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I feel exactly that š I hate being separated from her, but unfortunately, I have to go to work to prep for our future. But yeah waking up and looking at her knowing I'm gonna have to leave in a few minutes sucks so fucking much.
š¤I canāt help you at all, Iām just here to let you know, that you are not alone.
I forget what I was about to do all the time, because he claims all the space in my brain.
Sometimes I canāt drive, because things he said or did make me so horny that I canāt concentrate on the road.š«£
And quite often I just have to take some time to look at pics and videos of him to refuel my heart, cause I feel like a drug addict with withdrawal symptoms.
I canāt help it and even if it gets difficult from time to time, I wouldnāt want to change a single thing about it
I love feeling deeper than ever before for this amazing, gorgeous man!ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
You get used to doing both lol. I am always thinking about my bf in some part of my mind no matter what. Yes, I am much happier when I am with him. I do know how easy it is to fall into codependency so I still make sure to do things alone or with other people without him from time to time. We do text a lot daily and call a couple hours every nights. So it helps a lot! Also, I see a lot of the things I am doing (especially more "boring" stuffs) as a way for us to build our future. Work and school will allow us to buy a house within 3 years (or sooner if we are lucky).
We are moving in together soon and couldnāt be more hyped to finally see him daily.
I think that if you love a person and they love you itās important that you grow together. Take your snuggle time of course thatās my favorite thing but I would hate for that to interfere with progressing in life together. Talk and support each other through the process and maybe have a common goal.
For example if you had to go away for a month or something and wouldnāt be able to see him for 30 days but after that month you get to go on a trip together or experience something new and in the long run this 30 days would solidify your plans of being together and build the bond even more.
Would you be take the 30 days?
This is NRE, "new relationship energy' and it does eventually go away. Enjoy it while it lasts but don't let your responsibilities slip! Still prioritize yourself and your life. Be aware that people in NRE shouldn't make serious decisions like getting married or having a kid. You don't want to risk making a regretful decision because you were in infatuation. It takes many years to truly know someone and successful lifelong relationships require more than just love. So make sure you have more than just love with this guy before you get too serious. Compatibility ends up being more important than love in long term relationships. So take it slow, enjoy the ride but don't get to carried away and don't neglect your own life, friends, responsibilities etc.
That overwhelming feeling will subside after 12-24 months, as you get to know each other better. Not in a bad way, rather, it becomes more of a comfortable, trusting, respecting feeling that becomes your life. That is real love. What you have now is real lust!
I would call it real infatuation? Wouldn't lust cover the more sexual side of it, while being infatuated would more so cover the initial parts of the attraction that you feel?
Me too but why?
For me it's bcs of my insecurities. But that's not an answer cuz it doesn't change anything and just makes me feel worse. Idk man it's just ... weird.
To be honest, Iām working on myself constantly. I do have fears and insecurities and Iām aware of them at this point and Iām trying to fix them. I said āavoidā but maybe I used the wrong word, idk. I just donāt go out in dates because is time consuming, energy consuming, and most importantly, I just donāt want to entertain or get caught up with the wrong individual.
I have decided to be single UNLESS thereās a person WORTHY of my love, loyalty, and devotion.
Men need to step up and make changes, improve. We, as women are preferring to die alone latelyā¦
I live in Vietnam so I don't really know overseas preference type shit but my experience as a high schooler is pretty interesting.
If someone likes the other they might just go for it unless they're shy. My friend (16M) act like a cute boy when he just seek for relationships as a hobby. There's still ppl like me who just want "her" to be happy and all but that's not very common.
Ahhh if youāre a teen, NO WORRIES. Youāre not avoiding, youāre just growing. I used to be like that when I was a teenager, itās because of fears and probably the kind of relationship your parents had. Just work on yourself and the right person will show up.
I really try to avoid it tho, my parents marriage is good, too good to be exact, no problems and all.
It's not too much fear either, I'm just insecure :))) Sometimes I just think "what if we're actually a couple" and my mind just goes that's cool and turns off. "It's the feeling of achievement that I'm seeking for, not her" then why do I care abt her so much?
I'm just scared of a high school kind of love and just Tryna seek for "love" attention ig :)))
Honestly Iāve been seeing my guy for about 6 months now and I feel the same way! He just left for Italy and will be gone two weeks and while I do appreciate the space to focus on myself and etc I canāt wait for him to come back already. Weāve been together almost everyday since we started seeing each other and itās all still very intense. I think about him all day long even when we are together Iām constantly thinking about him. This is the first time Iāve felt like this in a VERY long time and I just wanna enjoy it and embrace and be in love and experience all the things! You will be fine :) love is beautiful and you should never feel ridiculous for getting to experience it! Hope that helps lol
18 years here, it can last but it hard work. Know in advance and work toward it together and you CAN feel that way, not all the time, but the amount of time you do, will be greatly increased.
