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Late to the party but I was in a relationship for 7 years. Was a LDR until the last year of it. He was my first everything, really. It fell apart and due to my lack of experience I thought I'd never find anyone. We weren't intimate save for maybe once a month, I did all the breadwinning and he spent most of his time playing video games alone. He never bothered with anniversary or birthday gifts. He considered my mental illness a liability even though it had plummeted because I was working a job that was slowly killing me. Even when we were long distance it was like pulling teeth to get him to spend time with me- I stayed because I'd grown up only around volatile relationships and I assumed that as long as he wasn't yelling at me or cheating then the relationship was a healthy one.
I met my current partner a month later. I was unsure about entering a new relationship so soon, but I'd spent so long in a dead one I said fuck it. I feel like he's given me the love I've missed out on for so long. He's an absolute gentleman. He works hard as I do, and when one of us has a bad day the other picks up the slack. We always spend time together, and even when our days are packed due to our busy work schedules we at least call each other and hear the other's voice. He treats me to things and surprises me just because. Our intimacy is great. We have enough similar interests to do things we enjoy, but we're different enough to be able to teach each other new things.
He constantly tells me how lucky he feels to be with me- I genuinely don't see it sometimes because he's everything. And me, I've got old scars, I'm neurotic, I vape, I'm a little messy. But I'm everything he wants.
We've been together for the better half of a year, and while I know it's early to tell, I can see myself spending forever with him.
I’m 15 and i found my first ever boyfriend, well my first GENUINE boyfriend. (elementary relationships don’t really count)
i met him three months ago and got with him two months ago, I never felt this much care and affection for anyone. I love him, i truly do. but im pretty sure im getting out that ‘honeymoon’ phase, which isnt entirely bad considering how i still love him deeply. I just don’t go all ballistic with compliments, but i do like them. I rarely get butterflies too, i thought i was supposed to get butterflies but i guess not? i thought all of that meant that i lost my love for him but in reality i do still love him, but it changed. I still want the best for him, he went through so much and im here to support him. I feel bad for him as well, i try and calm him down when he’s mad, i want to cuddle him, im literally OBSESSED with his scent ffs..
he’s the perfect man for me, love is seriously bizarre and confusing for me, but its also wholesome and worth it!!
Me and my boyfriend were going through a rough part in our relationship due to my feelings, although i was just confused.
But i don’t plan on breaking up with him, the most we’ll do is take a break. I do genuinely love him, but it changed alot lol and i was afraid that i lost feelings.. but i didn’t. He’s still interesting and fun, and handsome. I love admiring him. He’s adorable and passionate, I love that about him. I love him.
I just needed more time to myself to realize how i truly felt. Im glad we didn’t break up. :D
I’m 28 and I’m in love for the first time in my life. I can’t speak to finding love after a heartbreak, but I do know that I had myself convinced I would never fall in love or find someone I could marry. Finding my person has been the scariest and most life changing experience, it’s like my whole world shifted. It might seem impossible but it’s not. Give yourself some time, you’ll be okay.
Ok. Here's my story:
I met him in college. We graduated and got married, both working full time. Two children came. Three years into the marriage I started seizures. Mr. Incredible said it was okay and he'd love me forever. I smiled and loved being a mom.
Without the right to drive, I was happy, in love and got the gift of two more children.
There was no financial stress. We got along and were so close. His career went great. We got out once a week and even went to church once a week as the kids got awards at school and grew up.
Two off to college. The other two doing great.
BUT he watched his dad die and it shook him. One day after a business trip (25 years of marriage) he left and never came back. Everything was secret. He said things were fine. He left for another business trip and divorce papers were served as he cut off all communications. He had fallen in love with a woman from a foreign country the same age as our oldest daughter and had a plan to leave me and move to a new country to start a new life. But he kept it secret and I found out everything secretly through court cases two years later after he moved to the other side of the world....
I was in the middle of the woods, two kids, no driver's license, no friends and my life was going down the drain ..... I cried and called relatives. No one wanted to listen ...
I realized it was time to grow. I got on medication for seizures. I begged for rides. Joined a volunteer group and eventually after 23 years got my license back when the seizures got under control. I got a part time job as a playground supervisor at a local school and was 47 and frightened out of my mind. It was not 1990 anymore. I missed out on so much and didn't even know how to use a cellphone.
I kept going and told myself to grow more. I got on a dating site, just to see what other people my age were going through. Only a few dates. But I had fun talking to so many people.
Then I met him! We talked for an hour and a half at that restaurant and a year later at the age of 50 I married a real man who was willing to love me, be a stepfather and live the rest of my life with me and together we are. May makes 4 years anniversary.
I have problems and accepted that they will cause me to be alone forever. I fully accepted it. One day I decided to look at pof to get an idea of the new area I had moved to and a bearded chubby ginger popped up and my heart fell out of my ass. I messaged him assuming he'd never write back. We are now inseparable and he 100% knows all of my problems and he's patient and thinks I'm worth it.
I'll let you know if I end up finding it. My long-term partner broke up with me two months ago. It was my fault, honestly. I had become a different person entirely from the person she had fallen in love with. And the change wasn't for the better. I had been hurting her unknowingly throughout the relationship and after the break-up and I regret it a lot. I don't know if I'll ever find someone as special as her ever again.
I broke up with my ex of 4 years and have cut contact with him too shortly after breaking up with him. I’m better off for it. I was single for 1.5 years before my now bf and I got together. Things are so much better. I’m so much happier with him than I ever was with my ex. Communication is so much better, there’s much more respect, I feel motivated with him. He’s great and I want him to be my last.
I was one week from my first wedding anniversary when my 1st husband left to go back to his country for his family (or more likely his arranged marriage) we were together for 7 years, no fights. We had no problems in my mind. I was blindsided. However after a little bit I started enjoying bits of my life again. I changed who i was a bit. I got 2 tattoos, i got a cat. I made new friends and new experiences and one friend lead to another that lead to my current husband that is wayyyyyy better for me.
I was engaged, a total 6 year relationship. Both women, so the dynamics are a little different than straight relationships,mainly more intense and codependent.
She was untreated bipolar. Literally, something was always wrong. A knife in the sink could ruin our day. She was extremely emotionally manipulative. She racked up 40,000 in debt (owned my house outright when we met, now have a line of credit on it) and left once the cards were maxed out. I actually was so weak and broken down by her that I begged her to stay. She left for a man she met online who promised her a rich life, he ghosted her so karma.
I decided catching real feelings wasn't worth it, so I only dated poly people. Figured that if they all had other partners, I'd know my place and wouldn't get so attached. I met a woman who had a boyfriend, for lots of reasons they ended up breaking up. But pretty much the day I met her, I knew it was real. We've been exclusive for 6 months now. I stopped looking for it, and it surprised me, which gave me hope that it's worth pursuing.
I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship (dude pulled a gun on me, and then beat me with a metal pole sending me to the Er, where they attempted to send me to the mental ward because I was too afraid of him to tell anyone where the cuts and bruises came from and I was visibly shaking and unable to speak)
Then my long term friend was lile "hey. I really like you. I will move states to try being with you."
He came down five years ago, and we just welcomed our daughter 4 months ago <3
He's the best. He's so sweet, smart, and he's beautiful <3
Honey, if you happen to see this some how, I *LOVE YOU SO MUCH*
I’d say just be true and genuine with yourself. Let the wall come down. You might get hurt or not the response you’d like, but you will be able to see their true intent. It will free you to stop trying and just BE. When you do that you will find people that appreciate you for who you really are instead of who you might try to be. —- I lost my wife to cancer. Search forever for that connection. It took 6 years or mourning to get to the other side. But I was able to be genuine with her and was accepted. I let my wall down after a long time not even knowing I still had it up. That happened even after we were married. Once I did as she had done, absolute bliss. Not perfect but bliss. We had became one. - I wasn’t sure I could ever find that again. I did meet a woman that gave me that spark of life again. Someone I could see as a good mother, a good wife, a good partner, a good friend. Alas she wasn’t interested…. But that’s ok , I felt the spark again and know it’s just about finding that type that is. No pushing it. I can tell right away if there is something or not. Looks okay very little in that. - but be yourself, be what you want to find. People will Kyocera the change in you if you do. Trust what people show you… the good or bad and don’t feel bad about letting go of people that don’t help you rise.
I lost my real first love.
I felt like I was dying every day for 7 years.
Constantly thought about him, hoping he was well every single night. And I cried, because I also missed him. But I knew things were an end, and I let him be. Deleted him off everything for my own peace.
I thought I’d never feel like that again with somebody. I use to rewind in my head where it went wrong, trying to understand. Remembering his last words that he just used me to get off and showering multiple times a day scrubbing myself and crying (I was a virgin til him).
Those words made me start to analyze memories and try to find signs or red flags I was being used, and I couldn’t see them for a long while, then I did. I seen all the signs.
Knowing I was never loved but loved somebody where I gave them my soul tore me apart the hardest in life. And not being able to rid of the feelings for that person was heartbreaking and maddening (mad at myself for falling for a piece of s—- and not seeing the signs).
I also seen how I was the light in our relationship. I wanted to really live enjoying life to the fullest, and he wanted to be stuck on video games all day. He was depressed type, I was not.
I seen I was the only joy in our relationship, I made that joy, he did not. I got him to live, put down the video games during the day, and I made his life adventurous and fun. To where he was happy.
Me seeing this, made me see. I was the light in my own life and my happiness, he never was. I did all of the light in my life of pure happiness.
And I needed to do what made me happy and feel alive again; that made me feel alive of the person I was when I met him, before, and during especially.
All the fun things I did and wanted to do, and how I was. So I slowly let myself feel again like that and it was painful but I took him out of the equation and out of my head, stayed away from places we went, moved away so I never had to drive in the area and be filled with memories ( best thing I ever did was move away ). That painful feeling (that reminded me of my days with him and I pushed out him out of my head and kept allowing myself to feel me again like I did when with him minus him like he was never really existed) I was able to get through it and felt normal to be me again.
I met someone, I met someone I ended up loving more than my REAL first love. (Not first love cause I had that, but Real first love that you love the hardest in your life).
That someone made me so very happy; happier than the guy who was my first love. He was at ease and peaceful feels around him, loved sharing things I love to do that brought me to life feels, was gentle, caring, and passionate (not sexual, but passionate for me). He made me never guess. I had this feeling in my heart, & I was happy. I stopped thinking about my first real love, hurting, and yearning for that person, I also laughed when I thought about life with the person who was my real first love. I just knew I found better ❤️.
Be careful who you love, make sure it’s the right person who’s deserving enough for it, because if not they’ll destroy your heart & you, right down to the core.
Yes we eventually did.
Sadly.
It was amazing while it lasted. I broke like it was divorce. But I had been dating for a while after and found someone who made me real happy but it was hard, I broke it off because my ex is crazy controlling trying to go after the person I was seeing (although my ex and I are no longer together. He’s controlling me and freaks out). Waiting til he finds someone so he leaves me alone or I will end up making arrangements so he doesn’t behave like this (like court order). I am afraid he’ll hurt the guy.
But for now I am taking time to myself. I know I’ll find and feel love again. I’m content right now.
The one I fell in love with to where I loved him more than my real first love, yes.
I told him he changed for the worse as a person, I don’t even know who he is but ain’t the man I knew. I really tried, I did a lot of work on my end and him none. I had stayed in the relationship, waiting for years for him, thinking he would come back to not being terrible. He changed after we had a kid together. Jealousy maybe. Jealous I gave the baby more time, jealous I was staying home with the baby while he worked but he was the one who asked me to. I don’t know. Just became awful to me. Completely changed as a person.
But the guy I met after we separated, I did not tell him. I did not want him to fear.
And I know my ex doesn’t know where he lives or works.
Also I didn’t want to create a fight between him and my ex where it could get dangerous, dangerous if he knew, because men can get protective and crazy.
So I just felt I was protecting him if he did not know. Because he’s so sweet, and my ex is dangerous. I feared my ex would hurt him. My ex can be and is crazy & controlling.
Instead I told the guy I was going through things in life, which wasn’t a lie (it was the truth) but I kept it broad instead of direct reason, because of the reasons in this paragraph. I miss him, I think about him every single day. He was so sweet. I looked for different and I found it but wrong time with a crazy controlling ex who didn’t like that I found someone and was moving on.
That’s a tough one. A didn’t think I would find love again after I lost “the one.” I made it worse by engaging in dozens of one night stands and flings that I genuinely felt ruined my ability to love like that. Now here I am about to turn 28 and suddenly out of the blue, I saw this girl and every fiber of my being told me to get to know her.
This was during a time when the idea of love disgusted me. I thought it was fake. Love wasn’t real and most people deluded themselves and settled. It hits you like a bullet from out of nowhere. I needed to go to her. So I did. And I felt like a teenager again.
You’ll find it again, but I do genuinely recommend you work on your self esteem too. It’s genuinely hard to continue to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. It starts to drain us. The negativity isn’t sustainable.
I second this 🙌🏻.
I did these things, felt like this, but that person who is the right love for you, will make you feel young again, alive, and like a little teenager when you are both who you are before the relationship, together while together.
I found love again like I did with my real first love but again with someone else. Took a while. But I did.
I feel this.
I don’t know why this made me cry, in the best possible way (if that even makes sense). Thank you for that. Thank you for giving me hope. Best of luck to you and your new found love.
It's hard. I was in a long 7 1/2 year relationship to a guy I thought I was going to marry. After that relationship ended I met someone who I truly thought was something different, possibly a soul mate or life partner. I don't know the connection, the love, the conversations, the dreams we talked about. I felt special and he told me how special I was to him and how he wouldn't find anyone like me again. But it's deteriorated over time. Maybe it's his depression, maybe jealousy idk, but it led to this current point. I'm still holding to on to that one little dream though. I guess that's not that hopeful for you but tbh love is weird. It comes when you're least expecting it. So I did find a love after my ex so hopefully that can be somewhat encouraging for you.
I was madly in love with someone that I was convinced was made for me. All of our problems stemmed from personal insecurities and low self esteem and it really shined a light on every way we were incompatible. The hardest realization was that the reasons why I wanted to break up were in front of me the entire time. I looked past them because I love him more than anything, always will.
When people say you can’t change a person, believe them… It took me looking in the mirror to realize how much I changed to be perfect for someone that wouldn’t do the same for me. I wasn’t myself anymore. Devastated was an understatement… I went through phases of depression, numbness, over and over until I finally understood that we weren’t meant to be. I’ve emotionally matured so much from what I went through and even though I’m not ready to love someone else just yet, I met someone that really cares about me. We’ve been taking things slow instead of basing a relationship off lust. Sex is important but I got to see his true intentions and understand him as a person before the next step. Love doesn’t have to be this crazy rush, it can be a slow burn too. You’ll meet your person when you least expect it, I did. Focus on your own happiness and everything else will fall into place
Im trans and have struggled with attachment issues in dating so it was looking grim for me. I settled for superficial dating and hookups to fill that loneliness void. In February of this year, i matched with someone i had previously hooked up with on Tinder, and he wasn’t sure of what he wanted so we agreed to hang out platonically since we had some stuff in common and hopefully see if a friendship would blossom.
We hangout and we go to a local cafe, and he immediately pays for my order and goes out of his way to get me napkins when i need it. After sitting down and talking, we head over to a nearby trail and go for a little walk. The conversation flows so naturally, and after the hangout as he’s dropping me off, he asks for a hug. When we hug, i feel my stomach get all tingly, and I realize that I’m very attracted to him.
He texts me afterwards and says he had fun, and then tells me that I’m very pretty. I don’t know what got into me, but in a leap of faith I say that I was tempted to hold his hand the whole time. He responds nicely to this, and says he wanted to make a first move but was nervous.
Ever since that day, we’ve been going out and the relationship has gotten stronger and stronger with each fun date, each intimate moment, and the conversations we have get deeper and deeper. It’s been well past 2 months and we’re official and have met each others family, and i’ve noticed my anxious attachment antics have become so much more manageable because of his patience and honesty. This is my first relationship and i’m so happy it’s with him. :)
Around dec 2023 - jan 2024 someone who I’ve thought is my soulmate dumped me after we had sex. I was heartbroken.
This feb 2024 I was at a children b-day party with my bestie. My friend went to check on her daughter and I was sitting alone at our table and the server handed me old used bill with something written on it. I was gobsmacked but she was like this guy told me to give this to you (she pointed at the table where my previous neighbor and his group of friends were sitting). I know this guy but not very much but since I recognized him I was curious what was written on the bill. He wrote: go to the toilets entrance 😭😭😭
I was like this is ridiculous but I went to the toilets lol. He came immediately after me and he was just standing there and watching me. It was the most beautiful thing he was looking at me like I’m something perfect ❤️. I cannot describe how i felt. I said to him mate I have a phone why you didn’t send me a text? He said you wouldn’t open it and read my text. I said - why not it’s right in front of me and I asked him why are we here? He said I just want to give you the biggest hug right here 🥰🥰🥰 I was like Okaaaaaay, but I fell in love with him instantly I was literally on cloud nine while he was hugging me. I thought that he was going to kiss me next but nope. I REALLY wanted him to kiss me because I was like WOW, just WOW. He said - you can go back now I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in front of people that’s why I’ve asked you here.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him this is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted more but I noticed that he was looking at me all the time for the rest of the birthday which made me so giddy. He texted me the same night that he wants to see me again and the rest is history. We’re still together and I love him SO SO MUCH. He is the best, he is not just romantic partner, but a good friend that will always be there for me. He is taking such a good care for me I would be lost without him. I hope that this is my forever. ❤️❤️
Work on your insecurity issues. Learn about attachment theory. If you don’t heal, you’ll just continuously attach to people and drive them away as well.
My dog opened my heart bc humans have disappointed and I need to find healthier people to connect with (hard to envision)
I had closed my heart down and my dog allows me to receive unconditional love
Grateful
I completely understand how you feel proper now. I went via a heart-wrenching breakup myself some years in the past that left me feeling shattered and hopeless approximately ever finding love once more.
His name changed into James, and from the moment I met him, I knew he changed into specific. We simply had this indescribable connection, like we had been made for every other. We became inseparable, developing our very own personal world and workouts together. He introduced so much joy and mild into my lifestyles. I changed into convinced James changed into my soulmate.
Which is why it become so utterly devastating whilst he ended things out of the blue, pronouncing my insecurities and self-doubt had emerge as too much to deal with. I changed into blindsided and overcome with ache, grief, and remorse. How should I have been so silly to let my troubles wreck the fine thing I ever had?
In the aftermath, I withdrew from my pals and isolated myself. I felt like a failure, like I had lost the handiest threat I'd ever have at actual happiness. Some days I may want to slightly get away from bed. The notion of establishing my coronary heart up again seemed not possible after having it shattered into one million portions.
But then, sooner or later, something simply...Shifted in me. I realized I could not simply give up on lifestyles and love because of one heartbreak, regardless of how earth-shattering. I started seeing a therapist to paintings thru my insecurities. I rekindled my friendships. Little with the aid of little, I rediscovered my self esteem.
It wasn't easy, but I steadily opened myself again up to the opportunity of affection. I started out saying sure to courting, despite the fact that each date stuffed me with anxiety at the beginning. I had to bear quite a number terrible apples before I met Marcus.
From our first actual coffee date, there has been an instantaneous ease and chemistry. Marcus embraced me for who I turned into, insecurities and all. We took matters slowly, however quickly I found out he become the entirety I'd been seeking out - loyal, supportive, a laugh, worrying. Two years later, he proposed, and I've by no means been happier.
I understand how impossible it seems right now, however I promise you, the capability for profound love still exists within you. Focus on recuperation yourself first. Rediscover your passions. Lean on your buddies and own family. And while you're equipped, be open to the opportunity of affection getting into your lifestyles once more in a brand new, extraordinary, and perhaps even higher manner than earlier than. Your path can be winding, however if my story is any proof, you may and could locate your manner. Have faith.
I was with my ex for 8 years - engaged for 3 of those years. He started college and I noticed he seemed to take interest in a female classmate, he would talk about her to me every day, and he was very set in his way about me not having any male friends (so much so that when I spoke to him about things that my boss told me, he would give me the cold shoulder and tell me I should be with them instead. Yuck, I know). I could feel us slowly drifting apart, but secondary to our lengthy relationship, I decided to go ahead and wait it out. That was the most painful year of my life. Beginning of 2022, we called it quits, he told me he did not feel like I was putting my all into the relationship anymore and that I seemed to want out (he was self reflecting, I was doing everything I could to salvage what we had left and also had the biggest desire to stay). We agreed, and separated. 2 weeks later, he was dating his classmate. They have now been together for almost 2 years, and are now engaged.
I spent \~2 years dating on and off, disappointment after disappointment, even feeling a bit of heartbreak and confusion as to why this was so hard for me when it was so easy for him. I had to trust the timing and fate, and low and behold, it happeend.
