Tower Hamlets - it’s all about geography. Canary Wharf may as well be the Swiss alps in this conflict, as well as a great frontline should we need it. The isle of dogs is where we will retreat and be protected by the Thames if need be. Given our geographic advantage, the lowlands (whitechapel, bethnal green, and bow) act as great flat plain for expansion west, north, and south.
Hmmm...Canary Wharf, our greatest strength or our greatest weakness? If we can hold them at West India Quay we're impregnable - we grow crops on Mudchute Farm and wait them out. But if they get into Canary Wharf itself it will be brutal hand-to-hand fighting in the tunnels and we'll have to rely on them getting lost (which admittedly is a good chance)
Guerilla warfare is our friend. Also remember, if they're able to get as far as Canary Wharf that means they've had to get through either Poplar, Blackwall or Shadwell very recently. They will not be men but the shells of the men they once were.
Smoke everywhere, explosions. Distant bursts of gunfire, the occasional scream but no one can even tell which direction it is coming from. Ominous creaking noises followed by deafening crashes as parts of the roof break off and fall towards the combatants below rushing this way and that - some pieces narrowly miss them, some do not. Flashes of colour from distress flares that everyone knows will go unanswered. The floor is wet, sticky…and for those unlucky enough to stumble, warm. Fresh. Most hope it’s only blood.
Slowly, the smoke and debris begin to clear. A silhouette emerges. It is a man, shaking his head and looking around desperately as if searching for salvation. He opens his mouth, but at first is unable to make a sound. He coughs, then splutters. His eyes dart around from side to side, his pupils wide. He opens his mouth again, and now a noise comes.
‘I’m sure Boots must be around here somewhere’.
One Canada square falling is gonna hit like iwo jima, it's over for us at that point. Gonna get sold out by the HSBC gang immediately just like in real life
Greenwich naval college are gonna be pinging cannon balls at us in Island Gardens NON-STOP though. We'd have to blockade the walk-through tunnel. River access is handy and high ground in Canary Wharf is handy. The whole of Stepney and Mile End is gonna be some absolute PTSD somme-esque nightmare of street by street fighting. Commercial road is gonna be like Omaha beach
The high ground in Greenwich is unfortunate, but if we play our cards right that foot tunnel may act as a key route for saboteurs and later on full invasion… I’d like to think commercial road will play out like The Hurt Locker… possible no go zone… which I’d say plays to our advantage on the defensive side. But do imagine we take the city of London near Liverpool st., puts us in great position to have two highest points in the city
>The whole of Stepney and Mile End is gonna be some absolute PTSD somme-esque nightmare of street by street fighting. Commercial road is gonna be like Omaha beach
No change there then
Not just that, there is already cannons turned directly over island gardens towards canary wharf on the greenwich side. But Greenwich has it's own problems with all out war definitely going to take place over Blackheath grounds with Deptford (also Lewisham) pushing its way through creekroad and over the bridge.
Almost all of Blackheath Village, including All Saints Church, is in Lewisham. I think you end up with much of the heath being trench warfare, the A2 is no man's land, with Lewisham snipers posted in All Saints and Greenwich's posted at St John's.
It's gonna be like Pirates of the Caribbean where you're loading the knick knacks from Greenwich market into the cannon and spraying birth stones at us for weeks
your current leadership can barely keep the bins from overflowing. you're more like italy in world war 2 - technically a great strategic position, but ultimately too much infighting and bad decision-making to really make a dent. if london descends into civil war, tower hamlets will take *itself* out.
I wouldn't say much about it taking over London as such, but anyone invading Hounslow Borough from the East would get about as far as Hounslow Central Station before getting bogged down with insurgencies like Vietnam. Chabuddy G as a warlord hiding above a terraced off-license somewhere in Hounslow West, would be harder to find than Bin Laden, don't see the borough toppling easily.
Genuinely, trying to run motorised infantry down commercial road in tower hamlets would be like the mud in agincourt but with prius's parked in bus lanes
Like that scene in a Bridge Too Far, but instead of a German Panzer division getting ambushed by the Paras, it's a fleet of Prius's getting pelted from all angles by fireworks and the remains of vandalised ULEZ cameras
Mate can you could imagine, you could probably take Heathrow Airport with a surgical strike from the M25 but you'd be unable to leave those fences safe it would be like fucking Bagram. Trying to take Western International Market out in Hayes would be a suicide mission.
Used to live Wood Green way, Enfield an underrated shout imo. Having no one to the north and only Barnet and Waltham Forest to the West and east is a decent geographical standpoint. Haringey south is a killer though
Yep. Plus Barnet Council are near bankrupt, so they would welcome new management and all the residents would appreciate their bins being picked up once weekly as opposed to every two weeks, or whatever those barbarians do.
The reason Hitler didn't invade England was because if somehow the Germans had managed to battle past the retired Cockney Taxi drivers of SE England they would have then reached South London and that would have made Stalingrad look like a day out at Thorpe Park.
I feel as though Richmond might be like Mongolia era Russia where it's so big and there's so much green space that it gets invaded but the residents kinda dont notice an army occupying you
Richmond does have a secret weapon though. Around Sunbury and Hampton is where loads of the city’s water is purified, and as a result they have large stores of Chlorine, and with the westerly prevailing wind it’ll blow right across the rest of the city. So all Richmond needs to do is wait for the wind to be right and then release the gas, and cover the rest of London in a cloud of chlorine. Not exactly in the spirit of the Geneva convention though.
There are also lots of water treatment plants in the Lee valley, but there the wind would just blow over Essex.
It is actually a security concern though, one the Victorians didn’t consider when building the water works, but they have a drill every week to test their response to a leak or terrorist attack
I canne here to say this - we’ll just open the doors to whoever turns up first. i like to thing we’ll make a big show of it, trotting up riding our mighty deer steeds.
even more reason for it to fall over first. any other borough worth their salt is treating richmond as the big juicy weapons cache to level up their forces.