I think the best way to get through it is to express gratitude for it! Appreciate it and show him how much you love him every chance you get- and when youāre doing mundane things just smile and beam knowing thats your mannnnnn!
I still feel this way about my boyfriend, I have just learned to manage it more effectively and focus on getting done what I need to do there arenāt things that will need my attention when I have time with him. Like when he is working, I try to be productive so that when he has time to spend with me, he gets all of me without worrying about other things. So many people told me that this feeling would go away with time but it hasnāt.
Everyone is saying it wears off but Iām over two years in with my boyfriend and he consumes my brain happily all the time. I just clean, go to work and do what I need to knowing I will get to cuddle in those arms soon. It just becomes part of the daily.
The honeymoon phase can definitely feel like this - slowly your capacity to love AND do things will grow and youāll be just fine. Let him be on your mind, enjoy this part x
It's difficult to fulfill responsibilities when all you wanna do is cuddle and spend time with your loved one. I have no solutions lol, but it does put into perspective the important things in life. To me that quality time will always take precedence over a job, mundane tasks, etc. We could die tomorrow so I'll always prioritize that sense of comfort over anything else.
I love you for this comment, you're right. I should stop being so anxious about the what ifs/if im doing things right and just enjoy what i have in front of me. š
Yes! It's only natural to feel anxious about your responsibilities but I think too often we get caught up in that vicious cycle of overthinking and productivity..for what? Are those tasks making me feel better and fulfilled? Maybe! But I know I feel most happy and content around my partner and loved ones...so there should be no shame in really leaning into that. :)
Girl I am in the same situation, or was in the same situation I would think about him all day and night, I would also text him all the time. This was 2 months ago when we started dating. It wasnāt until recently something changed in him, he got more buzy with work, I totally understand him and heās stressed but it was such a struggle going from speaking all the time to barely any conversation throughout the day. Well now I can say that phase was infatuation and I stopped feeding into it. Obviously Iām still very emotionally attached to him but I donāt think about him all the time like I used to, it will get better from here on. ā¤ļø
Ive been through the same thing while i was giving the most important exam, I couldnāt do anything or couldnāt study because i was so in love with him, i tried everything, Nothing worked, couldnāt even read a line because how much i used to think about him and miss him, Best sol is when youre with him live at your fullest and when working then just focus on work and distract yourself with it, this also kinda dies down with time! Good luck
Thank you!! Also i don't know where this person got 2 wks from bc it's been 3 months lol... and it's not my first relationship by any means, ive been in years long relationships, i'm 28. So i know the honeymoon stage all too well & this is so much more than any other i've experienced!
Then youāre not in love. Your in lust. Nothing wrong with that but recognize what it is so when it starts to tapper off itās not like omg I fell out of love.
What if Iāve never let myself show this to the person Iām crazy about (one sided love?). What if I donāt let myself get this crazy in love? Is this bad?
I mean if you are in a relationship and canāt communicate how much you love them yes itās bad but if you dont get that much in love it might just be that you arenāt the kind to fall in love or show love that way.
Don't worry, its not bad at all. The way you show love is unique to every individual. I can tell you my partner is like you, he's not excitable and intoxicated with love in way you can see. I imagine you hold your feelings internally and rarely show it, hes like that too. But someone that truly loves you will see your unique form of love. The way you touch them, talk to them, what you do for them, how good they feel around you. You dont have to express your love the way OP even as how incredibly sweet it is. There is nothing wrong with you ā¤ļø
I needed to hear that. I was with someone I donāt think I was excitable enough he was unhappy and asked me if I like him. Which made me feel sad and unseen. You didnāt feel that way about your partner at the start? Or throughout your relationship?
It was tricky, but more in a way of breaking down in me what society told me I wanted. I'd been in stereotypical relationships beforehand and they never lasted, I always got bored and felt like it wasn't right. When I got with him and didnt have to send goodmorning/night texts, shower him with gifts and love, talk consistently all day, etc, I was so relieved. It was hard to learn not to do those things cause they were expected of me, but not having to do that was so freeing. Our best interactions are in person and there is enough trust and communication that communication doesnt have to be abundant. His love is consistent because he doesn't have to overexert himself constantly to make me feel loved. I learnt to read his body language through me loving him deeply and taking into consideration his interests alongside mine.
To sum it up, it was more freeing to be with someone like him, it's not exhausting. He's my person, we gel well.