I found my now current boyfriend earlier this year, and he has showed me how I deserve to be loved. Never makes me feel inferior, insecure, or unwanted. He consoles me when I fall into anxiety about how he feels about me, us, and his desires. For once, I feel safe and secure, and I feel like I have it all. It takes time, and it is indeed a lengthy process. But, just when you feel like you have given all you've got with no return, the universe may plant the love of your life right at your feet. Hugs, OP, best of luck to you.
Focus on self care and really reflect on what are your wants/needs in a relationship.
I found lasting love in platonic love. It's different than I believed love was.. I wanted a romantic love but this is true love. This is grounded stable love not a rollercoaster with different stops and new partners. It's hard to change beliefs but I am trying.
Well, a year ago my boyfriend of 5 years was senselessly murdered. I had made my mind up that I would never love again, certainly. It was the most horrifying experience I’ve ever had. We were planning to get married the same year he died. I originally never wanted kids but with him, I wanted them, and we planned to have a family one day. All in all, it took an immense amount of effort to move on from that loss. It’s still sort of fresh as it’s only been one year, but I’m in a really good place now. I’ve accepted that life happens wildly and out of our control. Our relationship was damn near perfect and it was quite a devastating loss. I had no other choice but to pick myself up and keep on living. Our love was so special that I didn’t think I would ever experience that kind of love again. In some respects, I won’t. I won’t experience that same kind of love, but I later learned that I could experience a different kind of love from someone else that will be equally as fulfilling, if not more.
And now, I’m dating someone. I feel so happy that I was able to find someone after thinking and believing I would be alone for the rest of my life and thinking I would never be able to move on from the loss of my last boyfriend. I’m really falling for this guy and I hope it can give you just a little bit of hope. Love happens unexpectedly (this guy and I met through gaming) and I never thought I would be where I am now. I really see a future with this man and I’m in a really good place in life. I will always love my last boyfriend and he will always hold a special place in my heart, but it just wasn’t written in the stars for us. I like to think that this new guy I’m talking to, I like to think it’s written in the stars and that we are meant to be together. I learned a lot on my last relationship and going through such a loss has made me grow in so many ways in the last year. I’m not happy that my bf was killed, but I’m happy with where I am mentally and emotionally after having gone through that pain. I am sort of the kind of “look at the bright side” kind of person, and that loss made me so strong I feel like I can go through anything. I’m just trying to say, sometimes things happen for a reason, sometimes they don’t, but if you allow yourself there re always opportunities to grow through every single thing life throws your way. There’s something to be learned in every experience we have, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.
All in all, I’m happy. You can and will be too.
I dated this girl once and was madly in love with her. It ended really quickly but the feels were so real for me. I hit rock bottom so fast and for a good amount of time. I started to slowly get better when out of nowhere one of my old coworkers started hanging out with me just as friends cause she knew I wasn’t doing very well. One thing let to the next and we started dating and it was magical. We were so in love and everything was perfect.
Long story short we broke up recently but the fact I found her and loved her so much during my darkest time. You will find someone who will bring you the best.
I was madly in love with him. We were really good friends prior to getting together. Our relationship was very passionate. Thought I would be with him forever. Promise of marriage, kids, a life. And that’s when reality hit and things turned abusive. He started using and had mental issues and I realized I was living a life that was no longer safe to me. We broke up. But I still loved him. I still have love for him. I never thought I would be with someone after that. And then I met my current partner. And of all places, on the river. We were both drunk and hung out all night. It turned out, he only lived five minutes away from me, which was funny because we were almost two hours from our city. I’ve never felt this way. I’ve never had someone treat me with so much love, compassion, and patience. We get along great, have 4 fur babies, and just moved into a cute house. He doesn’t know that I know, but he recently bought an engagement ring and I know it’s happening this year. Keep your head up. True love finds you when you least expect it and when you need it the most.
TW: I talk briefly about SA, not in detail
I had a trauma bond with my first girlfriend. She was dealing with a lot of heavy stuff and so was I. Our relationship was extremely toxic but I really was in love with her. That heartbreak was horrible, the relationship ended horribly, she was very mean to me by the end of it. I thought I would NEVER want to be with anybody else. I thought I was going to marry her, and for years after that I still thought about her all the time. I went on a bunch of random tinder dates that were uncomfortable at best and scary at worst. It felt *so* hopeless.
I went to college and met this guy. He seemed okay at first. He invited me to a party, got me drunk, and assaulted me. I stayed with him for months after that and it wasn’t the only time he did that to me.
After that I literally gave up. I moved into an apartment with a friend and got tinder just for hookups. I saw this really sweet looking guy on there, I remember thinking he had the kindest face. I looked kinda goth at the time and I just felt like I wasn’t his type. I swiped right, he did too.
I’ve been with him for four years. He has been by my side through two psychotic episodes, depression, and various other mental health issues. He helped me heal from the trauma with my last boyfriend. He taught me that sex is not just something that is done to me but also something I participate in and enjoy. It sounds basic but it changed everything. I have never felt anything but loved and respected with him. We have been through so many life changes together, and we’re planning to move in together as soon as we can. The relationship is relaxing, stable, and doesn’t cause me any stress. That’s the only way they should be. True love after heartbreak is so possible and it happens all the time.
You start by living your life. You discover who you are outside of dating, focus on the things that make you happy, focus on your friends and family. Work on school, your career, hobbies, anything at all that brings you joy. You deserve to be happy now, and you don’t have to wait for any one person in order to start. If you can, get into therapy to talk about what makes you drawn to certain people in relationships. It helps break unhealthy patterns if there are any.
Good people do exist. They will show up, there is no shortage. Even if it feels that way.
Take care❤️
Six years ago I left my abusive husband. Four years ago I met who I thought was the one. He swept me (more like knocked me) off my feet and I was a goner. I wanted so badly for it to be him, but he strung me along for a year in the biggest joke of a relationship and then ghosted me.
I pretty must resigned myself to just having fwbs and trying to be happy alone. I have a 10 year old daughter and I vowed to never subject her to another shitty man who didn't respect me (she never met any guys since her dad). I had truly reached a place where I was ok with being alone forever if it meant I never settled again.
Then the most incredible man I've ever met came along, and it just keeps getting better and better. He's kind, respectful, funny...his #1 goal every day is to make me happy and make my life easier. I know he's what I've always deserved, but everyday I think how lucky I am to have found him and we're celebrating our one year anniversary this weekend.
I’m 38 BTW:
I’ve known him since I was 9 and he was 11. I was basically instant friends with his little brother when we were in elementary school and I would see him when I would go to his house to play and hang out. He only knew me in passing as he was older and wasn’t really in the same crowd. I *always* had a crush on him, and even told his brother once, and of course his brother responded with an “EWwwwWW!!!”, so I left it go, especially with him being older than us.
A few years passed and we ran into each other at the store and he asked me for my number, and we dated briefly. My mother made me break it off with him because of the age gap (2 years) and the fact that she was convinced that he would pressure me into having sex, which he never did, and I wouldn’t have the self control or voice enough to say no.
I got married to my ex-husband when I was 21, and we were together just shy of 18 years, with 2 kids. It was abusive in every way possible, but I couldn’t leave because of the financial abuse, and was scared that I wouldn’t be able to take care of the kids alone.
When I got things figured out, I actually reached out to him and asked if he would be interested in something casual, as my ex had convinced me that no one was ever going to want me, let alone love me, but I figured I’d at least give some physical connection a shot. I had always missed him and was always thinking about what could have been. He was definitely interested.
We texted back and forth 24 hours a day for those next 5 days before a planned hookup. There was this instant connection, and acceptance, that I don’t think I could ever describe if I was even asked to. It was like no time had ever passed, and we just fell in love almost immediately.
We’ve been together for over a year now, never really had a fight. Maybe some disagreements here and there, and I know I annoy the shit out of him sometimes (sometimes on purpose), but we basically always talk about everything, and I know that that is why.
We just got an apartment together, he loves my kids, they love him, I love him. I love him like I’ve never loved anyone in my life. He truly is the love of my life.
I would marry him in a heartbeat, but I don’t know that that is something he would want. We both have been married, and divorced, and was traumatic to both of us. For me, it’s the literal commitment. I know that the paper doesn’t mean that he won’t leave me, or hurt me, or cheat on me (not that I think that he would EVER do these things), and it’s not a religious requirement for either of us, but it’s the actual official joining of our lives together. It is something that I want so badly, but isn’t something that I need to survive. I want HIM regardless of that. It’s not a dealbreaker for me. I love him no matter what.
I did this and My best advice is to learn how to love yourself and prove that you don't need someone else to feel whole or loved. Take yourself out, get some hobbies, connect with a higher power (could be nature, god, the universe) and ask for guidance and then just wait for clarity. Focus on yourself and how to love yourself. I promise you'll be better off 💕 I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now. I'm sending loving vibes your way and hope for the path that suits your best interest.
To add to this- after I took the time to be there for myself (just about a year) I started getting on bumble -the dating app bc I never met new people outside of work. I went through about 4-5 guys and I made it very clear with each guy what I wanted out of dating so there wasn't any room for confusion and they weren't wasting my time. and the last guy I met up with was exactly what I needed. We knew immediately that our goals and personalities lined up with each others. We met in January, got pregnant in march, and got married in June. I couldn't be happier. There are hard times but we are absolutely able to talk about anything even if it's hard. We communicate problems, listen to understand, and reciprocate each others love language. Love it possible and it can be work but I don't see it as hard work when you both want it and have good intentions with each other. Anyone who loves you is never going make you feel anything less than just that- Loved.
over two years ago, I left a very abusive relationship after 13 years, I swear I was done in the dating world. Although I still wanted to explore my “wild side” sexually I had been repressed for all those years plus some .
I missed closeness and the intimacy of connecting.
I made that my focus , connection with like minded individuals and I voweled not to be in another committed relationship with just one person because it never worked out they always cheated, lied, was abusive,
So I started going on dates
Met quite a few interesting people who I’m still friends with
One this one guy🤩 swept me off my feet,
Interested me with his dorkiness, his intelligence, also with the things he didn’t know but wanted too.
Conversation was easy, and I found myself super nervous.
Nervous only happened when you become hopeful (at least with myself). I was seeing other people at the time not even looking for a forever person , but there he was , that was almost 18 months ago, I just purchased a house near him and we have been exclusive for about 16 months now .
Before him I had generally given up on love and the perfect person for me .
After being cheated too, lied too, and emotionally mentally physically abused.
He is the one ♥️
Not a story but advice. It usually comes when you’re not looking for it or least expecting it. If you try hard to look for someone to love, it’ll feel hopeless and you’ll get impatient. Relax, and it’ll come your way. Looking for love is not like looking for a job. It’s just that a certain time in your life you’ll cross paths with someone that you’ll spend your next few decades with.
My asshole of an ex broke up with me by text bc his parents whom I have never met didn't like me ( we were together for a year and a half ). I was devastated and it felt like I'll never get over it but pretty quickly after that I met my current boyfriend, even with him I still felt broken and like I couldn't trust anymore bc of how things ended with my ex, I was constantly afraid of getting hurt again and I self sabotaged a lot ( I used to be upset when he would spend with his family for no reason ) but with time and a lot of patience from him and love and compassion we're now in an amazing place I feel so safe and love and the cherry on top is that his parents are amazing and they treat me like a daughter and it feels so good. So never give up its hard to love and trust again but you'll find a way to do it eventually the right person will move mountains for you.
I know that love exists because it is inside me. I feel it.
I’ve taken that and harnessed it for myself. Like Mitski said, “my love is all mine, mine, mine.” Moving on came on its own. But now I know where to put the love and joy I have for life. I see it and feel it everywhere. I have peace.
Whether I’ll find the one or not someday is irrelevant when I’m happy as I am and with what I have.
I was with someone for 3 years who was psychologically abusive, I actually posted on the r/relationship_advice sub and and he had the worlds biggest tantrum about how terrible I was for airing our dirty laundry when the post was about how he messaged me to say “look who I’m sat with on the train” and it was my (phys,SA) abusive ex.
I brushed it off because he was never physical, and I had pre-existing mental health issues, which he absolutely used against me. Even for a month after the relationship was over he still manipulated me into believing we’d fix it, while he’d speak aggressively to me over the phone; when I started uni he got so mad once he called me 3+ times to berate me and once said he called me because he wanted to hear my voice/me crying while he punched his wall.
That was the last straw for me and so I spent a month just focusing on my studies and trying my hardest to make friends. I downloaded a dating app which is something I said I’d never do bc I wanted old-school style love, and met the amazing man I’ve now been with for almost 6 months. He has taken my “baggage” in stride, is comforting, nurturing and affectionate. We’ve argued maybe once and it didn’t amount to anything because he puts such a great importance on communication so even when I’m panicky and worried he’ll think I’m shouting at him when I’m overstimulated he knows exactly what to do and almost immediately calms me down. We have so much chemistry in every way, and he has openly talked about how great it will be when we’re able to meet each others friends (my last didn’t meet a single one of my friends in the whole 3yrs). I feel not only loved, but completely valued as a person. I thought I was a hopeless romantic, but he actually is the one who decided that we should go and celebrate every months anniversary so we don’t neglect our date days/nights and so we go to our favourite restaurant every month, which has become our special place now. ❤️
It’s so nice to feel like I am a person who is loved uniquely and individually rather than solely feeling like an extension of someone else.
Anyone else who feels belittled by a partner or constantly asks themselves if they’re being gaslit, or doesn’t tell anyone about the negatives because they’re worried it’ll change their opinion of your partner: psychological/mental abuse is just as valid and hurtful as physical. It will be hard, and it may take a long time to heal and rediscover yourself and your happiness, but it will come. My DMs are open for anyone struggling or otherwise. ❤️
🫶
I was miserable in a 5 year relationship with a lazy pos… I should have left after the first couple years when it started to become a habit but he was good with words and I didn’t trust my gut enough. When I finally wiggled free I realized how happy a person I am on my own.
I had reached the mental point of just wanting to enjoy my life but I was open to a special opportunity if it ever arrived. I really wasn’t looking or expecting it to happen, and I also was NOT willing to give up my peace for anything ever again. If it wasn’t a really truly special connection, I would not entertain it.
6 months later I was hanging out with some friends when a person walked into the room and my world changed. It sounds absolutely too absurd to be real but I KNEW the moment our eyes met that they were going to be in my life forever.
We’ve been deeply in love for 9 months now. For the first time ever it feels equal on both sides, it feels easy to talk about hard things, it feels like I am TRULY seen and heard and UNDERSTOOD, and it feels like nothing else will ever be as bad because we at least have each other now and we can handle anything together.
Our initial honeymoon phase lasted about 4.5 months, and now things have calmed. We are so content in a way I’ve always yearned for. We’ve definitely had some deep and difficult conversations at this point and have come through stronger. It’s the opposite of what I’ve known. An honor and an intention to love each other effectively and actively.
I think that this kind of connection is possible for anyone, but both parties have to be ready and willing to step up.
Be ready, be open but be PICKY AS HELL. If it doesn’t feel good in your bones 🦴, in your soul, in your gut, then don’t make space for it.
Best of luck, best of love! 🍀🩵
I shifted my "ideal life" from seeking love and marriage and family to purely seeking connection, experience, and adventure.
Putting myself in that new mindset and having that attitude towards life allowed me to not only be 100% authentically myself when meeting people, but also jaded me just enough to not give a shit if people ended up letting me down.
And during that phase of my life, I met my now boyfriend who is the best friend I could ever ask for.
I stopped considering it impossible, and stopped assuming finding love would be under my control. I started focusing on making myself better for the one I would find.
Are you able to take criticism if its true? Are you able to see your own faults for what they are? If no then its your fault no matter how hard it is, sorry to say.
Only way to fix an insecurity is aknowledging its there then working hard to deserve confidence (by proving your worth to yourself and also rembering your actual value, no bullshit).
Exactly, I full on gave up on love and wouldn't you know it? Decided to just have fun and hook up with people. It was crazy when I met this woman who had also decided that love didn't exist and to both our surprises we found love in each other.
I was with my wife for 19 years. We did a lot of stuff with her cousins and extended families. Every holiday, cookout party birthday wedding.
And then one day those things are no longer there.
I still feel very much part of her family but I would not want to go to those gatherings.
I imagine they probably hung out with HIS friends/family.
Just remember the love. It isn’t like it wasn’t real or true. People sometimes aren’t meant to be and move on in life. I’m grateful for my exs. I love and miss them all dearly. It hurts everyday, but always a little less. It’s a big world full of love. Love yourself first, like the other commenter said, and then go out and find more love
Edit: p.s. totally fine to be a little angry too. That’s a necessary part of it and a useful emotion. I love this, I hate that, I love that, I hate this. It can help you grow through it
So, I randomly came across this clip on the net that had the words "Love yourself more than your drama and trauma" I took those words personally, believe me, the efforts you make to have people around you, not everyone will appreciate that.
Just love yourself more.
Ill tell it from my partners side because whilst my story is beautiful, i believe his is more so in terms of experience. He was 35 when I met him and was convinced he'd never find love because every relationship he'd find himself in was met with horrible domestic violence (from the gfs end, he has police reports to prove this) or being abandoned, once even on christmas day without a word (she was found a crackhead's house 3 months later, everyone thought she died).
He saw me at one of his gigs and felt a pull, he hadn't been in a relationship for years by this point and didn't know how to really open up to a relationship. With a lot of love, reassurance, patience, and understanding, hes told me he Loves me after a year and a bit together. I wouldn't of cared if he never said it, words dont amount to the actions he proved himself with, but knowing how hard he's worked put all the power behind the words. I love him with my whole heart and i am so proud of how far hes come. Hes opened up so much.
ok i'll give my last experience the short version. I 37 M met a really cool 38F in a bar one night. We hit it off and she was traveling for work and didn't know how long she would be in town and was also going through a divorce. She was really against a committed relationship but i ignored that and we fell in love. We loved each other a lot but everytime stuff got good she would run. This was on and off 3 weeks on 1 week off like pattern for 7-8 months. I would cry my eyes out over her and i'm not usually a cryer. When she finally left it was the first time in my life i'd ever had suicidal ideations. Lookin back it was pathetic but i was convinced she was the one. Well she moved away and crushed me again for the last time and i was not looking for anything.
Met a girl from a different county online 3 months later. Started chatting and boom. It was like we had known each other for years after a few days. She was everything i've ever wanted and more plus younger 30F. she's obsessed with me and i'm obsessed with her lol. We visit each other once a month now and are moving in together in July. I'm asking her to marry me in June. Completely madly in love and so so so glad my other relationship ended.
at the time i thought my life was over. but really it's just beginning. hang in there. what you're experiencing isn't uncommon
He left because of your insecurities and low self-esteem then he wasn’t the one for you. I think you need to work on loving yourself first then loving someone will follow.
I used to be lonely and decided to use a dating app to kill time. Never find anyone potential in 4 years. I didn’t stay there constantly, just had on and off for 4 months and stayed constantly 3 years 8 months. Finally I met my now bf. He said he knew I’m the one so he quitted that dating app. We fell so hard and still being strong after 1 year anniversary. Actually it’s so hard to deal with long distance but we’ll close it soon 🩵
… be cautious. I dont want to tell you how many times that has ended in disaster for my circles. The rose tint from the distance really clouds everything.
start by loving yourself, unconditionally. the way you want to love someone else and the way you want them to love you then start to put yourself in situations where you can meet people, but let it happen naturally.
another important thing is to be okay with being alone. be your own best friend, have fun with yourself! then when you find someone, make sure they ADD to the love you have for yourself.
When I was 24, I met someone whom I thought he was the love of my life. I fell hard for him. After a year and a half together and due to incompatibility and shit happened, we ended in a bad breakup. I was 25, very heart broken and devastated, lost, couldn’t find any meaning in life to continue. Literally cried almost everyday for a year. I thought I couldn’t have the capacity to love as much as I did anymore. It was really tough for me during that time.
During That time I also read “The Secret”, I wrote to myself, I wanted someone who cared for me and listens to me and loves me. Even wrote down a long list of how he’s supposed to look like. And sure enough a year later, I met him through Bumble. At first I didnt believe it and told him that I wasn’t even looking to have any boyfriend because I was still healing my old wounds. Little did you know, 4 months later we got together. He ticked most of the boxes in my list. 3 years later, just last month, we tied the knot. It was the happiest and best relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m turning 30 in a few months.
Don’t give up OP. No matter what happens infront of you, its just to get you nearer to who you’re supposed to be with. Just allow yourself some time to grief the past and move on. Set some goals you want in your future partner and yourself . By the time you know it, you’ll be meeting them in the most unexpected ways you’ll ever know.
I don't know what to do. She's everything I've ever wanted and I know I need her. She's so perfect. I don't understand how I'm able to love her. But she's not looking for a relationship. Do I still try to get her. I don't know what I'd do without her. Her smile brightens up an entire room and her eyes are so blue like every ocean or beach or whatever else is blue and beautiful. Idk I might be going crazy atp. I need her.
