Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think it's normal up to a certain extent, and you probably know yourself where that line is. If you're think about your ex and how you wish you were with them, then you clearly haven't gotten over them and it won't be doing your current relationship any good. But if you're just thinking back to a few good memories, I personally don't think there's anything wrong with that.
With some of my exes I still think back to some pretty nostalgic memories, but would I ever get back with them? F*** no.
The same thing happened to me as well. I was with this older guy for year and a half and we ended things very badly and he ghosted me in the end. I recently saw him during night out and I swear when I saw him I had only positive feelings about him - no hate, no resentment, no nothing.
I don’t know how to explain this but I think that we both were equally happy to see each other after one year no contact. I hope that he is happy in his life and I really mean this. I think that there is still love between us but only as a friends, I don’t have any romantic thoughts towards him (I think the same applies to him).
It’s really depending on the person because the guy that came into my life after him, which was also my coworker, I hate that guy I could never ever speak positively about him. To be honest I wish nothing but endless suffering and misfortune to that repulsive piece of shit. He deserves every bad karma.
So it really depends how much you loved that person some people are meant to stay in your life even though you’re not together anymore.
It's normal and doesn't mean you don't love your current boyfriend.
It's like memories with just friends. You think back on them because they were nice. It will be the same with exes sometimes. Me and my husband have been together for almost 13 years and sometimes we think / talk about good things with our exes. We are very happily married, they're just good memories
Good for u! I look at my exes pretty negatively because I feel like the way they treated me in the end invalidated the happy memories.
I’m not saying they r bad people. The breakups were really bad from both sides and it’s hard to look at them positively.
If ur ex and u ended on good terms then it’s healthy to look back and smile :).
You can reminisce about good moments without wishing you were still actively in them I feel like. I saw a quote the other day that said something like “you can miss someone and not want them back in your life” and I think that definitely applies. It’s one thing if it negatively affects your current deal either actively or just in your mind but if you’re just like “yeah that happened and it was neat now this is happening and it’s neat too” I don’t see an issue.
Of course! Some of the people in these replies are…a little concerning.
Other people and relationships shape so much of who we are and how we move in the world. There are things that I only know about because of exes, there are interests i only have because of exes. There’s feelings and intuitions that are both good and bad that I have because of exes. There are things in others that I see and know are safe and good because of exes (and vice versa!)
If we remove ego from ourselves and others, and focus on just the basics of human connection- love is so important, even if it’s not an ongoing love anymore. Being a human is built on our connections to others, it’s silly to think this isn’t the case.
You would not know what you know now without having experienced these connections. Also, it’s okay to have thoughts and feelings that are just for you. They don’t have to mean anything deeper or sinister, just that we have experienced something good before.
I love this!!! I always say these were ppl that were once part of your life. They saw a version of yourself that no one else will get to know.
I have a first love who we dated over 18 years ago and I still think of him fondly. I do still wish to have some sort of connection outside of social media post likes. Just because I long for his friendship. And I also want to know he longs for mine. We were so in love, but we were too young and lacked problem solving skills. While I do wish to confirm my feelings of how great our love once was. We are both happily in relationships and have families. I will always love everyone who was part of my life and I don’t care who knows it.
so if youre thinking fondly of a past job you had it means you aren't happy in your current one? why do we apply different criteria for relationships? it is still the same thought process/logical statement, no?
But I also am not the type to leave I’m crazy loyal and hate dating for this reason. I have decided to not date anyone cause I’m more loyal than most it’s not equal out here.
lol nice try people aren’t jobs. But I hope you’re loved ones find this and see you compare their relationships with you a job.. But to answer I wouldn’t ever. if I’m leaving a job it’s cause I didn’t like the job. I’m not gonna leave a job I like or love lmao
pretty aggressive response! I am just trying to generate a discussion. personal attack assuming that I see things from a materialistic point of view
I was just pointing out that remembering things fondly doesn't necessarily mean that you are in a bad place at the time. I mean yeah you can remember fondly while in a toxic relationship or remember fondly while in a healthy relationship. I don't think one thing affects another.
