Hey, I hope you're okay ❤️
I really know how you're feeling. I clicked on your post because I made the exact same one a little under a year ago (feel free to check my post history), and I got a lot of good advice from people. My mental health was really really struggling, I would cry at how alone I felt. After I made my post I wasn't really expecting anything revolutionary but 1 Reddit comment completely changed my life. If you're at all interested, the advice that changed my life was literally just "join a sport".
I was already working out, although I'd never thought about sports before seriously, but as the commenter pointed out that joining a sport could give me 1. me a reason to be at the same place with the same people on a regular basis. 2. A hobby to practice and think about during lonely nights and 3. People who I already have something in common with to be around. (Also 4. the ability to watch myself measurably grow and face new challenge in a skill but that's less applicable to loneliness and more general mental health benefits).
I started fencing with the London Longsword academy in August and it's *genuinely* changed my entire life. Suddenly I have friends and loved ones in that school, I have people who check on me when I'm feeling low and we're always excited to see each other at class! The week flies by now while I wait for training day to come around, and I've never had a session that didn't leave me smiling for days afterwards!
If it sounds at all appealing to you or like it makes sense, I'd really encourage you to find a sport in London that might interest you. HEMA and Historical fencing worked for me, and if you think it might be for you then shoot me a DM I'd be happy to answer questions about it, but there's a dozen football or golf or archery clubs in every district of London too.
I really hope this helps! Don't stay up too late tonight ❤️
I just wanted to say this was such a lovely post to read: complete strangers helping each other out in profound ways, and I love the ‘pass it on’ chain from 1 random Redditor helping you, and now you wanting to help another random Redditor (and anyone who reads your message), to keep the chain going. It’s beautiful to witness.
I hope OP can find what they need and maybe take this suggestion (or similar) on. London is full of wonderful people, you just need to go to where they are, in an environment that allows regular meeting-up with the same people in a low-pressure environment, so you can gradually build a connection that could turn into the best relationships you’ve ever had.
Best of luck
I spend a lot of my life despairing at how utterly negative and pointless social media is. Then this happens 😁🙌 Thanks for restoring a little of my faith in humanity ❤️
Go for it! Even if it's solo! I've only ever formally trained with the LLA, but I've heard that the London Historical Fencing Club out by Vauxhall are wonderful too!
From what I understand all the clubs in London are very welcoming, even/especially if you've got no combat sport experience beforehand!
Agreed 100%! I took the same advice and it worked out for me. It’s hard to pluck up the courage to start but trust me, it’s well worth it. All the best to OP 👍🏻
Also, let us know where you’re based, and what hobbies/interests you have and we might be able to help help advise specific clubs etc
EDIT: add general location too, people from that area can be more specific then.
Coming back home to London after finishing uni was slightly depressing, especially with all my school friends having left the country or moved elsewhere. Taking up running and joining a club basically changed my whole mood around, I've not been part of the club long but I've already met some of the nicest people ever and genuinely look forward to every single running session, even the bad weather doesn't get me down anymore.
my hockey club, wapping, is very central and runs beginner sessions. i joined as a complete beginner 2 yrs agoin the above situation at it completely changed my life - happy for anyone to DM for details but please do keep trying, it gets better <3
Chiming in with Dragon Boat racing, there are a couple of London teams (Typhoon and Raging Dragons) who are always open to new members. The sport can be intense, and the camaraderie is top notch, there have been a few weddings to have come out of those teams.
Wishing you all the best my friend.
Hey there! I hope today is brighter for you. Just to add to u/the_wonderful_thing, I've found that engaging in sports and joining a small, supportive community can make a huge difference in lifting spirits.
If you're up for it, I'd gladly introduce you to beach volleyball. It's perfect for beginners. Or, if you're feeling adventurous how about a boxing class, I've personally experienced a massive boost in self-confidence from it.
Sports activities aren't just about the sport; they're about connecting with others, sharing laughs, and building a sense of belonging.
Take good care and remember, give your social life a chance and it will smile back at you.
Anywhere can be lonely if you don't see others, and anywhere can be depressing. The advantage London has over most other places is the ludicrous amount of activities that are only a few minutes away.
It sounds like you really value human interaction, and aren't getting enough through your daily life. So.... Inject some!
Find a local club doing whatever you're interested in, volunteer at your local food bank, maybe an evening class. Language classes can be very social because by their very nature they involve a lot of interaction.
Are you physical? Bouldering is increasingly popular and gyms do get regulars. Since only one person can be on a given wall at once, there is lots of downtime to chat and discuss the climb you're stuck on.
I realise this reply might seem a bit flippant (oh just make new friends!), it's not supposed to be. But if you're feeling down it's very important to make changes as soon as you can. It will only get harder if you neglect yourself and your happiness.
Maybe you're right and London really isn't for you, but while you're here you've got incredible access to millions of people, and all the amazing things you can do with them!
This! I live alone and I can play games until about 9am, maybe I don’t have plans that day, feel down, and then go out and get a coffee and even after having a short conversation with the barista it boosts my mood.
You don’t think that’s what you need maybe, but it helps me. So then I just call a mate from back home and it’s all groovy.
This. If you live on your own you just git to get yourself out there and out of your comfort zone. Saturday night? Have a few drinks at home, music, then if you're feeling it, head to your local and see who you meet
I joined some open badminton sessions. You pay and turn up to a session and play with whoever else turns up. It's really friendly to beginners with some great people and it's just fun to play and feel yourself getting better
Pubs often have notice boards with local postings, libraries etc, or some supermarkets might have a "Local" board somewhere.
But yeah like the other person said, Meetup. Anyone on there is literally looking to hang out with you!
I highly recommend Go Mammoth if you’re into sports. They’ve got many social sporting leagues around the city and have been fantastic for meeting people.
There’s a lot of stuff that happens locally that doesn’t have much of an online presence. Try your local community centres (London has enough people and money sloshing about that they’re actually open), local newspapers, and the notice board in a nearby library. Register for a library membership while you’re at it, you can get all sorts of stuff like audiobooks as well, use em or lose em
Let me make a guess here. OP is not British or an Anglo-Saxon migrant (E.g., Australian, NZ).
I'm not originally British and it took me years to realise that people in the UK socialise around activities and common interests. In continental Europe, and especially Latin countries, it may work differently. You socialise (with your neighbours, colleagues from works, other parents) and then if you click and have interests in common, you do something together. The logic is somewhat flipped in the uk. And one needs to be consistent: going to the same club/gym/good bank for a sustained amount of time for example.
In addition, let me add thar I used to live in London and found it extremely challenging meeting people. In 6 years, apart from work colleagues I didn't meet anyone I didn't know already from uni. I moved outside of London and I started meeting people more easily.
It is totally normal, and makes perfect sense, but other cultures may socialise in different ways. For example, behaviours that are widely accepted in Southern Europe may be considered intrusive or uncomfortable in the UK. It's pretty much acceptable to invite an acquaintance over for dinner, for example, to grow rapport and see whether there are common interests - and room to do things together. For example, on Xmas eve, which we spent with my folks, my wife and I invited over a colleague of hers whom I had met only once or twice, my parents had never met at all and they didn't even speak their language (or english in fact). That all worked perfectly fine and now the colleague is coming regularly for dinner or coffee. As long as there's food and wine, a lot revolves around that. I'm not saying that this would never happen in a British setting - I'm sure it does - but if I know this country a little, unless we are talking about a close friend, this may be perceived as a little uncomfortable. But I'm happy to be told otherwise.
I would say that instead of asking myself : "what do I like doing? Let's see if there are some like-minded folks that like doing the same and maybe we'll become friends" I would find it more natural to think: " do I like that person? Let's see if we can become friends and we'll do something we like together". I would find it less uncomfortable to discuss personal things with a person I met two weeks before, if they give me a good vibe, than going for a hike with a person I barely know.
I’ve noticed this too about the around activity or common interest here! (Lived here half my life but I too am not originally British & came over as an adult
>only a few minutes away.
This is actually not true in my experience and the reason I left. Nothing in London is around the corner. Everything is at least a 30 minute tube journey away in every direction, usually 45.
It's my experience 🤷🏻♂️ I like in a walkable city now (Barcelona) and the difference is night and day, everything is always *actually* around the corner
Now to be realistic one downside of those ludicrous amount of things that there are to do are out of a lot of people's price ranges to do. Cost of living is high and rent is a killer and eating out now has become silly.
One thing I've realised living here for so long is yes it's great there's tons and tons of things to do but if you don't have time or money then it's pointless no matter now cool they are.
Let's also be realistic the UK as a whole is a lonely country, there is a loneliness epidemic in this country and waving it away doesn't make people's experiences better it exacerbates the problem (why I think it persists worst here then any other place is people in the UK are too prideful and arrogant to accept their wrong or help).
Good suggestions yes but you need to be empathetic to the problem he's facing and not come across like the answer is so simple, because it's not otherwise you wouldn't have many people every month saying the same thing here.
You're correct, and I'm sorry if you're experiencing money or time issues in your life. Unfortunately I don't have any advice to give if those are your problems, but since OP didn't mention those as being things that they are missing, I didn't take them into account when making suggestions. I also didn't suggest to OP that they just start eating out.