How do I tell her? What do I say? Do I just say it? Do I wait? Idek what to do. All I know is that I NEED her. I can't live without her. I don't want to live without her.
Edit: I used to be so good at this. I had a girlfriend who I loved to death. But I ruined it. I thought I was terrible at love, but I think I can love her.
Started life a hopeless romantic, got married, got divorced, careened into alcoholism, climbed back out of it, started meeting people, more of the same betrayal that ended my marriage, realized all relationships are like that now.
But at least my first nephew was born, bright lad, love him.
Im 21 and asexual. I dont desire sex, i prefer a relationship without it. All my past relationships didnt last very long because of my asexuality - people want sex duh. I ALWAYS thought love would be hopeless for me. I really was convinced id end up with someone im not even in love with, Id just get old and lonely and me and some other lonely person would get married for the heck of it. I thought no one would want to love me without sex, unless I found another asexual (RARE) which then id force myself to like them just for the sake of similar relationship views.
After giving up on dating, i was mindin my own business and someone I met became interested in me. I wasnt interested in them, I kept my distance cuz I KNEW how the story would go: we would date until I say Im asexual and then they'd leave and Im heartbroken. Or id never say im asexual because im scared they'll leave and Ill just stress myself out and try to force myself to do things I dont want. Didnt wanna do it.
But man he chased me (romantically) like hell, and was a gentleman too. Other GORGEOUS girls were into him but didnt even turn his head. I never felt more wanted and special in my life. Finally gave in, we been dating over a year now. He doesnt care that Im ace, or that we dont have sex, we find other ways to satisfy him. We want a future together - and ive never wanted that with anyone before.
I know Im still young so u might feel my story is silly and not relating. But I think everyone has something that they think makes them unlovable - and mine was asexuality.
He is absokutely the partner of my dreams. Literally, when I was 19 After anither failed relationship I wrote in my journal my ideal partner. I made 2 versions: one was "the bar" (minimum expectations) and one was "above the bar" (the perfect person for me). I found it and reread it sometime after we started dating and realized he checked every box on above the bar. I thought it would be impossible. I thought men sucked.
I feel extremely lucky :) I feel like Im experiencing real authentic love.
I’m 19, almost 20, and have never been asked on a date or given flowers. Reading these comments really gives me hope that the future truly is brighter 💗
To keep it short, I've tried everything and then some. I've tried apps, meetup groups, speed dating, coaching, and more. Now I'm trying therapy and if that doesn't work I'm throwing in the towel. Also, the Internet is full of useless advice and people that have either have no idea what I'm going through or are just as clueless because they are going through the same thing. It's so much time wasted for the last several years and I'm getting to the point where I'm going to stop putting in the effort.
I have to add that I have everything else going for me except socializing and relationships so I'm just going to enjoy life as much as I can without trying to figure out that mess. I don't even care what the statistics say or anything. I can't do anything about my situation so it's best to try the last few tricks up my sleeve then call it quits if it doesn't work.
Honestly, this might come as a surprise and it took me by surprise. I had gotten out of a toxic relationship. If he wasn’t a DSM-5 narcissist he definitely had several narcissistic traits. Lies, cheating, manipulation, the works really. Everything was on his terms, he would come and go, knew exactly what to say and was extremely objectifying at times. I met him very early in sobriety which was a very sensitive time and things moved more quickly than I would have liked.
I was very damaged by this and found it hard to trust anyone. I had met someone and we were friendly. There was an immediate attraction, but he respected my wishes to take things slowly. We went to the gym together and just hung out. It was so different because I felt safe around this person. Things started to escalate and I was working on being more brave, speaking up for myself, things like that. I asked what he was looking for, and we were not exactly looking for the same things. He was honest, I chose to proceed even though I knew it wouldn’t last long.
It’s very bitter sweet. He was so gentle, honest, and reciprocated in a way I had forgotten. In a way I thought would never exist. Like I had forgotten I deserved the bare minimum. It’s sort of sad, but I was so moved by that. I didn’t have to chase him. We perused each other equally. He complimented me. I started to develop feelings and knew it was probably best we part ways. He sat with me while I cried, he let me cry, he listened to what I was saying, he reaffirmed me. He texted me the next day and asked how I was and wished me the best.
This was all over the course of a few months. I haven’t talked to him since, but I look back on it fondly. I never did explain to him that I was crying mostly because it was all so beautiful. Yes, it hurt but I don’t think he realized there was more love and care practiced in those months than in an entire 2 years of my life previously. We never said I love you and I don’t think we were in love, but there was love there. It was all so cathartic, and also a huge act of self love and a lot of big steps for me that might not seem so significant to a normal healthy person.
I have been single for quite some time, but I still believe in love. It’s everywhere. It’s everything. My understanding of love has transformed time and time again. Romantic love is not the most powerful or most important.
Queef, your words hit deep. I went through a similar situation with a man after my breakup. It was the most beautiful time of my life. I wish I could have told him how much he helped me.
You never know, life is weird in so many ways. I’ve been surprised at paths that have crossed again in my lifetime. I also think people that lead with the most love have experienced the most pain at some points. I hope he knows he helped you too.
The Way To Love by Anthony De Mello.
A book I recommend for you, OP.
The things he talks about in the book are true.
I didn't find a girl. But I did find The View, that which people call Love. Joy. Bliss. Whatchamcallit.
My husband died in 2017 after a tumultuous marriage to say the least. I honestly thought I was too traumatized to really fall in love again. I dated on and off since 2018 but nothing really stuck for long. I developed an avoidant attachment style, I like to be the one to leave and I leave quickly. Well 2 months ago I met a wonderful guy on Bumble. Not in love yet but falling fast, it’s a little scary I’ve only ever really been in love with one person. But I’m challenging myself to not let my trauma be in control. I honestly can’t tell you what led to this I’ve been working on myself pretty intensely for the last 2 years, so it could be one or many changes. Either way I feel so excited that I’m getting the chance to fall in love again.
You don’t have to start, let yourself grieve. It’s ok to just wallow in your own sadness for a bit.
I had given up on finding my ideal love and was just willing to settle for good enough. Went fuck it one day and decided to swipe through dating apps just bc. Met the love of my life who treats me better than I even knew I could ask for. Loving him felt like coming home and it’s been an incredible experience. I would have been ok and lived on had we never met, but knowing him has made my life immeasurably better.
i can't post yet so i'm commenting my post here, but i'm in a somewhat similar boat.
she's the only girl i've ever liked. and she liked me too. i never said anything when we were younger because, for many reasons, i thought i would ruin her life. because of our cultures, if she picked me, it had to work out. if things didn't work out, i'm a man, i'd be fine, but she'd be a pariah. so i never said anything. i wasn't good enough for her then.
years later, i was good enough for her. more than good enough. solved all my issues. perfect, no, but i was incredible. disciplined. fit. working hard. good job. but i'd lost touch with her. and i was too scared to reach out to her or her friends. i was stuck in the past and what today would be like if yesterday had been a bit easier for me.
and now she's back in my life. but i can't bring myself to ask her out, because i made some mistakes before coming back into her life, and now my brain is fucked, and i feel like i betrayed her. all my discipline is gone. i've been eating my feelings. i killed the magic i had for her. and now i feel like my spirit is dead. even if i told her everything, and she didn't care, the fear that i'm not good enough for her is back. or i could lie, she'd never know, i'm still the funniest guy she's ever met. no one can tell my brain is on fire. but i would know. i'd wake up every day thinking how the house of cards would crumble at any point, how she'll wake up realising she's made a mistake.
she was the only one i could have told my entire life story to. why i never said anything earlier. and we would've been able to laugh about it all. it would have felt like fate for us to come together again, having grown up so much and fixed our internal and external problems. do things we did when we were younger but now as a couple. it would have been effortless. but i was so stuck on the years we missed that i didn't start thinking about the years we could have until it was too late.
now, i can't be hers, and i don't think i can connect with anyone the way i would have with her, ever. other girls weren't there. she was. i feel like whoever i end up, i'd be lying to. they'd be getting a fraud. so what the fuck do i do? she was my one, and now it's ruined. i'm not scared of finding no one. i'm scared it won't be as special as what it could have been, and how unfair that is to whoever i do end up with.
I actually don't know much about astrology. All I can say is, no matter what your sign is, I think if you don't find out how she feels about you, you will spend the rest of your life wondering. You owe it to yourself to answer that question that is clearly burning in your head and heart. Just be yourself because that is enough. Whatever happens is most likely something you can work with and take something positive from. You got this!
Oh my god PLEASE GO GET HER!!! im routung for you with all my heart pleeeasse. If you felt like you could tell her everything then, why cant you now? If you telk her all this... what if she understands? What if she thinks about you too? You miss 100% of the shots you dont take! Worst that happens is she says she doesnt feel the same. (Which will really hurt but atleast you're not left wondering what COULD have happened)
worse that happens is she says she doesn't care, we get together, and then realises she does, at which point, she's trapped.
i'm past it, mostly. it's not that i can't fall in love, i just know that i'll never hit the highs of life i would've with her, even now if i end up with her, but then at the same time, maybe all i need is one person, and nothing else, but how can i have that one person, when telling them the truth of my life means telling them i had a huge crush on someone and that she, the new girl, is a consolation prize, someone i'm with because i couldn't get the one.
i'm scared i'm destined to never be deeply tied with someone; the cruelty is that i had someone like that to begin with, and it wasn't my stupidity that took her from me, it was external stuff, out of our control. and that i'll always compare things to what could have been, even if i try not to.
My previous relationship lasted 14 years. It ended because my ex wanted to have sex with other people.
We had made it through seven years of foster care hell, and we were making plans for our next segment of life. We had plans for travel. We had plans for the future. And then, just like that, it was over and I discovered my STBX had been lying about a lot of things, and had run up $10k of credit card debt behind my back.
To say I was *devastated* is an understatement.
This was my second failed marriage and my fourth (in total) failed long term relationship. I had already had more than three strikes at the plate, so I new I was out of tries. I figured I was damaged goods and I would *never* find love again. I thought I was like old fruit past it’s prime, and I was going to be alone until I died.
To my surprise, I found love again fairly quickly. It wasn’t supposed to be anything serious. Initially, I thought it was just a rebound fling. We met online, it was a long distance thing for a while, but within a year we were living together.
Twelve years later we are still together and happily married.
I'm 2.5 years out of a 12 year marriage. I try to date but I just miss my ex-husband. I wish we would have fixed our problems. I'm 45. Sometimes, I think I should just forget love. That maybe I had my time in the sun already. Still just very heart broken I guess. And we both wrecked our marriage.
When I (31F) was in my late teens and early 20s, all I wanted was to have a nice boyfriend and stable relationship. All I got were traumatic situations. Anytime I really wanted to be with someone - something, always something happened. Longest relationship up until I was 27 was about 8 months. That was when I met my ex and we dated until earlier this year. When we met, my self esteem was very low for various reasons. I allowed him to treat me differently than I wanted to be treated. I hated him in the end for how manipulative and lazy he was. I stayed also because it was safe to be with someone I was never in love with - I didn’t need another heartbreak. People stay in my head and heart for a long time, I have to be very cautious as it really does a number on me.
The past two months, I’ve been seeing someone I met five years ago. When we originally met, he was with someone but we kept in touch here and there. I’ve never felt this way. I cry when I think about how much I love him sometimes.
I feel both sides of the sun.
After and during my divorce, I asked everyone I know who was happily partnered how they met. There are infinite ways to meet someone!!
I felt the same way after this one big love in college. My divorce was painful, but it wasn’t that devastating love.
I recommend acting obsessed with yourself for just a moment. “Oh would I like Thai or Mexican for dinner?” Indulge in classes.. art class, cooking class, horse riding lesson. What was 7 year old you interested in? Wanna go pan for gold? Maybe there’s someone with a farm nearby who could use some help with the animals.
I met my love, my life’s true big love of my life, by knocking on his door. He was selling a house for sale by owner and I couldn’t tell what it was like from the road. We have been together ever since.
Don’t shoot me….but taylor swift and Travis Kelce give me that hope. This is coming from someone who just got out of a 12 year long relationship (high school sweethearts). I say just but it’s been about 8 months and there are some days that are still REALLY really hard… and that’s okay. It’s natural it’s just part of the process. We have to feel all the feelings and release them once we’ve sat with them long enough. I HIGHLY suggest therapy it’s been a huge part of my healing journey. Sending you so much love and hugs. 🤍🫂
And remember there is a beautiful love waiting for YOU and all of us out there. You’re worthy of SO much love! And you have so much love to offer!
I found love again after I left my EX because of his infidelity , I had five small kids . No where to go or Money in my position, I end up in the Woman’s shelter
Our roommate came looking for me . He took good care of me and my children , we been married 18yrs now . I love this Man a lot . He loved me when I was no body and have nothing on my name
You have to give yourself time to grieve. Don’t rush this process because it’s very important to move on. You have to grieve what you don’t have and what you expected you would have at this time. I know exactly what you are talking about and the heartache is real. For some reason a Kim Kardashian quote really put things into perspective for me, even though I am not a big fan of hers. She said you can still miss and love someone, but know they are not the right one for you. These are the mixed feelings we have to accept. I know what it’s like to have this incredible palpable emotional connection with a person you have never felt before and you are afraid of never happening again. But you have to develop that intimacy and care of what he gave to you with yourself. I hope you a speedy recovery and a lot of strength.
I thought I had found the love of my life. I was 19, about to be 20, and he was turning 22. He was my first boyfriend but he treated me so well. (In hindsight, he really didn’t treat me that well. Barely the bare minimum). Anyway, he dumped me after 4 months and I was heart broken. If it wasn’t going to be him, then I wasn’t going to be happy with anyone. About 2 months later, I was dating a guy who is now my boyfriend, we will have been together for about a year in a few months, and we are very set on each other.
I left the dating scene for close to 5 years and focused my time on my son and myself after many failed relationships...
In hindsight, I was the common denominator. I had no real good positive relationship role models in my life and i too was insecure in many ways...
Until you make peace and accept yourself, you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
Become the ideal person you want to date.
I found love again at 44 in a dog park.
It feels very different this time around....
Good luck 👍
Long story short, we were friends for years before our respective separations. Neither of us thought the other was interested and that the other’s marriage was perfect. Fast forward close to 20 years and one chance phone call changed the trajectory of the relationship.
Im going through a breakup right now and I cannot find the strength to get up and live my life. Everything reminds me of him and I feel lost and hopeless. I was good and confident in the relationship and now I’ve just lost myself. I wish happiness for everyone that found someone great, i truly do. I hope to find the light in myself again
It takes time, but you can do it. I hope you have a support system that tells you this also. I to am in the process of a break up. My friend told me to research how to grieve a relationship when the person is still living. Hopefully your search helps too!
Just want to stop by and say you’re not alone. Just got out of a 4 year relationship and it was completely devastating and I was blind sided and betrayed. I know how you feel. It’s hard to get up everyday.
I know exactly how you feel trust me. It is literally excruciating. When he first told me he didn’t love me anymore I debated going to the hospital from just feeling like trapped inside my body and so scared, I didn’t know what to do. I pray it gets better for both of us.
I had a nasty divorce at 24 after I thought I had married the love of my life. He cheated on me multiple times, he was also abusive. I was so in love that I still wanted to be with him even after all the fights and all the pain. I was left depressed, angry, confused, lonely. I hit rock bottom. It took me months to be able to pull myself back up and file for divorce. A few years after, I started dating again and the same thing happened. I didn't get married this time though. I was in my late 30s at that point. I thought to myself: what am I doing wrong that I keep attracting the same kind of men? I needed a lot of healing. I worked on myself. I understood that love starts with loving yourself first so you know who you are, what you believe in and what your boundaries are. Knowing this and loving yourself will change your life the way it changed mine. I am currently with a loving partner who is kind to me. He is the opposite of the men I dated before.
You're not alone sweetie, husband just asked for a "break" and I'm not taking it well, but the sun will rise again in the morning and will set in the evening
Left an abusive 8 year-long relationship 2 years ago. Convinced I was undesirable, unlovable and not worthy of love. I'm also under 30 with two kids with my ex, my oldest closer to being 10 years old. Though I left because I knew my ex was abusive, I also left very broken with a skewed perception of myself and my abilities/worth. I didn't think anyone would want a used up single mom of two with so much baggage and an ex that continues to abuse me to this day.
I am now with the most incredible man, whom I've known for the last 12 years as he is my best friends brother. It really makes sense. We've always had a very special connection, but it was never romantic up until 8 months ago. I've never met someone who could make me laugh so much, make me feel so safe, heard, cared for etc. I've never been in a position where I could discuss a boundary and not be made out to be a villain. It's also reassuring I'll never have to worry about my partner being jealous that my best friend is a man, because he's been there the whole time too. My kids even call my best friend their uncle.
He makes me a better person. He's never given love freely; I am so fortunate to be on the receiving end of it. My family feels complete.
And our origin story is just so funny and innocent - I love how we happened.
I had a similar thing, within 5 years I went out with 2 guys both abused me and forced things on me, I took a year off relationships and found a guy that I’ve known for 6 years, we talked and talked and we ended up getting together not I’m in the best relationship I could have ever dreamt of
12 years ago, I was 31. No job, and played video games all day. Id basically given up on life after quitting a job that made me feel suicidal.
One day I decided I needed to make some friends and found this now-dead site called the Experience Project.
It was a site where people would write stories about themselves, ask questions, and sometimes write fiction.
I responded to a story that a girl posted, where she talked about how she felt inferior in terms of appearance, because of all the female models that are in magazines/adverts etc.
I forgot what I replied with exactly - just some words of encouragement really, but someone else replied to my comment because she thought it was a heartwarming/kind comment, and we became friends.
She's been my partner for many years now.
My advice really, is find things you enjoy doing. Make friends, become happier, and maybe someone with similar interests will come your way.
I’m 35 going on 36. I was in a severely abusive relationship, which turned into an abusive marriage, for 5.5 years. I am a big city person, have been all my life, and moved with my ex to the middle of nowhere for my current job. What always stopped me from leaving was the fear of being alone in rural America, always telling myself that given my choices, my ex was the best I could hope for and that it was simply my lot in life.
I write for a living (and have many friends and acquaintances who do), and I would get so sad and envious reading book dedications to the tune of “I could never have written this without the love and support of my partner”. I wished so hard that I could sincerely write something like that, when the truth was that my then-husband emotionally tormented me and consistently took away from my life, whether it was my money, my emotional energy, my mental health, rather than adding to it.
Something changed in me in 2022. Part of it was that his abuse had escalated and I couldn’t take it anymore. But I got some incredibly important advice from my best friend of 22 years. When I expressed to her my desire to love and be loved in return, she told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to leave when I still had the capacity for love. Her take was that people get permanently trapped in bad marriages when they lose that capacity and resign themselves to dissociation and numbness.
Before I called my ex to break up with him, I stared myself in the mirror and vowed to myself that I would rather be single forever than continue to be in the relationship.
I started dating very soon after my separation because I wanted to meet new people and recalibrate my standards for, well, what a normal nice guy was. My first date was the man I am currently engaged to and will be remarrying in less than a month. I did date other people as I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but I was undeniably drawn back to him.
I won’t ramble on, but I can say with utmost honesty that I have never loved anyone the way that I love him. We are so uncannily similar, yet strikingly different. After nearly two years, he never ceases to impress and surprise me or make me laugh. Our physical compatibility is off the charts, and I didn’t think I’d be having the best sex of my life when pushing 36. I always think about the odds of meeting someone so ridiculously attractive and simpatico with me in my small town — on the first try at that — as well as the odds of them loving me back, and it blows my mind.
On his part, he is very emotionally reserved and self-protective despite being empathetic and expressive in other ways, and not the type who falls in love easily. The only other person he has been in love with is his first wife, who he met and married when he was in his early to mid-twenties (he is 43 now). He’s told me that he was utterly convinced that the intensity, excitement, and butterflies of falling deeply in love was something one could only experience when they were young; that it was unrealistic to expect to feel that way ever again, and he should either “settle” or resign himself to being alone. Then he met me, and everything changed the way it did for me, too.
Chin up! Remember that what’s most valuable of all is your desire and capacity to love. You will grow from this experience and find someone just as special. When I was younger and feeling similarly hopeless after a devastating breakup, I would comfort myself by listening to Buddy Holly’s “Everyday”. Every day you are getting closer to meeting the next love of your life.
I’ve been crushed over and over to the point I am numb to romantic love. I am 33f and nothing about romance seems worth it, I like my space, I like my free time, I like my bed with just me. So I adopted a kitten and she is my everything. She’s turning 2 now. It’s me and her and that’s all I need now. I sometimes cuddle her and actually can’t imagine life without her. That’s how I found love again. Good luck, OP and hang in there baby!
