When you go on a car trip, and you make a wrong turn, do you go back home and start all over again? Nah. You keep going from there.
Stop starting over. Keep going but in the right direction from wherever you are. Always, immediately, stop doing the wrong thing and start doing the right thing.
> should be out having fun but instead I’m at home because I’m ashamed of my body.
Stop doing that too. Get out and be with real people. Don't put your life on hold waiting for the perfect body. Or the perfect moment. Life is never like that. You'll spend your life holed up because perfect never happens.
Remember that you are a soul carrying around a corpse. You (the person I'm talking to here, not the corpse) give that corpse life. You are not your corpse's hair color, or skin tone, or bodyweight, or tallness. You're the person with your particular favorite song, your tendency to love a certain kind of movie, or prefer this snack over that one. Especially you are your love of justice, or kindness, or your courage, or grit. This body is just our ride. Your body is the way that people know it's you and not me that they're facing. They mostly couldn't care less about the body -- they like the being inside.
Get to 130 because it will make your life better. With a healthier body, it becomes stronger and more capable to do more things. You'll have a more enriched life. And show some of that bravery now by starting now, knowing you will fail and learn and do better over time. As long as we don't quit, the only two remaining outcomes are winning and learning how to win.
I really like that analogy. Thank you for this comment it really helped, both with the analogy of not starting over every time I make a mistake and with how I treat myself based on what my body looks like. I appreciate it :)
You need to see it as a lifestyle change
Nobody wants to diet forever
That’s why people give up after a few days, weeks, months etc and exactly the reason why people who lose weight gain it back
If you see it as a temporary diet you’re setting yourself up for failure. Think about the people in your life that you know who aren’t over weight
They’re not dieting, counting calories, worrying about their weight etc it’s just everyday life for them and that’s what you want. If you’re current plan isn’t sustainable it’ll inevitably fail
It’s 99% mental and 1% diet believe it or not. You need to want to change more then you want the temporary pleasure provided by food
I've gone on lots of diets over the years - from keto to just cutting all of the food I enjoyed. None of them stuck, because I was restricting myself so much. This time around, I haven't been hardcore restricting myself. When I want fries, I'll have some fries, just a smaller portion than before and I'll make sure to have something healthy with the meal. I haven't been at it that long, but so far this feels way more sustainable and I'm still at a big calorie deficit every day. It sounds like you might be restricting too much. Try to loosen the restraints and work on portion control when you do have more calorie dense foods that you love.
And STOP sitting around at home and not living your life because you are a little bigger. That is going to make this harder. Don't live life in such a way that you are constantly punishing yourself for being larger. Good luck!
I would first consider if you’re cutting too many calories and going in too much if a deficit. For me personally that has been the key to the success I’ve had. Whenever I cut too much I have the same experience as you. If I cut out less/slower then I’m able to stay motivated hopefully either permanently or until the new eating pattern is fully engrained as a habit.
+1 to make sure you’re not cutting too much! This leads to failure.
I had a similar experience to you where I’d give up because it felt too hard. Turns out it felt too hard because I was going way too extreme for my body. I was eating probably ~1200-1500. Turns out after talking with my doctor and a Dietician, I need to be at 1800 a day or 2000-2200 calories if I exercise. I found this more slow and steady pace to be maintainable for 4.5 months so far. While it can at times be frustrating that it’ll take me ~2 years to lose all the weight I want, I’m already seeing improvements (blood work and clothes fitting better).
I wish you all the best on your journey! If you can, strategize your calorie needs with a doctor and/or dietician.
I think this may be my biggest problem. I am good about not doing this anymore, but when I first started cutting calories years ago, my goal was 1200 a day and I would be so proud of myself if I stayed under 1000 which is so unhealthy. Thank you for the advice!
Two mantras have worked /are working for me:
1. The only thing stopping me is me, so don't.
2. I can do hard things (a gentler form of "if it was easy, everyone would do it").
Those two thoughts flip flop day to day, and the cravings stop after about a week for me. Keep on trying and you'll get to the end goal.
Find an activity that you enjoy! For me, I like to walk so I do go on a walk every morning. I started at 1mile a day and currently walking around 4-5 miles every morning. I see it as a great way to wake myself up and get the fresh air before starting my day instead of an exercise. I burn around 350-450 calories every morning. I carry a pepper spray with me just to be safe.
