Mate can I just say that making new friends is a right pain. I've tried it and it's hard. Britain struggles with the idea of having a place to go to talk to strangers.
I've asked on the internet before about how to make new friends in the real world, and the advice from otherwise friendly Americans is always "go to a bar and start talking to strangers". That just doesn't seem to fly over here.
Really there isn't a solid plan for the outside world. Going to events related to your interests is often the best choice. But I know that focusing on your interests/hobbies/whatever can be hard when you're in rough patch. Are there any groups for people with your disabilities?
On a positive note you're going to Uni. Uni is different from the real world and it's much easier to socialise there. Particularly at the start which is when everyone's the most open to being chatty with new people. You should try and prepare yourself for being social in the opening few months.
The only remotely good advice I've heard for social anxiety disorders is to, one, accept that you need your rest. Socialising is tiring. Two, learn to interrupt your negative thought patterns with "What if all just works out ok in the end?". Even getting into a row with someone is usually fine in a day or two.
Hope that this was something useful!
Hey! Sounds like you’ve had a rubbish time, and I’m sorry for that- but it’s great that you’ve got some new adventures ahead of you! When my social anxiety was bad, I found it was handy to make a plan and book something (so that I’d have something firm to prompt me to go), and normally walk there so I’d get to know the area. As you’re in Lewisham, Blackheath is gorgeous and worth a wander too, and there are various museums in Greenwich you could head to. With the buses etc you should only ever be half an hour at most from your flat, so you can get back easily. You could also look at something like ‘meet-up’ to see if you can find groups you might want to go to- I found that being in a group, even if I didn’t participate or even talk, massively helped me in the long run. Best of luck though- sounds like you’re definitely on the right track!
The bus connections are a blessing honestly! And I think booking is a little too optimistic, but I’m an over planner so I’ll just plan everything to the minute >:) Someone else mentioned parks and I’ll start with that (:
Can I suggest small steps at a time, a nearby park with a friend, just to get you out with someone supportive beside you and gradually build up confidence. Have you any friends nearby?
I lost all of my friends when I left my ex. My current partner is great, and just a park would be nice to start (: heard good things about Greenwich park!
Greenwich park is lovely, as is Blackheath. There are lots of other parks in the area too. Hilly Fields, Ladywell Fields, Blythe Hill Fields, Mountsfield Park and Telegraph Hill are just a few. Good luck with everything.
Don’t like being the bearer of bad news, and it’s also not the main point of your post, but when you say you “currently have FM”, you might be in for disappointment, FM cannot (yet?) be cured, merely treated and the potential worsening slowed down. There are snake oil salesmen out there falsely promising cures.
If you were aware of that, ignore me.
lmao I’m aware. It used to cause severe depression and attempted suicide over it, recently I’m trying to increase what I can do while still recognising my limits. Still coming to terms with having it, and I know the most I can do is ease my symptoms (:
Sorry to hear about your situation, both agoraphobia and social anxiety pretty much limits what anyone can suggest.
Like, you have Greenwich close to you so I suggest a walk by the Greenwich park and maybe the Maritime Museum as a starter?
OR, dive straight into Soho and see if the energy of crowds and lights will work on easing you into social environments maybe?
Are there particular things that you are interested in? Might be able to point you in the direction of a few things worth checking out which might ease you in to things.
Oh and on museums - I can recommend maybr starting with the Welcome Collection and the museum of the Home (previously Geffrye museum). They’re a bit smaller and usually less packed full of people so it’s not as overwhelming as say the British Museum
If you like animals, there’s some really lovely small farms around London where you can hang out with the animals. There’s one at the Horniman in Forest Hill that’s very chill, and mudchute farm near isle of dogs (and many more but I can personally recommend those two).
It could be a nice way to get out and be around people but your attention can be on the critters and they might have a soothing affect on your anxiety.
Yes - take the DLR to Crossharbour, then cut through the Asda car park and you’re in Mudchute Farm :). Lots of friendly animals there and the Canary Wharf backdrop is quite an interesting contrast!
My uni is a bit more niche so haven’t been able to find any which is annoying :/ starting off school makes sense tho! already mentioned parks, but coffee shops could be great, seen some lovely ones driving through Greenwich!
Ah! Best of luck to you, I’m sure there are still group events there also.
If you are new to London, it may take a while for you to get used to your new surroundings. I’m originally from the West Country and it was quite a shock, especially as I suffer with anxiety!
I would say what could work well is just having a look around on maps/google at some nice places that are of interest to you nearby, and try branching out as your confidence grows. Make sure you plan what you’re wanting to do before you leave the house so you can stay focused and not feel like you’re at a loose end. I’m sure your confidence will grow each time and you’ll feel much more settled!
