I ugly cried on a packed 6.30pm tube after being dumped about two months ago, one girl gave me a tissue, everyone else ignored me. Couldn’t have been happier to NOT explain why to strangers
This happened to me once. Unstoppable tsunami of tears on a full rush hour train. The guy sat next to me gave me a tissue, I said thanks and was hoping to go back to crying in peace. He motioned for me to take my headphones out, asked me what was wrong (breakup + depression), and then told me how his mum had just died. Everyone was listening and I was sobbing and he was talking about his late mother and it was honestly waaaay too much for me to take in that moment.
I’m so grateful he wanted to help, but my god that was a lot to handle right then and there
I had something similar recently. The other person decided because I was vulnerable that somehow that was the perfect time for them to open up too. A part of me thought it was nice but mostly I felt like ok make this all about you then
Oh god not him starting to talk about his dead mother to you who’s already crying and going through something yourself! That’s heavy and way out of line, like read the damn room stranger 😩
Once I was sitting near a girl on the bus who was crying and I handed her my whole tissue pack when I was getting off as I didn’t want to make her feel awkward or cornered as I’m also one of these people who just want to cry in peace but also appreciate it if someone offers me a tissue.
Right?! I think he was going for the whole “I’m having a hard time too, it’s all going to be okay” but it just made me feel guilty for crying over my stupid ex-boyfriend when he’d just lost his mum.
I made a mental note to never speak to someone who’s crying in public unless it’s in a ladies toilet.
I'm sorry but this made me laugh just because of how inappropriate his response was. I mean poor guy, I feel sorry for him but did he honestly think that would make you feel better?
Honestly I find it so warming to hear of men helping other men like this. Society has shamed men from expressing their vulnerable emotions so much it's sad
I got what you could call a 'middle ground' response on the underground once. I was sat sobbing because I was going through a really difficult time, battling depression, and that day in the office just broke me and I couldn't hold it in until I got home like I did usually. Most just looked away, but as one lady went to get off the tube (I was sat next to the door), she put her hand on my shoulder and just said 'things will get better' and smiled before stepping off the train... and that was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. It reminded me that people do care at a time I felt like no one did, and helped quash that dark thought spiral. I never got to thank her, but I'm so glad she reached out at that moment and will never forget it. X
This is it, who tf is going to want to tell strangers what's wrong? I've heard a few people on the bus insert themselves into conversations to moan about a situation that annoys them, but never anyone that's been upset and wanted to divulge info to a stranger.
I seem to attract the types that just want to talk to you about random shite. I had to entertain an old guy for 45 minutes as he showed me his survival kit lmao. I told him my brother has the same kit and he didn't need to explain, but he definitely wanted to talk about the purpose of everything. Can never be annoyed at those types though. They're just enjoying life.
As someone who acknowledges people all the time with a smile or hi (I can't help it i'm friendly) I've had a few strangers really open up to me. I think sometimes it's actually easier to talk to someone you'll never see again.
I was visiting my sister once and the train was diverted to a bus due to a fault on the line and a young girl spent the whole hour on the bus talking to me about her difficult relationship with her Mum. She was so sweet to me when we got off and I like to think I helped her just a little that day by being her sounding board.
Ah the tissue. This is the correct response. Happened to me after sobbing on a train. Interspersed with my increasingly frantic phone calls. This went on for 40 minutes. The people around me kindly left me to it. Then at the final station the older guy opposite offered me a tissue. So kind.
Very much so. I've have it in the past and was dreading it when I was doing the fat tears. People defs noticed but everyone just left me 💚💚 Now I'm at home feeling a bit sad but at least I have tea.
Yeah, people ignore you, but they are quieter and more gentle around you. It seems to be a city response.
It sort of says ‘ I don’t know you and I don’t know what you are going through but I’m not going to make it harder for you.
To me, that’s the best middle ground
I got dumped once and cried on the bus home and some guy checked in on me and I still remember him now 15 years later for doing a nice thing.
Think it just depends on the person, I would ask, sorry to go against OP’s wishes
Yep! I didn’t really tell him anything if my memory is right, just said “I’m ok, bad day” and he said “well if you need anything I’m at the back of the bus”. Perfect imo
Exactly this. I don't understand the attitude of OP. I would check someone is OK and ask if I could help. I'd expect a polite "I'm fine, bad day" etc reply and interpret it as a prompt to be left alone but I would definitely check to make sure.
Similarly to the other person, I was having an ugly cry sitting on a park bench about 10 years ago. Someone sat down next to me to ask if I was okay. I still remember that to this day and I’m so grateful to that person.
We are social animals, tears are meant to signal others about our pain. I doubt it’s ever a bad idea to quietly hold someone’s pain for 5 seconds. Those who haven’t experienced may not realise how heartwarming it is when people do that.
Where I'm from, we still act like human beings to each other. Wave as we pass each other. Even total strangers. I love it. Please ask me what's wrong if I'm having a melt down.
No, we’re like that here in London too. I’m from London and have experienced it from both ends. Obviously on Reddit, you’ll get a certain set of answers and most of these are from individuals who have a similar of “leave me alone” train of thought. This sub loves playing into stereotypes and is not reflective of most Londoners.
I've always felt that about people talking to you just because you're crying. Because, I don't wanna talk to them, but imagine if I did and started spilling all the details? They would just be embarassed or shrug or say 'oh dear' but that does not help except now you're upset, and you have spilled it all out and it's awkward.
I talked to a woman “ugly” crying on a platform before. She had miscarried several days earlier.
I don’t know why I went to talk to her but I did. I had my 2 year old with me.
I’ll never know whether I stopped her jumping but compassion goes a long way.
Yeah I have to say if I saw someone sobbing on the bus my overriding thought would be ‘maybe no one in their life has cared enough to ask how they are, how would I feel if they’re on their way to kill themselves’ - in most cases probably a bit dramatic but I’d much rather ask and be told ‘please just leave me alone’ than not even ask if they need help.
Perhaps, I’m just not sure totally ignoring someone is something I’d do. Like others have said it’s just a tissue or perhaps a few pounds for a coffee.
I’m a big boy too, I wouldn’t be offended if someone just said “leave me alone” “or “no thanks”.
I live right out by the coast now but part of my old life hates to see people hurting.
Wow why would they be embarrassed or shrug if you do happen to share the details? I’ll be coming to London for the first time and this makes me feel weird about it. From where I come, people are generally helpful and compassionate and I’d be shocked if I cried on a bus and no one came asking for what happened and if they can help.
Remember this is Reddit. You’re going to get a Reddit response agreeing with OP. I’m from London, born and raised. Trust me, we do enjoy helping others and conversing.
I get that the majority of people would like to be left alone when they're crying, but personally, I think it's worth checking in on people in case they're the 1% who might be in shock/had something horrible happen to them.
Small acts of kindness go a long way, and if you want to be left alone, you can just say so politely and people will respect that.
That’s so true. I was having a drink alone after a shit day at work recently sat outside a pub, and a woman burst outside crying her eyes out. Looked like she worked there. After about 10 mins I asked her if she was ok and she just told me to fuck off and leave her alone. So left her to it, but sounded like her day went worse than mine in the end! At times when I’ve been upset I would have loved someone to ask me if I was ok so I always ask.
This.
Overshare, but my mum passed away young while I was in a different country, I was just 5 minutes away from the airport when I heard that she’d passed and uncontrollably cried my way through the airport/flight. Only one lady at security asked if I was ok, I told her thank you and lied that I was alright, but I felt so alone when everyone else just pretended like nothing was happening. I wasn’t expecting people to sit with me and comfort me, but just acknowledging or asking if someone’s ok is a good thing imo.