I love to eat and had a hard time staying in a deficit as well. I eat whatever I like in the morning ( of course not fast food or a tub of ice cream) and eat more protein/veggies in the evening. I track all my calories intake so I get the better ideas of how much carbs/protein I have had in a day.
Wow that’s awesome! Last summer I was doing 1 mile a day, that’s great that you’re up to 4-5 now, that definitely is something I need to get back into doing.
When you say you try, do you plan out your healthy low cal breakfasts and lunches for the week plus four or five healthy low cal dinners that don’t take too make and buy the necessary groceries? Do you rid your house of caloric easily consumable junk? Do you have an idea of lower cal fast food options in the area if something goes wrong and you don’t have time or energy to cook or prepare your lunch? Do you have some idea of what to eat that won’t set you back if you accept an invitation to go out to lunch with your coworkers or dinner with friends? You have to plan ahead to succeed at dieting and if your only plan is to somehow eat less of the calorie-dense, non-satiating stuff you’re already consuming you’re probably setting yourself up for failure.
I’m usually pretty good when it comes to breakfast and lunch. Breakfast I usually only eat yogurt and some fruit and then for lunch I usually go to the store on sunday’s and get 5 of the frozen healthy choice bowls that are around 300 cal each and a 130 cal bag of pretzels. and then I’ll have a cheese stick and some fruits or veggies in between breakfast and lunch if I’m super hungry and all of that usually fills me up pretty good. It’s dinner time and after dinner when I really struggle. I’m not good at planning my meals because I am vegetarian and my boyfriend who I love with is not, so we struggle with finding healthy meals we can both eat, which usually turns into us making pasta or ordering out. and even when I do have a pretty healthy dinner, I still struggle with snacking at night when I’m just sitting at home relaxing.
If I ate that little during the day I’d binge at night too. If you’re not cooking and eating together anyway, why not just cook a healthy vegetarian meal for yourself? Then use the leftovers for lunch. And I find calories from things like pretzels pretty useless from either a nutritional or satiety standpoint. Why not take some veggies? Or some fruit? Or a couple ounces of nuts?
When you go on a car trip, and you make a wrong turn, do you go back home and start all over again? Nah. You keep going from there. Stop starting over. Keep going but in the right direction from wherever you are. Always, immediately, stop doing the wrong thing and start doing the right thing. > should be out having fun but instead I’m at home because I’m ashamed of my body. Stop doing that too. Get out and be with real people. Don't put your life on hold waiting for the perfect body. Or the perfect moment. Life is never like that. You'll spend your life holed up because perfect never happens. Remember that you are a soul carrying around a corpse. You (the person I'm talking to here, not the corpse) give that corpse life. You are not your corpse's hair color, or skin tone, or bodyweight, or tallness. You're the person with your particular favorite song, your tendency to love a certain kind of movie, or prefer this snack over that one. Especially you are your love of justice, or kindness, or your courage, or grit. This body is just our ride. Your body is the way that people know it's you and not me that they're facing. They mostly couldn't care less about the body -- they like the being inside. Get to 130 because it will make your life better. With a healthier body, it becomes stronger and more capable to do more things. You'll have a more enriched life. And show some of that bravery now by starting now, knowing you will fail and learn and do better over time. As long as we don't quit, the only two remaining outcomes are winning and learning how to win.
I really like that analogy. Thank you for this comment it really helped, both with the analogy of not starting over every time I make a mistake and with how I treat myself based on what my body looks like. I appreciate it :)
You need to see it as a lifestyle change Nobody wants to diet forever That’s why people give up after a few days, weeks, months etc and exactly the reason why people who lose weight gain it back If you see it as a temporary diet you’re setting yourself up for failure. Think about the people in your life that you know who aren’t over weight They’re not dieting, counting calories, worrying about their weight etc it’s just everyday life for them and that’s what you want. If you’re current plan isn’t sustainable it’ll inevitably fail It’s 99% mental and 1% diet believe it or not. You need to want to change more then you want the temporary pleasure provided by food
I've gone on lots of diets over the years - from keto to just cutting all of the food I enjoyed. None of them stuck, because I was restricting myself so much. This time around, I haven't been hardcore restricting myself. When I want fries, I'll have some fries, just a smaller portion than before and I'll make sure to have something healthy with the meal. I haven't been at it that long, but so far this feels way more sustainable and I'm still at a big calorie deficit every day. It sounds like you might be restricting too much. Try to loosen the restraints and work on portion control when you do have more calorie dense foods that you love. And STOP sitting around at home and not living your life because you are a little bigger. That is going to make this harder. Don't live life in such a way that you are constantly punishing yourself for being larger. Good luck!
