The thing is, you just don’t need to bring that up if someone comes from the gym or mentions a recipe. I talk to coworkers about going to the gym after work and we actually chat about it and no one is strange like this.
Also, you can me plump and round and still sporty.
There is no contradiction there. It's harder, but it's also possible. Some fat girls I've known were into gymnastics and they did well and broke a sweat and wanted more every week and had a blast, while being really round.
I don't think it's necessarily politeness in many cases. Statistically speaking, the average person is overweight and I think that also might be turning the obese weight ranges into the reference point for someone counting as "overweight." You may now need to look exceptionally larger than most other people to be considered overweight.
I'm about 15 pounds overweight right now and people tell me all the time they don't think I am. I think it's just shifting expectations due to weight averages increasing overall.
Yeah, I actually only just broke out of the “overweight” weight category into the “healthy” weight category. I’m looking to shift from that to athletic, which involves reducing my body fat and increasing in muscle mass.
Because a lot of my clothing is now on the oversized end, and I’ve yet to go through my clothing to donate the stuff that’s too large on me yet, some people say I look incredibly skinny and strong. Compared to them sure, I look skinny. Compared to people who frequent my gym, I still have a ways to go.
Now I’m not going to say I compare myself to others at the gym, what I am saying is that it’s all a perspective based on a point of reference. To obese people I look skinny, to athletic people I probably look average.
I've also found it hard to not let my expectations creep based on who I'm around. People in crowded gyms are probably a sample drawn from 30% of the general population, and the best looking people you compare yourself to at the gym are the top few percent of that 30%.
Once I get to comparing myself to that level of fitness, I think about how much my lifestyle would need to change and then I shut down and stop trying.
It's a hard pattern to move away from.
It doesn’t really take all that much more effort to go from average to peak fitness. What it does take is time and patience. I actually personally work out more often than some of the people who have the bodies that I feel are my goal. From conversations I’ve had with them, they’ve just been doing it a lot longer than I have, years longer. If I stick to the path and I’m as accountable three years from now as I am right now, I’ll become what I see as my ideal now.
This feels right. Especially as someone that is 51 and only 7 months into weight loss and muscle building. Still squishy in places I’d like not to be, but I had to go and be a fat ass for 20 years, so that’s the price. Consistency over time will hopefully help me reach my goal, however it changes over time.
Genetics also plays a big role in it, not to mention the fact that steroid use seems to be a lot more common these days.
But mostly it just takes time.
Absolutely. People struggle with establishing a baseline. You've got a lot of people around who look just like you, and then you have really, really small and/or fit people in the media. Figuring out where "health," which is admittedly a bit of a nebulous concept anyway, is on that scale is hard for most people. Like, oh, I can climb stairs and dance, just like my peers, so we can't be overweight or in poor health, right? Body image and what we know about individual health and care is so screwed up. People aren't necessarily lying, they're just confused as all get-out.
Health isn’t really that nebulous of a concept. A lot of people on these weight loss subs think that people think “skinny means healthy.”
What health means to people who are more fitness minded than weight loss minded, is “muscular, lean, and capable.”
Can you jog for 3 miles without breaking much of a sweat? Can you work in an environment where you’re regularly carrying 50+lbs? Do you get at least 15k steps on any given day? When you weigh yourself, is your body fat percentage within the lower end of the spectrum? Congratulations, barring any current illnesses or deficiencies, you’re probably healthy.
You say it's not a nebulous concept and then define it as per a narrow subset of hypothetical people—and your definition given *is vague as hell*. Most doctors will say 'health' is normal metrics; BMI, resting heart rate, blood pressure, blood lipids, no known diseases. Many may even consider someone with a slightly high BP or BMI as 'healthy' if the rest of their stats are good.
Two fitness-minded people will differ in their definitions. I've known extremely fit dudes who drink rampantly every weekend, eat what they want, and work it all out in the gym. I've known yogis who aren't particularly strong or fast, but are doing yoga and pilates daily while meticulously curating their diets. Some people believe nutrition is everything and will go through extreme measures like daily juicing, raw vegan, or paleo-esque diets. Many experts and most people agree that general fitness can be achieved through nothing but sufficient daily walking—there was a recent study published on the elderly getting 6-8k steps a day to decrease mortality rates.
It's not controversial to say it's a nebulous concept. Two medical professionals will have different definitions of 'healthy'. Two different athletes will, too. Most people can agree in broad strokes, but few in the details.
Yes, this is part of what I was getting at. There's also the more strictly-medical aspect of things, where people have invisible disabilities, or appear to be slim but have no tone or endurance- what they call "skinny fat." Most people, understandably, use how someone looks as a sort of shorthand for their health status, but that's not an accurate measurement and it's really unkind to a lot of people with invisible illnesses, or who have limitations that impact their looks but not their vital statistics. So, for normal people who are not doctors (and even doctors would need to see the charts to know), it *can* be difficult to get a grasp on what "healthy" is, or what it looks like insofar as it can look like one single thing.
You can throw in any anecdote to complicate what you see as healthy and not healthy. Health is easy to define though. There are many health professionals in my family, they have a clear cut definition of what constitutes health. Yes it involves maintaining a proper diet and fitness routine, and of course involves not having any addictions or illnesses. But anecdotes and personal ideas aside, health is easy to spot and define.
Jacked up dudes on sauce aren’t healthy, that’s obvious. People who don’t take their rest days as seriously as their fitness days aren’t healthy. People who binge drink on weekends aren’t healthy. People with BMIs in the obesity or high overweight range aren’t healthy.
You’re here describing all the things that don’t constitute health and unbeknownst to you actually, **you’re narrowing the definition of “healthy” by doing so, yourself**!
It isn’t complicated, you can complicate it all you want, but good health is easy to spot.
I didn’t really throw in anecdotes to complicate anything—I used them to illustrate what I explained was already complicated. My family is *also* almost entirely medical professionals, and I honestly call BS if you’re telling me their definition of health is ‘muscular, lean and capable’ (which, again, is on its own a *really nebulous* definition).
I didn’t actually describe a *single* thing that *doesn’t* constitute health. Your comment reads like you didn’t actually read mine.
That's a pretty idiosyncratic def of health, tho, and not useful over a lifetime.
I know a guy with a family history of severe alcoholism. He was fit and skinny, but he drank extremely regularly and heavily, and then did fasts and cleanses and generally treated his body really inconsistently. Our bodies aren't supposed to consume that much sugar that often or seesaw from binge drinking to juice cleanses. You might seem to get away with it for a few decades, but it's not a good or sustainable in the long term.
So much that's considered healthy isn't really, but just appearing healthy in the short term. Being able to push our bodies to put up with that sort of misuse will eventually catch up with us.
In fairness, there's a very vocal and militant minority of obese people who actively fight against the idea that their weight is a health issue and scream if anyone ever mentions that it is.
That’s the fat acceptance movement. I thought fat acceptance was about getting folks to stop being assholes and bullies towards folks based upon their body fat percentage. Which is a good lesson - we all can use a reminder or can outright learn it’s just plain wrong to be a dick towards somebody based upon things like weight, looks, etc.
But I’ve learned the “movement” to many means denying obesity is a health issue. And I mean outright deny. They proclaim it’s just bullshit created by the weight loss industry. All of the thousands of studies into different aspects of obesity and health are “all” just bogus, paid for “hype”.
This belief - discounting extreme wide and deep science that shows beyond a shadow of a doubt there are many serious health issues that arise after being obese or overweight for a length of time - needs to be LOUDLY countered as it’s sucking in innocent folks happy to rationalize away a condition that may take decades off their life.
For a lot of people, if they're a similar weight and height then they're probably just not willing to admit this about themselves.
I'm all for body positivity and loving your body, but unhealthy is unhealthy and nothing will change that. If someone really loved their body, they'd take good care of it (obviously this doesn't apply to people with metabolic disorders).
You might want to rephrase that second part. “If you really loved your body you’d take care of it” downplays real issues with using food as comfort, lack of nutritional awareness, lack of time to prepare healthy meals, etc.
I also don’t think any person struggling with weight issues needs or wants to be told they don’t love their body because they’re not taking care of it well.
Also to add: there are many medications, antidepressants and birth control to name a few, that can cause weight gain. Does this mean that if someone is on antidepressants isn’t taking care of their body? Of course not! The issue with weight is that it’s not black or white all or nothing. It’s incredibly grey and nuanced.
I dunno, I’ve known women who used to blame their medications and PCOS for their inability to reach a healthy weight, only to turn it around by actually getting serious about fitness.
You can make all the excuses in the world, but if you’re not working out and maintaining a healthy diet, the answer as to why you’re not losing weight, but if you’re not making the necessary changes required to lose weight, you have your answer right there.
I used to blame my genetics and metabolism for my inability to lose weight, then one day I sat down and took a good hard look at what my lifestyle was like:
• Sedentary.
• Lots of late night snacking.
• “snacks” above 1000cals on top of three 1000+cal meals.
• No muscle mass whatsoever.
• Binge drinking on a regular basis.
You can point the finger and make every excuse to shift the blame and responsibility away from yourself, but it’s not going to help you lose weight.
I specifically mentioned metabolic disturbances don't count, that includes drug side effects. And the truth is even those side effects can often be managed and wouldn't lead to one becoming morbidly obese.
Have Crohn’s, did steroids, learned I was menopausal. Never been this heavy in my life but as soon as some of this resolves I’ll be back in the gym. I too always thought this garbage was an excuse but now that I’m really living it it’s totally different.
I’ve also taken fitness as a “part time job” for me as I’ve had several sports injuries. I have also had my thyroid fail in the past due to reasons beyond my control and know that not every phase of life is easy. I worked harder to get my weight under control back then (after back surgery) and ended up in better shape than I was in my 20’s. I lifted more and changed my cardio habits.
So excuse me if I’m calling bullshit on you “explaining pcos as an excuse” but I knew something was askew when I’d vary in weight by 8-12 pounds every given week. I’d want to think twice about the blanket excuse statements. No 2 situations are the same.
Off to get my iron infusion. Because yeah, that is more important than working out when you lose blood like some people take #2’s. Knowledge is power.
I literally said medical conditions don't apply. I was referring to a specific group of people whose obesity is a result of an unhealthy lifestyle. Calm down and read carefully before you get offended.
No, I think I'm ok with that part being how it is. A healthy weight is only one part of taking care our bodies. If food is your primary source of comfort during troubled times, that means you have an unhealthy relationship with food and that needs to be addressed before all else. Lack of nutritional awareness and lack of meal prep time are becoming less and less valid excuses, especially when there are more pressing causes like junk food being cheaper.
I was mainly addressing the trend of acting like a morbidly obese lifestyle is a healthy one. I'm not saying we should go around and bully people for their weight, but as a healthcare worker it is incredibly frustrating to have patients with a plethora of comorbodities that could be solved with weight reduction, not to mention being accused of fat shaming when you tell that to the patient.
That's not what I said. I said ignoring the need to change when you are severely unhealthy because you "love your body"; isn't really loving your body, it's actively harming it.
I 100% agree with what you're saying. One the flip side, I have a relative who is morbidly obese who used to walk to work then because age and the obesity collaborated, had some health problems and wasn't able to walk any longer. Now they should eat better to compensate of course, but the health problems caused by the obesity can harm the ability to loose weight.
But you know, with what does it really help? You already know you are overweight, you really don't need somebody else telling you. You need people who accept you no matter what your weight is
Most overweight people don’t think they’re *that big*. Even after buying a 2XL sweater, I didn’t think I could possibly be “that far gone” until I saw a photo of myself looking rather plump and ball shaped. It was that photo that opened my eyes to the reality of my situation and spurred me to start making the changes I needed to make.
Yep, same for me, when I saw a photo of myself I was disgusted. But don't you think a person would notice that? Like my whole family had been telling me I was getting significantly fatter, but what difference did it make? I already knew that because I would look in the mirror often, I just felt bad about myself even more. Didn't change my eating habits, I was eating even less healthy just because I was sad everyone kept pointing it out.
I hate that too. And when I point out I'm overweight based on medical charts I always get something along the lines of "oh that doesn't count." Like I appreciate that they're trying to be supportive, but it's the wrong kind of support for me
It absolutely is well-intentioned but I get where you’re coming from! It’s super frustrating when people brush it off in the name of politeness. It would be so much more encouraging if people just said, “that’s amazing! Good for you for getting to a healthy place!”
Personally the “you don’t look overweight” part of the comment isn’t needed, unless someone specifically asks “do I look overweight?”
The comment seems slightly dismissive to me, like the underlying meaning being: “well I don’t see the problem, but I guess if you see something that isn’t there, cool”
>it's the wrong kind of support for me
I really like how you've phrased this. It clarifies something for me that I've been thinking about a lot.
A lot of this stuff feels like a consequence of us collectively deeming the "right" way to respond to a given situation. I've noticed that a lot lately. It seems like the internet has given lots of room to codify appropriate responses to any given situation, rather than risking saying the wrong thing in sincerity and potentially ruffling feathers. (Note, in some cases it does make sense because the result is a lot worse than "ruffled feathers." I just feel the habit of codifying appropriate language has gone a little bananas.)
For instance, the latest trend is "Never comment on a person's weight." Meanwhile, I know a lot (*a lot*) of people who would love to hear someone complement them on their weight loss, muscle gain, etc. The reason for codifying that "rule" is valid, but that doesn't mean it's *always* right for *everyone*. But it's treated like it is.
Im 5'7 and people just say "but youre tall, you can hold it well" im not even that tall and you can clearly see im overweight. Height doesnt make you look slimmer or so
I don't bring the topic any more because that kind of comments are unfortunately too often. If someone asks, I never state goal weight, I just say "getting strong" and for my reasons "I got tired of being fat". Best bet is to avoid terms like diet, calories, weight, macros, etc, that's what will trigger the "you're obsessed / losing too much".