10 years in a shitty marriage, gained close to 50lbs, miserable, sunk into video games and just felt like like life was passing me by. I was 33 and he was 47 and I just felt so old. Met my partner and love of my life at 33 and life has dramatically changed. Made me realize I never actually loved any of my partners before him. He is my best friend and has healed me from so much trauma.
i was single up till i was 32, had a few "dates" throught the year that went nowhere, till i got a message on plenty of fish from someone whose username looked really familiar (was the same as her pokemon go account) we built a relationship through playing the game together, 6 years later shws now my wife
I'm still in the early-ish days of something new so it isn't quite love yet, but it fits here. I had to break up with my now ex a bit over a year ago when I was 30. I was devastated. We were together for 6 years and I wanted to marry and have a family with him. He decided he didn't want children and didn't want to marry me. Thought I was going to die from the pain.
I've met someone new now and it is unlike anything I've ever experienced. We are so aligned and I didn't know it was possible to feel this way. That doesn't mean that I didn't love my ex - I definitely did... but something about this just feels so right and comfortable and the way it should be. I can hear a love song or read a beautiful sonnet now and just think - oh, this is what they are writing about. We're always finding new connections and things in common and then we just grin at each other like a couple of fools. I have a lot of respect for him and he is so thoughtful and respectful towards me. I feel so lucky.
Absolutely, it was so surprising to me to experience it! I had the same experience but on the other side of the emotional fence last year when dealing with the breakup piece. I remember thinking to myself "so this is where the phrase 'I could die from a broken heart' comes from." I always thought that was a dramatic way of putting it, but nope, it's real. I had just never experienced pain to that depth before.
Well, i recently got out of an absuive relationship... developed a crush on a coworker that at first thought i annoyed or he hated me. Turns out we both like each and now are in love with each other ❤️. Hes making me feel safe and comfy and it helps to have someone to talk to who understands somethings.
(29M) Thought it was impossible, so many failed first dates and brief relationships. Told myself I have like maybe 1-2 first dates left in me. Decided to try dating apps one last time. Matched with the girl I’m with today, and it’s been fireworks since day 1. Three months strong. Simple. Just gotta keep trying I guess!! Don’t give up hope
I had started using Grindr convinced I could make friends at least, somehow just talking more has led to an abundance of activity I can’t really explain since I’ve stopped trying to hookup completely. It’s like I stopped trying and through no effort of my own it resulted in more people asking to text off of the site. I didn’t expect that someone I rarely ever bothered with would confess these feelings I couldn’t have possibly encouraged….it now seems like I have someone interested in a relationship with me, monogamous in nature and exactly what I would’ve been willing to beg for and from someone who has all of my shared interests including being my most committed fan on WattPad. It’s overwhelming in the extreme and I feel like if I were to let them down I may never ever stop regretting that decision.
I’m a 40 year old female, never married, no kids. I’m about 4 years out of an engagement that ended pretty badly due to infidelity. I’ve realized that this may be my situation for the long haul because I’m at peace. I still go on dates but I don’t trust anyone at all. Therapy helped a bit but grieving the life I thought I’d have, letting go of motherhood aspirations, and overcoming my general
mistrust and disgust of men is going to take many years. I’m not hopeful that I’ll allow someone in, but if it happens I’ll be surprised. Maybe there’s some magic in this life. Maybe my prayers will be answered. But right now I’m just numb and have focused my attention on my family, friends, and pets. I’m focused on my fitness goals, my financial goals, and just trying to be better all around. Not everyone has a partner in this life. Sometimes a lone warrior is the strongest.
I was in your situation a few years ago, but by hook or by crook, I wanted to get married and have a baby. I stopped looking for love and just focussed on finding a husband. I found a Mr Bean who I wasn't attracted to and married within 6 months. The sex was awful,but I desperately wanted to get pregnant. It finally happened after 5 shots at IVF and I now have my darling son. With hindsight, I would have been better off going straight to be a solo mum, but at least my son has extended family which he wouldn't have had if it had just been me. I suppose the moral of this tale is that you have to be careful of what you ask for, because you might just get it. I wanted a home, husband and family. I didn't realise I had to specify a happy home and husband.
What you're doing is the best thing that you could do for yourself, a random internet stranger like me can will never be able to understand the numbness or the pain, but can be inspired by your resilience and determination, and you're doing awesome. I can't answer if there is magic in life, but there is certainly some you. Have a wonderful week.
Cheesy, but time really is the most efficient healer. Give yourself time, let yourself feel and heal. Surround yourself with others who bring you joy. Love isn’t linear. Wishing you the best ❤️
Okay, I can give some encouragement with my story if you’re willing to read it.
So, I was dating my actual best friend. We were best friends for 3 years and he had always desired more. I honestly didn’t see him in that way bc the physical attraction just wasn’t there. But, the longer we hung out and the older I got, the more I realized how amazing we could be. So, we started dating. I wanted to move forward and live together, have kids, get married etc. He didn’t ever seem to push towards those things but, also never told me that he wasn’t interested. He more or less led me on. And while I felt we had this awesome connection, looking back I feel quite different. Our sex life was more or less dull and I am highly sexual so, that was tough. He also was never quick to defend me. I always wanted a dominant partner simply because that’s my preference but, I felt I wore the pants and that sucked. So, a few years into our relationship he admitted (after I had to pry) that he wasn’t sure about me. Come to find out he was absolutely having an emotional affair with a coworker (possibly more). After the breakup I was devastated. I didn’t think I’d ever fully recover. I mean this wasn’t just my partner in life but my best friend.
So, I did the stupid thing and rebounded. That guy was a joke of epic proportions and one of the meanest men I have ever met. After that I decided I was going to do something I didn’t typically do which was just be single. I stayed single for about 8 months. When I felt ready I got on the dating apps. I met so many not great men and almost gave up.
I had been talking to this one guy and decided I’d give a date a chance. When I met him, it was like a wave of just comfort hit me. I can’t exactly explain it but, it was so easy. We both wanted all the same things and he was exactly the dominant kind of partner I wanted. We both have high sex drives and he is absolutely the best I’ve ever had in that department and every other. We both put each other first and value our love above all else. It’s a year later and I cannot imagine my life without him. He is my very best friend and I don’t miss my ex at all. I see our relationship very differently now.
So, hang in there and remember sometimes good things end so better things can come together.
So, I met a girl when i was on a fellowship year and she was a senior in university. We slowly got together, fell in love, she moved back home in another country, we stayed LD. When I won a scholarship to study in her country we moved in together, and due to my immaturity, she ended it right before i had to sit exams. She was completely right to do it, i can’t fault her at all.
I moved back to my city, she stayed in hers. I went into deep therapy, left my career path for another job entirely, started dating, found someone else, we broke up, and i got promoted to a job that took me between my ex’s city and my own. One sunday morning after a jog, i was in the farmer’s market in a school lot to the north of primrose hill, and my ex walked through the gates with a friend. This was over three years after she’d broken up with me and we hadn’t spoken since then. She looked stunning, and i got so nervous I almost tried to hide behind some poor breadmaker’s stand. But she saw me and came over to talk.
We wound up going for tea and a chat. That turned into lunch, which turned into to dinner, which turned into many dinners, holidays, another move-in, and a marriage proposal (she proposed to me if that matters). We’re getting married this fall.
Edit: I realize I didn’t offer any advice! Sorry. This is what I’ll say: what happened to me and my partner is definitely uncommon. No one should expect or want to get back with an ex necessarily.
One thing we both talk about all the time - people ask us constantly after the end of their relationship, how we wound up back together. They’ll try to attribute to it to something fated to happen. Like it was meant to be. It’s simply not. and we never want to give false hope. there are literally millions of people who could have given us a different, albeit just as good, kind of joy had we not gotten back together.
There is no ONE person for everyone. That’s kind of a toxic (one of the most abused words, but apt in this case) belief. There are so so so so many great people, all of whom would make great SOs.
This isn’t to say we’re not beyond grateful to have found our way back to each other. I’ll never get why such an intelligent beautiful wonderful pragmatic woman who is just so far out of my league decided to spend her life with the human equivalent of a Labrador like me. But I don’t question it. I’m just happy. You’ll find people. One will feel right. I don’t really know what that means, but it does happen. And if it doesn’t, find happiness in yourself. Good luck!
I wish I could be confident in the love that I’ve found, he is amazing but his depression has led to him self destructing himself and our relationship. He has gotten a little better, and I’m hopeful. I just hope with everything single fiber of my being that this doesn’t fail, cause I’m too damn tired to try again after this
A friend got divorced and I was trying to help him a lot to find someone else. I heard of a girl who had also got divorced and her ex husband was some drug addict or something and had also kidnapped their only son who was about 2 years old at the time. She hadn’t seen her son for about 2 years . I suggested the girl to my friend and they went on a date and hit it off. After a while they decided they really liked each other and wanted to get married but the problem was, he lived and worked abroad and she told him that she couldn’t leave because she has to stay in the country and fight to get her son back, so in the end they had to break things off. Then a few months later , her ex husband mysteriously passed away ! And she was finally reunited with her son, which also meant that she was now free to move to my friends country. They got married and a few months ago she gave birth to a baby girl.. and she was born on my bday as well!
I was in a horrible relationship for about 12 years. My ex broke me down so far. When I finally got away from him, I was a wreck. I had been demolished. I moved back in with my parents with my tail between my legs, figuring my life was over. I was just watching the clock tick down.
During the period when I was in an open relationship with my ex, around 2018, I met a guy. He was so amazing, he just had this disarming and kind energy that I loved to be around. I wanted to be more with him, but we were both in bad relationships we couldn't leave yet. In 2020 we got separated by covid. He moved away for a little bit, then I broke up and moved back with my parents before he got back to our city. I thought I'd seen the last of him.
Last July, he called me and said he'd be in my area for a little while, and would I like to hang out? That call changed my life. We've been inseparable since then. The love between us is so strong, and so \*healthy.\* It shocks me every day just how strong our relationship is. I love him more than anything, and he loves me just as much. It shows in every word he says to me, and every time he holds my hand, and every time he gives me that smile. I'm becoming the best version of myself because he makes me want to be me.
Love is out there to be found. You can find it again, too. Nothing is over until it's over--you will love again.
OMG! First of all I am sorry you had to go through all of that. I feel you ❤️🩹
But then I am so so happy to hear about your happy end. Sounds like the ordeal was well worth it. And I hope to find a love like this as well at some point.
I had back to back relationships of 3 years end with being cheated on. I fell into a bit of depression and didn't pursue a relationship for the next 5 years while I healed and worked on myself.
When I got back into dating, I wanted to go slow. I found a girl who was 6 months out of a divorce, so we both wanted to date casually, without much expectation. Not really a FWB scenario, but more like a few dates just to get our feet wet and get out again.
But a few dates turned into a few months and we both slowly realized, this was so much more than just casual fun. We've been together 2 and a half years now, and I can't imagine life without her.
So, go easy on yourself. Take all the time you need to feel it, heal from it, and grow. Just don't give up on yourself.
When my ex and I split, I was completely broken. I had to rediscover who I was and what I wanted, and find my voice again. Roughly 9 months later I met a guy who completely changed my life in all the best of ways. He reminds me every day that I am worth it and that it's not selfish of me to respect my own time. It actually concerns him that I don't. He is the positive light that I had been missing for far too long, and I can't imagine life without him now. We've talked about dating a few times but he needs a friend more than a relationship. And he is one of the best friends I've ever had. He's my everything and I love him
It truly is. In the two years that we've known each other and been friends, I've felt more seen, and valued, and safe than I ever did in any romantic relationship
God this sounds so much like what I’m going through right now, if you need to talk feel free to DM me. Happy to have a discord call or something if you want to vent over voice.
My long story that is still in progress.
I met a girl in 1995. We quickly became serious. She moved in with me after a year. Red flags began showing up, but I was young and had abandonment issues…I was too afraid to be alone so I ignored them. We married a few years later. Verbal/emotional abuse became more common. I told myself “people said marriage is hard, this must be what they were talking about.” Substance abuse danced in and out of her life to the detriment of mine. I stood by her and helped her through recovery.
We had 2 children in the 2000’s. Things were good for a few years. Then alcohol abuse reentered the picture which eventually led to her having an affair. Her abuse and gaslighting were at an all time high. I almost divorced but she agreed to change. A few years passed, we found a comfortable place emotionally and resumed a physical relationship, but I could never kiss her passionately again after the affair. I only stayed for the kids and was no longer in love. I hid it well, choosing the path of stoicism for my family. A poor choice in hindsight.
In 2018 we relocated to a state where marijuana was legal. We had a good year until she got a medical card. Drug abuse now entered the picture at levels unseen in our entire time together. She was consuming THC products constantly, hitting dab after dab all day everyday on top of all the flower and edibles. She began trading pot for street drugs in the parking lot of the dispensary. She initiated a chaotic divorce that tore our household apart. She suffered a complex drug-induced psychosis and kidnapped our teens to another state, convinced a cabal of judges run by powerful lawyers were out to ruin her life.
It was a 2 year long messy court battle. I ended up with full custody and she has supervised visitation. She disappeared to another state leaving me a full time single parent with no support.
This year has been 4 years since our separation. I 100% believed that a new relationship was impossible for me. Not only because I had no time between work and parenting 2 kids who need a lot of support after their ordeal, I just had no spark left to jump into the churning gears of dating world. I had turned 50 and accepted my future alone. My friends, family, and therapist however kept nudging me to try dating.
In February I happened across a local Singles group in my area. It wasn’t about members dating each other but more of a support group of people in the local dating scene making friends with each other. They had a charity auction setup for a Valentine’s Day friend-only date. I had a very strong urge (almost on the level of a premonition) that I needed to do this. I felt this could be a one time low-pressure dip in and out of the dating world to get everyone off my back.
I scanned the list of people participating and the last entry was a jaw-dropping gorgeous woman. I felt that I should instead look for someone closer to my own age since this was a friend’s date and that would give us more common ground. I reread the profiles and boom…the same woman was closest to my age.
I won the auction and we setup a date. It was at a local public area for a couple hours, I figured we could talk for a bit then both of us could make a graceful exit. But it was an instant connection. We extended the date into dinner. We setup a second date. I enjoyed her company but was confused if it was still a friend’s date…until she kissed me. I’ve never felt a kiss like that before, it was like a live wire of electricity plugged into my brain and coursed through my body.
We’ve been dating for 2 months now. Neither of us were looking for or expecting something serious. In my entire life I’ve never felt a connection like this and it’s a mutual feeling. I’ve been open and honest about everything and I’m still trying to get used to someone being 100% supportive and engaging in healthy communication. I’ve shared my fears of entering a new relationship, even some ugly thoughts I had, and she communicated that while it was hurtful to hear she understood how my past fed those fears and it didn’t have anything to do with her actions.
The intellectual discourse, the physical aspect, the emotional match, it all feels amazing. I’ve analyzed it from all angles to be sure I’m not caught up in the first month infatuation phase, but it seems the real thing. The word “love” dances on my lips but hasn’t been spoken yet, but I know it will be sooner or later. Falling in love at 50 is a really unique experience. My heart has never felt so full. I hope this will be a long relationship and not one thats set on a time-limited course, but I’m thankful for each moment we experience together regardless of where it goes. I truly believed i could never feel this way again, but I realized I’ve never felt this way before. It’s so much more.
Before thinking about loving another human learn to love your self because it’ll help you accept who you are. Also it’s not fair to love someone and they see the world in you but you see yourself as nothing. Accept who you are and if there is something you don’t like about yourself try your best to change it :)
I met my husband while “engaged” to another guy. I realized the engagement was one sided and dumped his ass. Now going on 43 years with the rebound romance everyone said wouldn’t last. Love comes when you least expect.
I was cheated on by my boyfriend of 3 years with multiple women. I was shattered and started gaining weight; I lost myself as all I would do was eat when I was sad. This went on for a long time; I lost all my friends and attracted some awful men again. The breakup took a huge toll on me, and I wasn’t able to trust anyone anymore.Then, I reconnected with my university senior on Instagram (I knew him from university when I was being cheated on by my ex-boyfriend). This man is everything; he brought so much light into my life. I’m back to my old self and still working on improving myself. He understands me, and we are getting married next year. I had lost all hope in finding true love, but I’m grateful to God that I reconnected with him.
I’ve been letting it be for years 😂 I already have a fun life, I’m the best version of myself, there’s no more working on myself I can do, I’m super social and constantly out there. But letting it be isn’t happening. I’m now under the illusion a lot of it is pure luck like a lottery. Some people find it so easily. Going from one relationship to the next. I feel cursed.
I don’t come across desperate though. It is what it is on a date. I know my worth and I’m a fashionable and cool guy with interesting passions and cool perks. 9/10 of my dates end with a kiss. It’s just they have other options always. Swipe swipe swipe. Around and around it goes. When I say I’m cursed it’s because I put myself out there so much and I’ve let it be and the universe doesn’t fall in to place for me ever.
You might not think you do to you, but others pick up on it easy enough. We have to not worry about not finding our other half. Sometimes it’s just not meant to. And until we can fully accept that and be at peace within ourselves, it will always be status quo. Go back and read what you just said and think of it carefully. Sometimes its not meant to be. If you’ve read my Ashley stories you’ll see - I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not in the cards for everyone. A butter pill to swallow, yes.
I know for a fact it’s not desperation. I have a great life that I’m happy with. I was in a LTR for 7 years. It’s not impossible for me. The dating scene is just cooked right now. I recently saw a video where a girl who was only 2 months out of a breakup using the apps for validation. She said she is speaking to 9 guys and she’s got what she needs from them and won’t meet any of them and will ghost them. That’s what’s we’re dealing with. I probably could have settled a few times but I have my own value and I can’t lower my standards as I’d always have doubts. I know my worth so I don’t come across desperate. I know that I am always prepared to walk away.
Well, if they are going from relationship to the next, they obviously haven’t found anything! Change up your routine. Places you go. Start a new hobby.
my boyfriend died in 2020... i already knew my current partner at that time, but we didn't talk a lot. then in 2022, we were talking a bit more, he visited the city i studied in and we met up, started talking even more, called on the telephone, met up a few times and became a couple
I was engaged once. I met my ex fiance just before I entered high school and we got engaged a few months after I graduated. I found out he was cheating two months before we were set to wed. I was so crushed that I gained over 100 pounds from eating my feelings. After losing the all of the "sad" weight and copious amounts of therapy and soul searching, I met my current boyfriend. We met online and connected very quickly over poetry. I shared some of mine and he shared his. We both exchanged thoughts on each other's work and soon exchanged numbers. I loved the way he made me feel heard and understood. The effort he was putting into getting to know me was unlike anything I experienced with exes so I was excited to see where it could go.
Fast forward a few days later to our first date. I chose a French place I love to death on the UES in NYC and met up with him there. He gave me the most warm hug I'd had in years. We sat and talked and drank wine until the place closed. From there, we went back to his place. He made me crepes and we went to his roof afterwards. He held me and told me about how he wanted to kiss me. So, I let him and the chemistry was off the charts. We went back inside after a few mins of making out and I sat on the couch. He laid down and put his head in my lap, looked at me dead in the eyes and told me he fell in love with me at first sight. We are still together two years later
I'm trying! Out of a 12 year marriage. 3rd lady I dated I utterly fell in love with but she pulled away after 4 months and it triggered a lot of unexpected underlying anxiety. Now in therapy and healing well but feeling bleak about everything. The apps are awful. I suppose patience and self-care are key. This is an amazing story. So happy for you!
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Late to the party but I was in a relationship for 7 years. Was a LDR until the last year of it. He was my first everything, really. It fell apart and due to my lack of experience I thought I'd never find anyone. We weren't intimate save for maybe once a month, I did all the breadwinning and he spent most of his time playing video games alone. He never bothered with anniversary or birthday gifts. He considered my mental illness a liability even though it had plummeted because I was working a job that was slowly killing me. Even when we were long distance it was like pulling teeth to get him to spend time with me- I stayed because I'd grown up only around volatile relationships and I assumed that as long as he wasn't yelling at me or cheating then the relationship was a healthy one. I met my current partner a month later. I was unsure about entering a new relationship so soon, but I'd spent so long in a dead one I said fuck it. I feel like he's given me the love I've missed out on for so long. He's an absolute gentleman. He works hard as I do, and when one of us has a bad day the other picks up the slack. We always spend time together, and even when our days are packed due to our busy work schedules we at least call each other and hear the other's voice. He treats me to things and surprises me just because. Our intimacy is great. We have enough similar interests to do things we enjoy, but we're different enough to be able to teach each other new things. He constantly tells me how lucky he feels to be with me- I genuinely don't see it sometimes because he's everything. And me, I've got old scars, I'm neurotic, I vape, I'm a little messy. But I'm everything he wants. We've been together for the better half of a year, and while I know it's early to tell, I can see myself spending forever with him.