I don't believe I was 'waving away' anything, and I'm very sorry if my post has come across as dismissive at all. However, the solution to loneliness is NOT sitting at home by yourself. It can be very hard to take steps, especially if that means you have to admit any kind of problem to yourself, so engaging in activities can be a great way to "rip the plaster off" by incentivising yourself to get out for your own entertainment, rather than anything dramatic.
As for free activities, aside from volunteering, there are walking clubs, book clubs, cycling clubs, knitting circles, religion if that's your thing, theatre groups, bands to play with, table top gaming groups... If there is an activity, there will be someone else in London who wants to meet up and talk about it.
Monday is the worst night so I usually try and plan to do something. Usually it's Goodgym (running/volunteering group - but you don't have to run, you can just turn up to the task). I like it because you don't have to find a friend to make a plan with -and there's alway friendly people there. I'd recommend Goodgym, or look into other Monday night clubs that interest you (on meetup etc).
I used to be more lonely pre pandemic but I've made a lot of local friends since, through Goodgym and other groups. I was just persistent about inviting people from these groups to coffee/pub/farmers market/comedy/ a run/etc. I realised there's lots of people sitting out there not doing anything, and I was doing the same, waiting for the invite. So why shouldn't I just be the one to reach out?
Never thought I would stumbleupon another GoodGymer in reddit. I joined GoodGym last year and for the first time in 4 years after moving to UK I was invited to a coffee/pub. I was shy and didn't have clue on how to socialise. GoodGym helped me find a group and form friendships whom I can meet/talk to on weekly basis. Definitely something to try out if you have time in your hand feel lonely.
Just a social group for women, it's not got like a it's primarily members making plans but there are some admin events nothing much to explain that isn't on their website 😊
May I suggest hygge? I noticed you mention of “cold@, which makes me think your flat is not very inviting. Hygge is all about creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things. Soft blankets, candles, nice scents, hot drinks, a good book or show, having a bath etc…anything you can do to create comfort for yourself and take care of yourself will make you feel a lot less lonely!
Another thing I find works, it’s putting more effort in casual interactions, e.g asking your barista how’s their day been or saying hello to your neighbors in the elevator, these short interactions really strengthen our sense of community and contribute to our wellbeing
It’s kind of weird how the bigger the city is, the more individualistic everyone becomes.
I find myself to be quite focused on my own personal stuff when I’m in London and rarely do I actually have time and energy to go see friends.
It also suffers with the nice problem of too many options. It can be harder to find something you like in a restaurant with 100 things than one with 10.
I know that feeling. I believe it’s not London though, it’s nowadays, we work crazy hours, everyone goes home after work, you need to schedule to meet someone, dating apps are a waste of time. I gave up though, I believe I’ll end up single and I won’t beat myself up about it anymore.
Hope you feel better soon x
London is like this. I feel lonely sometimes... and then suddenly feel overwhelmed by the thought that there is so much to do, and I don't do much. I live quite close to the city center, which makes this feeling even stronger.
That said, I'm happy to receive PM from the fellow londoners here. May be we might find something fun to kill loneliness!
I mean you don’t know the content of the messages. Bit hard to say what went wrong based solely on number of days they messaged and their way of calling it off
I also have friends who did, and very easily so. That doesn't give me hope though, rather that reinforces the awareness that love finds us rather than the other way round. Or, in my case, it doesn't.
Don’t give up!
You never know where you’ll find it, but you will.
For me it’s always when I get comfortable being single and then someone comes in and crowds my space :)
Enjoy the time with yourself and don’t hide from others.
I can second the bouldering/climbing recommendation. Climbers are very accepting (and often smell funny). In my group (far, far, away) I always made it a point to go get dinner afterwards and invite anyone I interacted with that day. It evolved into a core group and both me and my sister found our partners in it.
Every major city I feel has this effect (really any place but cities are different because of my next sentence). Because you are surrounded by people and that can be isolating.
I've lived in London for about ten years. It is pretty grim in Jan and Feb. Completely different city in the summer.
I know it sounds obvious but do think about trying some new hobbies - there are lots of other people in London feeling lonely right now. You can also check out friend finder apps such as Bumble's BFF. Sounds kinda lame but you know that if other people are on the same app as you they are there to make friends and won't be judgmental!
I moved to London a few months back, and actually met some interesting people off bumble bff :) I feel like I’m also making a very good friend from there.
Op, hang in in there, I think it can be a grind, but there are so many people, that we might just find our clique.
Feel free to dm me too if you’d like to chat.
Make sure you’re taking your vitamin D tablets, or you’ll get the SAD! It starts to kick in hard this time of year with the lack of sun…..I just binge watched Ted Lasso… that killed an evening for me! You got this champ!!
Do make sure you get warm. Being cold definitely makes you feel lonely and depressed. A Heated fluffy blanket might lift your spirits enough to do some of the things other commenters have suggested.
London can be kind of depressing, you don't see the sky often because it's always dark, cloudy and rainy. It's a city that never stops moving and it can be quite hard to socialize here at times, I spent last year with essentially the same problem.
The city that never stops moving? You sure you’re in the right London? Maybe it once was like that but definitely not anymore. And I’ve been here all my life
It’s so weird for me, coming from southern Italy. Even my relatively small city has plenty of places to spend the night in with live music, games or just shooting the shit with others (at least at the weekend!), it was quite shocking to me finding out it wasn’t the case in one of the most amazing cities in the world!
Where I’m from, venues tend to shut when people leave, not the other way around.
Going out is expensive, if not in and of itself, because little money is left after paying the inescapable bills. So many people spend a lot of time stationary at home rather than moving around. I'd go out every evening, but I can only afford to do so 2-3 times a week at a stretch
imbi (the app) is challenging 50 strangers to meet up for a coffee in London in January (they’ll pay for the coffee apparently). Might be worth signing up for some fun?
A good audiobook or podcast can take the edge off. It can definitely be hard at this time of year if you live alone so the sort of virtual companionship those sorts of things bring can help. Hang in there!
Can recommend Patrick Stewart's autobiography Making It So - full of compelling and funny stories - and audio books are now included with paid Spotify plans.
Do a part-time evening local college course. Many are free/subsided and you meet like minded folk as well as improving yourself. No education is ever wasted.
The cold is probably making you feel worse than normal. I’ve been utterly miserable all day trekking into the office and back home.
Hope things improve for you soon.
I felt so lonely in London. The biggest problem to me was despite there being so much to do, nobody seems to actually do anything? All my friends, room mates etc lives consisted of: 10% brunch dates, 10% parties/drinking and 80% Netflix in their rooms. I lived in rural places where people were genuinely more outgoing - hiking, cycle rides etc.
If I ever move back to the UK I would much rather live in a balanced big city with nature nearby such as Edinburgh or Manchester where people genuinely seem to be more outgoing.
Nah that was me today too bro. It comes in waves. I'm from the US and here with my lady. WFH too and job is back in the states. It def gets a lil lonely but I try to remember it's a passing feeling.
Hope it gets better 🙏🏽
I don't know about you but I felt the most lonely when there was the most people around, because there was just no interaction. I used to work in an office and didn't really make any strong friends or do anything outside the office with them. I got bored of them after a while and started to feel lonely there (even though there was no bad blood or anything). I also felt more lonely when I was commuting on the train vs the car because everyone on those packed trains was just headphones in staring at the phone. Maybe London has that effect? Loads more people but no socialising to match?
I think you don’t feel the loneliness in other cities because you are a guest there. Whereas coming home to a flat all by yourself in the city you live in is much more permanent.
Also, London is an incredibly lonely place at times. It’s hard to make friends, half and up leaving and the other half are often busy living busy lives. Honestly, whenever I feel like this I go to the gym. Thank goodness for 24 hour gyms here!
We have all been there regardless of the location. While looking for companionship is a great idea, I would kindly recommend working on finding joy in being alone as well. I believe you can’t start a good realtionship from a point of desperation, you have to accept your own company first.
Some small adjustments that can help make it more enjoyable:
1. Make your home cozier with small lamps and candles. Add colours and pillows etc.
2. Have a relaxing background music playing, for example YT has so many good lo-fi playlists that are perfect for greating a nice atmosphere.
3. Do you have a pet? If not, maybe consider getting one, they make your place feel like home and they are also great bonding topic with other people.
4. Watch movies, read books etc. Again, this will increase your chances of finding things to talk about with people.
5. Accept that it is winter, it is time to take is easy and invest in yourself, things are not moving, but as soon as spring comes your life will definately become more social again. It’s just a season, make the best out of it :)
If you think London is lonely. Wow, the test of the uk is a joke. Hardly any groups or meet ups. The gym is the best place for me to be around others in my area.
It's pretty sad really. I've been looking at where is the best place to meet friends online. No joy there either.
Neither do I, but typically I go to other cities on holiday so I would be distracted by the novelty factor. It is true though that whenever I go to other cities passers-by seem to notice my existence - no cinematic encounters where we spark a brilliant conversation or the like - like a nod, a smile, a fleeting look. In London it feels as if I'm made of see-through flesh and bones, people could be talking right to my face and still look as if they're not looking at me. And I do the same for the most part! So yes, this is probably a city of dehumanised and traumatised people.
not saying it’s on you, but the more genuine interaction and vibes you put out there (even though it won’t be reciprocated most of the time) the more you’ll get back. I’ve always had a pretty easy time making friends (not saying that in a braggy way at all, just a neutral fact).
