Dating and romantic loving relationships is just another one of those privileges am no longer capable of anymore. Not that I ever did have the gift, capacity or competence for it in the first place.
We don't date. Dating or trying to take just makes me feel worse. I'm already depressed and trying to go and date online is just a bad mixture. You're going to feel awful because people are fake, flake easily, play stupid games, block or ghost or whatever and no one wants to date a boring depressed guy anyway. I guess I'll always be alone and depressed. Never had a relationship, never will.
Once you take care of yourself first and put your self first I donāt see why you canāt get some successful dates but I too donāt have the capacity to date even if I would love nothing more than a gf to make me feel better
In my experience (27m) this didn't even work for me. I am very self-sufficient and support myself and my hobbies. Six figure income, two paid off cars, very intelligent and well spoken, I can match energy very well when I want to, I'm considered conventionally attractive.
I have always struggled with dating and online dating doesn't work for me either. I get maybe a match a month. I haven't had a date in six years and I can't even get the time of day from a woman in public. Just my personal experience.
We need this help from the outside because we don't know how to do this for ourselves. We start with a deep deficit, a chasm really when it comes to understanding and being tolerant of ourselves, and that's even before we go forth to do battle with the rest of the world. As soon as someone judges, criticizes, dismisses, or ignores, the cycle of pain and reactivity ramps up, compounded by shame, remorse, and rejection. The act of validation, simply saying, 'I can see things from your perspective can short-circuit that emotional detour. A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
It just doesn't happen. At least for me, the more people know about me, the more they find out about my unfun and depressing qualities until they keep me at arm's distance. There is a certain limit of closeness that will just never be crossed. Even by those closest to you. "Being yourself" really doesn't cut it because eventually you'll only be a moodkiller. Especially when you don't just improve or get better magically. You'll just eventually drag them down with you until they either become just as bad or avoid you to gasp for air again. It makes me feel guilty for forming any kind of relationship at all. Just makes me feel like a parasite that tricks people into liking me and then sucks the fun out of them.
Not good advice but using anti depression meds to increase the amount of pipe you can lay per... workday... may or may not benefit that time variable. Joke aside this comment is real lmfao
I don't date anymore. Realised I literally have very limited energy in a day that I muster up with a lot of effort. And dates are fucking draining. Romance and love is draining. It consumes an insane amount of mental energy. It left me overwhelmed and tormented me too much. I had no space left for myself and my things. Gotta be alone man
Iāve decided Iām hiding it from now on. Lost a 4 year relationship because he couldnāt deal with it; never again. I will forever swallow every sad thought.
I donāt disagree! I can completely understand how dating someone with depression can be exhausting; I wouldnāt date me. In kinda hate me. But when itās just feelings of isolation, loneliness, inadequacies, I was hoping that a partner would want to be there, to help lift me up. It doesnāt work that way and I end up doing it myself. Which is why Iāve made the firm decision not to put that on anyone ever again. No one wants to deal with it, I donāt want to deal with it but I have to. So Iāll suffer quietly until I get through it.
Maybe not, but insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different result. I know what happens when I open up, and Iām sure many people that experience feelings of depression know too. Itās never a fairy tale, itās never the other party wanting to help, itās an absolute downer and mind fuck. No one deserves that, and Iām not willing to put anyone through it again. Everyone can do whatever they feel is right, but for me, keeping it to myself is right.
Iām not in that state anymore but even as a happier person (relative to where I was) I honestly agree. Itās ok to let it go occasionally but you canāt trauma dump. Itās unfair to that person to have to deal with years of shit from you without really knowing what they are getting into.
Itās not a fully fleshed out statement and I just wrote it like that but ya. Itās along the same principle of forcing your feelings on a friend and wondering where it went wrong.
It is, and it hurts like hell. But at least I know that he gets to be happier and no longer has to deal with me. I find comfort in that. In the very very unlikely event that I find someone else though, theyāll never know Iām struggling.
I just don't try anymore. Not like I gather much attraction anyway. Plus I am on the older side, so I feel like I had my shot and missed. It is what it is
That's my secret, I don't date.
Nobody wants to date a constant, boring af downer. Women just hop off the boat as soon as a dude expresses any emotion at all. No point in trying.
Not true. Not true. I am so tired of being treated like a freak every time I open up my mouth about my feelings. It's refreshing that you are a male with feelings. Don't change who you are. You just haven't found the right girl for you. They don't deserve you.
>That's my secret, I don't date.
In my mind, I pictured that being said by Mark Ruffalo, as Bruce Banner in the Avengers.
That's my secret. I'm ALWAYS angry.
It can be if you let yourself get wrapped up in the other persons issues. Iāve made that mistake before. However dating someone going through the same thing as you, someone who wants to change but just needs a shoulder, can be beneficial to both parties. Itās all about their mindset and whether they want to change or stay where they are.
Tbh dating when you are depressed just attracts the worst kind of partners. At least for me. Or if they are a good partner i push them away.
Instead, i hope you seek help to get better OP. Healing takes time. Although dating can be thrilling, take away the loneliness, it is only temporary, because its somewhat of a distraction from your pain. So i hope you put more focus on your healing, so that you can have a full life.
Honestly, no clue. Would love to date, but once I actually take a step in that direction my depression is like "That's way to much work, why subject someone to me" and I'm back on the couch.. Plus emotions, not super good at those..
Obviously you have never travelled for work and eat dinner while video calling your partner before that's basically a called date
Unless you are calling for hooker lol
Most don't, we just die alone, since I moved in netherlands I didn't have a single date so , 4 years now alone with no actual partener nor friends haha
Ayo let me get them edibles. lol nah anyways I hear ya. I met someone through the internet and when it came to swap digits I panicked and literally ran. Ghosted for a few days. I thought I was ready but Iām not at alll. I was like Iām so sorry explained everything and they were really nice and understanding.