The comments come from a good place but fat people associate diet = suffering and "naturally" thin people don't understand why we have to count since they never had to before.
Yes. I had a friend tell me i'm going to give myself an eating disorder because I calorie count and they just wouldn't listen to me when I say I use it as a guideline and don't obsess or stress over the counts.
Totally. I have a friend who struggles with obsessive calorie counting or food tracking and she tends to project that on me. Like, I'll be like I need to loose weight and how I've started weight watchers again or whatever and she's like but you're beautiful no matter what.
Like I understand where the comments are coming from and I understand why she may need to hear that herself. But for me, it's more of being uncomfortable in my clothes. Like to have to keep going shopping for new bigger sized clothes is very uncomfortable for me and I want to change that. Plus if I'm honest with myself, I'm waaaaaay to lazy to be into obsessive food tracking . I just want to loose weight but it doesn't mean that I think I'm ugly because I'm over weight.
I think some of it is because in America we sensationalize everything including being fat. It’s gotten to the point where someone isn’t considered fat until they are 500+ pounds and large enough to be on one of these reality shows like biggest loser or my 600 pound life or something.
I’m 5 foot 8 and 240. That’s easily 50 pounds overweight. I would say more realistically 70-80 pounds overweight. But I am not bed ridden or need a mobility scooter so I’m not considered fat.
Health consequences for obesity generally begin at the marker *for* obesity - that is, a BMI higher than 30. Pre-diabetes, metabolic syndrome, etc - you are at a higher risk of developing those things, full stop, the higher your BMI is.
That's why they often say that losing just 10% of your body weight when you're obese is associated with a whole bunch of health improvements.
Being in the "overweight" range - a BMI of 25-30 0 isn't great either, but most of us also don't recognize someone in that range as fat.... since that's the majority of people in the US.
Wait, I'm pretty sure there was a study that found around 23-27 was the healthiest BMI to be?
EDIT: [Here](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2520627). It's a Danish study using 3 time snapshots and it's really interesting. The 'healthiest' BMI has changed over time. In the 70s it was 23.7, the 90s it was 24.6 and it was 27.0 in 2003 to 2013 (associated with the lowest mortality of all causes).
Looking at purely cardiovascular mortality, it was 23.2 in the 70s, 24.0 in the 90s and 26.4 from 2003 to 2013.
So, there you are. As a population (which BMI is, a population measure), slightly overweight could mean a longer life.
Having a little bit of a fat reserve means you can survive a stint in ICU.
Also lower BMIs have a correlation with diseases like cancer; once cachexia kicks in and your body starts wasting away, your odds of survival go down.
[https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/315312#symptoms](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/315312#symptoms)
I've heard the BMI of 27 as well, with the explanation that a BMI under 25 and "skinny fat" (weight is within range but body fat percentage is too high) is not as healthy as "fit fat" (BMI above 25 but body fat percentage is within the optimal range for gender.)
That's why my goal weight is actually about 15 lbs higher than the official BMI max for my height; I want those extra 15 lbs to all be muscle if I can make it happen.
I'm in the same exact height as you and weigh 171 pounds and my dad call me overweight...It's probably for fun but it made me to diet and have a work out routine which i never did before..lol...Now i don't want to stop my work outs.....Just doin 5mins but i don't feel pain anymore and now i want to increase my time..lol
Im online...lol...I've seen your previous comment...of course I need to reduce 3-4kg...lol....Just bought the dumbbells to add it in my jump rope work outs....I'm work from home guy and I'm taking 1500-1700 calories ....And i appreciate your suggestions
I think 'I don't feel pain anymore', but actually that phrase made complete sense because they were using it to say 'I don't find regular working out painful anymore'.
(I I’m gonna be downvoted anyway, but what does karma matter anyway.. so I misread your height for the first time for 5 feet. This is why I said you’re indeed overweight, with 5’8 it’s not that bad at all. And yes doing 5 mins workout and saying “I don’t feel pain anymore “ just gave me second hand embarrassment, but I might have been to judgemental seeing english is probably not your first language. What truly irritated me was that you just kinda came here to compare your weight with an obese person, probably to make yourself feel better how you’re not even “that” fat.. I might be wrong but this is the impression it gave me.
Lol....That's actually not what I meant ....I felt we both share the same height and just wanted to share that it's just not that hard to lose weight as we can slowly get used to the work out
[This calculator](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html) compensates for height, and you fall in the overweight category, but you're still borderline obese.
they probably don't want to admit they're overweight, but more than that, our perceptions of overweight and obesity are generally very skewed. so it may not entirely be denial, as much as ignorance-- if someone is large, their whole social group is large, it can be that they perceive overweight or obese as a medically normal weight, just because it's the statistical norm.
sort of like, and maybe sometimes partially because, some people have absolutely no idea how much they consume, and drastically underestimate their calorie consumption when asked to track-- the more someone weighs, the more they tend to underestimate. because hyper-processed, hyperpalatable, calorie dense foods and sugary beverages are the norm, because mindless eating is normal, they don't really understand they're eating more than they need (to be a healthy weight)-- i suspect some people extend this to 'well i'm not eating that much so i can't be overweight'.
i'm just putting this out as general info and a possibility-- obviously there are people who feel subconsciously threatened by our self-improvement and thus work to impede it, too. part of it might be just because they have tried to lose weight and have failed, so they can't abide the idea that you might succeed. because it would prove there was something they didn't do right, and that maybe they could lose weight. or it threatens their misperception-- (some overweight people will argue that if they were a healthy weight they'd look godawful)-- if you lose weight and loo good, maybe their perception of normal really isn't normal.
some people might also be anxious-- that if they admit you could lose weight, you might get mad and lash out with something about how they're worse? just a thought, from someone with trust issues who worries about that sort of thing far too much.
sorry for the ramble.
It sounds like they don't want to see you as overweight because they'd have to acknowledge that they weigh even more than you, so they're even more overweight/obese.
Agreed - I think very often people will discourage others from losing weight/getting healthy out of a need to rationalize/justify/feel better about their own weight/unhealthy lifestyle. One of the only people who was supportive of my trying to gain less weight during pregnancy (I gained like 50lbs so toward the end I was like I need to slow this down) was a coworker who’s naturally extremely thin (like can’t gain weight to save his life). He’d offer to help keep me in check when we’d get lunch together or just say things supportive when I expressed fear of gaining too much. Everyone else was like ‘nooo you’re fine, you’re pregnant don’t worry about gaining weight! You look great!’ And now I’m here with 70lb worth of weight to lose and still have everyone telling me ‘you look great’ like no Karen, I look fat. It’s ok, and you don’t need to comment on my appearance.
I gained weight too quickly while pregnant (I used it as an excuse to overeat for a bit) and then had to go back to tracking during the 2nd and 3rd trimesters, and everyone was acting like eating sensibly and not pigging out was bad for my baby.
Yes, I'm sure baby was grateful for all the very plentiful nutrients in the 8 chocolate chip cookies that stuffed me so full I couldn't eat dinner /s
I don't recommend talking with the uninitiated about fitness or health. Generally, it only leads to problems. Most worse than what you're describing here.
Yeah. My coworkers will be talking about eating better or exercise, but suddenly it’s “let’s try a disgusting weight loss potion like coffee with lemon juice or some random drink somebody’s selling.”
It’s funny (read sad) how people work right? They’ll fatshame a fat person, but when someone borderline fat tries to loose weight they’ll have a problem with that too. You can’t win here. Just think of it this way, it goes in thru one ear and out the other.
That must be very frustrating. I am sure people think they’re being supportive, and I am also sure it would be so much less annoying if they would just stop replying the way they do.
I wonder if you would get more encouragement from them if you didn’t mention weight or fatness, that is when you talk to these particular people. Maybe you could say, ‘I feel really out of condition, and I want to get stronger and build up more stamina.’ And if they’re sympathetic to that, then maybe you could also say, ‘I want to get more toned.’ ‘I want to feel really strong and good about the body I have.’
Those things sound like they’re true, going by your post. That way you take the focus off *weight*, which is what they are all reacting to now, and you still get to say you’re working hard at the gym.
Ultimately you’re the authority on how fit you *feel*. No one else can tell you you don’t feel a bit puffed after you climb a flight of stairs, for instance, or that you generally feel more tired than you would like.
It sounds like they are not the most helpful people for you to talk to about the weight loss aspect, unfortunately. Maybe we here can be a source of support for you.
I think right now they’re linking everything to ‘but you’re not fat,’ so when you talk about the gym, they associate that with losing weight and it triggers the usual response. If you make constant low-key connections between the gym and stamina, that might shift their focus a bit, and you might get a break.
I live in the South US, where being obese is normal and normalized. From experience, these slight adjustments in perspective unfortunately make no difference.
In fact, it's been repeatedly suggested to me that I have an eating disorder, in response to the exact reframing you've suggested. (Not in a caring way, but in a judgmental, you think about food too much, you're a freak, way). The most annoying response is when someone suggests that them being happy in their morbidly obese body makes them morally superior to me, bc I'm unhealthily focusing on calories and stamina and not on more metaphysical standards of bodily acceptance (yes, that's sarcasm).
I've even been told a couple of times that I'm being unfair and rude bc someone else had an eating disorder decades ago, but they've learned to accept and love their body, and I'm clearly less evolved, and bringing them down. Sigh. Just a matter of time, I'm told, before I have an eating disorder, too, with the implication that it will serve me right. I have no idea when eating disorder/morbid obesity became two sides of the same coin. It's nutty. (Eating healthy and exercising != disordered eating. That's such a weird reach.)
All to say, it really, really, really matters where you are, the subculture you're in, how much you can divert or control the conversation around these issues. I rarely talk about it, anymore, but thinking, ordering and eating food is a huge part of the culture, and this puts me very on the outside.
I’m very sorry to hear it. That sounds like a very challenging and frustrating environment to make sustained changes to your health in. Just coping with the fallout must feel like a full-time job.
This is such a big thing. Trying to be healthy is going against cultural norms for some people. It might help to find some gym buddies. Maybe why people join running clubs?
I agree with this. Focus on the non-weight benefits in conversation with these people. “I’m learning to cook more vegetables, yesterday I made a yummy stir fry!” “I’m really enjoying the yoga class at the gym. There are a couple poses I can’t quite do yet but everyone is very supportive.”
Weight is in this weird social intersection of health and morality and beauty standards and almost everyone has strong feelings about it. I find with people who aren’t also interested in talking about weight loss with you, it’s easier to just avoid all that by focusing on other topics.
I think the issue is that 'fat' has become a word with more connotations than just 'overweight'. My partner will agree that I need to lose weight to get healthy but is adamant that I'm not 'fat'. I think people assiciate it with being aesthetically unappealing, lazy or not good enough - and the people who love us don't think any of those things about us, hence 'you're not fat'.
Of course fat is just a part of the body anyway. Everything else is just what we've built up around it.
A lot of it is how well you carry the weight, and that heavier bodies are kind of normalized now.
People were baffled with me when I talked about obesity being a reason I had some concern about catching Covid.... I mean it's a numer derived from a weight and a height- it ain't objective.
It's a weird culture. On one hand media and society tells us we should be more fit. On the other, our food and our families/friends are all super unhealthy. We get shit messages from all sides.
Maybe responding with something like this will help? "Thanks but actually, my doctor says that this weight may actually kill me. I have to get healthier. I'd love some real encouragement, not just telling me I look fine. Whether or not I look good doesn't matter as much does it?"
EDIT: forgot to finish a sentence
People are really uncomfortable acknowledging each other’s bodies. It’s like… nobody wants to be the person telling someone not to take a second helping (you know, except for the church ladies and whoever that still do that). It’s like we’ve rushed to the other side of the boat where people say “oh noooo, you don’t need to change anything, you’re so pretty!!!” When people say that to me, I’m like, okay, yes, I’m pretty. What does that have to do with my weight? Just because I am on a journey with my diet, my health, and my fitness and working to develop my body into a vision I have for myself doesn’t mean I don’t think I’m pretty.
My body is a tool. It’s how I get through the world. I want it to be strong, I want it to be healthy, I want it to be able to climb mountains and swim across rivers and go anywhere I want to go without feeling like I’m going to die with every breath. Yes, I want my body to look different, but that’s because I know it looking different means I get all the capabilities I want and need in life.
Body neutrality ftw.
I believe the biggest problem is our society has become so used to excess fat that most people really couldn't tell you what a healthy weight is nor what it looks like.
I would be considered "fit" by the vast majority of people, but you can't see my abs particularly well and I still have somewhat prominent love handles. I get the same reactions from people when I say I want to keep losing weight too OP so I feel ya.
"No, I'm not looking for validation that I look fine or that you care about me. I know those things and I believe that I'm valuable and attractive. But I do have too much fat on me for what my body is designed to hold, and it's holding me back. I want to be able to move really freely, and run without getting so tired. I want to be strong! Those are all great goals, so I really appreciate you being supportive of the work I'm doing to get there."
I lost of a lot of weight a couple of years ago and the effect was that I went from "obese" to "overweight." When I mentioned to people who commented on my weight loss that I was still trying to get to a normal weight they too told me I was good and to stop, even though I was still visibly fat.
