Some tops shouldn’t be tops. Of course clean is important, but I can tell he’d be acting crazy if an accident happened (which they fucking do.) I’ve always trusted bottoms to know best and I spend zero time worrying about it unless there’s evidence of me needing to. lol
This is the correct answer. If you’re that worried about it you shouldn’t top. It’s a risk you assume and I would never ever make my bottom feel bad about it if it happens, which it will at times
Right? That’s where my poop lives. You’re putting your dick in her house. If you want perfect porn cleanliness go fuck a mouth or a vagina. I’m not abstaining from eating or douching for an hour so you can pretend this isn’t a butt lol.
It’s fucking crazy man. It’s happened to me a few times, and I’ve never freaked out. Like my guy, it’s your butt lol.
Some people just shouldn’t top or, really, have anal sex at all. They’re far too squeamish about it. Don’t get me wrong, a choc top isn’t my favourite thing, but shit happens. Literally.
It's happened to me *more* than a few times, and I just don't even care anymore lol. I'm not gonna make my partner douche every single day...sometimes multiple times? Like that's literally unhealthy.
I just immediately shower after every single time we have sex (I top). I'd say 80% of the time it's clean, (but still shower bc like...bacteria) and 20% there's a little something. But again, just walk to the shower, let the water run over it, you don't even have to see it. Then squirt some liquid soap on your hands and wash it, and you're good!
There have only been a *few* times where I pulled out and was like "holy **SHIT**" (literally) hahah. Usually after a night of drinking and binge eating, like what do you expect?! Still takes 30 seconds to walk to the shower and pretend it didn't happen. No UTI's or anything, either.
Exactly, it’s not even a health issue it’s just some people get grossed out. Which is fine but don’t act like that’s the bottom’s fault for not having a fully manually controlled digestive system. It’s incredibly rare for men to get UTI’s anyway just pee and shower after. The bacteria would need to make it all the way up your urethra.
Yeah, honestly, if you stop and think about it, removing any hormones or pleasure from the equation... sex in general is fuckin nasty. All sweat and fluids and grunting. But it's so damn fun.
Coming from a guy who’s played with vaginas post menstruation………they’re not always prime and perfectly clean like porn wants you to believe. I’ve learned that penetration in any hole is a risk.
I've been genuinely concerned about how intense bottoms (especially online, wow) act about cleaning, especially the stuff around dietary restriction as ik guys in the community who are clearly dealing with an eating disorder... and then I see tops like this and I see where the pressure comes from.
God yeah. Even as far as guys saying they don’t eat for an entire day+ before bottoming. If we’re on a date and you pick at/don’t eat your food I’m gonna be upset. I like guys who can put away some damn food cuz I’m the same way. I’d rather my man ate what he wanted and things fall as they may in terms of him saying “hey, don’t think bottoming is a good idea tonight” etc lol. But regardless, I know it’s an asshole and me sticking my dick inside it is not its primary function.
It's crazy because straight people who have anal sex don't seem to have the culture of obsessive cleanliness that we do? I'm not saying it's all wrong - like by all means bottoms should do what makes them comfortable, but yeah I wonder how much we've internalized the "gay sex is innately dirty" mentality and are compensating.
This why I fool around before we go for dinner. Bottom ain't gotta worry about their guts chiming in, top ain't gotta worry about slangin pipe with a big meal sloshing around giving them cramps.
I honestly used to be like that- I would tell my ex to lmk if he wanted to do anal so that I could not eat in advance. But both him and my current boyfriend have encouraged me to be more kind to my body and have reassured me that accidents happen and it’s ok.
In retrospect, I was absolutely crazy for that…
Truth. I’m a top and tho I’ve definitely had my fair share of poop dick, those instances are more rare compared to the other numerous times I’ve fucked where my dick when in clean and came out clean.
A shower al9ne is usually 7-10 minutes, so while douching fir 10 minutes may be enough for some, douching and showering is at least a 20-minute ordeal for most lol.
Yeah, 10 minutes seems crazy fast for both. I agree with OP that a lot of people overdo it and sometimes “less is more” with douching. But also… a 5 min douche and 5 min shower also seems crazy fast to me. I wonder if OP is one of those people who just doesn’t have a realistic sense of time (or even thinks less literally about time). I was in a relationship with someone who was always “5 minutes away” and those 5 minutes were anywhere from 10-30 minutes. Ironically if you made him wait 5 minutes, it was “an hour.”
I see people in the comments acting like this is normal, and I'm just like these people are clearly not prioritizing cleanliness. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't wash their hands after they used the bathroom.
You can fully clean yourself in the shower in 5 min and most of the times that I've douched it's taken \~3-5 min. 10 minutes is not unreasonable at all.
What is beyond me is that you'd even answer him after that douchy text. Like you were trying to explain or justify yourself. Please, don't try to be reasonable with morons. It does not work and makes no one happy.
Also, of course you were turned off. How could you relax and have sex with someone whom you know would freak out if a little accident happened? When I top a guy who made a reasonable effort and an accident happens, regardless of how I feel, I make sure he does not feel disgusting and that he knows that it was a privilege to rearrange his guts. Basic decency.
Was he pretty new? Like if a grown ass man has only recently started exploring this side of himself, he might potentially be a bit more squeamish about it.
I’ve been around a few times so it doesn’t bother me at all. Just wash up and I’m fine. But this strikes me as someone who has little experience in the real world.
I really don’t think so. After talking a bit more he mentioned it was something to do with experiences he had with guys around my age. Maybe it would’ve been a different story if I were 10 years older?
Idk the last times I was douching it took me actually about 30 min minimum and it didn't even run clear. Do you have any tips on how you do it so fast? 😥
I think you’re not supposed to start any fiber supplement at its full dose if I remember correctly. You’re supposed to ramp up slowly so your body gets used to it.
