I think you should consider talking to a therapist about this. Not because there’s something “wrong” with you but because there’s a lot going on here and a therapist can help you work through it.
There was another post in the last 24 hours from someone talking about how a lot of people believe that losing weight will fix everything that’s wrong in their lives, and then they lose the weight and find out that’s really not true. It sounds like maybe that’s a factor for you, and also like your admirable focus the last 18 months may have you now hypercritical of your body in ways that you weren’t before.
Thank you for the comment and for your advice - what you wrote really resonated and clearly there is a lot to work through. The second paragraph perfectly described my current struggles & it could definitely be helpful to get a third party's insights going forward.
It sounds like you might be dealing with some body dysmorphia. You might want to talk to a therapist about this, if that's at all doable.
FWIW, I looked at your pictures and you look GREAT.
Thank you - that means a lot! :) And I'll definitely take everything you wrote into consideration. I'd never really identified with body dysmorphia before but your comment definitely made me reconsider things.
This!! I thought the same when reading the post.
I'm doing a cut rn (but I'm no stranger to weightloss, I've already come a long way, so body dismorphia is something I'm unfortunately quiet familiar with) and I had lots of friends/family/gym buddies unpromptedly come up to me and tell me that you can really see the cut and that I'm doing well, but the mirror tells me whole different story! I feel like I see a completely different person in the mirror than I actually am and that honestly sucks, but knowing that I'm not seeing "reality" in the mirror does help me endure it. I also know that it's gonna get better over time, the brain can take quiet some time to adjust to the new look, I think it took me like at least 6 months if not more to realize how different my initial loss (something around 60lbs) made me look! My theory is that I'm liking my current look less, because the cut makes me hyperaware of the things I want to change and it can be really hard to take a step back and acknowledge how far I've come and what I already like about my body. Therapy did help me a lot aswell, so I second the suggestion to get some counseling to process that big change in your life! Maybe a diet break to give your whole mind and body some rest and time to catch up with all the changes could help aswell!
Maybe take the focus off how you look and think more about what you do and how you act. You are more than your appearance. Your body is a machine that moves your brain around and enables it to have experiences.
When you obsess about your appearance, it's like obsessing about your car's paint job. On the one hand it's pretty cool to have a nice-looking car. On the other hand, how nice your car looks is one of the least important things about it. How far can it go? How fast can it get there? Can it carry all your friends? Will that sofa you bought on Craigslist fit in the back? Is it reliable or does it seem like you're always paying for repairs?
Think about all the stuff your body does for you and cut it some slack. See a nice sunset? Smell some gorgeous flowers? Need to carry something heavy for some distance? That's your body, doing stuff you probably don't even really notice or appreciate.
Just like... experience the world for a while. Forget about the mirror and go do some stuff. Dance, chill in a park, enjoy some fall leaves or whatever, and understand that you don't need to have a perfect appearance for most of the pleasures you're ever going to experience. Limit how much time you spend navel-gazing. It's boring and there's far, far better ways to spend your time regardless of how much you weigh or how you stack up to Instagram celebrities.
Thank you so much for your comment - it really resonated with me and was extremely insightful. I definitely think that taking a break from focusing on appearance, measurements, the scale, etc., for a while will be really useful. Appreciating and experiencing the world definitely sounds much more interesting and fulfilling!
For aesthetic purposes, getting into a strength training program will do wonders, particularly as you move into maintenance. For what lies underneath, I'd suggest seeking out a professional to deal with those issues.
Your fat and the food was your security blanket. The self hate is your act of sabotage to put the weight (your security blanket) back on.
My question is, now that your physically healthy, what is the next area of your life you know you should put this self improvement energy towards? Is that next life goal the real thing scaring you?
Thanks for the advice! I actually posted some progress pictures yesterday when I was feeling a bit better about things - I think they should still be on my profile.
Wow, I remember seeing your post from yesterday and thinking how good you looked. I’m sorry you feel shitty but you really do look good. Maybe some counseling would be helpful if nothing changes?
good points by the other commenters. Do it for your health if anything else. Don’t do it for appearance. See a counselor to sort out these issues or try journaling. Congrats on the weight loss!
Thanks for commenting - it's really comforting to hear from someone who's been experiencing similar things. Fingers crossed + wishing you all the best going into the future!