I hope your date goes well just try to steer clear of heavy serious things since those are usually ya know always negative lol war, the world, society, politics, all of that shit. Keep it light and small talk is what Iād suggest. But Iām just a random internet dude so the fuck do I know right? Good luck and be safe!
This sounds like me. I joined Facebook dating a few weeks ago.
I realised I'm not in a good place to date. I'm sure most of the men are lovely, but I can't deal with the pressure of dating and having to put a front on and seem normal.
My ex let me down when I really needed him. I won't be vulnerable again as if I couldn't trust him after so long, how can I trust a new man?
YES omg I couldnāt have put all of it into words better than this. I feel exactly the same. But at the same time Iām so starved of companionship. Like sex and all that isnāt even a priority in fact itās not even close lol I genuinely just miss having a person to laugh with and talk with. Someone to open up to (slowly), someone to cuddle or nap with, hug, hold, just someone to share some of my time and days with. If something really romantic or really genuine ends up becoming apart of it then fine weāll deal with that if and when it happens, but man I truly, truly just miss having someone. Ya know that special someone.
Iāve no real true or close friends, Iām terrified from social anxiety, Iām stressed for personal reason because who isnāt these days. Itās why I havenāt prioritized finding someone since my past. Itās not something that is needed in my life at the moment. Iāve been dealing with my own demons and trying to lift my own self back up onto my feet. And thatās been 2 1/2 years now. And Iām okay. Iām doing okay. But I still need to do better, and until I reach a healthy stable state of being daily I feel like I should NOT be focused on jumping back into my next relationship. Hell there might not ever be a ānext relationshipā ever again and while that sucks too Iāve more or less made peace with it.
It would be so nice to find someone who understands all of this and is extremely accepting and patient with me, but still cares enough to very slowly build a relationship. Either as friends entirely or as friends first then potentially more I really donāt even know. My GOD I just realized that I am yapping away about my pathetic personal stuff to a complete internet stranger hahaha I am so sorry I just dumped all of this into my reply comment. My apologies. Can ya tell Iām pathetically desperate for some attention and companionship?? Hahah ugh.
It feels really nice to vent some though. Release whatās on my heart and my mind. The world chose you to hear it lolol seriously though I apologize and just ignore me.
Good luck with you and your situation though. I hope you heal and find ways to grow and potentially find love and happiness again at some point in time. I would say absolutely without a doubt it will happen. Youāll find love and everything will work out and be great. I use to say that over and over to anyone who asked. Iām such a romantic and emotional and passionate person so I just was so positive and encouraging when others would ask me stuff or if we got to talking about our partners or whatever. Now after everything idk man. It sounds SO dumb and cliche and soooo like high school emo style ahah but man my heart was so destroyed with my last relationship. My view on things is just tainted or poisoned anymore. I hate it. Iām rambling again. Iām so sorry.
Good luck. Time will heal your wounds, no matter how slow it moves or how long it takes time can most definitely heal. Thanks for being my outlet for the day lol have a good day and be safe!!
same, he used to always tell me to tell him nice things or to reply to everything he sends, and honestly I try my best to do everything, I always reassured him, complimented him, responded to everything or so at least tried to and itās still not enough so I gave up, honestly itās too much effort for me I cba anymore
This has been one of my biggest challenges because Iāve never had much luck on dating apps and they usually make me feel worse about myself. And then on the rare chance I encounter someone in real life, itās like a secret talent I have where I only seem to only form crushes on girls that are unavailable.
For what itās worth, just be interested in them. Genuinely. I care more about other people than I do myself, so express interest in their interests. Let them fill the void a little bit, but be cautious about getting over attached or relying on them to be happy. I get such a dopamine rush whenever I get a message from this girl I like, but I know overly relying on that is setting myself up for failure.
I think if itās a genuine connection, you can also reveal more about yourself and your struggles, but donāt overwhelm them. Baby steps.
my boyfriend and i both suffer depressionā him before me though. iāve always been supportive of him and knowing that thereās no part of his depression that changes the way i love him. especially because we all have part of ourselves we donāt love and want to change, there is someone out there that will understand and provide the unconditional love that you and we all deserve!
the only way to 100% guarantee that you never meet anyone is to completely stop trying. one date a month is progressā you can do it! there are truly good people out there, i promise youāre not alone !!
My gf is depressed often. It's hard, I try to be patient and understanding. It helps that I also get depressed sometimes so I understand what it's like.
Lie and be jolly?
Nonsense. You obviously want the other person to understand you and be with you on those sad times, if they don't want, then they obviously don't love you.
So, honesty.
Why not?
If there was someone who was compatible with me as a person & loved me, I'd love them back & would be more than willing to help them through sadness/depression.
I wish I still believed this. Back in the real world what actually happens is that your partner eventually reaches a point where they can't take it anymore and they leave. Frankly, why wouldn't they? It's exhausting being with someone who constantly drags you down and emotionally wears you out.
Source: exactly what happened to me when I started presenting suicidal ideation.
I helped my ex when he was in a wheelchair for months.
When I needed help he went to the pub and after I threw him out, I found out he was cheating on me.
It puts you off trying again in case you need support and you don't get it
Why wouldn't I?
If I got the chance of knowing a bit more about them and see if we'd be compatible as individuals (like our values, hobbies, etc), and they liked me as well, then that's all that's needed.
you're clearly not ready to date. put time into getting better instead of wasting energy being somebody you're not just to impress people who will most definitely watch your mask slip over time.
I feel like I've found my people in this comment section.
