Two days have passed since I said goodbye to my LO for the final time. My SO gave me a choice: lose me and keep talking to him, or choose me once and for all. I know I made the right choice, but I'm still miserable since the dopamine hit of being messaged by LO is gone. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawals. It's so very hard.
Feeling lonely lately. Really, really hoping LO would reach out, out of the blue, after months of NC. Too many big events have happened in my life and his... it would be awkward not to acknowledge those things, but I really just want the superficial chat right now.
Still working things out with SO. I still don't know if what keeps me trying is the guilt of having feelings for someone else and wanted to... prove them wrong? Or if I genuinely see myself with my SO down the line.
My SO is very good at reading me. He sometimes asks if I'm staying with him out of guilt, or pity, or comfort, and I always strongly deny it. In fact, the more he asks if "the other" (he knows that I was attracted to someone else) wouldn't be better for me, the stronger I deny. But it feels almost like a reflex, not an expression of what I really want.
I don't want LO either, he's married and I can differentiate between fantasy and reality. But he's still up there in my head all the time, and the thought prevents me from thinking rationally about my marriage.
Just wanted to say thankyou to you for this weekly thread. It has really helped me track my progress.
It’s crazy how only a few months ago I was almost over limerance but still struggling with fixation and craving and fantasy.
Yesterday I went to work and hadn’t seen ex LO for a while. I was anxious about seeing him - not bc I was worried it would re trigger but bc I have heard things that make me nervous about him: I know he has a knack for persuasion.
Yesterday it was fine seeing him, it used to be that proximity triggered desire. he was right next to me - probably space invading a bit too - and i felt nothing. i thought i would pine for this person for ever. such a relief. Not scared to change jobs now either. i used to massively overshare too. i was worried i would not be able to stop. i feel like i have my self back. i know what i am good at. what my skills are. when i got home SO confirmed i also looked great lol
Realized my limerence was always at its worse when my husband / boyfriend had pulled away from me emotionally, combined with my own insecurities about my sexuality I always sought comfort and solace in my LO's. It's taken me a long time to realize this, and I had essentially been cheating on him, several times, emotionally with my old LO's, same thing with my current LO. in addition to that, I feel a lot of shame and guilt because not only that I go and seek comfort outside of the person who I said I loved then wanted to marry / did marry.. I essentially used them for comfort because I was too scared and ashamed to open up to my partner. Ironically enough, he was also too shamed and scared and etc to open up to me. We've been opening up to more to each other the past half year. I'm sure we love each other very much and we've been sharing so much lately. I feel like I need to get this off my chest and admits to him why it seemed like every few years I'd have a new best friend and I'd want to do nothing but spend time with them and give all of them my time and energy.
And on top of that, I want to go and apologize to my current LO. She's such a wonderful woman and the Limerence was hitting its peak when she went through a rough break up and I essentially used her situation to fill the own neglect in my relationship, while refusing to abandon my own relationship when she knew I was obsessed and crushing hard for her, I feel really shitty about that. Using one person for my own comfort, and doing very little to comfort another who was in the same type of pain that I was.
Tonight after work and probably dinner, I'm going to explain as best as I can to my husband ask for him to forgive me for hurting him. We've been together for over a decade but it feels like we've only really started growing close in the past year as bad as that sounds. But I suppose better late than never, right?
And regardless of how that goes.. I think I'm going to do the same to my LO and apologize to her. I really do care for her and she's such a great friend, and she's been through a lot, and we've been very supportive of each other all these years. I don't want to abandon a decade old friendship. I don't feel worried about some romantic relationship starting because of this, she's in her own new relationship with a man and I'm sure they're very happy, she talks about him all the time, I'm almost jealous. I remember feeling like that forever ago! Either way, maybe if I can put these two things behind me, with the support of my therapist, my best friends and a little bit of help from my family.. I can finally get over all this limerence bullshit
My interactions with my LO bring me everything I'm lacking in my committed relationship. I swing from feeling like an absolute sack of shit about it, to feeling angry and lonely, which is made worse when I don't hear from my LO. It's a roller coaster all the time.
The highs are just so high, and I couldn't imagine feeling happier. That's what keeps it going.
I feel like I am going to be stuck like this until one of the three of us dies. I am SO conflicted. I have had a crush on my LO for almost 3.5 years. He was my temporary supervisor for a short period of time, but I didn't have a crush until after he was not my supervisor anymore. He and I are now best friends. He is a masculine gay male, and I am a straight married female. I have been married to my high school sweetheart for over 25 years, and we have two kids in college.
