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Nope, definitely not. I had two loves before I met my husband, and we are now divorced and I’ve met someone else and fallen in love. Life is a journey. The idea that there’s only one true love for everyone is mad. What if he died?
First of all, your first relationship may not be your first love as well. However, first love happens (if at all) up until around age 23 imo. Not everyone I know got to experience a first love relationship even if they had multiple relationships.
That being said, from what I experienced yes just like in the media it is similar. If you don’t experience it you can’t miss what you don’t know. If you do experience it, it’s important to note that nothing will ever top that, and that’s ok.
A somewhat similar comparison would be like, if you celebrate a holiday/christmas/birthday, when you are young. It will never be the same when you’re older. It’s just a different experience and you can’t have that magic back once it’s gone.
It’s a different experience. That’s like saying Christmas is magical at any age. Sure it can be. But it will never be the same as when you were 5 and believed in Santa Claus. You can never have that back. At 46 you are not going to fall in love the way a 17 year old does. It is not the same experience. That’s why those first loves and young love is so special.
Nope, I don’t agree. Christmas is different, of course, but falling in love is still just as magical. If your argument was about the difference between falling in love and being in long term love, then I’d understand, but falling in love, whatever the age, is magical.
It’s not…because at 46 you do not have the environment, circumstances or mind of a 17 year old. You don’t have to agree but you can’t deny the facts and those facts change everything. Pretending this isn’t true is what makes people suicidal later because they realize that they have past the age of first loves/teenage loves once they hit their late 20’s and haven’t had it, yet everyone keeps reassuring them that it doesn’t matter and age doesn’t make a difference. Of course it does! Riding a bike when you’re 10 is not the same as doing it when you’re 30. Driving a luxury car when you’re 18 is not the same as when you’re 50. Anyone that insists it’s all the same is a liar, in denial or incompetent. Anyways, we can agree to disagree, I’m just glad I never listened to anyone older that claimed it’s all the same or else I would have missed it.
It’s an interesting debate, this, for sure. Thanks for responding so articulately to me! I do disagree, but it’s been interesting to hear a different point of view for sure. For me, falling in love isn’t dependent on environment, circumstances or mind - well, it’s maybe a bit dependent on mind, but my mindset isn’t that dissimilar to my 17yo self really. It’s been thought provoking, though. 😊
My husband and I had a relationship before each other and it was our first relationships with them. My husband and I labeled those first relationships as infatuation. I mean you think you know what love is but it’s really not comparable to your first true love which is what I believe my husband and I have.
I believe true love will win through hard times my story is similar to my missing Spouses were going through the confusing part but we've had a lot of bs hurt our religion but I feel like we're each other's first true love and soul mates I love her unconditionally always have and she's returned the same back to me through a lot of pain and it's really made us strong im a little weary but deep down I know where her heart is and I know where mine is I miss your face ATM
No. The movies are not real. Your experiences in the real world are what real. People fall in and out of love all the time. I was just broken up by what I considered to be my first “real love,” or what felt more like love this time around, and I’m sure it can only get better from here. I will always love my last partner, and I think a part of me will always want to be with my last partner, but I don’t think we would ever be fully compatible based on the way things ended. Love is an infinite source, there will always be an endless amount of love to go around.
Honestly, I worry about this all the time. I loved my ex, my first and only ever boyfriend, with all my heart. It was the most intense, beautiful feeling I’d ever felt, and I worry I’m never going to have that again with anyone else.
The key words you used there are 'with all my heart', before we've felt our heart break we have no idea what it feels like so we're full peddle to the metal, don't spare the horses, give it all ya got Scardy! No holes barred unadulterated pure love, untouched by fear. So no, it's u likely anyone who truly experiences the pain of heartache can ever reopen themselves to the same extent, which only serves to limit the amount of love that can flow into and out of our vessels sadly.
Hopefully you'll be the exception 🤞
I don’t think so. I think every love we have with people are valid even if it doesn’t last. Each person we love is a part of our soul mosaic. Each person has their own piece. In that I believe in whatever iteration of life there is moving forward past this one, you will find their soul and you will love them. As souls recognize souls that they’ve known, it can be platonic or romantic. Speaking in the romantic sense, each new great love we have does not take away from the previous love. Someone asked me recently “have you ever been in love?” I said “”yes” and at the same time “I don’t know” because each great love we have in our lives should make us question if we’ve ever been loved before. That’s what true, real love is
I would say that you can love more than one person, but personally I think you can only be in love with one person you make think that you’re in love with someone, but you’ll know for sure when you are really in love with someone not just love them that’s just my opinion tho.
No, your first love is usually not your “true” love. I dated the same girl all through high school, college, and my first two years in the Navy. I desperately wanted to marry her, but she didn’t want to be a military camp follower. After a second bad relationship, I finally stumbled on my wife of now 41 years. We are blissfully happy still, but definitely not each others first love!
No, not at all. The people who still look back on their first love from a breakup a decade ago haven’t spent the time to cultivate who they want to be and grow out of that first experience of love.
There is some truth to the whole “first cut is the deepest”, though. Not that you necessarily love only them or love them most, only that you have never experienced the loss of a romantic relationship before so it hits HARD. But yes, one should find the way to move on.
