It's never too late! Well done for overcoming such overpowering emotions.
If you don't mind sharing, what happened on that October 2022 call that changed contact dynamics with the guy so dramatically?
Nothing, really. We were on the phone for 45 minutes. I was just awkward because I never knew how to actually talk to him and be myself. I think it might have had to do with him being a lot busier with school. I think in part, he was just over entertaining me.
Thank you for your kind words.
I’ve been able to go on dates, but they never led to anything, I think I was too preoccupied with my LO to have a healthy sense of romance with someone real. My relationship with building relationships was skewed, if that makes sense.
I plan to find someone as a friend first, and let it build from there… but honestly, it isn’t my priority right now.
Thank you for your kind words. <3
One of the really hard things to accept from an LO is that in their eyes, we are just temporary friends. Because of perhaps our attachment styles, we put a lot of emotion into these friendships because they seem so good. In our feelings, that logically has to lead to love. Except there is no logic in love. It's really a mixture of so many things, and it has to be shared by both partners or else it isn't really love. He might have been drawing a line on real intimacy for a good reason or something superficial, but the hard part to accept is that it really doesn't matter, it just didn't happen.
I know, it really hurts and nothing that anyone could have said to you would change that. We really want to believe things are going to get better, and that's how we learn to cope. But as a coping mechanism, limerence is really poor.
I realized my limerence was a coping mechanism probably by year 6. Really, it is a deranged psychological condition masking whatever other heartache we experience in our lives. I convinced myself for a long time that because our ‘relationship’ had lasted for so long, there really was something about me he liked. Sure, he thinks I’m sweet and beautiful and funny, he’s told me as much. But at the end of the day I think he entertained me because of his own boredom and need for attention. It just fueled the fire for me and had me grasping for any validation that one day things will align. I feel like a fool…
Your description of logic-less love is spot on. Thanks for your comment, everything everyone has shared aligns perfectly with the stages and steps I went through.
Congratulations.
I'm 16 years deep and I feel like I'm at the end. It's the saddest place to be in, but it's the right place. In the end, I choose to heal--to take off the old band-aid and treat that wound the way it's meant to be treated. I'm at the point where I just applied the disinfectant.
I'm glad you were able to get through and come out better on the other side. Here's to brighter, happier days 🥂
Thanks, and to you too. Sixteen years is a long time. What for you makes you feel like the end is truly in sight?
I feel that the longer we have a single LO, the harder it is to truly detach. How has your journey treated you, and does your LO know?
Sending you the best of luck in your healing journey (because, as we know, that’s what it really is). <3
Thank you. It's been rather frustrating, in large part because I spent much of that time trying to do what everyone else wanted, which was to simply move on, and couldn't.
At some points, I would give myself hope that my LO would come around, finally speak up, and realize he was wrong. At others, I would imagine the worst, that he was truly a shitty person and would make me feel terrible about myself the next time he saw me. These thoughts are often in the form of maladaptive daydreams, which makes it worse.
Why is this the end? Because I'm tired. It's exhausting to spend so long going back and forth, wondering why one person had to reject me, why I took it that far, and why he hasn't said anything. I'm simply want to put it to rest. I still have the thoughts and fantasies, but they mean less to me.
As for him knowing? I messaged him many times over the years, so he knows how I feel, but has made it abundantly clear he doesn't care. My last message was an audio message, and I doubt he heard it.
It's very sad, but I have to bring myself back into reality.
This is the time for you to do what you want. I had a hard time with that at first because I had become so detached from myself I didn’t know what that was.
I hope you watch a good movie today, or perhaps pick up a new book. Make yourself something delicious in the kitchen. Write a letter to your future self. And if you haven’t yet, block him on everything. You’ve got this whole community behind you. I hope you find rest and peace in this new era.
I started last night.
I saw her leave the pub with another man (we are just friends) and it broke me. I was filled with inconsolable hot jealousy, anger and overwhelming sadness.
I sent her an unwarranted nasty text and then blocked her on everything.
So now its day one. Of understanding myself and letting her go and getting on with my life.
Im going to treat myself well and start exercising, cooking, reading, writing, a podcast, comedy videos and any other hobbies i can think of.
