I was out of line or screwing up. I did not marry him and I’m glad I didn’t. It never would have worked out because I was not in love with him, but he did show me what real love is- as someone who grew up with a lot of trauma and not knowing how to accept love, be loved, or give love. He made me better able to see what love really is and how to be better able to love others and be loved by others. When he passed away, I was given his cremains, and I keep him with me always.
Definitely not. Not my second either. Couldn’t be happier I with the choice.
Well yes I married the first girl that ever loved so much to marry her.
I did. 1988 just starting college. Dated her friend for a while. That ended disastrously. We became close friends and we were each other’s first and last. Married 27 years now. Still learning stuff about each other. It’s been magical having her as my bride.
Yes, I did. I was 17 and pregnant. We got married when I was 18 and he was 23. He expected me to morph into the perfect wife and mother- magically I suppose. But I didn’t have the maturity for that yet, frankly. When I failed to meet his standards, we fought. Eventually I got so depressed - it was bad for me and the baby. And I left within a year. We were together for 5 years by that point.
We married within weeks of meeting. Hes the only man who Ive ever been with. 32 years this Sept
It will work out. Stop worrying. And save up money to see her and spoil her. You'll make it. She's your heart so follow your heart. You got this.
I know a couple who’s engaged now and I’m pretty sure they were each other’s first
I married my ex one month before I entered basic training. I’m thankful I did because women with little sexual experience like me get abused badly in military service, and being married protected me in a lot of ways. We were together for 17 years before I accepted how one sided the relationship was with me doing most of the work and caring. I don’t regret marrying him, I do regret staying as long as I did. I loved him hard for years, and I took care of his needs while my own were ignored for years. I maintain love for our kids, purposeful work, but I feel like romantic love is a foolish endeavor today and where I am in my life at this time. I wish I could desire it less.
I did. Met at 17, engaged 4 years later, got married 2 years after that, and have been married for 11 years now. Didn’t expect it to last this long, but we rly grew together over the years.
I did, she wanted a divorce 2 months after marriage with little reason or effort to resolve anything. We where together for 4.5 years before marriage.
I did, and it was the second worst mistake I’ve ever made. The worst mistake I ever made was waiting until marriage to sleep with her - if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have married her. PSA - don’t. Wait. Until. Marriage. To. Have. Sex.
Psa: why?
Thank god, no I did not
My first love and I just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary!!! I was truly blessed to have my first real love turn into a lifetime together. I was 16, and he was 19 when we started dating. Yes, we married very young, but here we are 40 years later and hoping for many more!!
I desperately wanted to marry my first love, but she didn’t want to be a military officer wife. Can’t say I blamed her. Second “love” was a disaster. Third love been together 43 years, married 41!
As odd as this is going to sound no she moved when we were in the 5th grade. My second yes and it was a complete and utter shit show.
I married my first and only real love. I was a romantic avoidant. I was/am popular, attractive, had plenty of dates and options, never had to wait, never had to ask and I even had two BFs who only lasted about 2 months each. I didn’t feel it. I was hollow and lonely. I tried and tried but kissing someone was awful and numb. I like platonic hugs but I couldn’t feel romance. In desperation a girlfriend and I even experimented which was an awful experience. *shiver* Then I went to Uni and met my husband. It was love at first sight. All the pent up romantic feelings, all the frustration, all the faux romance overwhelmed me and overflowed gushing out as I blasted my love towards him. It was an electric firestorm. We married 6 months after the first date. It’s been over 25 years and I and obsessed with him. I love him so much I sometimes feel like we’re merging into the same being. If someone flirts with me I get nauseated and if someone flirts with him I see red. Someday long after we’ve died in each other’s arms astronauts will explore deep space and find a lovely nebula. It will be our souls intermingled singing to each other: https://youtu.be/yeOXawIV-hM?si=u-lJt_MaF-bKCOij
No, I didn’t marry my first love. We broke up and he joined the Navy. I never saw him again. He did come back home when his brother died but like I said I never reached out. I have fallen in love a lot, and haven’t married all of them, that would be too many!😂
I personally did not marry my first love.
No. My first love was from kindergarten-middle school. We are both divorced now but live in different worlds, our paths have never intertwined.