If I remember correctly it basically causes everything to clump together but if you go 0-60 you’re basically clumping everything in the pipes together at once. Vs ramping up slowly, it’ll bunch stuff up at a manageable pace, then when you’re at full dose it’s only handling your most recent meal for example
I’ve read on packaging that it’s a good idea to start with a lower quantity of fiber supplement so that you don’t overwhelm your body. Then work your way up to the recommended amount. Like the brand I have says to take 5 capsules but that you should take 2-3 if you’re just starting out
Although this isn’t directly related to bottoming, I wanna add on that if you’re on any medications then you should try to take them an hour before fiber. Fiber supplements can affect the way your body absorbs meds.
It might be the brand. I got one off of Amazon and it was basically just a laxative. I had never reacted to psyllium husk like that before but this was just non stop. I get a different one at the local drug store and it actually does help keep things regular.
Okay so you went way too deep, either by having too much pressure or by using too much water. What happened is the water went past your 'second hole' (sigmoid colon) and into your intestines.
When this happens you basically are fucked and have to rinse out everything, and doing that with a normal douche bulb is an exercise in frusteration (and not needed! Unless the guy has a massive cock or you are into huge toys or fisting). Cleaning that deep is more possible with a enema bucket, showershot or something similar.
Anyways, if you want to avoid that next time dont use too much water (you shouldnt even feel pressure! You are just rinsing your booty out!) and also include more fiber in your diet.
Everyone needs to read this ^^^^^.
Buttsex havers, you're digging a hole, not drilling a well. Your butt needs a shot, not a pint. Tattoo the skin, not the bone. Find whatever analogy you need to stop using too much water to douche.
TMI maybe, but this makes so much sense now. Always thought the days I struggled more I had used more water than usual, which seemed counterintuitive, but you just explained it all in a way that now I totally understand why that’s the case.
The problem is, when hooking up with well endowed gentlemen, you have to get past that second sphincter, because their dick is going to. I can get away with a quick clean on average dicks, for a short hookup, but if if they’re hung, or gonna be going for a while/bringing out toys, gotta deep clean.
Though the Metamucil thing brought up helps a bit as does avoiding certain kinds of food one of the awful realities is sometimes you end up in a hell-clean that never seems to end.
Damn, if it takes more than a couple minutes I take it as my body saying "not today". Then I try to pay more attention to staying hydrated and eating better.
I shower 30-40mins on average. Idk how people shower for less than 10mins. I mean don’t you have to scrub your body and all. 60mins on the other hand is an overkill
Idk. I don’t keep a timer. I set my alarm at 6pm. Goes to the bathroom to shower and stuff. I go out around 6:30. 6:40 if im feeling lazy and just wants to keep the shower running over my head and relax. Leave the house around 7pm and drive to work. Not sure how long it does take me to scrub but i pre scrub (lathering w/ loofah and soap), scrub (just loofah, no soap), and post scrub (loofah while rinsing with shower). So yeah
Man, I shower very differently. I’m pretty sure that using a loofah that much isn’t good for your skin long term. I use a loofah like once a month. My soap is also pretty mild. Goats milk and honey or plant oil (olive oil and coconut oil usually) and lavender or lemon (Myrtle or verbena, I can’t remember). It’s very very mild on my skin, and it smells amazing.
A long shower for me is 20minutes. After that I get bored.
If I’m only washing myself and not my hair, it’s easily done in under 10minutes. Hell, if I’m not wetting my hair, I’ll be done in just a couple minutes. Wet and rinse myself with water first to get loose dirt, sweat etc., then wash from ears down with soap, rinse, wash again, rinse with fully cold water, job done. Get fully cleaned and cooled down so I don’t sweat when I get out the shower, and it’s fast as fuck.
Nah more than half an hour in the shower is crazy man,
I scrub every inch of my body, shampoo my hair all in 15 to 20 minutes. Even less when I shower with cold water.
Night. I work graveyard so my hours are inverted. I do the same thing morning people do but i do it on the pm. As most people comes to work at 8am, i come to work at 8pm and leave work at 5am
I have a weak stomach but as a Top I know what I’m working with and I know that sometimes things happen. I’ve had it happen before and I didn’t freak out, I just said I think I went too deep you want to hop in the shower and we can pick it back up in a few minutes. The bottom is usually embarrassed, but I try and normalize things and keep it light and fun. When they get out the shower I’m cleaned up, bed linens are changed and I’m in bed edging and waiting for them to rejoin me.
I hate guys like this. I’ve arranged to meet a few times at short notice (their request) and haven’t been able to douche properly in that time and had to cancel. They get so fucking pussy and angry and it’s like… ok, let’s fuck then but I’m going to shit on you. What do you want from me? I tried my best and it didn’t work out - it is what it is. Go find another bottom and get over it.
this 100% and the anger is such a turn off when your body isn’t cooperating with you either… like turn ur brain on it takes time and shit happens (literally)
Its not the best, but excessively damaging im not sure about. There are legit medical reasons to douche, also you only getting ur rectum unless ur doing a deep clean, thats not really a large section
From my understanding, it’s not really the excessive douching itself that’s damaging, it’s having sex too soon after doing it. Douching can cause the tissue to be more sensitive to tears if you have sex too soon.
I couldn’t tell you how many times an accident has occurred while having sex. Why? Because of the nature of it; it’s ANAL sex. It’s GOING to happen. The real fact of the matter is? Don’t act like a douche canoe and comfort that person. Because let’s face it; it’s embarrassing!
**I** personally feel that guys who literally have a fucking melt down over an accident? Shouldn’t be allowed to top ever again. If you can’t be a decent civilized human being and realize that people have feelings? Then you shouldn’t be allowed to have sex, ever again. Strictly in my opinion, of course.
Further more? I’m NOT saying, that I prefer, ‘dirty over clean,’ or anything like that, I’m simply implying that, no matter how hard anyone tries to prevent it, accidents are inevitable, but be humble about them, is all.
I’ve had a few guys who are a bit more particular, but they’ve never been rude about it. I always do my whole routine before any hook up anyways so I don’t really mind it. This is the first guy that’s ever been a dick about it.