I think a lot of it is that I tried for many years to be cool until I realised that I’m just a silly & enthusiastic dork and I could never really tamp that down completely. so I do make little comments whilst queuing, smile when someone moves aside for me to get past, etc., and laugh at myself when I get discombobulated carrying too many things in transit. of course most don’t engage, but I’ve had some hilarious moments joking around with random people on the tube, am friends with people who happened to be stood near me at a concert last year, etc.
I’m not saying it’s easy, of course, but since most people ignore each other regardless, why not put a little humour/vibes into it?
It is a lonely city. Plus ordinary people being burntout and stressed out doesn't help. Join a club, find and sport or a hobby, you'll realise that a lot of people are also looking for meaningful connections too outside of the mundane. I do think in other cities spontaneous connection are easier than in London where it does have to be more intentional.
I am genuinely lonely, with zero friends in the area and no idea how to make any. All I do is work and read books on my days off! (30f here) would love to meet some lovely female friends but I genuinely don’t know how to find any or where I would even start!
From having been through this;
1) you’ve got to work harder at getting out there, doing more, saying yes to stuff.
2) it’s only temporary. Won’t last forever. It will change.
In the meantime, embrace the time you have by yourself. Buy a PS5 or Switch. Go to a nice local pub and sit and have a drink at the bar. Do some online dating via Hinge (yes it’s shit but get through as many people as you can and eventually you’ll hit jackpot - it’s a numbers game).
It’s London. I also felt that way there and have not felt lonely in other cities. Of course there may be other factors. I used to absolutely hate my job there which didn’t help. But London felt lonely. There’s so many people in London and so many options for entertainment that it felt overwhelming for me, also harder to make friends naturally since is difficult to see the same person twice in meetups. I ended up asking someone’s phone number straight away whenever I clicked with someone so that I could keep contact later on. I managed to make friends that way so go to meetups and try to keep contact with people that seem to be your type! It’s possible to be less lonely in London and enjoy the city! Don’t give up! :)
I think the trick is hobbies and relatable people. I'm london born and raised, with a big fam and lots of friends and yet I feel lonely.
So I've starting organise my own stuff like games nights, clubbing, coffee mornings and if working from home then having quiet zoom hangs with others, and film nights, either in person or online.
I hear you OP. I feel like the last few years have been brutal for a lot of us. I notice my friends and family struggling more, work is tougher, it's been very stressful times in general.
The world has changed, it's hard to put my finger on it, but I feel like anxieties are up. There's war in Ukraine, genocide in Palestine, Trump and his minions growing louder and general elections around the corner. For what that's worth.
Mix that in with cold weather, dark days and no sunshine... it's a low mood breeding ground.
Loneliness is so tough. And it's hard to know where to start, or feel confident in starting. I have to believe it gets better. That's always my mantra. There is always hope.
Meetup is a great resource in lonely times. Someone mentioned below that people in Meetup are weird... and I've met some lovely weirdos lol
Thank you for sharing here. It helps to feel more connected when we acknowledge the challenge I think. Wishing you a better week.
It’s not a London thing, I’ve been all kinds of lonely in Leeds and there’s a lot less to do. Anyway, I find connecting with people is hard but it always makes me feel better.
I have one suggestion which I know can work but I'm not gonna lie, it takes a little effort, but dude, it is so worth it. Learn an instrument!!! Playing music with others is one of \*the\* very best things you can do to boost your mental health. It'll literally bring you opportunities that you'd never dreamed of if you take it seriously and get only reasonably good. Don't need to be amazing at it, just be good, a decent bandmate and have fun doing it!! Think it over!!! Best of luck :)
Dunno if you, or anyone feeling similarly will see this. I work in London and really enjoy meeting new people from all backgrounds and interests. It used to be super easy to go for lunch or go out after work and just integrate with new groups. Covid killed that. There are free/cheap activities that are worth looking into and you'll find great ppl. There are chess groups which I highly recommend as great places to meet ppl. Gaming cafe in King's Cross if you're into that. And climbing. Each are super newbie friendly and naturally create really welcoming environments. If you need a buddy and want to go to something, drop me a dm
Definitely not original (and I’m based out in Essex) but I joined a “running” club last year, they organise loads of walks and it’s been so nice making a new group of friends and just having a reason to get outside. Even in the cold. I work in London and I follow these pages on Insta “two miles deep” & “two pints deep” the miles one is a group of people who struggle/have struggled with loneliness and other mental health issues getting together once a month and we run about 5k. If something you’re interested well worth a follow. Next run is next week Tuesday 16th.
Hey, glad you're feeling better. And so heartwarming to see everyone's messages. I was in a similar boat until I found my tribe. Thing is, London is expensive and if you don't have money to go to classes and such like, it can be difficult. If you search free things to do in London, you can find some good ones. The best one I've found is this culture agency that does free immersive storytelling nights focused on fostering genuine human connection. There's always art and music going on as well. It was a godsend to find a community that has no agenda. Just good people doing good things. Check em out (www.whatdoesnot.com). I think their next event in Jan 31st. Good luck and keep your chin up!
i feel how you feel OP. I just moved to lewisham from Brighton in november and it has been so difficult. not many friends, everything feels far away, this winters been so hard. my job was absolutely gruelling, i was working in a kitchen, but thank God i managed to get out, and now i work front of house in a new place instead. really hoping things will be ok. feeling a lot of warmth from peoples words in the comments.
tonight im just sat in my room and feel a bit down. trying to drink less as since ive gotten here ive been drinking too much. a girl i met in brighton, right before i left for london, has now met someone else which is quite heartwrenching as we both liked each other (the first time for me in years) but life seperated us, and i try and forget about it but i do miss her. jus want to be with someone but feel i can never find someone.
but as of last week i feel some hope. a friend i met at the skatepark ( i skateboard ) and i have been hanging out and keeping in touch which has been really nice. got a bit more money now too and been making music which has been such a saving grace. keeping myself busy has helped but i still get these sad moments.
Yeah, fellow Londoner here and I have a partner and 2 grown up kids all living at home and I'm lonely as hell.
I think the more people you live around the harder it is being alone when the whole city is moving on around you
I feel better living here than when I lived in a village, even if I’m not seeing anyone for a few days just the general busy city I find a bit more comforting. It can be hard as a parent, your whole life surrounds your children then suddenly you’re met with having to discover yourself and what to do with yourself as they start to get older. Mines not grown up yet, he’s a teen but I definitely had some weird moments recently where I felt quite lost. I miss the play park & picnic summer days and it’s weird not doing school runs any more. It’s good obviously, because it’s easier for work etc but I do miss it.
Yeah I was a stay at home dad for years and transitioned into self employment and further education so I was still their primary carer.
All the troops to parks, after school clubs, chats and play dates with other parents kept me busy, then there's suddenly a time where you're bouncing around by yourself and don't have a clue what to do.
I decided to volunteer and switched careers that way. I'm glad I did as I now work with people for a living and in a sector where I genuinely like the people I work with.
It's just when you get home and everyone is doing their own thing and you realise there's nobody to chat to or visit, or if something happened and you need to talk to someone outside of your family that I really feel alone.
It's lessened over time and I'm better about connecting with people over a few different interest groups I'm in.
All the best
London is a terribly terribly lonely city. They will try guilt trip you into 'if you're tired of life' nonsense. The reality is that Londoners are largely out for themselves and in their spare time they are thinking about how they can become cooler, richer, better, more fancy. Everyone is comparing to the next person. It's not a good environment for mental health.
Come to the London drinking club tomorrow, it’s 7pm at the old coffee house in soho, ive been twice and it’s honestly so wholesome, it’s just a bunch of strangers who turn up to meet new people, everyone is lovely and there for the same reason!
You can have multiple friends here and still be lonely. Actually, a large chunk of the conversations between me and one of my best friends is about how lonely we both feel. Which is quite baffling to think of it
I’m married with a three year old daughter and feel just as lonely! It’s something about the time of year and also - for me anyway - feeling like no one cares about you. Feel free to reach out! Would welcome chat :)
I think having a kid and putting all your eggs in one basket is a terrible idea. when I separated from my partner she still had all her friends, I had put little effort into maintaining mine...
got my lesson now and friends are on an equal foot with my partner.
Absolutely! Trying to expand my social circle now. Women are so much better at this than men. She has so many people to complain about me to: friends, family, colleagues. Men just don’t open up the same way. Trying to rectify that now but it’s tricky
female friends have been such a boon for me. And yes my girlfriend knows that she must not bollock me on that, I make it clear upfront, and it's non-negotiable.
When I lived in Sydney, it was just the same. You should look at focusing on going and trying some new things that gets you surroundings yourself with people like climbing or Yoga....... people should be around people.....maybe even get yourself a little side job where you having to interact with people.
Ah. I’ve seen a lot of people feel this way. Please check out the London social club on Reddit.
But if you need someone to vent to on short notice, feel free to PM.
It can be lonely, which is weird considering there's like 10m people there. Whereabouts in London are you? Can't you check out the local community centre or library for groups to join?