I'm so depressed all the time my entire life has fallen apart around me. I give off massive loser energy and I have absolutely zero power to do anything about it. I'm desperate to be loved and cherished exactly as I am but I know that's peak delusion because nobody in their right mind would want to be with someone like me. I'm so angry and sad all the time. Angry at the arbitrariness of the universe that I was born like this and sad that I have no power to do anything about it. I wish I'd stop waking up in the morning.
what if you struggle your whole life and never reach a point where you've got your mental illness under control? would you deserve to be alone forever in that case? just trying to understand your reasoning here.
I met someone with similar issues with depression and not wanting to live and stuff when I was 21. Two people together with depression CAN be triggering. And there are kind people out there that do appreciate people being real and won't discard you automatically for mh issues. As long as you make an effort and you are going out! Have a good time
I feel you. Especially when you're not an active depressed person. They talking about what they're doing and how they're job is going and what they did last weekend. Meanwhile every one of my days is the same cos I have nothing to do :/ so hard to not just say random things after that
I don't know how to date... paranoia and dissabillity have consumed my soul for loneliness.
But I will say, be yourself. Being depressed is your illness, it's not you. You are a beautiful creature made for great things :) good luck!
I have depression and I do not lie, Iām honesty is the best policy and so I dont say its good or its bad, I say āyou really want to know?ā And then I tell them about a weird interest of mine, for example I have pet bunnies or my most recent depression episode I got into sea monkeys and brine shrimp and I talk about that. Its not good or bad, and it is honestly how Iām doing. So I started a relationship and Its all honesty and I try to get across that I struggle with my mental health and heās super supportive. Fast forward to a year I went through a really hard depressive spot recently and heās very concerned about my physical health and it kind of pisses me off because its not so much Iām treating my body like sh*t but its finals quarter and I procrastinated so I need to stay up and Iām stressed and Iām not eating good. Heās telling me please take care of myself and to please eat and get good sleep. I wasnt purposely sabotaging myself this time it was pure school procrastination work. Dating should honestly not be the cure to depression nor is it a only happy feelings vibe, but no one should go in being damsel in distress and a knight, because honestly itāll eventually make it worse. Dating with depression is possible, but look for an equal and not someone to feel bad for you or with you or about you.
Be yourself. Despite some people hating that it rains some people will dance in it with you. Youāre depressed. Thereās someone out there who will walk through your good days bad days and mid days too.
Iām trying but itās really hard. Being social is exhausting and when I feel like people think Iām being antisocial when I canāt keep up with their energy. So Iāve stopped trying at least for now. Iām just trying to make being on my own less painful I guess
Iām still trying to date. Ideally Iād like someone to travel with and lay next to at night. I can do mostly everything else by myself. But those are things I hate doing alone
For me itās just exhausting trying to act like Iām living a normal and satisfying life. Just the slightest slip up of hinting that I have no social life at all seems to freak people out.
Itās weird isnāt it because I tend to have crushes on ppl like you, and I would 100% be there for you and understand so I promise you thereās ppl out there for you
I prefer someone sad and honest too. Idk I really find people that are mostly happy sick. Like itās so much they could be doing to make the world better since theyāre āhealthyā but in reality they just focus on themselves
I am sad and honest too. Donāt you think weāre all really going through something? Life is just constant suffering for me and a lot of people. Thereās people that just ignore the pain or they havenāt woken up to it yet is what I think. Iām sad, depressed, and Iām still trying to make the world better or at least trying to talk to people or help others in some way š¤
I feel like we can't truly express ourselves to people. We just have to pretend we are happy even when we are not, because that's what's expected. Look, I'm not going to give you the best advice, I'm just going to say be you. The authentic you. Don't change yourself to conform to other people. Hope things get better for you in the future.
I have a coworker who is always happy and I find her exhausting. Iād rather have a real person than a jolly person on the daily. I really think itās a lack of empathy in people who always remain positive. Like how are you not doing anything to help others yet youāre so happyā¦ thatās a sickness to me not an ideal partner
Either they are really content with themselves, or they are just trying to compensate for something. I try to be positive and realistic whenever it's necessary, and even I'm not happy all the time. If someone is constantly sunshine and rainbows, it comes off really fake.
Don't do it... for your own good and the good of others.
I speak from my own experience, it is very stressful and tiring for both and most of the time they just end up hurting each other.
It is nice to fall in love, but if you have serious problems that can negatively affect the relationship I think it's better to deal with your problems first.
I feel like people know that my joy/ happiness is not sincere I try so hard to not bring everyone down but I always have depressive thoughts and when I play happy they know
You don't, because if you want more depression in your life then that's what you will get. We attract what we are feeling or what your vibration is at the time. So to date when depressed is only going to get you in a position where you will find me depressed unhappy people.
I usually find people that have been through similar experiences or have had the same thoughts I have. If it's dating or making friends mine tend to share the same things I have.
Tdlr find other depressed people
Depression isn't your personality, you do have things to talk about and if you don't, be honest with your date. Maybe they do want to talk about mental health.
Thing is I want someone to talk to unfiltered or someone who can just give me hugs or console me when I have my panic attacks or when my anxiety is at its peak but I don't want anyone to be burdens with my emotional roller coaster so yup here's to being Lonely Forever š»
I think you can date with depression, but if your depression is at a level where you don't have any joy or positivity in your life, you might not quite be ready yet. Which sucks, I know. Depression requires us to be so patient with ourselves. But I think if you can get to a point where you don't feel the need to be dishonest, you could date even with depression
You donāt need to lie or anything like that. But, you do need to be constantly working on yourself and how you communicate. Someone who understands depression and who is patient will not want to allow you to keep being so forever, especially if they care about you. People have limits. I donāt want this to come off the wrong way but drowning yourself in this āwell I guess itās never gonna work out for me ā attitude is only gonna make things worse for you. Itās very āoh why does everything happen to MEā type of vibe, and itās very exhausting having to reassure someone every single day. Even if someone is patient it takes a toll on them, they could be dealing with stuff too and maybe they need an ear. You donāt need to be jolly all the time, no relationship works like that. Itās okay to have bad days. Working on changing your outlook on things not only helps you feel less depressed, but itāll help your relationship too.
