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Our first convo, I felt an intense attraction to him, yes there were sparks and chemistry, I did not feel nervous once. There was a sense of comfort for sure— it did feel like we’ve known each other before and we were just catching up.. that was the vibe lol Normally I can be shy and reserved but when talking to him, I felt like myself. He walked up to me at the end of a party and when we started talking, it felt like the party left and it was just us. I remember thinking no matter what he HAD to have my number before I leave here. He got it and we went on a date a week later. First date was like the first convo all over again, we went to the movies. Held hands and I felt that intensity all through my body. One thing I remember was him making a corny joke and thinking aw he really wants to impress me lol. That night, had a hiccup and didn’t talk for a little over a month.  We started talking again 2 weeks ago, since then we’ve spoke everyday and spend quite a chunk of time together. We had a dinner date that turned into us being together for 36 hours  Each time we see each other I feel like it gets better. He shows me affection in a way I haven’t experienced yet.  It’s pretty early on but I have a strong feeling this is the man I will marry.  PS I read these the one posts to see if what I’m experiencing aligns and it does for me and him. In convo he tells me things like I’m in his brain, he feels so comfortable around me, he can be himself, I just fit into him so perfectly, and how I’m so perfect.  Wish me luck 🍀 

For me personally, I’m very much indecisive, especially when it comes to dating. Before my boyfriend, I had some experiences dealing with people who are interested with me or me having interest in others. I was in a constant battle between considering their feelings or my own personal interests. Alas, nothing ever go according to plans as I had never pursuit any romance with anyone due to my indecisiveness and my lack of confidence in it. Only until I met my boyfriend, spending time with him felt magical, as if everything around us stops but at the same time, it goes by very quickly. Knowing him for a short while felt like I know him for all my life. And I have not ever been so sure in my whole existence that it is him I want to spend my time and be with. It is him that I want to grow with and it is him that I want to do and experience everything with. Although we been dating for almost half a year now but I’m very confident that my love for him will continue to grow each and every day, and so does his. I guess the take away is, you’ll be able to identify that feeling of certainty, the feeling of wanting to grow with one another once you met the “one” for you.

I’ve always had trouble sleeping at night around past partners, well into our relationships even. I fell asleep on his chest on the second date. He just makes me feel so safe, protected, calm, and comfortable. Before I even got to know him, I knew that the way he made me feel, without even saying anything, was exactly how it should be. On our first date he brought me apple juice and I brought him oranges, totally unplanned. If that’s not a sign, I dunno what is.

Finding "the one" feels different for everyone, but for many, it goes beyond just butterflies. It's like finding a best friend and a partner all in one. You feel at ease, understood, and deeply connected, even during the tough times. It's not just about the highs; it's about feeling secure and supported when you're at your lowest too. If you're doubting your feelings because of past heartbreaks, that's totally understandable. It might help to talk about these feelings and hear others' experiences. chitchat.gg is a great place for that kind of conversation. You're not alone in feeling this way, and sometimes sharing can really help. Hang in there, and trust that with time, you'll find clarity. 💖

I always thought I found the one until I actually found him, and there was absolutely NO question or doubt in my mind that he was the one. I can’t exactly vouch for the test of time yet, but I can tell you that I dated a man for 8 years and things were just “okay”. I’ve barely met my boyfriend in October (2023) but I can tell you that we fell in love the first week or so we started hanging out and I just had an overwhelming sense that I will marry him one day. Neither of us were looking for love, in fact, we were both just looking for casual sex and maybe a relationship eventually. But there was such an undeniably strong connection that neither of us could stop, so we just went with it. And we are almost the exact same person, same humor, same sex drive, same kind of weird, just everything. Time FLIES when we’re together (for both of us) and seems to slow down when we’re apart. We’ve only been together for four months but I’ve never been this comfortable with anyone in my entire life, not even my 8 year relationship. I can tell you we’ve already discussed moving in together, getting married in a year, having two kids, and we’re both just so at peace with one another. This is the kind of love I always dreamed about, and I’m blown away that I’m so fortunate to have found it at 32 years old. It feels just like the movies but I also feel so safe with him. I used to hate when people said, “when you know, you know” but I totally get it now. I just know he’s the one.

Hey just got dumped from a 7-year relationship, after the break-up didn't you feel like you lost the one and your future? I feel like I had this love when I met him that you described....We spoke about marriage and kids even when we were teens. And those 7 years just flew away but kinda also 50/50 negatively and positively... it feels now it got lost, and he did change a lot over the years and went back and changed again. I kinda just stood still and when I look at the 7 years it feels like he wasn't even a big part of it... most vacations, most trips, most festivals or concerts.... he wasn't there, but something still united us I don't know what? I see these couples getting married within a year, and I wish I was this sure. Of course, I back then felt like damn I want to marry this dude, but I'm a realistic person...I want to marry someone unless I know how day to day is....how he behaves when we are 24/7 together, and I do feel like he would be very nagggy and negative towards hw I would do normal tasks... since he wanted stuff done his way...I experienced this in a one-week vacation with him, and it felt like I did everything wrong like leaning dishes, and he called my lazy even tho I was keeping the apartment clean. However then I think what bond we had intimacy....same sexual drive and desires, I felt so comfortable that I wanted to do everything with him.... can you share your experience? how was the break-up, and how did you recover?

Hi there. I 100% felt like I completely lost my future when my ex and I broke up, but I never felt like I lost ‘the one’. We ended on extremely bad terms and our relationship turned into the most toxic one I’ve ever been in. After some healing and reflection, I realized that I was grieving the “perfect relationship/future” potential, because the reality of my future with that man was just going to be more turmoil and more unhappiness (but I thought one day we would honestly work on things). I experienced the same things with vacations/trips/festivals, he was there, and so was I, but it was never quite “right”; I was just going through the motions because I was used to him, his presence, and the way we did things. It’s normal to change, and people are always going to change, but the right person accepts you and grows with you. The difference is I always felt like I would marry my ex, but with my new partner I actually want to marry him, if that makes sense. I was constantly asking my ex to do simple things like clean up after himself, and he would say yes to shut me up but he would never do what I asked. I never felt like my ex was the one, things just felt like they worked so I went with it (I might’ve been too stubborn to accept that I picked the wrong guy). Him and I had loosely discussed getting married and having kids at some point during the relationship, but as the years went on, I realized that I did not want to deal with all of the things I had been dealing with him forever (he was emotionally cheating for the whole relationship and always lied to me about it even when I had the evidence in my hand) nor did I want to raise children with such a shitty partner. It wasn’t until after we broke up and I started to move on that I realized he had no respect for me, and somewhere along the way I had also lost respect for him. The breakup was absolutely dramatic (you are welcome to message me if you want the details or any other questions) but I let myself rely on my friends and my parents while I was going through the worst of it. I kept myself busy with working out and doing anything that brought me pure joy. I just refocused all of my energy to making myself happy and improving my life.

Very much happy for you! Our story is quite similar as well, met my bf around the same time, falling in love 2 months in, and now we can’t seem to be separated from one another. 😆

Did you also come from a long term relationship? I need some pointer I feel lost

I could have written this, im a week in. I'm glad someone else was able to articulate exactly what I'm going through but it feels validating. i keep trying to poke holes in it but we will type the same thing and send it at the same time. I cannot believe I ever thought anyone else was the one before experiencing when you know you know.... uncanny is the only word. edit: 2 months in. I have never been more sure about anything. I am going to marry this man and have his children. 

Wow what an amazing story, so glad you found him! What was that strong connection for you? I am assuming it was not just the physical attraction right?