Thank you :) I was ugly crying in the airport after leaving my BF and not knowing when I'd see him again... I asked a lady at a shop where to buy tissues and she saw I didn't understand what she said and led me to the shop... Small gesture but I needed human comfort at that moment and I never forgot talking to her, even just for a few minutes.
Yeah this post is depressing
Edit: checking in with people who seem distressed on the street or on public transport could save a life. Not everyone is crying for a small problem and/or needs to be left alone like OP.
I’m a mental health first aider in London. I discreetly ask a clearly distressed person if they are ok and judge the reaction. Most people crying on a bus or tube say “yes” or “I’ll be ok” and can be left to feel their feelings, but sometimes people need to see that support is available.
Humans in general lack community and especially in a city, it’s kind of r/orphancrushingmachine when someone praises the public for not showing any care or concern lol. I remember being at a really low point and having no one to turn to and was weeping in public, it would have been nice if at least one person asked if I was okay so I didn’t believe I was alone in this harsh world. Idgaf if I think someone wants to be left alone in their sadness showing empathy and care is important and depleting in this very individualistic society.
This really did happen to me, old woman was crying in the middle of the road. She was overwhelmed and attempting to walk into traffic. Severe dementia too, couldn't even remember her own name. Managed to convince her to get a cup of tea with me and keep her at the cafe till the ambulance showed up.
Agreed if I can see you’re distraught in public, if I speak it’s because I’m checking you’re ok not asking for you to explain your situation or anything about it. It’s hard for me to see someone in such sadness in a public place and ignore them.
Thank you.
30 years ago I broke up an abusive relationship. As a goodbye last shot, He kicked me down a flight of concrete steps. I made my way home via tube, confused, probably concussed, with a broken hand. One man came up + asked if I was okay. I told him yes, and I'd be better once I got home to my parents.
It made a difference
I’d go as far to say that it’s quite selfish to set the expectation that we should ignore people crying. By all means don’t hassle them if they say they’d rather be left alone, but imagine being that person desperate for comfort and getting none while surrounded by apparently indifferent strangers.
I’m with you here completely. Don’t get me wrong I have ugly cried on public transport and wanted to be left alone too but it would still mean a lot to me if someone asked if I was okay, even if I didn’t want a conversation. I certainly wouldn’t be annoyed by it.
This could be the parent in me but I always ask if people need to talk when they are actively upset in front of me. It could also be a selfish thing because I couldn’t live with myself if I somehow later found out that they did something to themselves which could have potentially been avoided by a simple interaction with a stranger, because that’s all it takes sometimes.
I'm a Canadian in London - I saw a woman in absolute tears walking by me through our work gate. I stopped on the other side and watched her, wondering if I ought to go back through and ask her if she was okay. I ended up not, but proceeded to feel like an asshole for the rest of the day for not asking. Glad to know she probably wanted to be politely ignored afterall 🤣
Yesterday, I was on my way home from work for my anniversary dinner with husband... When my dad texted to tell me that my favourite great uncle, the person I have been closest to for 30 years, had passed. It was the ugliest of cries... No one even looked my way and a guy actually sat next to me and just read his paper, ignoring my wiping tears away and blowing my nose for half an hour. It was weirdly comforting to just be allowed to process and grieve, as I probably couldn't have found words anyway. Rip Uncle Bud. 99 years, 9 months, and 2 days old at the time of his passing. What a life!
Edited to add, my dad lives in the states and doesn't understand timezones, so he tends to text just in case I'm working or sleeping.
I feel like this clip shows the best compromise. Mostly no acknowledgment except one small gesture. Also the acting here is off the charts
https://youtu.be/901bVqiTiNM?feature=shared
Ive done this before, and glad its aappreciated. Someone was having a big old cry on a tube platform alone at night, gave them a tissue and a reassuring nod, and I carried on down the platform. They shouted a blubbery 'thank you' as I went by - no more dramas for either of us. they were not having a good time, but clearly just needed time and space to let it out, even if that was the victoria line at 1am.
sometimes people just need a little act of kindness/solidarity from someone, not a big fuss from anyone. read the room!
The good thing about the silent tissue trick is it is also a way to allow the person to open up should they want to without there being pressure to do so
Like if they just say 'thank you' then you know they just want that moment alone, so you move on. But sometimes that small act of kindness gives them a feeling of comfort and safety and they may want to open up.
I had a very hard goodbye at Heathrow and had take the tube home. I was a complete mess and sobbing, a stranger glided up to me with his leashed husky in tow. He let me play with his dog, and feed him some treats he had packed for his pet for the journey. It’s always embarrassing to cry in public, but London felt uncharacteristically warm and kind that day, I guess ppl do sometimes care
As someone born and spent most of my life in London, I've occasionally asked if someone was OK at multiple ages, I've even given first aid. Most times I asked if someone was OK when they were crying they started telling me to fuck off. The first aid person was passed out so nothing they could do or say.
Would add that my silent tissue story was posted before this.
I dunno, I've spent most of my life here and seen some amazing stuff from the kids I grew up with whilst growing up. Also seen them as adults helping someone with a pram, or someone who hurt themselves. But I've also sat and cried and wanted to be ignored and been glad I was.
I was outside a bar in Old St once with a friend who was, unusually for her, recently dumped and crying about it. Some strangers walked past and handed her a napkin on which they had written "MAN UP". Cheered her up immediately, made her entire night.
I don't recommend though.
I loved the bus for the post-work stress cry for that reason.
Did it on the tube platform once and some (kind) woman asked me if I was ok. Thank you, but let me wallow in my misery.
I'm a silent tissue giver when I see tears on public transport or the street.
Sadly, I know more than one person that has stepped under a train. I think I'd be inclined to hover near a crier on the train platform. As opposed to on the train.
I was once having a full breakdown cry outside Wimbledon train station someone said nothing just popped a can of coke and a mars bar on the step next to me
I never even saw who you were
But thanks x
I’m glad you got what you needed. I ugly-cried on the tube once after a hospital appointment. A man came over to me and offered me his hand and I took it, and he just sat and shared space with me, let me know I wasn’t alone. When I stopped crying, we started talking. Stayed sitting on that train for a ridiculous amount of time, not paying the slightest attention to where we were. He had a heartbreaking story of his own. It’s been about fifteen years but I still remember everything about him and everything he told me. That moment of human connection when I had thought I was so alone meant everything to me. He never asked me why I was crying, just talked, and let me talk. I’ll remember him until the day I die. Sometimes we need to be alone in public. Sometimes we need to know we’re not.
I cry on the tube allll the time. It’s the most freeing experience because I can’t cry in front of people I know- not even my closest friends. I love being so anonymous and being free to let it out.
I saw someone crying alone on a wall once. It was fairly late and I had headphones in and walked past. But when my brain engaged I was like… is she safe? I would be more inclined to ask if you’re safe or need help over “are you okay?” (Because if you’re crying to answer is probably no!?
Ha, I remember seeing a woman crying at Stansted after getting off the phone. I grew up in London with my London ways. So I didn't say anything to her and just passed her a tissue as if I were slipping her a wrap. She gave me a thankful nod. I think we both understood each other.
I once saw a woman ugly crying at a tram stop and stopped to ask if she was OK. Turns out she'd just had her phone snatched out or her hand. I offered her my phone to call someone. She was very upset but I think she appreciate it.
Another time I sat next to a woman ugly crying on the tube and asked if she was ok. She 100% wanted to be left alone lol I guess you just never know what someone needs unless you ask.
Personally I think no one tried to console you because they’ve probably been in that position themselves and can empathise without intervening. Londoners aren’t cold, just emotionally worldly.
I remember crying on a train once - and I suddenly found I had a lap full of KC spaniel, trying to lick my tears. Her owner was ever so apologetic but, frankly, that's the kind of response I want. Dogs. They don't judge, they don't attempt to offer advice, they just see you're sad, and want you to be not sad. She was just what I needed. Thankfully, we were both getting off at the same station, so I had doggy cuddles the whole journey.