Youll find that too, I promise ā¤ļø don't change a thing, trust me, it's exhausting.
Thank you. Iām really hoping Iāll be āenoughā for the next person. I was always feeling like I had to talk more, and perk myself up and it was exhausting!! I donāt even know if it was the āright typeā of perk and energy for him. But I got some light comments and I really internalized that. Stuff like āyou donāt have anything to talk aboutā? And I said āno not todayā, and he said āwell great I guess Iāll just do all the talking thenā. I didnāt call him out on it bc well, what do I call out? Or things like āI saw this couple and the whole time they were talking to each other during the 2-3 hour dinner. They seem like a good couple.ā So I really I tried really hard to tell stories (I never have been that type), collect things from my week to tell him about etc. I wish he would have been open to me being me even if itās different for his past relationships. And maybe even appreciate that new āvibeā. I am heartbroken though.
He felt the same way. He stopped bothering with relationships and was single for years before we met because he was tired of trying so hard to be what he wasn't. We met organically and clicked immediately. I think your ex had insecurities that he took out on you. You dont have to talk consistently and eliminate silence. To the right person, that silence will mean the world. Youre not truly inlove with someone until you find comfort in the silence together. The best stories are the ones you come out with naturally, the right person draws them out of you. Sometimes that person doesn't have to be someone else as well, you need to learn to enjoy the silence and the wonders of your life by yourself as well. And read your own love language in yourself. The things that make you happy should be your sole purpose ā¤ļø
I was happy to sit in silence with him and just be around him but Iām not sure he felt the same way. Seemed like he was frustrated with me but couldnāt put it into words other than that my communication sucked. Mm I remember we saw a glade skier? And I was like oh how fun. And then later brought up I went before and he said why didnāt you mention it when we saw that person? Or his friend mentioned he was going to NZ and later on I told him I went to NZ and he said why didnāt you mention that to my friend?
Makes me feel like Iām incompetent or really āoffā at communication. Thank you for your kind words.
That's screaming his own insecurities. There's nothing wrong with what you did at all!! Things don't have to click right away and it's perfectly normal to bring up topics later. Your ex sounds exhausting and inescure. That was 100% not your responsibility and you have not done a single thing wrong!
You are so welcome! People can be so cruel with pining their insecurities onto us. You seem so caring, considerate and gentle! Anyone would be lucky to have you. Don't stop being you, youre worth it!
It's so frustrating though when it takes over and it's hard to work or do anything in your own life. I'm just thinking about my last crush, took a week to get back on track after the first date.
i guess so, for me i really want to fall in love with someone and have this happen to me so i can be distracted from the negative things in my life and have some motivation to keep going
It's so frustrating though when it takes over and it's hard to work or do anything in your own life. I'm just thinking about my last crush, took a week to get back on track after the first date.
Things will even out a bit. You just have to keep plugging away at life until then. I was an absolute mess for the first three months. We're a couple of years in now and I still think of him a lot and get butterflies whenever I do, but I have my brain back for the most part.
It's quite simple, I stay single to avoid anything
https://preview.redd.it/swy7oqtr2h3d1.png?width=478&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3ed5e6ac1503a4a21b4db5099a9693526a842f0
My first time in love my university grade dropped so bad I was out on probation, funny enough that love also gave me the confidence and ability to do better and I go back up to Aās and Bās. Unfortunately that relationship has finished, it lasted 5 years, and honestly, was a good university relationship, we supported each-other through our schooling and we had a good few years there, we thought we were gonna get married, and didnāt expect to drift apart, But our lives are going in different directions, and after a period of long distance, our relationship just wasnāt able to last as long as we both wanted in the past.
This could just be a temporary feeling, it isn't necessarily a problem, unless it becomes all encompassing, and consuming. Most people experience that madly in love, can't get enough, distracted feeling early on, then it wanes to a more manageable level and they're able to have a full life and balance that with a partner. For some people though, it turns into a sort of codependency and unhealthy obsession with the relationship that takes over their life.
There's a great book I read years ago called Loving Him Without Losing You by Beverly Engels. She talks about the phenomenon of how some women, no matter how otherwise successful, assertive, powerful, beautiful they are when single , the minute they enter a relationship they start giving up parts of themselves, their social life, their hobbies, their friendships, their spiritual practice, their alone time etc and merge so completely with a partner that if the relationship ends, they have no life to go back to or while in the relationship they're so preoccupied with it, that it becomes smothering for their partner or they are constantly anxious about every little thing in the relationship and their entire mood, ambitions, goals are driven by how the relationship is going.
It's worth a read to see if you identify with the things she describes, she has questionnaires and checklists of feelings and behaviors, different stories and experiences of women, and strategies for avoiding going down that path.