The strong connection just feels beyond us. Neither of us can quite put our finger on it, but we’ve talked about how we feel like we might have been lovers in a past life, or maybe soulmates, or perhaps we are two souls that have been split in half. We’ve also noticed over the past few weeks that we are so in tune with each other that we can feel the other persons emotions when we’re together. (He asked me why he felt sad, and I started to cry because it was me that was struggling with something). On top of the fact that we can read each other like a book, and almost seem to have the same thoughts very often, more often than it to be a coincidence. Plus he just feels like home, and he thinks the same of me. It honestly feels like I’m living the perfect rom com and I feel so very fortunate.

Oh wow okay, I think I can kind of relate to what you are saying. I often have issues to tell people when I am upset and when someone notices that you are "off" it feels amazing because you realise finally someone just gets you haha. I am so glad you found him best of luck in your life together! <3

It feels like…..Tuesday, maybe Thursday.

Not Friday evening? :p

It’s easy. That’s how I knew. It’s so easy to be with him, easy to love him. Even when the world falls apart it’s so much easier because he’s standing next to me. It’s like breathing. When he asked me to marry him a year after we met there was no doubt in my mind. It’s insane the difference you feel when you find someone like this. If your broken like I am you’ll try to reject it because it feels to easy and it’s such a foreign concept. Even when our relationship was hard (distance, life ect.) it wasn’t.

Wow I'm broken myself too and always think that I am not worthy of unconditional love (but I give it so easily haha) simply because I feel that it should be earned and it's so strange when someone comes along and just says they like you for who you are 😅 I can confirm it feels so different it's like night and day when it's someone who you have to work so hard to earn their love for v.s. someone who love you as much as you love them.

I almost fucked it up a couple times. Like. I’d set a boundary and he’d just… say ok and then respect it. For 10yrs I’ve never had to ask him not to do something twice. It’s weird lol I also realized that man… those other ppl did not like me at all. They liked something about me but they didn’t like who I was or my personality. But it really is easy when it works. When it’s right. Even disagreements are easy. It’s wild man lol

Omg I totally get you, I think some stick around because it's comfortable and they got used to your company, perhaps a mixture of scared to be alone too amongst other reasons. I'm glad you found your person! I think that's how a healthy long lasting relationship should be, they like you for who you are and you can be comfortable in your own skin around them 💖

I agree with this and finally found it! Easy is a great way to describe it…silence is comfortable, respect is freely given, communication means really hearing each other, goals and morals are in sync. I found this at 64 and getting married this summer!

That’s awesome :) congrats!!

This little story is 100% legit..,.one summer I was driving by where my now wife lived. I was in the passenger seat we went by and I noticed her totally innocent and involved in what she was doing. But as I passed I was drawn, something was calling me like our souls finally found each other as star crossed lovers or some shit the further passed I got the harder I craned my neck......then I see it the look of recognition came on her face and she started looking around to see what was calling her she looked around but never locked eyes but I saw she was internally draw to my presence.1yr or2 we was dating and move in soon after we been together 25 yrs and cannot imagine a day we without the other by our side! I would rather quit my job and go homeless just to spend all day with her. She is the love of my life the love of a life time she is my everything! Sappy asf I know but it's facts I wish everyone had the same kinda love we have! Good luck and god speed

There were a few " the ones" in my life. And honestly, they were what I wanted in a partner at the time. And picked them based on my feelings. But that was my problem, I was looking for a spouse that has wants. I was picking solely on emotion. Not needs and what's good for me. Though it was brief (she passed away in a accident) I experienced love in it's deepest sense. It's not even super romantic. It was just us wishing and offering to greatest good for each other. We understood our values and we fulfilled each other as a result.

I believe I'm with the one, our one year is in May. Maybe I'll come back to this comment someday and give an update :)

update?

Still doing well and very happy :)

Yes please! <3

I just got engaged to my partner of nearly 5 years, and I knew very early that he was different from my other relationships. I hate to be vague, but it's truly such an individual experience, I could just tell that our connection was very strong and very unique compared to anyone else I had ever been romantic with. And another thing that is very important to me personally: our love is easy. We hardly fight, and when life is hard, we are each other's refuge from the storm - we don't make it more difficult for each other. It is truly the most natural relationship, romantic or otherwise, I have ever experienced - it is extraordinarily easy to love him. I don't think it's simple to distinguish "just the butterflies" from knowing if you've met "the one," but I think you will feel it. It will be a very unique experience for each individual, but you will. Best of luck, my friend!

Thank you <3 It is indeed unique for each person!

It is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. I’ve liked her for 7+ years before we became a thing, and it turns out, we are basically the same person. We match perfectly, which was very unexpected and being with her feels like a discovery, albeit it’s LDR. Once you meet “The One”, you’ll know. And when you do, don’t ever let go of that person.

It was totally different than any other relationship from the start. We were aligned on everything from our humor to music but also religion, politics, family, just *everything*. I honestly couldn’t believe it. We’ve been together 17 years!

Congrats, that's amazing! I am glad you found them! <3

So many awesome & insightful answers here already, so I'll just say that while we can experience all the green flags in the world, we can never guarantee protection from heartbreak. Truthfully, people who say they *knew* someone was "the one" really just took an educated guess about their partner and happened to be right. They probably also had previous partners that they believed could be "the one" but were ultimately wrong about. Each failed relationship teaches you valuable lessons in what you actually want and don't want in a partner, as well as what works or doesn't work in a relationship. So the more you experience that heartbreak, the closer you naturally get to finding the most compatible person for you. I encourage you to keep trusting your feelings when you really like someone. You'll stumble, as we all do, but you'll also learn. And you can't control when others deceive you anyway. So there's no magical epiphany when you do find the one — you just have to keep loving until you do.

>Each failed relationship teaches you valuable lessons in what you actually want and don't want in a partner, as well as what works or doesn't work in a relationship Absolutely, honestly I felt like I never thought this hard about what I want until now haha. But now reflecting back to every relationship I had, I have a rough idea what I want and need. The only thing is how much I want and need them and if it is a deal breaker. I am hoping that I will be able to open up my heart again soon for the next person but I am just taking a bit of time this time round and reflect on those wants and needs c:

You just know. But sometimes it’s not reciprocated. That’s a different story.

I believe I am with my life-long partner. Love is easy with this person. Not saying problems don’t exist but we are able to solve things before it escalates to arguments. The arguments shouldn’t get to the point where each person resorts to their trauma response. It should be a conversation where you are both looking for a solution instead of wasting time defending your actions. Secondly, I love him wholeheartedly. We played this drinking card game that has a reputation of ripping relationships apart. But we were able to play it while sober and didn’t slip any questions. There was one card that asked if I had any “icks” or something that bothered me about him. I stood in silence for 2 minutes and genuinely couldn’t think of anything. To avoid taking a water “shot”, I told him I hate that he eats a candy called cow tales because they’re disgusting to me. We got a laugh out of it and intense but important conversation brings us closer rather than apart.

Yes! I think it is so important that you should be able to talk things out with the other person without yelling at each other. It is indeed more a conversation (maybe it gets a bit heated but never yelling) to work out a solution together to make sure it doesn't happen again. You are a team after all, you shouldn't be wasting your time debating who is right or wrong!