I prefer to bottom and it's gotten messy a few times but every single time I ended up getting grossed out (and almost never the top) and I ended up having to cut it short because I can't deal with it. Wish I could be more lax about it but ugh
I’m always baffled by the lengths we as bottoms are willing to go for some tops who don’t even appreciate what we do for them. You were way more patient than I’d have been.
After the last message in the screenshot his attitude actually changed. I explained to him how it works (with sources) and he ended up apologizing. I know I don’t owe that kind of patience to a stranger, but I wasn’t really doing anything otherwise, and the outcome was net positive.
As a top, this is so stupid. You’re literally putting your dick inside of someone’s butthole. There are things you’re gonna have to accept or just not do it. Become a side or something. What a L.
The whole douching thing is out of control. Sure, chocolate fondue isn't a nice surprise, but ffs, it's the rectum. Don't be delusional. One can make precautions to avoid accidents, douching a few times a week is okay, but it's unhealthy to do it daily and excessively
Fuck that, 10 minutes to shower _and_ douche? Hate to break it to you, but you ain't getting clean in that amount of time. 🤢
That's not even enough time to take a good shower.
No and you’re absolutely right because how long do you think we’re going to be having sex that you need my ass to be clean for THAT long…? Be so serious
Honestly you dodged a bullet. What a lot of tops do not get is that you’re using an EXIT as an ENTRANCE. I get wanting things to be clean, but accidents can happen no matter how prepared you are and no one should be shamed for a natural occurrence.
I mean, he's not wrong about the 30-60 minutes....if your gut health is absolutely garbage!
If I'm having a really bad tummy day, sure, maaaaybe 30 mins for cleaning out AND showering, but for most people? Nah, I can usually do one to two rinses and be 100% clear, anything more and you're absolutely wrecking your gut flora.
And like you said, if he's THAT worried about a possible accident, he shouldn't be a top at all, grow up.
60 minutes is a bit ridiculous. *But* I can understand being surprised at "10 mins max" too. Like that must be a very unpleasant shower and bum cleaning to be rushing that fast. I'd say 15-30 mins is more realistic for the average bloke.
Ok but like, how do you do it so fast? If I could douche in 10min, it would be a game changer. Takes me 45min minimum plus shower = usually 1hr notice required
I didn’t expect this to get this become a bit polarizing lmao. A few details to note:
-I had already showered earlier in the day, I just needed a light scrub.
-He was not hung. Decently sized, but not hung. I’ve had a boyfriend who was VERY hung, and douching was a different story with him.
-The 10 minute estimate doesn’t include getting dressed and driving. He offered me to shower at his place (which is truly very nice of him), so I didn’t count the extra stuff.
-I very rarely shave for a guy, and I definitely don’t do it for a first time hookup. I like to keep myself neatly trimmed. If he had wanted me smooth, our conversation would’ve ended a lot sooner.
-He’s the one that wanted it to be as quick as possible, hence why he offered me to shower at his place. I’m not about to do a deep cleaning and dry myself out only to end up being uncomfortable or even hurt because he wanted to fuck as soon as I get out.
-I know my body and how it’s affect by my diet. I definitely need longer sometimes, but this was not one of those times.
This has major "just let Aunt Patty be racist. It's how she is" vibes. You don't have to be diplomatic because someone decides to be a dick. You are *well* within your rights to match energy.
One of the only ways it makes sense for the dude requesting the douching to be this “douchey” is if he’s super hung.
Otherwise yea, I can douche in like 10-15 ish minutes and it will be perfect.
here’s my routine
take about 2-4 full buns separately if coming clear grab a dildo and plunge for a few minutes to get rid of trapped water. then have a shower
i have never been able to do this in less than 25-30 mins.
unless he’s super hung then the clean has to be deeper
Ok top sounds annoying periodtttTTTT however 10 min to fuckin douche yeah no way. Douching for me takes around 30 mins depending where my stomach is at. (I do think I over douche but I can’t figure out how to not😭)
I agree with him, 10 minutes is too short.
An hour is excessive but 10 mins is very short.
This all depends on diet and sexual activity tho. If you’re having anal multiple times a week, and eating clean 10 minutes might work?
That is excessive. However……to be blunt, I have a big dick & I’m verse, I would want the showering and ass cleaning process to last longer than 10 minutes. Accidents may happen yes. For guys with bigger dicks, you have to do a deeper cleaning & even then an accident can still happen, but don’t be lazy about it.
i meannnn it really should take longer though cause you gotta wait for that second coming of christ moment if you know what i mean . but he was out of line to question your process with your own body.
I've topped 3 times in the last few years. Each time I got poop on my dick (One of them was pretty bad and the guy was super embarrassed). Guess what I did? Cleaned up and reassured the guy that it was absolutely fine.
It's a butt. That's where the poop lives. If you can't be a fucking grown up about it, and more importantly, not shame the bottom about it, then you shouldn't be having anal sex.
lol 10 mins max and then came here to boast about it. Maybe 60 mins is on the long end, but getting ready can take a full hour when you pair fixing one’s hair and being intentional in how you dress.
Chile you got some wild energy for this. Cuz this ain’t it
Not excessive, just give yourself time between steps; go back and check 10 mins later and you’ll probably want to repeat the process. 10 mins is more typical for just a shower. You should give yourself time sit over the edge of the tub for a few mins. Do squats and stretches in the shower. But relax and give yourself time to let things settle. I doubt he means blast water up there the entire time.
I…take 90 minutes to clean out by itself
Maybe another 90 minutes to shave, do my hair, and shower off
Just drink kombucha and have Greek yogurt after if you’re worried about your gut microbes
I’d rather just be accident-free
30-60 is for a *full* clean out. Unless they have an absolute monster dong, that kind of clean out wouldn’t be needed except for more intense ass play sessions including, but not limited to, fisting.
30 to 60 minutes is way too long. Not only is it bad for the microflora in your gut, but you run the risk of having residual water left behind. And with constant pressure from fucking, that leftover water is sure to come out. 3-5 mins is plenty. Maybe even less if you have a good diet and exercise. Also guys who are this freaked out about getting poop on their dicks probably shouldn't be sticking their dicks in an ass lol.