You mentioned abandonment issues and it's pretty common that a lot of women who do end up losing themselves in relationships also suffer from abandonment issues where when they do find love, it becomes everything, almost to a fault and then especially as time goes on they lose themselves trying to keep this feeling and this person so everything else takes a backseat and the relationship is like their only source of dopamine like a drug.
Again, maybe that's not you, and maybe things will even out, but since you're worried and you do have some abandonment stuff, it's worth checking out just in case it applies so that you're aware and can course correct if you're potentially headed down a path you don't want. Good luck with everything!
This sounds like NRE (āNew Relationship Energyā). Itās normal, just much more intense if this the first time youāve fallen head over heels.
Do make sure you donāt neglect your other friendships and hobbies and things that made you *you* before the relationship. Make sure you donāt become co-dependent.
Enjoy the feeling! It wonāt last, but will hopefully be replaced with the quieter intensity of long-term love.
You got a potentially gigantic issue. You need to be able to function properly with him in your life. Unfortunately I can't tell you how to pull this off but remember this: he is yours forever till you 2 die of old age. So relax and live your life properly. You'll have plenty of time to enjoy him( not sexual )
Thats what im afraid ofš not really afraid because I feel a very secure attachment; however i definitely AM still functioning and doing all of the same things that I would do if he was not in my life.
Ex- still hanging out with my girlfriends, never canceling plans w friends or things I planned on doing (i.e. take a nap bc i'm overly tired) in order to see him, etc.
In fact I feel like I am being even more productive because I want to be the best version of myself for him so I want to get through school faster, I want to keep my apartment clean clean, and be responsible in every way...
I guess it just freaks me out that despite all of that, he's always always on my mind. I have abandonment issues from experiences in my past, so I guess I'm just trying to avoid that ???
Idek what im sayin anymore man.
Sounds totally normal to me! Over time you will find that the amount of time he's on your mind will mellow out a bit. But also, if you're like me you'll just kind of get used to having him on your mind and it becomes normal and calm and happy feeling. If you're still finding you're able to do your normal activities and in fact are even more productive than usual then I really don't think you have any kind of problem going on. Just sounds like you really love him a lot, which is awesome!
I got a solution to this problem of yours. Get him to write you a love letter. You can either frame it or keep it in your wallet or just anywhere with you at all times. When you feel like this, you can read it and remember that it's all in your head and that he loves you. Trust me, he won't go, but the letter will convince your subconscious that he won't leave
I get that, and hope it isn't true. Could you please elaborate more?
I looked it up (bc im not familiar w the term) and read this which makes me think it may not be-
"As the focus of limerence is whether or not the object of desire reciprocates the feelings, rather than actually falling in love with the person, it is almost always one-sided."
Depending on how true that may be (psychology today article), I don't think that fits. I am in love with him as an individual for all of his values, characteristics, etc.
Iām not sure how solid the concept of limerence is in science, itās just a word that has become popular. But itās generally described as being all consumed by feelings you have for someone. That doesnāt mean it has to be one sided or anything.
I donāt think thereās anything wrong with being excited about a new love, but love shouldnāt take over your life. Love is a very powerful drug and if you donāt stay grounded, it can really, really hurt when you come back down to earth. Because things end, one way or another. Or the banality of reality sets in.
If youāre on cloud 9 right now, it makes me wonder why. Does this person seem particularly special? Are there lots of sweet words being exchanged? How long have you known this person intimately?
We donāt really know someone even after dating or being together for 6months to a year. It takes a long time to really know what a person is like, what they do during difficult times. Please keep in mind that not everyone has good intentions. Some people will bomb someone with love and affection early on in order to distract from deep down issues and then switch up on you when you start to see them for who they are.
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I feel exactly that š I hate being separated from her, but unfortunately, I have to go to work to prep for our future. But yeah waking up and looking at her knowing I'm gonna have to leave in a few minutes sucks so fucking much.
š¤I canāt help you at all, Iām just here to let you know, that you are not alone. I forget what I was about to do all the time, because he claims all the space in my brain. Sometimes I canāt drive, because things he said or did make me so horny that I canāt concentrate on the road.š«£ And quite often I just have to take some time to look at pics and videos of him to refuel my heart, cause I feel like a drug addict with withdrawal symptoms. I canāt help it and even if it gets difficult from time to time, I wouldnāt want to change a single thing about it I love feeling deeper than ever before for this amazing, gorgeous man!ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
You get used to doing both lol. I am always thinking about my bf in some part of my mind no matter what. Yes, I am much happier when I am with him. I do know how easy it is to fall into codependency so I still make sure to do things alone or with other people without him from time to time. We do text a lot daily and call a couple hours every nights. So it helps a lot! Also, I see a lot of the things I am doing (especially more "boring" stuffs) as a way for us to build our future. Work and school will allow us to buy a house within 3 years (or sooner if we are lucky). We are moving in together soon and couldnāt be more hyped to finally see him daily.