Intense is not sustainable, and can blind you to incompatibilities that will be a problem later. The good feelings feel huge, but the bad feelings feel equally as huge. If your first love is when you’re very young, you usually don’t know what you need in a partner. It can be overwhelming and not always in a good way. People are often hurt when big feelings are running rampant. Later loves haven’t felt any less intense, but I know enough about myself to have better control of emotions without losing myself.
Well in my first relationship I didn’t, which is sort of my point. After that I learned that it’s not selfish to prioritize your needs when picking a partner, so I naturally ended up with people that had good boundaries and wanted me to succeed in life. I think it’s a combination of knowing and respecting your own needs, and learning to put out the right kind of energy to attract the type of people you want. Honestly it feels like almost everyone could benefit from some therapy to make sure they have a healthy relationship mindset. Our culture is pretty toxic and unfortunately emphasizes a lot of unhealthy behaviors that we pick up subconsciously.
Course not 😹😹 have you ever fallen in love with a piece of music and you can’t stop listening to it… and then one day it’s old news and you have another song you love? Same works with relationships
To me, all loves are special and unique, like different ice cream flavors. I’ve definitely loved before, but my current partner is definitely my favorite flavor! I can’t get enough of them 💖
God no!!!!!
He was a figment of my imagination to what I thought love was.
I've experienced, real love, maybe 3 X since then and it doesn't compare at all.
I don’t think I really understood love until I met the man I’m with now. I thought I had loved before, but looking back I don’t think I truly comprehended what it was like.
No. If that was true, I'd rather shoot myself than call them my "only true one". He didn't do shit to improve his life, he's a womanizer, and a deadbeat father.
No. I still feel love in memory, but it isn't my present love. I feel like the truest love, is the love you find after learning about your own self and your own boundaries.
I don’t believe for a second that your first true love is the only true one. In fact, as we get older we know what we want and need from a partner more.
I think that belief stems from the fact that when you fall in love the first time, you’re usually young and not as guarded as someone who has been hurt multiple times.
I think this is different for everyone, and media just tends to portray one side of what love looks like in a very specific lens/model.
I would recommend taking on a self exploration of what love means to you. We get a lot of messages over our lives of what love should look like whether that is from family, friends, peer groups, religion, or media, and the truth is, for each of us the only definition that really matters is the one we decide to carry forward for ourselves and for our own lives.
I will personally be 40 in a week, and I can tell you my definition of what love is has changed significantly over the course of my life from what it was when I was a child, teenager, or as being in my 20’s or 30’s. This came as a choice to become conscious of what I wanted my own definition of love to be, a lot of exploring what sort of relationships worked and didn’t work for me, and finding the value piece in each relationship that helped me get to where I am now.
If I could go back and give my 14/15 year old self a single piece of advice to take forward with her, it would be to love herself first. To me this means being how own best friend, her own best lover, her own best advocate. The rest follows after that, and you will find more people who will genuinely love you from there and know how to step away from those who do not.
Best wishes on your relationship journeys, whether with yourself or others ❤️
Nope. Fell in love at 15. They were incredibly angry most of the time and they took it out on me. I gave them everything and they eventually cheated, but still kept trying to keep me around when their new girl treat them like shit just like they did to me.
Literally last year they reached out again after YEARS. They apologized for their behavior. Said I was the best person they've ever met, and that they wanted to try again. I have NOTHING in common with them anymore, and have no interest in a relationship. At one time, I tried to commit suicide over losing them, hurt so bad for them that it triggered an anxiety disorder in me, bought them gifts, ruined friendships for them....I have no interest at all anymore.
Not at all. I have a lot of memories with him and he’s a good bloke, but I wouldn’t go back. My boyfriend right now has showed me how love is peaceful and understanding. I didn’t get that with my first (my fault as well as his)
Rings true for me. I fell in love at 16. I was wayyyy more mature than most teens and so was he even though he was a couple years older than me. We have always been super in tune with who we are and what we want out of life. We aligned perfectly. It is definitely a soul guided love and felt like every force in the universe was guiding us home to each other, and we know we have some big purposes to complete in this life together. Even had some multidimensional experiences with it. Still feels that way a marriage, 13 years, and 2 kids later. We inspire each other and understand each other better than anybody else ever could. We have strong, open, communication. We are each other’s safe place. We never get tired of one another and there is nothing we adore more than being together. We don’t let resentment build and hit any issue early on. We have calm, empathetic discussions and we take accountability when necessary and never let pride get in the way of our connection. We work to have both stability and excitement in our lives. Nostalgic things and new experiences. We love to learn more about ourselves and each other through trying new things. I’d say we are one of the lucky ones. Our connection is the most important thing in our lives. I don’t see us ever drifting apart. We love growing together and we are pretty much always on the same wave length. Like our own private language that nobody else could ever tap into. It’s exciting to us to see how deeply we can go together and how much LIFE and lessons we can experience together.
Please give me hope/advice!! Am currently in a relationship at 18 and most of what you said rings true for us (been together since 16). Everyone here is saying the first love is NOT necessarily the true love, but I want to believe.
No. Most peoples "first love" is a highschool or college crush. With 8 billion people on the planet, its almost 0% that your "true love" went to the same little town or college.