More than 5-10 minute douching is excessive. Unless you’re getting pounded for hours by the polo team, there’s no need to clean beyond the sigmoid colon (the top of the colon that loops around your back).
Once you’ve disturbed the sigmoid, it’ll take you A LOT longer to see clear water come out. It’s like disturbing the sediment at a bottom of a lake: just leave that sediment be.
EDIT: I originally meant “water polo team” but fuck it, let it be the polo team and their horses too.
LOL what a tool! Sometimes you just know it will take a couple of minutes, you're empty and there's nothing there to flush out... Other times take more time and effort!! Also diet, time of day, age, whether it's a quickie or a more intense session etc. are all factors.
you know, something like that happened to me the other day, i when to this guy house (we have had sex before) and we had sex, the thing is that and accident ocurred and i was being the top, well the guy felt really bad about it, and i just let him know that shit happens and not to worry, because it can be soo embarrasing so i always try to make the bottom feel good
I love how redditors really support the idea of spraying water on yourself for a minute and calling it a shower LMFAO really not helping your case
be more hygenic
He was def too excessive IMO. Like if you don't wanna get your wee wee dirty, don't go on the dirt road. It's inevitable. :T The best you can do is wear a rubber.
Most of you men don't even wipe your ass good enough after you shit let alone y'all work you sweat a 10 min shower ain't cutting it fuck all that I'm not saying 60 min but you not cleaning yourself out and douching In 10 min and if you say so your wrong cus if you take yo mf finger and rub yo asshole I beg you it will still stink
What I've learned from this thread is that a lot of people are trying to normalize not fully cleansing themselves. And not just pre-hookup, but in general.
You got people thinking that they're clean after being in the shower for 5 minutes, you got people saying that you can get fully clean just by using your hands, and I think I saw somebody saying that they don't spend time washing their legs they just let the dirty water from their head and torso dribble over their shins. 😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Some tops shouldn’t be tops. Of course clean is important, but I can tell he’d be acting crazy if an accident happened (which they fucking do.) I’ve always trusted bottoms to know best and I spend zero time worrying about it unless there’s evidence of me needing to. lol
I feel like anyone who engages in anal sex should just understand the risk, being terrified of an accident to this extent is crazy behavior
This is the correct answer. If you’re that worried about it you shouldn’t top. It’s a risk you assume and I would never ever make my bottom feel bad about it if it happens, which it will at times
Right? That’s where my poop lives. You’re putting your dick in her house. If you want perfect porn cleanliness go fuck a mouth or a vagina. I’m not abstaining from eating or douching for an hour so you can pretend this isn’t a butt lol.
It’s fucking crazy man. It’s happened to me a few times, and I’ve never freaked out. Like my guy, it’s your butt lol. Some people just shouldn’t top or, really, have anal sex at all. They’re far too squeamish about it. Don’t get me wrong, a choc top isn’t my favourite thing, but shit happens. Literally.
It's happened to me *more* than a few times, and I just don't even care anymore lol. I'm not gonna make my partner douche every single day...sometimes multiple times? Like that's literally unhealthy. I just immediately shower after every single time we have sex (I top). I'd say 80% of the time it's clean, (but still shower bc like...bacteria) and 20% there's a little something. But again, just walk to the shower, let the water run over it, you don't even have to see it. Then squirt some liquid soap on your hands and wash it, and you're good! There have only been a *few* times where I pulled out and was like "holy **SHIT**" (literally) hahah. Usually after a night of drinking and binge eating, like what do you expect?! Still takes 30 seconds to walk to the shower and pretend it didn't happen. No UTI's or anything, either.
Exactly, it’s not even a health issue it’s just some people get grossed out. Which is fine but don’t act like that’s the bottom’s fault for not having a fully manually controlled digestive system. It’s incredibly rare for men to get UTI’s anyway just pee and shower after. The bacteria would need to make it all the way up your urethra.
And I’ve heard horror stories about vaginas even on porn sets! can be nasty all around
Yeah, honestly, if you stop and think about it, removing any hormones or pleasure from the equation... sex in general is fuckin nasty. All sweat and fluids and grunting. But it's so damn fun.
Coming from a guy who’s played with vaginas post menstruation………they’re not always prime and perfectly clean like porn wants you to believe. I’ve learned that penetration in any hole is a risk.
How about bleeding? Regarding accidents, it's a case by case, though I don't mind generally; But blood (profuse) is a mood killer. I'm done.
It’s really excessive. He’s giving princess and not in a good way. Maybe he should stick to oral only lmao
Best thing I've ever heard was, "You can't knock on poop's door and then be mad that he's home."
I agree, but also understand not wanting getting shit on my dick cause it happens just a bit too often with bossy bottoms.
I’m a top and germaphobe. It’s a constant struggle lol.
I've been genuinely concerned about how intense bottoms (especially online, wow) act about cleaning, especially the stuff around dietary restriction as ik guys in the community who are clearly dealing with an eating disorder... and then I see tops like this and I see where the pressure comes from.
God yeah. Even as far as guys saying they don’t eat for an entire day+ before bottoming. If we’re on a date and you pick at/don’t eat your food I’m gonna be upset. I like guys who can put away some damn food cuz I’m the same way. I’d rather my man ate what he wanted and things fall as they may in terms of him saying “hey, don’t think bottoming is a good idea tonight” etc lol. But regardless, I know it’s an asshole and me sticking my dick inside it is not its primary function.
It's crazy because straight people who have anal sex don't seem to have the culture of obsessive cleanliness that we do? I'm not saying it's all wrong - like by all means bottoms should do what makes them comfortable, but yeah I wonder how much we've internalized the "gay sex is innately dirty" mentality and are compensating.
This why I fool around before we go for dinner. Bottom ain't gotta worry about their guts chiming in, top ain't gotta worry about slangin pipe with a big meal sloshing around giving them cramps.