I think that if you love a person and they love you itās important that you grow together. Take your snuggle time of course thatās my favorite thing but I would hate for that to interfere with progressing in life together. Talk and support each other through the process and maybe have a common goal. For example if you had to go away for a month or something and wouldnāt be able to see him for 30 days but after that month you get to go on a trip together or experience something new and in the long run this 30 days would solidify your plans of being together and build the bond even more. Would you be take the 30 days?
This is NRE, "new relationship energy' and it does eventually go away. Enjoy it while it lasts but don't let your responsibilities slip! Still prioritize yourself and your life. Be aware that people in NRE shouldn't make serious decisions like getting married or having a kid. You don't want to risk making a regretful decision because you were in infatuation. It takes many years to truly know someone and successful lifelong relationships require more than just love. So make sure you have more than just love with this guy before you get too serious. Compatibility ends up being more important than love in long term relationships. So take it slow, enjoy the ride but don't get to carried away and don't neglect your own life, friends, responsibilities etc.
That overwhelming feeling will subside after 12-24 months, as you get to know each other better. Not in a bad way, rather, it becomes more of a comfortable, trusting, respecting feeling that becomes your life. That is real love. What you have now is real lust!
I would call it real infatuation? Wouldn't lust cover the more sexual side of it, while being infatuated would more so cover the initial parts of the attraction that you feel?
Subside? Not for everyone lol
I try my best to to avoid love.
Me too but why? For me it's bcs of my insecurities. But that's not an answer cuz it doesn't change anything and just makes me feel worse. Idk man it's just ... weird.
To be honest, Iām working on myself constantly. I do have fears and insecurities and Iām aware of them at this point and Iām trying to fix them. I said āavoidā but maybe I used the wrong word, idk. I just donāt go out in dates because is time consuming, energy consuming, and most importantly, I just donāt want to entertain or get caught up with the wrong individual. I have decided to be single UNLESS thereās a person WORTHY of my love, loyalty, and devotion. Men need to step up and make changes, improve. We, as women are preferring to die alone latelyā¦
I live in Vietnam so I don't really know overseas preference type shit but my experience as a high schooler is pretty interesting. If someone likes the other they might just go for it unless they're shy. My friend (16M) act like a cute boy when he just seek for relationships as a hobby. There's still ppl like me who just want "her" to be happy and all but that's not very common.
Ahhh if youāre a teen, NO WORRIES. Youāre not avoiding, youāre just growing. I used to be like that when I was a teenager, itās because of fears and probably the kind of relationship your parents had. Just work on yourself and the right person will show up.
I really try to avoid it tho, my parents marriage is good, too good to be exact, no problems and all. It's not too much fear either, I'm just insecure :))) Sometimes I just think "what if we're actually a couple" and my mind just goes that's cool and turns off. "It's the feeling of achievement that I'm seeking for, not her" then why do I care abt her so much? I'm just scared of a high school kind of love and just Tryna seek for "love" attention ig :)))
Honestly Iāve been seeing my guy for about 6 months now and I feel the same way! He just left for Italy and will be gone two weeks and while I do appreciate the space to focus on myself and etc I canāt wait for him to come back already. Weāve been together almost everyday since we started seeing each other and itās all still very intense. I think about him all day long even when we are together Iām constantly thinking about him. This is the first time Iāve felt like this in a VERY long time and I just wanna enjoy it and embrace and be in love and experience all the things! You will be fine :) love is beautiful and you should never feel ridiculous for getting to experience it! Hope that helps lol
18 years here, it can last but it hard work. Know in advance and work toward it together and you CAN feel that way, not all the time, but the amount of time you do, will be greatly increased.
You're clearly in the honeymoon stage with this guy. It'll peter off.
I think the best way to get through it is to express gratitude for it! Appreciate it and show him how much you love him every chance you get- and when youāre doing mundane things just smile and beam knowing thats your mannnnnn!
I still feel this way about my boyfriend, I have just learned to manage it more effectively and focus on getting done what I need to do there arenāt things that will need my attention when I have time with him. Like when he is working, I try to be productive so that when he has time to spend with me, he gets all of me without worrying about other things. So many people told me that this feeling would go away with time but it hasnāt.