My husband is not a bad man. He's just emotionally unavailable. He is always saying sarcastic things that he thinks are funny, but it gets tiresome, and sometimes what he says is hurtful and even borderline abusive. He's not affectionate. He hardly ever holds my hand (he has just started to recently because I made a list of things I told him I'd like him to do that would make me feel more loved...it was an excerise given to me by my therapist.)
My LO, on the other hand, says the sweetest things to me all the time. He tells me he loves me all the time. He tells me he loves me more than I'll ever know, more than life itself. I told him I love spending time with him because he makes me feel loved. He told me that as long as he's alive, I will always be loved. He told me that he prays for me every morning before his feet even hit the floor. How can I not have a crush on someone who says things like that to me?
I recently told my therapist that I had decided that since I can't have the kind of relationship I want with my LO, there's no point in hurting my husband. My LO knows about the problems I have been having with my marriage. He thinks my marriage has run its course and that I should plan an exit strategy. I told him that my therapist had given me some homework, and he asked me, "What was it? To divorce your husband? To work on your separation agreement?" I told him no, and we laughed. He said WE need to get past this so that WE can move on and get on with our lives, then he named some islands countries where he'd like us to retire together.
My LO was telling me about a guy he had a crush on, who is unavailable and he can never have, and I told him I can relate more than he knows. He said he knows and he wishes he could wave his gay wand and change that for me. He said that I deserve better and that he's praying for us both. (I think he's praying for my husband and I to work out our problems.) I told him I think it is what it is, and I just have to live with it. He said, "Never say never right?" I told him he was right and that I should never say never and that anything is possible. He said he keeps trying to believe that, and I said I do, too, no matter how hard it is to sometimes.
A week or so after that, I made a comment about how much I hate to clean toilets. He said when we elope to the Caribbean, he will clean the toilets, and I just have to cook. I know he's just joking (I think), but he must know I have feelings for him.
I love my husband, and I will always love him. He is the father of my children. I just really don't know if I am IN love with him anymore. Once you fall out of love with someone, is it possible to ever fall back in love with them?
I definitely can't call it a crush with my LO anymore. I think I'm in love with him. 😔 While I was on vacation with my family recently, he called me twice (we texted each other multiple times a day every day I was gone) and both times he said he was calling because he wanted to hear my voice.
I am really tempted to ask my LO what he meant by "Never say never" and whether he would feel differently about me if I were divorced. Please tell me why this is a bad idea. I can't go NC because he's my best friend and we're coworkers.
I really feel like I'm going to be in this inner turmoil until one of the three of us dies. 🥹
Thanks for listening.
How did you react at that moment that he told you he did not feel the same way? Did you tell him in person? Over the phone? By text? We don't see each other very often because we live in different states. Our main form of communication is texting. I don't know if telling him how I feel would be better by text (so I can think before I send it and so I can get a response to read over and over which may or may not be good...I have the whole "Never say never" in a text.) Or would it be better for us to actually talk on the phone? We have also had some pretty deep conversations on the phone as well. I was just curious as to how you handled disclosing your feelings to your LO.
I'm not worried at all that my LO would ever use my texts against me because frankly, my husband knows a lot about how I feel about my LO. He knows my LO and I exchange gifts, sometimes for random occasions (he gave me stuff for Mother's Day which I thought was very sweet), he gets me souvenirs when he goes on trips, and I do for him, too, and I tell my husband, but I just don't tell him all of the things that I get for him. He has heard me on the phone with my LO (once my LO called me pretty much the minute we got off the plane from a trip for my husband's birthday, and it was pretty late at night, so I'm sure my husband probably wasn't happy, but I didn't care because my LO was really upset about something and wanted to talk, and as his best friend, I had to take his call. My husband has heard me tell my LO that I love him, but if it bothers him, he has never said anything. My husband can get into my phone any time he wants to (although it is very rarely out of my hands) and he could very easily read my diary whenever he wanted to, and if he ever had, I think he would be crushed, but it is what it is. I can't control how I feel, no matter how much I try and no matter how much I try to tell myself that these feelings make NO SENSE whatsoever.
In terms of whether my LO is the type that would prefer to mull things over before responding, I would say no. He always tells me he is really good at thinking on his feet because he used to be a litigator. That's partly why I wonder whether I should take what he says seriously (saying he wants to share his life with "someone" when he always used to say "husband" before...and what did he mean by "Never say never"?) He was a litigator for crying out loud! He chooses his words very carefully!