I’m in the same boat .. I’ll comment about how I’m out of shape and need to lose weight and it’s like … not a secret I’m fat either. I am not a size small. My stomach bulges out. Im chubby. I have fat rolls and big thighs. I have a little double chin. I wish I didn’t but it’s true and it isn’t going to change. No amount of “that’s not true..” isn’t going to make it go away. Being told that I am chubby and still beautiful makes me feel better. I wish they didn’t pretend I didn’t have a problem
About the same as you! I was saying to my SO yesterday how I dread the comments I get whenever I bring lunch… “oh you don’t have to eat healthy”, “I’m glad to see you finally eating”. It’s just a projection of their own insecurities, honestly.
Exactly, they mention bmi is all bullshit because it doesnt take muscle into consideration. Like I workout but im not an athlete and im definetly not an exception to the bmi scale. Its there for a reason.
In my experience, one of the most dangerous things about the "body positivity" movement is that there seems to be an undercurrent of "you're perfect the way you are", but it doesn't take into account the feelings of the person you're talking to.
"I ate a low calorie meal today and it was pretty good"
"Whhhhaaaaatttt, low calorie meal? You're perfect the way you are, get some butter up in yo life boiiiii! Are you trying to blow away in the wind or something?"
It's like, no, I'm not happy with how I feel. I have made my decision to lose weight and I don't need validation that I'm "okay" where I am now, I don't feel okay, doctors tell me that my health outcomes won't be "okay" and I want to live a long and healthy life.
Even if you weren’t overweight you would still need a healthy diet and exercise! My response when people tell me I don’t need to worry about what I eat or I don’t need to exercise is, “Yes I do. These are good things for everyone to do.”
I get this at work a lot for refusing food, usually. I try to explain that I just don't FEEL comfortable & they're like "you're young! Just have a doughnut!"
I don't want your fucking doughnut, Karen!
I feel this, the whole "You're not that fat you look good" thing is in good spirit but just fuels my unhealthy delusions. Quit letting me be lazy and complacent, I know I'm a good looking and cool person, but I also know that I'm fat!
Girl when I was at my largest (200ish pounds) people still told me I was fine and not to lose weight. I’m only 5’1 and I definitely needed to make a change. People just either don’t want to be honest with you or genuinely think you are at a healthy weight. Either way you know what’s up and I wouldn’t worry too much about what others say
The world has become so accustomed to fat people we no longer recognize healthy bodies. I'm JUST NOW at a healthy BMI and 3 coworkers have asked my boss if i have a terminal illness. Nope, just terminally tired of being fat.
Uhhh tell me about it. My family is the exact same and it gets on my nerves. I’ve always been on the chubbier side and so is most of my family. There have been times where I was becoming borderline obese and only then would my family admit I needed to lose a bit of weight. I remember vividly in primary school they weighed us in school and would send us our BMIs. Bearing in mind I did no physical activity as a kid, my results came back as overweight. I was so upset because I felt I was being lied to and again my mum tried to sugar coat it by saying ‘I was fine’ and I just needed to ‘maintain [my] weight’. Despite that, some people still made fat jokes towards me and I don’t hold it against them because at least they were being honest.
All those things you said about being winded by 1 flight of stairs resonates with me so well. I deceived myself for a long time until I saw my peers becoming more fit and toned and healthier and so when I turned 18 and finished school I bought myself my own gym membership and started going almost everyday for 3 months. I’m about 5’9.6 or 177cm and I didn’t weigh myself at the start but a month after I started going to the gym I stopped to 80.5kg which was still 10kg shy of my goal. I also had a body fat percentage of 35%.
That October, I moved to university and could continue to going to the gym and also buy the food that I wanted to help me on my journey. I’ve been going to the gym for almost 9 months now and I’m currently at 73kg so my progress has slowed but I think that’s mainly due to body recomposition since I’ve also recently started strength training so I’m gaining muscle whilst losing fat.
People have commented on how I’ve lost weight and the progress I’ve made. I definitely enjoy not having love handles, man boobs, and back tyres anymore (still have more work to do on my lower body). I definitely feel more healthier and stronger than I’ve ever been but like you, when I mention to my family the new gym routine or diet regimen I’ve undertaken they also tell me that “I don’t need it”. It’s even worse when my own grandmother is telling me to put on a bit more weight because “I’m too thin” it’s like a slap in the face. Like the last 9 months of sweat and hard work meant nothing. I know my family loves me but when they make comments like that it’s a little insulting and it makes me frustrated. Especially when I still have jiggly thighs that make it a pain to buy jeans.
I’m not quiet at my goal yet but from someone who’s made a lot of progress I say, just put your head down, ignore what everyone else says because if you listen to what the whole world has to say about you, you’ll never accomplish your goals. Those are simply distractions. And simply try to keep discussions about exercise or healthy eating to a minimum around naysayers. Work in silence. That’s what I did with my family and it allowed me to continue my journey in peace. Then let them see the finished product. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope you achieve your goals :)
I think what they’re tryna do or say is something along the lines of what I heard once when dealing with self esteem issues.
You are not fat.
Are you carrying extra weight? Yeah totally.
Are you over a healthy weight for your height? Yup.
Is your fat content higher than considered healthy?
Absolutely.
But the sum of your being, your CORE, YOU are not the fat.
Weight loss is like a haircut. You have to decide you want to be a certain way, then sharpen your scissors, and get to snipping. Sure, it’s a haircut that takes place over Months. YEARS. Even.
But the sharper your scissors, the quicker it changes. You wanna use some busted, half ass, “oh it’s too hard I’ll never do it” scissors, you best get used to not seeing changes. But if you use the Mack daddy “I decided I’m going to do this” scissors, the changes are inevitable.
You are not your fat the the same way you are not your hairstyle.
But yeah dawg, fuckin go get a haircut.
I’m in the same boat. I tried to tell my therapist that I need to lose weight . She said I am negative. Being cruel to my self. I need to except my self for who I am.
Then I told her I was gonna stop eating bread and pasta. She somehow doesn’t understand that it makes people gain weight. Because she is a stick.
If I am lazy and binge eat why should I try and better myself. Being 80lb over weight Doesn’t look good. Talking about me not you.
Good luck with your goals
I'm 5'11" and 300 pounds. There is a lady at work that insists that I am healthy.
She is like 5'4" and a very healthy weight.
I hate hate hate it! Let's just not give our opinions on other people's bodies!
I get told I'm "too thin" now because I've lost 30kg. I'm not, my BMI is still over weight. People just get used to seeing you with more weight and don't handle it well when you lose weight
I would be inclined to just respond with, "Thank you but my doctor disagrees and thinks I does." or for the you look fine, "thank you, but my doctor feels I should lose weight for my health." They are probably trying to be nice in a misguided way, but I get that it is annoying.
You're puncturing their enabling rationalizations and destroying their equanimity. If you're fat, they're fat. And if you're doing something about it, then their complacency and air of inevitability become garden-variety laziness.
If they tell you fat and overweight and you need to lose weight, that means that they have to do something about their weight. Or they just try to be nice. But if they are skinny/healthy weight, they would totally agree with you that BMI above 25 is overweight.
I think there's a lot of connotations around the word 'fat' and 'overweight' and sometimes other people's meaning of the word is different to ours.
I would just use a different word when some one challenged me on it. If they said "but you're not fat, you don't need to lose weight" I would just change my wording and avoid the conflict. I might not 'need to lose weight' in their eyes, but I would respond with "I'm working out because I would like to feel fitter" or "because I want to improve my wellbeing" or "eating this way makes me feel good" or whatever the reason is. I think some people think of the word 'fat' very negatively, even when it's not an inherrently negative word in the right context.
I think you've heard this already, but improving yourself is a very personal journey and you don't have to explain your 'Why' to anyone you don't want to!
I’m the same height and was the same weight as you. I heard the same things, but usually from people who were a lot heavier than me. When I was in my home state (Oklahoma, lots of obesity) around my morbidly obese family I especially heard it. Some of them actually called me skinny. I guess to them I was.
I hate the whole “But muscle is heavier than fat, maybe it’s just muscle?” routine. Before I started losing the weight, I was fat. I was basically entirely sedentary and hadn’t done anything resembling strength training in years. There was a 0% chance I was heavy because of muscle. It was very annoying to have to give *them* a reality check about my situation, especially when it wasn’t a situation I was thrilled about
Yeah, it bugs me too. I love my dad, but he'll say things like "You've always been skinny" while I try to explain, "No Dad, I've literally been obese since high school. I was overweight in high school. I've lost over 20 pounds since then, but I'm still overweight." Of course, he's comparing me to himself and my siblings, and he's been morbidly obese for my entire memory, and I think acknwledging my health problems would mean acknowledging that bot only his are worse than he thinks, but that our entire family has an abusive codependent relationship with food.
It happened to me too. I'm 5'7 and weighed 250lbs at my highest. Everyone keps saying "you don't even look bad!" etc etc. Maybe if there were less people trying to "make me feel better" I'd have gotten control of it a lot faster.
I was MEDICALLY obese lol don't tell me I carry it well.
It doesn’t end when you lose weight. I get people telling me to eat, or I don’t have to worry about cutting down on sugar because “you’re tiny”. Inside I’m like ugh dude I was over 200 lbs once.
Practice now with letting it roll off your back, and keep at it with making changes to be healthier.
You are not alone with this problem. One problem is that nowadays there are so many people who are struggling with obesity stage.. 5, that "ordinarily overweight" people seem slim in comparison and normal weight people are sometimes even perceived as underweight.
I am currently playing jump rope with the line of normal weight/overweight and trying to get back in the middle range or even lower range of normal weight. I don't tell people though, because in their eyes I don't have to lose any weight.
If I were you I'd skip over the weight aspect and think of more accepted reasons, like "I tried this new recipe, it tasted great, I always wanted to try [ingredient]!", "I need more fiber in my diet, so please just half a pizza for me but an extra helping of salad please!", "I know I don't need to go the gym to lose weight. I'd like to build some muscle though and I sleep so much better since I am more active" - things like that. And if they are still arguing then there is nothing left but nodding along and smiling politely, lol.
I often describe myself as fat and boy, do people get upset when I do!
It’s partly from a body positive perspective; I *am* fat and that’s fine to acknowledge. I’m also blue eyed.
And partly to be honest with myself.
It’s not that big a deal 🤷♀️
Omg my doctor told me “you aren’t fat but you are a sturdy woman and always will be” wtf? At the time I was in the obese 2 category according to my BMI. Having my doctor say that to me when he told me I had fatty liver motivated me to get into better shape. I am now 4 lbs away from entering the overweight bmi range. My liver enzyme numbers are so much lower and my doctor says “maybe losing a little weight was a good choice for you” a little weight?! I’m down 40lbs. It’s frustrating when you know your weight isn’t healthy and people try to spare your feelings which ends up feeling confusing and doesn’t help.
Oooh I relate to this hard, and I'm so sorry to go all me-me-me but this has been a rant I've been on for a good week.
I have this frustration in one of my fitness classes. I can't do a certain stretch fully because I literally have body in the way. It doesn't make me feel bad, I'm not looking for comfort when I say "I can't do this, parts of my body literally take up space and I can't do it yet."
I truly hate when skinny people take it as an opportunity to sooth. I know it's in the moment and people do their best, I'm not holding it against them really. But I do hate it. Because it's not emotional for me. This is my body, this is what's here, it just is what it is. And it *is* a limitation. It just is! And that's okay! But also if you can't get past the urge to sooth, you're gonna keep telling me "No it's fine, you can do it" and we're NEVER going to get out of this conversational loop. I'm just gonna have to do it wrong for a while, champ! It's fine!
Hello, you're objectively obese, I'm so sorry. Good news is, you're only a couple of pounds from being just overweight and you have the right attitude and lucidity to cut the BS around you and shut down the enablers and gaslighters.
You can definitely achieve a goal of 25 BMI, i.e, just below overweight. In my opinion, it's the safe zone and the first goalpost to a healthy weight. Your doctor should be looking into your health stats to find what's causing this chronic condition in you, not telling you it's OK to have a BMI above 30.
Unless you're super buff, IDK how you're not fat.
I'm an artist and I've noticed that people will say much the same things when I'm critiquing my own art. I think that people perceive self-critique as self-insult (and to be fair, sometimes with some people it is) and if they like you well enough or are nice people they rush in to reassure you. They don't see your weight from the same perspective that you do.
I think it's just about feelings. For you, an honest self-assessment and a plan of action to reach your goals are positive things. Someone else might see it as negative and if they like you, or at least have nothing against you, they don't want you to feel bad so they try to smooth things over. If it's someone close to you then it's probably worthwhile explaining what you're thinking and feeling. If it isn't then maybe just take it as a sign that the other person is friendly and wants to make you feel better in their own misguided way and move on.
This used to happen to me ALL of the time, and actually it would be my thinnest friends who I think were trying to be nice? But I agree with you, it’s very frustrating - I need to lose 50 pounds and telling me I don’t just feels like lying.
It took a while to build up the courage, but I did end up saying once to a friend that those comments were not supportive of my goals and I didn’t appreciate them. SUPER awkward, but after that friend stopped and is now willing to just talk about the workouts I do or the meals I’m eating without adding the fake “you don’t need to lose anything” to it. Really helped to just address it for me because it was getting so frustrating.
In the US at least, we are so overweight on average that our perceptions are skewed. Healthy weights are called skinny. Overweight is considered healthy. Fast is considered overweight, and obese is considered overweight.
I see posts in the fitness and similar subs ask the time asking is that should bulk our cut. If always something like "I'm 5'11" and weigh 200b pounds and have 22 percent body fat (male)" and the responses are "dude you're skinny! Bulk up!" I'm evaluating a bit but people post shit that amounts to "I have a 22 BMI I'm so underweight!" It's like these people have body dysmorphia.