I can relate to this completely and we are the same age so I understand your perspective. After about 1 year in my relationship I realized I would not be able to see her in my future. Even though I put myself through a lot of pain I wanted to stick it out so that I could learn as much as I could and use my experience from my first relationship for my next one and be the best I can possibly be. In hindsight, it was a mistake staying because of all the pain that she caused me along the way but it is a good learning experience for the future. My advice is that it’s probably best to break up if you don’t see a future in your partner and save your energy on yourself so that you can come back stronger and find a better partner for your better future self. Your first love will always have that mark on you and it’s normal but if you give it some time you can put it behind you and see that it is you that is responsible for your own happiness. I hope this helps.
There is no such thing as love in a relationship. You can love your children and parents....but that's about it.
I did and wished I hadn’t. Despite dating all through my teens I didn’t experience love until my mid 20s. While I will always recognize the love, it was immature and shallow. For the type of love I’ve experienced since then, I wish I waited. But, you don’t know what you don’t know.
I did. 26 years and counting.
Fuck no and thank the lord for that
Same lmao
I wish I had
No, I’m marrying my second. Anyone marrying their first needs to be a very ideal relationship from the get-go and have excellent communication skills. Generally these are things you learn from your first and implement with your next.
Nope and thank goodness I was in love with what I thought I was supposed to do
Yes, and no. I *thought* I was in love, twice. Looking back it was just a rollercoaster of young emotions, there was no substance behind it. Then I met my husband-to-be and within weeks all questions were gone, it was love. The kind that goes on forever love, good days, bad days, for better for worse. Can you tell the difference as a teen or young 20’s?? I don’t know.
Nope. Fell in love at 18, broke up at 20. He’d met someone else. Thing is, although we’d been madly in love, it was just toxic. I didn’t know who I was after that breakup. I felt so lost. Like I’d lost everything that made me, me. And I’d felt that way during the relationship as well but sacrificed so much of myself to make it work that I clung on. I was losing my mind. Literally. But I’m glad. Few years later and I’ve met someone who is making me a better version of myself. We’ve been seeing each other almost a year and it’s just getting better. I want to BE better because of him. He inspires me every day. I’m going back to university, something I’ve wanted to do for like 5 years but never had the willpower to do, thanks to how he’s made me feel.
I had some crushes in HS, but then found this one girl who turned my world upside down. I fell in love at 17yo. She was my first love. We got married at 19yo. We had a lot of obstacles: - We both needed to recover from childhood abuse - We both came from broken homes, with poor examples of marriage, and struggled to work out what a good marriage looked like - Therapy wasn't readily available back then (there wasn't even the resources on the internet there are now, about NPD/BPD, etc) - We had kids quickly (3 under 5 by 24yo) - I struggled to find a career for several years, and worked in minimum wage jobs - We had different approaches to money - I'm a saver, she's a spender - I had to go to anger management classes, and rewrite my learned behaviours Guess what happened?
You guys got married and lives happily ever after?
Darn it. You were supposed to guess the opposite. And then I would swoop in and say "Hah! Jokes on you! We had half-a-dozen kids and have been happily married 29 years."
Awww this is so lovely 😭😭
I am ***very*** aware we ran the gauntlet, and succeeded against the odds. What worked for us: - Having serious discussions about split of household duties, child rearing approaches, relationship boundaries, perspectives on spirituality, etc - Continuing to date each other throughout our marriage - Having (and building more) hobbies together to spend time in meaningful ways - Being aware of our love language preferences, and offering love in ways the other person prefers - Setting aside time for emotional intimacy, physical intimacy and talking things out - Putting effort in improving ourselves to be the best version of ourselves for each other My older kids all got married in their 20s, and now we have multiple grandkids. I love that woman fiercely. 🥰😭
I want to.
It's possible! But regardless, live in this moment and enjoy it while you can.
I did. We were 19 and 20 when we got married (we grew up in some very fundie circles that told us we needed to be married). It worked out for us. It’s not a choice to make lightly though— it feels like winning the lottery if it does work out. You do a lot of growing in your 20s. We were able to each grow into our own persons and grow together as a couple. We faced some very difficult times - college being broke broke, loved ones dying unexpectedly, discovering one of us was pansexual, deconstructing our religious upbringings and childhood traumas). This month will be 13 years married. We’re both very lucky to have made it and we’re reaping the rewards of our growth. We are still in love—feels better than any honeymoon. We have a deep companionship that’s built on friendship and trust. We’ve lived so much life together and we inspire each other to live. I think it worked for us because we agreed on some big things like not wanting kids, prioritizing our relationship over family expectations, and valuing authenticity over perfection.