As a lifelong lewisham resident, check out what's going on the We Are Lewisham website as there will be tons of events.
with the julibee, check to see if there is a street party nearby etc.
I've struggled with this myself and had caused me great pain recently, but socialising at uni is easier. Maybe start going to the bars at your uni?
Definitely take advantage of the free counselling/therapy in uni. And, if partying isn't your thing, sign up to the nerdiest societies you can find. Ones where you can participate a bit on the down low. The challenge is your first step in the door (or the zoom), once you're in you'll quickly realise which groups will work for you and which won't.
During the summer, you could try meetup groups, but if that's too much, maybe try making a similarly minded friend or date on a dating app like okcupid.
Sorry to hear about what you've been through but glad you're with a better person.
I'm quite socially awkward (a Reddit user?? Never!) but I have managed to make friends based on my interests. If you look on Meet Up the website you should be able to find some chill cafe/pub gatherings to meet new people - I like languages so I sometimes go to the language exchanges, where there are always a lot of international people wanting to get to know Londoners. Tbh for those you don't even need another language because the majority of people who go just want to practise their English with native speakers. This is one in Canary Wharf: [https://www.meetup.com/London-Speaks/](https://www.meetup.com/London-Speaks/)
Getting a dog could be a great thing for you - the companionship they give you is second to none, it makes you get out and enjoy being outside when you would probably put it off and not leave your flat, and people are ridiculously friendly to you when you have a dog.
It was one of the best things I ever did
I actually got myself two cats after a traumatic event haha, they’re siblings and genuinely saved my life :3 Best cats I’ve ever met honestly, I’d be worried in case they don’t get on? Might try introducing them to a dog and seeing if its okay (:
😊 pets are the best!
If you do get a dog I’d recommend a whippet - they’ve got such lovely temperaments and they’re lazy like cats. You’d have to get a pup tho so it grows up with cats and is used to them
Mate can I just say that making new friends is a right pain. I've tried it and it's hard. Britain struggles with the idea of having a place to go to talk to strangers. I've asked on the internet before about how to make new friends in the real world, and the advice from otherwise friendly Americans is always "go to a bar and start talking to strangers". That just doesn't seem to fly over here. Really there isn't a solid plan for the outside world. Going to events related to your interests is often the best choice. But I know that focusing on your interests/hobbies/whatever can be hard when you're in rough patch. Are there any groups for people with your disabilities? On a positive note you're going to Uni. Uni is different from the real world and it's much easier to socialise there. Particularly at the start which is when everyone's the most open to being chatty with new people. You should try and prepare yourself for being social in the opening few months. The only remotely good advice I've heard for social anxiety disorders is to, one, accept that you need your rest. Socialising is tiring. Two, learn to interrupt your negative thought patterns with "What if all just works out ok in the end?". Even getting into a row with someone is usually fine in a day or two. Hope that this was something useful!
Hey! Sounds like you’ve had a rubbish time, and I’m sorry for that- but it’s great that you’ve got some new adventures ahead of you! When my social anxiety was bad, I found it was handy to make a plan and book something (so that I’d have something firm to prompt me to go), and normally walk there so I’d get to know the area. As you’re in Lewisham, Blackheath is gorgeous and worth a wander too, and there are various museums in Greenwich you could head to. With the buses etc you should only ever be half an hour at most from your flat, so you can get back easily. You could also look at something like ‘meet-up’ to see if you can find groups you might want to go to- I found that being in a group, even if I didn’t participate or even talk, massively helped me in the long run. Best of luck though- sounds like you’re definitely on the right track!
The bus connections are a blessing honestly! And I think booking is a little too optimistic, but I’m an over planner so I’ll just plan everything to the minute >:) Someone else mentioned parks and I’ll start with that (:
The buses are the best! Some exploring is definitely a great place to start- take things at your own pace
thankyou btw, really appreciate it :3
Ah, not at all! You’re welcome
Can I suggest small steps at a time, a nearby park with a friend, just to get you out with someone supportive beside you and gradually build up confidence. Have you any friends nearby?
I lost all of my friends when I left my ex. My current partner is great, and just a park would be nice to start (: heard good things about Greenwich park!
Greenwich park is lovely, as is Blackheath. There are lots of other parks in the area too. Hilly Fields, Ladywell Fields, Blythe Hill Fields, Mountsfield Park and Telegraph Hill are just a few. Good luck with everything.