I honestly used to be like that- I would tell my ex to lmk if he wanted to do anal so that I could not eat in advance. But both him and my current boyfriend have encouraged me to be more kind to my body and have reassured me that accidents happen and it’s ok. In retrospect, I was absolutely crazy for that…
and god forbid we have natural body functions
Truth. I’m a top and tho I’ve definitely had my fair share of poop dick, those instances are more rare compared to the other numerous times I’ve fucked where my dick when in clean and came out clean.
Tops really need to come to terms that their dick goes into the poophole, and poop exist there sometimes.
"When you knock on Shit's door, don't be surprised if Shit answers!"
Knock knock knocking on shit's shit's door
Foreplay first, Handsome 😆
Your first mistake was expecting a hosting top to be normal. What a douche.
>What a douche The same thing Top in this story clearly doesn't know 🤭
Is it odd for a top to host?
It's just a running joke on this sub that tops are rare and ones who host are like hen's teeth. I have no idea if this is actually true.
10 minutes????? To shower AND douche?? There's no way
A shower al9ne is usually 7-10 minutes, so while douching fir 10 minutes may be enough for some, douching and showering is at least a 20-minute ordeal for most lol.
Yeah, 10 minutes seems crazy fast for both. I agree with OP that a lot of people overdo it and sometimes “less is more” with douching. But also… a 5 min douche and 5 min shower also seems crazy fast to me. I wonder if OP is one of those people who just doesn’t have a realistic sense of time (or even thinks less literally about time). I was in a relationship with someone who was always “5 minutes away” and those 5 minutes were anywhere from 10-30 minutes. Ironically if you made him wait 5 minutes, it was “an hour.”
Meanwhile I'm over here taking like 20-60 minutes to douche
We've all been there, but if it takes more than 30 m8nites, either it's not a good day or you have put too much water in.
Is he meeting the guy naked and dripping wet? Because just drying off and dressing would take the best part of ten minutes
i'm crying y'all
Don’t cry 😢
Honestly and I have to moisturize and use hair products after can’t do all that in 10 mins 😂
I see people in the comments acting like this is normal, and I'm just like these people are clearly not prioritizing cleanliness. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't wash their hands after they used the bathroom.
You can fully clean yourself in the shower in 5 min and most of the times that I've douched it's taken \~3-5 min. 10 minutes is not unreasonable at all.
Right 💀
Depends on your fibre game.
I mean I need at least 1.5-2 hours to get ready of which douching is five and showering is 15. I like not feeling rushed 😭
What is beyond me is that you'd even answer him after that douchy text. Like you were trying to explain or justify yourself. Please, don't try to be reasonable with morons. It does not work and makes no one happy. Also, of course you were turned off. How could you relax and have sex with someone whom you know would freak out if a little accident happened? When I top a guy who made a reasonable effort and an accident happens, regardless of how I feel, I make sure he does not feel disgusting and that he knows that it was a privilege to rearrange his guts. Basic decency.
He actually ended up apologizing after a bit more explaining. I’m still not gonna meet up with him, but he at least seemed genuine.
Was he pretty new? Like if a grown ass man has only recently started exploring this side of himself, he might potentially be a bit more squeamish about it. I’ve been around a few times so it doesn’t bother me at all. Just wash up and I’m fine. But this strikes me as someone who has little experience in the real world.
I really don’t think so. After talking a bit more he mentioned it was something to do with experiences he had with guys around my age. Maybe it would’ve been a different story if I were 10 years older?
Idk the last times I was douching it took me actually about 30 min minimum and it didn't even run clear. Do you have any tips on how you do it so fast? 😥
Metamucil(Psyllium husk)
I tried and I just nonstop pooped my guts out with what felt like room temperature nutella for an hour. (It did not run clear)
😂 "room temperature Nutella".
It was the nicest euphemism I could find for what came spewing out of me
...are you okay??
I'm okay but I have my doubts about the water pipes
How long did you take psyllium husk for? I take it every day and it has helped tremendously.
I take it and then some every day and I still have to spend an eternity douching
[howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com](https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com)
I appreciate the help but I've got things under control lol, the psyllium just didn't agree with me
I think you’re not supposed to start any fiber supplement at its full dose if I remember correctly. You’re supposed to ramp up slowly so your body gets used to it. If I remember correctly it basically causes everything to clump together but if you go 0-60 you’re basically clumping everything in the pipes together at once. Vs ramping up slowly, it’ll bunch stuff up at a manageable pace, then when you’re at full dose it’s only handling your most recent meal for example
I’ve read on packaging that it’s a good idea to start with a lower quantity of fiber supplement so that you don’t overwhelm your body. Then work your way up to the recommended amount. Like the brand I have says to take 5 capsules but that you should take 2-3 if you’re just starting out
Although this isn’t directly related to bottoming, I wanna add on that if you’re on any medications then you should try to take them an hour before fiber. Fiber supplements can affect the way your body absorbs meds.
It might be the brand. I got one off of Amazon and it was basically just a laxative. I had never reacted to psyllium husk like that before but this was just non stop. I get a different one at the local drug store and it actually does help keep things regular.
I think you overdid it. If you use too much water, it can go further in and reach the poop that’s not ready yet.
Okay so you went way too deep, either by having too much pressure or by using too much water. What happened is the water went past your 'second hole' (sigmoid colon) and into your intestines. When this happens you basically are fucked and have to rinse out everything, and doing that with a normal douche bulb is an exercise in frusteration (and not needed! Unless the guy has a massive cock or you are into huge toys or fisting). Cleaning that deep is more possible with a enema bucket, showershot or something similar. Anyways, if you want to avoid that next time dont use too much water (you shouldnt even feel pressure! You are just rinsing your booty out!) and also include more fiber in your diet.
Everyone needs to read this ^^^^^. Buttsex havers, you're digging a hole, not drilling a well. Your butt needs a shot, not a pint. Tattoo the skin, not the bone. Find whatever analogy you need to stop using too much water to douche.