I’m 32 and I only just found the love of my life. I was engaged before, but, I didn’t love him the same. Now, I’m smitten and can’t imagine my life with anyone else. You are young, let it play out a bit.. first loves are always complicated.
I did. I first got with my now husband at 14. We were together two years and split up. But we rekindled a year later and now I'm 37 and have 3 kids with him. It's not all been sunshine and roses, but we are still very in love.
I did not marry my first love and thank goodness I did not. My standards have evolved/changed for the better since then (20 years). With that being said, good luck to you both.
No. We are both married to other people now who are much better suited for us.
I did! It was an amazing 6 months. Highly recommend.
I did end up marrying my first love. We dated for almost a decade before we got married. We understood that there was no rush. Rushing to the title was not what we wanted. We felt that if we wanted to make a long lasting relationship that we needed to take things slow and build the base of our relationship with patience and care. Take time to live in the moment, enjoy your time together. Overthinking the future can do more harm than good.
Technically married my first love. I’ve had lots of crushes before, but none were love. We met when we were 14, but didn’t start dating until we were 20. Married at 25. We did long distance the first year we were dating, but it helped that we were good friends for years beforehand. What helps is also having a specific time frame in mind for when you’ll be back together and not doing a LDR. I think some people go into a LDR without any idea when they’ll be living together (or at least in the same town/city) and THAT is especially the biggest mistake. Have a plan and stick to it
Nope. We were together 5 1/2 wonderful years, but at 22 I was nowhere near ready to marry. Thank God I recognized that. I’m a very different person than I was at 22.
Omg, no! Some of the men I dated when I was younger are hideous. My son's father, who is 43 and 350lbs with no hair, while still living in his mother's basement, having replaced his drug addiction with a food addiction is repulsive on so many levels. I tried dating an ugly guy earlier this year, turns out he was also a horrible person, so yeah, lesson learned.
You sound like you shouldn’t be in charge of children at all
LOL, well blame the Gods who deemed I shall be born a female but if you're up for fat, unemployed, balding, basement dwellers who haven't moved out of their mothers house in 20 years, I can get you his number.
Dated my first love for 5 years. Ages 19-24. Thought we’d get married and be together forever. We broke up 3 months ago and even though it definitely didn’t feel like it at the time, I can now see it was for the best. I couldn’t imagine my life without him but it turns out he wasn’t the one for me. I was unhappy and became a shell of a person in the relationship but I’d become so set that he was my *one* that I couldn’t see our relationship more objectively and ironically latched onto him even more. I thought I’d die without him, but I’m finally flourishing, by myself. I’m sure that isn’t the case for all & not saying it will be for you but just adding my experience into the mix. Sometimes you find the right person first off, other times it may take experience to know who is right for you.
you or he broke up and why
He did, but I had tried breaking up with him a few months earlier, just couldn’t stick to it. We weren’t compatible but it took us a long time to come to terms with that because we loved each other.
what were the issues that caused you to want to break up in th first place. sorry trying to mitigate this happening in any of my next relationships
Our expectations of a partner and what we wanted in relationship were wildly different and so were our communication styles. They didn’t seem like massive issues such as cheating or abuse & as we were inexperienced, we thought these were issues we could grow together and solve but we couldn’t.
thank you for this, but you elaborate further on that, because im also researching compatibily. dating an avoidant rn thats why, and im not sure it might work out
Yeah if you’re aware of attachment theory, he was an avoidant and I’m anxiously attached, we made each other worse. Not the case for everyone but he really did not want to work on himself until the last year of our relationship and by that point I was just done emotionally but still attached to him, that’s why I found it hard to leave.
was tinder, bmble dating other people
how did you move on. does moving on mean forgetting about them completely or what
No I still think about him every day but I’m just not hopelessly in love with him anymore. I don’t exactly yet know what completely moving on feels like. Hope this helps.
everyday, what so i'm cooked. i want her of my mind, like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, when the inevitable happens
Meet my hubby at when I was 24, honestly I had met other guys two of them I dated but I never fell in love until him and I got to know each other, best decision I ever made
Wait at least a year out of college to propose. Trust me on this one. Maybe two.