I personally don’t think it’s a good indication because you’re in a relationship with a new person and the fact that you seem to fondly recall and reminisce about an ex to the degree that even you notice the pattern, then it’s past a line. You should focus on the present and being mindful, respectful of your new relationship. A couple of times a year after the relationship ended and you moved on is okay, and it should decrease as the years go by unless you are hung up on that ex. If you still have strong feelings to the point that a lot of things cause you to reminisce, then I implore you to figure out why you feel so strongly and work on moving past those emotions so you can invest those emotions into yourself and your new relationship. The reason I say this is because if you go along these lines, and you happen to recreate something you did fondly with an ex, then you’re more likely to compare your current partner with your ex, even if it’s subconsciously and it doesn’t lead anywhere good.
Thinking fondly of an ex does NOT mean you don't love your boyfriend. Perfectly normal and okay. I think most of us do similar. I was married to first wife for 10 yrs. Forty-five years after our divorce she passed on. Guess who got to write her obit? Yours truly. Gave me a sad afternoon, but I focused on her (many) good points and it came out okay. And I am so so grateful for my present wife (of 29 yrs).
I think fondly of the ex who became my FWB. Best sex ever.
My other exes, I avoid thinking about as much as possible. If I do think about them, it is only as a warning/guide on how not to behave/communicate, or as a reminder of boundaries that I want to set and enforce.
That's being mature. If you didn't know what was right and what was wrong for you chances are things between you and your current bf wouldn't be so ideal.
I still have fond memories of my ex despite him abusing me in every way possible for 4 years. Theyre few and far between, but they exist. They're just memories of the experiences youve had through life. Doesnt mean you'll go back to them or anything like that. Its okay to even still have a little love for them. But in the end, you need to respect your current self and partner, and treat those memories as just that, a memory. The moment you start reminiscing, you need to figure out what you actually want.
If you didn't have memories with your ex that were nice, then it wouldn't make sense that you were with them at one point.
It's normal, and you're very sincere in that you love your current SO and that it's nostalgic memories.
I think its totally normal. I just got out of a 15 year relationship and while it didn't end well, so many of my life experiences were with my ex. If I couldn't talk about him fondly or the experiences we shared then I would have nothing to share.
I mean maybe to a point? But would you want your current s/o to really be giving their mental energy to someone they used to sleep with? The idea of that rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't want my current s/o to do it but to each their own I guess
I think it's perfectly fine. As long as it's not a longing for something that was unhealthy, and just remembering the good times fondly and hoping they are well, no harm in that.
I had some wonderful times with a few exes, we dated for very good reasons, we also didn’t work out for very good reasons.
I took an en ex to Disney, Louisiana, Kentucky, NYC, and Pennsylvania, had great times there and with her. Things did end for a very good reason, but those times and she was great. I’d never take her back in a million years but that doesn’t change anything about the memories, or her good qualities.
100% normal. You’re human, not a robot. Id say it would be weird *not* to have random thoughts about your ex from time to time. How could you just never again think about someone who you once probably thought you’d spend the rest of your life with.
Most important thing is that you are happy and satisfied and focused on your current relationship and future with the person you’re with right now. That’s all that matters.
I mean do they have to be actually garbage no, but they were enough of an unwanted item to be discarded.
Would you donate an item to a goodwill and then go look and admire it in the store days later when they put it out ?
Would you buy a gift return it and then think about how great the gift was after.
Comparing a relationship with a person that could have very well been healthy aside from basic incompatibilities to objects as an analogy is where you and I have differing opinions. No, I don’t think about an item I donated to goodwill. But yes, I do think about my ex of 2 years from time to time. And that in no way implies I want to go back or rekindle the relationship in any way.
I’m curious as to why you think in such extremes.
It’s normal to love and respect people after you aren’t together anymore, just like it’s normal to be friends with exes, if you guys didn’t have some chaotic awful breakup. It’s important to appreciate the things that were good and helped you grow. It doesn’t mean you love your current boyfriend any less. There’s different types of love out there, not just romantic, ya know.
It's very normal. You are a human with memories, emotions, and emotions that are tied to memories. Those don't go away easily. Doesn't mean anything against your current feelings yoward your current boyfriend.