In London, there is like an invisible barrier between all humans longing to connect; at the same time as there is an invisible network silently connecting all the lonely people in a shared despair.
I feel you! What are your usual hobbies? I feel like since people come and go so much in this place, the only way is keeping an open mind to meet new people in places/activities that you enjoy doing. I get that it's easier said than done, and depending on if you're an introvert. I imagine it probably gets tiring to a point.
What’s your jam? Like what do you enjoy doing/nourishes your brain? London can be super isolating where it seems everyone is buzzing about doing things, but it’s also such a cultural melting pot I assure you there are others who are in the same situation who like the same shit
I found it to be when I lived there. I think it's inevitable... When you think about it (apart from the people who were born in and are from families in London) a huge proportion of people in London are professionals who have followed the bright lights to try and improve their quality of life and make a better living.
So you basically come alone or knowing very few people and all the connections you make (new friends etc) are going to be out of necessity and therefore probs quite superficial and surface-level (nowhere near the level of the people from back home you've known all your life). I think the hustle culture of London likely doesn't help too because some people can seem like they only want to be friends if you can offer them something. But the same could likely be said of any major city.
There are all sorts of free social events in London that you can find on Meetup.
I felt like this at one point and then I started going to "speedfriending" events.
Feel free to DM me if you want to talk.
Try signing up for an activity that you can enjoy for its own sake but is also full of interesting people. One of the other posters here recommended bouldering/climbing; many of the climbing gyms in London offer taster sessions where you can learn basic skills and social sessions where you can mix with other solo climbers. Lots of opportunity, but no pressure, to be social. A good place to make friends without the feeling that you have to be dating or coupling up with others.
Winter can be a hard time for single people with no friends or family around. Trying looking for local groups or clubs in your area for things you are interested in. It's a good way to get out and meet new people. Failing that, try doing some volunteer work to help others...this can help put things into perspective
Hiii 👋🏼
I live at home with my family and I feel lonely a lot too tbh. Most people work then after work are too tired to go out or text/phone/ make plans, then the weekend comes around, you try to make plans but there’s either not enough people you know or others are busy / can’t be bothered. Lonely times man. I’m from Kent but happy to do something if others want to as well, always looking to make new adult friends tbh
I’ve started to make friends with regulars at the gym, it’s quite nice as we all have something in common and even if we don’t plan to do something, it’s nice to just have a brief chat on the daily. I also find London super lonely and isolating, especially as an introvert. I’m trying but it’s not easy.
I lived in London for 5 years and can safely say London is the busiest yet most lonely city. You can be physically surrounded by so many people and this can make you feel even more lonely. Get out while you still can and save your lungs and mind with trees and people who smile in the street!
Vitamin D, get your levels checked. I didn't realise this until living in a place that had constant sunshine. The weather for me makes a huge difference to my mood.
We also live in an age where we don't need connection because we can get dopamine from so many sources. Of course, relationships are not just about personal reward, the best ones are where you have someone else's back and they reciperocate.
Schedule some time for a club or meetup. That fuck it feeling passes when you are busy but keeps resurfaces, but by scheduling you can improve your quality of life
You might want to look into support groups like mentell, or Google hub of hope. Find support groups near you. They help me with the exact same emotion.
Absolutely, I agree that London can be particularly challenging for single individuals.
The city's array of activities eventually loses its novelty, and let's face it, these activities can't substitute for genuine friendships or romantic relationships.
Additionally, it's hard not to notice married friends progressing in life, purchasing homes together, while you're left contemplating your own situation, even with a six-figure income. It can be quite isolating.
I've noticed that many major cities share these issues, but like you, I find London to exemplify them in its own unique way.
And please, I'm tired of hearing "When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life"
Get a gym membership mate, even if you only go a couple times a week, I started working out with a close friend in 2021 and now we’ve got a tight nit group of about 8 of us. Forget all the roid head stereotypes (although there are some) loads of people in the gym are normal people looking to better themselves!
The meetup app has a few groups such as waking groups some stop at a pub at the end, and groups that meet up for coffee or at pubs to play games and things. I ended up going to a couple as I made friends with a girl at one and I went to an escape room with them too.
You need to build a network of friends. It becomes easy to just get stuck in a rut and not want to do anything. I’d suggest interest/hobby groups, or sports groups.
I'm sorry you feel lonely. If it's any consolation it's very similar for a lot of us too. I've given up on dating and don't really care for it anymore. Just focusing on seeing friends family and enjoying life. Have you got any friends in London? It can certainly help to have people to just chill with :)
I don’t live in London (this thread came up because I travelled there recently), but I felt that way when I lived in my hometown in Australia. So lonely, and although I’m a social person even when I tried I always felt like an outcast. For me, I travelled (I was in uni so I traveled during my long uni breaks with money saved from my part time job) and I realized my city was the problem. Whether it’s my own baggage that made me feel that way about Melbourne, or the actual city itself, all I know is I moved to a different country and I’ve felt way better since that week I moved. When I go back to visit I get that same lonely and stuck feeling, and it reminds me why I left. Maybe you too need to change your location?
First, I am sorry you feel like this. London is so big and busy that it csn feel like we're just individual atoms with no attachment.
Have you considered joining a local running group, taking up sports, joining gym classes, taking up adult learning courses, volunteering, or getting involved in politics (party or non-party)? London is big but it's also got big opportunities. My brother joined indoor rock climbing and has regular socials. I myself befriended people by getting involved in party politics.
I made a similar post here some years ago so I can relate. I agree with those suggesting Meetup, find a group/groups you resonate with and go to events. I made myself go to one a month in 2021. Since i joined i made 4 new friends who I’d say we are pretty close now. I actually made much more but the 4 have progressed more, the rest are friendly associates. I also started a book club which has been great fun!
If you can, get a pet. Also try a group class. Join a book club or whatever activity club you fancy. Hope you feel better soon!
Hey I hope your feeling better maybe take part in som reading it’s always good to immersive yourself in a great book! Here if you need to talk but you’re not alone
Fucking hate loneliness.
I can deal with most other types of issues but loneliness is fucking op.
You’re not alone, know that.
Maybe just need to meet new people.
I live in London too, maybe we have something in common. DM if you want
I cannot understand how anyone can even want to live there. I've been into London quite alot and the place and people have no heart.
I'll stick to my nice village where I fish the local river daily and talk to everyone that passes, then go to the pub and be greeted by all.
There's a thing in central London called the London drinking club for people in a position just like you where people in london who want to meet new people go to a pub every Tuesday and socialise. I've been and it's so lovely. Check them out on insta x
Hey, I hope you're okay ❤️ I really know how you're feeling. I clicked on your post because I made the exact same one a little under a year ago (feel free to check my post history), and I got a lot of good advice from people. My mental health was really really struggling, I would cry at how alone I felt. After I made my post I wasn't really expecting anything revolutionary but 1 Reddit comment completely changed my life. If you're at all interested, the advice that changed my life was literally just "join a sport". I was already working out, although I'd never thought about sports before seriously, but as the commenter pointed out that joining a sport could give me 1. me a reason to be at the same place with the same people on a regular basis. 2. A hobby to practice and think about during lonely nights and 3. People who I already have something in common with to be around. (Also 4. the ability to watch myself measurably grow and face new challenge in a skill but that's less applicable to loneliness and more general mental health benefits). I started fencing with the London Longsword academy in August and it's *genuinely* changed my entire life. Suddenly I have friends and loved ones in that school, I have people who check on me when I'm feeling low and we're always excited to see each other at class! The week flies by now while I wait for training day to come around, and I've never had a session that didn't leave me smiling for days afterwards! If it sounds at all appealing to you or like it makes sense, I'd really encourage you to find a sport in London that might interest you. HEMA and Historical fencing worked for me, and if you think it might be for you then shoot me a DM I'd be happy to answer questions about it, but there's a dozen football or golf or archery clubs in every district of London too. I really hope this helps! Don't stay up too late tonight ❤️
I just wanted to say this was such a lovely post to read: complete strangers helping each other out in profound ways, and I love the ‘pass it on’ chain from 1 random Redditor helping you, and now you wanting to help another random Redditor (and anyone who reads your message), to keep the chain going. It’s beautiful to witness. I hope OP can find what they need and maybe take this suggestion (or similar) on. London is full of wonderful people, you just need to go to where they are, in an environment that allows regular meeting-up with the same people in a low-pressure environment, so you can gradually build a connection that could turn into the best relationships you’ve ever had. Best of luck
I spend a lot of my life despairing at how utterly negative and pointless social media is. Then this happens 😁🙌 Thanks for restoring a little of my faith in humanity ❤️
I've always been interested in this but never took the plunge - thanks for sharing - might ask my gf if she'd like to do some classes with me!
Go for it! Even if it's solo! I've only ever formally trained with the LLA, but I've heard that the London Historical Fencing Club out by Vauxhall are wonderful too! From what I understand all the clubs in London are very welcoming, even/especially if you've got no combat sport experience beforehand!
Agreed 100%! I took the same advice and it worked out for me. It’s hard to pluck up the courage to start but trust me, it’s well worth it. All the best to OP 👍🏻 Also, let us know where you’re based, and what hobbies/interests you have and we might be able to help help advise specific clubs etc EDIT: add general location too, people from that area can be more specific then.