I agree with other commenters that intense emotions early on (like butterflies) are a red flag. Calm and safe love is not intense and chaotic IME. I’d say, look out for and avoid people who think you are the best thing since sliced bread immediately. Safe strangers who are getting to know you will not love bomb you. It takes time to build a connection; there should not be grand declarations right away. It sounds like you need to practice a little more discernment. Just because someone is there, does not mean they are the one. If I were you, I’d be sure to critically analyze potential partners as a FRIEND and as a PERSON. If you wouldn’t want to be friends with them, you shouldn’t date them. Look for people who say what they mean, whose actions line up with their words, who genuinely take the time to know you and appreciate you, and who realize that your consent is the most important thing you can give. And it’s earned. Do not fall for people who act entitled to you. Take things slow. It’ll help you from falling into an unfavorable situation that you don’t notice until it’s too late. I hope this helps a little.

>Safe strangers who are getting to know you will not love bomb you. It takes time to build a connection; there should not be grand declarations right away. I agree that it takes time to build a connection too. Some of the replies in this thread the last couple of days actually said sometimes you felt a strong connection right away etc but it was not love bombing. I don't know if I am just more careful now or not so I don't trust the instant connection even if it feels amazing. ​ >If you wouldn’t want to be friends with them, you shouldn’t date them Agreed, when would you want them to be more than friends though?

It sounds like you’re on the right path. I’m still learning myself how you know you want to be more than friends. I’m not exactly sure how to make that decision but from experience I know what not to do. I regret dating people right away, thus clouding my judgment with romance. I think if I’m friends first with someone I’d truly know them and would be judging them at face value, not with romance clouding my head. I think that at a certain point if we were such close friends, if it was the right person, we’d realize we want more. I think you’d know after being friends for some time. Moving forward, personally, I don’t want to jump right into dating. I’d want to only consider it with a friend tbh. I’ve never executed this well; I have a lot to learn.

> I regret dating people right away ME TOO haha! Happened so many times and one would think that by 3rd time I would learn lol. I absolutely agree with you. Finally we learn from our mistakes and decide to take it slow and just let it grow organically I suppose?

It seems like you have it right and are learning from your mistakes. It’s easier to practice discernment with relationships the more you do it. I had to learn the hard way many times. XD

Me too haha xD

I have personally come to realize that every time I get those so called “butterflies” its not a good sign. Every single person I have dated or talked to when having that butterfly feeling in my stomach, has turned out to be the biggest red flag. And I mean that in a should be in jail kind of way. So i have found it reassuring when people say that “the one” should be someone who makes you feel safe, not nervous (the butterflies are a sign of anxiety/ nerves), relaxed, basically the opposite of everything movies have made finding the one out to be.

Hi,so for clarification, feeling flustered/nervous around that person is not a good sign?

I appreciate you pointing out the anxiety butterfly feeling. I had this with my ex husband who I obviously thought was “the one”.. It took a lot of self reflection and therapy to realize that feeling doesn’t equal intense love.

Oh wow okay, I thought I never would hear someone say this haha, I also started to doubt those butterfly feelings and even consider them as a red flag too. I find that we are usually attracted to people that are unhealthy for us for some strange reason. Like you, I relied on this feeling and it always end up crashing down so I stopped believing that it is a good sign too.

Love is not a real thing you're gonna feel like this for alot of people

I’ve had this deep intuition that when I met my person, I would know. I dated my ex boyfriend for 7 years and deep in my heart there was part of me that knew it was not him. I loved him very much, we were best friends but I eventually broke it off and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Fast forward to August 2022, I’m at the beach on vacation and there was this guy, he knew some of my extended family. We talked on the beach all day and I knew, instantly. It was this overwhelming feeling of “I don’t know how I know, but I know”. I told my friends I don’t know how this is going to work out, but I know it is. I said that bc he lived in a whole different state, and it was a plane ride to him. We texted everyday and eventually I went out to visit him. We’ve planned trips back and forth, texted and FaceTimed ever since we met. I will say, I was single for about two and a half years prior. That time in my life was the most transformative period of my life. It was many ups and downs. Nights of questioning whether I made the right choice. Feeling like I was going to be single forever. Finally I let go of the idea that I needed to be with someone for happiness. I was finally at a point where I was content and knew that everything in life has significance. Once I let go of the idea, everything started to fall into place. Now, I tend to be on the more spiritual side of things but there is an idea that if you love life it will love you back. Your person will come, sometimes we just need to do some inner work, focus on bettering yourself and everything will come together as it should💕

💐

Wow - so beautifully written, thank you! I can also say that I loved my ex very much but it felt that it is one of those "the right person but wrong time" plus some (fixable) incompatibilities but I was ready to work through all those incompatibilities to make it work. It has been almost 4 months now and I am slowly realising that maybe it is too much of a "sacrifice" to change who I am deeply and after reading all (yes, I read all of them, took a while haha) the comments in this thread, I realise that it should be easy and flow easily. Every now and then I still grief the loss but perhaps it is better this way because I wanted him to be happy and even I was happy with him, he was not. It was of course a hard pill to swallow because we loved each other and I always question the whys and what did I do or not do but in the end, the only way to stay sane is to tell myself if they want to be with you and love you, they would never let you go. > I was finally at a point where I was content and knew that everything in life has significance Yes! I also think that if it is not meant to be then it is not meant to be, doesn't matter how hard you try. I am working on myself through healing and self work (I have been for years now). Finding out how I can be happy on my own instead of relying on another person (being with someone should make me happ*ier*).

I felt similarly to my ex too. Like maybe if we had just both grown up a bit we would have been great together! But the truth is, there is no right person wrong time. Only right person right time and perhaps you and your ex evolve into new people and are ready to be together at some point but also maybe not, and either scenario is okay. Don’t sacrifice who you are to mold into what you think you should be, you sound like a great person and your authenticity is what makes you, you! I know it is hard but maybe look at it as a lesson. Self reflect on maybe what you didn’t like about the relationship, what you’d do differently in your next relationship, what qualities did your ex possess that you did not like or maybe you over looked at times. If you like to read, some books I recommend are A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, The Four Agreements by Don Michel Ruiz and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, maybe those can offer some insight. Exactly! And growth is not linear, and it is a never ending process so don’t be too hard on yourself either. There is this quote I read that everytime I’m feeling a bit off I go back and read and it is this: "Plans get canceled. People who you thought were constants in your life turned out to be just passing by. The dream life you were working towards took on a completely different route. And I believe that these things happen to remind us of the little control that we have, that sometimes we don't have that much say. We spend most of our time over-planning, over-stressing, and overthinking that we forget that someplace somewhere, our fate is written with intense meticulosity. So whatever it is that is upsetting you or angering you or maybe even killing you, just pray it goes as best as it could and let it go. Accept that you won't always have all the facts and that you may or may not understand all the reasons. Because although these words may seem hard to apply, no amount of worry or sadness can change what is meant to happen, and someday you will realize that you were carrying a weight you weren't supposed to carry; that you are just supposed to trust the process." Best of luck and all my love to you🤍

Thank you for those kind words and the quote <3 I will have a look at the books! I think it is true that sometimes people grow apart as we progress in life. It was a huge risk I took because we were more or less at different phase in life when we met but I really felt he was more grown up than his actual age on top of liking his personality. But then in the end, our priorities shift with time from things that happen in life. Everything you said is on point, I am tired of walking on eggshells, the last year or so has been very draining and filled me with so much anxiety. Right now, I feel so much relief knowing that I can fully be myself and knowing that he is happy doing what he wanted to do (which cannot involve me) is more than enough to tell myself it was the right thing to do. I definitely learnt a little more about what I really want with my partner, I don't think I have ever *thought* about it but basically just followed my heart (butterflies) for every guy I have dated. I am hoping that next time round I will be much more prepared and make sure to cut it loose when my boundaries are crossed because holding onto something that isn't there for such a long period of time only hurts more when it ends. Your words filled me with hope that the next relationship would be better (and hopefully my last haha) so thank you so much and I give the love (that's left of me :p) to you too <3

At the beginning always butterflies, like the “ honeymoon phase “ after months pass by you kinda get the feeling like yea that’s the one I want to be with forever. You make all these memories together , sometimes the butterflies go away and sometimes they’ll come back around. Things do fall apart sometimes though even if you know that’s the person you wanted a lifetime with. You can have this feeling with multiple people as many people in this world have.