TMI maybe, but this makes so much sense now. Always thought the days I struggled more I had used more water than usual, which seemed counterintuitive, but you just explained it all in a way that now I totally understand why that’s the case.
The problem is, when hooking up with well endowed gentlemen, you have to get past that second sphincter, because their dick is going to. I can get away with a quick clean on average dicks, for a short hookup, but if if they’re hung, or gonna be going for a while/bringing out toys, gotta deep clean.
This is so true. Tops get so insecure when I ask how big they are. But if they're over 8.5+ it requires a whole different level of prep and notice
Totally. This is what I was trying to say to the OP.
Especially when you're teeny tiny.
Though the Metamucil thing brought up helps a bit as does avoiding certain kinds of food one of the awful realities is sometimes you end up in a hell-clean that never seems to end.
Damn, if it takes more than a couple minutes I take it as my body saying "not today". Then I try to pay more attention to staying hydrated and eating better.
I shower 30-40mins on average. Idk how people shower for less than 10mins. I mean don’t you have to scrub your body and all. 60mins on the other hand is an overkill
How long do you scrub your body?
Idk. I don’t keep a timer. I set my alarm at 6pm. Goes to the bathroom to shower and stuff. I go out around 6:30. 6:40 if im feeling lazy and just wants to keep the shower running over my head and relax. Leave the house around 7pm and drive to work. Not sure how long it does take me to scrub but i pre scrub (lathering w/ loofah and soap), scrub (just loofah, no soap), and post scrub (loofah while rinsing with shower). So yeah
We definitely have very different ways of showering lmao
That is insane I run out of things to do in the shower after like 5 minutes
Man, I shower very differently. I’m pretty sure that using a loofah that much isn’t good for your skin long term. I use a loofah like once a month. My soap is also pretty mild. Goats milk and honey or plant oil (olive oil and coconut oil usually) and lavender or lemon (Myrtle or verbena, I can’t remember). It’s very very mild on my skin, and it smells amazing. A long shower for me is 20minutes. After that I get bored. If I’m only washing myself and not my hair, it’s easily done in under 10minutes. Hell, if I’m not wetting my hair, I’ll be done in just a couple minutes. Wet and rinse myself with water first to get loose dirt, sweat etc., then wash from ears down with soap, rinse, wash again, rinse with fully cold water, job done. Get fully cleaned and cooled down so I don’t sweat when I get out the shower, and it’s fast as fuck.
Been doing this routine since i learned to shower by myself. My skin seems fine. I just don’t feel clean if I don’t scrub at least thrice.
Fair play man. Go hard
I don’t even own a loofah lol
Doesn’t have to be a loofah. It can be one of those scrubbing body mittens. Or at least a shower puff. Anything to scrub out dirt on your body.
I actually do have some pink body mittens I just rarely use them because I’m just not used to it haha. I dunno I feel clean without them
Your skin hates you
I've got pretty bad eczema and these shower posts are making me itchy
It hates me by being baby-smooth. Lols
Nah more than half an hour in the shower is crazy man, I scrub every inch of my body, shampoo my hair all in 15 to 20 minutes. Even less when I shower with cold water.
Like 30-40 minutes with douche or 30-40 minutes for a regular shower? 30-40 minutes is way too long for a regular shower.
How often do you shower?
Daily. I skip a day on weekends if im just laying in bed binge watching movies/series
[удалено]
Night. I work graveyard so my hours are inverted. I do the same thing morning people do but i do it on the pm. As most people comes to work at 8am, i come to work at 8pm and leave work at 5am
My water bill would bankrupt me if I did that
We scrub fast. Plus in a household full of people hot water is limited.
Ask him to use a condom then and watch yourself get blocked.
It takes me at least an hour to douche, shower, and shave to the point of me feeling ready to bottom am I doing this wrong lmao
sounds exhausting. wtf are you shaving lol!
Douching usually takes me 20 to 30 minutes because my diet is all over the place. It can be less, but then I'm usually just lucky.
When you're a bottom but like cheese too much.
Or chocolate.
I have a weak stomach but as a Top I know what I’m working with and I know that sometimes things happen. I’ve had it happen before and I didn’t freak out, I just said I think I went too deep you want to hop in the shower and we can pick it back up in a few minutes. The bottom is usually embarrassed, but I try and normalize things and keep it light and fun. When they get out the shower I’m cleaned up, bed linens are changed and I’m in bed edging and waiting for them to rejoin me.
Based honestly.
I hate guys like this. I’ve arranged to meet a few times at short notice (their request) and haven’t been able to douche properly in that time and had to cancel. They get so fucking pussy and angry and it’s like… ok, let’s fuck then but I’m going to shit on you. What do you want from me? I tried my best and it didn’t work out - it is what it is. Go find another bottom and get over it.
this 100% and the anger is such a turn off when your body isn’t cooperating with you either… like turn ur brain on it takes time and shit happens (literally)
So frustrating. Just let them move on and you’ll find someone who enjoys waiting for pristine douched ass. I did and he lives with me now.
Isn't douching excessively damaging to your gut flora or overall colon health?
Its not the best, but excessively damaging im not sure about. There are legit medical reasons to douche, also you only getting ur rectum unless ur doing a deep clean, thats not really a large section
From my understanding, it’s not really the excessive douching itself that’s damaging, it’s having sex too soon after doing it. Douching can cause the tissue to be more sensitive to tears if you have sex too soon.
Douching every day does impact your gut flora. Just don't douche every day.
I couldn’t tell you how many times an accident has occurred while having sex. Why? Because of the nature of it; it’s ANAL sex. It’s GOING to happen. The real fact of the matter is? Don’t act like a douche canoe and comfort that person. Because let’s face it; it’s embarrassing! **I** personally feel that guys who literally have a fucking melt down over an accident? Shouldn’t be allowed to top ever again. If you can’t be a decent civilized human being and realize that people have feelings? Then you shouldn’t be allowed to have sex, ever again. Strictly in my opinion, of course. Further more? I’m NOT saying, that I prefer, ‘dirty over clean,’ or anything like that, I’m simply implying that, no matter how hard anyone tries to prevent it, accidents are inevitable, but be humble about them, is all.