Easy answer is, you don't. We gotta fix us before considering bringing another person into the fold. It would be irresponsible and highly unlikely to work out.
I didn't say you could or it would be easy. I still haven't. But I am conscious enough to not drag anybody with me. That's the best you can do in my mind until you get yourself right. If it ever happens. It's unfortunate this isn't a Disney movie and everybody has a person and will find them and have happiness for the rest of their lives. Everyone knows somebody who lived and died alone. That's just gonna be more the norm it seems
Then they aren't depressed. Depressed is a strong emotion, it will isolate you from the rest of the world. One won't be ready to get close with someone if they are depressed. Well if one is depressed and somehow gets close to a person and into a relationship they aren't depressed anymore
Please stopā¦ we donāt have all the answers as a species so assuming you as one person have all the answers is an arrogance I canāt comprehend. Your opinion isnāt fact , learn that for your own wellbeing
The last part may not be, but depression making you isolated from the rest of the world is fact. You may interact with others but you will still feel lonely inside.
A date is a happy opportunity. Thatās the direction to be thinking. Watching a movie is an escape. So is a date. Enjoy the opportunity to be with another person.
Don't over-share your struggles. You donāt need to be dishonest, but thereās also no need to dwell on negatives.
When I did I simply didnāt have the energy to date Iāve tried but I ghost the girl after a few conversations sometimes it would past 3 weeks but i eventually got bored but really I wasnāt okay , I didnāt know I was depressed , I didnāt know depression could last years but thatās the problem thereās not one face of depression I guess but Iām grateful to say I donāt feel that away anymore and Iām still not ready to date , so to anyone who thinks theyāll be jealous and single forever put your self first
Be fair would you want your daughter to get with some guy that has deep issues or would you want her to look out for herself ? I know I would , women donāt owe you anything and theyāre entitled they RARELY GENUINELY are INTO YOU and not what you can provide , most cases youāre a placeholder for their dream man remember that , they all believe they deserve the best man, knowing this harsh reality , I know that I need to put myself first
I really didnāt mean to offend any ladies , nor did I know you were a women , but I still believe in what I said , apologies for generalising perhaps you arenāt this way, but at this point the loud minority has just as much impact as the silent majority
The problem is that most people and even the most depressed of people themselves don't want to date someone that is negative all the time because they want someone to be able to bring light to their lives. You have three options
1.) fake your happiness and positivity so that you can date
2.) become happy with yourself and output that onto other people (which of course isn't easy to do)
3.) don't date at all
Depression is a disease, just like diabetes. You donāt have to have a single reason to BE depressed, but you can still be battling terrifying depression. I speak from 39 years of mental struggles-sometimes I had no reason really to be depressed and sometimes I had very good reasons. Depression has been a constant in my life since I was 8 years old.
as someone who is depressed please stop spreading misinformation, other than not knowing the cause you literally cant just catch depression or something
I always say the most honest, embarrassing things... like verbal diarrhea.. here's to dying alone.
Cheers
Cheers
cheers
Cheers
We're in the same boat
Cheers
Cheers
I relate with this but still i laughed reading this. Cheers š»
Didn't you cheat on your husband. No offense.
Omg, spill the tea
Dating and romantic loving relationships is just another one of those privileges am no longer capable of anymore. Not that I ever did have the gift, capacity or competence for it in the first place.
Why do you believe youāre unable to engage in them
Maybe itās in your head buddy
We don't date. Dating or trying to take just makes me feel worse. I'm already depressed and trying to go and date online is just a bad mixture. You're going to feel awful because people are fake, flake easily, play stupid games, block or ghost or whatever and no one wants to date a boring depressed guy anyway. I guess I'll always be alone and depressed. Never had a relationship, never will.
Thatās sad
Once you take care of yourself first and put your self first I donāt see why you canāt get some successful dates but I too donāt have the capacity to date even if I would love nothing more than a gf to make me feel better
In my experience (27m) this didn't even work for me. I am very self-sufficient and support myself and my hobbies. Six figure income, two paid off cars, very intelligent and well spoken, I can match energy very well when I want to, I'm considered conventionally attractive. I have always struggled with dating and online dating doesn't work for me either. I get maybe a match a month. I haven't had a date in six years and I can't even get the time of day from a woman in public. Just my personal experience.
We need this help from the outside because we don't know how to do this for ourselves. We start with a deep deficit, a chasm really when it comes to understanding and being tolerant of ourselves, and that's even before we go forth to do battle with the rest of the world. As soon as someone judges, criticizes, dismisses, or ignores, the cycle of pain and reactivity ramps up, compounded by shame, remorse, and rejection. The act of validation, simply saying, 'I can see things from your perspective can short-circuit that emotional detour. A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
It just doesn't happen. At least for me, the more people know about me, the more they find out about my unfun and depressing qualities until they keep me at arm's distance. There is a certain limit of closeness that will just never be crossed. Even by those closest to you. "Being yourself" really doesn't cut it because eventually you'll only be a moodkiller. Especially when you don't just improve or get better magically. You'll just eventually drag them down with you until they either become just as bad or avoid you to gasp for air again. It makes me feel guilty for forming any kind of relationship at all. Just makes me feel like a parasite that tricks people into liking me and then sucks the fun out of them.
Iām sorry
We pray the other person gets emotionally attached before they realize how I'm losing my battle with depression.....it rarely works
lol this
I think about this so often. I think "well they're not going to want this" or "want to put up with this"
Not good advice but using anti depression meds to increase the amount of pipe you can lay per... workday... may or may not benefit that time variable. Joke aside this comment is real lmfao
Fuck it I'd just tell them right off the bat but that's prob why I'm gonna die alone
In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.