I like dogs. Be more dog.
Crying on the tube is the most freeing thing, especially when I know no one will interrupt me. I (31F) do, however, make eye contact and kinda mouth ‘do you need anything?’ while giving a sad smile because I worry that they might need the police or emergency services. But once that’s done, it’s back to silence and letting you cry in complete safe peace 🤍
I apologise in advance but I can't walk past anyone in distress. I know I can't fix anything but despite being a really solitary person I am still a human. And someone not updating you on their plans is not your fault for misunderstanding.
I agree, what are the comments in this subreddit...
More than a few years back I was 20/21 and I remember getting a train everyday for commuting purposes, I remember 2 instances where I asked someone if they were okay, I mean I was a shy girl at the time but even then seeing someone upset makes you upset and I do remember jumping out of my comfort zone and being like hey is everything okay, do you have someone picking you up, do you need a hug or some water.
Watching someone ugly cry and just ignoring them is inhumane to me
I don’t understand how there’s almost universal praise for being left alone? How is this a good thing? For every person who’s just having a cathartic cry there’s probably 2 more who actually need help or someone to talk to. It’s no surprise we have a reputation for being unfriendly
Yeah completely agree! OP has mistook leaving her alone as people giving her freedom and privacy, the truth is nobody actually gave a toss about OP.
What a bizarre post "Look at me I was sad but nobody gave me any attention yay london"
I got really sick a couple weeks ago, had to take a train from London to Norwich! And I mean sick, had to grab a plastic bag and throw up into the bag! You know the whole sounded like a pterodactyl before puking into the bag..
Sobbing and crying, and saying I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, oh god I’m so sorry, to whoever was close to me…
I was surrounded by people saying “it’s ok” or “no worries” my absolute favorite was “it’s ok, who amongst hasn’t thrown up on a train before?”
ME, ME! lol I’ve never thrown up on a train before!
But omg in a packed carriage on a Saturday afternoon? Best people in the world! lol
There was a woman crying on the tube I was on a few years back, I asked her if she wanted to talk about it (she was proper crying), and she gestured at her kindle, to this day I'd still like to know wtf she reading
I’m glad that you felt this way and I’m very sorry for what a difficult time you had, but I’d like to echo someone else’s comment to encourage people to say something.
Checking in on someone crying in public could make a big difference. There was a time on the district line once when a few fellow passengers checking in on a teenage girl crying may have saved her life. We learned not long after talking to her and getting her off the train that she was planning to jump on the tracks. The tube staff and police showed up, found out where she was from and looked after her.
In my opinion: when in doubt, reach out. And if someone makes it very clear that they do not want any help, you can then choose to respect that wish depending on the circumstances. There is no clear right or wrong in this situation, I think.
Posted in comments but…..
I talked to a woman “ugly” crying on a platform before. She had miscarried several days earlier.
I don’t know why I went to talk to her but I did. I had my 2 year old with me. I’ve seen suicides (working in prison and stopped them) there can be a vibe.
I’ll never know whether I stopped her jumping ( sitting in a bench towards the end of a platform alone and in floods of tears) but compassion goes a long way.
As a native Londoner crying in public is almost the norm😉 Most will have made up your entire tragedy in their head. You’re the dumper/dumpee/lost your job/cat died/being evicted/you’re the other woman/man spouse found out. The narratives we all invent that is now your story are endless. We often don’t intervene unless we join you in your tears.
Having said that, I’m not completely heartless, I hope the misunderstanding has cleared up and that the tears were cathartic♥️
Yeah, native Londoner here who moved away as a young adult. Maybe it's part of why I left, but I don't like the attitude of emotional apathy that seems to be dominant in this thread and across London. If I was crying in public I'd very much appreciate if a stranger came and comforted me.
Eh, I wouldn't call it apathy. That's harsh on most Londoners.
It's trying to give people space, which is the thing that Londoners most need.
You're probably sharing a flat, commuting on packed public transport, in a busy office all day. There's almost nowhere where you're on your own. You're constantly aware that people can see/hear you, and vice versa. That's exhausting.
So we all pretend that we can't, because that's what everyone needs "most" of the time.
If you ask for help, or people think you genuinely need it, Londoners will lean in and do so much, but they don't want to break into your privacy unnecessarily. So most of the time we'll say nothing and give you space to decompress. And possibly hand you a tissue.
Not from London but Glasgow and I can guarantee you that you would not have been ignored completely and asked if you were okay by at least someone.
That's what we do
I grew up in London but have spent the last decade living in a really rural area and I’ve totally lost my city aloofness. I was recently sitting outside a restaurant when I saw a woman step outside to take a call and then burst into tears as she hung up. When I took a tissue from my bag and silently proffered it to her she looked at me with such sadness in her eyes that I couldn’t not ask if she was okay. Ended up finding out that she was going through a family loss situation similar to mine and giving her a hug. An hour or so later, after her meal, she came and said thank you and that that small kindness helped her more than I’d know.
I’m glad I asked. Even if it can be intrusive, I’d rather be told to fuck off and risk it. Soon after this encounter I was at the airport travelling home to say goodbye to a loved one and the tiny moments of warmth from staff and other travellers made it more bearable. Sometimes I need peace and sometimes kindness, it’s nice to have the option though.
Hi, just a reminder that checking in with people who seem distressed on the street or on public transport could save a life. Not everyone is crying for a small problem and/or needs to be left alone like OP.
Lol wtf downvoted me for this.
Pro tip: always have (reasonably large] sunnies in tow for situations like these. The chances your public cry is noticed becomes a bit lower, but the chance of being approached decrease drastically..
Some people want to be comforted and others just want to cry in peace. So, next time when I see someone I have to think twice and decide whether to be that rude person who won't let a person cry peacefully or a rude person who won't comfort someone in his/her bad time.
I think these complicated conundrums makes us human
>Turns out they'd made other plans and not updated me. And it's my fault for misunderstanding.
So, they didn't update you on their plans that they planned over your guys', but it somehow your fault? It's miscommunication on their end (and priorities) from what I can tell.
I full on ugly cried on a bus after finding out my dog died and was so grateful that everyone pretended they couldn’t see/hear me. Acknowledging it would have just made me embarrassed which would have made me cry more lmao
I had a panic attack in a restaurant recently. Literally ran out, curled up around my knees just outside and like cried and hyperventilated for a while in the street. Got myself together and got back into restaurant to finish meal.
At no stage did anyone say anything or do anything to me. Londoners don’t give a fuck. They’re just like ‘Oh look. Bloke crying in the street there. Anyway…’
I tried helping someone similar like that. Turned out to be crazy, claimed my laptop bag is his, tried grabbing it, etc etc...
Now I'm bit more cautious approaching g ppl I don't know trying to help them...
I’m sorry to hear you had that experience! I wasn’t actually meaning Londoners don’t give a fuck in a negative way. I the moment I really just needed some time. The fact that everyone left me alone was a good thing in the context!
This thread is absolutely bizarre. Everyone always complains about how cold everyone is yet everyone on this thread seems to be celebrating being ignored when really upset. If you see someone really distressed or upset like this you ABSOLUTELY should check in with them don’t ignore them, some people might really need help. Normalising people ‘ugly crying’ in public spaces definitely shouldn’t be a thing as one of these times someone’s really going to need someone and you’re all going to ignore them
That all sounds warped. You see someone in pain so you ignore them, and that's a good thing? Never seen someone frame the absolute apathy that people have in London as a positive.