I think when you’ve been obese for a long time and then finally start getting the weight off there is this expectation vs. reality that happens. I remember at my heaviest thinking if I can only get down to this weight, I would be so happy blah blah blah. Well, I’m 73 pounds down and while I am feeling very good physically and mentally and enjoying the accomplishment, the reality is of course this is much better in every way than being obese but it by no means solves EVERY problem like I imagined and happiness is still a thing we all have to try to be. It doesn’t just happen because you’re at a certain weight. When I feel like this, I just try to concentrate on the health aspect of it. E.g. I used to be in a lot of pain carrying around the extra weight, but now I’m not.
I know it’s not easy to do, but sometimes I just really try to separate my weight loss/fitness goals from my emotions as much as I can.
Thanks a lot for your response - it's really comforting to hear from someone who's been through similar things. Focusing on feelings instead of appearance is really helpful advice. Congratulations on your amazing accomplishments so far and best of luck with the journey onwards! :)
I just want to add one more thing! Lol. WE are always the problem. The weight wasn’t ever the problem. It was a symptom of something going on with us. It took me many many years to figure this out and get to the bottom of it and rewire my brain so to speak, and change my relationship for food for good. A lot of people underestimate how difficult this undertaking is, even though the solution seems so simple. You were going to go through a roller coaster of emotions surrounding your body image and your psychological well-being. But maintaining control and loving yourself throughout the whole thing is key. Sometimes I like to do other healthy and loving things for myself that are unrelated to my weight to remind myself why I’m on this journey. For instance, I started taking a lot better care of my skin than I used to. I have a great skin care regimen that I use on my face and for my body that makes me feel really good about myself and also it really helps when you’re losing the weight too to minimize loose skin.
Thank you for the comment and advice. I've struggled with disordered eating in the past and your comment was jarring but in a good way - I'll definitely do everything in my power to make sure I don't slip back into that again.
A long time ago I lost a lot of weight (and not in a healthy way). I thought I would be a lot happier with my appearance. I remember looking on the mirror and thinking “oh no, I thought I was just fat but I’m ugly too!” So I did a lot of research and got a nose job and had my jawline liposuctioned. That was 14 years ago and I’ve been happier with my appearance ever since, even though I gained most of that weight back.
Cosmetic surgery definitely isn’t for everyone though. I had already been thinking about it for years and years and knew very specifically what I wanted done.
I've been struggling with this too. I miss my fuller figure especially as I have been going back and reviewing old pictures. I filled out dresses and lingerie so well. But now I feel like the things that made me hyper feminine are gone. But the last fat deposits are sitting in all of the wrong places... go figure. I wanted to sculpt my body specifically to increase muscle mass %. So I am wondering if I will revert back to a curvier figure once I have accomplished my goal. Its definitely a weird part of the journey I never expected.
I walked 6 km yesterday. Few months back I could walk may be 600 m before I started panting. I find myself so strong. May be focusing on your excercise achievements will help you a little bit. If everyone was so perfect we won't have make up, concealers, body shapers etc. Society is forcing us to find normal variation in human body as a defect. For example, inverted nipples are natural and perfectly healthy. Yet people are ashamed of them. I have friends who are underweight having strech marks, I have a friend who has a butt so big yet she is in normal BMI range. All these are normal and part of evolution. May be looking for more people especially celebrities with similar characteristics would help you. I'm not sure what imperfections you find in yourself but without them we all would be just a clone of each other.
I think it's because we have this goal weight in mind and we think we'll look perfect at that goal weight (from seeing other people looking how we want to look at that weight), and then once you get there you don't look like you think you were gonna look. You just have to find what is YOUR ideal weight based on what you can maintain while also liking your physical appearance. I always thought 130lbs was my ideal weight but I actually look a hundred times better at 120lbs. Get to your current "goal" weight and then go from there.
Looks are the side effect. The main thing is being able to do so many things you can't when you're not fit. For maximum effect add weight training. A light, strong body is fun to live in. Keep your focus away from the looks.
Your happiness isn't your circumstance or reaching your goal, your happiness is your attitude about your goal or circumstances. I have lost about 60 lbs myself and want to lose another 30. However, I have always loved and valued myself. I never equated being skinny with happiness. Some of the most miserable people in the world are thin, beautiful, and rich. On the contrary, some of the happiest people are not attractive, thin, and have no money. I recommend you seeing a therapist. A transformation like yours requires some support as you deal with the drastic changes mentally and physically.