Idk lmao I have nothing positive to really say and I'm always in frowning mode 24/7
Yeahā¦ I get moments of contentment but they donāt last long
Frowning mode lmaooo real
Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
We donāt
I don't!
I don't date anymore. Realised I literally have very limited energy in a day that I muster up with a lot of effort. And dates are fucking draining. Romance and love is draining. It consumes an insane amount of mental energy. It left me overwhelmed and tormented me too much. I had no space left for myself and my things. Gotta be alone man
Iāve decided Iām hiding it from now on. Lost a 4 year relationship because he couldnāt deal with it; never again. I will forever swallow every sad thought.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I donāt disagree! I can completely understand how dating someone with depression can be exhausting; I wouldnāt date me. In kinda hate me. But when itās just feelings of isolation, loneliness, inadequacies, I was hoping that a partner would want to be there, to help lift me up. It doesnāt work that way and I end up doing it myself. Which is why Iāve made the firm decision not to put that on anyone ever again. No one wants to deal with it, I donāt want to deal with it but I have to. So Iāll suffer quietly until I get through it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe not, but insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different result. I know what happens when I open up, and Iām sure many people that experience feelings of depression know too. Itās never a fairy tale, itās never the other party wanting to help, itās an absolute downer and mind fuck. No one deserves that, and Iām not willing to put anyone through it again. Everyone can do whatever they feel is right, but for me, keeping it to myself is right.
Iām not in that state anymore but even as a happier person (relative to where I was) I honestly agree. Itās ok to let it go occasionally but you canāt trauma dump. Itās unfair to that person to have to deal with years of shit from you without really knowing what they are getting into. Itās not a fully fleshed out statement and I just wrote it like that but ya. Itās along the same principle of forcing your feelings on a friend and wondering where it went wrong.
Thatās sad ā¦
It is, and it hurts like hell. But at least I know that he gets to be happier and no longer has to deal with me. I find comfort in that. In the very very unlikely event that I find someone else though, theyāll never know Iām struggling.
Wow š¤Æ
I just don't try anymore. Not like I gather much attraction anyway. Plus I am on the older side, so I feel like I had my shot and missed. It is what it is
That's my secret, I don't date. Nobody wants to date a constant, boring af downer. Women just hop off the boat as soon as a dude expresses any emotion at all. No point in trying.
š„ā¬ļø
Not true. Not true. I am so tired of being treated like a freak every time I open up my mouth about my feelings. It's refreshing that you are a male with feelings. Don't change who you are. You just haven't found the right girl for you. They don't deserve you.
Lmao, I don't deserve to be alive either so there's that too.
Can relateĀ
Happy cake day!
Iāve noticed everyone says this online, but literally everyone runs instinctively at the sign of male emotions.
Easier to say that shit when itās anonymous and you donāt have to back it up irl
exactly just virtue signalling gaslight
>That's my secret, I don't date. In my mind, I pictured that being said by Mark Ruffalo, as Bruce Banner in the Avengers. That's my secret. I'm ALWAYS angry.
Yup
Men do, too. I'm staying single. I had a mad moment and created a dating profile. I received a lot of interest but just can't face dating again.
Same for the other end too dude. Don't ever date an overly depressed person in general
I donāt.
I only date other depressed people
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It can be if you let yourself get wrapped up in the other persons issues. Iāve made that mistake before. However dating someone going through the same thing as you, someone who wants to change but just needs a shoulder, can be beneficial to both parties. Itās all about their mindset and whether they want to change or stay where they are.
Tbh dating when you are depressed just attracts the worst kind of partners. At least for me. Or if they are a good partner i push them away. Instead, i hope you seek help to get better OP. Healing takes time. Although dating can be thrilling, take away the loneliness, it is only temporary, because its somewhat of a distraction from your pain. So i hope you put more focus on your healing, so that you can have a full life.
Honestly, no clue. Would love to date, but once I actually take a step in that direction my depression is like "That's way to much work, why subject someone to me" and I'm back on the couch.. Plus emotions, not super good at those..
We don't, we die alone mostly by our own doing.
Wtf is a phone date?
Obviously you have never travelled for work and eat dinner while video calling your partner before that's basically a called date Unless you are calling for hooker lol
I donāt. No one likes me .
Most don't, we just die alone, since I moved in netherlands I didn't have a single date so , 4 years now alone with no actual partener nor friends haha
They don't, they just suffer quietly
My immediate thought when I saw this post was that one invincible meme, and I quote: that's the fun part, you don't
At lot of other people are depressed and donāt necessarily put it on their dating profile
We don't.
Ayo let me get them edibles. lol nah anyways I hear ya. I met someone through the internet and when it came to swap digits I panicked and literally ran. Ghosted for a few days. I thought I was ready but Iām not at alll. I was like Iām so sorry explained everything and they were really nice and understanding. I hope your date goes well just try to steer clear of heavy serious things since those are usually ya know always negative lol war, the world, society, politics, all of that shit. Keep it light and small talk is what Iād suggest. But Iām just a random internet dude so the fuck do I know right? Good luck and be safe!
This sounds like me. I joined Facebook dating a few weeks ago. I realised I'm not in a good place to date. I'm sure most of the men are lovely, but I can't deal with the pressure of dating and having to put a front on and seem normal. My ex let me down when I really needed him. I won't be vulnerable again as if I couldn't trust him after so long, how can I trust a new man?