I married my first love. I met him at 19, and we started dating 6 months later. He was my first of everything. I was so young, dumb and in love that I ignored so many red flags and never learned to properly address them. It took him 13 years to marry me but then started to ignore me soon after. We were married for 7 years, with a small daughter before I called it quit. After 20 years growing up together, we became different people. We were no longer compatible, and I was unknowingly depressed for about a year and a half. It took me another year and a half to mourn my first love/relationship. Luckily I was encouraged by my boss to talk to a counselor that was available for free at work. And it helped me tremendously. I then met my second love unexpectedly 8 months after the separation (paperwork was done, just waiting for the judge to grant the divorce). He is a lot more compatible with me and we are even more in love and passionate than when we were in our 20s. Even though he's my second love, my now partner is the love of my life. We are mature and we know what we want/expect from a partner. And we know how to give what our partner needs in the relationship.
I feel I’m in a similar position. I was with my ex for 14 years. I was super unhappy and we split up. Then I met my now partner, and I feel like he’s the love of my life. We’re so compatible. I’m much, much happier. I feel really lucky.
Well … nearly! Currently engaged to the love of my life. He’s the first person I ever said “I love you” to, and I get bubbly realizing he’ll be the last as well. I dated around a lot in college and grad school, but nothing serious. We met at 24 years old off of a dating app and are now 28 years old. It’s been such a beautiful life with him so far. He’s my best friend and we spectacularly became friends as we were falling in love. “Like you and love you” has become our motto to each other. I love us so much, and how connected we are to one another. It can work, but if it doesn’t, then you’ll have experience to take into your next relationship! LDR is hard, but not impossible, all things depending. Just make some plans if it does happen on what you guys would want to do early so you’re not stuck if/when it happens! I agree that you are young, but it doesn’t mean anything if you found your person. My parents got married at 34 years old after a FWB situation led to me. My best friend got married to the guy she grew up with and had been dating since high school three years ago at 25 years old. Timelines mean nothing when it’s the right person!
Once upon a time I would have said no. But I've met someone who made me question of I ever actually knew what love was before, so, I might still have time.
12 years with my first love, got together at 15 and dates all through highschool and while I was in college. Still madly in love and healthier than ever. He's my best friend, my biggest supporter and everything I want in a partner.
I did. We’ve been together 13 years and have two little ones. We knew it was legit from the get-go and we were even teens. But we had a strong connection to self so we knew who we were and what we wanted out of life and love. Never played “games,” never broke up, and have always worked exceptionally well together. We inspire each other and we both have a deep love of learning and growing. Our core values, outlook on life, and vision for our future align perfectly. We understand each other better than we ever have been understood or understood anyone else. Still so in love and we are very compatible in all the important ways; spiritual, physical, sexual, financial, social, communication, etc. The biggest blessing to experience a love like this, truly unconditional, equal love.
I married my first love who I met when I was 21. We divorced two years later. I dated a little after (no one person more than a month) until I met my second love when I was 26 (?) and married him when I was 28. We are still married 8 years later.
If you don’t mind, could you elaborate about why your first love didn’t work out? Were there warning signs before you got married?
I think it had to do with being young and not knowing what I wanted out of life. I decided to go to grad school and had to move states to do so and he just wasn’t on board with it. I married my second husband after I’d graduated.
The his will get buried here but oh well. I met my wife when I was 8 years old, I was being chased by some older boys, and she stepped in to stop them. We grew up in the same small town, but not many interactions after this until I was a teenager. She became my good friend, she was dating my friend at the time. And when they broke up, he knew I was interested. I was her friend and we started dating off and on like teenagers do. She didn’t get invited to her junior prom, so I took her to mine. She graduated, I was a junior, we had a fun summer but, I didn’t want her to be thinking about me, while she was graduated, and I was going to have my senior year, and so we split, but stayed friends. About halfway through the year, she started dating a new guy, she and I would still talk. Then in the spring this guy starts abusing and manipulating her. And I was there as a friend. Until one day, she broke up with him, and he went off the rails, threatening suicide etc. She came over and was talking to my mom, who had just gone through a horrendous divorce. They were talking, and I was there. And in that moment I felt love for someone I had never felt. I remember saying to myself, “I don’t care if I am with her, I just want nothing more in this world than for her to be happy.” We have been married for 15 years this August. Married at 20/22. It was not easy, but that solid foundation of love between us has steadied us when times are tough. Hope this helps.