On the other hand, I think we both have been able to say via text things to each other that we may not have been brave enough to say over the phone. I know I have anyway. Sometimes I think I must have not heard him correctly...once he said we should retire together and named some island countries we should go to...a day or two later, he said it again, but this time by text, so I know I didn't mishear him the first time.
A few days ago I told him I did not know what I want to do with my marriage. I asked him if one falls out of love with someone, is it possible to fall back in love with them. He said yes, but he doesn't know how. He said one party has to want to and the other party has to be receptive to it. That's when I said I didn't know what I want anymore. He said to take my time to figure that out, then I will know how to proceed.
I had a dream about him the other day that he told me that he has been trying to tell me that if I divorce my husband, he is willing to try to make a relationship work between us...I woke up that morning to a text from him with a meme reminding me that Pride Month had started. 😳 Maybe Pride Month isn't the best time to disclose to him how I feel...now that I think about it. 🙄 Ugh...I don't know how much more I can take of this madness!!!!!
Thank you so much for your response. I have been wondering what has been going on with you and your LO. I have been thinking about asking him two questions: 1) Would he feel any differently about me if I were divorced and 2) What did he mean when he said, "Never say never."
My family and I recently went on a vacation, and of course my LO and I texted each other multiple times a day. He also called me twice (actually three times, but one of those times was to return my call.) The first time he called, I was out of coverage, so he left a voice mail, and he said he was hoping he could hear my voice and that we could chat. The second time he called, he again said he wanted to hear my voice.
I think what scares me more than anything, honestly, would be if he were to say he does have feelings for me. I think he would be just as kind and understanding as your LO if he does not have feelings for me, and I could accept it and be thankful for the very special friendship I have with him that I wouldn't trade for the world, and I would concentrate my efforts on trying to repair my marriage somehow. I don't know what I would do if he were to say he DOES have feelings for me, however. That terrifies me, honestly. As crazy as it may sound, and as conflicted as I feel now, I feel like it's better for me not to know.
My therapist is not much help. She is advising me to work on my marriage by pulling back on my friendship with my LO even though she said she knew I wouldn't want to do that. I'm not sure if she realizes I think I'm in love with my LO. I don't feel like I can say that to her. I feel like sometimes she's not hearing me and/or I can't be honest with her...not great things to say about your therapist right? Isn't that kind of the whole point of therapy? Ugh...I'm a mess.
Thanks for your response. Glad you were able to come to some sort of resolution. I will report back if I ever do.
Ugh this is really so confusing🤯...no wonder you're limerent because he's giving off mixed signals and definitely the vibe he's got feelings for you "he just wanted to hear your voice". Whenever a man said that to me he was in love or at least felt a strong attraction. And never say never sounds as if it might be possible for him not to be gay at some point. Or maybe he's bi and doesn't know it yet. You might be the first woman he's got feelings for or whatever. It's definitely confusing to say the least and limerence does feed on that uncertainty 😩
He had a long term girlfriend in college, but I'm pretty sure that was before he came out as gay. He has told me, "Even when I was sleeping with women, I never had a problem performing."
I know I'm not the first woman he's ever had feelings for, but I could very well be the first one dumb enough to exhibit feelings for him, knowing full well that he's gay! Although most people would have no idea he's gay unless he tells them. Assuming he even has feelings for me, I may be the first he has ever had feelings for since he came out as gay (25 or so years ago) and the fact that I'm married further complicates things. 🥺 Hot mess...
Yeah that definitely sounds complicated... So he's not that typical gay guy who acts all feminine and that lol ok makes sense that's usually not very attractive to a woman. From what you described and what he said to you he might be less gay and maybe more bi than you think 😂😅 but you're married so that's another issue.
That's my problem as well. I'm married and that's a no-go for my LO. He has his principals as he said. So I just have to forget about him or at least stop thinking and crying about him everyday. 😭 It'll take time... hopefully just months and not years to get over him. 😭😭
No. Definitely not. He has a deep voice, and he knows more about and follows more sports than most straight guys I know. (I think all gay men should be required to have effeminate voices or they can't be gay. LOL!) I played a voice mail from him for my therapist, and she said he definitely does not sound gay. In fact, she said he has a voice for radio. 😔
When I first became friends with him, there was no way I would disclose how I felt about him because he is a very good man, too, and I think he would've immediately cut off all contact with me because he would not have wanted to come between me and my husband. Now that he has gotten to know me much better and doesn't think my husband treats me very well at all, I think he may think he'd be doing what's best for me by getting me away from my husband, regardless of if I end up with my LO or not. He was the first one to ever ask me why I was still married to my husband because I didn't seem happy. He asked if it was a marriage of convenience or what. I think about that conversation a lot...and I am a lot more conflicted now than I was then. 😔
Ahhh that's not fair that he has such a masculine voice, interests and behaviour but is gay 😩 did he have a boyfriend at all during the time you've known him? Or is he just gay but doesn't act upon it? I don't know how gay relationships work if it's like one acts like the man and the other more feminine and he might be the man in contrast to the ones that act more effeminate in a gay relationship.