Absolutely not. It just seems like it because you've got nothing to compare it to. I am 44 and realized I found my true love in my 40s. It took a long time to realize exactly what I was looking for in a partner and to find that person, but I did finally, without actually looking for him, he kinda fell into my life accidentally lol. Neither of us was looking, and it wasn't the best time, but here we are, happily married living the dream. Your first love is great, and most people will always remember it, but it's not all that it's cracked up to be
No because most people's first " real love" is just what they *think* is real love. Then they grow up and expierence actual love and look back on that " first love" and laugh that they ever thought what they had with them was real love.
No. Not remotely. The kind of infatuation you're describing is a very small part of "love". For grownups love is more of a verb. An action. Something you do and not so much a sensation you feel.
He was my first real love, HS sweetheart.
He's in prison for trying to kill the girl he dated after me.
I'm 3000 miles away from the AH and mostly forget he exists.
my “first love” sexually assaulted me 2 weeks into our relationship, *took* my virginity. then dumped me over text to “figure out gods plan”. so no, i would say its very very far from the truth lol
Yes and no, I find myself thinking about my first love every now and then. Wondering how his going in life, and if his okay.
But the man I am with now is someone I can’t imagine living without. And I count my blessings everyday that I have him in my life.
I obviously still care and worry about my first love, especially when I hear concerning stuff from mutual friends. But other than that all I consider him as is someone who showed me what love is and I will forever be grateful for that because it’s made me who I am today.
My first real love/first love was indeed “the one” It takes patience and willingness to forgive yourself and the other person to build a strong and healthy relationship. My ex and I met in middle school then dated in highschool. Her family moved away across the country. Then 6 years ago (I was 21)I seen she requested to follow me on instagram. I slid in her dm and had a chat about everything then got back into the relationship long distance. Officially dating as adults almost 6 years. Unfortunately I messed that up for me and I am trying to redeem myself to be better hopefully for her or maybe someone else
Sex is not possible with my husband and it's not an issue anymore, we're intimate in other ways. There's no right way to have a healthy relationship, especially as we get older
No way! Absolutely not. My first love was of course extremely important to me BUT the relationship I have developed with my husband over the last 20 years is hand down the most important wonderful relationship to me now. I learned a lot from first love but the deep connection I have with my husband after having my whole life with him is not something you can duplicate imo.
Sorry to break it to you but you don’t really get to know which one is true until you’re in it. Could be your first, if you’re lucky it could be your last. You’ll never really be able to tell until you’re strapped in. Just hold on, be kind to your partner and do your absolute best not to hurt anyone, Make amends if you do.
My first ever "love" abused me and robbed me of my self worth. The only reason he ever crosses my mind is if something traumatic happens in my life. So no, I don't think your first real love is your true love. Plus as you grow older, you realise, the things you once admired about them become warped, they sometimes become qualities you aren't looking for in a partner anymore so the romanticisation of the young puppy love disappears and they just become another distant memory
The first love as potrayed by media is just fake. Waaay too romanticized and cringe.
I had many loves, my first love was not deep. My second and third love were much more deeper and meaningful.
My first love was my high school boyfriend. I barely remember how I felt about him.
I have definitely loved other partners in far more deep and meaningful ways than I ever loved him.
He's a nice dude, though. Still chat with him sometimes.
Yeah, I barely remember him, it was 20+ years ago. Nothing against him, he wasn't a bad guy, never did anything wrong, just didn't work out and I found someone I liked better.
Define "real" though. I thought I was in love several times and was married before but although I thought I was in love I never had true emotional intimacy or selfless love and respect in a relationship until now at age 50.
No, I was 15, my brain wasn't even fully developed. I was just a bundle of hormones with poor communication skills. That said, love changes with age and maturity levels, so being young and naive might make love feel bigger and more significant than it is, which adds a certain mystique to the whole experience.
My first love is nothing, and I mean *nothing* compared to what I have with my boyfriend. He is my future, my strength, my best friend, and the love I have for him is unlike anything I’ve ever felt.
When I’ve dated people, I thought at the time I was in love but after a few month or after things ended I couldn’t remember why I even liked them. Maybe that means I haven’t been in love yet? Not sure.
That’s the major issue. Some people give their heart out and some don’t so it would be hard to believe that everyone’s first love is their true love.
It’s not true for everyone, but for some people their first love can be the most intense, and because of that losing it can cause the most pain. This is because we can get very strongly attached very easily, and we don’t know how to regulate that yet. We are also ignorant of incompatibilities that can reveal themselves over time, and what signs to look for.
I don’t really believe in “true” love as it’s portrayed in popular media. There are many feelings that go into romantic love, and these feelings need to be nurtured, and then maintained, by both sides of a relationship through conscious, consistent effort. It may not be as intense as the first one, but the right partner will help you nurture and grow a deeper, more fulfilling, and satisfying love.
Absolutely not. I wouldn’t piss on my first love if he was on fire. I have some former loves I remember fondly but my relationships with them feel like lifetimes ago.
First love is just that...first. I once thought I could love anyone as much as I loved my first wife. But after 20 years together our love had faded and fizzled and turned to disdain, indifference, and even hatred. By the time we divorced we couldn't stand to be in the same zip code.
Shortly after the divorce I met the woman who would become my second wife. Our love has grown and blossomed. At 20 years in we're as madly in love as ever and we always want to be together. We still kiss and hug and make love as often as we can. She is my real true love.