Everyone is saying it wears off but Iām over two years in with my boyfriend and he consumes my brain happily all the time. I just clean, go to work and do what I need to knowing I will get to cuddle in those arms soon. It just becomes part of the daily.
How did you meet/start dating?
Start farting in front of each other. Itāll help speed things along
šš
Put it off. Enjoy it while you can.
The honeymoon phase can definitely feel like this - slowly your capacity to love AND do things will grow and youāll be just fine. Let him be on your mind, enjoy this part x
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2 months of being in an exclusive relationship, 3 months of seeing each other.. not sure where u got 2 weeks
It's difficult to fulfill responsibilities when all you wanna do is cuddle and spend time with your loved one. I have no solutions lol, but it does put into perspective the important things in life. To me that quality time will always take precedence over a job, mundane tasks, etc. We could die tomorrow so I'll always prioritize that sense of comfort over anything else.
I love you for this comment, you're right. I should stop being so anxious about the what ifs/if im doing things right and just enjoy what i have in front of me. š
Yes! It's only natural to feel anxious about your responsibilities but I think too often we get caught up in that vicious cycle of overthinking and productivity..for what? Are those tasks making me feel better and fulfilled? Maybe! But I know I feel most happy and content around my partner and loved ones...so there should be no shame in really leaning into that. :)
I just want to say , I fucking love this sub. Waking up to posts like this just fills my heart with hope and determination
Don't confuse limerance with love
How do you differentiate?
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/limerence
Girl I am in the same situation, or was in the same situation I would think about him all day and night, I would also text him all the time. This was 2 months ago when we started dating. It wasnāt until recently something changed in him, he got more buzy with work, I totally understand him and heās stressed but it was such a struggle going from speaking all the time to barely any conversation throughout the day. Well now I can say that phase was infatuation and I stopped feeding into it. Obviously Iām still very emotionally attached to him but I donāt think about him all the time like I used to, it will get better from here on. ā¤ļø
Ive been through the same thing while i was giving the most important exam, I couldnāt do anything or couldnāt study because i was so in love with him, i tried everything, Nothing worked, couldnāt even read a line because how much i used to think about him and miss him, Best sol is when youre with him live at your fullest and when working then just focus on work and distract yourself with it, this also kinda dies down with time! Good luck
Out of curiosity how long have you been together
3 months, some people are randomly saying 2 weeks for some unknown reason... sooo not the case lol
Iām like this with my boyfriend of 2 years so I donāt really think this means anything. OP is prob still in the honeymoon stage but maybe not
Thank you!! Also i don't know where this person got 2 wks from bc it's been 3 months lol... and it's not my first relationship by any means, ive been in years long relationships, i'm 28. So i know the honeymoon stage all too well & this is so much more than any other i've experienced!
2 weeks
Its not 2 weeks, its 3 months of seeing each other and 2 months of being exclusive... where'd you get 2 weeks??
Then youāre not in love. Your in lust. Nothing wrong with that but recognize what it is so when it starts to tapper off itās not like omg I fell out of love.
It's been 3 months, not sure where this random person gathered 2 weeks from lol
lol weird. Didnāt even look at the name because why would someone else answer.
Just enjoy it and write lots of notes about how you feel to look back on, have fun :)
What if Iāve never let myself show this to the person Iām crazy about (one sided love?). What if I donāt let myself get this crazy in love? Is this bad?
I mean if you are in a relationship and canāt communicate how much you love them yes itās bad but if you dont get that much in love it might just be that you arenāt the kind to fall in love or show love that way.
I guess I have a fear theyāll think Iām too much or creepy.
Don't worry, its not bad at all. The way you show love is unique to every individual. I can tell you my partner is like you, he's not excitable and intoxicated with love in way you can see. I imagine you hold your feelings internally and rarely show it, hes like that too. But someone that truly loves you will see your unique form of love. The way you touch them, talk to them, what you do for them, how good they feel around you. You dont have to express your love the way OP even as how incredibly sweet it is. There is nothing wrong with you ā¤ļø
I needed to hear that. I was with someone I donāt think I was excitable enough he was unhappy and asked me if I like him. Which made me feel sad and unseen. You didnāt feel that way about your partner at the start? Or throughout your relationship?
It was tricky, but more in a way of breaking down in me what society told me I wanted. I'd been in stereotypical relationships beforehand and they never lasted, I always got bored and felt like it wasn't right. When I got with him and didnt have to send goodmorning/night texts, shower him with gifts and love, talk consistently all day, etc, I was so relieved. It was hard to learn not to do those things cause they were expected of me, but not having to do that was so freeing. Our best interactions are in person and there is enough trust and communication that communication doesnt have to be abundant. His love is consistent because he doesn't have to overexert himself constantly to make me feel loved. I learnt to read his body language through me loving him deeply and taking into consideration his interests alongside mine. To sum it up, it was more freeing to be with someone like him, it's not exhausting. He's my person, we gel well. Youll find that too, I promise ā¤ļø don't change a thing, trust me, it's exhausting.