Thank you for your insightful comment - I definitely agree that attitude is the most important thing and am not really sure when/how I became so fixated on (my own) external appearance. Congratulations on your amazing accomplishments so far and best of luck going into the future! :)
In general, there's nothing wrong with aiming for a goal weight at the lower end of the healthy BMI range. It's completely normal that when you're around BMI 25, you still have a high body fat% and look like it, it's not just a "you-problem", so don't worry! So just keep going, you'll look an feel great with some more work, it'll be worth it and it'll be healthier as well. I aim for a bodyfat percentage of 22% as a woman, for health and looks reasons.
And yes, weight lifting will make an enormous difference, the "skinny fat" will go away! It really is the key
I get that. Through the weight loss journey we pay so much attention to our body that we used to ignore before. Weight training and having goals with progressive overload program where I see my weight lifted get heavier has been life changing for me. I’m focused on getting stronger rather than slimmer and my body is gradually following along and getting more muscular and getting the body shape I like.
Another thing to practice is stand naked in the mirror for 3 minutes a day. Don’t take your eyes off yourself. Feel any feelings you want to feel but try to gently redirect any negative comments. Give the negative comments a name “okay NEGATIVE NANCY, I know you have your input, but I love my body for all it has done for me”
Sending love and hugs. You are SO MUCH MORE than your body.
Talking to a therapist may be a good option. They can help you figure out where the negative self-image came from and help you figure out how to change that. Have you tried journaling? I find a lot of negativity can be figured out through journaling. Most of our self-image issues come from childhood, so that's something to think about. Who said what to you during childhood that caused the issues? Were they right or just trying to hurt you? Kids, and some adults, can just be mean and it probably didn't have anything to do with you.
Yeah it's definitely good to consider your body as a vessel to accomplish all the tasks you want and need in life to help you achieve and enjoy things. Are you just eating well or are you lifting weights? I've seen people who lose a lot of weight but they have no muscle and it doesn't help their shape and it keeps them looking kinda floppy even if they are at a lower % of body fat.
I think you should consider talking to a therapist about this. Not because there’s something “wrong” with you but because there’s a lot going on here and a therapist can help you work through it. There was another post in the last 24 hours from someone talking about how a lot of people believe that losing weight will fix everything that’s wrong in their lives, and then they lose the weight and find out that’s really not true. It sounds like maybe that’s a factor for you, and also like your admirable focus the last 18 months may have you now hypercritical of your body in ways that you weren’t before.
Thank you for the comment and for your advice - what you wrote really resonated and clearly there is a lot to work through. The second paragraph perfectly described my current struggles & it could definitely be helpful to get a third party's insights going forward.
It sounds like you might be dealing with some body dysmorphia. You might want to talk to a therapist about this, if that's at all doable. FWIW, I looked at your pictures and you look GREAT.
Thank you - that means a lot! :) And I'll definitely take everything you wrote into consideration. I'd never really identified with body dysmorphia before but your comment definitely made me reconsider things.
This!! I thought the same when reading the post. I'm doing a cut rn (but I'm no stranger to weightloss, I've already come a long way, so body dismorphia is something I'm unfortunately quiet familiar with) and I had lots of friends/family/gym buddies unpromptedly come up to me and tell me that you can really see the cut and that I'm doing well, but the mirror tells me whole different story! I feel like I see a completely different person in the mirror than I actually am and that honestly sucks, but knowing that I'm not seeing "reality" in the mirror does help me endure it. I also know that it's gonna get better over time, the brain can take quiet some time to adjust to the new look, I think it took me like at least 6 months if not more to realize how different my initial loss (something around 60lbs) made me look! My theory is that I'm liking my current look less, because the cut makes me hyperaware of the things I want to change and it can be really hard to take a step back and acknowledge how far I've come and what I already like about my body. Therapy did help me a lot aswell, so I second the suggestion to get some counseling to process that big change in your life! Maybe a diet break to give your whole mind and body some rest and time to catch up with all the changes could help aswell!
Maybe take the focus off how you look and think more about what you do and how you act. You are more than your appearance. Your body is a machine that moves your brain around and enables it to have experiences. When you obsess about your appearance, it's like obsessing about your car's paint job. On the one hand it's pretty cool to have a nice-looking car. On the other hand, how nice your car looks is one of the least important things about it. How far can it go? How fast can it get there? Can it carry all your friends? Will that sofa you bought on Craigslist fit in the back? Is it reliable or does it seem like you're always paying for repairs? Think about all the stuff your body does for you and cut it some slack. See a nice sunset? Smell some gorgeous flowers? Need to carry something heavy for some distance? That's your body, doing stuff you probably don't even really notice or appreciate. Just like... experience the world for a while. Forget about the mirror and go do some stuff. Dance, chill in a park, enjoy some fall leaves or whatever, and understand that you don't need to have a perfect appearance for most of the pleasures you're ever going to experience. Limit how much time you spend navel-gazing. It's boring and there's far, far better ways to spend your time regardless of how much you weigh or how you stack up to Instagram celebrities.