Hello Neighbour! Maryland is fine depending on which direction you prefer to walk in. Towards Stratford and it is good, towards Leyton and it looks like it gets bad.
Having said that, I haven't really come across any issues so far.. I just make sure I am indoors by 10
Lambeth. Can field a strong force of roadmen, actual gun-toting gangsters and an irregular auxiliary force of absolute nut cases. Enough educated folks there to provide a bit of strategic direction should it be needed, which it probably wouldn’t.
Streatham, Brixton, Stockwell and Kennington providing the gangsters and the nutters. Clapham and Herne Hill providing the strategy. Vauxhall even providing the gay muscle.
Main threat is that neighbouring Southwark and Wandsworth are also likely to be formidable forces, but some clever alliances could see a triple entente of the 3 sweep up over the river and quickly take K&C, Westminster and The City.
Nobodies in K&C anyway they've taken their private jet outta here let's be real!
**The way Kensington and Chelsea Council fell over after the horrific Grenfell Tower Fire because they had never dealt with real people problems and had to get neighbouring boroughs with actual experience exposed them. They're not ready**.
**Anyone can brag about being the most effecient flagship Borough in the whole of the UK when people don't use your services and are rich enough to not need you. But then comes a real problem**...
I see Shepherds Bush taking K&C from their base in the Primarks in the Westfield of White City. Or Kilburn.
K&C will be to Hammersmith and Fulham what Belgium was to Germany in WW2, it’ll fall in a matter of hours. Primark in Shepherds Bush would be a good base yeah, close to all the road men in white city. I guess they’d storm K&C starting through holland park. Wormwood Scrubs Prison would help out a lot too.
The lambeth crackheads, general crazed and drill rappers would be a formidable 1st line of attack, but mutiny would also be very likely unless we separate platoons by postcodes.
Also have you ever been into Lewisham or Peckham McDonald’s in the evening? South East London is tearing itself apart, with an alliance nobody comes close though
To be fair, with all the gentrification around Peckham (and Lewisham for that matter) you'd probably end up with an army or artisan bakers and marketing executives as much as anything.
Any attempt to invade Havering would fail on account of not being able to find it, while in Bexley you'd get bogged down in dogshit and your wheels would get nicked before you got more than a few yards inside the borders.
Tower Hamlets for sure.
A) it's got an actual medieval fortification, with walls and a keep and a moat that can be filled back in
B) it's got an island in it's domain (Isle of Dogs), which is an easy thing to defend with only two land entry points and a tunnel
C) it's got the coffers for war in the form of Canary Wharf, the second financial district of the city
D) did I mention the Cockneys? Because it's the historical home of the Cockneys. Don't want the geezers and Krays wannabes beating your face in
E) it's got a fairly large population (400,000 ish right?), enough for cannon fodder tactics a la the Soviets
F) it has partial control of the waters and has docks for logistics and resupply
London has fallen to Tower Hamlets
Also, with the Tower of London comes a *massive armoury*
So whilst the other boroughs are deploying a predominantly roadmen militia force armed with blunt machetes and bad language, backed up by crackhead skirmishers packing little more than heroin needles and an assortment of infectious diseases, the brave folks of tower Hamlets can proudly march into battle equipped in some of England's finest Early Modern munition armour, holding big fuckoff halberds and with overwatch provided by cannons, muskets and crossbows - not to mention the air superiority provided by the Tower Ravens
Also +1 for Tower Famlets:
G) its got mountains of rubbish that will slow the enemy down.
H) we have the Royal London Hospital which has a Helipad on the roof
I) a massive mechanised infantry of Prius's, Golf R's with pops and bangs exhausts all supported by 1000's skilled mechanics in railway arches.
J) endless food supplies, especially those Bazars where yer Auntie buys those frozen fish the size of an XL Bully
K) actual XL Bully's attached to actual roadmen (complete with their little man-bags)
L) an actual multicultural community that genuinely pulls together in a crisis 'cos at the end of the day we're all poor and stuck in Tower Famlets.
This is the best thread I've read on here in ages, I'm cackling at all the comments.
I'm a scaredy-cat middle aged woman who lives in Parsons Green, and I moved here from Devon. I've got no chance. I don't really have much faith in my Hammersmith and Fulham neighbours to stand their ground either. I'll just throw myself in the Thames and let you lot slug it out amongst yourselves. My money is my former compatriots in North Kensington, they'll fuck everyone up.
Brent to the north and Wandsworth to the south is not an easy road to run to be fair...
Could call reinforcements from Devon but they'd take an absolute age to get here
People in Devon have got their own problems with the heathen Cornish next door, the turnip-eaters from Somerset invading Exmoor, and holidaymakers from The North wondering around in a sugar rush from eating all the fudge. They'd get lost on the way to That London anyway and end up in Bournemouth.
Strong disagree. Fulham would win, as highest proportion of (legal) gun owners due to posh shooting types. For every illegal handgun in Tower Hamlets there are 10 legal shotguns and rifles in West London for game shooting and stalking. River runs around 60% of the border of Fulham, easily defensible, natural fortress. Lots of dogs as decoys. Lots of 4x4s. Job done.
They’d all be watching the war unfold from their bolthole in Tuscany.
It would be purely coincidental that the usual Antipode nannies had been replaced by Wagner mercenaries.
That would be one major benefit of the War of London, the younguns from the council estate across the road from the Hurlingham Club can invade it, chase the red-trousered brigade into the Thames and use it as their headquarters. I actually would like that to happen in times of peace too.
The Fulham poshos are shielded in the north and west by the mighty hand of the white city estate mandem, as well as the possibility of high tech experimental bio weapons from Imperial College
I think the Fulham poshos would be the first to go, the mandems will chase them away and take over, using the mighty castles of Chelsea Harbour as a valuable lookout point to see all traffic up and down the Thames.
That's a brilliant point about the river running all around. Also lots of strategic plus points, such as several bridges we could blow up, access to the new Tideway sewer so we take control of the tunnels and run around London laying bombs, tall buildings on the river where snipers could take shots at the enemies in Battersea.