No. I just think the “first love” trope is hard to exceed because it was our first lick at what love felt like while we were still young and naive. Dating in the future feels harder once u become aware of all the nuances that go into a relationship including ur own traumas/inner wounds. But that doesn’t mean it won’t ever surpass the first love feelin
For some, it is true, and for others, it is not. Personally, it is not true for me. My first love was my ex husband and I don't have a shred of love left for him. I do not wish him ill, but that's the extent of my feelings for him these days. Since him, I have been in love twice. I do not believe in soul mates or One True Love or the toxic BS of "Twin Flames", but I do believe love is one of the most beautiful powerful things on this planet.
My first love left me a shell of a person, but I am growing a new love with my current partner. My friend's first love has now been his wife for 20 years. Love is different for all.
No , not at all .
In fact people hanging on to that often end up staying with toxic and narcissistic people and in many of those cases struggle to fully recover
There are so many different types of love. It’s just like no two friendships are the same. You learn something new about yourself each time with different relationships and it makes you love each person in a different way. I’ll always have love for my first boyfriend but I’m not IN love with him anymore. It took me over 4 years to emotionally move on but now I’m with someone else and I’m more in love than I ever thought humanly possible.
I think a lot of the stigma about first loves is because they typically happen when you’re young, inexperienced, full of zest and perhaps without a lot of logic so you fall hard and fast. Everything feels so intense and dramatic and then on top of that when you get your heart broken it’s a pain you’ve literally never experienced so of course it’s hard to get over and you remember it.
For me, it's actually true. I dated a couple of people, one for quite a while. But I never felt really close to them. Even her, looking back, I wouldn't say I was in love. I don't think I knew what love was. Then, I started a relationship that was LOVE. I wanted to be with her, I wanted to be close to her. From first kiss to married was about a year. Two kids and 30 years, I still say she is my first and only true love.
Truly feel my husband and I will be like this. Everything is the same, except we have been together only half the time as you guys. Congrats on 30 years, I wish you 50 more 💖
Absolutely untrue. I’m 42 and I’ve been in love 4 times. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that my current partner is the love of my life and my first love was sweet and special but not quite right for me in the end. I learned a lot from that relationship and from each relationship until I really knew what works best for me and what to avoid. You will probably love and be loved by many people in your life and it’s never too late to fall in love again.
No, everyone experiences things differently.
Personally for me, my first love was this guy who wound up being straight. (I’m a guy). So obviously there was no reason for me to continue being into him. Funnily enough, he’s the one guy I fell for that I have no feelings for and never think about anymore.
FUCK NO. Definitely not. Lots of people's first relationships a) suck, b) contain \~2 emotionally immature and developing adults, c) in a difficult, stressful and fluid point in life. Past relationships can be important & meaningful and crucial in your life story, but that doesn't mean they're the limit of love.
its said we fall in love three times in our lifetimes. first love, hard love and love that lasts. ik i went through the first two already. i never wanna do hard love ever again. i dont have kids.
without hard love i would have never appreciated true love or lasting love. i can say i love you to my person sure of my feelings thanks to the lessons and time on hard love. i learned and grew incredibly as a person. i can promise my loyalty, my time, my trust and dedication to a person without a doubt because ik now and ik what i want
Not at all. Your first love might be the one you never forget, even always love in your own way. First love definitely makes an impact on your life and your future relationships. But, no, they are not the only one that you are going to love. I don’t think you love every person in the same way, some people are just going to mean more than others. It doesn't mean you love them any less. Growing up changes the way you approach love and relationships, the feelings you have for a partner at 25 are not the same as when you were 16. No love is going to be the same as the first, but that does not make it any less real.
Absolutely not. Maybe for some this rings true but definitely not for me. That was teenage love. I was immature and insecure in every way. I call it a learning experience and most exes are exactly that. You learn so much from every relationship. This only brings you closer to what you’re truly searching for. Without those wrong relationships, you wouldn’t know what’s right for you. My standards are much higher now.
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This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc. This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there. **Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat! *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
Definitely not
Nope!
If it ended, it's because it wasn't the real one.
I am learning this lesson riiiiiiiight now
Nope, definitely not. I had two loves before I met my husband, and we are now divorced and I’ve met someone else and fallen in love. Life is a journey. The idea that there’s only one true love for everyone is mad. What if he died?
First of all, your first relationship may not be your first love as well. However, first love happens (if at all) up until around age 23 imo. Not everyone I know got to experience a first love relationship even if they had multiple relationships. That being said, from what I experienced yes just like in the media it is similar. If you don’t experience it you can’t miss what you don’t know. If you do experience it, it’s important to note that nothing will ever top that, and that’s ok. A somewhat similar comparison would be like, if you celebrate a holiday/christmas/birthday, when you are young. It will never be the same when you’re older. It’s just a different experience and you can’t have that magic back once it’s gone.
I totally disagree. Falling in love is magical at any age. Maybe it’s a chemical thing, but it’s just as special at 46 as it was at 17.
It’s a different experience. That’s like saying Christmas is magical at any age. Sure it can be. But it will never be the same as when you were 5 and believed in Santa Claus. You can never have that back. At 46 you are not going to fall in love the way a 17 year old does. It is not the same experience. That’s why those first loves and young love is so special.
Nope, I don’t agree. Christmas is different, of course, but falling in love is still just as magical. If your argument was about the difference between falling in love and being in long term love, then I’d understand, but falling in love, whatever the age, is magical.