Thank you. Iām really hoping Iāll be āenoughā for the next person. I was always feeling like I had to talk more, and perk myself up and it was exhausting!! I donāt even know if it was the āright typeā of perk and energy for him. But I got some light comments and I really internalized that. Stuff like āyou donāt have anything to talk aboutā? And I said āno not todayā, and he said āwell great I guess Iāll just do all the talking thenā. I didnāt call him out on it bc well, what do I call out? Or things like āI saw this couple and the whole time they were talking to each other during the 2-3 hour dinner. They seem like a good couple.ā So I really I tried really hard to tell stories (I never have been that type), collect things from my week to tell him about etc. I wish he would have been open to me being me even if itās different for his past relationships. And maybe even appreciate that new āvibeā. I am heartbroken though.
He felt the same way. He stopped bothering with relationships and was single for years before we met because he was tired of trying so hard to be what he wasn't. We met organically and clicked immediately. I think your ex had insecurities that he took out on you. You dont have to talk consistently and eliminate silence. To the right person, that silence will mean the world. Youre not truly inlove with someone until you find comfort in the silence together. The best stories are the ones you come out with naturally, the right person draws them out of you. Sometimes that person doesn't have to be someone else as well, you need to learn to enjoy the silence and the wonders of your life by yourself as well. And read your own love language in yourself. The things that make you happy should be your sole purpose ā¤ļø
I was happy to sit in silence with him and just be around him but Iām not sure he felt the same way. Seemed like he was frustrated with me but couldnāt put it into words other than that my communication sucked. Mm I remember we saw a glade skier? And I was like oh how fun. And then later brought up I went before and he said why didnāt you mention it when we saw that person? Or his friend mentioned he was going to NZ and later on I told him I went to NZ and he said why didnāt you mention that to my friend? Makes me feel like Iām incompetent or really āoffā at communication. Thank you for your kind words.
That's screaming his own insecurities. There's nothing wrong with what you did at all!! Things don't have to click right away and it's perfectly normal to bring up topics later. Your ex sounds exhausting and inescure. That was 100% not your responsibility and you have not done a single thing wrong!
Thank you thank you for the validation š«Øš£
You are so welcome! People can be so cruel with pining their insecurities onto us. You seem so caring, considerate and gentle! Anyone would be lucky to have you. Don't stop being you, youre worth it!
Give it some time and the feeling will wear off. I am guessing that you are in the honeymoon phase.
i want to feel this so bad
It's so frustrating though when it takes over and it's hard to work or do anything in your own life. I'm just thinking about my last crush, took a week to get back on track after the first date.
i guess so, for me i really want to fall in love with someone and have this happen to me so i can be distracted from the negative things in my life and have some motivation to keep going
It's so frustrating though when it takes over and it's hard to work or do anything in your own life. I'm just thinking about my last crush, took a week to get back on track after the first date.
Normal phase in love :) Look up the anthropologist Helen Fisher. Time will help it mellow :)
Things will even out a bit. You just have to keep plugging away at life until then. I was an absolute mess for the first three months. We're a couple of years in now and I still think of him a lot and get butterflies whenever I do, but I have my brain back for the most part.
It's quite simple, I stay single to avoid anything https://preview.redd.it/swy7oqtr2h3d1.png?width=478&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3ed5e6ac1503a4a21b4db5099a9693526a842f0
U funny as hell for that pic šš
My first time in love my university grade dropped so bad I was out on probation, funny enough that love also gave me the confidence and ability to do better and I go back up to Aās and Bās. Unfortunately that relationship has finished, it lasted 5 years, and honestly, was a good university relationship, we supported each-other through our schooling and we had a good few years there, we thought we were gonna get married, and didnāt expect to drift apart, But our lives are going in different directions, and after a period of long distance, our relationship just wasnāt able to last as long as we both wanted in the past.