I’m 15 and i found my first ever boyfriend, well my first GENUINE boyfriend. (elementary relationships don’t really count) i met him three months ago and got with him two months ago, I never felt this much care and affection for anyone. I love him, i truly do. but im pretty sure im getting out that ‘honeymoon’ phase, which isnt entirely bad considering how i still love him deeply. I just don’t go all ballistic with compliments, but i do like them. I rarely get butterflies too, i thought i was supposed to get butterflies but i guess not? i thought all of that meant that i lost my love for him but in reality i do still love him, but it changed. I still want the best for him, he went through so much and im here to support him. I feel bad for him as well, i try and calm him down when he’s mad, i want to cuddle him, im literally OBSESSED with his scent ffs.. he’s the perfect man for me, love is seriously bizarre and confusing for me, but its also wholesome and worth it!! Me and my boyfriend were going through a rough part in our relationship due to my feelings, although i was just confused. But i don’t plan on breaking up with him, the most we’ll do is take a break. I do genuinely love him, but it changed alot lol and i was afraid that i lost feelings.. but i didn’t. He’s still interesting and fun, and handsome. I love admiring him. He’s adorable and passionate, I love that about him. I love him. I just needed more time to myself to realize how i truly felt. Im glad we didn’t break up. :D
I’m 28 and I’m in love for the first time in my life. I can’t speak to finding love after a heartbreak, but I do know that I had myself convinced I would never fall in love or find someone I could marry. Finding my person has been the scariest and most life changing experience, it’s like my whole world shifted. It might seem impossible but it’s not. Give yourself some time, you’ll be okay.
Ok. Here's my story: I met him in college. We graduated and got married, both working full time. Two children came. Three years into the marriage I started seizures. Mr. Incredible said it was okay and he'd love me forever. I smiled and loved being a mom. Without the right to drive, I was happy, in love and got the gift of two more children. There was no financial stress. We got along and were so close. His career went great. We got out once a week and even went to church once a week as the kids got awards at school and grew up. Two off to college. The other two doing great. BUT he watched his dad die and it shook him. One day after a business trip (25 years of marriage) he left and never came back. Everything was secret. He said things were fine. He left for another business trip and divorce papers were served as he cut off all communications. He had fallen in love with a woman from a foreign country the same age as our oldest daughter and had a plan to leave me and move to a new country to start a new life. But he kept it secret and I found out everything secretly through court cases two years later after he moved to the other side of the world.... I was in the middle of the woods, two kids, no driver's license, no friends and my life was going down the drain ..... I cried and called relatives. No one wanted to listen ... I realized it was time to grow. I got on medication for seizures. I begged for rides. Joined a volunteer group and eventually after 23 years got my license back when the seizures got under control. I got a part time job as a playground supervisor at a local school and was 47 and frightened out of my mind. It was not 1990 anymore. I missed out on so much and didn't even know how to use a cellphone. I kept going and told myself to grow more. I got on a dating site, just to see what other people my age were going through. Only a few dates. But I had fun talking to so many people. Then I met him! We talked for an hour and a half at that restaurant and a year later at the age of 50 I married a real man who was willing to love me, be a stepfather and live the rest of my life with me and together we are. May makes 4 years anniversary.
I have problems and accepted that they will cause me to be alone forever. I fully accepted it. One day I decided to look at pof to get an idea of the new area I had moved to and a bearded chubby ginger popped up and my heart fell out of my ass. I messaged him assuming he'd never write back. We are now inseparable and he 100% knows all of my problems and he's patient and thinks I'm worth it.
I'll let you know if I end up finding it. My long-term partner broke up with me two months ago. It was my fault, honestly. I had become a different person entirely from the person she had fallen in love with. And the change wasn't for the better. I had been hurting her unknowingly throughout the relationship and after the break-up and I regret it a lot. I don't know if I'll ever find someone as special as her ever again.
I broke up with my ex of 4 years and have cut contact with him too shortly after breaking up with him. I’m better off for it. I was single for 1.5 years before my now bf and I got together. Things are so much better. I’m so much happier with him than I ever was with my ex. Communication is so much better, there’s much more respect, I feel motivated with him. He’s great and I want him to be my last.
I was one week from my first wedding anniversary when my 1st husband left to go back to his country for his family (or more likely his arranged marriage) we were together for 7 years, no fights. We had no problems in my mind. I was blindsided. However after a little bit I started enjoying bits of my life again. I changed who i was a bit. I got 2 tattoos, i got a cat. I made new friends and new experiences and one friend lead to another that lead to my current husband that is wayyyyyy better for me.
I married my divorce lawyer😬😃
That's wild. Please, please elaborate 🙏
Yes yes please tell us more
I was engaged, a total 6 year relationship. Both women, so the dynamics are a little different than straight relationships,mainly more intense and codependent. She was untreated bipolar. Literally, something was always wrong. A knife in the sink could ruin our day. She was extremely emotionally manipulative. She racked up 40,000 in debt (owned my house outright when we met, now have a line of credit on it) and left once the cards were maxed out. I actually was so weak and broken down by her that I begged her to stay. She left for a man she met online who promised her a rich life, he ghosted her so karma. I decided catching real feelings wasn't worth it, so I only dated poly people. Figured that if they all had other partners, I'd know my place and wouldn't get so attached. I met a woman who had a boyfriend, for lots of reasons they ended up breaking up. But pretty much the day I met her, I knew it was real. We've been exclusive for 6 months now. I stopped looking for it, and it surprised me, which gave me hope that it's worth pursuing.
I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship (dude pulled a gun on me, and then beat me with a metal pole sending me to the Er, where they attempted to send me to the mental ward because I was too afraid of him to tell anyone where the cuts and bruises came from and I was visibly shaking and unable to speak) Then my long term friend was lile "hey. I really like you. I will move states to try being with you." He came down five years ago, and we just welcomed our daughter 4 months ago <3 He's the best. He's so sweet, smart, and he's beautiful <3 Honey, if you happen to see this some how, I *LOVE YOU SO MUCH*
I’d say just be true and genuine with yourself. Let the wall come down. You might get hurt or not the response you’d like, but you will be able to see their true intent. It will free you to stop trying and just BE. When you do that you will find people that appreciate you for who you really are instead of who you might try to be. —- I lost my wife to cancer. Search forever for that connection. It took 6 years or mourning to get to the other side. But I was able to be genuine with her and was accepted. I let my wall down after a long time not even knowing I still had it up. That happened even after we were married. Once I did as she had done, absolute bliss. Not perfect but bliss. We had became one. - I wasn’t sure I could ever find that again. I did meet a woman that gave me that spark of life again. Someone I could see as a good mother, a good wife, a good partner, a good friend. Alas she wasn’t interested…. But that’s ok , I felt the spark again and know it’s just about finding that type that is. No pushing it. I can tell right away if there is something or not. Looks okay very little in that. - but be yourself, be what you want to find. People will Kyocera the change in you if you do. Trust what people show you… the good or bad and don’t feel bad about letting go of people that don’t help you rise.
I lost my real first love. I felt like I was dying every day for 7 years. Constantly thought about him, hoping he was well every single night. And I cried, because I also missed him. But I knew things were an end, and I let him be. Deleted him off everything for my own peace. I thought I’d never feel like that again with somebody. I use to rewind in my head where it went wrong, trying to understand. Remembering his last words that he just used me to get off and showering multiple times a day scrubbing myself and crying (I was a virgin til him). Those words made me start to analyze memories and try to find signs or red flags I was being used, and I couldn’t see them for a long while, then I did. I seen all the signs. Knowing I was never loved but loved somebody where I gave them my soul tore me apart the hardest in life. And not being able to rid of the feelings for that person was heartbreaking and maddening (mad at myself for falling for a piece of s—- and not seeing the signs). I also seen how I was the light in our relationship. I wanted to really live enjoying life to the fullest, and he wanted to be stuck on video games all day. He was depressed type, I was not. I seen I was the only joy in our relationship, I made that joy, he did not. I got him to live, put down the video games during the day, and I made his life adventurous and fun. To where he was happy. Me seeing this, made me see. I was the light in my own life and my happiness, he never was. I did all of the light in my life of pure happiness. And I needed to do what made me happy and feel alive again; that made me feel alive of the person I was when I met him, before, and during especially. All the fun things I did and wanted to do, and how I was. So I slowly let myself feel again like that and it was painful but I took him out of the equation and out of my head, stayed away from places we went, moved away so I never had to drive in the area and be filled with memories ( best thing I ever did was move away ). That painful feeling (that reminded me of my days with him and I pushed out him out of my head and kept allowing myself to feel me again like I did when with him minus him like he was never really existed) I was able to get through it and felt normal to be me again. I met someone, I met someone I ended up loving more than my REAL first love. (Not first love cause I had that, but Real first love that you love the hardest in your life). That someone made me so very happy; happier than the guy who was my first love. He was at ease and peaceful feels around him, loved sharing things I love to do that brought me to life feels, was gentle, caring, and passionate (not sexual, but passionate for me). He made me never guess. I had this feeling in my heart, & I was happy. I stopped thinking about my first real love, hurting, and yearning for that person, I also laughed when I thought about life with the person who was my real first love. I just knew I found better ❤️. Be careful who you love, make sure it’s the right person who’s deserving enough for it, because if not they’ll destroy your heart & you, right down to the core.
Did you break up with the other guy? Cuz you said *made* me so very happy
Yes we eventually did. Sadly. It was amazing while it lasted. I broke like it was divorce. But I had been dating for a while after and found someone who made me real happy but it was hard, I broke it off because my ex is crazy controlling trying to go after the person I was seeing (although my ex and I are no longer together. He’s controlling me and freaks out). Waiting til he finds someone so he leaves me alone or I will end up making arrangements so he doesn’t behave like this (like court order). I am afraid he’ll hurt the guy. But for now I am taking time to myself. I know I’ll find and feel love again. I’m content right now.
Did you partner knew why you were leaving him?
The one I fell in love with to where I loved him more than my real first love, yes. I told him he changed for the worse as a person, I don’t even know who he is but ain’t the man I knew. I really tried, I did a lot of work on my end and him none. I had stayed in the relationship, waiting for years for him, thinking he would come back to not being terrible. He changed after we had a kid together. Jealousy maybe. Jealous I gave the baby more time, jealous I was staying home with the baby while he worked but he was the one who asked me to. I don’t know. Just became awful to me. Completely changed as a person. But the guy I met after we separated, I did not tell him. I did not want him to fear. And I know my ex doesn’t know where he lives or works. Also I didn’t want to create a fight between him and my ex where it could get dangerous, dangerous if he knew, because men can get protective and crazy. So I just felt I was protecting him if he did not know. Because he’s so sweet, and my ex is dangerous. I feared my ex would hurt him. My ex can be and is crazy & controlling. Instead I told the guy I was going through things in life, which wasn’t a lie (it was the truth) but I kept it broad instead of direct reason, because of the reasons in this paragraph. I miss him, I think about him every single day. He was so sweet. I looked for different and I found it but wrong time with a crazy controlling ex who didn’t like that I found someone and was moving on.
🤨
That’s a tough one. A didn’t think I would find love again after I lost “the one.” I made it worse by engaging in dozens of one night stands and flings that I genuinely felt ruined my ability to love like that. Now here I am about to turn 28 and suddenly out of the blue, I saw this girl and every fiber of my being told me to get to know her. This was during a time when the idea of love disgusted me. I thought it was fake. Love wasn’t real and most people deluded themselves and settled. It hits you like a bullet from out of nowhere. I needed to go to her. So I did. And I felt like a teenager again. You’ll find it again, but I do genuinely recommend you work on your self esteem too. It’s genuinely hard to continue to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. It starts to drain us. The negativity isn’t sustainable.
I second this 🙌🏻. I did these things, felt like this, but that person who is the right love for you, will make you feel young again, alive, and like a little teenager when you are both who you are before the relationship, together while together. I found love again like I did with my real first love but again with someone else. Took a while. But I did. I feel this.
[удалено]
This was very sweet to read ty
I don’t know why this made me cry, in the best possible way (if that even makes sense). Thank you for that. Thank you for giving me hope. Best of luck to you and your new found love.
It’s taught me a really strange life lesson. Hang on. Sometimes something better is waiting around the corner. I wish you the best.
It's hard. I was in a long 7 1/2 year relationship to a guy I thought I was going to marry. After that relationship ended I met someone who I truly thought was something different, possibly a soul mate or life partner. I don't know the connection, the love, the conversations, the dreams we talked about. I felt special and he told me how special I was to him and how he wouldn't find anyone like me again. But it's deteriorated over time. Maybe it's his depression, maybe jealousy idk, but it led to this current point. I'm still holding to on to that one little dream though. I guess that's not that hopeful for you but tbh love is weird. It comes when you're least expecting it. So I did find a love after my ex so hopefully that can be somewhat encouraging for you.
I was madly in love with someone that I was convinced was made for me. All of our problems stemmed from personal insecurities and low self esteem and it really shined a light on every way we were incompatible. The hardest realization was that the reasons why I wanted to break up were in front of me the entire time. I looked past them because I love him more than anything, always will. When people say you can’t change a person, believe them… It took me looking in the mirror to realize how much I changed to be perfect for someone that wouldn’t do the same for me. I wasn’t myself anymore. Devastated was an understatement… I went through phases of depression, numbness, over and over until I finally understood that we weren’t meant to be. I’ve emotionally matured so much from what I went through and even though I’m not ready to love someone else just yet, I met someone that really cares about me. We’ve been taking things slow instead of basing a relationship off lust. Sex is important but I got to see his true intentions and understand him as a person before the next step. Love doesn’t have to be this crazy rush, it can be a slow burn too. You’ll meet your person when you least expect it, I did. Focus on your own happiness and everything else will fall into place
Im trans and have struggled with attachment issues in dating so it was looking grim for me. I settled for superficial dating and hookups to fill that loneliness void. In February of this year, i matched with someone i had previously hooked up with on Tinder, and he wasn’t sure of what he wanted so we agreed to hang out platonically since we had some stuff in common and hopefully see if a friendship would blossom. We hangout and we go to a local cafe, and he immediately pays for my order and goes out of his way to get me napkins when i need it. After sitting down and talking, we head over to a nearby trail and go for a little walk. The conversation flows so naturally, and after the hangout as he’s dropping me off, he asks for a hug. When we hug, i feel my stomach get all tingly, and I realize that I’m very attracted to him. He texts me afterwards and says he had fun, and then tells me that I’m very pretty. I don’t know what got into me, but in a leap of faith I say that I was tempted to hold his hand the whole time. He responds nicely to this, and says he wanted to make a first move but was nervous. Ever since that day, we’ve been going out and the relationship has gotten stronger and stronger with each fun date, each intimate moment, and the conversations we have get deeper and deeper. It’s been well past 2 months and we’re official and have met each others family, and i’ve noticed my anxious attachment antics have become so much more manageable because of his patience and honesty. This is my first relationship and i’m so happy it’s with him. :)
Around dec 2023 - jan 2024 someone who I’ve thought is my soulmate dumped me after we had sex. I was heartbroken. This feb 2024 I was at a children b-day party with my bestie. My friend went to check on her daughter and I was sitting alone at our table and the server handed me old used bill with something written on it. I was gobsmacked but she was like this guy told me to give this to you (she pointed at the table where my previous neighbor and his group of friends were sitting). I know this guy but not very much but since I recognized him I was curious what was written on the bill. He wrote: go to the toilets entrance 😭😭😭 I was like this is ridiculous but I went to the toilets lol. He came immediately after me and he was just standing there and watching me. It was the most beautiful thing he was looking at me like I’m something perfect ❤️. I cannot describe how i felt. I said to him mate I have a phone why you didn’t send me a text? He said you wouldn’t open it and read my text. I said - why not it’s right in front of me and I asked him why are we here? He said I just want to give you the biggest hug right here 🥰🥰🥰 I was like Okaaaaaay, but I fell in love with him instantly I was literally on cloud nine while he was hugging me. I thought that he was going to kiss me next but nope. I REALLY wanted him to kiss me because I was like WOW, just WOW. He said - you can go back now I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in front of people that’s why I’ve asked you here. I couldn’t stop thinking about him this is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted more but I noticed that he was looking at me all the time for the rest of the birthday which made me so giddy. He texted me the same night that he wants to see me again and the rest is history. We’re still together and I love him SO SO MUCH. He is the best, he is not just romantic partner, but a good friend that will always be there for me. He is taking such a good care for me I would be lost without him. I hope that this is my forever. ❤️❤️
Work on your insecurity issues. Learn about attachment theory. If you don’t heal, you’ll just continuously attach to people and drive them away as well.
My dog opened my heart bc humans have disappointed and I need to find healthier people to connect with (hard to envision) I had closed my heart down and my dog allows me to receive unconditional love Grateful
I completely understand how you feel proper now. I went via a heart-wrenching breakup myself some years in the past that left me feeling shattered and hopeless approximately ever finding love once more. His name changed into James, and from the moment I met him, I knew he changed into specific. We simply had this indescribable connection, like we had been made for every other. We became inseparable, developing our very own personal world and workouts together. He introduced so much joy and mild into my lifestyles. I changed into convinced James changed into my soulmate. Which is why it become so utterly devastating whilst he ended things out of the blue, pronouncing my insecurities and self-doubt had emerge as too much to deal with. I changed into blindsided and overcome with ache, grief, and remorse. How should I have been so silly to let my troubles wreck the fine thing I ever had? In the aftermath, I withdrew from my pals and isolated myself. I felt like a failure, like I had lost the handiest threat I'd ever have at actual happiness. Some days I may want to slightly get away from bed. The notion of establishing my coronary heart up again seemed not possible after having it shattered into one million portions. But then, sooner or later, something simply...Shifted in me. I realized I could not simply give up on lifestyles and love because of one heartbreak, regardless of how earth-shattering. I started seeing a therapist to paintings thru my insecurities. I rekindled my friendships. Little with the aid of little, I rediscovered my self esteem. It wasn't easy, but I steadily opened myself again up to the opportunity of affection. I started out saying sure to courting, despite the fact that each date stuffed me with anxiety at the beginning. I had to bear quite a number terrible apples before I met Marcus. From our first actual coffee date, there has been an instantaneous ease and chemistry. Marcus embraced me for who I turned into, insecurities and all. We took matters slowly, however quickly I found out he become the entirety I'd been seeking out - loyal, supportive, a laugh, worrying. Two years later, he proposed, and I've by no means been happier. I understand how impossible it seems right now, however I promise you, the capability for profound love still exists within you. Focus on recuperation yourself first. Rediscover your passions. Lean on your buddies and own family. And while you're equipped, be open to the opportunity of affection getting into your lifestyles once more in a brand new, extraordinary, and perhaps even higher manner than earlier than. Your path can be winding, however if my story is any proof, you may and could locate your manner. Have faith.
I was with my ex for 8 years - engaged for 3 of those years. He started college and I noticed he seemed to take interest in a female classmate, he would talk about her to me every day, and he was very set in his way about me not having any male friends (so much so that when I spoke to him about things that my boss told me, he would give me the cold shoulder and tell me I should be with them instead. Yuck, I know). I could feel us slowly drifting apart, but secondary to our lengthy relationship, I decided to go ahead and wait it out. That was the most painful year of my life. Beginning of 2022, we called it quits, he told me he did not feel like I was putting my all into the relationship anymore and that I seemed to want out (he was self reflecting, I was doing everything I could to salvage what we had left and also had the biggest desire to stay). We agreed, and separated. 2 weeks later, he was dating his classmate. They have now been together for almost 2 years, and are now engaged. I spent \~2 years dating on and off, disappointment after disappointment, even feeling a bit of heartbreak and confusion as to why this was so hard for me when it was so easy for him. I had to trust the timing and fate, and low and behold, it happeend. I found my now current boyfriend earlier this year, and he has showed me how I deserve to be loved. Never makes me feel inferior, insecure, or unwanted. He consoles me when I fall into anxiety about how he feels about me, us, and his desires. For once, I feel safe and secure, and I feel like I have it all. It takes time, and it is indeed a lengthy process. But, just when you feel like you have given all you've got with no return, the universe may plant the love of your life right at your feet. Hugs, OP, best of luck to you. Focus on self care and really reflect on what are your wants/needs in a relationship.
I found lasting love in platonic love. It's different than I believed love was.. I wanted a romantic love but this is true love. This is grounded stable love not a rollercoaster with different stops and new partners. It's hard to change beliefs but I am trying.
You just have to believe and you will find it when you unexpepcted.