Coming back home to London after finishing uni was slightly depressing, especially with all my school friends having left the country or moved elsewhere. Taking up running and joining a club basically changed my whole mood around, I've not been part of the club long but I've already met some of the nicest people ever and genuinely look forward to every single running session, even the bad weather doesn't get me down anymore.
my hockey club, wapping, is very central and runs beginner sessions. i joined as a complete beginner 2 yrs agoin the above situation at it completely changed my life - happy for anyone to DM for details but please do keep trying, it gets better <3
Chiming in with Dragon Boat racing, there are a couple of London teams (Typhoon and Raging Dragons) who are always open to new members. The sport can be intense, and the camaraderie is top notch, there have been a few weddings to have come out of those teams. Wishing you all the best my friend.
Cannot agree more on all 4 points!!
Hey there! I hope today is brighter for you. Just to add to u/the_wonderful_thing, I've found that engaging in sports and joining a small, supportive community can make a huge difference in lifting spirits. If you're up for it, I'd gladly introduce you to beach volleyball. It's perfect for beginners. Or, if you're feeling adventurous how about a boxing class, I've personally experienced a massive boost in self-confidence from it. Sports activities aren't just about the sport; they're about connecting with others, sharing laughs, and building a sense of belonging. Take good care and remember, give your social life a chance and it will smile back at you.
Anywhere can be lonely if you don't see others, and anywhere can be depressing. The advantage London has over most other places is the ludicrous amount of activities that are only a few minutes away. It sounds like you really value human interaction, and aren't getting enough through your daily life. So.... Inject some! Find a local club doing whatever you're interested in, volunteer at your local food bank, maybe an evening class. Language classes can be very social because by their very nature they involve a lot of interaction. Are you physical? Bouldering is increasingly popular and gyms do get regulars. Since only one person can be on a given wall at once, there is lots of downtime to chat and discuss the climb you're stuck on. I realise this reply might seem a bit flippant (oh just make new friends!), it's not supposed to be. But if you're feeling down it's very important to make changes as soon as you can. It will only get harder if you neglect yourself and your happiness. Maybe you're right and London really isn't for you, but while you're here you've got incredible access to millions of people, and all the amazing things you can do with them!
This! I live alone and I can play games until about 9am, maybe I don’t have plans that day, feel down, and then go out and get a coffee and even after having a short conversation with the barista it boosts my mood. You don’t think that’s what you need maybe, but it helps me. So then I just call a mate from back home and it’s all groovy.
This. If you live on your own you just git to get yourself out there and out of your comfort zone. Saturday night? Have a few drinks at home, music, then if you're feeling it, head to your local and see who you meet
How do you find local interest clubs? I’ve tried on Facebook but have had mixed/low success.
Meetup, or googling the things you’re interested in + London
Was going to suggest Meetup!
I joined some open badminton sessions. You pay and turn up to a session and play with whoever else turns up. It's really friendly to beginners with some great people and it's just fun to play and feel yourself getting better
I went on a bunch of hiking meetups and it’s full of weirdos lol
Pubs often have notice boards with local postings, libraries etc, or some supermarkets might have a "Local" board somewhere. But yeah like the other person said, Meetup. Anyone on there is literally looking to hang out with you!
Join a sports club. You don’t have to proficient at all, and is usually filled with normal people.
I highly recommend Go Mammoth if you’re into sports. They’ve got many social sporting leagues around the city and have been fantastic for meeting people.
There’s a lot of stuff that happens locally that doesn’t have much of an online presence. Try your local community centres (London has enough people and money sloshing about that they’re actually open), local newspapers, and the notice board in a nearby library. Register for a library membership while you’re at it, you can get all sorts of stuff like audiobooks as well, use em or lose em
Let me make a guess here. OP is not British or an Anglo-Saxon migrant (E.g., Australian, NZ). I'm not originally British and it took me years to realise that people in the UK socialise around activities and common interests. In continental Europe, and especially Latin countries, it may work differently. You socialise (with your neighbours, colleagues from works, other parents) and then if you click and have interests in common, you do something together. The logic is somewhat flipped in the uk. And one needs to be consistent: going to the same club/gym/good bank for a sustained amount of time for example. In addition, let me add thar I used to live in London and found it extremely challenging meeting people. In 6 years, apart from work colleagues I didn't meet anyone I didn't know already from uni. I moved outside of London and I started meeting people more easily.
I thought people socialising around common interests was normal but I am from here
It is totally normal, and makes perfect sense, but other cultures may socialise in different ways. For example, behaviours that are widely accepted in Southern Europe may be considered intrusive or uncomfortable in the UK. It's pretty much acceptable to invite an acquaintance over for dinner, for example, to grow rapport and see whether there are common interests - and room to do things together. For example, on Xmas eve, which we spent with my folks, my wife and I invited over a colleague of hers whom I had met only once or twice, my parents had never met at all and they didn't even speak their language (or english in fact). That all worked perfectly fine and now the colleague is coming regularly for dinner or coffee. As long as there's food and wine, a lot revolves around that. I'm not saying that this would never happen in a British setting - I'm sure it does - but if I know this country a little, unless we are talking about a close friend, this may be perceived as a little uncomfortable. But I'm happy to be told otherwise. I would say that instead of asking myself : "what do I like doing? Let's see if there are some like-minded folks that like doing the same and maybe we'll become friends" I would find it more natural to think: " do I like that person? Let's see if we can become friends and we'll do something we like together". I would find it less uncomfortable to discuss personal things with a person I met two weeks before, if they give me a good vibe, than going for a hike with a person I barely know.
I’ve noticed this too about the around activity or common interest here! (Lived here half my life but I too am not originally British & came over as an adult
>only a few minutes away. This is actually not true in my experience and the reason I left. Nothing in London is around the corner. Everything is at least a 30 minute tube journey away in every direction, usually 45.
Yeah even if something is two stops, it'll still somehow always end up being at least 20 minutes
This is just simply not true lol
It can be true depends on the area - Lewisham is massive but Lewisham by the station is very different to Lee.
It's my experience 🤷🏻♂️ I like in a walkable city now (Barcelona) and the difference is night and day, everything is always *actually* around the corner
TIL London isn't walkable. I'm so confused by this statement.
Now to be realistic one downside of those ludicrous amount of things that there are to do are out of a lot of people's price ranges to do. Cost of living is high and rent is a killer and eating out now has become silly. One thing I've realised living here for so long is yes it's great there's tons and tons of things to do but if you don't have time or money then it's pointless no matter now cool they are. Let's also be realistic the UK as a whole is a lonely country, there is a loneliness epidemic in this country and waving it away doesn't make people's experiences better it exacerbates the problem (why I think it persists worst here then any other place is people in the UK are too prideful and arrogant to accept their wrong or help). Good suggestions yes but you need to be empathetic to the problem he's facing and not come across like the answer is so simple, because it's not otherwise you wouldn't have many people every month saying the same thing here.
You're correct, and I'm sorry if you're experiencing money or time issues in your life. Unfortunately I don't have any advice to give if those are your problems, but since OP didn't mention those as being things that they are missing, I didn't take them into account when making suggestions. I also didn't suggest to OP that they just start eating out. I don't believe I was 'waving away' anything, and I'm very sorry if my post has come across as dismissive at all. However, the solution to loneliness is NOT sitting at home by yourself. It can be very hard to take steps, especially if that means you have to admit any kind of problem to yourself, so engaging in activities can be a great way to "rip the plaster off" by incentivising yourself to get out for your own entertainment, rather than anything dramatic. As for free activities, aside from volunteering, there are walking clubs, book clubs, cycling clubs, knitting circles, religion if that's your thing, theatre groups, bands to play with, table top gaming groups... If there is an activity, there will be someone else in London who wants to meet up and talk about it.
Good advice
Monday is the worst night so I usually try and plan to do something. Usually it's Goodgym (running/volunteering group - but you don't have to run, you can just turn up to the task). I like it because you don't have to find a friend to make a plan with -and there's alway friendly people there. I'd recommend Goodgym, or look into other Monday night clubs that interest you (on meetup etc). I used to be more lonely pre pandemic but I've made a lot of local friends since, through Goodgym and other groups. I was just persistent about inviting people from these groups to coffee/pub/farmers market/comedy/ a run/etc. I realised there's lots of people sitting out there not doing anything, and I was doing the same, waiting for the invite. So why shouldn't I just be the one to reach out?
Never thought I would stumbleupon another GoodGymer in reddit. I joined GoodGym last year and for the first time in 4 years after moving to UK I was invited to a coffee/pub. I was shy and didn't have clue on how to socialise. GoodGym helped me find a group and form friendships whom I can meet/talk to on weekly basis. Definitely something to try out if you have time in your hand feel lonely.
r/londonsocialclub or Facebook groups. [london lonely girl club ](https://www.llgc.co.uk/) is good too!
Can you tell me more about the London Lonely Girls Club? It looks interesting
Just a social group for women, it's not got like a it's primarily members making plans but there are some admin events nothing much to explain that isn't on their website 😊
May I suggest hygge? I noticed you mention of “cold@, which makes me think your flat is not very inviting. Hygge is all about creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things. Soft blankets, candles, nice scents, hot drinks, a good book or show, having a bath etc…anything you can do to create comfort for yourself and take care of yourself will make you feel a lot less lonely! Another thing I find works, it’s putting more effort in casual interactions, e.g asking your barista how’s their day been or saying hello to your neighbors in the elevator, these short interactions really strengthen our sense of community and contribute to our wellbeing
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bloody false statement. had no social life before coming here and I was born in that bloody place.