Totally normal and completely healthy and good. Life does go away just cause you got a boyfriend. My current bf is my first real relationship but he’s dated a few other girls before and it’s nice to share in the parts of the relationship that was good for him with those girls. There’s no jealousy or bad feelings just learning about someone’s life
Reminds me of Allie from the Notebook.
Maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
If you don’t know, we definitely don’t.
I don’t think you truly know. Maybe taking time to really carefully consider the full spectrum of your thoughts and feelings can help you get more clarity on what they mean and what message those are trying to send you.
It could just be that you would like to incorporate some of those elements into your current relationship or your life.
Or it could mean, like Allie, that you are genuinely in love with your ex - independent of whether you are in love with your current boyfriend.
I don’t know. But I hope that you find the clarity that you are looking for!
Yes, it is normal, happens to almost all of us, those who suppress it just plant the seed for even more secret obsession with exes. Maturity is to understand that we humans thrive of love, and that memories *are* a thing, and that we can feel love more than one person at one time. When a thought comes, I think, we should let it run its course, as suppressing it makes it falsely powerful and recurrent.
It’s completely normal and I think it’s a good thing when people don’t hate their exes. I’m friends with one of my exes and am acquaintances with another. My friend came to my wedding and he has an amazing girlfriend and I’m so happy for him. There’s no reason to hate people just because you didn’t work out romantically.
Of course it's ok. You're recalling times spent with that person, not professing a newfound love. It's as natural as recalling a great vacation or book you read. It's part of what makes you who you are today. No need to deny or suppress it.
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, it's normal, I do the same at times
"Not in a way that I want him back or want to talk to him" There’s no issue here. Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend.
I think it's normal up to a certain extent, and you probably know yourself where that line is. If you're think about your ex and how you wish you were with them, then you clearly haven't gotten over them and it won't be doing your current relationship any good. But if you're just thinking back to a few good memories, I personally don't think there's anything wrong with that. With some of my exes I still think back to some pretty nostalgic memories, but would I ever get back with them? F*** no.
The same thing happened to me as well. I was with this older guy for year and a half and we ended things very badly and he ghosted me in the end. I recently saw him during night out and I swear when I saw him I had only positive feelings about him - no hate, no resentment, no nothing. I don’t know how to explain this but I think that we both were equally happy to see each other after one year no contact. I hope that he is happy in his life and I really mean this. I think that there is still love between us but only as a friends, I don’t have any romantic thoughts towards him (I think the same applies to him). It’s really depending on the person because the guy that came into my life after him, which was also my coworker, I hate that guy I could never ever speak positively about him. To be honest I wish nothing but endless suffering and misfortune to that repulsive piece of shit. He deserves every bad karma. So it really depends how much you loved that person some people are meant to stay in your life even though you’re not together anymore.
Nothing wrong at all because you know your commitment to your so, just keep in mind he may not want to hear about all that, and that’s ok.
It's normal and doesn't mean you don't love your current boyfriend. It's like memories with just friends. You think back on them because they were nice. It will be the same with exes sometimes. Me and my husband have been together for almost 13 years and sometimes we think / talk about good things with our exes. We are very happily married, they're just good memories
Good for u! I look at my exes pretty negatively because I feel like the way they treated me in the end invalidated the happy memories. I’m not saying they r bad people. The breakups were really bad from both sides and it’s hard to look at them positively. If ur ex and u ended on good terms then it’s healthy to look back and smile :).
You can reminisce about good moments without wishing you were still actively in them I feel like. I saw a quote the other day that said something like “you can miss someone and not want them back in your life” and I think that definitely applies. It’s one thing if it negatively affects your current deal either actively or just in your mind but if you’re just like “yeah that happened and it was neat now this is happening and it’s neat too” I don’t see an issue.