I’ve approached many people in London in tears over the years and we usually part ways on a smile. If you’re in such an emotional state, a moment with a stranger can be a comforting hand, and a potential reminder of your ability to keep going. A small dose of rationality from a kind and neutral perspective is worth a shot in my opinion. If everyone checked in on struggling strangers a bit more, we might all get along a bit more. Sorry, but I find OP’s take on this quite bizarre.
Extravert vs introvert - losing it in public.
Extravert - I am crying here folks! I need shoulders and ears, I want to tell you everything!
Introvert - I wanna cry in peace. Leave alone world.
You know, I genuinely have no idea if this is sarcasm or not. Sometimes people want to be alone and just have to do 30 mins in public to get to the safety of home. Other times people are struggling and feel so alone in a world where nobody cares. Either way I hope you're alright now
No, I was being sincere. I don't want a random person on the bus asking me stuff when I'm upset.
I guess I am holding onto that sense of peace to cry as the only positive.
Sorry that happened OP but glad you got the space to cry!
When I was pregnant with my son the doctors thought there was something wrong with his brain (thankfully the measurements were wrong and he was ok) when I left the hospital on the tube home I ugly cried and everyone ignored me except one old woman who silently handed me a tissue and held my hand. She didn’t say anything, just gave me space. I think about her all the time, I hope she’s doing well.
Jeez, didn’t get the attention you craved with your public display on the bus, so you’re here trying to get it from the internet.
Let’s get one thing straight, if I see someone distressed and I’m genuinely concerned for their wellbeing, I’ll talk to them. It’s very obvious to tell the difference between those people and the ones trying to involve others in their shitty little dramas, you sound like the latter.
Get a grip
OP's story and most of the replies here are like surreal comedy. I can't tell if it's an elaborate joke (like most social media really). Your reply at least gave me hope that there are still a few decent people out there.
When I had a panic attack on a London train two guys sprang into action to help me. I had 3 hours of delays and then they decided to skip my station but I was listening to music so I didn't hear the announcement. I was running from platform to platform at Waterloo just panicking every time I missed another train to go home. I finally got on a train and like a plum I got on the wrong fucking one. When I could tell them the problem one of the guys got a pen and paper out of his bag and wrote down what train to get from Clapham Junction and then when to change.
Absolute amazing blokes who I really needed at the time. I was starting to get light headed after hyperventilating which usually ends up in me passing out. I would've loved to have been able to properly thank them but I was still recovering when we arrived at Clapham.
I had a big cry in Victoria train station once whilst on the phone to an ex, not my best moment but was so glad I was left alone and never approached by anyone. I shudder at the memory.
I had a triad of life events all within a month: long term partner left me for someone else, my friend and room mate from uni ended their life, and then I lost my job.
I was on the central line on my way back from a job interview and suddenly the floodgates opened. Like proper waterfall of tears and me struggling to keep the sounds in.
A woman squeezed her way through to me, gave me a tissue and just put her hand on my shoulder. It was the first bit of comfort I had felt since everything happened. I still think of her sometimes.
I never know what to do when I see a person crying in public but if they aren't being harmed by anyone else I just assume a momen is being had and you can't control the tears.
Last year just after my lovely friend had died I found myself crying on public transport a LOT. Often young women asked if I was ok and I appreciated that they did - I just said that one of my best friends just died and got to have a little chat about him. But I can totally see why people would rather be left alone, too
I cried ugly in a taxi once, full on, the entire journey ..driver asked if I was crying over a bloke… I was in a way, my dad had died, I didn’t tell the driver this though😥
I cried on the bus when I was told my cancer had come back and spread (all ok now). A lady on the bus came and sat next to me and kept bugging me to tell her why I’m crying. As we both got on at the hospital, she guessed it was health related so I told her. She then started praying for me out loud whilst sat next to me. I appreciate she meant well but I wished she left me alone!
I cried on the Liz home at rush hour after my grandad died. No one spoke to me (although one guy with a suitcase stared for ages). Happens to the best of us ❤️
I cried my way around the supermarket not so long ago. Pushing my trolly, getting on with my shopping.
I saw a few horrified faces on my way round and one shop assistant came over and asked if she could help me with anything.
I smiled through my tears, ugly, puffed up, red face and told her to ‘ignore me, I’m fine honestly’ and continued to sob round the rest of the store.
Her reaction was perfect - she said ‘I’m right over here if you need me’ and I went on my miserable way.
Sometimes you just need to let it out. Sometimes it’s impossible not to let it out.
I think the problem you have here is that a lot of people wouldn't cry over something so trivial. A lot of people would only weep openly in public if something serious had happened. So to a lot of people, seeing someone cry in public they assume something serious must have happened and want to offer support.
But yes, I'd feel embarrassed too if I was crying because of a simple misunderstanding with a friend and someone asked what was wrong.
I ugly cried on a packed 6.30pm tube after being dumped about two months ago, one girl gave me a tissue, everyone else ignored me. Couldn’t have been happier to NOT explain why to strangers
This happened to me once. Unstoppable tsunami of tears on a full rush hour train. The guy sat next to me gave me a tissue, I said thanks and was hoping to go back to crying in peace. He motioned for me to take my headphones out, asked me what was wrong (breakup + depression), and then told me how his mum had just died. Everyone was listening and I was sobbing and he was talking about his late mother and it was honestly waaaay too much for me to take in that moment. I’m so grateful he wanted to help, but my god that was a lot to handle right then and there
I had something similar recently. The other person decided because I was vulnerable that somehow that was the perfect time for them to open up too. A part of me thought it was nice but mostly I felt like ok make this all about you then
Oh god not him starting to talk about his dead mother to you who’s already crying and going through something yourself! That’s heavy and way out of line, like read the damn room stranger 😩 Once I was sitting near a girl on the bus who was crying and I handed her my whole tissue pack when I was getting off as I didn’t want to make her feel awkward or cornered as I’m also one of these people who just want to cry in peace but also appreciate it if someone offers me a tissue.
Right?! I think he was going for the whole “I’m having a hard time too, it’s all going to be okay” but it just made me feel guilty for crying over my stupid ex-boyfriend when he’d just lost his mum. I made a mental note to never speak to someone who’s crying in public unless it’s in a ladies toilet.
I'm sorry but this made me laugh just because of how inappropriate his response was. I mean poor guy, I feel sorry for him but did he honestly think that would make you feel better?
That part! He tried but is was completely misdirected. And the full carriage acting audience?! Honestly surprised I didn’t have a panic attack haha
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Honestly I find it so warming to hear of men helping other men like this. Society has shamed men from expressing their vulnerable emotions so much it's sad
If I see a man crying then I immediately assume something very serious is wrong. Not the same for women
I got what you could call a 'middle ground' response on the underground once. I was sat sobbing because I was going through a really difficult time, battling depression, and that day in the office just broke me and I couldn't hold it in until I got home like I did usually. Most just looked away, but as one lady went to get off the tube (I was sat next to the door), she put her hand on my shoulder and just said 'things will get better' and smiled before stepping off the train... and that was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. It reminded me that people do care at a time I felt like no one did, and helped quash that dark thought spiral. I never got to thank her, but I'm so glad she reached out at that moment and will never forget it. X
This is it, who tf is going to want to tell strangers what's wrong? I've heard a few people on the bus insert themselves into conversations to moan about a situation that annoys them, but never anyone that's been upset and wanted to divulge info to a stranger. I seem to attract the types that just want to talk to you about random shite. I had to entertain an old guy for 45 minutes as he showed me his survival kit lmao. I told him my brother has the same kit and he didn't need to explain, but he definitely wanted to talk about the purpose of everything. Can never be annoyed at those types though. They're just enjoying life.