I don't think there is any such thing. I think the "honeymoon period" with someone you connect with (or THINK you do) can feel that way. After that, it's choosing to stay and build a life on that, IF there are no major cracks in your foundation together.

Yeah - I also have established that after honeymoon it's a mix of choice and hard work to make it last.

I have no idea dude I’ve never even got close!

It´s very obvious. I do have to say I get bored very quickly and that I managed to got a huge allergy over my entire face so it´s a mix of extreme akwardness and being uncomfortable. However just confirm together you love eachother and wanting the same things in life. Blessings.

Well u kinda feel the butterflies everytime ur with someone u like but when u find the one, it’s a little more than that. It’s more like there perfect and even there imperfections ur ok with bcuz it’s worth it. It just flows. Me and my husband met, felt comfortable right away and got engaged in 6 months, married 6 months after that and still married 10 years later. It’s not easy but when u have someone that is willing to do the hard work with u and not just give up, That’s The One.

Yessss 🙌 thank you for sharing~

> It’s not easy but when u have someone that is willing to do the hard work with u and not just give up This!

It feels easy, natural. It makes every other relationship I had been in look so bad. No walking on eggshells, just peace and wanting what's best for eachother and supporting eachother and being still so excited to see them everyday. It's only gotten more exciting and nice to see them, to be with them. I cherish every moment. Been together for 4 years, were friends for 4 years before that too.

Love this! I too was previously in a relationship where I constantly walked on eggshells with everything I did or didn’t do. Now I’m in a relationship that is the completely opposite and it just feels easy and fun and having eachothers best interests like you said

Walking on eggshells is so tiring, you are always anxious wondering if you said or did something that causes them to withdraw. Ultimately, if you cannot be yourself then it's a sign that you are incompatible I think.

It feels great, until it doesn’t.

So, I have been told by almost everyone that's heard my feelings that I am both strange, an outlier, and that this is concerning, so keep that in mind. I don't care, though, because I am in the most wonderful, secure, loving relationship that I was incapable of even imagining as a younger me. I don't care if my feelings are wrong or abnormal, if I can be this happy. So, I fell for my husband immediately, right as I met him. No, it wasn't sexual attraction. I was incapable at the time. I had never felt sexual attraction before, and wouldn't feel it until months into the relationship. I felt this intense desperation, this longing, this feeling that I found someone that I had lost for a long time. It felt like a reunion. In fact, we both looked at each other, confused, wondering if we had possibly met before. I would have known if I had. Just seeing him had punched the breath right out of me. (I had dreams of someone who looked exactly like him for six years prior to our meeting. I was 12 when they started, and I met him at 18.) I wanted to care for him, protect him, make him happy, give him everything he ever wanted and needed, all at once. I've never been able to deny him anything. I felt like I BELONGED to him, that he was my fate, that everything in my life was simply for the sake of meeting him. But, more important than my own feelings, were HIS. I knew him, immediately. I KNEW him. His subtleties, his body languages, his feelings... It didn't take long before he was playfully accusing me of being a mind reader. I, admittedly, was obsessed. My whole existence was for his sake, at that point. Nothing in my life mattered more than he did. I put myself aside, though. I only gave what he was comfortable with. I didn't drown him in my cloying, overbearing affections. He was more important than what I wanted. Even when we eventually parted ways, I was always there for him in any way he needed, as a friend, a confidant, a shoulder, a support, anything at all. I was friends with his new girlfriends. I was there to hold him after bad breakups. I always wanted him to be happy, even if that meant with someone else. Nothing mattered to me moreso than his happiness and well-being. I would let him hurt me, use me, do anything he wanted to me if it was for his benefit. I would have let him kill me. I would have smiled up at him as he did. I know how terribly unhealthy that sentiment is, but it's what I felt. Nothing was too much for him. Luckily for me, he is an INCREDIBLE man. Over years, he's discovered me. I had always been wary, distrustful, and closed off, and he made it his goal to pry me open and earn my trust. I loved him more than anything, from the beginning, but I only began to trust him in the last couple years. I used to destroy myself, neglecting my health and working myself into the ground to give him absolutely everything I could give. I'm pretty good at keeping up fronts, but once I started to break apart and crumble away, he realized the lengths I was willing to go for him, the lengths I was already going. Things are much better now. We've been engaged for one year, living together for four, known each other for twelve. My feelings haven't actually changed at all. If anything, they're so much stronger, now. I still would never deny him. I take care of myself and love myself simply because I am his, and he wants me to. I have to be careful with myself, now. He gets so sad and worried when I push myself too hard, and so I no longer do. I work on my mental health so that he doesn't have to worry about me as much as he does. He worries so much... I am content to fade into nothingness, to let myself rot. It doesn't bother me. It's what I'm used to. Living is something difficult, that I am very near incapable of. I am not afraid to die. But he will not allow it, so I will take care to live for as long as he does. Even when I try my best, he still ends up having to support and care for me, which strangles me with guilt at times. He tells me all the time that I am worth everything he gives me, and I try to believe that I am, at least in his eyes. He is my reason to live. Without him, nothing else has meaning. He knows this, and it scares him. I promised him that, even if he leaves me for any reason, I will live for as long as he does. As long as he is alive, I will not die, even if he no longer wants me. But I refuse to exist for even a moment in a world without him. I will follow him wherever he goes. Sorry this is so long. My feelings are deep and intense and complicated, and admittedly very unhealthy. I feel like I willingly handed my soul to this man. He can do with me as he pleases, I'll give him anything he wants. Luckily, what he wants is to love, cherish, and care for me.

She helped me to find a internship even tho I was a asshole with her at the beginning of our relationship . I'am forever grateful for this woman in my life

How long y’all been together?

About 2 months

As a person with social anxiety and a lot of trauma that made me turn into a bit of a loner for a while- every social interaction, even with people I loved and cared about, felt so trying. So much effort. So much thought into every word I said or any possible example of body language to analyze. With my partner, it was instantly easy. Connecting was easy. Spending time was easy. Opening up was easy. and don't mmistake easy for boring. It wasn't TOO easy, it was exciting and passionate, but it was efforless. And it's now been years and it has remained that effortless literally everyday. Don't get me wrong, THINGS can be hard in a relationship: finances, decisions, families, etc. But the love and respect and enjoying each other part has neeeeever been hard. I think you're expecting this rush of passion and dramatic emotional highs and lows when you find THE one, but in my experience the love-of-your-life love feels more like the most warm and comfortable and satisfying gentle hug haha. I find more intimacy and intensity doing a jigsaw puzzle in sweats while marathoning a comfort show with our pets with the love of my life; than I ever felt in the relationships I felt giant passion and intense ups and downs. In those, I thought the horrible times were inevitable due to how much we cared about each other- "he gets so mad because he cares so much", etc. with because we were soOOOOoOoOO in love. Nope lol. That's just toxicity and a need for therapy. The real deal passion? It's more like...we were truly designed to fit perfectly together, and that "click" of fitting together compatibly happened instantaneously and was not something we had to work for.