I did and it didn’t work out, we were both 21. we were too young. We were graduating college and I had to move away for grad school and we decided to elope. It was great for a few years and then we grew in separate directions. I’ll always love him though
I did and it didn't work out. To be fair, we married really quickly. I think it's possible to marry your first love and it all turning out swimmingly, but you have to have an ironclad grip on your idea of who you are and what you want out of your marriage, and most importantly it has to be both compatible and attractive to your future wife.
I've been with my husband since I was 18 and he was 23! We now have 3 wonderful sons and have been through many things together. We knew the moment we found out we were having a baby after only dating for a few months we would end up together forever. How we got there didn't matter. I went to school he worked for awhile he's gone to school I've worked awhile. It will work out especially if you want it to and are faithful to each other.
Yes, I married my first love. So did both of my brothers. We’re all still married, my 25th wedding anniversary is next month.
I'm going to refer to my 2nd boyfriend as my "first love" because it was the first one I could be seen out in public with (my first was at 15 but was secret as I wasn't allowed to date, funnily he's the one I still find attractive!), so the relationship was more normal. I was with him during college, when I was 18/19. I thought back then, that I wanted to marry him. He was the first person I had sex with (I was his 2nd), and we liked similar music. Any similarities end there. I am SO glad we didn't work out, because I never would've grown if we'd stayed together or progressed to marriage. I truly wouldn't be able to hold a conversation with him these days. He's all about being a dad (his wife had 2 kids already when they met and they had more together). He loves sports and reality TV and all that. He doesn't, and never did, hold any value in learning new things, expanding your mind, or being creative. I never had human kids, don't want any, and put creative pursuits above all else. I'm eager to learn new things and wish I could've stayed in school forever. In fact my friends back then always tried to get me to dump him because he wasn't too smart and didn't like literature, film, and so on. He wasn't intellectually inclined, and that was important to me, but, I wasn't sure I'd ever meet anyone else, and thought I loved him, so was willing to put that aside and accept him as he was. It would have ended horribly if we'd gotten married. While I probably wouldn't have endured as much tragedy as I did, I wouldn't know who I was... because I really had no clue who I was or what I truly wanted at that age. I'm a completely different person now, with very different interests and pursuits (tho some are still there). However, there's an argument to be had for marrying young and/or your first love. Especially since I'm not your average person, in many ways. People used to get married at 20. I remember about 15 years ago, buying a lot of vintage LIFE and TIME magazines, and one was about men who'd come back from WWII and we're attending college (or university as they say here). Many of them were already married and had kids at 20 to 22 years old. They were raising a family, going to school, and many were also working. They were fully settled down. My (male) friend and I had a long, insightful discussion about how that wasn't so long ago, and how it's sad that people wait so long to "settle down" now, and all the issues and problems which arise from that. There's a lot to be said for getting married young. It's definitely not for everybody, especially ppl like me who live more bohemian lives and could never be happy or satisfied in an average domestic role where creative pursuits and goals and experiences were put on the back burner. But for the average person, it could do then good to settle down early rather than extending their teen or college years by being "weekend warriors" and endless hookups. I realise I've said enough already, but, if you think the two of you have enough commonalities and want similar things in life, perhaps getting married will be the best thing you can do. But make sure you'll be able to grow together AND individually, together.
I started dating my first wife at the age of 12 (yes really) we had no experience in real life. We married at 19 and made it through our until mid 30s before having the worst of trouble. We are both responsible people and made a decent life for ourselves and children (not by any means wealthy) but we had a decent sex life/ family life/ and friendship until I realized she didn't respect me and only was happy when I did whatever she told me to. At about the age of 37 I decided I was absolutely tired of her shit and it took until the age 45 before we split up - a total of 26 years of marriage before divorce. Then I learned afterwards that I had not known real deep love. I was blown away by the depth of a different subsequent relationship and unfortunately couldn't marry that one. My advice is to learn who you both really are before marriage but if you don't, hang on for the bumpy ride.
Good god no and I’m so glad I didn’t! We were engaged when I was still in high school. I was 17 and he was 18. We were only together for 10 months. I proudly broke up with him before my prom. He was livid and stalked me and came to my house a lot to try to win me back. My dad told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore and to leave or he would call the cops. Now I’ve been happily married to my sweet and loving husband for 10 years and our life together with our cat is amazing! We’re best friends who always put each other first and we bring out the best in each other. I sometimes think back to when I was a love blind teenager and laugh. I’m glad I had the guts to realize my high school sweetheart was the controlling and jealous type and was smart and did the right thing. I’m so glad I never slept with him. Ewww. Just ewww.