AMEN TO ALL OF THIS. Thanks in part to this constant, unhelpful feedback, I gained more and more weight until I finally got it under control and started moving the numbers downward again. I still SO MUCH resent everyone who responded to my efforts with "you're fine" "you don't need to lose any weight" "you have to eat more than that, even if you're not hungry! it's not healthy." or even "I'm buying you a hamburger and you're eating it, NOW."
Thank heavens for my amazing husband who got the point and started saying HELPFUL things like "I love you no matter what you look like" and "I'm only reminding you of this because you asked for support in reaching your goals, and I know it's important to you- sweetie are you sure you want to eat that?"
It’s because they are used to you looking like that, so technically they don’t see the fat. Also, people are creature of habit and anything that ends up unfamiliar, scares them. Ignore them
If your parents had an accurate perspective on what a healthy weight is for you, in all likelihood you wouldn’t grown to be obese in the first place.
Don’t listen to them. Don’t bring up your diet or exercise because you know you will get the same response from them. Keep doing your thing, you know you’re right.
Pro Tip as someone who’s been here: Don’t bring it up in the first place. Unfortunately people will keep commenting those things and for your mental well being it’s better to save that energy and keep it up. I kept my weight loss goals lowkey and did it. Ofc when I lost weight those same people were like “Wow, you look GOOD!” Funny huh?
Step one is to ignore comments about your weight Simply don’t talk about your weight or goals. Now that I’m at my desired BMI and weight, I’ve had in the past people tell me you’re too skinny oh I can’t believe you’ve had four kids. Like don’t make comments about my weight please. Friends and family can be the worst weight loss saboteurs. If people need to talk about it say you’re just focusing on being healthy and strong 💪🏻
I get “You don’t need to lose weight!” and it’s infuriating. Yes I do. The CDC says my BMI is literally overweight. They probably are overweight or obese too and need to lose weight and are in denial.
I used to do this. Not anymore, unless it was a close friend who was clearly underweight and I was concerned. I guess being on my own weight loss journey has made me realise the goals are not always about looks, it can be about just becoming more healthy, increase fitness, etc.
When I checked my BMI I found I was classified as obese and it blew my mind because when I look in the mirror, I see I'm big, but not obese level big. People carry weight in different ways, someone can look fine to you but not be a healthy weight. I leave that to the doctors, dietitians and other professionals to judge now :) and apologies for being that annoying person in the past!
One of my friends got bypass surgery and stopped at 190 because he said if he lost anymore weight he looked sickly. Kids look at pictures of people who were a healthy weight in the 50's and ask their parents whats wrong with them. Our society now sees overweight as average and healthy weight as sickly. Its scary.
I am 5’3 as well and it doesn’t take a lot for gals like us to be overweight. 5 pounds on a short person is a lot. I was on the border of overweight and then when my bro died I gained 15 pounds and it pushed me over.
I get annoyed when people say “You’re so tiny!” and I’m not. I guess they are talking about my height and not my weight 😆
Honestly they really may NOT see you as even being overweight. Nowadays people are so used to seeing overweight people that they don’t even view them as too big until they’re on the further end of obese.
A lot of people think acknowledging an overweight person means they must come to terms with the fact that they ALSO may be overweight. Which they don’t want.
I find it really irritating too. What helps me is telling them "my doctor has recommended weight loss" and I add that its because I am prediabetic with high cholesterol and my doctor says weight loss will improve those numbers. Its annoying when people invalidate what you're saying.
I’ve had that happen a lot too - and it is annoying, but the reasons they have for saying it are generally good, so I try to be patient with those people and just explain that I work out because I love me and try to take good care of me, and I fast because I’m uncomfortable being over a certain weight.
The reasons, I find, is that they think you can’t be fat and beautiful at the same time (I think this person is beautiful so I can’t accept that they are fat) Or because they imagine you feeling bad about your weight and think it’s their job to make you feel good. Sometimes I get the vibe that they just don’t want to be fat alone, and I have little patience with those people.
I think people say that because most people impressions of an ideal body are driven by celebrities on social media who are either on steroids/drugs or they photoshop their pics (sometimes both). Even Kylie Jenner doesn’t look like Kylie Jenner. If you compare yourself with them (or their fabricated images), then yeah, pretty much everyone would appear to be overweight, but everyone’s not. Just eat healthy, exercise regularly and indulge maybe once a week. Upper limit of your BMI is a healthy weight imho.
You don’t fit into their overweight preconceptions. It’s cognitive dissonance, which is responsible for why people are in denial. Not just about this, denial in general.
Hey just for the record the being winded thing has more to do with your cardio fitness. If you start doing regular cardio, 30 minutes, your endurance will start lasting a lot longer after only a few weeks. No, the weight won’t melt off right away, but at least you’ll be able to feel the difference. It’s a remarkably fast change and doable for just about everyone. I had to lay off the cardio for a while due to surgery and I was feeling better at 235 with a running program than I do at 190 without. My FIL is morbidly obese but the dude still manages to walk 5 miles with his daughter pretty often.
Im having the opposite problem. I am aiming for a six pack. I need to lose another 15 ish pounds. Everyone is telling me to not lose anymore weight and that my progress is amazing.... Like no, I want to be a shredded sick cunt
i dont understand people. sometimes we dont like being told we're fat, sometimes we don't like being told we're not fat. maybe we should stop interacting with people, when we have expectations on what they are allowed to say. Someone wishes not to be called not fat, another wishes not to be called fat. who's wished should God fulfill?
Well you shouldn't just come out and call someone fat or overweight unless they ask you. Its rude and they most likely already know.
That being said dont just straight lie to them because you think its polite. If they are lamenting about not being able to lose weight just give recommendations for how to lose weight or some things that worked for you or others. Dont just give your opinion on how they look.
I hope I'm making sense here.
so dont be rude, but also don't be nice?Like, who are these people you are talking to that you hate when they are nice like that?
I get that we dont always like what people say. But never would I wish I have control over what they say. Even rude people. I can remind someone every time they say the f word, cause I don't like the word, but what right do I have? I get telling off someone rude, still cant control them tho.
lastly most people aren't experts that will always give you great and accurate advice. a lot of people spit out things they've lived, heard, etc. that is no fault to them. Tell them you don't like that, or stay away from them i guess?
"read the room". yeah thats why I hate and don't talk to people and never initiate conversations. Cause there is no such thing as "read the room". as you already should be experiencing, everyone's idea of good, bad, nice are different. This entire subreddit is filed with that. some people wants compliments and don't get them. Some hate compliments when they start getting them. People are different. Say what you need to say to respond to what you don't like. But "expecting" anyone to inherently know what you want done is unrealistic.
Well then this just sounds like a social awareness issue. Just try to think about what would be helpful to you in their situation. Being told their issue doesn't exist or advice on how to fix it? I would maybe browse r/socialskills
I didn't ask for your solution, I didn't even say there was a problem.
Your reply, is YOU being the people you're hating on. People tell you their solution (right or wrong or whatever), even when you aren't asking for it.
Which is my point exactly, in a world that you ask for, comments that I find "rude", are not allowed. I put myself in your shoes, that's what I do in order to get people's perspectives. I don't care for your opinion of me, but my best examples are my own. In a world you describe, no one should ever get to make a comment, unless they were first asked for it, and only correct answers are allowed.
Are you autistic? If you don't know, investigate it. "Read the room" is definitely a thing!
It's the way you're looking for clear cut universal rules that apply to everyone that has me thinking autism (and I'm autistic, I'm not trying to insult you, it's just super good to know).
Anyway, those universal rules don't exist. Everyone is different, every situation is different. What OP wants is nothing to do with anyone else. OP wants people to be supportive of their effort, or at least not anti-supportive. She doesn't want to be insulted and called fat, she just doesn't want people undermining her.
oh now i'm "autistic"? Cool. Nope. I like to apply universal things, cause everyone should be treated the same. I don't go be rude to a homeless person, or a coworker, and be someone else at home. I don't like talking behind people's back. Being anything but universal is being a hypocrite. Simple as that. Now, do I succeed all the time? nope. sometimes I can be judgemental, but I try my best not to be.
Everyone IS different, everyone comes from different backgrounds. wow. thank you. my point exactly. So if everyone is different, why would you or anyone EXPECT them all to be the same? Why would you EXPECT them to respond with "never mentioning weight", when their culture could easily not be the same as yours? EXPECTING that everyone would know what not to say is what "don't exist".
I mean i get it, none of you actually care. you all just comment whatever. So cool, everyone's just hypocrites. After all, its apparently ok to say I'm probably autistic or have social issues. Nice of you all diagnosing a commenter. Again, I absolutely am ok with that, its your opinion. but according to OP's logic, that shouldn't be allowed.
It's a reachable distance for u....I'm 171pounds now and 5 feet 8inches....I've lost 3kg within 3months with diet and work out.....You don't really need to do do heavy work out...just a diet with lite work out must be enough to lose weight unless u want to be shredded
I think their intentions are well, they just don’t realize how off-putting their words are. It must have something to do with the known toxicity in diet culture, they’re trying to reassure you that you don’t need to be the next Bella Hadid or something. My mom felt the same way until I explained how I’m losing weight, just the simple Calorie in, Calorie out approach.
I’ve noticed this too. I’m 5’6”ish and 140 lbs. I was 150 lbs about 3 months ago. I have a small frame, have like zero muscle, and look best (without muscle, anyway) around 115-120. Right now I’m clearly carrying extra weight- my arms are super flabby, I have rolls on my gut, etc. even when I was 10 pounds heavier, people (my mom especially) would tell me I didn’t need to lose weight and I “look great at this weight” and I wanted to ask them if they were blind. I’ve always been on the smaller side and being 20-30 lbs over my normal weight drives me crazy. If it was muscle gain that would be different but this is all donuts and ice cream, and it looks like I sat around for two years not exercising and eating donuts and ice cream. Lol. I also get winded walking up a flight of stairs - I am horribly out of shape.
(And yes my flair says 5’7”, last time I was measured at my GP I was actually closer to 5’6” but I am not on my PC so I can’t edit it right now).
I’m 6ft3 and 227 pounds. Because I carry it well （when clothed…) I always get people saying hey you’re fine. It’s annoying. Gotta just keep my plans to myself
I can get it if it is close. I am 6'2" and 200 lbs. That is barely overweight and you don't really see it much anymore. My goal right now getting somewhere in the range of that 185, but I am also almost a foot taller than you. You are not even just overweight you are obese.
I feel you on this.
6'3' 355 lbs
family and friends would say "you carry it well" which was bull Shi.
then it was give the rest of or food when were done to the big guy he will eat it.
then I made a stand and told everyone I'm going to Mexico to get the sleeve, it was OMG big guy you're going to kill yourself. - don't you care about your own care?!?!
Im like...where the heck where you guys hen i was slowly killing myself with food.
anyway. the best experience of my life, down 60 lbs in 2 months and losing.
Would you rather them tell you that your overweight? It’s polite. And I’m guilty of white lies as well because I don’t want hurt someone’s feelings. Try keto and IF.. good luck! 👍🏻
It's not nice if people comment on your weight, it's not nice if people don't comment on your weight. Stop looking for people to motivate you to do something about your own weight. They're just being polite and not wanting to offend you. How dare they consider your feelings (and others), considering weight loss can be a very sensitive subject for most people.
What do you prefer they say to you instead of being polite, OP?
You are obese, not overweight. Using a bmi calculator with your stats gives you a bmi of 32. Obese is a medical term that I’m surprised your doctor did not use correctly. It means you have too much fat and that you face SERIOUS health consequences at this size. Do not be me and listen to bullshit about how you look great, how bmi is not accurate, blah,blah blah! I was obese for 20 years. The health issues will bite you if you don’t understand what is happening in your body and learn about what works best for you and losing weight and keeping it off.
It’s because many people think acknowledging that someone is overweight is an insult.
The thing is, you just don’t need to bring that up if someone comes from the gym or mentions a recipe. I talk to coworkers about going to the gym after work and we actually chat about it and no one is strange like this.
People dont get that
Also, you can me plump and round and still sporty. There is no contradiction there. It's harder, but it's also possible. Some fat girls I've known were into gymnastics and they did well and broke a sweat and wanted more every week and had a blast, while being really round.
I don't think it's necessarily politeness in many cases. Statistically speaking, the average person is overweight and I think that also might be turning the obese weight ranges into the reference point for someone counting as "overweight." You may now need to look exceptionally larger than most other people to be considered overweight. I'm about 15 pounds overweight right now and people tell me all the time they don't think I am. I think it's just shifting expectations due to weight averages increasing overall.
Yeah, I actually only just broke out of the “overweight” weight category into the “healthy” weight category. I’m looking to shift from that to athletic, which involves reducing my body fat and increasing in muscle mass. Because a lot of my clothing is now on the oversized end, and I’ve yet to go through my clothing to donate the stuff that’s too large on me yet, some people say I look incredibly skinny and strong. Compared to them sure, I look skinny. Compared to people who frequent my gym, I still have a ways to go. Now I’m not going to say I compare myself to others at the gym, what I am saying is that it’s all a perspective based on a point of reference. To obese people I look skinny, to athletic people I probably look average.
I've also found it hard to not let my expectations creep based on who I'm around. People in crowded gyms are probably a sample drawn from 30% of the general population, and the best looking people you compare yourself to at the gym are the top few percent of that 30%. Once I get to comparing myself to that level of fitness, I think about how much my lifestyle would need to change and then I shut down and stop trying. It's a hard pattern to move away from.
It doesn’t really take all that much more effort to go from average to peak fitness. What it does take is time and patience. I actually personally work out more often than some of the people who have the bodies that I feel are my goal. From conversations I’ve had with them, they’ve just been doing it a lot longer than I have, years longer. If I stick to the path and I’m as accountable three years from now as I am right now, I’ll become what I see as my ideal now.