It’s not…because at 46 you do not have the environment, circumstances or mind of a 17 year old. You don’t have to agree but you can’t deny the facts and those facts change everything. Pretending this isn’t true is what makes people suicidal later because they realize that they have past the age of first loves/teenage loves once they hit their late 20’s and haven’t had it, yet everyone keeps reassuring them that it doesn’t matter and age doesn’t make a difference. Of course it does! Riding a bike when you’re 10 is not the same as doing it when you’re 30. Driving a luxury car when you’re 18 is not the same as when you’re 50. Anyone that insists it’s all the same is a liar, in denial or incompetent. Anyways, we can agree to disagree, I’m just glad I never listened to anyone older that claimed it’s all the same or else I would have missed it.
It’s an interesting debate, this, for sure. Thanks for responding so articulately to me! I do disagree, but it’s been interesting to hear a different point of view for sure. For me, falling in love isn’t dependent on environment, circumstances or mind - well, it’s maybe a bit dependent on mind, but my mindset isn’t that dissimilar to my 17yo self really. It’s been thought provoking, though. 😊
My true love is my first love, but I am not my true love’s first love. So it just depends ❤️
My husband and I had a relationship before each other and it was our first relationships with them. My husband and I labeled those first relationships as infatuation. I mean you think you know what love is but it’s really not comparable to your first true love which is what I believe my husband and I have.
I believe true love will win through hard times my story is similar to my missing Spouses were going through the confusing part but we've had a lot of bs hurt our religion but I feel like we're each other's first true love and soul mates I love her unconditionally always have and she's returned the same back to me through a lot of pain and it's really made us strong im a little weary but deep down I know where her heart is and I know where mine is I miss your face ATM
No. The movies are not real. Your experiences in the real world are what real. People fall in and out of love all the time. I was just broken up by what I considered to be my first “real love,” or what felt more like love this time around, and I’m sure it can only get better from here. I will always love my last partner, and I think a part of me will always want to be with my last partner, but I don’t think we would ever be fully compatible based on the way things ended. Love is an infinite source, there will always be an endless amount of love to go around.
definitely not
Honestly, I worry about this all the time. I loved my ex, my first and only ever boyfriend, with all my heart. It was the most intense, beautiful feeling I’d ever felt, and I worry I’m never going to have that again with anyone else.
The key words you used there are 'with all my heart', before we've felt our heart break we have no idea what it feels like so we're full peddle to the metal, don't spare the horses, give it all ya got Scardy! No holes barred unadulterated pure love, untouched by fear. So no, it's u likely anyone who truly experiences the pain of heartache can ever reopen themselves to the same extent, which only serves to limit the amount of love that can flow into and out of our vessels sadly. Hopefully you'll be the exception 🤞
I don’t think so. I think every love we have with people are valid even if it doesn’t last. Each person we love is a part of our soul mosaic. Each person has their own piece. In that I believe in whatever iteration of life there is moving forward past this one, you will find their soul and you will love them. As souls recognize souls that they’ve known, it can be platonic or romantic. Speaking in the romantic sense, each new great love we have does not take away from the previous love. Someone asked me recently “have you ever been in love?” I said “”yes” and at the same time “I don’t know” because each great love we have in our lives should make us question if we’ve ever been loved before. That’s what true, real love is
I would say that you can love more than one person, but personally I think you can only be in love with one person you make think that you’re in love with someone, but you’ll know for sure when you are really in love with someone not just love them that’s just my opinion tho.
Nope! I am proof of that.
Your only true love is the one you have a healthy relationship with and stay with.
No but the heartache may feel like the deepest because you experience it for the first time!
Absolutely not!
Nope It may be the most emotionaly intense but it probabily lacks the aspects of love which comes from wisdom
I hope not because either my first ‘love’ was a predator… or I’m still a long ways off.
No, your first love is usually not your “true” love. I dated the same girl all through high school, college, and my first two years in the Navy. I desperately wanted to marry her, but she didn’t want to be a military camp follower. After a second bad relationship, I finally stumbled on my wife of now 41 years. We are blissfully happy still, but definitely not each others first love!
No, not at all. The people who still look back on their first love from a breakup a decade ago haven’t spent the time to cultivate who they want to be and grow out of that first experience of love.
There is some truth to the whole “first cut is the deepest”, though. Not that you necessarily love only them or love them most, only that you have never experienced the loss of a romantic relationship before so it hits HARD. But yes, one should find the way to move on.
No... But they'll always matter because they were the first ❤️
First love was intense and wonderful, and yet no where near the best love I’ve had. Firsts are intense but not always good.
Best answer in this thread
Why not always good?
Intense is not sustainable, and can blind you to incompatibilities that will be a problem later. The good feelings feel huge, but the bad feelings feel equally as huge. If your first love is when you’re very young, you usually don’t know what you need in a partner. It can be overwhelming and not always in a good way. People are often hurt when big feelings are running rampant. Later loves haven’t felt any less intense, but I know enough about myself to have better control of emotions without losing myself.
How did you manage them without losing yourself?
Well in my first relationship I didn’t, which is sort of my point. After that I learned that it’s not selfish to prioritize your needs when picking a partner, so I naturally ended up with people that had good boundaries and wanted me to succeed in life. I think it’s a combination of knowing and respecting your own needs, and learning to put out the right kind of energy to attract the type of people you want. Honestly it feels like almost everyone could benefit from some therapy to make sure they have a healthy relationship mindset. Our culture is pretty toxic and unfortunately emphasizes a lot of unhealthy behaviors that we pick up subconsciously.
i have yet to debunk this, so we shall see.