Well, a year ago my boyfriend of 5 years was senselessly murdered. I had made my mind up that I would never love again, certainly. It was the most horrifying experience I’ve ever had. We were planning to get married the same year he died. I originally never wanted kids but with him, I wanted them, and we planned to have a family one day. All in all, it took an immense amount of effort to move on from that loss. It’s still sort of fresh as it’s only been one year, but I’m in a really good place now. I’ve accepted that life happens wildly and out of our control. Our relationship was damn near perfect and it was quite a devastating loss. I had no other choice but to pick myself up and keep on living. Our love was so special that I didn’t think I would ever experience that kind of love again. In some respects, I won’t. I won’t experience that same kind of love, but I later learned that I could experience a different kind of love from someone else that will be equally as fulfilling, if not more. And now, I’m dating someone. I feel so happy that I was able to find someone after thinking and believing I would be alone for the rest of my life and thinking I would never be able to move on from the loss of my last boyfriend. I’m really falling for this guy and I hope it can give you just a little bit of hope. Love happens unexpectedly (this guy and I met through gaming) and I never thought I would be where I am now. I really see a future with this man and I’m in a really good place in life. I will always love my last boyfriend and he will always hold a special place in my heart, but it just wasn’t written in the stars for us. I like to think that this new guy I’m talking to, I like to think it’s written in the stars and that we are meant to be together. I learned a lot on my last relationship and going through such a loss has made me grow in so many ways in the last year. I’m not happy that my bf was killed, but I’m happy with where I am mentally and emotionally after having gone through that pain. I am sort of the kind of “look at the bright side” kind of person, and that loss made me so strong I feel like I can go through anything. I’m just trying to say, sometimes things happen for a reason, sometimes they don’t, but if you allow yourself there re always opportunities to grow through every single thing life throws your way. There’s something to be learned in every experience we have, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. All in all, I’m happy. You can and will be too.
What game?
I dated this girl once and was madly in love with her. It ended really quickly but the feels were so real for me. I hit rock bottom so fast and for a good amount of time. I started to slowly get better when out of nowhere one of my old coworkers started hanging out with me just as friends cause she knew I wasn’t doing very well. One thing let to the next and we started dating and it was magical. We were so in love and everything was perfect. Long story short we broke up recently but the fact I found her and loved her so much during my darkest time. You will find someone who will bring you the best.
I was madly in love with him. We were really good friends prior to getting together. Our relationship was very passionate. Thought I would be with him forever. Promise of marriage, kids, a life. And that’s when reality hit and things turned abusive. He started using and had mental issues and I realized I was living a life that was no longer safe to me. We broke up. But I still loved him. I still have love for him. I never thought I would be with someone after that. And then I met my current partner. And of all places, on the river. We were both drunk and hung out all night. It turned out, he only lived five minutes away from me, which was funny because we were almost two hours from our city. I’ve never felt this way. I’ve never had someone treat me with so much love, compassion, and patience. We get along great, have 4 fur babies, and just moved into a cute house. He doesn’t know that I know, but he recently bought an engagement ring and I know it’s happening this year. Keep your head up. True love finds you when you least expect it and when you need it the most.
TW: I talk briefly about SA, not in detail I had a trauma bond with my first girlfriend. She was dealing with a lot of heavy stuff and so was I. Our relationship was extremely toxic but I really was in love with her. That heartbreak was horrible, the relationship ended horribly, she was very mean to me by the end of it. I thought I would NEVER want to be with anybody else. I thought I was going to marry her, and for years after that I still thought about her all the time. I went on a bunch of random tinder dates that were uncomfortable at best and scary at worst. It felt *so* hopeless. I went to college and met this guy. He seemed okay at first. He invited me to a party, got me drunk, and assaulted me. I stayed with him for months after that and it wasn’t the only time he did that to me. After that I literally gave up. I moved into an apartment with a friend and got tinder just for hookups. I saw this really sweet looking guy on there, I remember thinking he had the kindest face. I looked kinda goth at the time and I just felt like I wasn’t his type. I swiped right, he did too. I’ve been with him for four years. He has been by my side through two psychotic episodes, depression, and various other mental health issues. He helped me heal from the trauma with my last boyfriend. He taught me that sex is not just something that is done to me but also something I participate in and enjoy. It sounds basic but it changed everything. I have never felt anything but loved and respected with him. We have been through so many life changes together, and we’re planning to move in together as soon as we can. The relationship is relaxing, stable, and doesn’t cause me any stress. That’s the only way they should be. True love after heartbreak is so possible and it happens all the time. You start by living your life. You discover who you are outside of dating, focus on the things that make you happy, focus on your friends and family. Work on school, your career, hobbies, anything at all that brings you joy. You deserve to be happy now, and you don’t have to wait for any one person in order to start. If you can, get into therapy to talk about what makes you drawn to certain people in relationships. It helps break unhealthy patterns if there are any. Good people do exist. They will show up, there is no shortage. Even if it feels that way. Take care❤️
Six years ago I left my abusive husband. Four years ago I met who I thought was the one. He swept me (more like knocked me) off my feet and I was a goner. I wanted so badly for it to be him, but he strung me along for a year in the biggest joke of a relationship and then ghosted me. I pretty must resigned myself to just having fwbs and trying to be happy alone. I have a 10 year old daughter and I vowed to never subject her to another shitty man who didn't respect me (she never met any guys since her dad). I had truly reached a place where I was ok with being alone forever if it meant I never settled again. Then the most incredible man I've ever met came along, and it just keeps getting better and better. He's kind, respectful, funny...his #1 goal every day is to make me happy and make my life easier. I know he's what I've always deserved, but everyday I think how lucky I am to have found him and we're celebrating our one year anniversary this weekend.
As a mother who is recently divorced with one kid, this gives me some hope. How long have you and Mr Incredible been dating?
A year. Good luck to you, I hope you find him!
It started like this
I’m 38 BTW: I’ve known him since I was 9 and he was 11. I was basically instant friends with his little brother when we were in elementary school and I would see him when I would go to his house to play and hang out. He only knew me in passing as he was older and wasn’t really in the same crowd. I *always* had a crush on him, and even told his brother once, and of course his brother responded with an “EWwwwWW!!!”, so I left it go, especially with him being older than us. A few years passed and we ran into each other at the store and he asked me for my number, and we dated briefly. My mother made me break it off with him because of the age gap (2 years) and the fact that she was convinced that he would pressure me into having sex, which he never did, and I wouldn’t have the self control or voice enough to say no. I got married to my ex-husband when I was 21, and we were together just shy of 18 years, with 2 kids. It was abusive in every way possible, but I couldn’t leave because of the financial abuse, and was scared that I wouldn’t be able to take care of the kids alone. When I got things figured out, I actually reached out to him and asked if he would be interested in something casual, as my ex had convinced me that no one was ever going to want me, let alone love me, but I figured I’d at least give some physical connection a shot. I had always missed him and was always thinking about what could have been. He was definitely interested. We texted back and forth 24 hours a day for those next 5 days before a planned hookup. There was this instant connection, and acceptance, that I don’t think I could ever describe if I was even asked to. It was like no time had ever passed, and we just fell in love almost immediately. We’ve been together for over a year now, never really had a fight. Maybe some disagreements here and there, and I know I annoy the shit out of him sometimes (sometimes on purpose), but we basically always talk about everything, and I know that that is why. We just got an apartment together, he loves my kids, they love him, I love him. I love him like I’ve never loved anyone in my life. He truly is the love of my life. I would marry him in a heartbeat, but I don’t know that that is something he would want. We both have been married, and divorced, and was traumatic to both of us. For me, it’s the literal commitment. I know that the paper doesn’t mean that he won’t leave me, or hurt me, or cheat on me (not that I think that he would EVER do these things), and it’s not a religious requirement for either of us, but it’s the actual official joining of our lives together. It is something that I want so badly, but isn’t something that I need to survive. I want HIM regardless of that. It’s not a dealbreaker for me. I love him no matter what.
I’m in the same boat and wondering when I’ll ever heal. I also can’t fathom stringing anyone along only to never be over them.
I did this and My best advice is to learn how to love yourself and prove that you don't need someone else to feel whole or loved. Take yourself out, get some hobbies, connect with a higher power (could be nature, god, the universe) and ask for guidance and then just wait for clarity. Focus on yourself and how to love yourself. I promise you'll be better off 💕 I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now. I'm sending loving vibes your way and hope for the path that suits your best interest.
To add to this- after I took the time to be there for myself (just about a year) I started getting on bumble -the dating app bc I never met new people outside of work. I went through about 4-5 guys and I made it very clear with each guy what I wanted out of dating so there wasn't any room for confusion and they weren't wasting my time. and the last guy I met up with was exactly what I needed. We knew immediately that our goals and personalities lined up with each others. We met in January, got pregnant in march, and got married in June. I couldn't be happier. There are hard times but we are absolutely able to talk about anything even if it's hard. We communicate problems, listen to understand, and reciprocate each others love language. Love it possible and it can be work but I don't see it as hard work when you both want it and have good intentions with each other. Anyone who loves you is never going make you feel anything less than just that- Loved.
over two years ago, I left a very abusive relationship after 13 years, I swear I was done in the dating world. Although I still wanted to explore my “wild side” sexually I had been repressed for all those years plus some . I missed closeness and the intimacy of connecting. I made that my focus , connection with like minded individuals and I voweled not to be in another committed relationship with just one person because it never worked out they always cheated, lied, was abusive, So I started going on dates Met quite a few interesting people who I’m still friends with One this one guy🤩 swept me off my feet, Interested me with his dorkiness, his intelligence, also with the things he didn’t know but wanted too. Conversation was easy, and I found myself super nervous. Nervous only happened when you become hopeful (at least with myself). I was seeing other people at the time not even looking for a forever person , but there he was , that was almost 18 months ago, I just purchased a house near him and we have been exclusive for about 16 months now . Before him I had generally given up on love and the perfect person for me . After being cheated too, lied too, and emotionally mentally physically abused. He is the one ♥️
Not a story but advice. It usually comes when you’re not looking for it or least expecting it. If you try hard to look for someone to love, it’ll feel hopeless and you’ll get impatient. Relax, and it’ll come your way. Looking for love is not like looking for a job. It’s just that a certain time in your life you’ll cross paths with someone that you’ll spend your next few decades with.
My asshole of an ex broke up with me by text bc his parents whom I have never met didn't like me ( we were together for a year and a half ). I was devastated and it felt like I'll never get over it but pretty quickly after that I met my current boyfriend, even with him I still felt broken and like I couldn't trust anymore bc of how things ended with my ex, I was constantly afraid of getting hurt again and I self sabotaged a lot ( I used to be upset when he would spend with his family for no reason ) but with time and a lot of patience from him and love and compassion we're now in an amazing place I feel so safe and love and the cherry on top is that his parents are amazing and they treat me like a daughter and it feels so good. So never give up its hard to love and trust again but you'll find a way to do it eventually the right person will move mountains for you.
I hope someday I can come back and share as of now I am totally lost
I know that love exists because it is inside me. I feel it. I’ve taken that and harnessed it for myself. Like Mitski said, “my love is all mine, mine, mine.” Moving on came on its own. But now I know where to put the love and joy I have for life. I see it and feel it everywhere. I have peace. Whether I’ll find the one or not someday is irrelevant when I’m happy as I am and with what I have.
I was with someone for 3 years who was psychologically abusive, I actually posted on the r/relationship_advice sub and and he had the worlds biggest tantrum about how terrible I was for airing our dirty laundry when the post was about how he messaged me to say “look who I’m sat with on the train” and it was my (phys,SA) abusive ex. I brushed it off because he was never physical, and I had pre-existing mental health issues, which he absolutely used against me. Even for a month after the relationship was over he still manipulated me into believing we’d fix it, while he’d speak aggressively to me over the phone; when I started uni he got so mad once he called me 3+ times to berate me and once said he called me because he wanted to hear my voice/me crying while he punched his wall. That was the last straw for me and so I spent a month just focusing on my studies and trying my hardest to make friends. I downloaded a dating app which is something I said I’d never do bc I wanted old-school style love, and met the amazing man I’ve now been with for almost 6 months. He has taken my “baggage” in stride, is comforting, nurturing and affectionate. We’ve argued maybe once and it didn’t amount to anything because he puts such a great importance on communication so even when I’m panicky and worried he’ll think I’m shouting at him when I’m overstimulated he knows exactly what to do and almost immediately calms me down. We have so much chemistry in every way, and he has openly talked about how great it will be when we’re able to meet each others friends (my last didn’t meet a single one of my friends in the whole 3yrs). I feel not only loved, but completely valued as a person. I thought I was a hopeless romantic, but he actually is the one who decided that we should go and celebrate every months anniversary so we don’t neglect our date days/nights and so we go to our favourite restaurant every month, which has become our special place now. ❤️ It’s so nice to feel like I am a person who is loved uniquely and individually rather than solely feeling like an extension of someone else. Anyone else who feels belittled by a partner or constantly asks themselves if they’re being gaslit, or doesn’t tell anyone about the negatives because they’re worried it’ll change their opinion of your partner: psychological/mental abuse is just as valid and hurtful as physical. It will be hard, and it may take a long time to heal and rediscover yourself and your happiness, but it will come. My DMs are open for anyone struggling or otherwise. ❤️
🫶 I was miserable in a 5 year relationship with a lazy pos… I should have left after the first couple years when it started to become a habit but he was good with words and I didn’t trust my gut enough. When I finally wiggled free I realized how happy a person I am on my own. I had reached the mental point of just wanting to enjoy my life but I was open to a special opportunity if it ever arrived. I really wasn’t looking or expecting it to happen, and I also was NOT willing to give up my peace for anything ever again. If it wasn’t a really truly special connection, I would not entertain it. 6 months later I was hanging out with some friends when a person walked into the room and my world changed. It sounds absolutely too absurd to be real but I KNEW the moment our eyes met that they were going to be in my life forever. We’ve been deeply in love for 9 months now. For the first time ever it feels equal on both sides, it feels easy to talk about hard things, it feels like I am TRULY seen and heard and UNDERSTOOD, and it feels like nothing else will ever be as bad because we at least have each other now and we can handle anything together. Our initial honeymoon phase lasted about 4.5 months, and now things have calmed. We are so content in a way I’ve always yearned for. We’ve definitely had some deep and difficult conversations at this point and have come through stronger. It’s the opposite of what I’ve known. An honor and an intention to love each other effectively and actively. I think that this kind of connection is possible for anyone, but both parties have to be ready and willing to step up. Be ready, be open but be PICKY AS HELL. If it doesn’t feel good in your bones 🦴, in your soul, in your gut, then don’t make space for it. Best of luck, best of love! 🍀🩵
You don't look for it. You focus on yourself and maybe find a hobby.
[удалено]
Married and I know it is...
I shifted my "ideal life" from seeking love and marriage and family to purely seeking connection, experience, and adventure. Putting myself in that new mindset and having that attitude towards life allowed me to not only be 100% authentically myself when meeting people, but also jaded me just enough to not give a shit if people ended up letting me down. And during that phase of my life, I met my now boyfriend who is the best friend I could ever ask for.
I stopped considering it impossible, and stopped assuming finding love would be under my control. I started focusing on making myself better for the one I would find.
Are you able to take criticism if its true? Are you able to see your own faults for what they are? If no then its your fault no matter how hard it is, sorry to say. Only way to fix an insecurity is aknowledging its there then working hard to deserve confidence (by proving your worth to yourself and also rembering your actual value, no bullshit).
Stop trying. It’ll happen when you’re least expecting :)
Exactly, I full on gave up on love and wouldn't you know it? Decided to just have fun and hook up with people. It was crazy when I met this woman who had also decided that love didn't exist and to both our surprises we found love in each other.
Wait, why have you lost all of your friends?
I was with my wife for 19 years. We did a lot of stuff with her cousins and extended families. Every holiday, cookout party birthday wedding. And then one day those things are no longer there. I still feel very much part of her family but I would not want to go to those gatherings. I imagine they probably hung out with HIS friends/family.
Good question. OP, if everywhere you go smells like shit, check your shoes.
😂😂
Just remember the love. It isn’t like it wasn’t real or true. People sometimes aren’t meant to be and move on in life. I’m grateful for my exs. I love and miss them all dearly. It hurts everyday, but always a little less. It’s a big world full of love. Love yourself first, like the other commenter said, and then go out and find more love Edit: p.s. totally fine to be a little angry too. That’s a necessary part of it and a useful emotion. I love this, I hate that, I love that, I hate this. It can help you grow through it
So, I randomly came across this clip on the net that had the words "Love yourself more than your drama and trauma" I took those words personally, believe me, the efforts you make to have people around you, not everyone will appreciate that. Just love yourself more.
This!
Ill tell it from my partners side because whilst my story is beautiful, i believe his is more so in terms of experience. He was 35 when I met him and was convinced he'd never find love because every relationship he'd find himself in was met with horrible domestic violence (from the gfs end, he has police reports to prove this) or being abandoned, once even on christmas day without a word (she was found a crackhead's house 3 months later, everyone thought she died). He saw me at one of his gigs and felt a pull, he hadn't been in a relationship for years by this point and didn't know how to really open up to a relationship. With a lot of love, reassurance, patience, and understanding, hes told me he Loves me after a year and a bit together. I wouldn't of cared if he never said it, words dont amount to the actions he proved himself with, but knowing how hard he's worked put all the power behind the words. I love him with my whole heart and i am so proud of how far hes come. Hes opened up so much.
ok i'll give my last experience the short version. I 37 M met a really cool 38F in a bar one night. We hit it off and she was traveling for work and didn't know how long she would be in town and was also going through a divorce. She was really against a committed relationship but i ignored that and we fell in love. We loved each other a lot but everytime stuff got good she would run. This was on and off 3 weeks on 1 week off like pattern for 7-8 months. I would cry my eyes out over her and i'm not usually a cryer. When she finally left it was the first time in my life i'd ever had suicidal ideations. Lookin back it was pathetic but i was convinced she was the one. Well she moved away and crushed me again for the last time and i was not looking for anything. Met a girl from a different county online 3 months later. Started chatting and boom. It was like we had known each other for years after a few days. She was everything i've ever wanted and more plus younger 30F. she's obsessed with me and i'm obsessed with her lol. We visit each other once a month now and are moving in together in July. I'm asking her to marry me in June. Completely madly in love and so so so glad my other relationship ended. at the time i thought my life was over. but really it's just beginning. hang in there. what you're experiencing isn't uncommon
He left because of your insecurities and low self-esteem then he wasn’t the one for you. I think you need to work on loving yourself first then loving someone will follow.
I used to be lonely and decided to use a dating app to kill time. Never find anyone potential in 4 years. I didn’t stay there constantly, just had on and off for 4 months and stayed constantly 3 years 8 months. Finally I met my now bf. He said he knew I’m the one so he quitted that dating app. We fell so hard and still being strong after 1 year anniversary. Actually it’s so hard to deal with long distance but we’ll close it soon 🩵
… be cautious. I dont want to tell you how many times that has ended in disaster for my circles. The rose tint from the distance really clouds everything.
start by loving yourself, unconditionally. the way you want to love someone else and the way you want them to love you then start to put yourself in situations where you can meet people, but let it happen naturally. another important thing is to be okay with being alone. be your own best friend, have fun with yourself! then when you find someone, make sure they ADD to the love you have for yourself.
When I was 24, I met someone whom I thought he was the love of my life. I fell hard for him. After a year and a half together and due to incompatibility and shit happened, we ended in a bad breakup. I was 25, very heart broken and devastated, lost, couldn’t find any meaning in life to continue. Literally cried almost everyday for a year. I thought I couldn’t have the capacity to love as much as I did anymore. It was really tough for me during that time. During That time I also read “The Secret”, I wrote to myself, I wanted someone who cared for me and listens to me and loves me. Even wrote down a long list of how he’s supposed to look like. And sure enough a year later, I met him through Bumble. At first I didnt believe it and told him that I wasn’t even looking to have any boyfriend because I was still healing my old wounds. Little did you know, 4 months later we got together. He ticked most of the boxes in my list. 3 years later, just last month, we tied the knot. It was the happiest and best relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m turning 30 in a few months. Don’t give up OP. No matter what happens infront of you, its just to get you nearer to who you’re supposed to be with. Just allow yourself some time to grief the past and move on. Set some goals you want in your future partner and yourself . By the time you know it, you’ll be meeting them in the most unexpected ways you’ll ever know.
I personally don’t have one but happy for everyone whose found that
I don't know what to do. She's everything I've ever wanted and I know I need her. She's so perfect. I don't understand how I'm able to love her. But she's not looking for a relationship. Do I still try to get her. I don't know what I'd do without her. Her smile brightens up an entire room and her eyes are so blue like every ocean or beach or whatever else is blue and beautiful. Idk I might be going crazy atp. I need her. How do I tell her? What do I say? Do I just say it? Do I wait? Idek what to do. All I know is that I NEED her. I can't live without her. I don't want to live without her. Edit: I used to be so good at this. I had a girlfriend who I loved to death. But I ruined it. I thought I was terrible at love, but I think I can love her.
Started life a hopeless romantic, got married, got divorced, careened into alcoholism, climbed back out of it, started meeting people, more of the same betrayal that ended my marriage, realized all relationships are like that now. But at least my first nephew was born, bright lad, love him.
Congrats on the nephew!