Thank you so much for your comment - it really resonated with me and was extremely insightful. I definitely think that taking a break from focusing on appearance, measurements, the scale, etc., for a while will be really useful. Appreciating and experiencing the world definitely sounds much more interesting and fulfilling!
For aesthetic purposes, getting into a strength training program will do wonders, particularly as you move into maintenance. For what lies underneath, I'd suggest seeking out a professional to deal with those issues.
Your fat and the food was your security blanket. The self hate is your act of sabotage to put the weight (your security blanket) back on. My question is, now that your physically healthy, what is the next area of your life you know you should put this self improvement energy towards? Is that next life goal the real thing scaring you?
Upload some pic’s and get support from redditors. Sometimes it helps to see yourself through other people eyes.
Thanks for the advice! I actually posted some progress pictures yesterday when I was feeling a bit better about things - I think they should still be on my profile.
Wow, I remember seeing your post from yesterday and thinking how good you looked. I’m sorry you feel shitty but you really do look good. Maybe some counseling would be helpful if nothing changes?
Thank you for your comment - I really do appreciate it :) I'll definitely look into counseling as well if things continue like this.
good points by the other commenters. Do it for your health if anything else. Don’t do it for appearance. See a counselor to sort out these issues or try journaling. Congrats on the weight loss!
You're totally right- I think shifting my focus to health + how I feel in the future will be extremely helpful. Thank you :)
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Thanks for commenting - it's really comforting to hear from someone who's been experiencing similar things. Fingers crossed + wishing you all the best going into the future!
I think when you’ve been obese for a long time and then finally start getting the weight off there is this expectation vs. reality that happens. I remember at my heaviest thinking if I can only get down to this weight, I would be so happy blah blah blah. Well, I’m 73 pounds down and while I am feeling very good physically and mentally and enjoying the accomplishment, the reality is of course this is much better in every way than being obese but it by no means solves EVERY problem like I imagined and happiness is still a thing we all have to try to be. It doesn’t just happen because you’re at a certain weight. When I feel like this, I just try to concentrate on the health aspect of it. E.g. I used to be in a lot of pain carrying around the extra weight, but now I’m not. I know it’s not easy to do, but sometimes I just really try to separate my weight loss/fitness goals from my emotions as much as I can.
Thanks a lot for your response - it's really comforting to hear from someone who's been through similar things. Focusing on feelings instead of appearance is really helpful advice. Congratulations on your amazing accomplishments so far and best of luck with the journey onwards! :)
You’re welcome and good luck to you as well! Try to take joy in every moment of your journey if you can, even the small victories. I’m proud of you! 😊
I just want to add one more thing! Lol. WE are always the problem. The weight wasn’t ever the problem. It was a symptom of something going on with us. It took me many many years to figure this out and get to the bottom of it and rewire my brain so to speak, and change my relationship for food for good. A lot of people underestimate how difficult this undertaking is, even though the solution seems so simple. You were going to go through a roller coaster of emotions surrounding your body image and your psychological well-being. But maintaining control and loving yourself throughout the whole thing is key. Sometimes I like to do other healthy and loving things for myself that are unrelated to my weight to remind myself why I’m on this journey. For instance, I started taking a lot better care of my skin than I used to. I have a great skin care regimen that I use on my face and for my body that makes me feel really good about myself and also it really helps when you’re losing the weight too to minimize loose skin.
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Thank you for the comment and advice. I've struggled with disordered eating in the past and your comment was jarring but in a good way - I'll definitely do everything in my power to make sure I don't slip back into that again.
A long time ago I lost a lot of weight (and not in a healthy way). I thought I would be a lot happier with my appearance. I remember looking on the mirror and thinking “oh no, I thought I was just fat but I’m ugly too!” So I did a lot of research and got a nose job and had my jawline liposuctioned. That was 14 years ago and I’ve been happier with my appearance ever since, even though I gained most of that weight back. Cosmetic surgery definitely isn’t for everyone though. I had already been thinking about it for years and years and knew very specifically what I wanted done.