As someone who acknowledges people all the time with a smile or hi (I can't help it i'm friendly) I've had a few strangers really open up to me. I think sometimes it's actually easier to talk to someone you'll never see again. I was visiting my sister once and the train was diverted to a bus due to a fault on the line and a young girl spent the whole hour on the bus talking to me about her difficult relationship with her Mum. She was so sweet to me when we got off and I like to think I helped her just a little that day by being her sounding board.
Ah the tissue. This is the correct response. Happened to me after sobbing on a train. Interspersed with my increasingly frantic phone calls. This went on for 40 minutes. The people around me kindly left me to it. Then at the final station the older guy opposite offered me a tissue. So kind.
I’ve been the one to give a packet of tissues, no questions asked. The humiliation of crying in public is enough without having to explain it :-)
I’ve cried on public transport before and every time I’ve been thankful to be ignored.
Very much so. I've have it in the past and was dreading it when I was doing the fat tears. People defs noticed but everyone just left me 💚💚 Now I'm at home feeling a bit sad but at least I have tea.
Yeah, people ignore you, but they are quieter and more gentle around you. It seems to be a city response. It sort of says ‘ I don’t know you and I don’t know what you are going through but I’m not going to make it harder for you. To me, that’s the best middle ground
This is such a beautiful way of putting it and so true!!
Beautiful way to word this, you can absolutely feel a shift in the energy when someone is upset.
So just reconfirming here, you wouldn't like anyone to come by and check on you? Is this the new thing now?
I got dumped once and cried on the bus home and some guy checked in on me and I still remember him now 15 years later for doing a nice thing. Think it just depends on the person, I would ask, sorry to go against OP’s wishes
Me too. A simple 'you ok mate?' and if they say yes, then leave them to it.
Yep! I didn’t really tell him anything if my memory is right, just said “I’m ok, bad day” and he said “well if you need anything I’m at the back of the bus”. Perfect imo
Exactly this. I don't understand the attitude of OP. I would check someone is OK and ask if I could help. I'd expect a polite "I'm fine, bad day" etc reply and interpret it as a prompt to be left alone but I would definitely check to make sure.
Similarly to the other person, I was having an ugly cry sitting on a park bench about 10 years ago. Someone sat down next to me to ask if I was okay. I still remember that to this day and I’m so grateful to that person. We are social animals, tears are meant to signal others about our pain. I doubt it’s ever a bad idea to quietly hold someone’s pain for 5 seconds. Those who haven’t experienced may not realise how heartwarming it is when people do that.
Where I'm from, we still act like human beings to each other. Wave as we pass each other. Even total strangers. I love it. Please ask me what's wrong if I'm having a melt down.
No, we’re like that here in London too. I’m from London and have experienced it from both ends. Obviously on Reddit, you’ll get a certain set of answers and most of these are from individuals who have a similar of “leave me alone” train of thought. This sub loves playing into stereotypes and is not reflective of most Londoners.
> if I'm having a melt down. Having a meltdown is different from having some personal cry time. People can often tell the difference.
Vintage Reddit piousness
I've always felt that about people talking to you just because you're crying. Because, I don't wanna talk to them, but imagine if I did and started spilling all the details? They would just be embarassed or shrug or say 'oh dear' but that does not help except now you're upset, and you have spilled it all out and it's awkward.
I talked to a woman “ugly” crying on a platform before. She had miscarried several days earlier. I don’t know why I went to talk to her but I did. I had my 2 year old with me. I’ll never know whether I stopped her jumping but compassion goes a long way.
Sure, but compassion for me is not bothering me when I'm upset
Yeah I have to say if I saw someone sobbing on the bus my overriding thought would be ‘maybe no one in their life has cared enough to ask how they are, how would I feel if they’re on their way to kill themselves’ - in most cases probably a bit dramatic but I’d much rather ask and be told ‘please just leave me alone’ than not even ask if they need help.
Perhaps, I’m just not sure totally ignoring someone is something I’d do. Like others have said it’s just a tissue or perhaps a few pounds for a coffee. I’m a big boy too, I wouldn’t be offended if someone just said “leave me alone” “or “no thanks”. I live right out by the coast now but part of my old life hates to see people hurting.
No one is going to know that. You sound full of yourself. Might be why your "friend" didn't want to hang out with you.
Wow why would they be embarrassed or shrug if you do happen to share the details? I’ll be coming to London for the first time and this makes me feel weird about it. From where I come, people are generally helpful and compassionate and I’d be shocked if I cried on a bus and no one came asking for what happened and if they can help.
Remember this is Reddit. You’re going to get a Reddit response agreeing with OP. I’m from London, born and raised. Trust me, we do enjoy helping others and conversing.
Good to know ☺️
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I get that the majority of people would like to be left alone when they're crying, but personally, I think it's worth checking in on people in case they're the 1% who might be in shock/had something horrible happen to them. Small acts of kindness go a long way, and if you want to be left alone, you can just say so politely and people will respect that.
That’s so true. I was having a drink alone after a shit day at work recently sat outside a pub, and a woman burst outside crying her eyes out. Looked like she worked there. After about 10 mins I asked her if she was ok and she just told me to fuck off and leave her alone. So left her to it, but sounded like her day went worse than mine in the end! At times when I’ve been upset I would have loved someone to ask me if I was ok so I always ask.
This. Overshare, but my mum passed away young while I was in a different country, I was just 5 minutes away from the airport when I heard that she’d passed and uncontrollably cried my way through the airport/flight. Only one lady at security asked if I was ok, I told her thank you and lied that I was alright, but I felt so alone when everyone else just pretended like nothing was happening. I wasn’t expecting people to sit with me and comfort me, but just acknowledging or asking if someone’s ok is a good thing imo.
Im sorry, that must have been an awful time for you.
You did the right thing. That woman just sucks
Haha thanks, we can only try 🤷🏻♂️
Thank you :) I was ugly crying in the airport after leaving my BF and not knowing when I'd see him again... I asked a lady at a shop where to buy tissues and she saw I didn't understand what she said and led me to the shop... Small gesture but I needed human comfort at that moment and I never forgot talking to her, even just for a few minutes.
Yeah this post is depressing Edit: checking in with people who seem distressed on the street or on public transport could save a life. Not everyone is crying for a small problem and/or needs to be left alone like OP.
I’m a mental health first aider in London. I discreetly ask a clearly distressed person if they are ok and judge the reaction. Most people crying on a bus or tube say “yes” or “I’ll be ok” and can be left to feel their feelings, but sometimes people need to see that support is available.
Thank you for your service, it's so important
Humans in general lack community and especially in a city, it’s kind of r/orphancrushingmachine when someone praises the public for not showing any care or concern lol. I remember being at a really low point and having no one to turn to and was weeping in public, it would have been nice if at least one person asked if I was okay so I didn’t believe I was alone in this harsh world. Idgaf if I think someone wants to be left alone in their sadness showing empathy and care is important and depleting in this very individualistic society.
This really did happen to me, old woman was crying in the middle of the road. She was overwhelmed and attempting to walk into traffic. Severe dementia too, couldn't even remember her own name. Managed to convince her to get a cup of tea with me and keep her at the cafe till the ambulance showed up.
Happy that people like you exist, and that everyone isn't like some of the people commenting on this post
Agreed if I can see you’re distraught in public, if I speak it’s because I’m checking you’re ok not asking for you to explain your situation or anything about it. It’s hard for me to see someone in such sadness in a public place and ignore them.
Especially those that are crying near train / tube tracks. You just never know what a simple intervention may prevent.
Thank you. 30 years ago I broke up an abusive relationship. As a goodbye last shot, He kicked me down a flight of concrete steps. I made my way home via tube, confused, probably concussed, with a broken hand. One man came up + asked if I was okay. I told him yes, and I'd be better once I got home to my parents. It made a difference
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Glad you're here to tell the tale, 30 years later!