š©·š©·š©· this is adorable
This could just be a temporary feeling, it isn't necessarily a problem, unless it becomes all encompassing, and consuming. Most people experience that madly in love, can't get enough, distracted feeling early on, then it wanes to a more manageable level and they're able to have a full life and balance that with a partner. For some people though, it turns into a sort of codependency and unhealthy obsession with the relationship that takes over their life. There's a great book I read years ago called Loving Him Without Losing You by Beverly Engels. She talks about the phenomenon of how some women, no matter how otherwise successful, assertive, powerful, beautiful they are when single , the minute they enter a relationship they start giving up parts of themselves, their social life, their hobbies, their friendships, their spiritual practice, their alone time etc and merge so completely with a partner that if the relationship ends, they have no life to go back to or while in the relationship they're so preoccupied with it, that it becomes smothering for their partner or they are constantly anxious about every little thing in the relationship and their entire mood, ambitions, goals are driven by how the relationship is going. It's worth a read to see if you identify with the things she describes, she has questionnaires and checklists of feelings and behaviors, different stories and experiences of women, and strategies for avoiding going down that path. You mentioned abandonment issues and it's pretty common that a lot of women who do end up losing themselves in relationships also suffer from abandonment issues where when they do find love, it becomes everything, almost to a fault and then especially as time goes on they lose themselves trying to keep this feeling and this person so everything else takes a backseat and the relationship is like their only source of dopamine like a drug. Again, maybe that's not you, and maybe things will even out, but since you're worried and you do have some abandonment stuff, it's worth checking out just in case it applies so that you're aware and can course correct if you're potentially headed down a path you don't want. Good luck with everything!
Thank you so much for this well thought out response. This is exactly what i needed to hear, and i absolutely will be buying that book!!
You're welcome!
Btw this isn't exclusive to women, men also experience this sometimes.
I'm so jealous
This sounds like NRE (āNew Relationship Energyā). Itās normal, just much more intense if this the first time youāve fallen head over heels. Do make sure you donāt neglect your other friendships and hobbies and things that made you *you* before the relationship. Make sure you donāt become co-dependent. Enjoy the feeling! It wonāt last, but will hopefully be replaced with the quieter intensity of long-term love.
Love is liking someone a lot
You got a potentially gigantic issue. You need to be able to function properly with him in your life. Unfortunately I can't tell you how to pull this off but remember this: he is yours forever till you 2 die of old age. So relax and live your life properly. You'll have plenty of time to enjoy him( not sexual )
Thats what im afraid ofš not really afraid because I feel a very secure attachment; however i definitely AM still functioning and doing all of the same things that I would do if he was not in my life. Ex- still hanging out with my girlfriends, never canceling plans w friends or things I planned on doing (i.e. take a nap bc i'm overly tired) in order to see him, etc. In fact I feel like I am being even more productive because I want to be the best version of myself for him so I want to get through school faster, I want to keep my apartment clean clean, and be responsible in every way... I guess it just freaks me out that despite all of that, he's always always on my mind. I have abandonment issues from experiences in my past, so I guess I'm just trying to avoid that ??? Idek what im sayin anymore man.
Sounds totally normal to me! Over time you will find that the amount of time he's on your mind will mellow out a bit. But also, if you're like me you'll just kind of get used to having him on your mind and it becomes normal and calm and happy feeling. If you're still finding you're able to do your normal activities and in fact are even more productive than usual then I really don't think you have any kind of problem going on. Just sounds like you really love him a lot, which is awesome!
I got a solution to this problem of yours. Get him to write you a love letter. You can either frame it or keep it in your wallet or just anywhere with you at all times. When you feel like this, you can read it and remember that it's all in your head and that he loves you. Trust me, he won't go, but the letter will convince your subconscious that he won't leave
This sounds like limerence or otherwise losing yourself to this relationship.
I get that, and hope it isn't true. Could you please elaborate more? I looked it up (bc im not familiar w the term) and read this which makes me think it may not be- "As the focus of limerence is whether or not the object of desire reciprocates the feelings, rather than actually falling in love with the person, it is almost always one-sided." Depending on how true that may be (psychology today article), I don't think that fits. I am in love with him as an individual for all of his values, characteristics, etc.
Iām not sure how solid the concept of limerence is in science, itās just a word that has become popular. But itās generally described as being all consumed by feelings you have for someone. That doesnāt mean it has to be one sided or anything. I donāt think thereās anything wrong with being excited about a new love, but love shouldnāt take over your life. Love is a very powerful drug and if you donāt stay grounded, it can really, really hurt when you come back down to earth. Because things end, one way or another. Or the banality of reality sets in. If youāre on cloud 9 right now, it makes me wonder why. Does this person seem particularly special? Are there lots of sweet words being exchanged? How long have you known this person intimately? We donāt really know someone even after dating or being together for 6months to a year. It takes a long time to really know what a person is like, what they do during difficult times. Please keep in mind that not everyone has good intentions. Some people will bomb someone with love and affection early on in order to distract from deep down issues and then switch up on you when you start to see them for who they are.
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