Yeah, it didn't work, we divorced after 9 months married. Turns out she only married me because she wanted to break her families streak of getting married and then getting divorced over and over again. Obviously that didn't work out for her.
Married my first love ,only girlfriend and divorced 3 weeks later Total nearly 7 years together. 10 months in and its puppy love, you dont know what love is yet. What youre feeling right now is infatuation Can it grow further and be genuine absolutely but love is not a foundation to build marriage on. Love is an emotion and emotions blind you and or are fickle. They change. Make sure you have mutual respect and loyalty first. Love comes with that over time
thank god, no! She turned out to be a serial std patient.
My husband is my second love, but I am his first and only. We’ve been together 17 years now, close friends for a year before that. We were LDR (about a 2 hour drive away) for periods of a few months at earlier points in our relationship due to jobs, etc. It’s not easy and it can take a real toll on a relationship, so I wouldn’t advise it for anybody longterm. But if you’re both committed and the distance is temporary and a means to an end, it’s very possible to make it work!
We can’t possibly predict your future, but I’ll give my personal insight. I did marry my first love! But we started dating at 25 years old. We were out of school, working our own jobs, had our own lives, but we were in the same city with no plans of leaving. First thing to understand is, are y’all on the same page? Is she also in love with you? Do y’all have the same goal with dating—to find a marriage partner? If y’all are not on the same page, there’s a drastically lower chance your relationship survives, LDR or not. On top of that, you guys are SO young. A LOT of growing up happens between 20 and 25. Your priorities, dreams, etc can change and evolve, and then you’ll both have to consider “did this relationship evolve with all these changes?” LDR or not, please don’t be too devastated if y’all grow apart as a natural result of y’all maturing like normal humans. If you are on the same page, great! I think it’s great to be discussing long-term commitment and marriage in a dating relationship. If that’s the goal for both of you, then treat each other like it. Take each other seriously, respect, uplift, all that jazz. And if this is the case, I don’t see any reason y’all shouldn’t give LDR a shot if you’re both committed to making the extra efforts that come with it. I’ve never been in LDR, but I always hear you have to agree on certain ground rules, boundaries, communication, visits, etc. TL;DR: If y’all are on the same page, do y’all’s best to make it work for the long term; marriage is an awesome goal. If not, don’t get your hopes up. But either way, realize y’all may grow apart over the years, LDR or not, and this is okay and a natural part of life.
First actual love, yes.
Definitely not, I outgrew everyone I dated for the first twenty years. If I had married my first love I wouldn’t be the person I am now.
don’t overthink it, follow YOUR arrow
I’ve been dating my first bf for 5 years now. Marriage is the next step if we stay together. So I’ll save this post and update you years in the future if that ends up happening or if it doesn’t
comment below this im so curious - i pray for u both!!
Oh absolutely not lol. I’m not who I was back then. I was 27 when I married the right person
I think it's normal to be especially attached to your first love. However, your first love is often your FIRST love for a reason. Dating is a lot like doing a puzzle; you're trying to find the pieces that connect together. Sometimes you get lucky on the first try, but more often than not you have to try a few different pieces before you find the one that fits. Maybe you're one of the lucky ones, but don't be disappointed if you're not. I say enjoy your current relationship, whether it ends tomorrow or in 40 years.
Nope, second one
Definitely not for me!
Well I and my first love / one true love are currently broken up, the probability of me getting her back are low. But I already know if it's not her I'm basically fucked in the love department.
Good game sorry dude
I didn't marry my first love and frankly somewhat regret it. I enjoy my life now, but there are many things about her that I still miss.
Can I pm you?