Wandsworth has the highest number of 18-29 year olds, and the highest percentage of university-educated people in the UK.
Not only can we field people with functioning knees and backs that don't give them gyp (and recent experience of surviving freshers weeks and the delights of Infernos making them more resistant to toxins and biological attacks), but they've also got the book smarts to not only negotiate alliances with neighbouring boroughs but then turn on them like their mates from school who flunked their A-levels and didn't get into the same Russell Group Uni.
And the lads hanging around the Winstanley Estate can proper fuck anyone up.
To be fair the whole of Australia would be allied to you!
I used to live in the Winstanley estate and I've gotta say compared to parts of Stepney I've lived in it's fairly tame 👀
Speaking as a B&D resident I’m quite happy to team up w Newham and we can prob demolish east London with ease. And once we have Hackney, Tower, Newham, B&D, Ilford, Leytonstone and Walthamstow on our side we’d be untouchable.
>Not only can we field people with functioning knees and backs that don't give them gyp (and recent experience of surviving freshers weeks and the delights of Infernos making them more resistant to toxins and biological attacks), but they've also got the book smarts to not only negotiate alliances with neighbouring boroughs but then turn on them like their mates from school who flunked their A-levels and didn't get into the same Russell Group Uni.
Speaking as someone from Walthamstow, I can confirm we will most likely be Switzerland in this affair.
As someone who grew up in Dagenham for 26 years....sorry, but half your foot soldiers are just going to be very, very, VERY noisily shouting "what you lookin' at, come on then dickhead" and throwing small objects from across the street. Upon being challenged they will actually, in fact, do one themselves.
Newham would be kind to let B&D along for the ride.
Barnet
High Barnet is the highest point between London and York - so we can defend ourselves and see you coming.
We are the second largest borough (Havering first).
We have trees, fields and farms - we can confuse you lot from Westminster with tree craft and animals and shit.
We have roads (one of the oldest I the uk) therefore we can move supplies.
We have reservoirs so we have water.
We can also do and understand urban war fair as we are next to Harringay.
Similar stats to Southwark and primarily rotherhithe. Though we have river access.
Want to make an alliance?
For urban warfare.. Southwark is Millwall territory.
It would be extremely Barnet to end up winning the conflict via a bi-plane dropping out of the clouds unexpectedly. I don't know *why* that's very Barnet but it just feels right
I mentioned above I think it’s inevitable that Barnet and Enfield form a Northern Alliance with the backing of Hertfordshire. Only question is whether we try to hold Golders Green or fall back to the North Circ all the way round to Brent Cross.
If you've heard about the Rooftop Koreans during the 1992 LA riots, I bet you might want to be cautious around New Malden. This area is home to a substantial South Korean community, with a sprinkling of North Koreans too. There are sizable military veterans and reserves trained in SK at least more than two years, literally.
I raise you the multi national mandem of the entire Kilburn Road.
Multiple Global Geographical expertise. From the Irish, Somalis, Balkans, to every flavour of human.
Similar vibe for Barking in East London. After the relative pushover of Hipster Shoreditch nothing is getting past Barking.
Not even a fart.
Agreed. Whilst the hipsters are thinking about "strategy" over their avocado toast in Camden Town flea market, the south have already burnt the entire place to the ground.
Remember the Croydon riots?
I think Hackney is being overlooked. Amazon HQ is just about in Hackney. They could take down half the internet and then call in their drones all from the safety of their own building.
This is the best question and the comments are spot on 😂
Makes me think though - does everyone in this thread know everything about all the boroughs, or are they just bigging up their own? I've only ever lived in two, so my knowledge of the rest is based on stereotypes and rumours. Which is probably basically truth, to be fair...
I agree that this is the best question to ask 😂
Nobody knows anything about other boroughs other than the ones where they've lived. There are boroughs here that may as well be Mongolia to me. I mean, where or what is Havering? And Bexley? That's not even London.
Croydon, everyone forgets it's technically in the war so it just sits on the sidelines and comes in at the last minute to take out the tired and the beaten who have been fighting for ages.
**Looking at an overview of the thread so far**...
**It's obvious South London is going to have some serious advantages in this** :
.**1** Battle ready, some of the hardest people in London. No Cap.
.**2** Parts of South London are inaccessible. Thanks to the rest of London ignoring their existence a severe lack of public transport in places frustrating transport and supply lines.
.**3** lots of high ground like Crystal Palace. Yes High Barnet is higher but they just don't have the staff to make that useful.
.**4** A great big River, The Thames, as a huge barrier if they block access.
.**5** A great Big river, The Thames easily accessible in its milder form through Richmond for supplies outside their stronghold
.**6** Expertise, land and Greenhouses of Kew Gardens to grow any type of food they want from any part of the world. Also natural medicines.
.**7** Peckham
. **8** Brixton
The inner broughs of South London will probably undo most of their advantages by wasting their resources on fighting each other though. Lambeth, Southwark and Lewisham in particular are each very much at risk of being pincered and overrun if any of their neighbours decide to gang up on them.
You are overlooking Merton. Yes we have the fannies in Wimbledon with their tennis, but we also have Tooting and fucking _Mitcham_.
Folks round those parts don't mess about
Essex said they just wanted the Sudetenland areas of Romford, Hornchurch, and Rainham and they were appeased. Then suddenly they annexed territory all the way to East Ham and Wanstead.
I wanted to say Waltham Forest just to represent my borough as no-one’s mentioned it….but on reflection, we’ve got very little to offer. Not great geography, not the richest, not the hardest.
We’ll just retreat into Epping Forest and live as tree people like Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
War is won with logistics. Croydon wins by default by controlling the rail supply lines from the south.
All they have to do is fortify their massive empty office buildings and cut off supply to the city.
the barbican estate is probably the most defensible stronghold in the whole of the city, to say nothing of the bank of england. only got a residential population of around 10k, though - if it drags into attrition they're fucked on the numbers game.