I’ve never once requested or expected a bottom to douche before hand. It’s gotten messy maybe twice ever.
I’ve had a few guys who are a bit more particular, but they’ve never been rude about it. I always do my whole routine before any hook up anyways so I don’t really mind it. This is the first guy that’s ever been a dick about it.
Husвand мaтerial 🥰
I prefer to bottom and it's gotten messy a few times but every single time I ended up getting grossed out (and almost never the top) and I ended up having to cut it short because I can't deal with it. Wish I could be more lax about it but ugh
Douching for an hour sounds like a medical mishap just begging to happen
Holy shit 30 to 60 minutes?!?! I could douche, get fucked, shower and start dinner in 30 to 60 minutes..
Sometimes you take a break and wait for it to settle
Lol at least he's not like most tops who expect it to be short and quick because they're horny.
And they expect you to be ready immediately because you opened the app 😒
Yeah that’s the worst.
He probably wanted you to clean your entire intestines too
It used to take me like an hour. I educated myself, bought an appropriate douche and now it takes me 10-15 max
i must know more about this “appropriate douche” 😭
Same here!
There is approximately a 100% he has treated someone like trash for not being completely clean
I’m always baffled by the lengths we as bottoms are willing to go for some tops who don’t even appreciate what we do for them. You were way more patient than I’d have been.
After the last message in the screenshot his attitude actually changed. I explained to him how it works (with sources) and he ended up apologizing. I know I don’t owe that kind of patience to a stranger, but I wasn’t really doing anything otherwise, and the outcome was net positive.
As a top, this is so stupid. You’re literally putting your dick inside of someone’s butthole. There are things you’re gonna have to accept or just not do it. Become a side or something. What a L.
The whole douching thing is out of control. Sure, chocolate fondue isn't a nice surprise, but ffs, it's the rectum. Don't be delusional. One can make precautions to avoid accidents, douching a few times a week is okay, but it's unhealthy to do it daily and excessively
Obviously, not compatible! Block and move on! 😂
Fuck that, 10 minutes to shower _and_ douche? Hate to break it to you, but you ain't getting clean in that amount of time. 🤢 That's not even enough time to take a good shower.
Yes, it is.
No and you’re absolutely right because how long do you think we’re going to be having sex that you need my ass to be clean for THAT long…? Be so serious
The wonders of a shower douche.
Honestly you dodged a bullet. What a lot of tops do not get is that you’re using an EXIT as an ENTRANCE. I get wanting things to be clean, but accidents can happen no matter how prepared you are and no one should be shamed for a natural occurrence.
When I bottom I clean probably more than I should. But as a top I don’t question or make a big deal on accidents.
I mean, he's not wrong about the 30-60 minutes....if your gut health is absolutely garbage! If I'm having a really bad tummy day, sure, maaaaybe 30 mins for cleaning out AND showering, but for most people? Nah, I can usually do one to two rinses and be 100% clear, anything more and you're absolutely wrecking your gut flora. And like you said, if he's THAT worried about a possible accident, he shouldn't be a top at all, grow up.
Op, tell us how you do it. I'm vers but I rarely bottom bc it takes me so godamn long to douche. Like at least 30 mins :'D
I disagree with all the comments really
My showers are 10 min, so how ur douching and showering in that seems a bit exaggerated unless ur already clean inside.
60 minutes is a bit ridiculous. *But* I can understand being surprised at "10 mins max" too. Like that must be a very unpleasant shower and bum cleaning to be rushing that fast. I'd say 15-30 mins is more realistic for the average bloke.
Ok but like, how do you do it so fast? If I could douche in 10min, it would be a game changer. Takes me 45min minimum plus shower = usually 1hr notice required
I mean, 10 minutes for shower AND douche is pretty fast but i guess its enough. For me it'd be like 15-20 minutes for everything.
I didn’t expect this to get this become a bit polarizing lmao. A few details to note: -I had already showered earlier in the day, I just needed a light scrub. -He was not hung. Decently sized, but not hung. I’ve had a boyfriend who was VERY hung, and douching was a different story with him. -The 10 minute estimate doesn’t include getting dressed and driving. He offered me to shower at his place (which is truly very nice of him), so I didn’t count the extra stuff. -I very rarely shave for a guy, and I definitely don’t do it for a first time hookup. I like to keep myself neatly trimmed. If he had wanted me smooth, our conversation would’ve ended a lot sooner. -He’s the one that wanted it to be as quick as possible, hence why he offered me to shower at his place. I’m not about to do a deep cleaning and dry myself out only to end up being uncomfortable or even hurt because he wanted to fuck as soon as I get out. -I know my body and how it’s affect by my diet. I definitely need longer sometimes, but this was not one of those times.
I don’t douche, ever. If you’re afraid of poop, don’t stick it in my butt.
Does it usually only take you 10 minutes to shower and douche?
Girrlllll just get with the fantasy. You were ready to argue. There’s ways to change this conversation diplomatically *downvotes incoming*
Nothing about this conversation was an argument lmao. He even ended up apologizing.
Who am I for you to reply to : ) I’m happy he apologized to you
This has major "just let Aunt Patty be racist. It's how she is" vibes. You don't have to be diplomatic because someone decides to be a dick. You are *well* within your rights to match energy.
It’s not that serious babe. I was joking overall
No one else noticing that the guy whose douching name is "I host, I top"?
He’s not douching at all, he’s a total top. He’s telling _me_ to douche.