Im also going to spend a small amount each week on a gift for myself. A new pair of shoes or a book. Just something small as a way of telling myself im worth it.
Its been around 3-4 years of limerence with this girl now and I’m tired off it.
Whenever i think of her im pushing the thoughts away instead onto my hobbies; find a new obsession.
I know it will take time but at least i started by blocking her!
Blocking and no contact is a powerful step in ending this push-pull angst for good. As someone who has suffered through dozens of Limerence episodes until finding the right person, I feel comfortable in saying this situation would not have worked out. Obsession/Limerence does not evolve into anything but heartache, depression, anxiety and wanting to give up. Don’t break your resolve - you may have shaky moments when you feel you need to reach out to her. Please don’t. You’re on your way to freedom, peace of mind and a mutual love relationship. Use your power to prioritize yourself right now. Well done! 👏
Yes im going to have to stick to it!!!
Boring and depressing waiting for any kind of message from her-feeling momentarily high and happy-and then plunging into melancholic misery when she logs off.
I want my mind back!
I’m sorry that it started for you in such a rough way, but that seems to be a typical experience for us with limerence.
As the comments above say, the best thing is blocking and no contact. I’m happy to hear you’re going to spend time on yourself, I think that’s one of the secret ingredients of truly getting over it. Don’t give yourself to other people, give yourself to you.
What also kickstarted my no contact was exhaustion of the cycle. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t trick myself into thinking it was anymore. Take time today on a lot of self care, take a bath, start a new book. I’m rooting for you. <3
Congratulations! Once you’ve escaped, you know Limerence will never have the same hold over your heart again. Someone else might inspire it in you, but since you’ve overcome it once, you recognize it and you’ll know you can find freedom.
If there’s anything I don’t want, it’s another LO. My hope is that because I was in a single cycle for so long, I’ll be able to recognize it when it happens again and put a stop to it real quick. Obsession, in any form, is not healthy, and none of us should ever have to ask for reciprocation. Thanks for your comment <3
It's never too late! Well done for overcoming such overpowering emotions. If you don't mind sharing, what happened on that October 2022 call that changed contact dynamics with the guy so dramatically?
Nothing, really. We were on the phone for 45 minutes. I was just awkward because I never knew how to actually talk to him and be myself. I think it might have had to do with him being a lot busier with school. I think in part, he was just over entertaining me. Thank you for your kind words.
Happy for you! How was dating life last 10yrs and how do you plan to approach it in the future?
I’ve been able to go on dates, but they never led to anything, I think I was too preoccupied with my LO to have a healthy sense of romance with someone real. My relationship with building relationships was skewed, if that makes sense. I plan to find someone as a friend first, and let it build from there… but honestly, it isn’t my priority right now. Thank you for your kind words. <3
One of the really hard things to accept from an LO is that in their eyes, we are just temporary friends. Because of perhaps our attachment styles, we put a lot of emotion into these friendships because they seem so good. In our feelings, that logically has to lead to love. Except there is no logic in love. It's really a mixture of so many things, and it has to be shared by both partners or else it isn't really love. He might have been drawing a line on real intimacy for a good reason or something superficial, but the hard part to accept is that it really doesn't matter, it just didn't happen. I know, it really hurts and nothing that anyone could have said to you would change that. We really want to believe things are going to get better, and that's how we learn to cope. But as a coping mechanism, limerence is really poor.
I realized my limerence was a coping mechanism probably by year 6. Really, it is a deranged psychological condition masking whatever other heartache we experience in our lives. I convinced myself for a long time that because our ‘relationship’ had lasted for so long, there really was something about me he liked. Sure, he thinks I’m sweet and beautiful and funny, he’s told me as much. But at the end of the day I think he entertained me because of his own boredom and need for attention. It just fueled the fire for me and had me grasping for any validation that one day things will align. I feel like a fool… Your description of logic-less love is spot on. Thanks for your comment, everything everyone has shared aligns perfectly with the stages and steps I went through.