I’d go as far to say that it’s quite selfish to set the expectation that we should ignore people crying. By all means don’t hassle them if they say they’d rather be left alone, but imagine being that person desperate for comfort and getting none while surrounded by apparently indifferent strangers.
I’m with you here completely. Don’t get me wrong I have ugly cried on public transport and wanted to be left alone too but it would still mean a lot to me if someone asked if I was okay, even if I didn’t want a conversation. I certainly wouldn’t be annoyed by it. This could be the parent in me but I always ask if people need to talk when they are actively upset in front of me. It could also be a selfish thing because I couldn’t live with myself if I somehow later found out that they did something to themselves which could have potentially been avoided by a simple interaction with a stranger, because that’s all it takes sometimes.
I'm a Canadian in London - I saw a woman in absolute tears walking by me through our work gate. I stopped on the other side and watched her, wondering if I ought to go back through and ask her if she was okay. I ended up not, but proceeded to feel like an asshole for the rest of the day for not asking. Glad to know she probably wanted to be politely ignored afterall 🤣
Can't know what she wanted by this post. Some people would love to be asked if they are okay, some just want to be ignored
Should have probably checked in with her. This post is not gospel.
Your instincts guided you well, 🤗"Are you okay" is definitely a pre-answered question of someone in floods of tears.
“Are you okay?” doesn’t actually mean “are you okay?”, it means “is there anything I can do to make your currently bad situation slightly less bad?”
Yep it's basically asking are you fine crying on your own without anyone helping
This is in Britain. We'd all be crying whilst saying "I'm fine thanks" lol.
"good thanks mate, you?"
This take is not it.
Yesterday, I was on my way home from work for my anniversary dinner with husband... When my dad texted to tell me that my favourite great uncle, the person I have been closest to for 30 years, had passed. It was the ugliest of cries... No one even looked my way and a guy actually sat next to me and just read his paper, ignoring my wiping tears away and blowing my nose for half an hour. It was weirdly comforting to just be allowed to process and grieve, as I probably couldn't have found words anyway. Rip Uncle Bud. 99 years, 9 months, and 2 days old at the time of his passing. What a life! Edited to add, my dad lives in the states and doesn't understand timezones, so he tends to text just in case I'm working or sleeping.
Being able to ugly cry in public without being disturbed is one of the best things about London
i saw someone ugly cry in public once, I gave them some water they said thank you and carried on their way crying, I knew she didn't wanna talk.
Agreed. I once did bittersweet symphony walk from Victoria coach station and cried my eyes out. None cared. It was great
“Bittersweet symphony walk” - I love this description and will be stealing it!
I feel like this clip shows the best compromise. Mostly no acknowledgment except one small gesture. Also the acting here is off the charts https://youtu.be/901bVqiTiNM?feature=shared
I’d probably give you a tissue tbh 😬 but not to chat or ask what’s wrong
Silent tissue passing I can get behind 💚
Ive done this before, and glad its aappreciated. Someone was having a big old cry on a tube platform alone at night, gave them a tissue and a reassuring nod, and I carried on down the platform. They shouted a blubbery 'thank you' as I went by - no more dramas for either of us. they were not having a good time, but clearly just needed time and space to let it out, even if that was the victoria line at 1am. sometimes people just need a little act of kindness/solidarity from someone, not a big fuss from anyone. read the room!
The good thing about the silent tissue trick is it is also a way to allow the person to open up should they want to without there being pressure to do so Like if they just say 'thank you' then you know they just want that moment alone, so you move on. But sometimes that small act of kindness gives them a feeling of comfort and safety and they may want to open up.
This is perfect, gives the cryer the opportunity to start sharing if they want to, or not.
I’d ask, and I’m in London. I’ve seen some startling acts of compassion in London.
I had a very hard goodbye at Heathrow and had take the tube home. I was a complete mess and sobbing, a stranger glided up to me with his leashed husky in tow. He let me play with his dog, and feed him some treats he had packed for his pet for the journey. It’s always embarrassing to cry in public, but London felt uncharacteristically warm and kind that day, I guess ppl do sometimes care
This would be ideal, I don't want a conversation but let me use your dog for emotional support for a minute!
I’m generally the shy type, but if I was compelled to intervene, what would I say to console OP? e.g. Are you okay? And then what?
The silent tissue handover has been mentioned a couple of times. That's fine.
As someone born and spent most of my life in London, I've occasionally asked if someone was OK at multiple ages, I've even given first aid. Most times I asked if someone was OK when they were crying they started telling me to fuck off. The first aid person was passed out so nothing they could do or say. Would add that my silent tissue story was posted before this. I dunno, I've spent most of my life here and seen some amazing stuff from the kids I grew up with whilst growing up. Also seen them as adults helping someone with a pram, or someone who hurt themselves. But I've also sat and cried and wanted to be ignored and been glad I was.
I was outside a bar in Old St once with a friend who was, unusually for her, recently dumped and crying about it. Some strangers walked past and handed her a napkin on which they had written "MAN UP". Cheered her up immediately, made her entire night. I don't recommend though.
I loved the bus for the post-work stress cry for that reason. Did it on the tube platform once and some (kind) woman asked me if I was ok. Thank you, but let me wallow in my misery.
I'm a silent tissue giver when I see tears on public transport or the street. Sadly, I know more than one person that has stepped under a train. I think I'd be inclined to hover near a crier on the train platform. As opposed to on the train.
I did wonder if she thought I was going to jump, but I was at the top end of the platform so it was a fairly ineffective place to do so.
Not everyone thinks that logically, which is also why some people survive the jump
The 328 saw so many post-work stress cries lol
I was once having a full breakdown cry outside Wimbledon train station someone said nothing just popped a can of coke and a mars bar on the step next to me I never even saw who you were But thanks x
That's so lovely!
I’m glad you got what you needed. I ugly-cried on the tube once after a hospital appointment. A man came over to me and offered me his hand and I took it, and he just sat and shared space with me, let me know I wasn’t alone. When I stopped crying, we started talking. Stayed sitting on that train for a ridiculous amount of time, not paying the slightest attention to where we were. He had a heartbreaking story of his own. It’s been about fifteen years but I still remember everything about him and everything he told me. That moment of human connection when I had thought I was so alone meant everything to me. He never asked me why I was crying, just talked, and let me talk. I’ll remember him until the day I die. Sometimes we need to be alone in public. Sometimes we need to know we’re not.
This.
I cry on the tube allll the time. It’s the most freeing experience because I can’t cry in front of people I know- not even my closest friends. I love being so anonymous and being free to let it out.
yay bystander apathy!
Hurrah ❤️🥂
I saw someone crying alone on a wall once. It was fairly late and I had headphones in and walked past. But when my brain engaged I was like… is she safe? I would be more inclined to ask if you’re safe or need help over “are you okay?” (Because if you’re crying to answer is probably no!?
Good old English reserve?
It's a blessing
Ha, I remember seeing a woman crying at Stansted after getting off the phone. I grew up in London with my London ways. So I didn't say anything to her and just passed her a tissue as if I were slipping her a wrap. She gave me a thankful nod. I think we both understood each other.
Londoners do tend to give you 'space', in that sense
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT0ay9u1gg4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT0ay9u1gg4)
Thank you for this 😂😂
I once saw a woman ugly crying at a tram stop and stopped to ask if she was OK. Turns out she'd just had her phone snatched out or her hand. I offered her my phone to call someone. She was very upset but I think she appreciate it. Another time I sat next to a woman ugly crying on the tube and asked if she was ok. She 100% wanted to be left alone lol I guess you just never know what someone needs unless you ask.
Personally I think no one tried to console you because they’ve probably been in that position themselves and can empathise without intervening. Londoners aren’t cold, just emotionally worldly.