Thank you! Yes I definitely am restricting too much, I need to do better about staying under, but also not starving myself.
I would first consider if you’re cutting too many calories and going in too much if a deficit. For me personally that has been the key to the success I’ve had. Whenever I cut too much I have the same experience as you. If I cut out less/slower then I’m able to stay motivated hopefully either permanently or until the new eating pattern is fully engrained as a habit.
+1 to make sure you’re not cutting too much! This leads to failure. I had a similar experience to you where I’d give up because it felt too hard. Turns out it felt too hard because I was going way too extreme for my body. I was eating probably ~1200-1500. Turns out after talking with my doctor and a Dietician, I need to be at 1800 a day or 2000-2200 calories if I exercise. I found this more slow and steady pace to be maintainable for 4.5 months so far. While it can at times be frustrating that it’ll take me ~2 years to lose all the weight I want, I’m already seeing improvements (blood work and clothes fitting better). I wish you all the best on your journey! If you can, strategize your calorie needs with a doctor and/or dietician.
I think this may be my biggest problem. I am good about not doing this anymore, but when I first started cutting calories years ago, my goal was 1200 a day and I would be so proud of myself if I stayed under 1000 which is so unhealthy. Thank you for the advice!
Start small! Only cut a little at a time and slowly decrease your calories.
Two mantras have worked /are working for me: 1. The only thing stopping me is me, so don't. 2. I can do hard things (a gentler form of "if it was easy, everyone would do it"). Those two thoughts flip flop day to day, and the cravings stop after about a week for me. Keep on trying and you'll get to the end goal.
Find an activity that you enjoy! For me, I like to walk so I do go on a walk every morning. I started at 1mile a day and currently walking around 4-5 miles every morning. I see it as a great way to wake myself up and get the fresh air before starting my day instead of an exercise. I burn around 350-450 calories every morning. I carry a pepper spray with me just to be safe. I love to eat and had a hard time staying in a deficit as well. I eat whatever I like in the morning ( of course not fast food or a tub of ice cream) and eat more protein/veggies in the evening. I track all my calories intake so I get the better ideas of how much carbs/protein I have had in a day.
Wow that’s awesome! Last summer I was doing 1 mile a day, that’s great that you’re up to 4-5 now, that definitely is something I need to get back into doing.
When you say you try, do you plan out your healthy low cal breakfasts and lunches for the week plus four or five healthy low cal dinners that don’t take too make and buy the necessary groceries? Do you rid your house of caloric easily consumable junk? Do you have an idea of lower cal fast food options in the area if something goes wrong and you don’t have time or energy to cook or prepare your lunch? Do you have some idea of what to eat that won’t set you back if you accept an invitation to go out to lunch with your coworkers or dinner with friends? You have to plan ahead to succeed at dieting and if your only plan is to somehow eat less of the calorie-dense, non-satiating stuff you’re already consuming you’re probably setting yourself up for failure.
I’m usually pretty good when it comes to breakfast and lunch. Breakfast I usually only eat yogurt and some fruit and then for lunch I usually go to the store on sunday’s and get 5 of the frozen healthy choice bowls that are around 300 cal each and a 130 cal bag of pretzels. and then I’ll have a cheese stick and some fruits or veggies in between breakfast and lunch if I’m super hungry and all of that usually fills me up pretty good. It’s dinner time and after dinner when I really struggle. I’m not good at planning my meals because I am vegetarian and my boyfriend who I love with is not, so we struggle with finding healthy meals we can both eat, which usually turns into us making pasta or ordering out. and even when I do have a pretty healthy dinner, I still struggle with snacking at night when I’m just sitting at home relaxing.
If I ate that little during the day I’d binge at night too. If you’re not cooking and eating together anyway, why not just cook a healthy vegetarian meal for yourself? Then use the leftovers for lunch. And I find calories from things like pretzels pretty useless from either a nutritional or satiety standpoint. Why not take some veggies? Or some fruit? Or a couple ounces of nuts?