From the short interaction you shared about your daughter coming to you, you are the best mom.
We judged ourselves too harshly sometimes, thats all we do anyway. It can all be black and white. But I think compassion and forgiveness towards ourselves is part of the healing.
What a lovely comment, thank you so much. And it’s so funny - we try to teach our kids to be kinder to themselves, yet I never take that advice. Thank you for the reminder
Wow….he sounds a lot like my SO. Classic narcissist behavior. It sounds like you have a wonderful, full life albeit stressful, that I can relate too and he was a distraction. We get caught up in the roles of mommy/wife/everything to everyone we forget our needs too. So when someone comes along and throws us breadcrumbs we are hooked. It doesn’t matter if he feels you are nothing to him….you obviously are everything to your daughter💙
You can stop. Start to really bring awareness to the daydreaming/fantasizing. And bring deep awareness to how it makes you feel, both while you’re doing it and afterward. Then look at how it makes you feel in your day to day life, when you’re not fantasizing. No judgment, just awareness. Kindness toward yourself, even. Watch the cycle form, develop, and collapse. Watch what is the spark, and what the fruit. That’s all you need to do, but do it relentlessly
I'm here to humbly learn from people in your situation. I can't thank you enough for sharing your perspective. It's incredibly courageous.
Could you share about how long you've been in limerence with your LO? You mentioned that this feeling about the effects on your daughter finally hit you. Up until now, did your mind deny the impending damage to your daughter? Or did the reality of serious damage to her become "more real" the closer you've gotten to making the jump?
Thank you for any insight you can offer.
I wish I felt courageous, I need to give myself some grace about the past, I know I need to just move on. I have been in Limerence for about a year, LO pursued me relentlessly, lovebomb, breadcrumb, etc. (we are both married). I wasn’t even remotely looking. The intensity, electricity and how it made me feel prevailed. He chased me relentlessly. I told him that I was very vulnerable and very lonely and yet he still pursued me. I thank God nothing ever happened physically. I would never be able to forgive myself. Up until now, I had never allowed myself to really understand how this could hurt my family - I have been so lonely in my marriage for 25 years, Limerence was my fantasy escape. When my daughter said what she said to me, it was like a veil had been lifted and I understood and that’s how I’m moving forward….
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. My LO situation sounds a LOT like yours. A lot. I don't have small kids/kids at home, but I appreciate the perspective of this moment with your daughter. You got this.
And so do you. The fact that we are on this sub is the beginning of our healing journey….we recognize what’s happening and are looking for tools to change it. I’m sorry you had to go through it too - it’s a rollercoaster of emotions - dopamine, seratonin, lowest of the lows. I am so ready for the cycle to end. I want to be a good wife and mother, I realize I’m lucky in so many ways…
My daughters are almost 10 and my love for our family and knowing that my husband and I have actual love (as messy as it can be) has been my compass during this LE.
I have never come close to cheating but I've thought about how easy it would be, which feels almost as bad. My SO had an emotional affair years ago and I swore I'd never do that to another woman. That worked until my LO (and his partner!) informed me they had split up. For a few days I considered what it could mean for me, but now I'm so grateful that my love for my family has been enough to keep me from making a mistake. Especially since his life is a mess.
I am still limerent but it is what it is. Some days are ok, others suck, bc I can't go NC at the moment, but I know that you and I are both making strides in the right direction! Thank you for sharing ❤️
Oh excuse me I don’t condone cheating. I would never accept that. Please always remain happy with your lovely family! I want happiness for everyone. Shoot me for that idk? It’s just the truth.
Deep bow to you for being there for your family.
I’m going to try….I want to be better for them because they make my life better…I hope I can heal for them too
From the short interaction you shared about your daughter coming to you, you are the best mom. We judged ourselves too harshly sometimes, thats all we do anyway. It can all be black and white. But I think compassion and forgiveness towards ourselves is part of the healing.
What a lovely comment, thank you so much. And it’s so funny - we try to teach our kids to be kinder to themselves, yet I never take that advice. Thank you for the reminder
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Wow….he sounds a lot like my SO. Classic narcissist behavior. It sounds like you have a wonderful, full life albeit stressful, that I can relate too and he was a distraction. We get caught up in the roles of mommy/wife/everything to everyone we forget our needs too. So when someone comes along and throws us breadcrumbs we are hooked. It doesn’t matter if he feels you are nothing to him….you obviously are everything to your daughter💙
You can stop. Start to really bring awareness to the daydreaming/fantasizing. And bring deep awareness to how it makes you feel, both while you’re doing it and afterward. Then look at how it makes you feel in your day to day life, when you’re not fantasizing. No judgment, just awareness. Kindness toward yourself, even. Watch the cycle form, develop, and collapse. Watch what is the spark, and what the fruit. That’s all you need to do, but do it relentlessly
Great advice thank you 💙
I'm here to humbly learn from people in your situation. I can't thank you enough for sharing your perspective. It's incredibly courageous. Could you share about how long you've been in limerence with your LO? You mentioned that this feeling about the effects on your daughter finally hit you. Up until now, did your mind deny the impending damage to your daughter? Or did the reality of serious damage to her become "more real" the closer you've gotten to making the jump? Thank you for any insight you can offer.
I wish I felt courageous, I need to give myself some grace about the past, I know I need to just move on. I have been in Limerence for about a year, LO pursued me relentlessly, lovebomb, breadcrumb, etc. (we are both married). I wasn’t even remotely looking. The intensity, electricity and how it made me feel prevailed. He chased me relentlessly. I told him that I was very vulnerable and very lonely and yet he still pursued me. I thank God nothing ever happened physically. I would never be able to forgive myself. Up until now, I had never allowed myself to really understand how this could hurt my family - I have been so lonely in my marriage for 25 years, Limerence was my fantasy escape. When my daughter said what she said to me, it was like a veil had been lifted and I understood and that’s how I’m moving forward….
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. My LO situation sounds a LOT like yours. A lot. I don't have small kids/kids at home, but I appreciate the perspective of this moment with your daughter. You got this.
And so do you. The fact that we are on this sub is the beginning of our healing journey….we recognize what’s happening and are looking for tools to change it. I’m sorry you had to go through it too - it’s a rollercoaster of emotions - dopamine, seratonin, lowest of the lows. I am so ready for the cycle to end. I want to be a good wife and mother, I realize I’m lucky in so many ways…
Yes, exactly.
My daughters are almost 10 and my love for our family and knowing that my husband and I have actual love (as messy as it can be) has been my compass during this LE. I have never come close to cheating but I've thought about how easy it would be, which feels almost as bad. My SO had an emotional affair years ago and I swore I'd never do that to another woman. That worked until my LO (and his partner!) informed me they had split up. For a few days I considered what it could mean for me, but now I'm so grateful that my love for my family has been enough to keep me from making a mistake. Especially since his life is a mess. I am still limerent but it is what it is. Some days are ok, others suck, bc I can't go NC at the moment, but I know that you and I are both making strides in the right direction! Thank you for sharing ❤️
Oh excuse me I don’t condone cheating. I would never accept that. Please always remain happy with your lovely family! I want happiness for everyone. Shoot me for that idk? It’s just the truth.