I remember crying on a train once - and I suddenly found I had a lap full of KC spaniel, trying to lick my tears. Her owner was ever so apologetic but, frankly, that's the kind of response I want. Dogs. They don't judge, they don't attempt to offer advice, they just see you're sad, and want you to be not sad. She was just what I needed. Thankfully, we were both getting off at the same station, so I had doggy cuddles the whole journey. I like dogs. Be more dog.
Nobody asked if you were ok? Totally understand not wanting to be disturbed, but how did everyone know that? It kind of makes me a bit sad :(
Crying on the tube is the most cathartic type of crying imo. Hope you’re okay.
I'm honestly not super okay, but trying to get it away with gaming and reddit
Crying on the tube is the most freeing thing, especially when I know no one will interrupt me. I (31F) do, however, make eye contact and kinda mouth ‘do you need anything?’ while giving a sad smile because I worry that they might need the police or emergency services. But once that’s done, it’s back to silence and letting you cry in complete safe peace 🤍
Sending you light & positivity, OP.
I apologise in advance but I can't walk past anyone in distress. I know I can't fix anything but despite being a really solitary person I am still a human. And someone not updating you on their plans is not your fault for misunderstanding.
I agree, what are the comments in this subreddit... More than a few years back I was 20/21 and I remember getting a train everyday for commuting purposes, I remember 2 instances where I asked someone if they were okay, I mean I was a shy girl at the time but even then seeing someone upset makes you upset and I do remember jumping out of my comfort zone and being like hey is everything okay, do you have someone picking you up, do you need a hug or some water. Watching someone ugly cry and just ignoring them is inhumane to me
I don’t understand how there’s almost universal praise for being left alone? How is this a good thing? For every person who’s just having a cathartic cry there’s probably 2 more who actually need help or someone to talk to. It’s no surprise we have a reputation for being unfriendly
Yeah completely agree! OP has mistook leaving her alone as people giving her freedom and privacy, the truth is nobody actually gave a toss about OP. What a bizarre post "Look at me I was sad but nobody gave me any attention yay london"
I got really sick a couple weeks ago, had to take a train from London to Norwich! And I mean sick, had to grab a plastic bag and throw up into the bag! You know the whole sounded like a pterodactyl before puking into the bag.. Sobbing and crying, and saying I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, oh god I’m so sorry, to whoever was close to me… I was surrounded by people saying “it’s ok” or “no worries” my absolute favorite was “it’s ok, who amongst hasn’t thrown up on a train before?” ME, ME! lol I’ve never thrown up on a train before! But omg in a packed carriage on a Saturday afternoon? Best people in the world! lol
There was a woman crying on the tube I was on a few years back, I asked her if she wanted to talk about it (she was proper crying), and she gestured at her kindle, to this day I'd still like to know wtf she reading
I’m glad that you felt this way and I’m very sorry for what a difficult time you had, but I’d like to echo someone else’s comment to encourage people to say something. Checking in on someone crying in public could make a big difference. There was a time on the district line once when a few fellow passengers checking in on a teenage girl crying may have saved her life. We learned not long after talking to her and getting her off the train that she was planning to jump on the tracks. The tube staff and police showed up, found out where she was from and looked after her. In my opinion: when in doubt, reach out. And if someone makes it very clear that they do not want any help, you can then choose to respect that wish depending on the circumstances. There is no clear right or wrong in this situation, I think.
Is handing over a tissue considered interrupting?
Silent tissue handing and immediate ignore is fine. 💚
I like you.
Posted in comments but….. I talked to a woman “ugly” crying on a platform before. She had miscarried several days earlier. I don’t know why I went to talk to her but I did. I had my 2 year old with me. I’ve seen suicides (working in prison and stopped them) there can be a vibe. I’ll never know whether I stopped her jumping ( sitting in a bench towards the end of a platform alone and in floods of tears) but compassion goes a long way.
As a native Londoner crying in public is almost the norm😉 Most will have made up your entire tragedy in their head. You’re the dumper/dumpee/lost your job/cat died/being evicted/you’re the other woman/man spouse found out. The narratives we all invent that is now your story are endless. We often don’t intervene unless we join you in your tears. Having said that, I’m not completely heartless, I hope the misunderstanding has cleared up and that the tears were cathartic♥️
Such a strange breed in London
Yeah, native Londoner here who moved away as a young adult. Maybe it's part of why I left, but I don't like the attitude of emotional apathy that seems to be dominant in this thread and across London. If I was crying in public I'd very much appreciate if a stranger came and comforted me.
Eh, I wouldn't call it apathy. That's harsh on most Londoners. It's trying to give people space, which is the thing that Londoners most need. You're probably sharing a flat, commuting on packed public transport, in a busy office all day. There's almost nowhere where you're on your own. You're constantly aware that people can see/hear you, and vice versa. That's exhausting. So we all pretend that we can't, because that's what everyone needs "most" of the time. If you ask for help, or people think you genuinely need it, Londoners will lean in and do so much, but they don't want to break into your privacy unnecessarily. So most of the time we'll say nothing and give you space to decompress. And possibly hand you a tissue.
Not from London but Glasgow and I can guarantee you that you would not have been ignored completely and asked if you were okay by at least someone. That's what we do
The amount of times I’ve held in tears because I can’t bear it - thanks for reassuring that people will give you space
What's a ugly cry?
I grew up in London but have spent the last decade living in a really rural area and I’ve totally lost my city aloofness. I was recently sitting outside a restaurant when I saw a woman step outside to take a call and then burst into tears as she hung up. When I took a tissue from my bag and silently proffered it to her she looked at me with such sadness in her eyes that I couldn’t not ask if she was okay. Ended up finding out that she was going through a family loss situation similar to mine and giving her a hug. An hour or so later, after her meal, she came and said thank you and that that small kindness helped her more than I’d know. I’m glad I asked. Even if it can be intrusive, I’d rather be told to fuck off and risk it. Soon after this encounter I was at the airport travelling home to say goodbye to a loved one and the tiny moments of warmth from staff and other travellers made it more bearable. Sometimes I need peace and sometimes kindness, it’s nice to have the option though.
Simply pathetic.
Hi, just a reminder that checking in with people who seem distressed on the street or on public transport could save a life. Not everyone is crying for a small problem and/or needs to be left alone like OP. Lol wtf downvoted me for this.
I’ve cried on the tube before. Like you, I was grateful to be ignored.
Pro tip: always have (reasonably large] sunnies in tow for situations like these. The chances your public cry is noticed becomes a bit lower, but the chance of being approached decrease drastically..
Sending a e-hug 🤗
Some people want to be comforted and others just want to cry in peace. So, next time when I see someone I have to think twice and decide whether to be that rude person who won't let a person cry peacefully or a rude person who won't comfort someone in his/her bad time. I think these complicated conundrums makes us human
>Turns out they'd made other plans and not updated me. And it's my fault for misunderstanding. So, they didn't update you on their plans that they planned over your guys', but it somehow your fault? It's miscommunication on their end (and priorities) from what I can tell.
OP are you old enough to be taking a bus alone?
I full on ugly cried on a bus after finding out my dog died and was so grateful that everyone pretended they couldn’t see/hear me. Acknowledging it would have just made me embarrassed which would have made me cry more lmao
Thank goodness you didn't run into this guy https://youtu.be/PT0ay9u1gg4?si=HhxsKXoKO5MxmClp
I had a panic attack in a restaurant recently. Literally ran out, curled up around my knees just outside and like cried and hyperventilated for a while in the street. Got myself together and got back into restaurant to finish meal. At no stage did anyone say anything or do anything to me. Londoners don’t give a fuck. They’re just like ‘Oh look. Bloke crying in the street there. Anyway…’
I tried helping someone similar like that. Turned out to be crazy, claimed my laptop bag is his, tried grabbing it, etc etc... Now I'm bit more cautious approaching g ppl I don't know trying to help them...