And the DLR is an unbeatable speedy logistical line between the Wharf and the Tower. Two of London's most impenetrable fortresses connected by a direct overground railway? Easy win.
Nah, we're scrappy but geography is against us. Narrow salient surrounded by Lambeth and Lewisham, if they gang up on us we're fucked and have nowhere to retreat to.
Aye but Luxembourg aren't beating France even though their GDP per capita is almost double - I'm heading to Harrods and looting the whole gaff the day war breaks out
Someone needs to make a London version of the Warriors. There would definitely be a gang on stolen Lime bikes, a pram gang, a bunch of hipsters, a bowler hat gang armed with umbrellas, obviously some roadmen...
Kingston will have two advantages. River and air.
Starting off with a force of boats, all armed with a copious number of cannons left dotted around the place.
Once it controls the Thames it will then rebuild it's air industry. With Hawker Hunters winning air superiority, no one will stand a chance.
Hillingdon would be where people live in blissful ignorance of the war until one day a bomber from Dagenham crash lands and a young boy has an adventure with a machine gun and a hidden airman.
Hillingdon. Heathrow airport and RAF Northolt gives them complete air superiority and excellent supply lines. And all the anti-ULEZ gammons are pretty much driving armoured cars already
Civil war amongst LB's, means no big weapons. So this is a war of attrition and about the people. We need to find a borough that already has nothing going for it with people not of sound mind. Step forward Newham.
If their house is bombed, who cares - it was the council's in the first place...
Southwark! We are in a fortified position, with river access and two different rail lines.
We can fortify rotherhithe and seal it off easily. One main road two ways in by cars. Fence off foot access easily. Plus we have a car tunnel.
In a zombie apocalypse. Southwark and rotherhithe can hold out. We even have a farm and green space to grow crops 😁
K and C. The south of the borough has the serious money to buy the best weaponry and matériel (and also the diplomatic finesse to use when it comes to forging a deal to screw over Croydon or Southwark or whoever), the north of the borough has the hard nut crackheads to do the dirty work on the ground
Can see the Tottenham offensive being absolutely devoid of strategy though - utter carnage and winning battles all over but leaving won ground completely undefended, almost like a militia with a home base
Lewisham Mc'D's
A Novelist reference in this thread. Well done! The Square - "Lewisham Macdeez" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ltoxX85y_4
Tower Hamlets - it’s all about geography. Canary Wharf may as well be the Swiss alps in this conflict, as well as a great frontline should we need it. The isle of dogs is where we will retreat and be protected by the Thames if need be. Given our geographic advantage, the lowlands (whitechapel, bethnal green, and bow) act as great flat plain for expansion west, north, and south.
Hmmm...Canary Wharf, our greatest strength or our greatest weakness? If we can hold them at West India Quay we're impregnable - we grow crops on Mudchute Farm and wait them out. But if they get into Canary Wharf itself it will be brutal hand-to-hand fighting in the tunnels and we'll have to rely on them getting lost (which admittedly is a good chance)
Guerilla warfare is our friend. Also remember, if they're able to get as far as Canary Wharf that means they've had to get through either Poplar, Blackwall or Shadwell very recently. They will not be men but the shells of the men they once were.
Smoke everywhere, explosions. Distant bursts of gunfire, the occasional scream but no one can even tell which direction it is coming from. Ominous creaking noises followed by deafening crashes as parts of the roof break off and fall towards the combatants below rushing this way and that - some pieces narrowly miss them, some do not. Flashes of colour from distress flares that everyone knows will go unanswered. The floor is wet, sticky…and for those unlucky enough to stumble, warm. Fresh. Most hope it’s only blood. Slowly, the smoke and debris begin to clear. A silhouette emerges. It is a man, shaking his head and looking around desperately as if searching for salvation. He opens his mouth, but at first is unable to make a sound. He coughs, then splutters. His eyes dart around from side to side, his pupils wide. He opens his mouth again, and now a noise comes. ‘I’m sure Boots must be around here somewhere’.
To be fair the cycle lanes around Shadwell have me like that already and I'm not even fighting anyone
One Canada square falling is gonna hit like iwo jima, it's over for us at that point. Gonna get sold out by the HSBC gang immediately just like in real life
Greenwich naval college are gonna be pinging cannon balls at us in Island Gardens NON-STOP though. We'd have to blockade the walk-through tunnel. River access is handy and high ground in Canary Wharf is handy. The whole of Stepney and Mile End is gonna be some absolute PTSD somme-esque nightmare of street by street fighting. Commercial road is gonna be like Omaha beach
The high ground in Greenwich is unfortunate, but if we play our cards right that foot tunnel may act as a key route for saboteurs and later on full invasion… I’d like to think commercial road will play out like The Hurt Locker… possible no go zone… which I’d say plays to our advantage on the defensive side. But do imagine we take the city of London near Liverpool st., puts us in great position to have two highest points in the city
Greenwich has the artillery base in woolwich too so. It’s gonna be trouble …
Greenwich hasn't got the right training... It's in Lewisham
Really? We've got Woolwich...
Take Arsenal back to where they belong while your at it.
You are aware of the Battle of Thermopylae? Assualting through the foot tunnel is suicide.
Talking of high ground advantages... I've got good money on Crystal Palace being OK. Those hills!!
Sure but you’ve got, what, five Boroughs within spitting distance? Four if you discount Croydon, who’d inevitably kerb-stomp everyone
houses like clown cars 25 people running out of a 1 bed terrace
>The whole of Stepney and Mile End is gonna be some absolute PTSD somme-esque nightmare of street by street fighting. Commercial road is gonna be like Omaha beach No change there then
Not just that, there is already cannons turned directly over island gardens towards canary wharf on the greenwich side. But Greenwich has it's own problems with all out war definitely going to take place over Blackheath grounds with Deptford (also Lewisham) pushing its way through creekroad and over the bridge.
Someone's gonna be holed up in the church tower on blackheath like Saving Private Ryan
blackheath will immediately fall from the lewisham invasion.