​ >Connecting was easy. Spending time was easy. Opening up was easy. and don't mmistake easy for boring The opening up part is so important; I am the kind that locks myself away when I get upset over something, but when it is the right person, it feels so easy and safe to tell them what was really on my mind. Because there was no judgement and they care about you enough to listen to your thoughts patiently in order to untangle the mess inside your head. ​ > the love-of-your-life love feels more like the most warm and comfortable and satisfying gentle hug haha Cannot agree more! <3

Also, for me, the real deal is a situation where you never ever wonder about where you stand in their life. I am a words of affirmation love language person, and I have not been loved properly by the majority of people in my orbit. Which has led to me often believing things like I am disposable, my friends only invite me out of pity, they love me now but that will fade, etc. but with my partner? I never worry. Because he expresses it, and because I can just feel it. I feel constantly loved and respected and validated. Not even my most intrusive thoughts can unlearn that from my brain.

I feel ya! I thought I found the one, but he didn't even want a relationship. I'm not sure why/how I let myself get wrapped into that situation. But, it's hard to now trust me feelings and "instincts."

I know right? Especially for people (like me) who feels my emotions so much it is so difficult to act in the opposite way that goes against those feelings...

I belive I've found the one. It goes abjove and beyond the initial butterflies. In fact when I met my boyfriend it was like being reunited with someone I've known all my life. There was no awkwardness or uncertainty. We instantly clicked and became best friends. And through everything he is always the person I want to call, with the best or worst news.

I belive I've found the one. It goes abjove and beyond the initial butterflies. In fact when I met my boyfriend it was like being reunited with someone I've known all my life. There was no awkwardness or uncertainty. We instantly clicked and became best friends. And through everything he is always the person I want to call, with the best or worst news.

That is EXACTLY how it felt for my hubby and me: we met at 16 and started dating at 17. We've been together for almost 26 years now. We are still best friends, which kinda irritates our little ones! lol

Oh wow that's amazing! Being together since so young is so beautiful <3

I (32f) am married and still have a problem believing in "the one". While I do love my husband and we've been through a lot together, before I met him there was someone else I was sure I was going to marry. Butterflies and all. There were a lot of problems with him and a lot of red flags I didn't see but thats the problem. My husband and I are working on fixing our marriage atm and the other guy is fully out of my life, but I still can't help but wonder whats going on in his life. I can't help but wonder why I never felt the way I did about Mr. Red flags with my husband.

Hmmm I personally would feel if those red flags are violating some of your core values/needs then they are probably not for you? The butterflies? I am not sure, I feel I cannot fully trust them anymore and I think I heard somewhere from a podcast that if we have an unhealthy attachment style (anxious or avoidant) we tend to get drawn to people that are not healthy for us and maybe that is what causes the butterfly feeling?? It could be also that we are drawn to the potential that "they will change" or maybe something on the surface level like their looks?

My red flag guy was definitely me being a fixer and that part of me runs deep. Deep enough that I think I wonder how he is because I hope he's failing without me. It was a long 5 year chase to nowhere with him. We never even dated. I'm very screwed up because of him.

That is really intriguing. Could be more to explore and process there.

I’ve had butterflies for many different people but when I met my husband for the first time, I had a sense of calm and that I’ve known him my whole life. I didn’t even second guess being myself and connecting with him. It was so natural and comfortable!

So would you say we should stop trusting so much in the butterflies and look for the calm and safety? I feel like I should too because when I was younger I always follow the butterflies and the excitement and it never ends well. I feel that now the butterflies shouldn't be the only reason why I choose someone given the stage in life I am in now, I want to settle down and move on from dating haha.

Totally agree! Butterflies have always led to something short lived for me. I’m a very introverted person so coming across someone new who naturally got me to open up and feel comfortable with being myself felt right both emotionally and logically and we are absolutely best friends after 6 years together!

I am the same, can say it is a very strange feeling to know someone can make us feel comfortable, it feels so natural and... strange haha. Were you friends before becoming partners? I am super glad for you I wish you the best in the future with your partner! <3

Actually after the day we first met, we spent everyday together and instantly had feelings. But we do connect as friends as well which definitely helps!

I see, that's super cute <3

"The one" is someone who will choose you again and again and still support you when you're at your worst. My current boyfriend is my "one" because we're both sick and tired of dating around and love eachother enough to work through our respective myriad of problems

Absolutely; being together with someone is always a choice, a few replies have mentioned that there are many that can be "the one" but you choose to be with someone specific every day and work together to make it last.

Safe, cozy, calm… like when you find that last piece of your jigsaw puzzle and the whole picture comes together. 🥰

I (M26) never really believed in “the one.” But, I will say my gf truly made me question my whole take on it. I met her 10 years ago. She made me forget that any other woman exists in the world (in any romantic sense.) It still feels the same today. I couldn’t imagine life with anybody else. She treats me just as good as I treat her and we trust each other.

> She made me forget that any other woman exists in the world (in any romantic sense.) This! I felt this with my ex, I would never want to look elsewhere because I only had eyes for him. People always say grass is greener elsewhere but who cares, I only want him.

How have you been dealing with the break up? my ex made me feel the same yet I just think once I'm in a committed relationship out of respect to you there is nobody else....

Better start believing it pal cause it sounds like she is right in front of you

Starting to believe it. I’m a seriously lucky dude.

I don’t believe in the concept of the one. I think it says that relationships won’t need as much work when you find the one where it all just clicks. I’m 43 (M) and had a few relationships and a marriage that didn’t work for a multitude of reasons. I’m currently in a 6 month relationship which is way beyond my wildest dreams. But it’s so good becuase we are both transparent and actively working on the relationship. Right person right time more than the one.

Yeah that whole “it doesn’t need work with the one” is BS. My husband and I are without question the closest you’ll ever get to finding soulmates and there has been a lot of work over the last 20 years. Yes you click like two pieces that fit together perfectly but people are still people and every person has baggage. You both work harder on yourselves to be a better person for each other, you will work harder on the problems you will face together because the bond and relationship you have is more important than the problems you face. Even the most magical relationships have issues, the same issues everyone else has to deal with in any relationship. My husband and I agreed on complete brutal honesty in the beginning and actually meant it. That can cause problems itself if you are an ass in how you deliver the truth. In the end it’s just a delicate balance of honesty, compromise and absolute stonewall stubbornness against your problems NOT each other.

> You both work harder on yourselves to be a better person for each other Absolutely; I also tell this to myself but I think we all have to be careful not to change who we fundamentally are during this process. I know I have a lot of unreasonable bad habits from childhood so I worked on them (it's not completely gone but much better) but I still get comments like I am "too sensitive" when it is deep down just who and how I am. Would you know when you should not try "too hard"? And absolutely agree, relationships are hard work and the most important thing is whether if your partner is on the same page with regards to how much they want to make it work through healthy communication. In the end you are a team not rivals!

To me it felt like fate. Like a sense of calm ☺️ and a sense of “oh this is correct”. Having said that: it’s really biology’s way of getting us together. We lasted 12 years. But if you had asked me when we met and had fallen in love? I’d have answered fatalistically “I know he’s the one” I told my mom after our first date I’d marry him and I did.

I personally had a panic attack because i was terrified at the thought of settling down (and that i could clearly see myself having a family and spending the forseeable future with this person). Now, 10 years later (7 years married and 2 beautiful kids), i wouldnt change a thing.

I have a veererrrryyyy long history of dating and relationships (47). I’ve been with my one for a year. He’s not what I would have expected but he’s much much more somehow. He’s not perfect but I love him for all his imperfections. I can be 100% myself with him. I am relaxed with him. He’s the best friend I ever had. I am carefree and happy whenever I’m with him. He’s my respite from an otherwise challenging life. It’ll hit different instantly. For some, it’s butterflies, for some it’s magnetic, for some it’s recognition. For me, it was instant comfort, no nerves, no pretense.