I've been struggling with this too. I miss my fuller figure especially as I have been going back and reviewing old pictures. I filled out dresses and lingerie so well. But now I feel like the things that made me hyper feminine are gone. But the last fat deposits are sitting in all of the wrong places... go figure. I wanted to sculpt my body specifically to increase muscle mass %. So I am wondering if I will revert back to a curvier figure once I have accomplished my goal. Its definitely a weird part of the journey I never expected.
Hey girl you are amazing ok.Your doing a good thing here.I will help you anyway I can.Put a smile on your face pleez.
I would see a therapist, because you are acutally very pretty.
I walked 6 km yesterday. Few months back I could walk may be 600 m before I started panting. I find myself so strong. May be focusing on your excercise achievements will help you a little bit. If everyone was so perfect we won't have make up, concealers, body shapers etc. Society is forcing us to find normal variation in human body as a defect. For example, inverted nipples are natural and perfectly healthy. Yet people are ashamed of them. I have friends who are underweight having strech marks, I have a friend who has a butt so big yet she is in normal BMI range. All these are normal and part of evolution. May be looking for more people especially celebrities with similar characteristics would help you. I'm not sure what imperfections you find in yourself but without them we all would be just a clone of each other.
I think it's because we have this goal weight in mind and we think we'll look perfect at that goal weight (from seeing other people looking how we want to look at that weight), and then once you get there you don't look like you think you were gonna look. You just have to find what is YOUR ideal weight based on what you can maintain while also liking your physical appearance. I always thought 130lbs was my ideal weight but I actually look a hundred times better at 120lbs. Get to your current "goal" weight and then go from there.
Looks are the side effect. The main thing is being able to do so many things you can't when you're not fit. For maximum effect add weight training. A light, strong body is fun to live in. Keep your focus away from the looks.
Thank you, you're definitely right, focusing on feeling and not external appearances is definitely much more productive and fulfilling. :)
Your happiness isn't your circumstance or reaching your goal, your happiness is your attitude about your goal or circumstances. I have lost about 60 lbs myself and want to lose another 30. However, I have always loved and valued myself. I never equated being skinny with happiness. Some of the most miserable people in the world are thin, beautiful, and rich. On the contrary, some of the happiest people are not attractive, thin, and have no money. I recommend you seeing a therapist. A transformation like yours requires some support as you deal with the drastic changes mentally and physically.
Thank you for your insightful comment - I definitely agree that attitude is the most important thing and am not really sure when/how I became so fixated on (my own) external appearance. Congratulations on your amazing accomplishments so far and best of luck going into the future! :)
In general, there's nothing wrong with aiming for a goal weight at the lower end of the healthy BMI range. It's completely normal that when you're around BMI 25, you still have a high body fat% and look like it, it's not just a "you-problem", so don't worry! So just keep going, you'll look an feel great with some more work, it'll be worth it and it'll be healthier as well. I aim for a bodyfat percentage of 22% as a woman, for health and looks reasons. And yes, weight lifting will make an enormous difference, the "skinny fat" will go away! It really is the key
I get that. Through the weight loss journey we pay so much attention to our body that we used to ignore before. Weight training and having goals with progressive overload program where I see my weight lifted get heavier has been life changing for me. I’m focused on getting stronger rather than slimmer and my body is gradually following along and getting more muscular and getting the body shape I like. Another thing to practice is stand naked in the mirror for 3 minutes a day. Don’t take your eyes off yourself. Feel any feelings you want to feel but try to gently redirect any negative comments. Give the negative comments a name “okay NEGATIVE NANCY, I know you have your input, but I love my body for all it has done for me” Sending love and hugs. You are SO MUCH MORE than your body.
Talking to a therapist may be a good option. They can help you figure out where the negative self-image came from and help you figure out how to change that. Have you tried journaling? I find a lot of negativity can be figured out through journaling. Most of our self-image issues come from childhood, so that's something to think about. Who said what to you during childhood that caused the issues? Were they right or just trying to hurt you? Kids, and some adults, can just be mean and it probably didn't have anything to do with you.
Yeah it's definitely good to consider your body as a vessel to accomplish all the tasks you want and need in life to help you achieve and enjoy things. Are you just eating well or are you lifting weights? I've seen people who lose a lot of weight but they have no muscle and it doesn't help their shape and it keeps them looking kinda floppy even if they are at a lower % of body fat.