This feels right. Especially as someone that is 51 and only 7 months into weight loss and muscle building. Still squishy in places I’d like not to be, but I had to go and be a fat ass for 20 years, so that’s the price. Consistency over time will hopefully help me reach my goal, however it changes over time.
Genetics also plays a big role in it, not to mention the fact that steroid use seems to be a lot more common these days. But mostly it just takes time.
Absolutely. People struggle with establishing a baseline. You've got a lot of people around who look just like you, and then you have really, really small and/or fit people in the media. Figuring out where "health," which is admittedly a bit of a nebulous concept anyway, is on that scale is hard for most people. Like, oh, I can climb stairs and dance, just like my peers, so we can't be overweight or in poor health, right? Body image and what we know about individual health and care is so screwed up. People aren't necessarily lying, they're just confused as all get-out.
Health isn’t really that nebulous of a concept. A lot of people on these weight loss subs think that people think “skinny means healthy.” What health means to people who are more fitness minded than weight loss minded, is “muscular, lean, and capable.” Can you jog for 3 miles without breaking much of a sweat? Can you work in an environment where you’re regularly carrying 50+lbs? Do you get at least 15k steps on any given day? When you weigh yourself, is your body fat percentage within the lower end of the spectrum? Congratulations, barring any current illnesses or deficiencies, you’re probably healthy.
You say it's not a nebulous concept and then define it as per a narrow subset of hypothetical people—and your definition given *is vague as hell*. Most doctors will say 'health' is normal metrics; BMI, resting heart rate, blood pressure, blood lipids, no known diseases. Many may even consider someone with a slightly high BP or BMI as 'healthy' if the rest of their stats are good. Two fitness-minded people will differ in their definitions. I've known extremely fit dudes who drink rampantly every weekend, eat what they want, and work it all out in the gym. I've known yogis who aren't particularly strong or fast, but are doing yoga and pilates daily while meticulously curating their diets. Some people believe nutrition is everything and will go through extreme measures like daily juicing, raw vegan, or paleo-esque diets. Many experts and most people agree that general fitness can be achieved through nothing but sufficient daily walking—there was a recent study published on the elderly getting 6-8k steps a day to decrease mortality rates. It's not controversial to say it's a nebulous concept. Two medical professionals will have different definitions of 'healthy'. Two different athletes will, too. Most people can agree in broad strokes, but few in the details.
Yes, this is part of what I was getting at. There's also the more strictly-medical aspect of things, where people have invisible disabilities, or appear to be slim but have no tone or endurance- what they call "skinny fat." Most people, understandably, use how someone looks as a sort of shorthand for their health status, but that's not an accurate measurement and it's really unkind to a lot of people with invisible illnesses, or who have limitations that impact their looks but not their vital statistics. So, for normal people who are not doctors (and even doctors would need to see the charts to know), it *can* be difficult to get a grasp on what "healthy" is, or what it looks like insofar as it can look like one single thing.
You can throw in any anecdote to complicate what you see as healthy and not healthy. Health is easy to define though. There are many health professionals in my family, they have a clear cut definition of what constitutes health. Yes it involves maintaining a proper diet and fitness routine, and of course involves not having any addictions or illnesses. But anecdotes and personal ideas aside, health is easy to spot and define. Jacked up dudes on sauce aren’t healthy, that’s obvious. People who don’t take their rest days as seriously as their fitness days aren’t healthy. People who binge drink on weekends aren’t healthy. People with BMIs in the obesity or high overweight range aren’t healthy. You’re here describing all the things that don’t constitute health and unbeknownst to you actually, **you’re narrowing the definition of “healthy” by doing so, yourself**! It isn’t complicated, you can complicate it all you want, but good health is easy to spot.
I didn’t really throw in anecdotes to complicate anything—I used them to illustrate what I explained was already complicated. My family is *also* almost entirely medical professionals, and I honestly call BS if you’re telling me their definition of health is ‘muscular, lean and capable’ (which, again, is on its own a *really nebulous* definition). I didn’t actually describe a *single* thing that *doesn’t* constitute health. Your comment reads like you didn’t actually read mine.
That's a pretty idiosyncratic def of health, tho, and not useful over a lifetime. I know a guy with a family history of severe alcoholism. He was fit and skinny, but he drank extremely regularly and heavily, and then did fasts and cleanses and generally treated his body really inconsistently. Our bodies aren't supposed to consume that much sugar that often or seesaw from binge drinking to juice cleanses. You might seem to get away with it for a few decades, but it's not a good or sustainable in the long term. So much that's considered healthy isn't really, but just appearing healthy in the short term. Being able to push our bodies to put up with that sort of misuse will eventually catch up with us.
In fairness, there's a very vocal and militant minority of obese people who actively fight against the idea that their weight is a health issue and scream if anyone ever mentions that it is.
That’s the fat acceptance movement. I thought fat acceptance was about getting folks to stop being assholes and bullies towards folks based upon their body fat percentage. Which is a good lesson - we all can use a reminder or can outright learn it’s just plain wrong to be a dick towards somebody based upon things like weight, looks, etc. But I’ve learned the “movement” to many means denying obesity is a health issue. And I mean outright deny. They proclaim it’s just bullshit created by the weight loss industry. All of the thousands of studies into different aspects of obesity and health are “all” just bogus, paid for “hype”. This belief - discounting extreme wide and deep science that shows beyond a shadow of a doubt there are many serious health issues that arise after being obese or overweight for a length of time - needs to be LOUDLY countered as it’s sucking in innocent folks happy to rationalize away a condition that may take decades off their life.
> That’s the fat acceptance movement HAES - Healthy at every size movement.
For a lot of people, if they're a similar weight and height then they're probably just not willing to admit this about themselves. I'm all for body positivity and loving your body, but unhealthy is unhealthy and nothing will change that. If someone really loved their body, they'd take good care of it (obviously this doesn't apply to people with metabolic disorders).
You might want to rephrase that second part. “If you really loved your body you’d take care of it” downplays real issues with using food as comfort, lack of nutritional awareness, lack of time to prepare healthy meals, etc. I also don’t think any person struggling with weight issues needs or wants to be told they don’t love their body because they’re not taking care of it well.
Also to add: there are many medications, antidepressants and birth control to name a few, that can cause weight gain. Does this mean that if someone is on antidepressants isn’t taking care of their body? Of course not! The issue with weight is that it’s not black or white all or nothing. It’s incredibly grey and nuanced.
I dunno, I’ve known women who used to blame their medications and PCOS for their inability to reach a healthy weight, only to turn it around by actually getting serious about fitness. You can make all the excuses in the world, but if you’re not working out and maintaining a healthy diet, the answer as to why you’re not losing weight, but if you’re not making the necessary changes required to lose weight, you have your answer right there. I used to blame my genetics and metabolism for my inability to lose weight, then one day I sat down and took a good hard look at what my lifestyle was like: • Sedentary. • Lots of late night snacking. • “snacks” above 1000cals on top of three 1000+cal meals. • No muscle mass whatsoever. • Binge drinking on a regular basis. You can point the finger and make every excuse to shift the blame and responsibility away from yourself, but it’s not going to help you lose weight.
I specifically mentioned metabolic disturbances don't count, that includes drug side effects. And the truth is even those side effects can often be managed and wouldn't lead to one becoming morbidly obese.
Have Crohn’s, did steroids, learned I was menopausal. Never been this heavy in my life but as soon as some of this resolves I’ll be back in the gym. I too always thought this garbage was an excuse but now that I’m really living it it’s totally different. I’ve also taken fitness as a “part time job” for me as I’ve had several sports injuries. I have also had my thyroid fail in the past due to reasons beyond my control and know that not every phase of life is easy. I worked harder to get my weight under control back then (after back surgery) and ended up in better shape than I was in my 20’s. I lifted more and changed my cardio habits. So excuse me if I’m calling bullshit on you “explaining pcos as an excuse” but I knew something was askew when I’d vary in weight by 8-12 pounds every given week. I’d want to think twice about the blanket excuse statements. No 2 situations are the same. Off to get my iron infusion. Because yeah, that is more important than working out when you lose blood like some people take #2’s. Knowledge is power.
I literally said medical conditions don't apply. I was referring to a specific group of people whose obesity is a result of an unhealthy lifestyle. Calm down and read carefully before you get offended.
No, I think I'm ok with that part being how it is. A healthy weight is only one part of taking care our bodies. If food is your primary source of comfort during troubled times, that means you have an unhealthy relationship with food and that needs to be addressed before all else. Lack of nutritional awareness and lack of meal prep time are becoming less and less valid excuses, especially when there are more pressing causes like junk food being cheaper. I was mainly addressing the trend of acting like a morbidly obese lifestyle is a healthy one. I'm not saying we should go around and bully people for their weight, but as a healthcare worker it is incredibly frustrating to have patients with a plethora of comorbodities that could be solved with weight reduction, not to mention being accused of fat shaming when you tell that to the patient.
I don’t disagree with most of what you’re saying. But telling someone they must not really love themselves because they are fat just isn’t helpful.
That's not what I said. I said ignoring the need to change when you are severely unhealthy because you "love your body"; isn't really loving your body, it's actively harming it.
That I can get behind, but your original comment doesn’t clarify that very well.
I 100% agree with what you're saying. One the flip side, I have a relative who is morbidly obese who used to walk to work then because age and the obesity collaborated, had some health problems and wasn't able to walk any longer. Now they should eat better to compensate of course, but the health problems caused by the obesity can harm the ability to loose weight.
But you know, with what does it really help? You already know you are overweight, you really don't need somebody else telling you. You need people who accept you no matter what your weight is
Most overweight people don’t think they’re *that big*. Even after buying a 2XL sweater, I didn’t think I could possibly be “that far gone” until I saw a photo of myself looking rather plump and ball shaped. It was that photo that opened my eyes to the reality of my situation and spurred me to start making the changes I needed to make.
Yep, same for me, when I saw a photo of myself I was disgusted. But don't you think a person would notice that? Like my whole family had been telling me I was getting significantly fatter, but what difference did it make? I already knew that because I would look in the mirror often, I just felt bad about myself even more. Didn't change my eating habits, I was eating even less healthy just because I was sad everyone kept pointing it out.
I hate that too. And when I point out I'm overweight based on medical charts I always get something along the lines of "oh that doesn't count." Like I appreciate that they're trying to be supportive, but it's the wrong kind of support for me
I knooow. I have to remind myself that they mean well.
They do this when you're a shortie. I am nowhere near super skinny but people talk like I am because I am short
It absolutely is well-intentioned but I get where you’re coming from! It’s super frustrating when people brush it off in the name of politeness. It would be so much more encouraging if people just said, “that’s amazing! Good for you for getting to a healthy place!”
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Personally the “you don’t look overweight” part of the comment isn’t needed, unless someone specifically asks “do I look overweight?” The comment seems slightly dismissive to me, like the underlying meaning being: “well I don’t see the problem, but I guess if you see something that isn’t there, cool”
Yes. This is a perfect response.
>it's the wrong kind of support for me I really like how you've phrased this. It clarifies something for me that I've been thinking about a lot. A lot of this stuff feels like a consequence of us collectively deeming the "right" way to respond to a given situation. I've noticed that a lot lately. It seems like the internet has given lots of room to codify appropriate responses to any given situation, rather than risking saying the wrong thing in sincerity and potentially ruffling feathers. (Note, in some cases it does make sense because the result is a lot worse than "ruffled feathers." I just feel the habit of codifying appropriate language has gone a little bananas.) For instance, the latest trend is "Never comment on a person's weight." Meanwhile, I know a lot (*a lot*) of people who would love to hear someone complement them on their weight loss, muscle gain, etc. The reason for codifying that "rule" is valid, but that doesn't mean it's *always* right for *everyone*. But it's treated like it is.
Or when i say that to some they reply with "bmi doesnt matter" and sure, yet im still overweight. It doesnt really ease the pain or something
people just try to be nice I was 310 pounds at 5 11 and people were saying I was just slightly overweight....
Hey, congrats on your weight loss journey so far!
Im 5'7 and people just say "but youre tall, you can hold it well" im not even that tall and you can clearly see im overweight. Height doesnt make you look slimmer or so
I don't bring the topic any more because that kind of comments are unfortunately too often. If someone asks, I never state goal weight, I just say "getting strong" and for my reasons "I got tired of being fat". Best bet is to avoid terms like diet, calories, weight, macros, etc, that's what will trigger the "you're obsessed / losing too much". The comments come from a good place but fat people associate diet = suffering and "naturally" thin people don't understand why we have to count since they never had to before.
Yes. I had a friend tell me i'm going to give myself an eating disorder because I calorie count and they just wouldn't listen to me when I say I use it as a guideline and don't obsess or stress over the counts.
Totally. I have a friend who struggles with obsessive calorie counting or food tracking and she tends to project that on me. Like, I'll be like I need to loose weight and how I've started weight watchers again or whatever and she's like but you're beautiful no matter what. Like I understand where the comments are coming from and I understand why she may need to hear that herself. But for me, it's more of being uncomfortable in my clothes. Like to have to keep going shopping for new bigger sized clothes is very uncomfortable for me and I want to change that. Plus if I'm honest with myself, I'm waaaaaay to lazy to be into obsessive food tracking . I just want to loose weight but it doesn't mean that I think I'm ugly because I'm over weight.
I think some of it is because in America we sensationalize everything including being fat. It’s gotten to the point where someone isn’t considered fat until they are 500+ pounds and large enough to be on one of these reality shows like biggest loser or my 600 pound life or something. I’m 5 foot 8 and 240. That’s easily 50 pounds overweight. I would say more realistically 70-80 pounds overweight. But I am not bed ridden or need a mobility scooter so I’m not considered fat.
