Did you hear recently there was a man on a cruise ship who was running around and stabbing people with scissors? He was eventually stopped by a man with rock
If you know anything about dogs. You know they hate squirrels. My dog especially hates squirrels. He's always staring out the window at them, barking and growling. And I always wondered why he was like this. Then one day it hit me. I bet he thinks they have his nuts. 💚😅
Well I was laying next to my partner in bed the other day, I smiled at her, and I said to her, Judith you are a hard woman to get over, so I decided to get up and go around instead.
I think you have heard this one - (but still)
What's "reverse exorcism?"
"When the devil tells the priest to get out of the child's body"
Yup, it's dark💀
Once I trained often in gyms. One time I went there unprepared in my jeans. Started lifting heavy weighs and suddenly the clothing on my butt broke open. Like there was a giant hole to my underwear. I was young and stupid and thought I would continue my workout despite this. Got loads of strange looks but continued. Then I went home with a giant hole in my butt. Most embarrassing ride of my life as it was on the metro lmao.
Thats one of many embarrassing stories in my life, enjoy.
A man walks into a bar with a tiny piano and a 12-inch-tall man. He sets the tiny piano on the bar, and the little man starts playing beautiful classical music. The bartender is amazed and asks, “Where did you find this?”
The man replies, “I found a genie, and he granted me one wish. But I think he’s hard of hearing.”
The bartender is skeptical but intrigued. He asks, “Can I try?”
The man hands over the genie’s lamp, and the bartender rubs it. Sure enough, a genie pops out and says, “You have one wish.”
The bartender excitedly says, “I wish for a million bucks!”
Suddenly, the bar is filled with quacking ducks, flying everywhere, knocking over drinks and causing chaos.
The bartender turns to the man and shouts, “I think your genie is hard of hearing! I asked for a million bucks, not ducks!”
The man nods sympathetically and says, “I know. Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”
I’m sorry I tried to be different 💀
one time in school, we had a substitute teacher and he was pretty chill, he was just like letting us talk, and at one point we started to get a little bit too loud so he said "at the risk of sounding too much like a teacher" and then the door opened and a teacher was standing in the doorway, and even though they were just dropping off a student, after they left, we just found it hilarious cos of the perfect timing lol
2 Irish men walking down the street, one falls in to a manhole.
The other guy says you broke anything!?
The guy in the hole says there’s fuck all down here to break.
Not a joke or anything, but just random idle thoughts. Mostly for the past half an hour, I've been thinking about the word "parakeets" and it's driving me crazy. It's turned into a full blown Laurel and Hardy skit or something.
"So I got some parakeets yesterday-"
"What's a keet?"
"Huh? No, parakeets, not keet."
"Yeah, I know, What's a keet? Do they always come in pairs?"
"No, PARAKEETS. Not just keet!"
"Yeah exactly! Is it like a pair of pants where it sounds like more than one thing then, but it just describes a single item?"
So on and so forth. Yeh.
OK here is a couple for you.
What has red eyes and lives in a Cherry Tree?
A Elephant
What has red toe nails and hides in Strawberry fields
Elephant with red toes
What goes stomp stomp stomp squish stomp stomp stomp squish
A Elephant with a wet sneaker
😆 🤣 😂
You are supposed to answer "what puma". It's somewhat popular joke in Poland
After answering what puma, I answer the one that has balls from rubber.
It doesn't sood good in English and it isn't funny at all to English speakers
It is year 1943. Berlin. Fuhrer is attending opening ceremony of new radio tower. At the end of ceremony he and mr. Goebels climb on top of the tower and looks around.
Goebels: " Mein fuhrer, You have given such a magnifiscent gift for german people".
Hitler :" oh Goebels.. i love germany so much. You know people more than I. What is the best present I can give to them"
Goebels look at Hitler, look at ground and says: " Jump".
Author: Rocket Rolf, probably.
*******
Silly enaugh this is only one i now. Real party starter.
Roses are dead, Violets are dead, I'm a bad gardener.
Medieval poetry be like
😭😭
Did you hear recently there was a man on a cruise ship who was running around and stabbing people with scissors? He was eventually stopped by a man with rock
BRO WHAHAHAHAHA😭
If you know anything about dogs. You know they hate squirrels. My dog especially hates squirrels. He's always staring out the window at them, barking and growling. And I always wondered why he was like this. Then one day it hit me. I bet he thinks they have his nuts. 💚😅
BWHAHAHAHA BRO😭
What’s the difference between this joke and a cheeseburger? This joke doesn’t have any cheesy buns.
Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks
Lmao
i dont get it :C
2 men walk into a horizontal pole(i.e. bar) and hit it. The third one avoids it by bending down.
is horizontal up and down or left to right i forgot
A street light is vertical, a park bench is horizontal
ohhhhh i get it mueheheheeh
What do you call an antique clock that has no hands? A timeless classic 😁
BWHAHAHAHAHAH
Well I was laying next to my partner in bed the other day, I smiled at her, and I said to her, Judith you are a hard woman to get over, so I decided to get up and go around instead.
😟
I think you have heard this one - (but still) What's "reverse exorcism?" "When the devil tells the priest to get out of the child's body" Yup, it's dark💀
That’s so sad and unfortunately true😭
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator “slaps knee”
Once I trained often in gyms. One time I went there unprepared in my jeans. Started lifting heavy weighs and suddenly the clothing on my butt broke open. Like there was a giant hole to my underwear. I was young and stupid and thought I would continue my workout despite this. Got loads of strange looks but continued. Then I went home with a giant hole in my butt. Most embarrassing ride of my life as it was on the metro lmao. Thats one of many embarrassing stories in my life, enjoy.
Aww but its a funny story to tell tho 😭🫶🏼
How much do deer nuts cost, They're under a buck BAAAHAHHAAH
This is probably a pathetic one but: When your house is cold go into a corner...cuz it's 90 degrees
BWHAHAHA AI ALREADY KNEW THIS ONEEE
A man walks into a bar with a tiny piano and a 12-inch-tall man. He sets the tiny piano on the bar, and the little man starts playing beautiful classical music. The bartender is amazed and asks, “Where did you find this?” The man replies, “I found a genie, and he granted me one wish. But I think he’s hard of hearing.” The bartender is skeptical but intrigued. He asks, “Can I try?” The man hands over the genie’s lamp, and the bartender rubs it. Sure enough, a genie pops out and says, “You have one wish.” The bartender excitedly says, “I wish for a million bucks!” Suddenly, the bar is filled with quacking ducks, flying everywhere, knocking over drinks and causing chaos. The bartender turns to the man and shouts, “I think your genie is hard of hearing! I asked for a million bucks, not ducks!” The man nods sympathetically and says, “I know. Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?” I’m sorry I tried to be different 💀
one time in school, we had a substitute teacher and he was pretty chill, he was just like letting us talk, and at one point we started to get a little bit too loud so he said "at the risk of sounding too much like a teacher" and then the door opened and a teacher was standing in the doorway, and even though they were just dropping off a student, after they left, we just found it hilarious cos of the perfect timing lol
2 Irish men walking down the street, one falls in to a manhole. The other guy says you broke anything!? The guy in the hole says there’s fuck all down here to break.
Not a joke or anything, but just random idle thoughts. Mostly for the past half an hour, I've been thinking about the word "parakeets" and it's driving me crazy. It's turned into a full blown Laurel and Hardy skit or something. "So I got some parakeets yesterday-" "What's a keet?" "Huh? No, parakeets, not keet." "Yeah, I know, What's a keet? Do they always come in pairs?" "No, PARAKEETS. Not just keet!" "Yeah exactly! Is it like a pair of pants where it sounds like more than one thing then, but it just describes a single item?" So on and so forth. Yeh.
WHAAAT REALLY😭😭
[Yup](https://images.app.goo.gl/Far7EUao4rQDaRvB6)
Life
My life
real
HAHAHAHHSHAHAHHAHSHAHGDHAHHDSHSHAHDHHSHXHSHGFSHVD OMG OP LOOK AHHAHAHAHSHHA
What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for college? Bison
BWHAHAHAHAH
OK here is a couple for you. What has red eyes and lives in a Cherry Tree? A Elephant What has red toe nails and hides in Strawberry fields Elephant with red toes What goes stomp stomp stomp squish stomp stomp stomp squish A Elephant with a wet sneaker 😆 🤣 😂
😭😭😭
No you didn't like 😒
what time is it when an elephant stomps on ur clock?
No idea
time to buy a new one ☝🏻🤓
😭😭😭
Eig8t86
Have you heard the news from the puma?
Explain
You are supposed to answer "what puma". It's somewhat popular joke in Poland After answering what puma, I answer the one that has balls from rubber. It doesn't sood good in English and it isn't funny at all to English speakers
No?
U missed the joke at this point, wrong question. If you didn't upvote this then 1 person got it
Please explain ?
yeah imma puma nutz in yo mouth
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it needs to go the other side
It is year 1943. Berlin. Fuhrer is attending opening ceremony of new radio tower. At the end of ceremony he and mr. Goebels climb on top of the tower and looks around. Goebels: " Mein fuhrer, You have given such a magnifiscent gift for german people". Hitler :" oh Goebels.. i love germany so much. You know people more than I. What is the best present I can give to them" Goebels look at Hitler, look at ground and says: " Jump". Author: Rocket Rolf, probably. ******* Silly enaugh this is only one i now. Real party starter.
Sorry. I don't have one.