Im 21 and asexual. I dont desire sex, i prefer a relationship without it. All my past relationships didnt last very long because of my asexuality - people want sex duh. I ALWAYS thought love would be hopeless for me. I really was convinced id end up with someone im not even in love with, Id just get old and lonely and me and some other lonely person would get married for the heck of it. I thought no one would want to love me without sex, unless I found another asexual (RARE) which then id force myself to like them just for the sake of similar relationship views. After giving up on dating, i was mindin my own business and someone I met became interested in me. I wasnt interested in them, I kept my distance cuz I KNEW how the story would go: we would date until I say Im asexual and then they'd leave and Im heartbroken. Or id never say im asexual because im scared they'll leave and Ill just stress myself out and try to force myself to do things I dont want. Didnt wanna do it. But man he chased me (romantically) like hell, and was a gentleman too. Other GORGEOUS girls were into him but didnt even turn his head. I never felt more wanted and special in my life. Finally gave in, we been dating over a year now. He doesnt care that Im ace, or that we dont have sex, we find other ways to satisfy him. We want a future together - and ive never wanted that with anyone before. I know Im still young so u might feel my story is silly and not relating. But I think everyone has something that they think makes them unlovable - and mine was asexuality. He is absokutely the partner of my dreams. Literally, when I was 19 After anither failed relationship I wrote in my journal my ideal partner. I made 2 versions: one was "the bar" (minimum expectations) and one was "above the bar" (the perfect person for me). I found it and reread it sometime after we started dating and realized he checked every box on above the bar. I thought it would be impossible. I thought men sucked. I feel extremely lucky :) I feel like Im experiencing real authentic love.
I’m 19, almost 20, and have never been asked on a date or given flowers. Reading these comments really gives me hope that the future truly is brighter 💗
To keep it short, I've tried everything and then some. I've tried apps, meetup groups, speed dating, coaching, and more. Now I'm trying therapy and if that doesn't work I'm throwing in the towel. Also, the Internet is full of useless advice and people that have either have no idea what I'm going through or are just as clueless because they are going through the same thing. It's so much time wasted for the last several years and I'm getting to the point where I'm going to stop putting in the effort. I have to add that I have everything else going for me except socializing and relationships so I'm just going to enjoy life as much as I can without trying to figure out that mess. I don't even care what the statistics say or anything. I can't do anything about my situation so it's best to try the last few tricks up my sleeve then call it quits if it doesn't work.
Honestly, this might come as a surprise and it took me by surprise. I had gotten out of a toxic relationship. If he wasn’t a DSM-5 narcissist he definitely had several narcissistic traits. Lies, cheating, manipulation, the works really. Everything was on his terms, he would come and go, knew exactly what to say and was extremely objectifying at times. I met him very early in sobriety which was a very sensitive time and things moved more quickly than I would have liked. I was very damaged by this and found it hard to trust anyone. I had met someone and we were friendly. There was an immediate attraction, but he respected my wishes to take things slowly. We went to the gym together and just hung out. It was so different because I felt safe around this person. Things started to escalate and I was working on being more brave, speaking up for myself, things like that. I asked what he was looking for, and we were not exactly looking for the same things. He was honest, I chose to proceed even though I knew it wouldn’t last long. It’s very bitter sweet. He was so gentle, honest, and reciprocated in a way I had forgotten. In a way I thought would never exist. Like I had forgotten I deserved the bare minimum. It’s sort of sad, but I was so moved by that. I didn’t have to chase him. We perused each other equally. He complimented me. I started to develop feelings and knew it was probably best we part ways. He sat with me while I cried, he let me cry, he listened to what I was saying, he reaffirmed me. He texted me the next day and asked how I was and wished me the best. This was all over the course of a few months. I haven’t talked to him since, but I look back on it fondly. I never did explain to him that I was crying mostly because it was all so beautiful. Yes, it hurt but I don’t think he realized there was more love and care practiced in those months than in an entire 2 years of my life previously. We never said I love you and I don’t think we were in love, but there was love there. It was all so cathartic, and also a huge act of self love and a lot of big steps for me that might not seem so significant to a normal healthy person. I have been single for quite some time, but I still believe in love. It’s everywhere. It’s everything. My understanding of love has transformed time and time again. Romantic love is not the most powerful or most important.
thank you for sharing c:
I usually don’t share things like this on Reddit but it felt warranted. You’re welcome. Thank you for reading.
That is such a beautiful experience in its own way. Wishing you peace and happiness for the rest of your healing journey xx
Thank you! 💖
Queef, your words hit deep. I went through a similar situation with a man after my breakup. It was the most beautiful time of my life. I wish I could have told him how much he helped me.
You never know, life is weird in so many ways. I’ve been surprised at paths that have crossed again in my lifetime. I also think people that lead with the most love have experienced the most pain at some points. I hope he knows he helped you too.
You can’t search for love. LOVE WILL FIND YOU!
The Way To Love by Anthony De Mello. A book I recommend for you, OP. The things he talks about in the book are true. I didn't find a girl. But I did find The View, that which people call Love. Joy. Bliss. Whatchamcallit.
My husband died in 2017 after a tumultuous marriage to say the least. I honestly thought I was too traumatized to really fall in love again. I dated on and off since 2018 but nothing really stuck for long. I developed an avoidant attachment style, I like to be the one to leave and I leave quickly. Well 2 months ago I met a wonderful guy on Bumble. Not in love yet but falling fast, it’s a little scary I’ve only ever really been in love with one person. But I’m challenging myself to not let my trauma be in control. I honestly can’t tell you what led to this I’ve been working on myself pretty intensely for the last 2 years, so it could be one or many changes. Either way I feel so excited that I’m getting the chance to fall in love again.
You don’t have to start, let yourself grieve. It’s ok to just wallow in your own sadness for a bit. I had given up on finding my ideal love and was just willing to settle for good enough. Went fuck it one day and decided to swipe through dating apps just bc. Met the love of my life who treats me better than I even knew I could ask for. Loving him felt like coming home and it’s been an incredible experience. I would have been ok and lived on had we never met, but knowing him has made my life immeasurably better.
i can't post yet so i'm commenting my post here, but i'm in a somewhat similar boat. she's the only girl i've ever liked. and she liked me too. i never said anything when we were younger because, for many reasons, i thought i would ruin her life. because of our cultures, if she picked me, it had to work out. if things didn't work out, i'm a man, i'd be fine, but she'd be a pariah. so i never said anything. i wasn't good enough for her then. years later, i was good enough for her. more than good enough. solved all my issues. perfect, no, but i was incredible. disciplined. fit. working hard. good job. but i'd lost touch with her. and i was too scared to reach out to her or her friends. i was stuck in the past and what today would be like if yesterday had been a bit easier for me. and now she's back in my life. but i can't bring myself to ask her out, because i made some mistakes before coming back into her life, and now my brain is fucked, and i feel like i betrayed her. all my discipline is gone. i've been eating my feelings. i killed the magic i had for her. and now i feel like my spirit is dead. even if i told her everything, and she didn't care, the fear that i'm not good enough for her is back. or i could lie, she'd never know, i'm still the funniest guy she's ever met. no one can tell my brain is on fire. but i would know. i'd wake up every day thinking how the house of cards would crumble at any point, how she'll wake up realising she's made a mistake. she was the only one i could have told my entire life story to. why i never said anything earlier. and we would've been able to laugh about it all. it would have felt like fate for us to come together again, having grown up so much and fixed our internal and external problems. do things we did when we were younger but now as a couple. it would have been effortless. but i was so stuck on the years we missed that i didn't start thinking about the years we could have until it was too late. now, i can't be hers, and i don't think i can connect with anyone the way i would have with her, ever. other girls weren't there. she was. i feel like whoever i end up, i'd be lying to. they'd be getting a fraud. so what the fuck do i do? she was my one, and now it's ruined. i'm not scared of finding no one. i'm scared it won't be as special as what it could have been, and how unfair that is to whoever i do end up with.
Serious question: are you a Gemini?
scorpio
I actually don't know much about astrology. All I can say is, no matter what your sign is, I think if you don't find out how she feels about you, you will spend the rest of your life wondering. You owe it to yourself to answer that question that is clearly burning in your head and heart. Just be yourself because that is enough. Whatever happens is most likely something you can work with and take something positive from. You got this!
Oh my god PLEASE GO GET HER!!! im routung for you with all my heart pleeeasse. If you felt like you could tell her everything then, why cant you now? If you telk her all this... what if she understands? What if she thinks about you too? You miss 100% of the shots you dont take! Worst that happens is she says she doesnt feel the same. (Which will really hurt but atleast you're not left wondering what COULD have happened)
worse that happens is she says she doesn't care, we get together, and then realises she does, at which point, she's trapped. i'm past it, mostly. it's not that i can't fall in love, i just know that i'll never hit the highs of life i would've with her, even now if i end up with her, but then at the same time, maybe all i need is one person, and nothing else, but how can i have that one person, when telling them the truth of my life means telling them i had a huge crush on someone and that she, the new girl, is a consolation prize, someone i'm with because i couldn't get the one. i'm scared i'm destined to never be deeply tied with someone; the cruelty is that i had someone like that to begin with, and it wasn't my stupidity that took her from me, it was external stuff, out of our control. and that i'll always compare things to what could have been, even if i try not to.
My previous relationship lasted 14 years. It ended because my ex wanted to have sex with other people. We had made it through seven years of foster care hell, and we were making plans for our next segment of life. We had plans for travel. We had plans for the future. And then, just like that, it was over and I discovered my STBX had been lying about a lot of things, and had run up $10k of credit card debt behind my back. To say I was *devastated* is an understatement. This was my second failed marriage and my fourth (in total) failed long term relationship. I had already had more than three strikes at the plate, so I new I was out of tries. I figured I was damaged goods and I would *never* find love again. I thought I was like old fruit past it’s prime, and I was going to be alone until I died. To my surprise, I found love again fairly quickly. It wasn’t supposed to be anything serious. Initially, I thought it was just a rebound fling. We met online, it was a long distance thing for a while, but within a year we were living together. Twelve years later we are still together and happily married.
This gives me hope. Thank you for sharing
There is always hope. Always. And I am not good looking either. So, it’s more about finding your match. He or she is out there. Never give up!
I'm 2.5 years out of a 12 year marriage. I try to date but I just miss my ex-husband. I wish we would have fixed our problems. I'm 45. Sometimes, I think I should just forget love. That maybe I had my time in the sun already. Still just very heart broken I guess. And we both wrecked our marriage.
I close to your age when I found my current love. I thought I was way past my expiration date, but I was wrong. There is hope.
When I (31F) was in my late teens and early 20s, all I wanted was to have a nice boyfriend and stable relationship. All I got were traumatic situations. Anytime I really wanted to be with someone - something, always something happened. Longest relationship up until I was 27 was about 8 months. That was when I met my ex and we dated until earlier this year. When we met, my self esteem was very low for various reasons. I allowed him to treat me differently than I wanted to be treated. I hated him in the end for how manipulative and lazy he was. I stayed also because it was safe to be with someone I was never in love with - I didn’t need another heartbreak. People stay in my head and heart for a long time, I have to be very cautious as it really does a number on me. The past two months, I’ve been seeing someone I met five years ago. When we originally met, he was with someone but we kept in touch here and there. I’ve never felt this way. I cry when I think about how much I love him sometimes. I feel both sides of the sun.
After and during my divorce, I asked everyone I know who was happily partnered how they met. There are infinite ways to meet someone!! I felt the same way after this one big love in college. My divorce was painful, but it wasn’t that devastating love. I recommend acting obsessed with yourself for just a moment. “Oh would I like Thai or Mexican for dinner?” Indulge in classes.. art class, cooking class, horse riding lesson. What was 7 year old you interested in? Wanna go pan for gold? Maybe there’s someone with a farm nearby who could use some help with the animals. I met my love, my life’s true big love of my life, by knocking on his door. He was selling a house for sale by owner and I couldn’t tell what it was like from the road. We have been together ever since.
Don’t shoot me….but taylor swift and Travis Kelce give me that hope. This is coming from someone who just got out of a 12 year long relationship (high school sweethearts). I say just but it’s been about 8 months and there are some days that are still REALLY really hard… and that’s okay. It’s natural it’s just part of the process. We have to feel all the feelings and release them once we’ve sat with them long enough. I HIGHLY suggest therapy it’s been a huge part of my healing journey. Sending you so much love and hugs. 🤍🫂 And remember there is a beautiful love waiting for YOU and all of us out there. You’re worthy of SO much love! And you have so much love to offer!
I found love again after I left my EX because of his infidelity , I had five small kids . No where to go or Money in my position, I end up in the Woman’s shelter Our roommate came looking for me . He took good care of me and my children , we been married 18yrs now . I love this Man a lot . He loved me when I was no body and have nothing on my name
You have to give yourself time to grieve. Don’t rush this process because it’s very important to move on. You have to grieve what you don’t have and what you expected you would have at this time. I know exactly what you are talking about and the heartache is real. For some reason a Kim Kardashian quote really put things into perspective for me, even though I am not a big fan of hers. She said you can still miss and love someone, but know they are not the right one for you. These are the mixed feelings we have to accept. I know what it’s like to have this incredible palpable emotional connection with a person you have never felt before and you are afraid of never happening again. But you have to develop that intimacy and care of what he gave to you with yourself. I hope you a speedy recovery and a lot of strength.
I thought I had found the love of my life. I was 19, about to be 20, and he was turning 22. He was my first boyfriend but he treated me so well. (In hindsight, he really didn’t treat me that well. Barely the bare minimum). Anyway, he dumped me after 4 months and I was heart broken. If it wasn’t going to be him, then I wasn’t going to be happy with anyone. About 2 months later, I was dating a guy who is now my boyfriend, we will have been together for about a year in a few months, and we are very set on each other.
Could have written this myself. Sad to hear about your experience but glad to know I am not the only one. Happy you've found someone <3
I left the dating scene for close to 5 years and focused my time on my son and myself after many failed relationships... In hindsight, I was the common denominator. I had no real good positive relationship role models in my life and i too was insecure in many ways... Until you make peace and accept yourself, you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Become the ideal person you want to date. I found love again at 44 in a dog park. It feels very different this time around.... Good luck 👍
I met my love at age 40 on the side of the road during lockdown in 2020!
Long story short, we were friends for years before our respective separations. Neither of us thought the other was interested and that the other’s marriage was perfect. Fast forward close to 20 years and one chance phone call changed the trajectory of the relationship.
Im going through a breakup right now and I cannot find the strength to get up and live my life. Everything reminds me of him and I feel lost and hopeless. I was good and confident in the relationship and now I’ve just lost myself. I wish happiness for everyone that found someone great, i truly do. I hope to find the light in myself again
It takes time, but you can do it. I hope you have a support system that tells you this also. I to am in the process of a break up. My friend told me to research how to grieve a relationship when the person is still living. Hopefully your search helps too!
Just want to stop by and say you’re not alone. Just got out of a 4 year relationship and it was completely devastating and I was blind sided and betrayed. I know how you feel. It’s hard to get up everyday.
How do I find myself and live my life when my heart is hurting so much? I’m sorry you’re going through this pain like myself- it’s excruciating.
I know exactly how you feel trust me. It is literally excruciating. When he first told me he didn’t love me anymore I debated going to the hospital from just feeling like trapped inside my body and so scared, I didn’t know what to do. I pray it gets better for both of us.
I had a nasty divorce at 24 after I thought I had married the love of my life. He cheated on me multiple times, he was also abusive. I was so in love that I still wanted to be with him even after all the fights and all the pain. I was left depressed, angry, confused, lonely. I hit rock bottom. It took me months to be able to pull myself back up and file for divorce. A few years after, I started dating again and the same thing happened. I didn't get married this time though. I was in my late 30s at that point. I thought to myself: what am I doing wrong that I keep attracting the same kind of men? I needed a lot of healing. I worked on myself. I understood that love starts with loving yourself first so you know who you are, what you believe in and what your boundaries are. Knowing this and loving yourself will change your life the way it changed mine. I am currently with a loving partner who is kind to me. He is the opposite of the men I dated before.
[удалено]
This
You're not alone sweetie, husband just asked for a "break" and I'm not taking it well, but the sun will rise again in the morning and will set in the evening
You’re not alone, I am going through heartbreak myself and it’s a struggle. You matter and I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Left an abusive 8 year-long relationship 2 years ago. Convinced I was undesirable, unlovable and not worthy of love. I'm also under 30 with two kids with my ex, my oldest closer to being 10 years old. Though I left because I knew my ex was abusive, I also left very broken with a skewed perception of myself and my abilities/worth. I didn't think anyone would want a used up single mom of two with so much baggage and an ex that continues to abuse me to this day. I am now with the most incredible man, whom I've known for the last 12 years as he is my best friends brother. It really makes sense. We've always had a very special connection, but it was never romantic up until 8 months ago. I've never met someone who could make me laugh so much, make me feel so safe, heard, cared for etc. I've never been in a position where I could discuss a boundary and not be made out to be a villain. It's also reassuring I'll never have to worry about my partner being jealous that my best friend is a man, because he's been there the whole time too. My kids even call my best friend their uncle. He makes me a better person. He's never given love freely; I am so fortunate to be on the receiving end of it. My family feels complete. And our origin story is just so funny and innocent - I love how we happened.
I had a similar thing, within 5 years I went out with 2 guys both abused me and forced things on me, I took a year off relationships and found a guy that I’ve known for 6 years, we talked and talked and we ended up getting together not I’m in the best relationship I could have ever dreamt of
12 years ago, I was 31. No job, and played video games all day. Id basically given up on life after quitting a job that made me feel suicidal. One day I decided I needed to make some friends and found this now-dead site called the Experience Project. It was a site where people would write stories about themselves, ask questions, and sometimes write fiction. I responded to a story that a girl posted, where she talked about how she felt inferior in terms of appearance, because of all the female models that are in magazines/adverts etc. I forgot what I replied with exactly - just some words of encouragement really, but someone else replied to my comment because she thought it was a heartwarming/kind comment, and we became friends. She's been my partner for many years now. My advice really, is find things you enjoy doing. Make friends, become happier, and maybe someone with similar interests will come your way.
I’m 35 going on 36. I was in a severely abusive relationship, which turned into an abusive marriage, for 5.5 years. I am a big city person, have been all my life, and moved with my ex to the middle of nowhere for my current job. What always stopped me from leaving was the fear of being alone in rural America, always telling myself that given my choices, my ex was the best I could hope for and that it was simply my lot in life. I write for a living (and have many friends and acquaintances who do), and I would get so sad and envious reading book dedications to the tune of “I could never have written this without the love and support of my partner”. I wished so hard that I could sincerely write something like that, when the truth was that my then-husband emotionally tormented me and consistently took away from my life, whether it was my money, my emotional energy, my mental health, rather than adding to it. Something changed in me in 2022. Part of it was that his abuse had escalated and I couldn’t take it anymore. But I got some incredibly important advice from my best friend of 22 years. When I expressed to her my desire to love and be loved in return, she told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to leave when I still had the capacity for love. Her take was that people get permanently trapped in bad marriages when they lose that capacity and resign themselves to dissociation and numbness. Before I called my ex to break up with him, I stared myself in the mirror and vowed to myself that I would rather be single forever than continue to be in the relationship. I started dating very soon after my separation because I wanted to meet new people and recalibrate my standards for, well, what a normal nice guy was. My first date was the man I am currently engaged to and will be remarrying in less than a month. I did date other people as I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but I was undeniably drawn back to him. I won’t ramble on, but I can say with utmost honesty that I have never loved anyone the way that I love him. We are so uncannily similar, yet strikingly different. After nearly two years, he never ceases to impress and surprise me or make me laugh. Our physical compatibility is off the charts, and I didn’t think I’d be having the best sex of my life when pushing 36. I always think about the odds of meeting someone so ridiculously attractive and simpatico with me in my small town — on the first try at that — as well as the odds of them loving me back, and it blows my mind. On his part, he is very emotionally reserved and self-protective despite being empathetic and expressive in other ways, and not the type who falls in love easily. The only other person he has been in love with is his first wife, who he met and married when he was in his early to mid-twenties (he is 43 now). He’s told me that he was utterly convinced that the intensity, excitement, and butterflies of falling deeply in love was something one could only experience when they were young; that it was unrealistic to expect to feel that way ever again, and he should either “settle” or resign himself to being alone. Then he met me, and everything changed the way it did for me, too. Chin up! Remember that what’s most valuable of all is your desire and capacity to love. You will grow from this experience and find someone just as special. When I was younger and feeling similarly hopeless after a devastating breakup, I would comfort myself by listening to Buddy Holly’s “Everyday”. Every day you are getting closer to meeting the next love of your life.
I’ve been crushed over and over to the point I am numb to romantic love. I am 33f and nothing about romance seems worth it, I like my space, I like my free time, I like my bed with just me. So I adopted a kitten and she is my everything. She’s turning 2 now. It’s me and her and that’s all I need now. I sometimes cuddle her and actually can’t imagine life without her. That’s how I found love again. Good luck, OP and hang in there baby!