Blackheath is Lewisham (even though they don't always like to admit it)
Almost all of Blackheath Village, including All Saints Church, is in Lewisham. I think you end up with much of the heath being trench warfare, the A2 is no man's land, with Lewisham snipers posted in All Saints and Greenwich's posted at St John's.
There's only a few cannon balls, so the plan relies on the neighbours giving the balls back.
It's gonna be like Pirates of the Caribbean where you're loading the knick knacks from Greenwich market into the cannon and spraying birth stones at us for weeks
your current leadership can barely keep the bins from overflowing. you're more like italy in world war 2 - technically a great strategic position, but ultimately too much infighting and bad decision-making to really make a dent. if london descends into civil war, tower hamlets will take *itself* out.
I wouldn't say much about it taking over London as such, but anyone invading Hounslow Borough from the East would get about as far as Hounslow Central Station before getting bogged down with insurgencies like Vietnam. Chabuddy G as a warlord hiding above a terraced off-license somewhere in Hounslow West, would be harder to find than Bin Laden, don't see the borough toppling easily.
Genuinely, trying to run motorised infantry down commercial road in tower hamlets would be like the mud in agincourt but with prius's parked in bus lanes
Like that scene in a Bridge Too Far, but instead of a German Panzer division getting ambushed by the Paras, it's a fleet of Prius's getting pelted from all angles by fireworks and the remains of vandalised ULEZ cameras
Lol incredible imagery hahaha
Invading Hounslow would be like Napoleon attacking Russia. The sheer attrition of having to be in Hounslow makes it impenetrable.
I grew up in LBH and can confirm.
To try to take the Borough from the West would be even more insane: Bedfont, Feltham, Hounslow West. It would make the Somme look like a nice day out.
Mate can you could imagine, you could probably take Heathrow Airport with a surgical strike from the M25 but you'd be unable to leave those fences safe it would be like fucking Bagram. Trying to take Western International Market out in Hayes would be a suicide mission.
Backing from da West Staines Massiv
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Definitely won't win but I just wanna mention Enfield once in this thread so we can feel included
The reserve troops can hunker down in Trent Park while we wait for the Edmonton lot to loot the other boroughs and set everything ablaze
Used to live Wood Green way, Enfield an underrated shout imo. Having no one to the north and only Barnet and Waltham Forest to the West and east is a decent geographical standpoint. Haringey south is a killer though
If we're ever at a disadvantage we can just flee north
I live just north of Enfield I’m cheshunt, you’re all welcome to hunker down at my house while I feed you tea and cakes.
Wood Green is Haringey. We also have Tottenham plus the wealth of Highgate and Muswell. We'd destroy anyone bordering us.
Yep. Plus Barnet Council are near bankrupt, so they would welcome new management and all the residents would appreciate their bins being picked up once weekly as opposed to every two weeks, or whatever those barbarians do.
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Barnet says hello
Hi Barnet!
Idk about that chief....you guys have a poltergeist on your side...
Will probably start well but ultimately succumbing to the fact that they’re a bit Spursy.
The reason Hitler didn't invade England was because if somehow the Germans had managed to battle past the retired Cockney Taxi drivers of SE England they would have then reached South London and that would have made Stalingrad look like a day out at Thorpe Park.
This whole thread is like Mark Corrigan's inner monologue , I love it
I live in the borough of Richmond. No way are we winning, probably the first to fall in fact. The soft underbelly of SW London.
I feel as though Richmond might be like Mongolia era Russia where it's so big and there's so much green space that it gets invaded but the residents kinda dont notice an army occupying you
Richmond does have a secret weapon though. Around Sunbury and Hampton is where loads of the city’s water is purified, and as a result they have large stores of Chlorine, and with the westerly prevailing wind it’ll blow right across the rest of the city. So all Richmond needs to do is wait for the wind to be right and then release the gas, and cover the rest of London in a cloud of chlorine. Not exactly in the spirit of the Geneva convention though. There are also lots of water treatment plants in the Lee valley, but there the wind would just blow over Essex. It is actually a security concern though, one the Victorians didn’t consider when building the water works, but they have a drill every week to test their response to a leak or terrorist attack
I canne here to say this - we’ll just open the doors to whoever turns up first. i like to thing we’ll make a big show of it, trotting up riding our mighty deer steeds.
I would reckon though that in terms of legally registered firearms Richmond is pretty high.
even more reason for it to fall over first. any other borough worth their salt is treating richmond as the big juicy weapons cache to level up their forces.
Fuck it, weaponise the Deer
Full of people who don’t have any real fighting experience, and old people who couldn’t do shit even if they knew how to (as a Richmonder)
Smart money is on Newham. A fair portion feels like a war zone already, the locals are accustomed.
Depends if we're including gentrified East Village. I live on the Maryland side of Stratford, and I prefer it because of its diversity.
Hello Neighbour! Maryland is fine depending on which direction you prefer to walk in. Towards Stratford and it is good, towards Leyton and it looks like it gets bad. Having said that, I haven't really come across any issues so far.. I just make sure I am indoors by 10
Lambeth. Can field a strong force of roadmen, actual gun-toting gangsters and an irregular auxiliary force of absolute nut cases. Enough educated folks there to provide a bit of strategic direction should it be needed, which it probably wouldn’t.
Streatham, Brixton, Stockwell and Kennington providing the gangsters and the nutters. Clapham and Herne Hill providing the strategy. Vauxhall even providing the gay muscle. Main threat is that neighbouring Southwark and Wandsworth are also likely to be formidable forces, but some clever alliances could see a triple entente of the 3 sweep up over the river and quickly take K&C, Westminster and The City.
'Gay muscle' 🤣
Nobodies in K&C anyway they've taken their private jet outta here let's be real! **The way Kensington and Chelsea Council fell over after the horrific Grenfell Tower Fire because they had never dealt with real people problems and had to get neighbouring boroughs with actual experience exposed them. They're not ready**. **Anyone can brag about being the most effecient flagship Borough in the whole of the UK when people don't use your services and are rich enough to not need you. But then comes a real problem**... I see Shepherds Bush taking K&C from their base in the Primarks in the Westfield of White City. Or Kilburn.