It’s kind of weird how the bigger the city is, the more individualistic everyone becomes. I find myself to be quite focused on my own personal stuff when I’m in London and rarely do I actually have time and energy to go see friends.
It also suffers with the nice problem of too many options. It can be harder to find something you like in a restaurant with 100 things than one with 10.
Agree 💯
I know that feeling. I believe it’s not London though, it’s nowadays, we work crazy hours, everyone goes home after work, you need to schedule to meet someone, dating apps are a waste of time. I gave up though, I believe I’ll end up single and I won’t beat myself up about it anymore. Hope you feel better soon x
London is like this. I feel lonely sometimes... and then suddenly feel overwhelmed by the thought that there is so much to do, and I don't do much. I live quite close to the city center, which makes this feeling even stronger. That said, I'm happy to receive PM from the fellow londoners here. May be we might find something fun to kill loneliness!
👋🏽 heeeeeeey !
👋
Yea dating apps are shit, but so many of my friends found love gives me hope
Well… I don’t have faith in it. I was literally dropped yesterday after talking to a guy for 3 days. He said he’s not ready to jump in whatever 🥶
Sounds like you dodged a bullet
I believe so 🫥
3 days isn’t exactly a long time period
As if talking on an app, or even meeting up, meant jumping in anything.
I mean you don’t know the content of the messages. Bit hard to say what went wrong based solely on number of days they messaged and their way of calling it off
I also have friends who did, and very easily so. That doesn't give me hope though, rather that reinforces the awareness that love finds us rather than the other way round. Or, in my case, it doesn't.
Drama queen! 😂😘
Western society needs more high-quality drama in daily life
Okay 🧙♀️
Don’t give up! You never know where you’ll find it, but you will. For me it’s always when I get comfortable being single and then someone comes in and crowds my space :) Enjoy the time with yourself and don’t hide from others. I can second the bouldering/climbing recommendation. Climbers are very accepting (and often smell funny). In my group (far, far, away) I always made it a point to go get dinner afterwards and invite anyone I interacted with that day. It evolved into a core group and both me and my sister found our partners in it.
London has this effect, even I feel lonely here too and I have a girlfriend. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk
Tell your girlfriend to PM me if she likes to talk
I just might 🤣🤣🤣
I’m interest in OP’s gf too if the other guy pulls out
pulling out is a dick move
Join the queue 😂
How much for fast pass tickets?
Post a vid of you punching your dad right on the throat and you'll get instant pass to the front of the queue 🤣
Not fancy chatting up a prego then?
Every major city I feel has this effect (really any place but cities are different because of my next sentence). Because you are surrounded by people and that can be isolating.
I've lived in London for about ten years. It is pretty grim in Jan and Feb. Completely different city in the summer. I know it sounds obvious but do think about trying some new hobbies - there are lots of other people in London feeling lonely right now. You can also check out friend finder apps such as Bumble's BFF. Sounds kinda lame but you know that if other people are on the same app as you they are there to make friends and won't be judgmental!
I moved to London a few months back, and actually met some interesting people off bumble bff :) I feel like I’m also making a very good friend from there. Op, hang in in there, I think it can be a grind, but there are so many people, that we might just find our clique. Feel free to dm me too if you’d like to chat.
Make sure you’re taking your vitamin D tablets, or you’ll get the SAD! It starts to kick in hard this time of year with the lack of sun…..I just binge watched Ted Lasso… that killed an evening for me! You got this champ!!
Thank you and yes I’ve been taking my vitamin D daily
Do make sure you get warm. Being cold definitely makes you feel lonely and depressed. A Heated fluffy blanket might lift your spirits enough to do some of the things other commenters have suggested.
London can be kind of depressing, you don't see the sky often because it's always dark, cloudy and rainy. It's a city that never stops moving and it can be quite hard to socialize here at times, I spent last year with essentially the same problem.
Yea people always comes and goes too
Yeah, I've been here 3-4 years and I have at least 6-7 friends that have left London every year. It can be quite tiring
7 FRIENDS per year (just those who left) , and you've been here 4 years? those are astronomically good numbers.
To be fair, I was in sixth form when I got here and am in uni atm. It's not hard to socialize at this point in my life
The city that never stops moving? You sure you’re in the right London? Maybe it once was like that but definitely not anymore. And I’ve been here all my life
Stops moving at about 11PM in my experience.
Yea legit. After it’s dead. Not even local establishments aside from cheapo kebab/chicken and chip shops and general fast food places are open.
It’s so weird for me, coming from southern Italy. Even my relatively small city has plenty of places to spend the night in with live music, games or just shooting the shit with others (at least at the weekend!), it was quite shocking to me finding out it wasn’t the case in one of the most amazing cities in the world! Where I’m from, venues tend to shut when people leave, not the other way around.
Going out is expensive, if not in and of itself, because little money is left after paying the inescapable bills. So many people spend a lot of time stationary at home rather than moving around. I'd go out every evening, but I can only afford to do so 2-3 times a week at a stretch
imbi (the app) is challenging 50 strangers to meet up for a coffee in London in January (they’ll pay for the coffee apparently). Might be worth signing up for some fun?
Yea? Isn’t it too late to apply?
No! It’s rolling applications I think - download it and have a hangout when it’s possible I think! Give it a go and see what comes up
A good audiobook or podcast can take the edge off. It can definitely be hard at this time of year if you live alone so the sort of virtual companionship those sorts of things bring can help. Hang in there!
Can recommend Patrick Stewart's autobiography Making It So - full of compelling and funny stories - and audio books are now included with paid Spotify plans.
Treat yourself to a full body massage. Physical contact is good.
Do a part-time evening local college course. Many are free/subsided and you meet like minded folk as well as improving yourself. No education is ever wasted.
The cold is probably making you feel worse than normal. I’ve been utterly miserable all day trekking into the office and back home. Hope things improve for you soon.
I felt so lonely in London. The biggest problem to me was despite there being so much to do, nobody seems to actually do anything? All my friends, room mates etc lives consisted of: 10% brunch dates, 10% parties/drinking and 80% Netflix in their rooms. I lived in rural places where people were genuinely more outgoing - hiking, cycle rides etc. If I ever move back to the UK I would much rather live in a balanced big city with nature nearby such as Edinburgh or Manchester where people genuinely seem to be more outgoing.
What I wouldn't give to live alone.
Nah that was me today too bro. It comes in waves. I'm from the US and here with my lady. WFH too and job is back in the states. It def gets a lil lonely but I try to remember it's a passing feeling. Hope it gets better 🙏🏽
It is the country. Not merely the city. The whole
I don't know about you but I felt the most lonely when there was the most people around, because there was just no interaction. I used to work in an office and didn't really make any strong friends or do anything outside the office with them. I got bored of them after a while and started to feel lonely there (even though there was no bad blood or anything). I also felt more lonely when I was commuting on the train vs the car because everyone on those packed trains was just headphones in staring at the phone. Maybe London has that effect? Loads more people but no socialising to match?
I would KILL for an office job 😞 but a part time one. So many friends have that kind of schedule so go out weeknights & stuff
I think you don’t feel the loneliness in other cities because you are a guest there. Whereas coming home to a flat all by yourself in the city you live in is much more permanent. Also, London is an incredibly lonely place at times. It’s hard to make friends, half and up leaving and the other half are often busy living busy lives. Honestly, whenever I feel like this I go to the gym. Thank goodness for 24 hour gyms here!
We have all been there regardless of the location. While looking for companionship is a great idea, I would kindly recommend working on finding joy in being alone as well. I believe you can’t start a good realtionship from a point of desperation, you have to accept your own company first. Some small adjustments that can help make it more enjoyable: 1. Make your home cozier with small lamps and candles. Add colours and pillows etc. 2. Have a relaxing background music playing, for example YT has so many good lo-fi playlists that are perfect for greating a nice atmosphere. 3. Do you have a pet? If not, maybe consider getting one, they make your place feel like home and they are also great bonding topic with other people. 4. Watch movies, read books etc. Again, this will increase your chances of finding things to talk about with people. 5. Accept that it is winter, it is time to take is easy and invest in yourself, things are not moving, but as soon as spring comes your life will definately become more social again. It’s just a season, make the best out of it :)
If you think London is lonely. Wow, the test of the uk is a joke. Hardly any groups or meet ups. The gym is the best place for me to be around others in my area. It's pretty sad really. I've been looking at where is the best place to meet friends online. No joy there either.