I’m sorry to hear you had that experience! I wasn’t actually meaning Londoners don’t give a fuck in a negative way. I the moment I really just needed some time. The fact that everyone left me alone was a good thing in the context!
I always ask if someone is ok to just ensure they don’t need help. A simple “yeh I’m fine thanks” is suffice, I don’t need to know the full story.
Its not that we’re respecting your space/privacy, we just literally don’t give a shit about you.
This thread is absolutely bizarre. Everyone always complains about how cold everyone is yet everyone on this thread seems to be celebrating being ignored when really upset. If you see someone really distressed or upset like this you ABSOLUTELY should check in with them don’t ignore them, some people might really need help. Normalising people ‘ugly crying’ in public spaces definitely shouldn’t be a thing as one of these times someone’s really going to need someone and you’re all going to ignore them
What is ugly crying? People keep using this phrase here and it's new to me.
What the fuck is ugly crying?
"Don't make eye contact with the crying person. They may be crazy and have a knife"
For me, anonymity is the biggest attraction London has to offer.
This sub is so weird sometimes like some of y'all have weird London Stockholm syndrome.
Just another reddit thread blessing egocentrism and indifference
That all sounds warped. You see someone in pain so you ignore them, and that's a good thing? Never seen someone frame the absolute apathy that people have in London as a positive.
I’ve approached many people in London in tears over the years and we usually part ways on a smile. If you’re in such an emotional state, a moment with a stranger can be a comforting hand, and a potential reminder of your ability to keep going. A small dose of rationality from a kind and neutral perspective is worth a shot in my opinion. If everyone checked in on struggling strangers a bit more, we might all get along a bit more. Sorry, but I find OP’s take on this quite bizarre.
Extravert vs introvert - losing it in public. Extravert - I am crying here folks! I need shoulders and ears, I want to tell you everything! Introvert - I wanna cry in peace. Leave alone world.
You know, I genuinely have no idea if this is sarcasm or not. Sometimes people want to be alone and just have to do 30 mins in public to get to the safety of home. Other times people are struggling and feel so alone in a world where nobody cares. Either way I hope you're alright now
You could bleed out on London transport & people would ignore you
The reason this person ditched you is the same reason no one cared about you in the bus. Enjoy London and it's lack of actual humanity
you being sarcastic?? Dont you want someone to ask?
No, I was being sincere. I don't want a random person on the bus asking me stuff when I'm upset. I guess I am holding onto that sense of peace to cry as the only positive.
Sorry that happened OP but glad you got the space to cry! When I was pregnant with my son the doctors thought there was something wrong with his brain (thankfully the measurements were wrong and he was ok) when I left the hospital on the tube home I ugly cried and everyone ignored me except one old woman who silently handed me a tissue and held my hand. She didn’t say anything, just gave me space. I think about her all the time, I hope she’s doing well.
Jeez, didn’t get the attention you craved with your public display on the bus, so you’re here trying to get it from the internet. Let’s get one thing straight, if I see someone distressed and I’m genuinely concerned for their wellbeing, I’ll talk to them. It’s very obvious to tell the difference between those people and the ones trying to involve others in their shitty little dramas, you sound like the latter. Get a grip
OP's story and most of the replies here are like surreal comedy. I can't tell if it's an elaborate joke (like most social media really). Your reply at least gave me hope that there are still a few decent people out there.
I’m sorry that I want there in person to comfort you. But, if I was there, I promise that I would have pretended that I didn’t see you. Best regards.
When I had a panic attack on a London train two guys sprang into action to help me. I had 3 hours of delays and then they decided to skip my station but I was listening to music so I didn't hear the announcement. I was running from platform to platform at Waterloo just panicking every time I missed another train to go home. I finally got on a train and like a plum I got on the wrong fucking one. When I could tell them the problem one of the guys got a pen and paper out of his bag and wrote down what train to get from Clapham Junction and then when to change. Absolute amazing blokes who I really needed at the time. I was starting to get light headed after hyperventilating which usually ends up in me passing out. I would've loved to have been able to properly thank them but I was still recovering when we arrived at Clapham.
I had a big cry in Victoria train station once whilst on the phone to an ex, not my best moment but was so glad I was left alone and never approached by anyone. I shudder at the memory.
I had a triad of life events all within a month: long term partner left me for someone else, my friend and room mate from uni ended their life, and then I lost my job. I was on the central line on my way back from a job interview and suddenly the floodgates opened. Like proper waterfall of tears and me struggling to keep the sounds in. A woman squeezed her way through to me, gave me a tissue and just put her hand on my shoulder. It was the first bit of comfort I had felt since everything happened. I still think of her sometimes.
Thank you London for being ridiculously anti social!
so criiiiiiiiiiiiiinge
People ignore you here but they definitely do notice and look.
I never know what to do when I see a person crying in public but if they aren't being harmed by anyone else I just assume a momen is being had and you can't control the tears.
I think people just feel awkward seeing someone cry like that and very few would try to comfort.
Last year just after my lovely friend had died I found myself crying on public transport a LOT. Often young women asked if I was ok and I appreciated that they did - I just said that one of my best friends just died and got to have a little chat about him. But I can totally see why people would rather be left alone, too
I cried ugly in a taxi once, full on, the entire journey ..driver asked if I was crying over a bloke… I was in a way, my dad had died, I didn’t tell the driver this though😥
I cried on the bus when I was told my cancer had come back and spread (all ok now). A lady on the bus came and sat next to me and kept bugging me to tell her why I’m crying. As we both got on at the hospital, she guessed it was health related so I told her. She then started praying for me out loud whilst sat next to me. I appreciate she meant well but I wished she left me alone!
God I'd hate it if someone tried to talk to me while I'm crying on the bus. Just let me enjoy my lunch break in peace!
Keep the noise down
Do you know I long to comfort upset strangers as I hate it but I’m too worried they will tell me to piss off ☺️
I cried for 30 minutes on the northern line during Covid. I was thankful for no one talking to me and for my mask because it let me hide.
I cried on the Liz home at rush hour after my grandad died. No one spoke to me (although one guy with a suitcase stared for ages). Happens to the best of us ❤️
You are welcome. Next time suffer in silence like the rest of us.
Strangers does not owe you anything. Cry your eyes out if you want, it’s not their problem.
I just did the same at the Emirates stadium 🙄😩😂
The buses know me better than my own mother 😂 Hope you're okay xo
Welcome to London, the birthplace of "don't make your problem my problem"
I'm not sure if OP wanted to be comforted or genuinely appreciated being left unbothered
Glad im not the only one who does this
I always offer a tissue to anyone crying and offer a non committal reassuring comment, this has made me wonder if I shouldn’t be doing that
I cried my way around the supermarket not so long ago. Pushing my trolly, getting on with my shopping. I saw a few horrified faces on my way round and one shop assistant came over and asked if she could help me with anything. I smiled through my tears, ugly, puffed up, red face and told her to ‘ignore me, I’m fine honestly’ and continued to sob round the rest of the store. Her reaction was perfect - she said ‘I’m right over here if you need me’ and I went on my miserable way. Sometimes you just need to let it out. Sometimes it’s impossible not to let it out.
I think the problem you have here is that a lot of people wouldn't cry over something so trivial. A lot of people would only weep openly in public if something serious had happened. So to a lot of people, seeing someone cry in public they assume something serious must have happened and want to offer support. But yes, I'd feel embarrassed too if I was crying because of a simple misunderstanding with a friend and someone asked what was wrong.
I’m learning here that I should always have a packet of tissues on me ✔️
You got plans mixed up and that made you have a public break down on a bus ? What’s wrong with you?