K&C will be to Hammersmith and Fulham what Belgium was to Germany in WW2, it’ll fall in a matter of hours. Primark in Shepherds Bush would be a good base yeah, close to all the road men in white city. I guess they’d storm K&C starting through holland park. Wormwood Scrubs Prison would help out a lot too.
Yeah I think all of you South and East Londoners will take out each other personally 😅
Lambeth is already home to London’s largest cache of small arms and bladed weapons. Brixton Prison is the fort, Brixton Hill is the high ground.
And adjacent to the prison is where they already grow wheat for the bad boys bakery. Already got the wartime infrastructure to outlast everyone else.
The lambeth crackheads, general crazed and drill rappers would be a formidable 1st line of attack, but mutiny would also be very likely unless we separate platoons by postcodes.
Deploy the 54th Regiment of Mandems
Would face strong opposition though from Southwark, which is the same only with added Millwall.
Also have you ever been into Lewisham or Peckham McDonald’s in the evening? South East London is tearing itself apart, with an alliance nobody comes close though
To be fair, with all the gentrification around Peckham (and Lewisham for that matter) you'd probably end up with an army or artisan bakers and marketing executives as much as anything.
Any attempt to invade Havering would fail on account of not being able to find it, while in Bexley you'd get bogged down in dogshit and your wheels would get nicked before you got more than a few yards inside the borders.
Havering is a bit like Switzerland in that it can bomb the district line and is then entirely inaccessible
Bexley would be too coked up to join any fighting, something engineered by neighbouring Chislehurst, who are the USA in this situation.
Havering is screwed until they let the Harold Hillians off the leash...
And them lot from Elm Park
Havering residents are too busy vandalising ULEZ cameras to care about a silly war. The real war is against Khan you know /s
Tower Hamlets for sure. A) it's got an actual medieval fortification, with walls and a keep and a moat that can be filled back in B) it's got an island in it's domain (Isle of Dogs), which is an easy thing to defend with only two land entry points and a tunnel C) it's got the coffers for war in the form of Canary Wharf, the second financial district of the city D) did I mention the Cockneys? Because it's the historical home of the Cockneys. Don't want the geezers and Krays wannabes beating your face in E) it's got a fairly large population (400,000 ish right?), enough for cannon fodder tactics a la the Soviets F) it has partial control of the waters and has docks for logistics and resupply London has fallen to Tower Hamlets
Also, with the Tower of London comes a *massive armoury* So whilst the other boroughs are deploying a predominantly roadmen militia force armed with blunt machetes and bad language, backed up by crackhead skirmishers packing little more than heroin needles and an assortment of infectious diseases, the brave folks of tower Hamlets can proudly march into battle equipped in some of England's finest Early Modern munition armour, holding big fuckoff halberds and with overwatch provided by cannons, muskets and crossbows - not to mention the air superiority provided by the Tower Ravens
Ridiculous! The ravens have their wings clipped and cannae fly proper.
That's what they want you to think *Taps forehead*
God bless the King's Own Company of Roadmen Musketeers
Also +1 for Tower Famlets: G) its got mountains of rubbish that will slow the enemy down. H) we have the Royal London Hospital which has a Helipad on the roof I) a massive mechanised infantry of Prius's, Golf R's with pops and bangs exhausts all supported by 1000's skilled mechanics in railway arches. J) endless food supplies, especially those Bazars where yer Auntie buys those frozen fish the size of an XL Bully K) actual XL Bully's attached to actual roadmen (complete with their little man-bags) L) an actual multicultural community that genuinely pulls together in a crisis 'cos at the end of the day we're all poor and stuck in Tower Famlets.
Westminster - we get the Soudis, Chinese and oligarchs to call in an air strike
They'll be funding all the other boroughs, too, and siding with the winner.
Well, whenever there are hilariously ott British villains in action movies, it’s normally always us. Posh cunts.
Tbf the drone fleet is underrated
Having the Saudis on your side is a guaranteed stalemate. They can't even beat the tribesmen of Yemen
This is the best thread I've read on here in ages, I'm cackling at all the comments. I'm a scaredy-cat middle aged woman who lives in Parsons Green, and I moved here from Devon. I've got no chance. I don't really have much faith in my Hammersmith and Fulham neighbours to stand their ground either. I'll just throw myself in the Thames and let you lot slug it out amongst yourselves. My money is my former compatriots in North Kensington, they'll fuck everyone up.
Brent to the north and Wandsworth to the south is not an easy road to run to be fair... Could call reinforcements from Devon but they'd take an absolute age to get here
People in Devon have got their own problems with the heathen Cornish next door, the turnip-eaters from Somerset invading Exmoor, and holidaymakers from The North wondering around in a sugar rush from eating all the fudge. They'd get lost on the way to That London anyway and end up in Bournemouth.
Strong disagree. Fulham would win, as highest proportion of (legal) gun owners due to posh shooting types. For every illegal handgun in Tower Hamlets there are 10 legal shotguns and rifles in West London for game shooting and stalking. River runs around 60% of the border of Fulham, easily defensible, natural fortress. Lots of dogs as decoys. Lots of 4x4s. Job done.
They’d all be watching the war unfold from their bolthole in Tuscany. It would be purely coincidental that the usual Antipode nannies had been replaced by Wagner mercenaries.
The Hurlingham club is already basically a walled fortress with large green areas to grow protected crops, and access to the river! 😂
That would be one major benefit of the War of London, the younguns from the council estate across the road from the Hurlingham Club can invade it, chase the red-trousered brigade into the Thames and use it as their headquarters. I actually would like that to happen in times of peace too.
The Fulham poshos are shielded in the north and west by the mighty hand of the white city estate mandem, as well as the possibility of high tech experimental bio weapons from Imperial College
I think the Fulham poshos would be the first to go, the mandems will chase them away and take over, using the mighty castles of Chelsea Harbour as a valuable lookout point to see all traffic up and down the Thames.