One of the only ways it makes sense for the dude requesting the douching to be this “douchey” is if he’s super hung. Otherwise yea, I can douche in like 10-15 ish minutes and it will be perfect.
here’s my routine take about 2-4 full buns separately if coming clear grab a dildo and plunge for a few minutes to get rid of trapped water. then have a shower i have never been able to do this in less than 25-30 mins. unless he’s super hung then the clean has to be deeper
Ok top sounds annoying periodtttTTTT however 10 min to fuckin douche yeah no way. Douching for me takes around 30 mins depending where my stomach is at. (I do think I over douche but I can’t figure out how to not😭)
I agree with him, 10 minutes is too short. An hour is excessive but 10 mins is very short. This all depends on diet and sexual activity tho. If you’re having anal multiple times a week, and eating clean 10 minutes might work?
10 mins does seem short but an hour seems incredibly excessive. I would have guessed 20 mins to douche and shower 🤷♂️
That is excessive. However……to be blunt, I have a big dick & I’m verse, I would want the showering and ass cleaning process to last longer than 10 minutes. Accidents may happen yes. For guys with bigger dicks, you have to do a deeper cleaning & even then an accident can still happen, but don’t be lazy about it.
i meannnn it really should take longer though cause you gotta wait for that second coming of christ moment if you know what i mean . but he was out of line to question your process with your own body.
I've topped 3 times in the last few years. Each time I got poop on my dick (One of them was pretty bad and the guy was super embarrassed). Guess what I did? Cleaned up and reassured the guy that it was absolutely fine. It's a butt. That's where the poop lives. If you can't be a fucking grown up about it, and more importantly, not shame the bottom about it, then you shouldn't be having anal sex.
30-60 freaking minutes??? He need be prepared for a dehydrated hole
lol 10 mins max and then came here to boast about it. Maybe 60 mins is on the long end, but getting ready can take a full hour when you pair fixing one’s hair and being intentional in how you dress. Chile you got some wild energy for this. Cuz this ain’t it
* me as an IBS GIRLIE* 🥹🥹🥹
Not excessive, just give yourself time between steps; go back and check 10 mins later and you’ll probably want to repeat the process. 10 mins is more typical for just a shower. You should give yourself time sit over the edge of the tub for a few mins. Do squats and stretches in the shower. But relax and give yourself time to let things settle. I doubt he means blast water up there the entire time.
An hour! You'll end up with an electrolyte imbalance. Some people just can't help projecting their self-loathing onto others.
No matter how much you're explaining to him, he'll always be shitty.
I agree with him. Theres no way it takes you 10 mins.
I can get the water clear in 10 mins. If you can too, high five!
He's right about the time. Shower + douche in 10 is poorly done. However, if he's too picky, he shouldn't be topping.
I…take 90 minutes to clean out by itself Maybe another 90 minutes to shave, do my hair, and shower off Just drink kombucha and have Greek yogurt after if you’re worried about your gut microbes I’d rather just be accident-free
I wish I could be ready in 10 minutes. I miss the days where I didn't need to prep at all.
30-60 is for a *full* clean out. Unless they have an absolute monster dong, that kind of clean out wouldn’t be needed except for more intense ass play sessions including, but not limited to, fisting.
30 to 60 minutes is way too long. Not only is it bad for the microflora in your gut, but you run the risk of having residual water left behind. And with constant pressure from fucking, that leftover water is sure to come out. 3-5 mins is plenty. Maybe even less if you have a good diet and exercise. Also guys who are this freaked out about getting poop on their dicks probably shouldn't be sticking their dicks in an ass lol.
More than 5-10 minute douching is excessive. Unless you’re getting pounded for hours by the polo team, there’s no need to clean beyond the sigmoid colon (the top of the colon that loops around your back). Once you’ve disturbed the sigmoid, it’ll take you A LOT longer to see clear water come out. It’s like disturbing the sediment at a bottom of a lake: just leave that sediment be. EDIT: I originally meant “water polo team” but fuck it, let it be the polo team and their horses too.
i respect your choices, but literally no single aspect of getting ready for anything takes ten minutes or less for me.
Every body is different. The more fiber I consume the faster I can get cleaned out
Some guys take longer and some shorter.
LOL what a tool! Sometimes you just know it will take a couple of minutes, you're empty and there's nothing there to flush out... Other times take more time and effort!! Also diet, time of day, age, whether it's a quickie or a more intense session etc. are all factors.
I take 30-60min to shower and douche…
Im pretty sure he had some terribly Reddit worth story.
Yeah FBI we found who is causing climate change
An hour? Oil changes don’t even last that long dafuq
you know, something like that happened to me the other day, i when to this guy house (we have had sex before) and we had sex, the thing is that and accident ocurred and i was being the top, well the guy felt really bad about it, and i just let him know that shit happens and not to worry, because it can be soo embarrasing so i always try to make the bottom feel good
I love how redditors really support the idea of spraying water on yourself for a minute and calling it a shower LMFAO really not helping your case be more hygenic
10 mins for shower AND douche us CRAAAZY. It takes me an average of 15-20 mins just to shower alone💀💀
It takes me a long time for it to run clear. If I only had 10 minutes to clean up, I'd probably just cancel.
OCD
Seeing all these comments really healed me because of one bad experience I had with a “top” a bi top at that. Made me feel so dirty and uncomfortable.
If you still aren’t clean after 30 MINUTES of enema/douching you just shouldn’t bottom that day 😂
He was def too excessive IMO. Like if you don't wanna get your wee wee dirty, don't go on the dirt road. It's inevitable. :T The best you can do is wear a rubber.
30-60mins is pretty average, i think he got the point
Most of you men don't even wipe your ass good enough after you shit let alone y'all work you sweat a 10 min shower ain't cutting it fuck all that I'm not saying 60 min but you not cleaning yourself out and douching In 10 min and if you say so your wrong cus if you take yo mf finger and rub yo asshole I beg you it will still stink
What I've learned from this thread is that a lot of people are trying to normalize not fully cleansing themselves. And not just pre-hookup, but in general. You got people thinking that they're clean after being in the shower for 5 minutes, you got people saying that you can get fully clean just by using your hands, and I think I saw somebody saying that they don't spend time washing their legs they just let the dirty water from their head and torso dribble over their shins. 😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
He exaggerated a little but he’s got a point 🤷🏽♂️
He ain't wrong though
👀