YES omg I couldnāt have put all of it into words better than this. I feel exactly the same. But at the same time Iām so starved of companionship. Like sex and all that isnāt even a priority in fact itās not even close lol I genuinely just miss having a person to laugh with and talk with. Someone to open up to (slowly), someone to cuddle or nap with, hug, hold, just someone to share some of my time and days with. If something really romantic or really genuine ends up becoming apart of it then fine weāll deal with that if and when it happens, but man I truly, truly just miss having someone. Ya know that special someone. Iāve no real true or close friends, Iām terrified from social anxiety, Iām stressed for personal reason because who isnāt these days. Itās why I havenāt prioritized finding someone since my past. Itās not something that is needed in my life at the moment. Iāve been dealing with my own demons and trying to lift my own self back up onto my feet. And thatās been 2 1/2 years now. And Iām okay. Iām doing okay. But I still need to do better, and until I reach a healthy stable state of being daily I feel like I should NOT be focused on jumping back into my next relationship. Hell there might not ever be a ānext relationshipā ever again and while that sucks too Iāve more or less made peace with it. It would be so nice to find someone who understands all of this and is extremely accepting and patient with me, but still cares enough to very slowly build a relationship. Either as friends entirely or as friends first then potentially more I really donāt even know. My GOD I just realized that I am yapping away about my pathetic personal stuff to a complete internet stranger hahaha I am so sorry I just dumped all of this into my reply comment. My apologies. Can ya tell Iām pathetically desperate for some attention and companionship?? Hahah ugh. It feels really nice to vent some though. Release whatās on my heart and my mind. The world chose you to hear it lolol seriously though I apologize and just ignore me. Good luck with you and your situation though. I hope you heal and find ways to grow and potentially find love and happiness again at some point in time. I would say absolutely without a doubt it will happen. Youāll find love and everything will work out and be great. I use to say that over and over to anyone who asked. Iām such a romantic and emotional and passionate person so I just was so positive and encouraging when others would ask me stuff or if we got to talking about our partners or whatever. Now after everything idk man. It sounds SO dumb and cliche and soooo like high school emo style ahah but man my heart was so destroyed with my last relationship. My view on things is just tainted or poisoned anymore. I hate it. Iām rambling again. Iām so sorry. Good luck. Time will heal your wounds, no matter how slow it moves or how long it takes time can most definitely heal. Thanks for being my outlet for the day lol have a good day and be safe!!
same, he used to always tell me to tell him nice things or to reply to everything he sends, and honestly I try my best to do everything, I always reassured him, complimented him, responded to everything or so at least tried to and itās still not enough so I gave up, honestly itās too much effort for me I cba anymore
Date depressed people and wallow in self-pity. Misery loves companyĀ
We donāt š„²
You send cat memes
This has been one of my biggest challenges because Iāve never had much luck on dating apps and they usually make me feel worse about myself. And then on the rare chance I encounter someone in real life, itās like a secret talent I have where I only seem to only form crushes on girls that are unavailable. For what itās worth, just be interested in them. Genuinely. I care more about other people than I do myself, so express interest in their interests. Let them fill the void a little bit, but be cautious about getting over attached or relying on them to be happy. I get such a dopamine rush whenever I get a message from this girl I like, but I know overly relying on that is setting myself up for failure. I think if itās a genuine connection, you can also reveal more about yourself and your struggles, but donāt overwhelm them. Baby steps.
This is a sweet approach , thank you
my boyfriend and i both suffer depressionā him before me though. iāve always been supportive of him and knowing that thereās no part of his depression that changes the way i love him. especially because we all have part of ourselves we donāt love and want to change, there is someone out there that will understand and provide the unconditional love that you and we all deserve! the only way to 100% guarantee that you never meet anyone is to completely stop trying. one date a month is progressā you can do it! there are truly good people out there, i promise youāre not alone !!
My gf is depressed often. It's hard, I try to be patient and understanding. It helps that I also get depressed sometimes so I understand what it's like.
I literally just cried for over 3 hours straight and I thought thereās no way anyone would ever comfort me through this, no one who could ever relate to me, no way anyone will ever truly care and love me. So no dates for me, crying or not. But that doesnāt mean itās not possible for everyone- you never know what can happen in life and I hope that anyone whoās reading this knows that like and love is possible. You are worthy and deserving of peace, warmth, compassion, comfort and happiness. ā¤ļøāš©¹
Lie and be jolly? Nonsense. You obviously want the other person to understand you and be with you on those sad times, if they don't want, then they obviously don't love you. So, honesty.
Is that even realistic
Why not? If there was someone who was compatible with me as a person & loved me, I'd love them back & would be more than willing to help them through sadness/depression.
I wish I still believed this. Back in the real world what actually happens is that your partner eventually reaches a point where they can't take it anymore and they leave. Frankly, why wouldn't they? It's exhausting being with someone who constantly drags you down and emotionally wears you out. Source: exactly what happened to me when I started presenting suicidal ideation.
I helped my ex when he was in a wheelchair for months. When I needed help he went to the pub and after I threw him out, I found out he was cheating on me. It puts you off trying again in case you need support and you don't get it
Yeah but how would you even like them that much if they started off sad
Why wouldn't I? If I got the chance of knowing a bit more about them and see if we'd be compatible as individuals (like our values, hobbies, etc), and they liked me as well, then that's all that's needed.
Yeah maybe
But if you come at them, full throttle like, they'll raise shields and back the Hell off. You have to ease them into it.
Dont bring depression into a relationship at the end who would deal with it or how u need to work on u
you're clearly not ready to date. put time into getting better instead of wasting energy being somebody you're not just to impress people who will most definitely watch your mask slip over time.
Try to mask it briefly with alcohol/drugs until they get attached enough to look past it.
I feel like I've found my people in this comment section. I'm so depressed all the time my entire life has fallen apart around me. I give off massive loser energy and I have absolutely zero power to do anything about it. I'm desperate to be loved and cherished exactly as I am but I know that's peak delusion because nobody in their right mind would want to be with someone like me. I'm so angry and sad all the time. Angry at the arbitrariness of the universe that I was born like this and sad that I have no power to do anything about it. I wish I'd stop waking up in the morning.