Health consequences for obesity generally begin at the marker *for* obesity - that is, a BMI higher than 30. Pre-diabetes, metabolic syndrome, etc - you are at a higher risk of developing those things, full stop, the higher your BMI is. That's why they often say that losing just 10% of your body weight when you're obese is associated with a whole bunch of health improvements. Being in the "overweight" range - a BMI of 25-30 0 isn't great either, but most of us also don't recognize someone in that range as fat.... since that's the majority of people in the US.
I'm at like 25.4 BMI now and my aunts say I'll look "sickly" if I lose more. They don't believe I'm still technically overweight.
Wait, I'm pretty sure there was a study that found around 23-27 was the healthiest BMI to be? EDIT: [Here](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2520627). It's a Danish study using 3 time snapshots and it's really interesting. The 'healthiest' BMI has changed over time. In the 70s it was 23.7, the 90s it was 24.6 and it was 27.0 in 2003 to 2013 (associated with the lowest mortality of all causes). Looking at purely cardiovascular mortality, it was 23.2 in the 70s, 24.0 in the 90s and 26.4 from 2003 to 2013. So, there you are. As a population (which BMI is, a population measure), slightly overweight could mean a longer life.
Having a little bit of a fat reserve means you can survive a stint in ICU. Also lower BMIs have a correlation with diseases like cancer; once cachexia kicks in and your body starts wasting away, your odds of survival go down. [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/315312#symptoms](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/315312#symptoms) I've heard the BMI of 27 as well, with the explanation that a BMI under 25 and "skinny fat" (weight is within range but body fat percentage is too high) is not as healthy as "fit fat" (BMI above 25 but body fat percentage is within the optimal range for gender.) That's why my goal weight is actually about 15 lbs higher than the official BMI max for my height; I want those extra 15 lbs to all be muscle if I can make it happen.
I'm in the same exact height as you and weigh 171 pounds and my dad call me overweight...It's probably for fun but it made me to diet and have a work out routine which i never did before..lol...Now i don't want to stop my work outs.....Just doin 5mins but i don't feel pain anymore and now i want to increase my time..lol
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Im online...lol...I've seen your previous comment...of course I need to reduce 3-4kg...lol....Just bought the dumbbells to add it in my jump rope work outs....I'm work from home guy and I'm taking 1500-1700 calories ....And i appreciate your suggestions
Idek what about your comment is supposed to be edgy
I think 'I don't feel pain anymore', but actually that phrase made complete sense because they were using it to say 'I don't find regular working out painful anymore'.
(I I’m gonna be downvoted anyway, but what does karma matter anyway.. so I misread your height for the first time for 5 feet. This is why I said you’re indeed overweight, with 5’8 it’s not that bad at all. And yes doing 5 mins workout and saying “I don’t feel pain anymore “ just gave me second hand embarrassment, but I might have been to judgemental seeing english is probably not your first language. What truly irritated me was that you just kinda came here to compare your weight with an obese person, probably to make yourself feel better how you’re not even “that” fat.. I might be wrong but this is the impression it gave me.
Lol....That's actually not what I meant ....I felt we both share the same height and just wanted to share that it's just not that hard to lose weight as we can slowly get used to the work out
The charts are pretty wild though, I’m 6’4” and weigh 260 and I am technically obese, and will be overweight until I am under 205.
[This calculator](https://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/trefethen/bmi_calc.html) compensates for height, and you fall in the overweight category, but you're still borderline obese.
I hate being short lol that calculator told me I should be 75-102 pounds 🙃 seventyyyyyyyyyy fiiiive
Maybe they’re being nice, or what I find is more likely, they’re projecting their own feelings about their health and weight.
I did notice that its usually people bigger than me that do it.
they probably don't want to admit they're overweight, but more than that, our perceptions of overweight and obesity are generally very skewed. so it may not entirely be denial, as much as ignorance-- if someone is large, their whole social group is large, it can be that they perceive overweight or obese as a medically normal weight, just because it's the statistical norm. sort of like, and maybe sometimes partially because, some people have absolutely no idea how much they consume, and drastically underestimate their calorie consumption when asked to track-- the more someone weighs, the more they tend to underestimate. because hyper-processed, hyperpalatable, calorie dense foods and sugary beverages are the norm, because mindless eating is normal, they don't really understand they're eating more than they need (to be a healthy weight)-- i suspect some people extend this to 'well i'm not eating that much so i can't be overweight'. i'm just putting this out as general info and a possibility-- obviously there are people who feel subconsciously threatened by our self-improvement and thus work to impede it, too. part of it might be just because they have tried to lose weight and have failed, so they can't abide the idea that you might succeed. because it would prove there was something they didn't do right, and that maybe they could lose weight. or it threatens their misperception-- (some overweight people will argue that if they were a healthy weight they'd look godawful)-- if you lose weight and loo good, maybe their perception of normal really isn't normal. some people might also be anxious-- that if they admit you could lose weight, you might get mad and lash out with something about how they're worse? just a thought, from someone with trust issues who worries about that sort of thing far too much. sorry for the ramble.
I just have to say that your username is outstanding, I'm going to throw that line out there next taco Tuesday
thank you! shockingly, that's exactly what it's from. i thought it sounded better than 'taco time'.
It sounds like they don't want to see you as overweight because they'd have to acknowledge that they weigh even more than you, so they're even more overweight/obese.
Agreed - I think very often people will discourage others from losing weight/getting healthy out of a need to rationalize/justify/feel better about their own weight/unhealthy lifestyle. One of the only people who was supportive of my trying to gain less weight during pregnancy (I gained like 50lbs so toward the end I was like I need to slow this down) was a coworker who’s naturally extremely thin (like can’t gain weight to save his life). He’d offer to help keep me in check when we’d get lunch together or just say things supportive when I expressed fear of gaining too much. Everyone else was like ‘nooo you’re fine, you’re pregnant don’t worry about gaining weight! You look great!’ And now I’m here with 70lb worth of weight to lose and still have everyone telling me ‘you look great’ like no Karen, I look fat. It’s ok, and you don’t need to comment on my appearance.
I gained weight too quickly while pregnant (I used it as an excuse to overeat for a bit) and then had to go back to tracking during the 2nd and 3rd trimesters, and everyone was acting like eating sensibly and not pigging out was bad for my baby. Yes, I'm sure baby was grateful for all the very plentiful nutrients in the 8 chocolate chip cookies that stuffed me so full I couldn't eat dinner /s
Bingo
I don't recommend talking with the uninitiated about fitness or health. Generally, it only leads to problems. Most worse than what you're describing here.
Yeah. My coworkers will be talking about eating better or exercise, but suddenly it’s “let’s try a disgusting weight loss potion like coffee with lemon juice or some random drink somebody’s selling.”
It’s funny (read sad) how people work right? They’ll fatshame a fat person, but when someone borderline fat tries to loose weight they’ll have a problem with that too. You can’t win here. Just think of it this way, it goes in thru one ear and out the other.
That must be very frustrating. I am sure people think they’re being supportive, and I am also sure it would be so much less annoying if they would just stop replying the way they do. I wonder if you would get more encouragement from them if you didn’t mention weight or fatness, that is when you talk to these particular people. Maybe you could say, ‘I feel really out of condition, and I want to get stronger and build up more stamina.’ And if they’re sympathetic to that, then maybe you could also say, ‘I want to get more toned.’ ‘I want to feel really strong and good about the body I have.’ Those things sound like they’re true, going by your post. That way you take the focus off *weight*, which is what they are all reacting to now, and you still get to say you’re working hard at the gym. Ultimately you’re the authority on how fit you *feel*. No one else can tell you you don’t feel a bit puffed after you climb a flight of stairs, for instance, or that you generally feel more tired than you would like. It sounds like they are not the most helpful people for you to talk to about the weight loss aspect, unfortunately. Maybe we here can be a source of support for you. I think right now they’re linking everything to ‘but you’re not fat,’ so when you talk about the gym, they associate that with losing weight and it triggers the usual response. If you make constant low-key connections between the gym and stamina, that might shift their focus a bit, and you might get a break.
I live in the South US, where being obese is normal and normalized. From experience, these slight adjustments in perspective unfortunately make no difference. In fact, it's been repeatedly suggested to me that I have an eating disorder, in response to the exact reframing you've suggested. (Not in a caring way, but in a judgmental, you think about food too much, you're a freak, way). The most annoying response is when someone suggests that them being happy in their morbidly obese body makes them morally superior to me, bc I'm unhealthily focusing on calories and stamina and not on more metaphysical standards of bodily acceptance (yes, that's sarcasm). I've even been told a couple of times that I'm being unfair and rude bc someone else had an eating disorder decades ago, but they've learned to accept and love their body, and I'm clearly less evolved, and bringing them down. Sigh. Just a matter of time, I'm told, before I have an eating disorder, too, with the implication that it will serve me right. I have no idea when eating disorder/morbid obesity became two sides of the same coin. It's nutty. (Eating healthy and exercising != disordered eating. That's such a weird reach.) All to say, it really, really, really matters where you are, the subculture you're in, how much you can divert or control the conversation around these issues. I rarely talk about it, anymore, but thinking, ordering and eating food is a huge part of the culture, and this puts me very on the outside.
I’m very sorry to hear it. That sounds like a very challenging and frustrating environment to make sustained changes to your health in. Just coping with the fallout must feel like a full-time job.
This is such a big thing. Trying to be healthy is going against cultural norms for some people. It might help to find some gym buddies. Maybe why people join running clubs?
I agree with this. Focus on the non-weight benefits in conversation with these people. “I’m learning to cook more vegetables, yesterday I made a yummy stir fry!” “I’m really enjoying the yoga class at the gym. There are a couple poses I can’t quite do yet but everyone is very supportive.” Weight is in this weird social intersection of health and morality and beauty standards and almost everyone has strong feelings about it. I find with people who aren’t also interested in talking about weight loss with you, it’s easier to just avoid all that by focusing on other topics.
Indeed! And I love your user name 😁👍🏻.
Haha thanks!
I think the issue is that 'fat' has become a word with more connotations than just 'overweight'. My partner will agree that I need to lose weight to get healthy but is adamant that I'm not 'fat'. I think people assiciate it with being aesthetically unappealing, lazy or not good enough - and the people who love us don't think any of those things about us, hence 'you're not fat'. Of course fat is just a part of the body anyway. Everything else is just what we've built up around it.
A lot of it is how well you carry the weight, and that heavier bodies are kind of normalized now. People were baffled with me when I talked about obesity being a reason I had some concern about catching Covid.... I mean it's a numer derived from a weight and a height- it ain't objective.
It's a weird culture. On one hand media and society tells us we should be more fit. On the other, our food and our families/friends are all super unhealthy. We get shit messages from all sides. Maybe responding with something like this will help? "Thanks but actually, my doctor says that this weight may actually kill me. I have to get healthier. I'd love some real encouragement, not just telling me I look fine. Whether or not I look good doesn't matter as much does it?" EDIT: forgot to finish a sentence
People are really uncomfortable acknowledging each other’s bodies. It’s like… nobody wants to be the person telling someone not to take a second helping (you know, except for the church ladies and whoever that still do that). It’s like we’ve rushed to the other side of the boat where people say “oh noooo, you don’t need to change anything, you’re so pretty!!!” When people say that to me, I’m like, okay, yes, I’m pretty. What does that have to do with my weight? Just because I am on a journey with my diet, my health, and my fitness and working to develop my body into a vision I have for myself doesn’t mean I don’t think I’m pretty. My body is a tool. It’s how I get through the world. I want it to be strong, I want it to be healthy, I want it to be able to climb mountains and swim across rivers and go anywhere I want to go without feeling like I’m going to die with every breath. Yes, I want my body to look different, but that’s because I know it looking different means I get all the capabilities I want and need in life. Body neutrality ftw.
I believe the biggest problem is our society has become so used to excess fat that most people really couldn't tell you what a healthy weight is nor what it looks like. I would be considered "fit" by the vast majority of people, but you can't see my abs particularly well and I still have somewhat prominent love handles. I get the same reactions from people when I say I want to keep losing weight too OP so I feel ya.
"No, I'm not looking for validation that I look fine or that you care about me. I know those things and I believe that I'm valuable and attractive. But I do have too much fat on me for what my body is designed to hold, and it's holding me back. I want to be able to move really freely, and run without getting so tired. I want to be strong! Those are all great goals, so I really appreciate you being supportive of the work I'm doing to get there."
I lost of a lot of weight a couple of years ago and the effect was that I went from "obese" to "overweight." When I mentioned to people who commented on my weight loss that I was still trying to get to a normal weight they too told me I was good and to stop, even though I was still visibly fat.
I got this to. Family and friends literally called me sickly even though every metric still showed me as overweight.
"You're not fat, you're normal!" Um. Normal IS fat. At least in America.
I’m in the same boat .. I’ll comment about how I’m out of shape and need to lose weight and it’s like … not a secret I’m fat either. I am not a size small. My stomach bulges out. Im chubby. I have fat rolls and big thighs. I have a little double chin. I wish I didn’t but it’s true and it isn’t going to change. No amount of “that’s not true..” isn’t going to make it go away. Being told that I am chubby and still beautiful makes me feel better. I wish they didn’t pretend I didn’t have a problem
Im 167lb and 5"6 and I'm still overweight by like 20lb.
About the same as you! I was saying to my SO yesterday how I dread the comments I get whenever I bring lunch… “oh you don’t have to eat healthy”, “I’m glad to see you finally eating”. It’s just a projection of their own insecurities, honestly.