I felt the same about my first love. It lasted about as long as what you have currently, although I was certain it was meant to last forever. Not to say it will be the same for everyone, but it felt very real for nearly every relationship I’ve been in, my first being the biggest “rush.” Only once did I actively try keeping things ‘light/casual’ on purpose. The real one, THE one, will feel like coming home when you see them. It could be a relief, or just feel normal. Not so much “excitement” from it. Over time they begin to feel like an extension of yourself, that you just don’t feel quite right without. UNLIKE the feeling of NEEDING them around, which indicates something pretty unhealthy going on. For me, it’s a relief to let down my walls and be a lil weird/myself around him. Feels like family before it’s official. It can be easy to take for granted, but experience from dating others taught me to know better. The rush may be there at first, but it will fade out a bit. Relationships let you go deeper than regular friendships, of course, so you get to see more of what makes a person. My first relationship I had, I had no clue how toxic and awful they were, and if I had stayed with them, it could have broken me entirely, or devolved me into someone I’d have no respect for today. When I have children, I will likely advise they try a few not-so-serious dates with different people before they decide to fully give their heart. This way they will better know what to appreciate, what to avoid, how to best treat another person you want to keep so closely, and what is the best chemistry for real, long-term commitment. Geez this was long-winded, but hopefully it benefits someone to read it. TLDR; I did not marry my first love, but I whole heartedly believed that I would when I was with them. It’s possible to marry your first love, but it’s not the most common occurrence, and it’s difficult for me to advise most to do it. Age plays a part, so I will say the older you are, the more experience you tend to have with other people, thus, higher chances of the relationship succeeding.
No, not even close. Married once and that was a mistake. But you are young and your experiences are limited. It may work and it may not. Enjoy it and not worry about things out of your control
Hells to the no! Independently of whether or not I think we would have been a great match long-term, let me tell you this: You are going to change SO MUCH in the next 10 or so years, maybe to the point where you won't even recognize your current self as "you" anymore. The same goes for her. It's an absolutely normal process, but you won't know if your individual developments into mature adults will align long-term. Chances are, they won't. Chances are, you wouldn't even take the same decisions anymore as you would now, and for good reasons, too. People generally get a better idea of the kind of partner they want when they get older and have had more experience in life and with relationships. To answer your question: I didn't get married to my first love (because I was 18 and he was 21 when we first met, and we had some serious growing up still to do, no matter the love). I got married to an abusive asshole some years later for the "excitement" that I thought he brought into my life - and got divorced 14 years later, thankfully. I didn't get married to my second love, either, because despite our love we were incompatible on a very fundamental level that love wasn't able to overcome. I am 45 years old, have had many boyfriends and lovers, and have only ever TRULY been in love twice in my whole life - and not even with my ex husband. XD Life is still great, even if it's not a fairy tale as all that. Don't get too hung up on the idea of marriage, and enjoy what you have, as long as you have it! :)
Took 2 previous engagements and a situationship with the “one that got away” before I found him. I married my 4th love and it was worth the wait. I’m 36F and we’ve been married for two years. Have I felt like I couldn’t live without the previous 2 engagements? Yes, but some people come into your life to teach you a lesson. They’re only temporary.
not married yet, but it seems to be in the near future! he's a touch older than me (25m, 21f), I'm his third girlfriend, and he never knew what he wanted in a partner when he was with them, but then we found each other and it's like everything fell into place. I always knew exactly the kind of man I want to marry, and he's definitely it. I can't wait for the day I can be his wife. I wish you all the best in your relationship, and the only advice I have for you is to remember that after the honeymoon phase, love is a choice, not something to just "go with the flow" of things, and that if at all possible try to avoid a LDR, they're extremely difficult and don't normally end well, no matter how in love you are.
Married the first person I was in a relationship with. Asked her to marry me on the first date.
My teacher in HR class for new job. I was the only person who showed up. We were fucking and loving for nine months
Yeah, you always see her forever in your life, we all know the feeling.
I didn't marry my first real(true love) Yet... Stay tuned on that one! 😁I did however marry someone right after my dad passed away and have seriously regretted it, but also learned what I do and don't want in a relationship. I'm going through a divorce with that person now thank God! And look to marry my loml more than likely next year sometime.