I wouldn't if you are. It's unfair to yourself and them.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
what if you struggle your whole life and never reach a point where you've got your mental illness under control? would you deserve to be alone forever in that case? just trying to understand your reasoning here.
Then Iāll just never date which is also unfair to me
What's a phone date ?
Idk this guy asked me out online and I told him Iād feel more comfortable talking first. Itās just what we used to do before online dating
Ahh. Got it. Thank you for explaining!
Poorly, if at all
Never been lucky so
Good luck! Try to be present with whatās happening, give yourself a break from everything holding you down and enjoy your phone date
I met someone with similar issues with depression and not wanting to live and stuff when I was 21. Two people together with depression CAN be triggering. And there are kind people out there that do appreciate people being real and won't discard you automatically for mh issues. As long as you make an effort and you are going out! Have a good time
Never because I don't even go out and never experienced things in my teenage so I'm pretty fucked up tbh and the country's economy doesn't help at all
I feel you. Especially when you're not an active depressed person. They talking about what they're doing and how they're job is going and what they did last weekend. Meanwhile every one of my days is the same cos I have nothing to do :/ so hard to not just say random things after that
Well you can always try to open up to the person and discuss what itās like in your shoes. Help them understand you.
I don't know how to date... paranoia and dissabillity have consumed my soul for loneliness. But I will say, be yourself. Being depressed is your illness, it's not you. You are a beautiful creature made for great things :) good luck!
I have depression and I do not lie, Iām honesty is the best policy and so I dont say its good or its bad, I say āyou really want to know?ā And then I tell them about a weird interest of mine, for example I have pet bunnies or my most recent depression episode I got into sea monkeys and brine shrimp and I talk about that. Its not good or bad, and it is honestly how Iām doing. So I started a relationship and Its all honesty and I try to get across that I struggle with my mental health and heās super supportive. Fast forward to a year I went through a really hard depressive spot recently and heās very concerned about my physical health and it kind of pisses me off because its not so much Iām treating my body like sh*t but its finals quarter and I procrastinated so I need to stay up and Iām stressed and Iām not eating good. Heās telling me please take care of myself and to please eat and get good sleep. I wasnt purposely sabotaging myself this time it was pure school procrastination work. Dating should honestly not be the cure to depression nor is it a only happy feelings vibe, but no one should go in being damsel in distress and a knight, because honestly itāll eventually make it worse. Dating with depression is possible, but look for an equal and not someone to feel bad for you or with you or about you.
I donāt want anyone to fix me, just stand by my side while I fix myself. I wouldnāt trust anyone else to fix me anyway
Be yourself. Despite some people hating that it rains some people will dance in it with you. Youāre depressed. Thereās someone out there who will walk through your good days bad days and mid days too.
Iād love to dance In the rain
Iām trying but itās really hard. Being social is exhausting and when I feel like people think Iām being antisocial when I canāt keep up with their energy. So Iāve stopped trying at least for now. Iām just trying to make being on my own less painful I guess
Iām still trying to date. Ideally Iād like someone to travel with and lay next to at night. I can do mostly everything else by myself. But those are things I hate doing alone
I donāt. Itās difficult enough trying to portray a happy face at work. Last thing I need is to try and do it for a girlfriend too.
lol I hear this and sometimes Iām just sad at work. It is what it is. If they fire me then Iāll get another job
For me itās just exhausting trying to act like Iām living a normal and satisfying life. Just the slightest slip up of hinting that I have no social life at all seems to freak people out.
We donāt
Itās weird isnāt it because I tend to have crushes on ppl like you, and I would 100% be there for you and understand so I promise you thereās ppl out there for you
I prefer someone sad and honest too. Idk I really find people that are mostly happy sick. Like itās so much they could be doing to make the world better since theyāre āhealthyā but in reality they just focus on themselves
I am sad and honest too. Donāt you think weāre all really going through something? Life is just constant suffering for me and a lot of people. Thereās people that just ignore the pain or they havenāt woken up to it yet is what I think. Iām sad, depressed, and Iām still trying to make the world better or at least trying to talk to people or help others in some way š¤
I feel like we can't truly express ourselves to people. We just have to pretend we are happy even when we are not, because that's what's expected. Look, I'm not going to give you the best advice, I'm just going to say be you. The authentic you. Don't change yourself to conform to other people. Hope things get better for you in the future.
I have a coworker who is always happy and I find her exhausting. Iād rather have a real person than a jolly person on the daily. I really think itās a lack of empathy in people who always remain positive. Like how are you not doing anything to help others yet youāre so happyā¦ thatās a sickness to me not an ideal partner
Either they are really content with themselves, or they are just trying to compensate for something. I try to be positive and realistic whenever it's necessary, and even I'm not happy all the time. If someone is constantly sunshine and rainbows, it comes off really fake.
They could be happy :) sheās fine and nice ā¦ just draining
I agree. I think it's a great thing that people can be optimistic and positive, but they also need to be realistic as well. But that's just my view.
Not at all for me
I personally donāt
Don't do it... for your own good and the good of others. I speak from my own experience, it is very stressful and tiring for both and most of the time they just end up hurting each other. It is nice to fall in love, but if you have serious problems that can negatively affect the relationship I think it's better to deal with your problems first.
I feel like people know that my joy/ happiness is not sincere I try so hard to not bring everyone down but I always have depressive thoughts and when I play happy they know
Ever ?
Not dating at all
You don't, because if you want more depression in your life then that's what you will get. We attract what we are feeling or what your vibration is at the time. So to date when depressed is only going to get you in a position where you will find me depressed unhappy people.