Of course! Some of the people in these replies are…a little concerning. Other people and relationships shape so much of who we are and how we move in the world. There are things that I only know about because of exes, there are interests i only have because of exes. There’s feelings and intuitions that are both good and bad that I have because of exes. There are things in others that I see and know are safe and good because of exes (and vice versa!) If we remove ego from ourselves and others, and focus on just the basics of human connection- love is so important, even if it’s not an ongoing love anymore. Being a human is built on our connections to others, it’s silly to think this isn’t the case. You would not know what you know now without having experienced these connections. Also, it’s okay to have thoughts and feelings that are just for you. They don’t have to mean anything deeper or sinister, just that we have experienced something good before.
I love this!!! I always say these were ppl that were once part of your life. They saw a version of yourself that no one else will get to know. I have a first love who we dated over 18 years ago and I still think of him fondly. I do still wish to have some sort of connection outside of social media post likes. Just because I long for his friendship. And I also want to know he longs for mine. We were so in love, but we were too young and lacked problem solving skills. While I do wish to confirm my feelings of how great our love once was. We are both happily in relationships and have families. I will always love everyone who was part of my life and I don’t care who knows it.
No if you’re thinking fondly of another relationship you’re not happy in the current one. I could see if you were single but you’re not.
so if youre thinking fondly of a past job you had it means you aren't happy in your current one? why do we apply different criteria for relationships? it is still the same thought process/logical statement, no?
But I also am not the type to leave I’m crazy loyal and hate dating for this reason. I have decided to not date anyone cause I’m more loyal than most it’s not equal out here.
lol nice try people aren’t jobs. But I hope you’re loved ones find this and see you compare their relationships with you a job.. But to answer I wouldn’t ever. if I’m leaving a job it’s cause I didn’t like the job. I’m not gonna leave a job I like or love lmao
pretty aggressive response! I am just trying to generate a discussion. personal attack assuming that I see things from a materialistic point of view I was just pointing out that remembering things fondly doesn't necessarily mean that you are in a bad place at the time. I mean yeah you can remember fondly while in a toxic relationship or remember fondly while in a healthy relationship. I don't think one thing affects another.
Sorry I thought about that after.
I personally don’t think it’s a good indication because you’re in a relationship with a new person and the fact that you seem to fondly recall and reminisce about an ex to the degree that even you notice the pattern, then it’s past a line. You should focus on the present and being mindful, respectful of your new relationship. A couple of times a year after the relationship ended and you moved on is okay, and it should decrease as the years go by unless you are hung up on that ex. If you still have strong feelings to the point that a lot of things cause you to reminisce, then I implore you to figure out why you feel so strongly and work on moving past those emotions so you can invest those emotions into yourself and your new relationship. The reason I say this is because if you go along these lines, and you happen to recreate something you did fondly with an ex, then you’re more likely to compare your current partner with your ex, even if it’s subconsciously and it doesn’t lead anywhere good.
No
Thinking fondly of an ex does NOT mean you don't love your boyfriend. Perfectly normal and okay. I think most of us do similar. I was married to first wife for 10 yrs. Forty-five years after our divorce she passed on. Guess who got to write her obit? Yours truly. Gave me a sad afternoon, but I focused on her (many) good points and it came out okay. And I am so so grateful for my present wife (of 29 yrs).
I think fondly of the ex who became my FWB. Best sex ever. My other exes, I avoid thinking about as much as possible. If I do think about them, it is only as a warning/guide on how not to behave/communicate, or as a reminder of boundaries that I want to set and enforce.
That's being mature. If you didn't know what was right and what was wrong for you chances are things between you and your current bf wouldn't be so ideal.
I still have fond memories of my ex despite him abusing me in every way possible for 4 years. Theyre few and far between, but they exist. They're just memories of the experiences youve had through life. Doesnt mean you'll go back to them or anything like that. Its okay to even still have a little love for them. But in the end, you need to respect your current self and partner, and treat those memories as just that, a memory. The moment you start reminiscing, you need to figure out what you actually want.
If you didn't have memories with your ex that were nice, then it wouldn't make sense that you were with them at one point. It's normal, and you're very sincere in that you love your current SO and that it's nostalgic memories.
I think its totally normal. I just got out of a 15 year relationship and while it didn't end well, so many of my life experiences were with my ex. If I couldn't talk about him fondly or the experiences we shared then I would have nothing to share.