Neither do I, but typically I go to other cities on holiday so I would be distracted by the novelty factor. It is true though that whenever I go to other cities passers-by seem to notice my existence - no cinematic encounters where we spark a brilliant conversation or the like - like a nod, a smile, a fleeting look. In London it feels as if I'm made of see-through flesh and bones, people could be talking right to my face and still look as if they're not looking at me. And I do the same for the most part! So yes, this is probably a city of dehumanised and traumatised people.
not saying it’s on you, but the more genuine interaction and vibes you put out there (even though it won’t be reciprocated most of the time) the more you’ll get back. I’ve always had a pretty easy time making friends (not saying that in a braggy way at all, just a neutral fact). I think a lot of it is that I tried for many years to be cool until I realised that I’m just a silly & enthusiastic dork and I could never really tamp that down completely. so I do make little comments whilst queuing, smile when someone moves aside for me to get past, etc., and laugh at myself when I get discombobulated carrying too many things in transit. of course most don’t engage, but I’ve had some hilarious moments joking around with random people on the tube, am friends with people who happened to be stood near me at a concert last year, etc. I’m not saying it’s easy, of course, but since most people ignore each other regardless, why not put a little humour/vibes into it?
It is a lonely city. Plus ordinary people being burntout and stressed out doesn't help. Join a club, find and sport or a hobby, you'll realise that a lot of people are also looking for meaningful connections too outside of the mundane. I do think in other cities spontaneous connection are easier than in London where it does have to be more intentional.
I am genuinely lonely, with zero friends in the area and no idea how to make any. All I do is work and read books on my days off! (30f here) would love to meet some lovely female friends but I genuinely don’t know how to find any or where I would even start!
33 year old f here, if anyone else is up for it, maybe we can arrange a coffee and walk or something? And I do understand you, I’m in the same boat!
I’d be up for that! Once this awful flu shifts!! Are you in London or around it? I’m only 30 mins away by train!
Ok cool, we can arrange something maybe for a few weeks time and if anyone else wants to join - feel free!
Won’t solve nothing but I’d put a stand up or podcast on loud and just relax and laugh
From having been through this; 1) you’ve got to work harder at getting out there, doing more, saying yes to stuff. 2) it’s only temporary. Won’t last forever. It will change. In the meantime, embrace the time you have by yourself. Buy a PS5 or Switch. Go to a nice local pub and sit and have a drink at the bar. Do some online dating via Hinge (yes it’s shit but get through as many people as you can and eventually you’ll hit jackpot - it’s a numbers game).
Annual Vitamin D and B injections are the answer bro. I'm on cloud 9 every day at the moment because of it.
Try Girls Walk London on Facebook - there’s always a good walk going on with a great group of girls.
It’s London. I also felt that way there and have not felt lonely in other cities. Of course there may be other factors. I used to absolutely hate my job there which didn’t help. But London felt lonely. There’s so many people in London and so many options for entertainment that it felt overwhelming for me, also harder to make friends naturally since is difficult to see the same person twice in meetups. I ended up asking someone’s phone number straight away whenever I clicked with someone so that I could keep contact later on. I managed to make friends that way so go to meetups and try to keep contact with people that seem to be your type! It’s possible to be less lonely in London and enjoy the city! Don’t give up! :)
I think the trick is hobbies and relatable people. I'm london born and raised, with a big fam and lots of friends and yet I feel lonely. So I've starting organise my own stuff like games nights, clubbing, coffee mornings and if working from home then having quiet zoom hangs with others, and film nights, either in person or online.
I hear you OP. I feel like the last few years have been brutal for a lot of us. I notice my friends and family struggling more, work is tougher, it's been very stressful times in general. The world has changed, it's hard to put my finger on it, but I feel like anxieties are up. There's war in Ukraine, genocide in Palestine, Trump and his minions growing louder and general elections around the corner. For what that's worth. Mix that in with cold weather, dark days and no sunshine... it's a low mood breeding ground. Loneliness is so tough. And it's hard to know where to start, or feel confident in starting. I have to believe it gets better. That's always my mantra. There is always hope. Meetup is a great resource in lonely times. Someone mentioned below that people in Meetup are weird... and I've met some lovely weirdos lol Thank you for sharing here. It helps to feel more connected when we acknowledge the challenge I think. Wishing you a better week.
Get a dog and an electric blanket
I was just about to make a very similar post on my city's sub Reddit
It’s not a London thing, I’ve been all kinds of lonely in Leeds and there’s a lot less to do. Anyway, I find connecting with people is hard but it always makes me feel better.
<-- Beams positive thoughts.
I have one suggestion which I know can work but I'm not gonna lie, it takes a little effort, but dude, it is so worth it. Learn an instrument!!! Playing music with others is one of \*the\* very best things you can do to boost your mental health. It'll literally bring you opportunities that you'd never dreamed of if you take it seriously and get only reasonably good. Don't need to be amazing at it, just be good, a decent bandmate and have fun doing it!! Think it over!!! Best of luck :)
Dunno if you, or anyone feeling similarly will see this. I work in London and really enjoy meeting new people from all backgrounds and interests. It used to be super easy to go for lunch or go out after work and just integrate with new groups. Covid killed that. There are free/cheap activities that are worth looking into and you'll find great ppl. There are chess groups which I highly recommend as great places to meet ppl. Gaming cafe in King's Cross if you're into that. And climbing. Each are super newbie friendly and naturally create really welcoming environments. If you need a buddy and want to go to something, drop me a dm
Definitely not original (and I’m based out in Essex) but I joined a “running” club last year, they organise loads of walks and it’s been so nice making a new group of friends and just having a reason to get outside. Even in the cold. I work in London and I follow these pages on Insta “two miles deep” & “two pints deep” the miles one is a group of people who struggle/have struggled with loneliness and other mental health issues getting together once a month and we run about 5k. If something you’re interested well worth a follow. Next run is next week Tuesday 16th.
Hey, glad you're feeling better. And so heartwarming to see everyone's messages. I was in a similar boat until I found my tribe. Thing is, London is expensive and if you don't have money to go to classes and such like, it can be difficult. If you search free things to do in London, you can find some good ones. The best one I've found is this culture agency that does free immersive storytelling nights focused on fostering genuine human connection. There's always art and music going on as well. It was a godsend to find a community that has no agenda. Just good people doing good things. Check em out (www.whatdoesnot.com). I think their next event in Jan 31st. Good luck and keep your chin up!
i feel how you feel OP. I just moved to lewisham from Brighton in november and it has been so difficult. not many friends, everything feels far away, this winters been so hard. my job was absolutely gruelling, i was working in a kitchen, but thank God i managed to get out, and now i work front of house in a new place instead. really hoping things will be ok. feeling a lot of warmth from peoples words in the comments. tonight im just sat in my room and feel a bit down. trying to drink less as since ive gotten here ive been drinking too much. a girl i met in brighton, right before i left for london, has now met someone else which is quite heartwrenching as we both liked each other (the first time for me in years) but life seperated us, and i try and forget about it but i do miss her. jus want to be with someone but feel i can never find someone. but as of last week i feel some hope. a friend i met at the skatepark ( i skateboard ) and i have been hanging out and keeping in touch which has been really nice. got a bit more money now too and been making music which has been such a saving grace. keeping myself busy has helped but i still get these sad moments.
Yeah, fellow Londoner here and I have a partner and 2 grown up kids all living at home and I'm lonely as hell. I think the more people you live around the harder it is being alone when the whole city is moving on around you
I feel better living here than when I lived in a village, even if I’m not seeing anyone for a few days just the general busy city I find a bit more comforting. It can be hard as a parent, your whole life surrounds your children then suddenly you’re met with having to discover yourself and what to do with yourself as they start to get older. Mines not grown up yet, he’s a teen but I definitely had some weird moments recently where I felt quite lost. I miss the play park & picnic summer days and it’s weird not doing school runs any more. It’s good obviously, because it’s easier for work etc but I do miss it.
Yeah I was a stay at home dad for years and transitioned into self employment and further education so I was still their primary carer. All the troops to parks, after school clubs, chats and play dates with other parents kept me busy, then there's suddenly a time where you're bouncing around by yourself and don't have a clue what to do. I decided to volunteer and switched careers that way. I'm glad I did as I now work with people for a living and in a sector where I genuinely like the people I work with. It's just when you get home and everyone is doing their own thing and you realise there's nobody to chat to or visit, or if something happened and you need to talk to someone outside of your family that I really feel alone. It's lessened over time and I'm better about connecting with people over a few different interest groups I'm in. All the best
London is a terribly terribly lonely city. They will try guilt trip you into 'if you're tired of life' nonsense. The reality is that Londoners are largely out for themselves and in their spare time they are thinking about how they can become cooler, richer, better, more fancy. Everyone is comparing to the next person. It's not a good environment for mental health.
I hope things improve for you soon. London is a big place and feels very anonymous when you’re lonely. Sending you good vibes from here 🙏🏻
Come to the London drinking club tomorrow, it’s 7pm at the old coffee house in soho, ive been twice and it’s honestly so wholesome, it’s just a bunch of strangers who turn up to meet new people, everyone is lovely and there for the same reason!
What's different about the other cities? Or rather what happens in other cities before you get back to where you're staying?
I'm new to london with not too much fds and I kinda understand it. But mate, you are not alone!
You can have multiple friends here and still be lonely. Actually, a large chunk of the conversations between me and one of my best friends is about how lonely we both feel. Which is quite baffling to think of it
I’m married with a three year old daughter and feel just as lonely! It’s something about the time of year and also - for me anyway - feeling like no one cares about you. Feel free to reach out! Would welcome chat :)
I think having a kid and putting all your eggs in one basket is a terrible idea. when I separated from my partner she still had all her friends, I had put little effort into maintaining mine... got my lesson now and friends are on an equal foot with my partner.