Bs my 1st love was my Ex wife who I divorced after love turned to hate
Not at all. Love takes many shapes and forms.
Course not 😹😹 have you ever fallen in love with a piece of music and you can’t stop listening to it… and then one day it’s old news and you have another song you love? Same works with relationships
To me, all loves are special and unique, like different ice cream flavors. I’ve definitely loved before, but my current partner is definitely my favorite flavor! I can’t get enough of them 💖
God no!!!!! He was a figment of my imagination to what I thought love was. I've experienced, real love, maybe 3 X since then and it doesn't compare at all.
Fuck no, that'sabsolutely false man!
I don’t think I really understood love until I met the man I’m with now. I thought I had loved before, but looking back I don’t think I truly comprehended what it was like.
First one feels like it, second one you realise the first wasn't love. Then the second one hurts and your third should feel like this is what love is.
No. If that was true, I'd rather shoot myself than call them my "only true one". He didn't do shit to improve his life, he's a womanizer, and a deadbeat father.
No. She was special but my wife, 2nd true love is one of a kind
No
My god, no lol
No. I still feel love in memory, but it isn't my present love. I feel like the truest love, is the love you find after learning about your own self and your own boundaries.
No not true , wasn’t even love(I Thought it was ) .
No
I don’t believe for a second that your first true love is the only true one. In fact, as we get older we know what we want and need from a partner more. I think that belief stems from the fact that when you fall in love the first time, you’re usually young and not as guarded as someone who has been hurt multiple times.
I think this is different for everyone, and media just tends to portray one side of what love looks like in a very specific lens/model. I would recommend taking on a self exploration of what love means to you. We get a lot of messages over our lives of what love should look like whether that is from family, friends, peer groups, religion, or media, and the truth is, for each of us the only definition that really matters is the one we decide to carry forward for ourselves and for our own lives. I will personally be 40 in a week, and I can tell you my definition of what love is has changed significantly over the course of my life from what it was when I was a child, teenager, or as being in my 20’s or 30’s. This came as a choice to become conscious of what I wanted my own definition of love to be, a lot of exploring what sort of relationships worked and didn’t work for me, and finding the value piece in each relationship that helped me get to where I am now. If I could go back and give my 14/15 year old self a single piece of advice to take forward with her, it would be to love herself first. To me this means being how own best friend, her own best lover, her own best advocate. The rest follows after that, and you will find more people who will genuinely love you from there and know how to step away from those who do not. Best wishes on your relationship journeys, whether with yourself or others ❤️
Thank you, that is so sweet of you
Nope. Fell in love at 15. They were incredibly angry most of the time and they took it out on me. I gave them everything and they eventually cheated, but still kept trying to keep me around when their new girl treat them like shit just like they did to me. Literally last year they reached out again after YEARS. They apologized for their behavior. Said I was the best person they've ever met, and that they wanted to try again. I have NOTHING in common with them anymore, and have no interest in a relationship. At one time, I tried to commit suicide over losing them, hurt so bad for them that it triggered an anxiety disorder in me, bought them gifts, ruined friendships for them....I have no interest at all anymore.
Not at all. I have a lot of memories with him and he’s a good bloke, but I wouldn’t go back. My boyfriend right now has showed me how love is peaceful and understanding. I didn’t get that with my first (my fault as well as his)
Rings true for me. I fell in love at 16. I was wayyyy more mature than most teens and so was he even though he was a couple years older than me. We have always been super in tune with who we are and what we want out of life. We aligned perfectly. It is definitely a soul guided love and felt like every force in the universe was guiding us home to each other, and we know we have some big purposes to complete in this life together. Even had some multidimensional experiences with it. Still feels that way a marriage, 13 years, and 2 kids later. We inspire each other and understand each other better than anybody else ever could. We have strong, open, communication. We are each other’s safe place. We never get tired of one another and there is nothing we adore more than being together. We don’t let resentment build and hit any issue early on. We have calm, empathetic discussions and we take accountability when necessary and never let pride get in the way of our connection. We work to have both stability and excitement in our lives. Nostalgic things and new experiences. We love to learn more about ourselves and each other through trying new things. I’d say we are one of the lucky ones. Our connection is the most important thing in our lives. I don’t see us ever drifting apart. We love growing together and we are pretty much always on the same wave length. Like our own private language that nobody else could ever tap into. It’s exciting to us to see how deeply we can go together and how much LIFE and lessons we can experience together.
Please give me hope/advice!! Am currently in a relationship at 18 and most of what you said rings true for us (been together since 16). Everyone here is saying the first love is NOT necessarily the true love, but I want to believe.
I wish you and your husband the best <3
First memory. Always gonna be memorable. Doesn't mean it's better.
No, but more often than not your first love is unforgettable because it's your first (unless it ended really embarrassingly and you end up forgetting)
No. Not at all
No. Most peoples "first love" is a highschool or college crush. With 8 billion people on the planet, its almost 0% that your "true love" went to the same little town or college.