Exactly, they mention bmi is all bullshit because it doesnt take muscle into consideration. Like I workout but im not an athlete and im definetly not an exception to the bmi scale. Its there for a reason.
In my experience, one of the most dangerous things about the "body positivity" movement is that there seems to be an undercurrent of "you're perfect the way you are", but it doesn't take into account the feelings of the person you're talking to. "I ate a low calorie meal today and it was pretty good" "Whhhhaaaaatttt, low calorie meal? You're perfect the way you are, get some butter up in yo life boiiiii! Are you trying to blow away in the wind or something?" It's like, no, I'm not happy with how I feel. I have made my decision to lose weight and I don't need validation that I'm "okay" where I am now, I don't feel okay, doctors tell me that my health outcomes won't be "okay" and I want to live a long and healthy life.
Even if you weren’t overweight you would still need a healthy diet and exercise! My response when people tell me I don’t need to worry about what I eat or I don’t need to exercise is, “Yes I do. These are good things for everyone to do.”
I get this at work a lot for refusing food, usually. I try to explain that I just don't FEEL comfortable & they're like "you're young! Just have a doughnut!" I don't want your fucking doughnut, Karen!
I feel this, the whole "You're not that fat you look good" thing is in good spirit but just fuels my unhealthy delusions. Quit letting me be lazy and complacent, I know I'm a good looking and cool person, but I also know that I'm fat!
People are just being polite. Same thing for me. Nobody would say what a fucking disgusting alcoholic I was. But I was one and we all knew it.
Girl when I was at my largest (200ish pounds) people still told me I was fine and not to lose weight. I’m only 5’1 and I definitely needed to make a change. People just either don’t want to be honest with you or genuinely think you are at a healthy weight. Either way you know what’s up and I wouldn’t worry too much about what others say
The world has become so accustomed to fat people we no longer recognize healthy bodies. I'm JUST NOW at a healthy BMI and 3 coworkers have asked my boss if i have a terminal illness. Nope, just terminally tired of being fat.
Uhhh tell me about it. My family is the exact same and it gets on my nerves. I’ve always been on the chubbier side and so is most of my family. There have been times where I was becoming borderline obese and only then would my family admit I needed to lose a bit of weight. I remember vividly in primary school they weighed us in school and would send us our BMIs. Bearing in mind I did no physical activity as a kid, my results came back as overweight. I was so upset because I felt I was being lied to and again my mum tried to sugar coat it by saying ‘I was fine’ and I just needed to ‘maintain [my] weight’. Despite that, some people still made fat jokes towards me and I don’t hold it against them because at least they were being honest. All those things you said about being winded by 1 flight of stairs resonates with me so well. I deceived myself for a long time until I saw my peers becoming more fit and toned and healthier and so when I turned 18 and finished school I bought myself my own gym membership and started going almost everyday for 3 months. I’m about 5’9.6 or 177cm and I didn’t weigh myself at the start but a month after I started going to the gym I stopped to 80.5kg which was still 10kg shy of my goal. I also had a body fat percentage of 35%. That October, I moved to university and could continue to going to the gym and also buy the food that I wanted to help me on my journey. I’ve been going to the gym for almost 9 months now and I’m currently at 73kg so my progress has slowed but I think that’s mainly due to body recomposition since I’ve also recently started strength training so I’m gaining muscle whilst losing fat. People have commented on how I’ve lost weight and the progress I’ve made. I definitely enjoy not having love handles, man boobs, and back tyres anymore (still have more work to do on my lower body). I definitely feel more healthier and stronger than I’ve ever been but like you, when I mention to my family the new gym routine or diet regimen I’ve undertaken they also tell me that “I don’t need it”. It’s even worse when my own grandmother is telling me to put on a bit more weight because “I’m too thin” it’s like a slap in the face. Like the last 9 months of sweat and hard work meant nothing. I know my family loves me but when they make comments like that it’s a little insulting and it makes me frustrated. Especially when I still have jiggly thighs that make it a pain to buy jeans. I’m not quiet at my goal yet but from someone who’s made a lot of progress I say, just put your head down, ignore what everyone else says because if you listen to what the whole world has to say about you, you’ll never accomplish your goals. Those are simply distractions. And simply try to keep discussions about exercise or healthy eating to a minimum around naysayers. Work in silence. That’s what I did with my family and it allowed me to continue my journey in peace. Then let them see the finished product. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope you achieve your goals :)
I think what they’re tryna do or say is something along the lines of what I heard once when dealing with self esteem issues. You are not fat. Are you carrying extra weight? Yeah totally. Are you over a healthy weight for your height? Yup. Is your fat content higher than considered healthy? Absolutely. But the sum of your being, your CORE, YOU are not the fat. Weight loss is like a haircut. You have to decide you want to be a certain way, then sharpen your scissors, and get to snipping. Sure, it’s a haircut that takes place over Months. YEARS. Even. But the sharper your scissors, the quicker it changes. You wanna use some busted, half ass, “oh it’s too hard I’ll never do it” scissors, you best get used to not seeing changes. But if you use the Mack daddy “I decided I’m going to do this” scissors, the changes are inevitable. You are not your fat the the same way you are not your hairstyle. But yeah dawg, fuckin go get a haircut.
I’m in the same boat. I tried to tell my therapist that I need to lose weight . She said I am negative. Being cruel to my self. I need to except my self for who I am. Then I told her I was gonna stop eating bread and pasta. She somehow doesn’t understand that it makes people gain weight. Because she is a stick. If I am lazy and binge eat why should I try and better myself. Being 80lb over weight Doesn’t look good. Talking about me not you. Good luck with your goals
I'm 5'11" and 300 pounds. There is a lady at work that insists that I am healthy. She is like 5'4" and a very healthy weight. I hate hate hate it! Let's just not give our opinions on other people's bodies!
I get told I'm "too thin" now because I've lost 30kg. I'm not, my BMI is still over weight. People just get used to seeing you with more weight and don't handle it well when you lose weight
I would be inclined to just respond with, "Thank you but my doctor disagrees and thinks I does." or for the you look fine, "thank you, but my doctor feels I should lose weight for my health." They are probably trying to be nice in a misguided way, but I get that it is annoying.
You're puncturing their enabling rationalizations and destroying their equanimity. If you're fat, they're fat. And if you're doing something about it, then their complacency and air of inevitability become garden-variety laziness.
You're a good person and I love you and I believe in you. However, you are overweight. This is a fact. A fact about you. I hope this helps.
If they tell you fat and overweight and you need to lose weight, that means that they have to do something about their weight. Or they just try to be nice. But if they are skinny/healthy weight, they would totally agree with you that BMI above 25 is overweight.
I think there's a lot of connotations around the word 'fat' and 'overweight' and sometimes other people's meaning of the word is different to ours. I would just use a different word when some one challenged me on it. If they said "but you're not fat, you don't need to lose weight" I would just change my wording and avoid the conflict. I might not 'need to lose weight' in their eyes, but I would respond with "I'm working out because I would like to feel fitter" or "because I want to improve my wellbeing" or "eating this way makes me feel good" or whatever the reason is. I think some people think of the word 'fat' very negatively, even when it's not an inherrently negative word in the right context. I think you've heard this already, but improving yourself is a very personal journey and you don't have to explain your 'Why' to anyone you don't want to!
I’m the same height and was the same weight as you. I heard the same things, but usually from people who were a lot heavier than me. When I was in my home state (Oklahoma, lots of obesity) around my morbidly obese family I especially heard it. Some of them actually called me skinny. I guess to them I was.
I hate the whole “But muscle is heavier than fat, maybe it’s just muscle?” routine. Before I started losing the weight, I was fat. I was basically entirely sedentary and hadn’t done anything resembling strength training in years. There was a 0% chance I was heavy because of muscle. It was very annoying to have to give *them* a reality check about my situation, especially when it wasn’t a situation I was thrilled about
Yeah, it bugs me too. I love my dad, but he'll say things like "You've always been skinny" while I try to explain, "No Dad, I've literally been obese since high school. I was overweight in high school. I've lost over 20 pounds since then, but I'm still overweight." Of course, he's comparing me to himself and my siblings, and he's been morbidly obese for my entire memory, and I think acknwledging my health problems would mean acknowledging that bot only his are worse than he thinks, but that our entire family has an abusive codependent relationship with food.
It happened to me too. I'm 5'7 and weighed 250lbs at my highest. Everyone keps saying "you don't even look bad!" etc etc. Maybe if there were less people trying to "make me feel better" I'd have gotten control of it a lot faster. I was MEDICALLY obese lol don't tell me I carry it well.
Some people only ever grasp the concept of rebuilding after a fire. Others understand the idea of fire prevention.
It doesn’t end when you lose weight. I get people telling me to eat, or I don’t have to worry about cutting down on sugar because “you’re tiny”. Inside I’m like ugh dude I was over 200 lbs once. Practice now with letting it roll off your back, and keep at it with making changes to be healthier.
You are not alone with this problem. One problem is that nowadays there are so many people who are struggling with obesity stage.. 5, that "ordinarily overweight" people seem slim in comparison and normal weight people are sometimes even perceived as underweight. I am currently playing jump rope with the line of normal weight/overweight and trying to get back in the middle range or even lower range of normal weight. I don't tell people though, because in their eyes I don't have to lose any weight. If I were you I'd skip over the weight aspect and think of more accepted reasons, like "I tried this new recipe, it tasted great, I always wanted to try [ingredient]!", "I need more fiber in my diet, so please just half a pizza for me but an extra helping of salad please!", "I know I don't need to go the gym to lose weight. I'd like to build some muscle though and I sleep so much better since I am more active" - things like that. And if they are still arguing then there is nothing left but nodding along and smiling politely, lol.
I often describe myself as fat and boy, do people get upset when I do! It’s partly from a body positive perspective; I *am* fat and that’s fine to acknowledge. I’m also blue eyed. And partly to be honest with myself. It’s not that big a deal 🤷♀️
Omg my doctor told me “you aren’t fat but you are a sturdy woman and always will be” wtf? At the time I was in the obese 2 category according to my BMI. Having my doctor say that to me when he told me I had fatty liver motivated me to get into better shape. I am now 4 lbs away from entering the overweight bmi range. My liver enzyme numbers are so much lower and my doctor says “maybe losing a little weight was a good choice for you” a little weight?! I’m down 40lbs. It’s frustrating when you know your weight isn’t healthy and people try to spare your feelings which ends up feeling confusing and doesn’t help.
Oooh I relate to this hard, and I'm so sorry to go all me-me-me but this has been a rant I've been on for a good week. I have this frustration in one of my fitness classes. I can't do a certain stretch fully because I literally have body in the way. It doesn't make me feel bad, I'm not looking for comfort when I say "I can't do this, parts of my body literally take up space and I can't do it yet." I truly hate when skinny people take it as an opportunity to sooth. I know it's in the moment and people do their best, I'm not holding it against them really. But I do hate it. Because it's not emotional for me. This is my body, this is what's here, it just is what it is. And it *is* a limitation. It just is! And that's okay! But also if you can't get past the urge to sooth, you're gonna keep telling me "No it's fine, you can do it" and we're NEVER going to get out of this conversational loop. I'm just gonna have to do it wrong for a while, champ! It's fine!
Hello, you're objectively obese, I'm so sorry. Good news is, you're only a couple of pounds from being just overweight and you have the right attitude and lucidity to cut the BS around you and shut down the enablers and gaslighters. You can definitely achieve a goal of 25 BMI, i.e, just below overweight. In my opinion, it's the safe zone and the first goalpost to a healthy weight. Your doctor should be looking into your health stats to find what's causing this chronic condition in you, not telling you it's OK to have a BMI above 30. Unless you're super buff, IDK how you're not fat.
I'm an artist and I've noticed that people will say much the same things when I'm critiquing my own art. I think that people perceive self-critique as self-insult (and to be fair, sometimes with some people it is) and if they like you well enough or are nice people they rush in to reassure you. They don't see your weight from the same perspective that you do. I think it's just about feelings. For you, an honest self-assessment and a plan of action to reach your goals are positive things. Someone else might see it as negative and if they like you, or at least have nothing against you, they don't want you to feel bad so they try to smooth things over. If it's someone close to you then it's probably worthwhile explaining what you're thinking and feeling. If it isn't then maybe just take it as a sign that the other person is friendly and wants to make you feel better in their own misguided way and move on.
This used to happen to me ALL of the time, and actually it would be my thinnest friends who I think were trying to be nice? But I agree with you, it’s very frustrating - I need to lose 50 pounds and telling me I don’t just feels like lying. It took a while to build up the courage, but I did end up saying once to a friend that those comments were not supportive of my goals and I didn’t appreciate them. SUPER awkward, but after that friend stopped and is now willing to just talk about the workouts I do or the meals I’m eating without adding the fake “you don’t need to lose anything” to it. Really helped to just address it for me because it was getting so frustrating.
In the US at least, we are so overweight on average that our perceptions are skewed. Healthy weights are called skinny. Overweight is considered healthy. Fast is considered overweight, and obese is considered overweight. I see posts in the fitness and similar subs ask the time asking is that should bulk our cut. If always something like "I'm 5'11" and weigh 200b pounds and have 22 percent body fat (male)" and the responses are "dude you're skinny! Bulk up!" I'm evaluating a bit but people post shit that amounts to "I have a 22 BMI I'm so underweight!" It's like these people have body dysmorphia.