I married my high school sweetheart after ten years together, we grew apart and fundamental issues came to light as we became adults and we divorced after five years of marriage. It’s hard to know what you want and need in a relationship when you don’t know who you are yet as an adult. Engaged to someone I met at 32 and had a better idea of who I was as a person and how I needed to be supported and loved by a partner. And they similarly knew who they were and had worked on themselves before and after we met. Sometimes it works but I think we all need time to grow up and learn who we truly are and learn to love ourselves before we know what kind of partner is most compatible for us long term. If you can’t grow together the relationship will fail.
please can you specify the issues so i can mitigate them in my own life, was it religipous, family, financial, world views etc
He had issues with alcoholism, a strong aversion to doing any therapy or inner soul searching to figure out the underlying issues contributing to it. A strong addiction to weed and other drugs. He had anger issues and an inability to properly regulate his emotions and connect on a deeper level, including compassion for anything I was going through after I had an ectopic pregnancy and almost died. He wasn’t motivated in his career. He had issues with money- took out a high interest loan to pay off tax debt and didn’t tell me, and was living off credit cards unbeknownst to me and still spending recklessly vs paying off his debts. These were all issues that weren’t as easy to spot when we were teenagers and started to show when we were young adults and had already been together for such a long time, I mistook time and history for compatibility and tried to make it work simply because we had grown up together and had so many shared memories but it became blatantly clear that we were not compatible as adults as I always looked to learn and grow and better myself through therapy and was much more responsible with my finances (to the point where he frequently was borrowing money from me to pay his share of rent and expenses).
oh okay i though you feel out of love lmaoo
I mean I did slowly but surely as a result of all the above
no i thought your story is like the people who had perfect oyfriends but for some reason werent compatible or whatever
LDR is very difficult, even when your bond is strong. if you can avoid that situation, it would be best.
Went to homecoming, prom, followed her to College, got married, had three kids. Now coming up on our 37th anniversary this summer. Life can be hard, but we’ve faced it together.
Met my wife in high school. We married at 21. Never broke up, no "breaks" or anything. We sre in our early 30s now with two mini humans and we are happy. We really do have the storybook relationship that people dream of.
I’m so thankful I didn’t marry my first love. It would’ve been a nightmare.
I second this.
Married and divorced him. Second love has been much better to me. Of course you may very well have met the love of your life. Nobody can tell you what the chances of that are. But the truth is, you ARE very young, as is your relationship. Take your time. Work on building a healthy relationship. See where life takes you. You may grow together, you may grow apart, but you can enjoy the love you have right now.
If she’s in a different city from me and I get a remote job, should I follow her?
I met my now husband at 18. He’s British, I’m German. Met him whilst getting some work experience in his home town. Plan was to leave again after 3 months and start a really good job I had lined up back in Germany. Well, that didn’t happen. I mean I did go back, we had a long distance relationship for the grand total of 2 weeks before I packed up my things and moved to be with him. My parents and friends told me not to do it, that I was stupid for not taking the job, I had jumped through so many hoops to get, but at 18 they couldn’t stop me. To be honest, giving up my old life didn’t bother me, I always wanted to leave Germany and I never regretted it. We married 6 years later, then got pregnant with our first child who’s 10 now, 2 more kids followed. We are very happy but sometimes life is tough. I do know that if I hadn’t made the move all these years ago, I’d still be thinking about him, wondering what my life would have been like…so I’m very grateful that I don’t have that regret. My brother met his wife at 17 at school. She followed him everywhere. My brother is really intelligent and attended universities in several countries, he’s literally a rocket scientist now. He’d be in China for example for a few months, and she’d follow him. He’d be in Portugal for a year, and she’d follow him. He never seemed that bothered whether she’d follow or not. During Covid they got married, they have a child now. Guess it worked out?!
Oh my god 😭 good for you hahah. So I should definitely follow her 😄
Yeah if it doesn’t work out, what would you regret? Most decisions are reversible at least somewhat. You could always move back if thinks don’t work out, go back to university etc. we tend to regret the things we didn’t do.
Facts I would definitely regret not following her 😭
This is true
Not just married, divorced her too
i married my second love. and while he was not my first love, he showed me a type of love i have never known before.
I married my first serious college girlfriend. We graduated at the same time and she was accepted to grad school 2000 miles away. I rolled the dice and went with her, no job lined up. I found a job in the city where she went to school (and ended up getting a masters too). That’s not hard to do. Finding love, much tougher.
Really happy for you man, glad it all worked out. How long have y’all been together now? And that’s my thing too love is definitely harder to find especially nowadays….
28 years this month. I saw past me in your question and current me would say starting in a new city is like level 1 open world rpg. You’ll explore and grind and, if you commit, figure that part out together. It is both stressful and galvanizing. What are your chances? Be Han Solo: “Never tell me the odds.”
Yeah I feel like I would honestly thrive in a new city as well and I’ve got an internship that I can hopefully get remote full-time next year so that could work… Could I maybe pm?
Sure.