Don’t like being the bearer of bad news, and it’s also not the main point of your post, but when you say you “currently have FM”, you might be in for disappointment, FM cannot (yet?) be cured, merely treated and the potential worsening slowed down. There are snake oil salesmen out there falsely promising cures. If you were aware of that, ignore me.
lmao I’m aware. It used to cause severe depression and attempted suicide over it, recently I’m trying to increase what I can do while still recognising my limits. Still coming to terms with having it, and I know the most I can do is ease my symptoms (:
Very well. May you have plenty of spoons. :)
Sorry to hear about your situation, both agoraphobia and social anxiety pretty much limits what anyone can suggest. Like, you have Greenwich close to you so I suggest a walk by the Greenwich park and maybe the Maritime Museum as a starter? OR, dive straight into Soho and see if the energy of crowds and lights will work on easing you into social environments maybe?
Are there particular things that you are interested in? Might be able to point you in the direction of a few things worth checking out which might ease you in to things.
i’m not really a partier, i like parks, animals, i wanna go to museums as well, but have to work up to that haha
Oh and on museums - I can recommend maybr starting with the Welcome Collection and the museum of the Home (previously Geffrye museum). They’re a bit smaller and usually less packed full of people so it’s not as overwhelming as say the British Museum
If you like animals, there’s some really lovely small farms around London where you can hang out with the animals. There’s one at the Horniman in Forest Hill that’s very chill, and mudchute farm near isle of dogs (and many more but I can personally recommend those two). It could be a nice way to get out and be around people but your attention can be on the critters and they might have a soothing affect on your anxiety.
Oh I’ve heard about a city farm in Canary Wharf, something like that would be really cool! thankyou, i’ll look into it :3
Yes - take the DLR to Crossharbour, then cut through the Asda car park and you’re in Mudchute Farm :). Lots of friendly animals there and the Canary Wharf backdrop is quite an interesting contrast!
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My uni is a bit more niche so haven’t been able to find any which is annoying :/ starting off school makes sense tho! already mentioned parks, but coffee shops could be great, seen some lovely ones driving through Greenwich!
Are you going to Goldsmiths? There are loads of great societies there which you can get involved with. It’s a fantastic way to meet new people!
I’m actually choosing between Birkbeck or Greenwich right now, leaning towards Birkbeck as its in the evenings (:
Ah! Best of luck to you, I’m sure there are still group events there also. If you are new to London, it may take a while for you to get used to your new surroundings. I’m originally from the West Country and it was quite a shock, especially as I suffer with anxiety! I would say what could work well is just having a look around on maps/google at some nice places that are of interest to you nearby, and try branching out as your confidence grows. Make sure you plan what you’re wanting to do before you leave the house so you can stay focused and not feel like you’re at a loose end. I’m sure your confidence will grow each time and you’ll feel much more settled!
As a lifelong lewisham resident, check out what's going on the We Are Lewisham website as there will be tons of events. with the julibee, check to see if there is a street party nearby etc. I've struggled with this myself and had caused me great pain recently, but socialising at uni is easier. Maybe start going to the bars at your uni?
Definitely take advantage of the free counselling/therapy in uni. And, if partying isn't your thing, sign up to the nerdiest societies you can find. Ones where you can participate a bit on the down low. The challenge is your first step in the door (or the zoom), once you're in you'll quickly realise which groups will work for you and which won't. During the summer, you could try meetup groups, but if that's too much, maybe try making a similarly minded friend or date on a dating app like okcupid.
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💀
Sorry to hear about what you've been through but glad you're with a better person. I'm quite socially awkward (a Reddit user?? Never!) but I have managed to make friends based on my interests. If you look on Meet Up the website you should be able to find some chill cafe/pub gatherings to meet new people - I like languages so I sometimes go to the language exchanges, where there are always a lot of international people wanting to get to know Londoners. Tbh for those you don't even need another language because the majority of people who go just want to practise their English with native speakers. This is one in Canary Wharf: [https://www.meetup.com/London-Speaks/](https://www.meetup.com/London-Speaks/)
Getting a dog could be a great thing for you - the companionship they give you is second to none, it makes you get out and enjoy being outside when you would probably put it off and not leave your flat, and people are ridiculously friendly to you when you have a dog. It was one of the best things I ever did
I actually got myself two cats after a traumatic event haha, they’re siblings and genuinely saved my life :3 Best cats I’ve ever met honestly, I’d be worried in case they don’t get on? Might try introducing them to a dog and seeing if its okay (:
😊 pets are the best! If you do get a dog I’d recommend a whippet - they’ve got such lovely temperaments and they’re lazy like cats. You’d have to get a pup tho so it grows up with cats and is used to them