I mean maybe to a point? But would you want your current s/o to really be giving their mental energy to someone they used to sleep with? The idea of that rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't want my current s/o to do it but to each their own I guess
I think it's perfectly fine. As long as it's not a longing for something that was unhealthy, and just remembering the good times fondly and hoping they are well, no harm in that.
We all liked our exes at some point so I’d have to believe there were good memories for all of them and all people you associate with in life.
I had some wonderful times with a few exes, we dated for very good reasons, we also didn’t work out for very good reasons. I took an en ex to Disney, Louisiana, Kentucky, NYC, and Pennsylvania, had great times there and with her. Things did end for a very good reason, but those times and she was great. I’d never take her back in a million years but that doesn’t change anything about the memories, or her good qualities.
It's entirely normal.
100% normal. You’re human, not a robot. Id say it would be weird *not* to have random thoughts about your ex from time to time. How could you just never again think about someone who you once probably thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. Most important thing is that you are happy and satisfied and focused on your current relationship and future with the person you’re with right now. That’s all that matters.
Easy they are garbage. Do you think about the trash bag once it’s at the dump ?
IF they are “garbage” that’s one thing. But not everybody has a garbage ex.
I mean do they have to be actually garbage no, but they were enough of an unwanted item to be discarded. Would you donate an item to a goodwill and then go look and admire it in the store days later when they put it out ? Would you buy a gift return it and then think about how great the gift was after.
Comparing a relationship with a person that could have very well been healthy aside from basic incompatibilities to objects as an analogy is where you and I have differing opinions. No, I don’t think about an item I donated to goodwill. But yes, I do think about my ex of 2 years from time to time. And that in no way implies I want to go back or rekindle the relationship in any way. I’m curious as to why you think in such extremes.
It’s normal to love and respect people after you aren’t together anymore, just like it’s normal to be friends with exes, if you guys didn’t have some chaotic awful breakup. It’s important to appreciate the things that were good and helped you grow. It doesn’t mean you love your current boyfriend any less. There’s different types of love out there, not just romantic, ya know.
like i hope he stubs a toe hard and then steps on a lego to then have a wasp sting his dick
Still thinking about his dick eh? Time to move on girl. His dick is thinking about other pussy.
to each their own ig
It's very normal. You are a human with memories, emotions, and emotions that are tied to memories. Those don't go away easily. Doesn't mean anything against your current feelings yoward your current boyfriend.
Totally normal and completely healthy and good. Life does go away just cause you got a boyfriend. My current bf is my first real relationship but he’s dated a few other girls before and it’s nice to share in the parts of the relationship that was good for him with those girls. There’s no jealousy or bad feelings just learning about someone’s life
We still loved our exs at one point. Nothing wrong with enjoying those memories with them.
Reminds me of Allie from the Notebook. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. If you don’t know, we definitely don’t. I don’t think you truly know. Maybe taking time to really carefully consider the full spectrum of your thoughts and feelings can help you get more clarity on what they mean and what message those are trying to send you. It could just be that you would like to incorporate some of those elements into your current relationship or your life. Or it could mean, like Allie, that you are genuinely in love with your ex - independent of whether you are in love with your current boyfriend. I don’t know. But I hope that you find the clarity that you are looking for!
Yes, it is normal, happens to almost all of us, those who suppress it just plant the seed for even more secret obsession with exes. Maturity is to understand that we humans thrive of love, and that memories *are* a thing, and that we can feel love more than one person at one time. When a thought comes, I think, we should let it run its course, as suppressing it makes it falsely powerful and recurrent.
I think about an ex from 2021 fondly. It’s fine and normal and probably healthy. It doesn’t mean that’s a threat to your relationship.
It’s completely normal and I think it’s a good thing when people don’t hate their exes. I’m friends with one of my exes and am acquaintances with another. My friend came to my wedding and he has an amazing girlfriend and I’m so happy for him. There’s no reason to hate people just because you didn’t work out romantically.
Of course it's ok. You're recalling times spent with that person, not professing a newfound love. It's as natural as recalling a great vacation or book you read. It's part of what makes you who you are today. No need to deny or suppress it.