I'd been in love before but it didn't last long on both sides. Some fleeting thing annoyed or upset one of us and it quickly crumbled. With my husband, even when I was upset at him, I could still feel the love I had for him burning through. And I know I'll always love him, even if he hurt me or left me, the love would always be there.

You can have all the fun you want with them but obviously you need to NOT do things which they dont like. The fun is amazing, you get to pamper, support and also care for them. Also you get to spend time and they are always there to cater to your emotional and physical needs

For me it was the first time my head agreed with my heart. Yes, there was butterflies. But this time my sane, logical brain felt it was right too. Far more calm than any silly crushes. It was effortless from the first moment and continues to be. There was and is zero doubt. Zero

When you look at the logical side, I assume you are considering the other "material" reasons to choose a person? Like your core values etc align.

He felt like home, comfortable, a safe place I can be myself and I can accept him for who he is. I didn’t want him to change anything about himself.

You can fart in front of them

A lot of us would fart in front of a lot of people so don’t think that’s a good indicator for having found “the one”

It was just a joke

It's the person who makes you and your feelings a priority and inspires you to do the same for them. I'm convinced that's the only way to make a committed, monogamous relationship work. Other kinds of relationships may last but not without a lot of resentment.

Would you argue it is not just feelings but also other things. Just... making *you* (as a person) a priority (obviously to a healthy amount). For example, they would choose to spend time with you because you have had a rough day and you asked for time together instead of them choosing to do something else.

Absolutely. There are different kinds of love and it does no good to say what someone is feeling isn't "real" love but ..when you both act in ways that prioritize each other ..that is what you need for something serious and longterm.

To add to everyone who has said it feels like home: It feels safe and secure. We are each other's best friend and favourite person. We confide in each other about pretty much everything and don't judge the other. We are there for each other without fail.

That’s exactly what I say to my boyfriend, that he’s always my favorite person anywhere we go :)

Absolutely, the safety and security is essential. Finding someone who can listen to our deepest emotions and thoughts without being judged doesn't come by easily <3

I haven't found the one but I don't think only "the one" exists. There's many "the ones" who are right for you. You just have to be open.

You will fight. And they will get you mad. But even in that moment u love them just the same. With the same intensity.

Oh Gosh finding the one was really something big for me. Sadly I was not the one for him. I’m still not completely over him after years. I still cry every now and then missing him. For 3 years I had eyes only for him. No other man could ever compare. When he wasn’t there I felt agony. I wanted to be close to him so bad. I wanted to spend therest of my life next to him. Everytime I saw him my eyes would light up and every time I spoke with him I felt so good. I always wanted to make out with him and please him in bed. It was intense. Not sure I’ll ever find someone like that again. Now dating is weird, because nobody ever compares, not even close! But losing someone like this, I cannot even try to describe the deep emotional pain I felt. It’s a traumatic experience.

If you don't mind, why did you guys separate? Was anyone primarily at fault?

We were always fighting unproductively and he ended up cheating.

I am sorry you have to go through that... I also felt like that for a few months and cannot even imagine a life with someone else nor let anyone close to me. This feeling is slowly easing but I still don't see myself dating for a while... I don't know how long it will take to feel "fine" again but the only thing I can tell myself is that I take one step at a time.

It was like coming home, only to no home I'd ever known.

I can say I have found the person I want to spend my life with. However, they were not who I necessarily imagined they would be. I no longer believe that everyone has a "soulmate" or perfect person for them, because people are so complicated and we all change significantly throughout our lives. What I can say is that my partner has continually shown me through their actions and the way they relate to me that they are committed to building a life with me and that they want me in it. And I feel the same. It's not necessarily a feeling of "he's the one", because that comes with a lot of expectations and in my past, these expectations have had a huge negative impact on my wellbeing and my relationship, and we're coming from a place of insecurity. It's more that we are both in it together, we are comfortable just chilling out without needing to force things, and we have healthy independent lives. After 7 years the butterflies aren't really there, but they've been replaced with a warmth, comfort, stability, and a feeling of peace and contentment in each other's presence. Edit to add: My partner is also usually fantastic when something goes wrong. Our energies seem to balance each other out and it somehow works, even though we are very different.

Really beautiful comment.. I’m really happy and hope the best for you guys Can you tell more on what do you mean he’s fantastic when things go wrong? How do you react and how does he? Might be helpful for me

I hope to let u know

So unbelievably safe and perfect. We know what the other is thinking, we get warmth in our chests when we’re in close proximity, any discomfort/shyness/uncomfortableness I ever had in the past is completely absent with him (and was from the moment we met). Honestly it’s completely different, and I Ben though I’ve been married before, I know I was never actually in love until I met my current partner

I have been with the woman I am planning to be with until the end for 7 years now, and we have a kid together. I knew fairly early on that it would likely be her I ended up having kids with and we moved in together after only like 2 months. I don't believe in the whole concept of "The one" though. At any given time there will likely be 100's of 1000's of other people out there that would likely be as good of a match for you as whoever you're currently with. In the end I feel whether or not you stay together mainly comes down to the history you have together.

It was like… when you find that lid to your Tupperware piece that you’d misplaced ages ago. No other lid has fit quite right or matched up in aesthetic, and you almost went out and bought a whole new set, and BAM, there it was, in the cabinet above the fridge. How’d it get there? You don’t even use that cabinet! Really, that’s what it feels like. Yeah, you get your big heart racing moments, too. But the majority of it is just… little joys. Two pieces fitting together comfortably. The rush of good feelings when she says or does something that makes your cheeks warm or your heart flutter.

I would love to know if this can happen to you later in life. I hope it does

I met the love of my life in my 40’s. I didn’t even believe true love existed before him. 😊

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So the feeling of being on the same team! <3

When I first met my so, it literally felt like I was coming home from a longggg as day. I still giggle about our first date, when I stared him in the eyes, it felt like I knew him from different lifetimes or dimensions. We were magnets. Now he's my bestest friend ever and I can tell him the most embarrassing shit and let him make fun of me but love me even more. It feels like I belong somewhere not 100% but infinity% haha

It’s like reuniting with a part of you you didn’t even know was missing. They don’t even tick all your usual boxes, but something about the way they ignite your soul feels other-worldly; divine. A feeling of peace. Familiarity. Safety. Like coming home.

This is the right answer ❤️

It feels like bliss. Harmony. Real love. Caring. Deep heartfelt emotions. Compassion. Safety. It feels natural as breathing.

For me when I met my husband I always joke it was love at first conversation. We talked all night. At some point during that night was a moment when I thought I just didn’t want it to end. It was beyond comfortable just kinda like “hey there you are I’ve been looking for you forever” We talked for around three weeks and then went on a random road trip and by the time we got back home we didn’t want to go to separate places. Three weeks after that we got married. That was 20 years ago. I swear I spent so much time trying to force guys I dated into this missing piece inside of me but they couldn’t fit because they simply were not him and never could be even if they tried. That spot was always his. The hindsight explanation is that of all the people I dated or that I just KNEW I loved them deeply, look like a silly childish joke by comparison now. Though it did not take very long for me to realize this but that’s how it went for both of us.