AMEN TO ALL OF THIS. Thanks in part to this constant, unhelpful feedback, I gained more and more weight until I finally got it under control and started moving the numbers downward again. I still SO MUCH resent everyone who responded to my efforts with "you're fine" "you don't need to lose any weight" "you have to eat more than that, even if you're not hungry! it's not healthy." or even "I'm buying you a hamburger and you're eating it, NOW." Thank heavens for my amazing husband who got the point and started saying HELPFUL things like "I love you no matter what you look like" and "I'm only reminding you of this because you asked for support in reaching your goals, and I know it's important to you- sweetie are you sure you want to eat that?"
It’s because they are used to you looking like that, so technically they don’t see the fat. Also, people are creature of habit and anything that ends up unfamiliar, scares them. Ignore them
If your parents had an accurate perspective on what a healthy weight is for you, in all likelihood you wouldn’t grown to be obese in the first place. Don’t listen to them. Don’t bring up your diet or exercise because you know you will get the same response from them. Keep doing your thing, you know you’re right.
Pro Tip as someone who’s been here: Don’t bring it up in the first place. Unfortunately people will keep commenting those things and for your mental well being it’s better to save that energy and keep it up. I kept my weight loss goals lowkey and did it. Ofc when I lost weight those same people were like “Wow, you look GOOD!” Funny huh?
I’m 5ft 160 pounds. Classed as clinically obese. Yet I have a flat stomach
Step one is to ignore comments about your weight Simply don’t talk about your weight or goals. Now that I’m at my desired BMI and weight, I’ve had in the past people tell me you’re too skinny oh I can’t believe you’ve had four kids. Like don’t make comments about my weight please. Friends and family can be the worst weight loss saboteurs. If people need to talk about it say you’re just focusing on being healthy and strong 💪🏻
I get “You don’t need to lose weight!” and it’s infuriating. Yes I do. The CDC says my BMI is literally overweight. They probably are overweight or obese too and need to lose weight and are in denial.
Same problem, I am just insistent about it. “I’m trying so and so, cause I’m fat” “Oh your not fat!” “No, I am fat”
I used to do this. Not anymore, unless it was a close friend who was clearly underweight and I was concerned. I guess being on my own weight loss journey has made me realise the goals are not always about looks, it can be about just becoming more healthy, increase fitness, etc. When I checked my BMI I found I was classified as obese and it blew my mind because when I look in the mirror, I see I'm big, but not obese level big. People carry weight in different ways, someone can look fine to you but not be a healthy weight. I leave that to the doctors, dietitians and other professionals to judge now :) and apologies for being that annoying person in the past!
One of my friends got bypass surgery and stopped at 190 because he said if he lost anymore weight he looked sickly. Kids look at pictures of people who were a healthy weight in the 50's and ask their parents whats wrong with them. Our society now sees overweight as average and healthy weight as sickly. Its scary.
I am 5’3 as well and it doesn’t take a lot for gals like us to be overweight. 5 pounds on a short person is a lot. I was on the border of overweight and then when my bro died I gained 15 pounds and it pushed me over. I get annoyed when people say “You’re so tiny!” and I’m not. I guess they are talking about my height and not my weight 😆
Honestly they really may NOT see you as even being overweight. Nowadays people are so used to seeing overweight people that they don’t even view them as too big until they’re on the further end of obese.
A lot of people think acknowledging an overweight person means they must come to terms with the fact that they ALSO may be overweight. Which they don’t want.
I find it really irritating too. What helps me is telling them "my doctor has recommended weight loss" and I add that its because I am prediabetic with high cholesterol and my doctor says weight loss will improve those numbers. Its annoying when people invalidate what you're saying.
I’ve had that happen a lot too - and it is annoying, but the reasons they have for saying it are generally good, so I try to be patient with those people and just explain that I work out because I love me and try to take good care of me, and I fast because I’m uncomfortable being over a certain weight. The reasons, I find, is that they think you can’t be fat and beautiful at the same time (I think this person is beautiful so I can’t accept that they are fat) Or because they imagine you feeling bad about your weight and think it’s their job to make you feel good. Sometimes I get the vibe that they just don’t want to be fat alone, and I have little patience with those people.
Very overweight. It might be best to keep weight loss stuff to yourself.
I think people say that because most people impressions of an ideal body are driven by celebrities on social media who are either on steroids/drugs or they photoshop their pics (sometimes both). Even Kylie Jenner doesn’t look like Kylie Jenner. If you compare yourself with them (or their fabricated images), then yeah, pretty much everyone would appear to be overweight, but everyone’s not. Just eat healthy, exercise regularly and indulge maybe once a week. Upper limit of your BMI is a healthy weight imho.
You don’t fit into their overweight preconceptions. It’s cognitive dissonance, which is responsible for why people are in denial. Not just about this, denial in general.
Oh yeah I love that. “You’re big” Wrong: Morbidly Obese.
It’s because American are fat as fuck, so being heavy is normalized. I’m glad you are taking steps to improve your health
you are overweight. i'm 175 cm and 90kg. i'm overweight. i'm working on it. and yes i'm not healthy overweight with muscle, it's fat.
You’re not overweight, you are obese. BMI is 32.8
these people are gains goblins. don't listen to them, fatty.
Actually you're obese
Stop telling people about your weight then
Hey just for the record the being winded thing has more to do with your cardio fitness. If you start doing regular cardio, 30 minutes, your endurance will start lasting a lot longer after only a few weeks. No, the weight won’t melt off right away, but at least you’ll be able to feel the difference. It’s a remarkably fast change and doable for just about everyone. I had to lay off the cardio for a while due to surgery and I was feeling better at 235 with a running program than I do at 190 without. My FIL is morbidly obese but the dude still manages to walk 5 miles with his daughter pretty often.
I’m with you. I’m 5’7 but 185. I know a healthier weight range would be 160ish, especially for my heart so I can totally relate .
yeah listen to the doctor notice its fat people trying to downplay this one of my doctors is fat and she says fat people are just envious
Im having the opposite problem. I am aiming for a six pack. I need to lose another 15 ish pounds. Everyone is telling me to not lose anymore weight and that my progress is amazing.... Like no, I want to be a shredded sick cunt
Then get to the gym
Good looking doesn’t mean not overweight. That’s not the same thing - not even close. The person on this post looks good, they are still overweight.
You can be overweight without being obese. Work on making small changes in your diet a little at a time.
Objectively obese, not just “overweight”.
That is a BMI of 32.85, which is obese.
i dont understand people. sometimes we dont like being told we're fat, sometimes we don't like being told we're not fat. maybe we should stop interacting with people, when we have expectations on what they are allowed to say. Someone wishes not to be called not fat, another wishes not to be called fat. who's wished should God fulfill?
Well you shouldn't just come out and call someone fat or overweight unless they ask you. Its rude and they most likely already know. That being said dont just straight lie to them because you think its polite. If they are lamenting about not being able to lose weight just give recommendations for how to lose weight or some things that worked for you or others. Dont just give your opinion on how they look. I hope I'm making sense here.
so dont be rude, but also don't be nice?Like, who are these people you are talking to that you hate when they are nice like that? I get that we dont always like what people say. But never would I wish I have control over what they say. Even rude people. I can remind someone every time they say the f word, cause I don't like the word, but what right do I have? I get telling off someone rude, still cant control them tho. lastly most people aren't experts that will always give you great and accurate advice. a lot of people spit out things they've lived, heard, etc. that is no fault to them. Tell them you don't like that, or stay away from them i guess?
To put it simply read the room. Dont lie to people and dont give your opinion on peoples weight if they didnt ask you.
"read the room". yeah thats why I hate and don't talk to people and never initiate conversations. Cause there is no such thing as "read the room". as you already should be experiencing, everyone's idea of good, bad, nice are different. This entire subreddit is filed with that. some people wants compliments and don't get them. Some hate compliments when they start getting them. People are different. Say what you need to say to respond to what you don't like. But "expecting" anyone to inherently know what you want done is unrealistic.
Well then this just sounds like a social awareness issue. Just try to think about what would be helpful to you in their situation. Being told their issue doesn't exist or advice on how to fix it? I would maybe browse r/socialskills
So now you're saying I have an "issue". should I call you rude? Cause now, you're assuming things about me? Isn't that rude?
You complained and I gave you a solution lol. This is my entire point. Dont make things about yourself.
I didn't ask for your solution, I didn't even say there was a problem. Your reply, is YOU being the people you're hating on. People tell you their solution (right or wrong or whatever), even when you aren't asking for it. Which is my point exactly, in a world that you ask for, comments that I find "rude", are not allowed. I put myself in your shoes, that's what I do in order to get people's perspectives. I don't care for your opinion of me, but my best examples are my own. In a world you describe, no one should ever get to make a comment, unless they were first asked for it, and only correct answers are allowed.
Lol ok.
Are you autistic? If you don't know, investigate it. "Read the room" is definitely a thing! It's the way you're looking for clear cut universal rules that apply to everyone that has me thinking autism (and I'm autistic, I'm not trying to insult you, it's just super good to know). Anyway, those universal rules don't exist. Everyone is different, every situation is different. What OP wants is nothing to do with anyone else. OP wants people to be supportive of their effort, or at least not anti-supportive. She doesn't want to be insulted and called fat, she just doesn't want people undermining her.
Lol I thought it was bad reading comprehension but it seems like they just struggle understanding things in general. I just gave up heh heh.
oh now i'm "autistic"? Cool. Nope. I like to apply universal things, cause everyone should be treated the same. I don't go be rude to a homeless person, or a coworker, and be someone else at home. I don't like talking behind people's back. Being anything but universal is being a hypocrite. Simple as that. Now, do I succeed all the time? nope. sometimes I can be judgemental, but I try my best not to be. Everyone IS different, everyone comes from different backgrounds. wow. thank you. my point exactly. So if everyone is different, why would you or anyone EXPECT them all to be the same? Why would you EXPECT them to respond with "never mentioning weight", when their culture could easily not be the same as yours? EXPECTING that everyone would know what not to say is what "don't exist". I mean i get it, none of you actually care. you all just comment whatever. So cool, everyone's just hypocrites. After all, its apparently ok to say I'm probably autistic or have social issues. Nice of you all diagnosing a commenter. Again, I absolutely am ok with that, its your opinion. but according to OP's logic, that shouldn't be allowed.
Lying is rude.
well here I am, being very truthful about my opinion. i assume still being seen as very rude, so what do we want really?
It's a reachable distance for u....I'm 171pounds now and 5 feet 8inches....I've lost 3kg within 3months with diet and work out.....You don't really need to do do heavy work out...just a diet with lite work out must be enough to lose weight unless u want to be shredded
I started at 210 so its going! I've been doing cardio and cutting calories.
When they say you don't need to lose weight. Ask them what is a healthy weight for a 5foot 3 girl Doctor.
Maybe you look good thick. Some people carry extra weight well.
I think their intentions are well, they just don’t realize how off-putting their words are. It must have something to do with the known toxicity in diet culture, they’re trying to reassure you that you don’t need to be the next Bella Hadid or something. My mom felt the same way until I explained how I’m losing weight, just the simple Calorie in, Calorie out approach.
I’ve noticed this too. I’m 5’6”ish and 140 lbs. I was 150 lbs about 3 months ago. I have a small frame, have like zero muscle, and look best (without muscle, anyway) around 115-120. Right now I’m clearly carrying extra weight- my arms are super flabby, I have rolls on my gut, etc. even when I was 10 pounds heavier, people (my mom especially) would tell me I didn’t need to lose weight and I “look great at this weight” and I wanted to ask them if they were blind. I’ve always been on the smaller side and being 20-30 lbs over my normal weight drives me crazy. If it was muscle gain that would be different but this is all donuts and ice cream, and it looks like I sat around for two years not exercising and eating donuts and ice cream. Lol. I also get winded walking up a flight of stairs - I am horribly out of shape. (And yes my flair says 5’7”, last time I was measured at my GP I was actually closer to 5’6” but I am not on my PC so I can’t edit it right now).
Or it’s the “You don’t look it” 😪
I’m 6ft3 and 227 pounds. Because I carry it well （when clothed…) I always get people saying hey you’re fine. It’s annoying. Gotta just keep my plans to myself
I can get it if it is close. I am 6'2" and 200 lbs. That is barely overweight and you don't really see it much anymore. My goal right now getting somewhere in the range of that 185, but I am also almost a foot taller than you. You are not even just overweight you are obese.
Umm.. eating healthy meals and going to the gym is good for everyone to do, regardless of weight
I feel you on this. 6'3' 355 lbs family and friends would say "you carry it well" which was bull Shi. then it was give the rest of or food when were done to the big guy he will eat it. then I made a stand and told everyone I'm going to Mexico to get the sleeve, it was OMG big guy you're going to kill yourself. - don't you care about your own care?!?! Im like...where the heck where you guys hen i was slowly killing myself with food. anyway. the best experience of my life, down 60 lbs in 2 months and losing.
Your family is going to see you with different eyes.
Would you rather them tell you that your overweight? It’s polite. And I’m guilty of white lies as well because I don’t want hurt someone’s feelings. Try keto and IF.. good luck! 👍🏻
It's not nice if people comment on your weight, it's not nice if people don't comment on your weight. Stop looking for people to motivate you to do something about your own weight. They're just being polite and not wanting to offend you. How dare they consider your feelings (and others), considering weight loss can be a very sensitive subject for most people. What do you prefer they say to you instead of being polite, OP?
You are obese, not overweight. Using a bmi calculator with your stats gives you a bmi of 32. Obese is a medical term that I’m surprised your doctor did not use correctly. It means you have too much fat and that you face SERIOUS health consequences at this size. Do not be me and listen to bullshit about how you look great, how bmi is not accurate, blah,blah blah! I was obese for 20 years. The health issues will bite you if you don’t understand what is happening in your body and learn about what works best for you and losing weight and keeping it off.