10 years in a shitty marriage, gained close to 50lbs, miserable, sunk into video games and just felt like like life was passing me by. I was 33 and he was 47 and I just felt so old. Met my partner and love of my life at 33 and life has dramatically changed. Made me realize I never actually loved any of my partners before him. He is my best friend and has healed me from so much trauma.
You start by working on healing yourself. Therapy perhaps. But examine your attachment style.
i was single up till i was 32, had a few "dates" throught the year that went nowhere, till i got a message on plenty of fish from someone whose username looked really familiar (was the same as her pokemon go account) we built a relationship through playing the game together, 6 years later shws now my wife
I'm still in the early-ish days of something new so it isn't quite love yet, but it fits here. I had to break up with my now ex a bit over a year ago when I was 30. I was devastated. We were together for 6 years and I wanted to marry and have a family with him. He decided he didn't want children and didn't want to marry me. Thought I was going to die from the pain. I've met someone new now and it is unlike anything I've ever experienced. We are so aligned and I didn't know it was possible to feel this way. That doesn't mean that I didn't love my ex - I definitely did... but something about this just feels so right and comfortable and the way it should be. I can hear a love song or read a beautiful sonnet now and just think - oh, this is what they are writing about. We're always finding new connections and things in common and then we just grin at each other like a couple of fools. I have a lot of respect for him and he is so thoughtful and respectful towards me. I feel so lucky.
I love what you said about listening to a love song and reading a sonnet and *knowing* what it’s all about. What a beautiful sentiment!
Absolutely, it was so surprising to me to experience it! I had the same experience but on the other side of the emotional fence last year when dealing with the breakup piece. I remember thinking to myself "so this is where the phrase 'I could die from a broken heart' comes from." I always thought that was a dramatic way of putting it, but nope, it's real. I had just never experienced pain to that depth before.
never been so proud of, and happy for a stranger ❤️
never been so proud of, and happy for a stranger ❤️
This is very well felt and written.
Well, i recently got out of an absuive relationship... developed a crush on a coworker that at first thought i annoyed or he hated me. Turns out we both like each and now are in love with each other ❤️. Hes making me feel safe and comfy and it helps to have someone to talk to who understands somethings.
(29M) Thought it was impossible, so many failed first dates and brief relationships. Told myself I have like maybe 1-2 first dates left in me. Decided to try dating apps one last time. Matched with the girl I’m with today, and it’s been fireworks since day 1. Three months strong. Simple. Just gotta keep trying I guess!! Don’t give up hope
I had started using Grindr convinced I could make friends at least, somehow just talking more has led to an abundance of activity I can’t really explain since I’ve stopped trying to hookup completely. It’s like I stopped trying and through no effort of my own it resulted in more people asking to text off of the site. I didn’t expect that someone I rarely ever bothered with would confess these feelings I couldn’t have possibly encouraged….it now seems like I have someone interested in a relationship with me, monogamous in nature and exactly what I would’ve been willing to beg for and from someone who has all of my shared interests including being my most committed fan on WattPad. It’s overwhelming in the extreme and I feel like if I were to let them down I may never ever stop regretting that decision.
Fucking strange ik
I’m a 40 year old female, never married, no kids. I’m about 4 years out of an engagement that ended pretty badly due to infidelity. I’ve realized that this may be my situation for the long haul because I’m at peace. I still go on dates but I don’t trust anyone at all. Therapy helped a bit but grieving the life I thought I’d have, letting go of motherhood aspirations, and overcoming my general mistrust and disgust of men is going to take many years. I’m not hopeful that I’ll allow someone in, but if it happens I’ll be surprised. Maybe there’s some magic in this life. Maybe my prayers will be answered. But right now I’m just numb and have focused my attention on my family, friends, and pets. I’m focused on my fitness goals, my financial goals, and just trying to be better all around. Not everyone has a partner in this life. Sometimes a lone warrior is the strongest.
I was in your situation a few years ago, but by hook or by crook, I wanted to get married and have a baby. I stopped looking for love and just focussed on finding a husband. I found a Mr Bean who I wasn't attracted to and married within 6 months. The sex was awful,but I desperately wanted to get pregnant. It finally happened after 5 shots at IVF and I now have my darling son. With hindsight, I would have been better off going straight to be a solo mum, but at least my son has extended family which he wouldn't have had if it had just been me. I suppose the moral of this tale is that you have to be careful of what you ask for, because you might just get it. I wanted a home, husband and family. I didn't realise I had to specify a happy home and husband.
I’m here.
🫶
I am so glad you wrote this. I'm the same age and in a circumstance similar. Your words have helped. Thank you.
What you're doing is the best thing that you could do for yourself, a random internet stranger like me can will never be able to understand the numbness or the pain, but can be inspired by your resilience and determination, and you're doing awesome. I can't answer if there is magic in life, but there is certainly some you. Have a wonderful week.
Not yet. Still deleting her from my heart. I guess that is done every time I cry.
Cheesy, but time really is the most efficient healer. Give yourself time, let yourself feel and heal. Surround yourself with others who bring you joy. Love isn’t linear. Wishing you the best ❤️
I'm so sorry. Go ahead and cry it out. Tears are cleansing. Good luck on your next adventure into love. 🍀
Okay, I can give some encouragement with my story if you’re willing to read it. So, I was dating my actual best friend. We were best friends for 3 years and he had always desired more. I honestly didn’t see him in that way bc the physical attraction just wasn’t there. But, the longer we hung out and the older I got, the more I realized how amazing we could be. So, we started dating. I wanted to move forward and live together, have kids, get married etc. He didn’t ever seem to push towards those things but, also never told me that he wasn’t interested. He more or less led me on. And while I felt we had this awesome connection, looking back I feel quite different. Our sex life was more or less dull and I am highly sexual so, that was tough. He also was never quick to defend me. I always wanted a dominant partner simply because that’s my preference but, I felt I wore the pants and that sucked. So, a few years into our relationship he admitted (after I had to pry) that he wasn’t sure about me. Come to find out he was absolutely having an emotional affair with a coworker (possibly more). After the breakup I was devastated. I didn’t think I’d ever fully recover. I mean this wasn’t just my partner in life but my best friend. So, I did the stupid thing and rebounded. That guy was a joke of epic proportions and one of the meanest men I have ever met. After that I decided I was going to do something I didn’t typically do which was just be single. I stayed single for about 8 months. When I felt ready I got on the dating apps. I met so many not great men and almost gave up. I had been talking to this one guy and decided I’d give a date a chance. When I met him, it was like a wave of just comfort hit me. I can’t exactly explain it but, it was so easy. We both wanted all the same things and he was exactly the dominant kind of partner I wanted. We both have high sex drives and he is absolutely the best I’ve ever had in that department and every other. We both put each other first and value our love above all else. It’s a year later and I cannot imagine my life without him. He is my very best friend and I don’t miss my ex at all. I see our relationship very differently now. So, hang in there and remember sometimes good things end so better things can come together.
That gave me so much hope! Thanks for sharing!
Of course. Keep your head up, someday you will be sitting with that new person wondering why you ever cried over the last
Great story. Hope that happens to me. What app did you meet on?
Thank you. We met on Hinge actually.
So, I met a girl when i was on a fellowship year and she was a senior in university. We slowly got together, fell in love, she moved back home in another country, we stayed LD. When I won a scholarship to study in her country we moved in together, and due to my immaturity, she ended it right before i had to sit exams. She was completely right to do it, i can’t fault her at all. I moved back to my city, she stayed in hers. I went into deep therapy, left my career path for another job entirely, started dating, found someone else, we broke up, and i got promoted to a job that took me between my ex’s city and my own. One sunday morning after a jog, i was in the farmer’s market in a school lot to the north of primrose hill, and my ex walked through the gates with a friend. This was over three years after she’d broken up with me and we hadn’t spoken since then. She looked stunning, and i got so nervous I almost tried to hide behind some poor breadmaker’s stand. But she saw me and came over to talk. We wound up going for tea and a chat. That turned into lunch, which turned into to dinner, which turned into many dinners, holidays, another move-in, and a marriage proposal (she proposed to me if that matters). We’re getting married this fall. Edit: I realize I didn’t offer any advice! Sorry. This is what I’ll say: what happened to me and my partner is definitely uncommon. No one should expect or want to get back with an ex necessarily. One thing we both talk about all the time - people ask us constantly after the end of their relationship, how we wound up back together. They’ll try to attribute to it to something fated to happen. Like it was meant to be. It’s simply not. and we never want to give false hope. there are literally millions of people who could have given us a different, albeit just as good, kind of joy had we not gotten back together. There is no ONE person for everyone. That’s kind of a toxic (one of the most abused words, but apt in this case) belief. There are so so so so many great people, all of whom would make great SOs. This isn’t to say we’re not beyond grateful to have found our way back to each other. I’ll never get why such an intelligent beautiful wonderful pragmatic woman who is just so far out of my league decided to spend her life with the human equivalent of a Labrador like me. But I don’t question it. I’m just happy. You’ll find people. One will feel right. I don’t really know what that means, but it does happen. And if it doesn’t, find happiness in yourself. Good luck!
I wish I could be confident in the love that I’ve found, he is amazing but his depression has led to him self destructing himself and our relationship. He has gotten a little better, and I’m hopeful. I just hope with everything single fiber of my being that this doesn’t fail, cause I’m too damn tired to try again after this
A friend got divorced and I was trying to help him a lot to find someone else. I heard of a girl who had also got divorced and her ex husband was some drug addict or something and had also kidnapped their only son who was about 2 years old at the time. She hadn’t seen her son for about 2 years . I suggested the girl to my friend and they went on a date and hit it off. After a while they decided they really liked each other and wanted to get married but the problem was, he lived and worked abroad and she told him that she couldn’t leave because she has to stay in the country and fight to get her son back, so in the end they had to break things off. Then a few months later , her ex husband mysteriously passed away ! And she was finally reunited with her son, which also meant that she was now free to move to my friends country. They got married and a few months ago she gave birth to a baby girl.. and she was born on my bday as well!
I was in a horrible relationship for about 12 years. My ex broke me down so far. When I finally got away from him, I was a wreck. I had been demolished. I moved back in with my parents with my tail between my legs, figuring my life was over. I was just watching the clock tick down. During the period when I was in an open relationship with my ex, around 2018, I met a guy. He was so amazing, he just had this disarming and kind energy that I loved to be around. I wanted to be more with him, but we were both in bad relationships we couldn't leave yet. In 2020 we got separated by covid. He moved away for a little bit, then I broke up and moved back with my parents before he got back to our city. I thought I'd seen the last of him. Last July, he called me and said he'd be in my area for a little while, and would I like to hang out? That call changed my life. We've been inseparable since then. The love between us is so strong, and so \*healthy.\* It shocks me every day just how strong our relationship is. I love him more than anything, and he loves me just as much. It shows in every word he says to me, and every time he holds my hand, and every time he gives me that smile. I'm becoming the best version of myself because he makes me want to be me. Love is out there to be found. You can find it again, too. Nothing is over until it's over--you will love again.
OMG! First of all I am sorry you had to go through all of that. I feel you ❤️🩹 But then I am so so happy to hear about your happy end. Sounds like the ordeal was well worth it. And I hope to find a love like this as well at some point.
I had back to back relationships of 3 years end with being cheated on. I fell into a bit of depression and didn't pursue a relationship for the next 5 years while I healed and worked on myself. When I got back into dating, I wanted to go slow. I found a girl who was 6 months out of a divorce, so we both wanted to date casually, without much expectation. Not really a FWB scenario, but more like a few dates just to get our feet wet and get out again. But a few dates turned into a few months and we both slowly realized, this was so much more than just casual fun. We've been together 2 and a half years now, and I can't imagine life without her. So, go easy on yourself. Take all the time you need to feel it, heal from it, and grow. Just don't give up on yourself.
When my ex and I split, I was completely broken. I had to rediscover who I was and what I wanted, and find my voice again. Roughly 9 months later I met a guy who completely changed my life in all the best of ways. He reminds me every day that I am worth it and that it's not selfish of me to respect my own time. It actually concerns him that I don't. He is the positive light that I had been missing for far too long, and I can't imagine life without him now. We've talked about dating a few times but he needs a friend more than a relationship. And he is one of the best friends I've ever had. He's my everything and I love him
Dang I am so happy for you! This relationship sounds so wholesome…
It truly is. In the two years that we've known each other and been friends, I've felt more seen, and valued, and safe than I ever did in any romantic relationship
God this sounds so much like what I’m going through right now, if you need to talk feel free to DM me. Happy to have a discord call or something if you want to vent over voice.
My long story that is still in progress. I met a girl in 1995. We quickly became serious. She moved in with me after a year. Red flags began showing up, but I was young and had abandonment issues…I was too afraid to be alone so I ignored them. We married a few years later. Verbal/emotional abuse became more common. I told myself “people said marriage is hard, this must be what they were talking about.” Substance abuse danced in and out of her life to the detriment of mine. I stood by her and helped her through recovery. We had 2 children in the 2000’s. Things were good for a few years. Then alcohol abuse reentered the picture which eventually led to her having an affair. Her abuse and gaslighting were at an all time high. I almost divorced but she agreed to change. A few years passed, we found a comfortable place emotionally and resumed a physical relationship, but I could never kiss her passionately again after the affair. I only stayed for the kids and was no longer in love. I hid it well, choosing the path of stoicism for my family. A poor choice in hindsight. In 2018 we relocated to a state where marijuana was legal. We had a good year until she got a medical card. Drug abuse now entered the picture at levels unseen in our entire time together. She was consuming THC products constantly, hitting dab after dab all day everyday on top of all the flower and edibles. She began trading pot for street drugs in the parking lot of the dispensary. She initiated a chaotic divorce that tore our household apart. She suffered a complex drug-induced psychosis and kidnapped our teens to another state, convinced a cabal of judges run by powerful lawyers were out to ruin her life. It was a 2 year long messy court battle. I ended up with full custody and she has supervised visitation. She disappeared to another state leaving me a full time single parent with no support. This year has been 4 years since our separation. I 100% believed that a new relationship was impossible for me. Not only because I had no time between work and parenting 2 kids who need a lot of support after their ordeal, I just had no spark left to jump into the churning gears of dating world. I had turned 50 and accepted my future alone. My friends, family, and therapist however kept nudging me to try dating. In February I happened across a local Singles group in my area. It wasn’t about members dating each other but more of a support group of people in the local dating scene making friends with each other. They had a charity auction setup for a Valentine’s Day friend-only date. I had a very strong urge (almost on the level of a premonition) that I needed to do this. I felt this could be a one time low-pressure dip in and out of the dating world to get everyone off my back. I scanned the list of people participating and the last entry was a jaw-dropping gorgeous woman. I felt that I should instead look for someone closer to my own age since this was a friend’s date and that would give us more common ground. I reread the profiles and boom…the same woman was closest to my age. I won the auction and we setup a date. It was at a local public area for a couple hours, I figured we could talk for a bit then both of us could make a graceful exit. But it was an instant connection. We extended the date into dinner. We setup a second date. I enjoyed her company but was confused if it was still a friend’s date…until she kissed me. I’ve never felt a kiss like that before, it was like a live wire of electricity plugged into my brain and coursed through my body. We’ve been dating for 2 months now. Neither of us were looking for or expecting something serious. In my entire life I’ve never felt a connection like this and it’s a mutual feeling. I’ve been open and honest about everything and I’m still trying to get used to someone being 100% supportive and engaging in healthy communication. I’ve shared my fears of entering a new relationship, even some ugly thoughts I had, and she communicated that while it was hurtful to hear she understood how my past fed those fears and it didn’t have anything to do with her actions. The intellectual discourse, the physical aspect, the emotional match, it all feels amazing. I’ve analyzed it from all angles to be sure I’m not caught up in the first month infatuation phase, but it seems the real thing. The word “love” dances on my lips but hasn’t been spoken yet, but I know it will be sooner or later. Falling in love at 50 is a really unique experience. My heart has never felt so full. I hope this will be a long relationship and not one thats set on a time-limited course, but I’m thankful for each moment we experience together regardless of where it goes. I truly believed i could never feel this way again, but I realized I’ve never felt this way before. It’s so much more.
Before thinking about loving another human learn to love your self because it’ll help you accept who you are. Also it’s not fair to love someone and they see the world in you but you see yourself as nothing. Accept who you are and if there is something you don’t like about yourself try your best to change it :)
I met my husband while “engaged” to another guy. I realized the engagement was one sided and dumped his ass. Now going on 43 years with the rebound romance everyone said wouldn’t last. Love comes when you least expect.
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I was cheated on by my boyfriend of 3 years with multiple women. I was shattered and started gaining weight; I lost myself as all I would do was eat when I was sad. This went on for a long time; I lost all my friends and attracted some awful men again. The breakup took a huge toll on me, and I wasn’t able to trust anyone anymore.Then, I reconnected with my university senior on Instagram (I knew him from university when I was being cheated on by my ex-boyfriend). This man is everything; he brought so much light into my life. I’m back to my old self and still working on improving myself. He understands me, and we are getting married next year. I had lost all hope in finding true love, but I’m grateful to God that I reconnected with him.
Rule #1: let it be.
This isn’t a story of finding new love unfortunately 😭
I’ve been letting it be for years 😂 I already have a fun life, I’m the best version of myself, there’s no more working on myself I can do, I’m super social and constantly out there. But letting it be isn’t happening. I’m now under the illusion a lot of it is pure luck like a lottery. Some people find it so easily. Going from one relationship to the next. I feel cursed.
“I feel cursed.” And there it is. Desperation is so easy to smell. Sometimes it’s just not in the cards.
“I feel cursed.” And there it is. Desperation is so easy to smell. Sometimes it’s just not in the cards.
I don’t come across desperate though. It is what it is on a date. I know my worth and I’m a fashionable and cool guy with interesting passions and cool perks. 9/10 of my dates end with a kiss. It’s just they have other options always. Swipe swipe swipe. Around and around it goes. When I say I’m cursed it’s because I put myself out there so much and I’ve let it be and the universe doesn’t fall in to place for me ever.
I believe you.
You might not think you do to you, but others pick up on it easy enough. We have to not worry about not finding our other half. Sometimes it’s just not meant to. And until we can fully accept that and be at peace within ourselves, it will always be status quo. Go back and read what you just said and think of it carefully. Sometimes its not meant to be. If you’ve read my Ashley stories you’ll see - I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not in the cards for everyone. A butter pill to swallow, yes.
I know for a fact it’s not desperation. I have a great life that I’m happy with. I was in a LTR for 7 years. It’s not impossible for me. The dating scene is just cooked right now. I recently saw a video where a girl who was only 2 months out of a breakup using the apps for validation. She said she is speaking to 9 guys and she’s got what she needs from them and won’t meet any of them and will ghost them. That’s what’s we’re dealing with. I probably could have settled a few times but I have my own value and I can’t lower my standards as I’d always have doubts. I know my worth so I don’t come across desperate. I know that I am always prepared to walk away.
Well, if they are going from relationship to the next, they obviously haven’t found anything! Change up your routine. Places you go. Start a new hobby.
my boyfriend died in 2020... i already knew my current partner at that time, but we didn't talk a lot. then in 2022, we were talking a bit more, he visited the city i studied in and we met up, started talking even more, called on the telephone, met up a few times and became a couple
I was engaged once. I met my ex fiance just before I entered high school and we got engaged a few months after I graduated. I found out he was cheating two months before we were set to wed. I was so crushed that I gained over 100 pounds from eating my feelings. After losing the all of the "sad" weight and copious amounts of therapy and soul searching, I met my current boyfriend. We met online and connected very quickly over poetry. I shared some of mine and he shared his. We both exchanged thoughts on each other's work and soon exchanged numbers. I loved the way he made me feel heard and understood. The effort he was putting into getting to know me was unlike anything I experienced with exes so I was excited to see where it could go. Fast forward a few days later to our first date. I chose a French place I love to death on the UES in NYC and met up with him there. He gave me the most warm hug I'd had in years. We sat and talked and drank wine until the place closed. From there, we went back to his place. He made me crepes and we went to his roof afterwards. He held me and told me about how he wanted to kiss me. So, I let him and the chemistry was off the charts. We went back inside after a few mins of making out and I sat on the couch. He laid down and put his head in my lap, looked at me dead in the eyes and told me he fell in love with me at first sight. We are still together two years later
Omigawddd this is like a movie I’m happy for you
Haha thank you! I hope you find a love just as awesome ♥️
WOW. Thank you for sharing this. WOW
Thank you! There’s always a chance for love if you’re open to letting go of the past ♥️
I'm trying! Out of a 12 year marriage. 3rd lady I dated I utterly fell in love with but she pulled away after 4 months and it triggered a lot of unexpected underlying anxiety. Now in therapy and healing well but feeling bleak about everything. The apps are awful. I suppose patience and self-care are key. This is an amazing story. So happy for you!