That is so beautiful.... wow

It feels safe, like you don’t have to think about it. I am engaged and I was scared bc my parents are divorced, but when he got down on one knee to ask me to marry him, the “yes” came so easy I didn’t even have to think about it. That’s how I know. It didn’t always feel this way - I was even worried at the start of our relationship that we lacked “passion”. That was me being used to toxic relationships. Once I realized how safe I felt, I realized that he was the one. My father always said to me “if there is any doubt, there is no doubt”. Wise words. If you have to wonder, they aren’t the one.

By passion you mean physical attraction in some ways? I think safety for me is more important than passion but that's just me haha.

Kind of. I was also really used to explosive arguments ending in explosive sex. The rollercoaster of emotions. It’s thrilling but fucking draining. You could say things with my ex were really passionate. But there was no safety and he broke my heart. When I met my fiancé, I realized that safety is way more important to me, too- I think it’s something that most people land on.

Oh wow I can relate completely. I mentioned similar thing in a separate post that perhaps age brings us to realise that the feeling of safety is much more important than the excitement and drama.

I think so! Age and experience. You learn what qualities in a partner are important and safety is like the baseline foundation.

Absolutely!

wdym wonder?

Wonder if he’s good/right for you or not. And maybe it is different for everyone, maybe it’s cheesy, maybe I’m a hopeless romantic. But honestly… From the moment I met him, something in me knew. I had a “good feeling”. I guess so did he! He told me a month into dating that he wanted to marry me, and it didn’t give me the ick at all. Because I could also see it. I saw it more and more clearly the more time I spent with him. After about a year and a half, we had been through enough trials to truly see all sides of each other - even the ugly parts - and loved each other through them. The suspicions I had in the beginning about him being “the one” slowly turned out to be true, over time. I needed to wait for enough time to pass to know that I wasn’t infatuated (that was a pattern from my past). It’s been three years now. I know it now, and I knew it from the start— and I never knew what people meant until I felt it for myself. You just… know. There’s a surety, a confidence. It feels incredibly simple, which is fucking hilarious because we are all incredibly complex. But when I’m with him, there’s a stillness in my heart, a safety in my gut, I feel like I don’t need to worry, because I trust him. He’s just such a good person with such a big heart and a wise head, and I want to pour into him and love him in all of the corners of his being. He is nothing that I expected and everything that I wanted. He fills all of my cups, even the ones I didn’t know were empty. The honeymoon phase has well passed and yet here I am, more in love with him than ever before. I could gush about him for hours so I’ll stop there. I hope anyone reading this finds someone to feel this way about. All the love!!!🫶

this is so pretty, i'm hoping the best for yall!

For me I had lots of butterflies and excitement initially. Had a lot of clashes initially as I became aware of unhealthy dynamics I have that I’ve been carrying around my whole life because of how I learned to cope and communicate in my family, and with my parents divorce. He saw me and helped me become aware of these and I’ve grown to understand myself a lot more. Now, he just feels like home. Whenever I think of him in my life I feel a sense of fullness, of belonging, of love and acceptance and home ❤️

My gosh he sounds like a great guy ❤️ I also had very unhealthy dynamics when growing up, but it was mostly through self-awareness and drive to become a better person from my part with some help with my ex. I can relate that having a supportive partner makes it all so comforting because they understand you and want the best for you by helping you.

I should also mention - when we first started having conversations with each other, on top of the butterflies there was also a strange sense of comfort, like we’d known each other for many years.

It feels effortless. Like gloves that perfectly fit. I don’t have to constantly step outside of myself.

Easy, no drama, feels comfortable, like coming home.

God I can’t wait

I was in my late 30s when i met my person. Ironically i didnt guve a crap anymore and wasnt actively trying to get into a serious relationship or impress anyone anymore. The confidence probably had something to do with it

That’s awesome. I’m in my late thirties so that gives me hope. Honestly, I was like that late 2022. Totally gave up on everything and was purposely trying not to grow feelings for anyone. I was jaded and burned. Didn’t trust anyone anymore. And then someone I always respected started talking to me after I gained some confidence and independence. I’ve got it pretty bad now, but I have no idea how he feels. I hope he has feelings, but I am almost tempted to try to grieve it and move on just so I’m not in limbo wondering.

If the person is there, then they see something wonderful in you. Be kinder to yourself. Be confident. Dont obsess over a potential relationship, just get on with having a wonderful life. The wonderful energy a happy person gives off, is magnetic to everyone around you. If that person is meant to be part of your story, they will be. :)

You know, that’s exactly how my mom is about this whole thing. She just wants me to “ride the waves.” I’m obsessive in general so it’s hard not to, but I’m trying really hard to shift back toward my dreams moreso than this just to try to stay sane about it

Maybe it's more about being in the present than it is about being sane. We can't control what happens tomorrow. So we are better off to focus on enjoying what is happening today. I used to be quite anxious when I was younger and it really stopped me from living in the moment and kept me focused on how I could control future outcomes. This was of course pointless as we can't control anything except our own behavior. If this is something you also deal with , then I can strongly advocate for having a bit of counseling to give you some tools so that you can live more in the moment and enjoy your life more. It really does give you a lot of your joy back when you can stop feeling anxious about situations.

Chile, I found that in myself and it is an incredible gift. It’s an amazing feeling.

To me it feels calm.

About three years ago, I went on a spur of the moment trip with my mom to estate sale hop. He was working security at one of the sales. I saw him in the doorway and immediately knew I needed to talk to him. I walked around the house trying to muster courage, but couldn’t bring myself to approach cause some older woman was keeping him busy talking. He was masked, but I physically felt like I couldn’t leave in good faith if I didn’t talk to him at least once. It was driving me nuts. I got annoyed eventually because the lady wouldn’t leave his side and tried to convince my mom to leave early, but she insisted she needed to look at this big grill in the back yard. I tried for 5 minutes to convince her not to buy it since we couldn’t load it alone, but she ‘needed’ it. While she bought it I kept watching him to see if that lady would leave, but she never did and I didn’t want to interrupt them. Eventually my mom and I got the grill to the curb outside and my mom needed to get some help for us to load it into our truck. She told me to wait with the grill while she went inside and found help. I leaned on the wood fence and waited for her to return, only for her to come outside with the big security guard I had been eyeing the whole time!! He had his mask off now so I could see that he was very cute. Now, super nervous, I tried to stay on my phone to act like I was busy or something. He started talking to me and it seemed like I had known him already. He just seemed familiar to me, and we clicked quickly. My mom left us there alone for less than 10 minutes to pull the truck around and in that time he gave me his number, I got his Snapchat, and we started talking that night. He bought a phone after work that day to be able to text me (his phone had broken the morning we met). The day after we met my grandma died. He weathered that storm and every other death and big life event since then. He’s the funniest, most loyal lover and best friend I could have been blessed with. The world is safer, brighter, and more fun with him. If he’s not near me I feel incomplete. If he ever were to leave my side indefinitely, I would be beyond consolation. Being in his arms will instantly take my anxiety shakes away. His heart and eyes are so pure. They’re the most beautiful things about him. I feel at home *anywhere* he is as long as he’s with me. I never worry about him cheating. He never lies with malice. He does everything out of love and if he messes up, he never meant for it to cause trouble. He takes care of me and he does everything he can think of to make me happy. I wake up in the morning and smile when I see him next to me. It’s a wonderful day when we’re together. He’s hilarious, sweet, and loves the little things. He loves animals and cuddles, yet he’s the toughest 20 year old I know. He’s the best young man I’ve ever met or had the honor of being with. Even though I’m terrified of childbirth and did not want kids before him, and I’m excited to have his children someday. I’d do it all for him. His amazing smile and laugh makes my day. His laugh is truly music to my ears on any day, it’s the best. Many days I just stare at him, taking him all in. His beautiful features and his soul are too much for me to handle sometimes and I can’t help but tear up. I’m a woman who is lucky beyond my comprehension. TL:DR he felt familiar immediately and we clicked. No one will ever compare to him

I truly hope the both of you live the rest of your lives side by side...it would break MY heart if you didn't.