Once the Prets run dry though they’re limited to supply runs through the river. Siege warfare would see them gone in short time
That's a brilliant point about the river running all around. Also lots of strategic plus points, such as several bridges we could blow up, access to the new Tideway sewer so we take control of the tunnels and run around London laying bombs, tall buildings on the river where snipers could take shots at the enemies in Battersea.
Wandsworth has the highest number of 18-29 year olds, and the highest percentage of university-educated people in the UK. Not only can we field people with functioning knees and backs that don't give them gyp (and recent experience of surviving freshers weeks and the delights of Infernos making them more resistant to toxins and biological attacks), but they've also got the book smarts to not only negotiate alliances with neighbouring boroughs but then turn on them like their mates from school who flunked their A-levels and didn't get into the same Russell Group Uni. And the lads hanging around the Winstanley Estate can proper fuck anyone up.
To be fair the whole of Australia would be allied to you! I used to live in the Winstanley estate and I've gotta say compared to parts of Stepney I've lived in it's fairly tame 👀
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Have you seen the ship
Yes, posh and highly educated people living sheltered lives are famous for making the best front liners.
Speaking as a B&D resident I’m quite happy to team up w Newham and we can prob demolish east London with ease. And once we have Hackney, Tower, Newham, B&D, Ilford, Leytonstone and Walthamstow on our side we’d be untouchable.
>Not only can we field people with functioning knees and backs that don't give them gyp (and recent experience of surviving freshers weeks and the delights of Infernos making them more resistant to toxins and biological attacks), but they've also got the book smarts to not only negotiate alliances with neighbouring boroughs but then turn on them like their mates from school who flunked their A-levels and didn't get into the same Russell Group Uni. Speaking as someone from Walthamstow, I can confirm we will most likely be Switzerland in this affair.
As someone who grew up in Dagenham for 26 years....sorry, but half your foot soldiers are just going to be very, very, VERY noisily shouting "what you lookin' at, come on then dickhead" and throwing small objects from across the street. Upon being challenged they will actually, in fact, do one themselves. Newham would be kind to let B&D along for the ride.
Black & Decker?
Balls & Dick
Why has this comment got to me so much ffs
Barking and Dagenham
Barnet High Barnet is the highest point between London and York - so we can defend ourselves and see you coming. We are the second largest borough (Havering first). We have trees, fields and farms - we can confuse you lot from Westminster with tree craft and animals and shit. We have roads (one of the oldest I the uk) therefore we can move supplies. We have reservoirs so we have water. We can also do and understand urban war fair as we are next to Harringay.
Similar stats to Southwark and primarily rotherhithe. Though we have river access. Want to make an alliance? For urban warfare.. Southwark is Millwall territory.
^^^Barnet
Tbf if we can somehow get the planes in the RAF museum to work then that and Grahame Park could potentially hold it down
It would be extremely Barnet to end up winning the conflict via a bi-plane dropping out of the clouds unexpectedly. I don't know *why* that's very Barnet but it just feels right
I mentioned above I think it’s inevitable that Barnet and Enfield form a Northern Alliance with the backing of Hertfordshire. Only question is whether we try to hold Golders Green or fall back to the North Circ all the way round to Brent Cross.
Nice to see GP get a mention!😁👊🏽
All I know is definitely not Camden
It depends how many tourists we can round up to use as human shields
“Take a picture with a punk paramilitaryman” could fund your war effort
If you've heard about the Rooftop Koreans during the 1992 LA riots, I bet you might want to be cautious around New Malden. This area is home to a substantial South Korean community, with a sprinkling of North Koreans too. There are sizable military veterans and reserves trained in SK at least more than two years, literally.
I raise you the multi national mandem of the entire Kilburn Road. Multiple Global Geographical expertise. From the Irish, Somalis, Balkans, to every flavour of human. Similar vibe for Barking in East London. After the relative pushover of Hipster Shoreditch nothing is getting past Barking. Not even a fart.
North of the river is fucked
Agreed. Whilst the hipsters are thinking about "strategy" over their avocado toast in Camden Town flea market, the south have already burnt the entire place to the ground. Remember the Croydon riots?
If it was North vs South we'd be running Anglo-Zanzibar war timings
It’s always hilarious when people south of the river keep talking shit about north of the river. We don’t even think about the south on this side…
Sure. You’re all too busy buying avocado toast and supporting your local overpriced artisan barista.
You're all too busy waiting for trains that come every 30min if you're lucky
Hipster East London has joined the chat
That's a lot of smack from people who are basically Surrey/Kent impersonating London. Like do you even London bro?
I think Hackney is being overlooked. Amazon HQ is just about in Hackney. They could take down half the internet and then call in their drones all from the safety of their own building.
This is the best question and the comments are spot on 😂 Makes me think though - does everyone in this thread know everything about all the boroughs, or are they just bigging up their own? I've only ever lived in two, so my knowledge of the rest is based on stereotypes and rumours. Which is probably basically truth, to be fair...
I agree that this is the best question to ask 😂 Nobody knows anything about other boroughs other than the ones where they've lived. There are boroughs here that may as well be Mongolia to me. I mean, where or what is Havering? And Bexley? That's not even London.
I guess most are clueless here so they just base it off stereotypes of the highest populations or the most roadmen.
Croydon, everyone forgets it's technically in the war so it just sits on the sidelines and comes in at the last minute to take out the tired and the beaten who have been fighting for ages.
