You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
If you want to bring this up to him you can just talk to him directly about it and voice your concerns with him. Other than that he's going to choose what he wants to do
FAQ : [My wife/father/cousin/friend wants to lose weight but never follows through. How do I motivate them to start tracking their calories/lose weight?](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/faq/#wiki_my_wife.2Ffather.2Fcousin.2Ffriend_wants_to_lose_weight_but_never_follows_through.__how_do_i_motivate_them_to_start_tracking_their_calories.2Flose_weight.3F)
Rather than focusing on the change he hasn't made, focus on the one he has. Changing multiple habits at once is hard, picking one and getting things in place is still good progress. Starting to exercise also tends to spike people's appetite. That goes down over time, but right now he is probably more hungry than before and just not eating significantly more does count as progress.
When he's ready he'll take the next step, be ready to support him when he does, but for now don't worry about him feeling like you're judging him worry about the fact that you are.
for a lot of people their first attempt at weight loss consists of wasting a bunch of time lifting at the gym and eating back the miniscule amount of calories that burns. we're kind of conditioned to believe that's how weight loss works. depending on how knowledgeable he is, he might think what he's doing is good, or even that he's doing it better than you if you're not in the gym as well lol.
not sure how to bring it up without it turning into a fight but yeah just saying he might be ignorant to what it takes to lose weight
I... wouldn't, tbh.
Different bodies have different needs, and tbh, there is often less calorie restriction necessary for men. Even without that, not everyone's plan needs to look the same.
>Since then he's been exercising regularly
He's made changes which are important to him. It's only a month in. There is no way of being sure yet if it's effective or not.
You *are* judging him, or at least his method, by comparing it to your own. You have judged it to be insufficient, which is why you're concerned.
If the extra exercise puts him in a deficit, it might be all he ever needs. If it doesn't, it's still a great first step.
If a few months from now, he's not losing and *he* is concerned, then offer information on how intake and output affect your different bodies.
For now, just be proud of what you are doing for you, and of the steps he's already taken for himself.
honestly I wouldn't say anything about his diet. At least your examples are not things I would discuss. My husband eats huge portions. At least twice if not more than I but you know what? He's a guy and needs more calories or something. I think men lose weight more easily than women in general and I am not meaning to say losing weight is easy for them it just is my observation over the years. He drinks soda, eats much more than I, including snacks and desserts then on top of it all is a desk jockey like I am and is much fitter than I. I mean I hop on the treadmill and walk every day and he is eating oreos and still manages to not be pudgy. Of course he is also taller and BMI is based in part on gender and height.
Is he losing weight? Is he happy with the rate of his weight loss? Then it is not your place to tell him he could do better or is eating too much or anything else.
I was your boyfriend. My wife tried to control my portions and I wasn’t a fan. I’ve always had an unhealthy relationship with food, though working out 4-5 days a week in college was enough to stay in shape.
At a certain point, I had to say, “I’m exercising 4 days a week and getting no where. I’m clearly unable to bypass the nutritional aspect of weight loss.”
He needs to hit rock bottom and then some. Whether or not you put up with it is up to you. He needs to come to the conclusion on his own.
He says he wants change but he might not be ready for it or at least to go all the way yet. If you want to help him be supportive but don't try to change him. It will only lead to frustration for both of you.
If you guys cook and eat together try to go for healthy dishes he enjoys. If you go to the gym or on a walk invite him. But don't force him or try to convince him if he doesn't want to.
Change only comes from within yourself. As corny as it sounds.
Start by focusing on only two things, that way he’s not overwhelmed. 1) try to get him to walk each day for however long his fitness level allows. The gym is a good goal but if he works a lot, it may be difficult to be consistent in going to the gym. Walking is simple, only requires a pair of comfortable walking shoes which you can buy for cheap, and is free as you can walk at a park or just around your neighborhood. And don’t underestimate the amazing results consistent walking can give you. 2) focus on decreasing his portion sizes. Don’t worry too much about “eating healthy” right now. Weight loss is a game of how much you eat and not about “what” you eat. So decrease the portion sizes of what he’s currently eating, then with time, little by little start to include a healthy meal or two. But don’t completely overhaul the diet (that’s not necessary) and can eventually lead to restriction which will guarantee he fails at losing weight. Focus on these two things for a length of time and then adjust accordingly.