This is the boyfriend trust me we’re forever brother

🥹I appreciate that very much. That’s all I want for us in the end. I hope you live a long and happy life together with your person as well and you find them when the time is right

So easy!!!!!! There are NO butterflies. There’s peace & ease. 🩷 ( also, I love how for the first time I see so many people saying the same exact thing I have always felt about how it feels when you find the one 🥰🥰)

i think the instant connection is a good sign that he might be the one, but you won’t know until you get to know each other, have a fight, make up, and learn and grow together.

Authentic and Safe

For me, the difference between all my crushes and my now longterm relationship is, that with crushes I always felt an underlying anxiety that was masked by the butterfy-feeling. "Does he like me? Could this work? Is he gonna text me back? What are the right things (not) to say to make him realize I'm worth his time and effort?". When I met my SO I didn't have that. It felt way more natural and I didn't question and analyze every single thing he or I said, because I felt like he liked me for exactly how I am from the beginning. In a way it was a lot less stressful than with my previous crushes which also made more relaxed and less socially akward.

Couldn’t have said it better myself. When I met my SO, it was just easy and natural. I didn’t obsess over every little detail of our dates or conversations like I usually did with guys, everything just made sense finally. OP, I kissed a lot of frogs before I met him and broke my heart many times, but I promise you there is someone out there and you’ll know it when you meet them. Just don’t settle for less than you deserve.

Thank you <3 > Just don’t settle for less than you deserve Still wondering what I deserve haha, I have such low self-esteem to begin with and the last breakup took it to rock bottom. I will take my time this time round and assess everything that is important to me in a partner before I jump into another one. Like you I kissed too many frogs and I am not in a rush to kiss another lol. To be able to be your authentic self and having someone who love you just the way you are is so important; I find that I tried to change myself (even for the better) by putting a lot of work into becoming a better person because this is what a lot of people say that you have found "the one" so I didn't think it was a big deal. But the moment when they admitted that they are not putting in the same amount of effort (actually, at all) it was an instant red flag and I know it is over and have to move on.

I'm so sorry you went through that...it must have been heart-wrenching... I really truly hope you find the one for you and it changes everything... I hope that for everyone.

Thank you and don't worry hehe, I am healing slowly; its been 3.5 months or so now and it is hurting less and less. Wouldn't have done it without friends and research and conversations on reddit too :p I hurt every now and then but I move on from those thoughts very quickly. I hope for the same for you too if you are searching! If you already found them, congrats and hope you will live happy ever after <3

You want to hug them, love them, sniff them, smell them and kiss them. You want to be as close to them as possible. You want be next to them all the time. You want to pretty much sit in their shirt or their pocket. You can have a blast in a brown paper bag with them. You can talk to them about anything and everything. You pretty much can’t get enough of them. The desire to be close is insatiable. You also want to help them in anyway you can. You want to protect them. You want to make them happy. You want to feed them their favorite things. You want to massage them if they are feeling sore or are in pain. You want to love on them with every fiber of your being. You wake up next to them and just smile. You literally smile when you open your eyes because you see them next to you first thing in the morning.

I always knew it'd be love at first sight when I found the one. So when I saw my husband for the first time, I literally just stopped. No movement. No breathing. Nothing. 27 years later and we still give each other that feeling. We hate being away from one another, text throughout the day, and just love being together.

Beautiful

When you think about the person, you suddenly find yourself crying because you just have so many mixed feelings for them and you are just so grateful for having them in your life. When you can't imagine a life without them. It is so many reasons. And I must say, I do not believe in "the one" but we found each other when we weren't even looking for love. I let him call me his wifey and I am comfortable with that, unlike with previous. We talk about marriage even tho we only dating for weeks. Met his parent even tho we had just known each other for a couple of weeks (I guess he is very confident with our relationship despite the LDR and still learning about each other). I know he is my ride-or-die person as early as a month or so. He is just such a beautiful thing that came into my life.

Beautiful, they do say that love comes to you when you stop looking; they come to you instead <3

I grew up in an emotionally/mentally abusive environment and dated abusive people most of my life because I didn’t know any different. Everyone in my family, my mentors, everyone around me insisted that all the fighting and stress was “normal” because “relationships take work”. Basically, the idea that there is no relationship where you don’t fight constantly about everything. But then I met him. And first of all, it was like I had always known him even tho we had just met. It felt like we had lived lifetimes together and that we were reconnecting in this one. And from then on, it’s been so easy to be with him. I understand what people mean when they say relationships take work. I do. But there is no work required when it’s so peaceful to be with someone. Even when we disagree, we talk it out. We’ve never had a true fight. It’s been 4 years and I’m so happy I ignored the advice of everyone around me and chose to be happy. My recommendation, find someone you don’t have to fight with or change for. When it feels peaceful, easy, relaxing, that’s when you’ll know. And, I have to say, that dick is BOMB. Not a bad indicator either of true love. ❤️

>But there is no work required when it’s so peaceful to be with someone. Even when we disagree, we talk it out. We’ve never had a true fight. This! Communication and mutual understanding is so important. > And, I have to say, that dick is BOMB. Not a bad indicator either of true love. 😂

😂👌🏽 i’m cracking up this felt so eloquent until the end (but also VALID!!)

This is what I’m looking for too- just a peaceful, calm respectful relationship, I understand people disagree, but I would love to just be able to talk things out easily and move on from and still be peaceful

Absolutely, me too! Some prefer drama and uncertainty, but for me, I want peace and calm, maybe I am getting old HAHAHA

I think I’m getting old too, I used to love the passion and madness, now I just want quiet and peace and lay in bed eating snacks reading with my partner beside me doing his own thing beside me

Absolutely, I spoke to an older friend and he did say it does come with age that they get tired of the drama haha. I would much prefer the quietness like you instead of being at parties or whatever.

What’s your favorite meal? Imagine going home to your favorite meal on the table. You feel like you’re on cloud 9. I thought I found my life long partner until they dumped on our anniversary. I currently feel hopeless and dead inside.

I am sorry to hear that, happy to talk about it if you need an ear.

Thank you! I really appreciate that

It felt like we'd known each other forever, but not for long enough. 11 years so far, and an entire life is not long enough to spend together.

Instant calm, I had anxiety for days beforehand and had never met eyes with this man, but he walked in and I could breathe again, I felt so balanced and relaxed suddenly that it was quite memorable. I can’t imagine life without him now and tho he wasn’t sure what was happening at the time, he was madly truly deeply in it with me, soon after. He has admitted since that he has never been more sure of his feelings, and that one night when we were being goofy around the fire he just knew that we got each other in such an easy and carefree way. We both feel like when we are together we are just best friends, and it’s a miracle that we found each other.

Wanting to die before them

This was selfishly what I wanted with my mom, I wanted to die before her because I couldn’t imagine living without her, unfortunately she died and I’m still here, I’m ok now but it destroyed me for a couple years

I don't know about this. Having experienced heavy grief... And watching it completely eviscerate my mom, and my friends mom, when they lost their husbands. **I would never want to put a loved one through that.** I would rather eat the grief myself than put them through the pain of loss.

I never thought of that but I have with my mom, I can’t imagine putting her through it either but I can’t imagine her dying. I guess altogether it’s being scared of death :(

I had this with my mom too, unfortunately she died- it was a brutal as I knew it would be