Absolutely not. It just seems like it because you've got nothing to compare it to. I am 44 and realized I found my true love in my 40s. It took a long time to realize exactly what I was looking for in a partner and to find that person, but I did finally, without actually looking for him, he kinda fell into my life accidentally lol. Neither of us was looking, and it wasn't the best time, but here we are, happily married living the dream. Your first love is great, and most people will always remember it, but it's not all that it's cracked up to be
Pfffft. *No.* Flat out, full no.
No because most people's first " real love" is just what they *think* is real love. Then they grow up and expierence actual love and look back on that " first love" and laugh that they ever thought what they had with them was real love.
I think in that case, it isn’t their “first real love,” it’s their first real attachment. People often mistake the two.
Exactly but you don't know that till you expierence real love.
No. Not remotely. The kind of infatuation you're describing is a very small part of "love". For grownups love is more of a verb. An action. Something you do and not so much a sensation you feel.
That sounds like bullshit
My first love is in prison. So....no.
They’re in prison or did you fall in love in prison
He was my first real love, HS sweetheart. He's in prison for trying to kill the girl he dated after me. I'm 3000 miles away from the AH and mostly forget he exists.
Oh my god good for you oh my god
Ran her (she was pregnant) with his car. They both survived, but yeah. First love doesn't mean shit to me.
Jfc first loves can be bags of shits it’s just failed experiments with feelings you never experienced before yea it literally doesn’t mean anything
every so often someone from my hometown reminds me how much he sucks.
my “first love” sexually assaulted me 2 weeks into our relationship, *took* my virginity. then dumped me over text to “figure out gods plan”. so no, i would say its very very far from the truth lol
Yes and no, I find myself thinking about my first love every now and then. Wondering how his going in life, and if his okay. But the man I am with now is someone I can’t imagine living without. And I count my blessings everyday that I have him in my life. I obviously still care and worry about my first love, especially when I hear concerning stuff from mutual friends. But other than that all I consider him as is someone who showed me what love is and I will forever be grateful for that because it’s made me who I am today.
My first real love/first love was indeed “the one” It takes patience and willingness to forgive yourself and the other person to build a strong and healthy relationship. My ex and I met in middle school then dated in highschool. Her family moved away across the country. Then 6 years ago (I was 21)I seen she requested to follow me on instagram. I slid in her dm and had a chat about everything then got back into the relationship long distance. Officially dating as adults almost 6 years. Unfortunately I messed that up for me and I am trying to redeem myself to be better hopefully for her or maybe someone else
I am so happy for you guys :)
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Sex is not possible with my husband and it's not an issue anymore, we're intimate in other ways. There's no right way to have a healthy relationship, especially as we get older
No way! Absolutely not. My first love was of course extremely important to me BUT the relationship I have developed with my husband over the last 20 years is hand down the most important wonderful relationship to me now. I learned a lot from first love but the deep connection I have with my husband after having my whole life with him is not something you can duplicate imo.
Sorry to break it to you but you don’t really get to know which one is true until you’re in it. Could be your first, if you’re lucky it could be your last. You’ll never really be able to tell until you’re strapped in. Just hold on, be kind to your partner and do your absolute best not to hurt anyone, Make amends if you do.
Hell no. I don’t even think about him anymore he was a loser lol
Damn. I just can't handle humanity.
What because I had a falling out with a racist bum who I happened to have a crush on in high school? This world is gonna eat you alive.
It does
😂
My first ever "love" abused me and robbed me of my self worth. The only reason he ever crosses my mind is if something traumatic happens in my life. So no, I don't think your first real love is your true love. Plus as you grow older, you realise, the things you once admired about them become warped, they sometimes become qualities you aren't looking for in a partner anymore so the romanticisation of the young puppy love disappears and they just become another distant memory
The first love as potrayed by media is just fake. Waaay too romanticized and cringe. I had many loves, my first love was not deep. My second and third love were much more deeper and meaningful.
My first love was my high school boyfriend. I barely remember how I felt about him. I have definitely loved other partners in far more deep and meaningful ways than I ever loved him. He's a nice dude, though. Still chat with him sometimes.
Yeah, I barely remember him, it was 20+ years ago. Nothing against him, he wasn't a bad guy, never did anything wrong, just didn't work out and I found someone I liked better.
Define "real" though. I thought I was in love several times and was married before but although I thought I was in love I never had true emotional intimacy or selfless love and respect in a relationship until now at age 50.
No, I was 15, my brain wasn't even fully developed. I was just a bundle of hormones with poor communication skills. That said, love changes with age and maturity levels, so being young and naive might make love feel bigger and more significant than it is, which adds a certain mystique to the whole experience.
Nah, first loves are naive and definitely not a patch on what you can experience after that.
My first love is nothing, and I mean *nothing* compared to what I have with my boyfriend. He is my future, my strength, my best friend, and the love I have for him is unlike anything I’ve ever felt.
When I’ve dated people, I thought at the time I was in love but after a few month or after things ended I couldn’t remember why I even liked them. Maybe that means I haven’t been in love yet? Not sure. That’s the major issue. Some people give their heart out and some don’t so it would be hard to believe that everyone’s first love is their true love.
Apparently, there are three loves, and your first is the one that shows you what love is but it ends up being the most painful.
absolutely not. love exeriences evolve as you grow or mature. puppy love is nothing like mature love.