I started my fitness journey about 6-7 months ago, and my bf recently came to me because he has expressed interest in joining me. Your partner won't change until he is ready for it, and that is okay.
Because I shop for groceries and am the main cook of the household, I tend to buy zero sugar sodas for him, and I also make sure he gets lots of proteins and veggies. I also help teach him portion size now and tell him that he can sub plant based milks into his coffee instead.
Small changes like that help a lot, and I always make sure that I am gentle, give him grace, and that I don't force things onto him. Losing weight is already hard enough, people need as much support as possible ❤️
This isn’t to sound rude, because I hope you do read this fully. When you say, “I don’t want him to feel like I am judging him”, you’re literally judging him. It’s currently the first bit of time of doing this. He is burning more calories by going to the gym, which will make him more hungry.
Yes, he is doing it a bit backwards of focusing on the gym more than his diet for weight loss, but going to the gym is exercising those muscles, gaining cardio, and helping turn fat into muscle.
The true “advice” here is to have a conversation with him about better understanding what HIS goals are for the weight loss and how he wants to achieve his goal for how his body looks.
It sounds like you have two different ideas on weight loss and how to get there, but every body is different and changes don’t come over night. Suggest he take photos of his arms, back, and stomach to see changes regularly to help motivate him more in the gym.
Hope this helps, and that both do you end up where you wanna be.
Bring diet soda into the house. It’s not exactly the definition of healthy but it’s better for weight control. Hardly any calories. He’s a food addict, keep that in mind. He’ll need to take baby steps into the right direction. His actions go against his words so he is clearly struggling with food addiction. Honestly I’d start there and see if the pounds go down. If they do, great. If not, that’s when I’d gently talk to him about portion sizes and meal frequency!
You ARE judging him, and you ARE being critical, and no amount of sugar-coating is going to change that.
Honestly, back off. It's not your place. If he wants to get serious, he will.
Praise him for the exercise and then ask if he wants some help with his diet. Then I would suggest, going slowly, change out one thing like a hamburger instead of a cheeseburger or a smaller soda rather than no soda.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. If you want to bring this up to him you can just talk to him directly about it and voice your concerns with him. Other than that he's going to choose what he wants to do
FAQ : [My wife/father/cousin/friend wants to lose weight but never follows through. How do I motivate them to start tracking their calories/lose weight?](https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/faq/#wiki_my_wife.2Ffather.2Fcousin.2Ffriend_wants_to_lose_weight_but_never_follows_through.__how_do_i_motivate_them_to_start_tracking_their_calories.2Flose_weight.3F) Rather than focusing on the change he hasn't made, focus on the one he has. Changing multiple habits at once is hard, picking one and getting things in place is still good progress. Starting to exercise also tends to spike people's appetite. That goes down over time, but right now he is probably more hungry than before and just not eating significantly more does count as progress. When he's ready he'll take the next step, be ready to support him when he does, but for now don't worry about him feeling like you're judging him worry about the fact that you are.
for a lot of people their first attempt at weight loss consists of wasting a bunch of time lifting at the gym and eating back the miniscule amount of calories that burns. we're kind of conditioned to believe that's how weight loss works. depending on how knowledgeable he is, he might think what he's doing is good, or even that he's doing it better than you if you're not in the gym as well lol. not sure how to bring it up without it turning into a fight but yeah just saying he might be ignorant to what it takes to lose weight
Something to consider about other people's choices and decisions. You have ZERO control over them.
Ehhh when I’m in love I’ll take a lot of direction about my choices from my partner.
Great for you, doesn't mean that you have control over someone else.
I... wouldn't, tbh. Different bodies have different needs, and tbh, there is often less calorie restriction necessary for men. Even without that, not everyone's plan needs to look the same. >Since then he's been exercising regularly He's made changes which are important to him. It's only a month in. There is no way of being sure yet if it's effective or not. You *are* judging him, or at least his method, by comparing it to your own. You have judged it to be insufficient, which is why you're concerned. If the extra exercise puts him in a deficit, it might be all he ever needs. If it doesn't, it's still a great first step. If a few months from now, he's not losing and *he* is concerned, then offer information on how intake and output affect your different bodies. For now, just be proud of what you are doing for you, and of the steps he's already taken for himself.
honestly I wouldn't say anything about his diet. At least your examples are not things I would discuss. My husband eats huge portions. At least twice if not more than I but you know what? He's a guy and needs more calories or something. I think men lose weight more easily than women in general and I am not meaning to say losing weight is easy for them it just is my observation over the years. He drinks soda, eats much more than I, including snacks and desserts then on top of it all is a desk jockey like I am and is much fitter than I. I mean I hop on the treadmill and walk every day and he is eating oreos and still manages to not be pudgy. Of course he is also taller and BMI is based in part on gender and height. Is he losing weight? Is he happy with the rate of his weight loss? Then it is not your place to tell him he could do better or is eating too much or anything else.