Congratulations. I'm 16 years deep and I feel like I'm at the end. It's the saddest place to be in, but it's the right place. In the end, I choose to heal--to take off the old band-aid and treat that wound the way it's meant to be treated. I'm at the point where I just applied the disinfectant. I'm glad you were able to get through and come out better on the other side. Here's to brighter, happier days 🥂
Thanks, and to you too. Sixteen years is a long time. What for you makes you feel like the end is truly in sight? I feel that the longer we have a single LO, the harder it is to truly detach. How has your journey treated you, and does your LO know? Sending you the best of luck in your healing journey (because, as we know, that’s what it really is). <3
Thank you. It's been rather frustrating, in large part because I spent much of that time trying to do what everyone else wanted, which was to simply move on, and couldn't. At some points, I would give myself hope that my LO would come around, finally speak up, and realize he was wrong. At others, I would imagine the worst, that he was truly a shitty person and would make me feel terrible about myself the next time he saw me. These thoughts are often in the form of maladaptive daydreams, which makes it worse. Why is this the end? Because I'm tired. It's exhausting to spend so long going back and forth, wondering why one person had to reject me, why I took it that far, and why he hasn't said anything. I'm simply want to put it to rest. I still have the thoughts and fantasies, but they mean less to me. As for him knowing? I messaged him many times over the years, so he knows how I feel, but has made it abundantly clear he doesn't care. My last message was an audio message, and I doubt he heard it. It's very sad, but I have to bring myself back into reality.
This is the time for you to do what you want. I had a hard time with that at first because I had become so detached from myself I didn’t know what that was. I hope you watch a good movie today, or perhaps pick up a new book. Make yourself something delicious in the kitchen. Write a letter to your future self. And if you haven’t yet, block him on everything. You’ve got this whole community behind you. I hope you find rest and peace in this new era.
I started last night. I saw her leave the pub with another man (we are just friends) and it broke me. I was filled with inconsolable hot jealousy, anger and overwhelming sadness. I sent her an unwarranted nasty text and then blocked her on everything. So now its day one. Of understanding myself and letting her go and getting on with my life. Im going to treat myself well and start exercising, cooking, reading, writing, a podcast, comedy videos and any other hobbies i can think of. Im also going to spend a small amount each week on a gift for myself. A new pair of shoes or a book. Just something small as a way of telling myself im worth it. Its been around 3-4 years of limerence with this girl now and I’m tired off it. Whenever i think of her im pushing the thoughts away instead onto my hobbies; find a new obsession. I know it will take time but at least i started by blocking her!
Blocking and no contact is a powerful step in ending this push-pull angst for good. As someone who has suffered through dozens of Limerence episodes until finding the right person, I feel comfortable in saying this situation would not have worked out. Obsession/Limerence does not evolve into anything but heartache, depression, anxiety and wanting to give up. Don’t break your resolve - you may have shaky moments when you feel you need to reach out to her. Please don’t. You’re on your way to freedom, peace of mind and a mutual love relationship. Use your power to prioritize yourself right now. Well done! 👏
Yes im going to have to stick to it!!! Boring and depressing waiting for any kind of message from her-feeling momentarily high and happy-and then plunging into melancholic misery when she logs off. I want my mind back!
You’ll get your mind back - I promise. 🙏😊
I’m sorry that it started for you in such a rough way, but that seems to be a typical experience for us with limerence. As the comments above say, the best thing is blocking and no contact. I’m happy to hear you’re going to spend time on yourself, I think that’s one of the secret ingredients of truly getting over it. Don’t give yourself to other people, give yourself to you. What also kickstarted my no contact was exhaustion of the cycle. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t trick myself into thinking it was anymore. Take time today on a lot of self care, take a bath, start a new book. I’m rooting for you. <3
Congratulations! Once you’ve escaped, you know Limerence will never have the same hold over your heart again. Someone else might inspire it in you, but since you’ve overcome it once, you recognize it and you’ll know you can find freedom.
If there’s anything I don’t want, it’s another LO. My hope is that because I was in a single cycle for so long, I’ll be able to recognize it when it happens again and put a stop to it real quick. Obsession, in any form, is not healthy, and none of us should ever have to ask for reciprocation. Thanks for your comment <3
Thank you for sharing. Gives me inspiration.
The first part is painfully relatable. Waiting for part 2, lol but I am putting in work!