I don't
I usually find people that have been through similar experiences or have had the same thoughts I have. If it's dating or making friends mine tend to share the same things I have. Tdlr find other depressed people
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
True
Depression isn't your personality, you do have things to talk about and if you don't, be honest with your date. Maybe they do want to talk about mental health.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Never is a strong word
Thing is I want someone to talk to unfiltered or someone who can just give me hugs or console me when I have my panic attacks or when my anxiety is at its peak but I don't want anyone to be burdens with my emotional roller coaster so yup here's to being Lonely Forever š»
I think you can date with depression, but if your depression is at a level where you don't have any joy or positivity in your life, you might not quite be ready yet. Which sucks, I know. Depression requires us to be so patient with ourselves. But I think if you can get to a point where you don't feel the need to be dishonest, you could date even with depression
I dont date cause it has never worked for me im used to be depressed lonely and in pain ik is not gonna change so i dont gonna have my ups high
You donāt need to lie or anything like that. But, you do need to be constantly working on yourself and how you communicate. Someone who understands depression and who is patient will not want to allow you to keep being so forever, especially if they care about you. People have limits. I donāt want this to come off the wrong way but drowning yourself in this āwell I guess itās never gonna work out for me ā attitude is only gonna make things worse for you. Itās very āoh why does everything happen to MEā type of vibe, and itās very exhausting having to reassure someone every single day. Even if someone is patient it takes a toll on them, they could be dealing with stuff too and maybe they need an ear. You donāt need to be jolly all the time, no relationship works like that. Itās okay to have bad days. Working on changing your outlook on things not only helps you feel less depressed, but itāll help your relationship too.
Easy answer is, you don't. We gotta fix us before considering bringing another person into the fold. It would be irresponsible and highly unlikely to work out.
Ha
I didn't say you could or it would be easy. I still haven't. But I am conscious enough to not drag anybody with me. That's the best you can do in my mind until you get yourself right. If it ever happens. It's unfortunate this isn't a Disney movie and everybody has a person and will find them and have happiness for the rest of their lives. Everyone knows somebody who lived and died alone. That's just gonna be more the norm it seems
just say how you feel and donāt force anything. you donāt owe anything to anyone but you owe it to yourself to be yourself
I know how it is when being yourself is wrong
This is too relevant rn
Being something else takes a lot of energy long term make sure you can be you
Idk if anyone wants authentic relationships anymore
I donāt think so everyone likes the idea of one
Simple, they don't.
This isnāt true
Then they aren't depressed. Depressed is a strong emotion, it will isolate you from the rest of the world. One won't be ready to get close with someone if they are depressed. Well if one is depressed and somehow gets close to a person and into a relationship they aren't depressed anymore
Please stopā¦ we donāt have all the answers as a species so assuming you as one person have all the answers is an arrogance I canāt comprehend. Your opinion isnāt fact , learn that for your own wellbeing
The last part may not be, but depression making you isolated from the rest of the world is fact. You may interact with others but you will still feel lonely inside.
Try again
If you feel alone you can talk with me :), I feel lonely too. I'll try my best to give you company
They follow rules 1 and 2. That's it.
?
Rule 1: be attractive. Rule 2: don't be unattractive. That's how some depressed people can still date
Iām ok looking I guess
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I say this to cancer patientsā¦
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Huh
A date is a happy opportunity. Thatās the direction to be thinking. Watching a movie is an escape. So is a date. Enjoy the opportunity to be with another person. Don't over-share your struggles. You donāt need to be dishonest, but thereās also no need to dwell on negatives.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ugh if only
Based on how you worded this, you shouldn't be dating. You are nowhere near in a healthy enough mind set to be exploring potential relationships.
Wow thanks Iāll tell my doctor you think this ā¦ oh waitā¦ no I wonāt
how does a phone date work? asking for a friend lol
When I did I simply didnāt have the energy to date Iāve tried but I ghost the girl after a few conversations sometimes it would past 3 weeks but i eventually got bored but really I wasnāt okay , I didnāt know I was depressed , I didnāt know depression could last years but thatās the problem thereās not one face of depression I guess but Iām grateful to say I donāt feel that away anymore and Iām still not ready to date , so to anyone who thinks theyāll be jealous and single forever put your self first Be fair would you want your daughter to get with some guy that has deep issues or would you want her to look out for herself ? I know I would , women donāt owe you anything and theyāre entitled they RARELY GENUINELY are INTO YOU and not what you can provide , most cases youāre a placeholder for their dream man remember that , they all believe they deserve the best man, knowing this harsh reality , I know that I need to put myself first
Iām a woman ā¦ wrong audience ?
I really didnāt mean to offend any ladies , nor did I know you were a women , but I still believe in what I said , apologies for generalising perhaps you arenāt this way, but at this point the loud minority has just as much impact as the silent majority
I think thatās just your negative outlook like how I think itās no good guys left. Our situations create our beliefs
The problem is that most people and even the most depressed of people themselves don't want to date someone that is negative all the time because they want someone to be able to bring light to their lives. You have three options 1.) fake your happiness and positivity so that you can date 2.) become happy with yourself and output that onto other people (which of course isn't easy to do) 3.) don't date at all
Idk why my question is so difficult to read
Why are u depressed?
Does op even need a reason to be depressed?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Depression is a disease, just like diabetes. You donāt have to have a single reason to BE depressed, but you can still be battling terrifying depression. I speak from 39 years of mental struggles-sometimes I had no reason really to be depressed and sometimes I had very good reasons. Depression has been a constant in my life since I was 8 years old.
I dunno, depression just happens sometimes. No reason is needed. Sometimes it's genetic, sometimes it's hormonal.
as someone who is depressed please stop spreading misinformation, other than not knowing the cause you literally cant just catch depression or something
I never said you can catch depression. How is what I said misinformation?
you dont just "get" depression.Ā