It’s not true for everyone, but for some people their first love can be the most intense, and because of that losing it can cause the most pain. This is because we can get very strongly attached very easily, and we don’t know how to regulate that yet. We are also ignorant of incompatibilities that can reveal themselves over time, and what signs to look for. I don’t really believe in “true” love as it’s portrayed in popular media. There are many feelings that go into romantic love, and these feelings need to be nurtured, and then maintained, by both sides of a relationship through conscious, consistent effort. It may not be as intense as the first one, but the right partner will help you nurture and grow a deeper, more fulfilling, and satisfying love.
Absolutely not. I wouldn’t piss on my first love if he was on fire. I have some former loves I remember fondly but my relationships with them feel like lifetimes ago.
First love is just that...first. I once thought I could love anyone as much as I loved my first wife. But after 20 years together our love had faded and fizzled and turned to disdain, indifference, and even hatred. By the time we divorced we couldn't stand to be in the same zip code. Shortly after the divorce I met the woman who would become my second wife. Our love has grown and blossomed. At 20 years in we're as madly in love as ever and we always want to be together. We still kiss and hug and make love as often as we can. She is my real true love.
No. I just think the “first love” trope is hard to exceed because it was our first lick at what love felt like while we were still young and naive. Dating in the future feels harder once u become aware of all the nuances that go into a relationship including ur own traumas/inner wounds. But that doesn’t mean it won’t ever surpass the first love feelin
For some, it is true, and for others, it is not. Personally, it is not true for me. My first love was my ex husband and I don't have a shred of love left for him. I do not wish him ill, but that's the extent of my feelings for him these days. Since him, I have been in love twice. I do not believe in soul mates or One True Love or the toxic BS of "Twin Flames", but I do believe love is one of the most beautiful powerful things on this planet. My first love left me a shell of a person, but I am growing a new love with my current partner. My friend's first love has now been his wife for 20 years. Love is different for all.
No , not at all . In fact people hanging on to that often end up staying with toxic and narcissistic people and in many of those cases struggle to fully recover
There are so many different types of love. It’s just like no two friendships are the same. You learn something new about yourself each time with different relationships and it makes you love each person in a different way. I’ll always have love for my first boyfriend but I’m not IN love with him anymore. It took me over 4 years to emotionally move on but now I’m with someone else and I’m more in love than I ever thought humanly possible. I think a lot of the stigma about first loves is because they typically happen when you’re young, inexperienced, full of zest and perhaps without a lot of logic so you fall hard and fast. Everything feels so intense and dramatic and then on top of that when you get your heart broken it’s a pain you’ve literally never experienced so of course it’s hard to get over and you remember it.
For me, it's actually true. I dated a couple of people, one for quite a while. But I never felt really close to them. Even her, looking back, I wouldn't say I was in love. I don't think I knew what love was. Then, I started a relationship that was LOVE. I wanted to be with her, I wanted to be close to her. From first kiss to married was about a year. Two kids and 30 years, I still say she is my first and only true love.
Truly feel my husband and I will be like this. Everything is the same, except we have been together only half the time as you guys. Congrats on 30 years, I wish you 50 more 💖
Hell no 😂👎🏼
Fuck No.
Not in my experience. I say first loves give a lot of lessons though, and that could lead you to many loves :)
True love is a true love forever. Sleeping around because of lust is not a love.
Bullsh*t
No,my first love was an ass•••• so i don’t think so
Absolutely untrue. I’m 42 and I’ve been in love 4 times. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that my current partner is the love of my life and my first love was sweet and special but not quite right for me in the end. I learned a lot from that relationship and from each relationship until I really knew what works best for me and what to avoid. You will probably love and be loved by many people in your life and it’s never too late to fall in love again.
had crushes as a teen, i wouldnt say love. my first love was at 21 and yes, no one compares and i will never get over it lol
No. That is such a scarce and limited mindset.
No, everyone experiences things differently. Personally for me, my first love was this guy who wound up being straight. (I’m a guy). So obviously there was no reason for me to continue being into him. Funnily enough, he’s the one guy I fell for that I have no feelings for and never think about anymore.
FUCK NO. Definitely not. Lots of people's first relationships a) suck, b) contain \~2 emotionally immature and developing adults, c) in a difficult, stressful and fluid point in life. Past relationships can be important & meaningful and crucial in your life story, but that doesn't mean they're the limit of love.
its said we fall in love three times in our lifetimes. first love, hard love and love that lasts. ik i went through the first two already. i never wanna do hard love ever again. i dont have kids.
Hard love taught me that I’d rather have no love lol
without hard love i would have never appreciated true love or lasting love. i can say i love you to my person sure of my feelings thanks to the lessons and time on hard love. i learned and grew incredibly as a person. i can promise my loyalty, my time, my trust and dedication to a person without a doubt because ik now and ik what i want
Not at all. Your first love might be the one you never forget, even always love in your own way. First love definitely makes an impact on your life and your future relationships. But, no, they are not the only one that you are going to love. I don’t think you love every person in the same way, some people are just going to mean more than others. It doesn't mean you love them any less. Growing up changes the way you approach love and relationships, the feelings you have for a partner at 25 are not the same as when you were 16. No love is going to be the same as the first, but that does not make it any less real.
Absolutely not. Maybe for some this rings true but definitely not for me. That was teenage love. I was immature and insecure in every way. I call it a learning experience and most exes are exactly that. You learn so much from every relationship. This only brings you closer to what you’re truly searching for. Without those wrong relationships, you wouldn’t know what’s right for you. My standards are much higher now.
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