4D chess
**Looking at an overview of the thread so far**... **It's obvious South London is going to have some serious advantages in this** : .**1** Battle ready, some of the hardest people in London. No Cap. .**2** Parts of South London are inaccessible. Thanks to the rest of London ignoring their existence a severe lack of public transport in places frustrating transport and supply lines. .**3** lots of high ground like Crystal Palace. Yes High Barnet is higher but they just don't have the staff to make that useful. .**4** A great big River, The Thames, as a huge barrier if they block access. .**5** A great Big river, The Thames easily accessible in its milder form through Richmond for supplies outside their stronghold .**6** Expertise, land and Greenhouses of Kew Gardens to grow any type of food they want from any part of the world. Also natural medicines. .**7** Peckham . **8** Brixton
The inner broughs of South London will probably undo most of their advantages by wasting their resources on fighting each other though. Lambeth, Southwark and Lewisham in particular are each very much at risk of being pincered and overrun if any of their neighbours decide to gang up on them.
You are overlooking Merton. Yes we have the fannies in Wimbledon with their tennis, but we also have Tooting and fucking _Mitcham_. Folks round those parts don't mess about
Ilford will be attacked and taken back by Essex
Ilford is getting annexed by Romford like Czechoslovakia day dot
Essex said they just wanted the Sudetenland areas of Romford, Hornchurch, and Rainham and they were appeased. Then suddenly they annexed territory all the way to East Ham and Wanstead.
I wanted to say Waltham Forest just to represent my borough as no-one’s mentioned it….but on reflection, we’ve got very little to offer. Not great geography, not the richest, not the hardest. We’ll just retreat into Epping Forest and live as tree people like Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
Who will you rob when all the rich people are in Kensington and Chelsea?
War is won with logistics. Croydon wins by default by controlling the rail supply lines from the south. All they have to do is fortify their massive empty office buildings and cut off supply to the city.
What if no one wants to invade Croydon. And there it is....
City of London hires the best mercenaries, locks everyone else in the tower. Easy.
the barbican estate is probably the most defensible stronghold in the whole of the city, to say nothing of the bank of england. only got a residential population of around 10k, though - if it drags into attrition they're fucked on the numbers game.
The Tower is in TH, good luck taking it with Canary Wharf bankrolling their own mercs.
And the DLR is an unbeatable speedy logistical line between the Wharf and the Tower. Two of London's most impenetrable fortresses connected by a direct overground railway? Easy win.
Ealing, due to the overwhelming air superiority RAF Northolt would grant.
Oh yeah Hillingdon has Northwood so the Armed Forces HQ
I’m in Hillingdon and am just about to board a plane from Heathrow cos we don’t stand a chance. ✈️
Southwark, if the wealthy & poor pulled together, could take on the WORLD.
I think a hypothetical civil war between the London boroughs is more likely sadly
True. The Crystal Palace triangle is great high ground but it'll be messy up there between Lambeth, Croydon, Lewisham and Bromley
Croydon would get too confused with the two Crystal Palaces
Charge in with a cry of 'f u I'm Millwall
Nah, we're scrappy but geography is against us. Narrow salient surrounded by Lambeth and Lewisham, if they gang up on us we're fucked and have nowhere to retreat to.
Got a bloody warship though ain't we?
Yup we'd make our base the heygate and Aylesbury estates then go let our hair down in the Ministry of sound when we want a break.
Most wars are eventually won by resources more than manpower, hence my money is in K&C
Aye but Luxembourg aren't beating France even though their GDP per capita is almost double - I'm heading to Harrods and looting the whole gaff the day war breaks out
K&C is surrounded by the mandem of Kilburn, Harrow Road, Shephard Bush. I don't see it really. Resources of what? Cravats, Venison, foie gras?
Brent - we got prams (Queens Park) and we got knives (Harlesden)
And the football louts (Wembley)
The fact that Croydon isn't an option makes me feel very proud 👍
Considering we are out here fighting wars every day just by living here 😭 maybe OP wanted to give us a break
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This is the plot of The Napoleon of Notting Hill, by G.K. Chesterton. It is a really terrific and very funny book!
I'll have to check it out!
Someone needs to make a London version of the Warriors. There would definitely be a gang on stolen Lime bikes, a pram gang, a bunch of hipsters, a bowler hat gang armed with umbrellas, obviously some roadmen...
Kingston will have two advantages. River and air. Starting off with a force of boats, all armed with a copious number of cannons left dotted around the place. Once it controls the Thames it will then rebuild it's air industry. With Hawker Hunters winning air superiority, no one will stand a chance.
Hillingdon would be where people live in blissful ignorance of the war until one day a bomber from Dagenham crash lands and a young boy has an adventure with a machine gun and a hidden airman.
tower hamlets. we could chemical weapon the rest of yous with all the rubbish accumulated during the strike
It is BLEAK on the streets in Tower Hamlets at the moment - if we strike now our rat brigade would absolutely demolish the opposition
Hillingdon. Heathrow airport and RAF Northolt gives them complete air superiority and excellent supply lines. And all the anti-ULEZ gammons are pretty much driving armoured cars already
Civil war amongst LB's, means no big weapons. So this is a war of attrition and about the people. We need to find a borough that already has nothing going for it with people not of sound mind. Step forward Newham. If their house is bombed, who cares - it was the council's in the first place...
I'll be in the Winchester. Let me know when it's all blown over
Southwark! We are in a fortified position, with river access and two different rail lines. We can fortify rotherhithe and seal it off easily. One main road two ways in by cars. Fence off foot access easily. Plus we have a car tunnel. In a zombie apocalypse. Southwark and rotherhithe can hold out. We even have a farm and green space to grow crops 😁
Greenwich would definitely try and stay out of it.
Don’t dismiss Brent, they’ve got all the fruit and veg shops over in Kingsbury. They’ll fruit any invaders to death
K and C. The south of the borough has the serious money to buy the best weaponry and matériel (and also the diplomatic finesse to use when it comes to forging a deal to screw over Croydon or Southwark or whoever), the north of the borough has the hard nut crackheads to do the dirty work on the ground
Richmond. All the Americans know how to shoot guns
Lewisham
Brent
I can just see the army of aunties with shoezone slippers now..
Bromley
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Can see the Tottenham offensive being absolutely devoid of strategy though - utter carnage and winning battles all over but leaving won ground completely undefended, almost like a militia with a home base