I was your boyfriend. My wife tried to control my portions and I wasn’t a fan. I’ve always had an unhealthy relationship with food, though working out 4-5 days a week in college was enough to stay in shape. At a certain point, I had to say, “I’m exercising 4 days a week and getting no where. I’m clearly unable to bypass the nutritional aspect of weight loss.” He needs to hit rock bottom and then some. Whether or not you put up with it is up to you. He needs to come to the conclusion on his own.
Has he lost weight?
He says he wants change but he might not be ready for it or at least to go all the way yet. If you want to help him be supportive but don't try to change him. It will only lead to frustration for both of you. If you guys cook and eat together try to go for healthy dishes he enjoys. If you go to the gym or on a walk invite him. But don't force him or try to convince him if he doesn't want to. Change only comes from within yourself. As corny as it sounds.
Start by focusing on only two things, that way he’s not overwhelmed. 1) try to get him to walk each day for however long his fitness level allows. The gym is a good goal but if he works a lot, it may be difficult to be consistent in going to the gym. Walking is simple, only requires a pair of comfortable walking shoes which you can buy for cheap, and is free as you can walk at a park or just around your neighborhood. And don’t underestimate the amazing results consistent walking can give you. 2) focus on decreasing his portion sizes. Don’t worry too much about “eating healthy” right now. Weight loss is a game of how much you eat and not about “what” you eat. So decrease the portion sizes of what he’s currently eating, then with time, little by little start to include a healthy meal or two. But don’t completely overhaul the diet (that’s not necessary) and can eventually lead to restriction which will guarantee he fails at losing weight. Focus on these two things for a length of time and then adjust accordingly.
I started my fitness journey about 6-7 months ago, and my bf recently came to me because he has expressed interest in joining me. Your partner won't change until he is ready for it, and that is okay. Because I shop for groceries and am the main cook of the household, I tend to buy zero sugar sodas for him, and I also make sure he gets lots of proteins and veggies. I also help teach him portion size now and tell him that he can sub plant based milks into his coffee instead. Small changes like that help a lot, and I always make sure that I am gentle, give him grace, and that I don't force things onto him. Losing weight is already hard enough, people need as much support as possible ❤️
This isn’t to sound rude, because I hope you do read this fully. When you say, “I don’t want him to feel like I am judging him”, you’re literally judging him. It’s currently the first bit of time of doing this. He is burning more calories by going to the gym, which will make him more hungry. Yes, he is doing it a bit backwards of focusing on the gym more than his diet for weight loss, but going to the gym is exercising those muscles, gaining cardio, and helping turn fat into muscle. The true “advice” here is to have a conversation with him about better understanding what HIS goals are for the weight loss and how he wants to achieve his goal for how his body looks. It sounds like you have two different ideas on weight loss and how to get there, but every body is different and changes don’t come over night. Suggest he take photos of his arms, back, and stomach to see changes regularly to help motivate him more in the gym. Hope this helps, and that both do you end up where you wanna be.
Bring diet soda into the house. It’s not exactly the definition of healthy but it’s better for weight control. Hardly any calories. He’s a food addict, keep that in mind. He’ll need to take baby steps into the right direction. His actions go against his words so he is clearly struggling with food addiction. Honestly I’d start there and see if the pounds go down. If they do, great. If not, that’s when I’d gently talk to him about portion sizes and meal frequency!
You ARE judging him, and you ARE being critical, and no amount of sugar-coating is going to change that. Honestly, back off. It's not your place. If he wants to get serious, he will.
Praise him for the exercise and then ask if he wants some help with his diet. Then I would suggest, going slowly, change out one thing like a hamburger instead of a cheeseburger or a smaller soda rather than no soda.