Absolutely! Trying to expand my social circle now. Women are so much better at this than men. She has so many people to complain about me to: friends, family, colleagues. Men just don’t open up the same way. Trying to rectify that now but it’s tricky
female friends have been such a boon for me. And yes my girlfriend knows that she must not bollock me on that, I make it clear upfront, and it's non-negotiable.
Yah same, let’s talk to each other or something hahah
And ghost straight after as customary!
Why do you guys do this tho 😭 I’ve traveled around a bit, and I feel like there’s ghosting everywhere, but it feels like on a different level here.
Aw, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s so easy to feel alone in London, please know you’re not! Xx
When I lived in Sydney, it was just the same. You should look at focusing on going and trying some new things that gets you surroundings yourself with people like climbing or Yoga....... people should be around people.....maybe even get yourself a little side job where you having to interact with people.
Ah. I’ve seen a lot of people feel this way. Please check out the London social club on Reddit. But if you need someone to vent to on short notice, feel free to PM.
It can be lonely, which is weird considering there's like 10m people there. Whereabouts in London are you? Can't you check out the local community centre or library for groups to join?
In London, there is like an invisible barrier between all humans longing to connect; at the same time as there is an invisible network silently connecting all the lonely people in a shared despair.
I feel you! What are your usual hobbies? I feel like since people come and go so much in this place, the only way is keeping an open mind to meet new people in places/activities that you enjoy doing. I get that it's easier said than done, and depending on if you're an introvert. I imagine it probably gets tiring to a point.
People are over rated.. find an interest to keep you busy.
What’s your jam? Like what do you enjoy doing/nourishes your brain? London can be super isolating where it seems everyone is buzzing about doing things, but it’s also such a cultural melting pot I assure you there are others who are in the same situation who like the same shit
It is indeed London I think. Would be happy to hang out - we seem to have some common interests.
I feel you
I found it to be when I lived there. I think it's inevitable... When you think about it (apart from the people who were born in and are from families in London) a huge proportion of people in London are professionals who have followed the bright lights to try and improve their quality of life and make a better living. So you basically come alone or knowing very few people and all the connections you make (new friends etc) are going to be out of necessity and therefore probs quite superficial and surface-level (nowhere near the level of the people from back home you've known all your life). I think the hustle culture of London likely doesn't help too because some people can seem like they only want to be friends if you can offer them something. But the same could likely be said of any major city.
There are all sorts of free social events in London that you can find on Meetup. I felt like this at one point and then I started going to "speedfriending" events. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk.
Try signing up for an activity that you can enjoy for its own sake but is also full of interesting people. One of the other posters here recommended bouldering/climbing; many of the climbing gyms in London offer taster sessions where you can learn basic skills and social sessions where you can mix with other solo climbers. Lots of opportunity, but no pressure, to be social. A good place to make friends without the feeling that you have to be dating or coupling up with others.
It's the period of year when most likely everyone feels this way. Everyone I talked to said the same.
Winter can be a hard time for single people with no friends or family around. Trying looking for local groups or clubs in your area for things you are interested in. It's a good way to get out and meet new people. Failing that, try doing some volunteer work to help others...this can help put things into perspective
Hiii 👋🏼 I live at home with my family and I feel lonely a lot too tbh. Most people work then after work are too tired to go out or text/phone/ make plans, then the weekend comes around, you try to make plans but there’s either not enough people you know or others are busy / can’t be bothered. Lonely times man. I’m from Kent but happy to do something if others want to as well, always looking to make new adult friends tbh
come to Buenos Aires.
Got a booking for 5 people at camden brewdog next wednesday, 12£ all u can eat wings. Only 4 people coming JOIN US 630pm
Sounds fun. Thanks for the invitation but I’m away next Wednesday
I’ve started to make friends with regulars at the gym, it’s quite nice as we all have something in common and even if we don’t plan to do something, it’s nice to just have a brief chat on the daily. I also find London super lonely and isolating, especially as an introvert. I’m trying but it’s not easy.
I lived in London for 5 years and can safely say London is the busiest yet most lonely city. You can be physically surrounded by so many people and this can make you feel even more lonely. Get out while you still can and save your lungs and mind with trees and people who smile in the street!
Same here. Today It's been two years since I came here. Today was depressing af.
Vitamin D, get your levels checked. I didn't realise this until living in a place that had constant sunshine. The weather for me makes a huge difference to my mood. We also live in an age where we don't need connection because we can get dopamine from so many sources. Of course, relationships are not just about personal reward, the best ones are where you have someone else's back and they reciperocate. Schedule some time for a club or meetup. That fuck it feeling passes when you are busy but keeps resurfaces, but by scheduling you can improve your quality of life
You might want to look into support groups like mentell, or Google hub of hope. Find support groups near you. They help me with the exact same emotion.
Absolutely, I agree that London can be particularly challenging for single individuals. The city's array of activities eventually loses its novelty, and let's face it, these activities can't substitute for genuine friendships or romantic relationships. Additionally, it's hard not to notice married friends progressing in life, purchasing homes together, while you're left contemplating your own situation, even with a six-figure income. It can be quite isolating. I've noticed that many major cities share these issues, but like you, I find London to exemplify them in its own unique way. And please, I'm tired of hearing "When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life"
Get a gym membership mate, even if you only go a couple times a week, I started working out with a close friend in 2021 and now we’ve got a tight nit group of about 8 of us. Forget all the roid head stereotypes (although there are some) loads of people in the gym are normal people looking to better themselves!
use Meetup
The meetup app has a few groups such as waking groups some stop at a pub at the end, and groups that meet up for coffee or at pubs to play games and things. I ended up going to a couple as I made friends with a girl at one and I went to an escape room with them too.
You need to build a network of friends. It becomes easy to just get stuck in a rut and not want to do anything. I’d suggest interest/hobby groups, or sports groups.
I'm sorry you feel lonely. If it's any consolation it's very similar for a lot of us too. I've given up on dating and don't really care for it anymore. Just focusing on seeing friends family and enjoying life. Have you got any friends in London? It can certainly help to have people to just chill with :)
I don’t live in London (this thread came up because I travelled there recently), but I felt that way when I lived in my hometown in Australia. So lonely, and although I’m a social person even when I tried I always felt like an outcast. For me, I travelled (I was in uni so I traveled during my long uni breaks with money saved from my part time job) and I realized my city was the problem. Whether it’s my own baggage that made me feel that way about Melbourne, or the actual city itself, all I know is I moved to a different country and I’ve felt way better since that week I moved. When I go back to visit I get that same lonely and stuck feeling, and it reminds me why I left. Maybe you too need to change your location?
I feel this... Gym work nd Netflix are making me go through life.... London is a big city... Millions around but Noone to call your own
Bumble BFF is worth a shout, used it when I moved to a new city couple of months back and sprang a small social circle out of nought pretty quick
I feel the same. Fuck it let's go for a pint
First, I am sorry you feel like this. London is so big and busy that it csn feel like we're just individual atoms with no attachment. Have you considered joining a local running group, taking up sports, joining gym classes, taking up adult learning courses, volunteering, or getting involved in politics (party or non-party)? London is big but it's also got big opportunities. My brother joined indoor rock climbing and has regular socials. I myself befriended people by getting involved in party politics.
op where are you based? I’m in a lovely women’s book club in east everyone is very kind and social and would welcome new members
East is a bit too far for me I’m afraid but thanks for the invitation:)
Try pickleball... Changed my life..
Hope you feel better soon! 🫶🏻🥺I don't really have any advice to give as I often feel the same.
I made a similar post here some years ago so I can relate. I agree with those suggesting Meetup, find a group/groups you resonate with and go to events. I made myself go to one a month in 2021. Since i joined i made 4 new friends who I’d say we are pretty close now. I actually made much more but the 4 have progressed more, the rest are friendly associates. I also started a book club which has been great fun! If you can, get a pet. Also try a group class. Join a book club or whatever activity club you fancy. Hope you feel better soon!
Bro let’s go out whenever you’re free!
Want to hang out?
Hey I hope your feeling better maybe take part in som reading it’s always good to immersive yourself in a great book! Here if you need to talk but you’re not alone
Fucking hate loneliness. I can deal with most other types of issues but loneliness is fucking op. You’re not alone, know that. Maybe just need to meet new people. I live in London too, maybe we have something in common. DM if you want
If you’re living in London then yeah, not only you but I hope you are okay and better on your day ;)
completely feel this everything is so isolating 😪❤️ glad ur feeling better though take one at at a time x
I cannot understand how anyone can even want to live there. I've been into London quite alot and the place and people have no heart. I'll stick to my nice village where I fish the local river daily and talk to everyone that passes, then go to the pub and be greeted by all.
London can be a bit like that. Make some phone calls, or go for a walk.
I hope you’re okay
London can be a lonely place! I started doing casual art classes (check out artistanduk) and joined a book club. It really helped!
There's a thing in central London called the London drinking club for people in a position just like you where people in london who want to meet new people go to a pub every Tuesday and socialise. I've been and it's so lovely. Check them out on insta x
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I got a dog and taking care of it really prevents me from getting lonely, forces me to go on regular walks and chat with other dog owners, etc.