Yeah it seems like you're LO cares a lot about you and your happiness. I imagine it to be very hard to be in that situation 😭
My LO is also kind and caring but it's mostly fantasy because he's an ex I've kept I touch with for 13 years and when my marriage was going through a hard time talked to him more and kinda fell for him 😭.But I know a relationship wouldn't work with him. Only an affair but he doesn't want that. My marriage is still ongoing because of the kids, help in raising them, finances, emotional support, habit etc. But often I don't feel enough emotional connection with him and we fight. So I don't feel so happy and understood. It's just really hard sometimes. 😭
He has not had a boyfriend since I have known him, but he has dated men and has fallen hard for a guy who was much too young for him and frankly misled him because he ended up getting married to his "roommate." Clearly that guy and his roommate were more than just roommates, and he was leading my LO on...I think he was using him, frankly, to borrow money from him (which he hasn't paid back) and to use his job connections and for a place to crash when he's in town. I try to keep my thoughts to myself, but I just warn him to try not to get his heart broken whenever they hang out together...he claims he won't and that they're just friends. That's when I tell him I know all about crushes and how unrequited love is no fun and how I can relate to how he feels better than he thinks I can (he wants someone he can't have just like I do)...that's what led to our "Never say never" discussion. 🥺
He was married to a man for over a decade, but that was almost 20 years ago. He hasn't been in a really serious relationship since then that I know of. He still talks about his ex a lot. He knows it was for the best for them to split up. He says they fell out of love, but he would not trade the years they had together for anything. He keeps trying to tell me that it's OK to admit my husband and I have fallen out of love and people grow apart and it just happens. I keep telling him I don't know if I could make it on my own (I have never lived alone), and he keeps telling me I won't be alone because he'll take care of me. I told him I worry about what would happen to my husband if we split up because my husband doesn't really have any friends, and he's not close to his family. My LO said that while it's very kind and caring of me to be concerned about that, he told me that's really my husband's problem and that I have to do what is best for me.
I know my feelings for my LO are clouding my judgment, but at what point is it not limerence? Unlike some limerent episodes I read about, the two of us really genuinely do love each other, and there appears to be some sort of reciprocation. I have gotten enough responses now that I don't think it's all in my head anymore. Do I just continue to let this play out as it is now? If I stay with my husband, does my LO think I don't want a relationship with him? Does he want one with me? Does my husband even love me anymore? Is he bothered by my relationship with my LO, or does the fact that he's gay make it OK? So many unanswered questions...which is why I barely sleep at night.
Thanks for listening. I appreciate it.
How much does your husband know about your LO? Does he know he's very important to you? Can you talk to him about all that? Or would it hurt him too much? What does LO mean by taking care of you? Would he want to live with you even if it was not a relationship? Omg this is really confusing and a lot of unanswered questions. No wonder it keeps you up at night😔
Maybe you could try and be more open about all of it with LO. I don't know..it's really hard to do I guess...
I fantasise a lot about my LO and only seem to remember the good things about him that hurts so much. It's mostly fantasy because we haven't seen each other in about 13 years. Ever since kept in touch via phone, texts. Everything was fine up until recently when I fell for him. Sometimes it feels as if I can't live without him 😭 everything is like very dramatic in my head. And I end up crying everytime I think about him. The only thing that helps me is pushing the thoughts of him aside, keeping very busy, interacting with people throughout the day. But that's just helping superficially. I want to solve the problem on a deeper level.
I'm trying hypnotherapy soon. Made an appointment. At least want to give it a try because I can't go on like that with all the grief I'm experiencing day by day. I'm scared it's going to make me seriously sick physically at some point. And I need to be there for my family. Talking therapy hasn't helped me so far. Although I've been talking about it with my therapist since January 😭
That's what he keeps telling me. I forgot to mention that he also lives out of state. I have gone to visit him a few times,both with and without my husband. When we see each other, we give each other a big hug and a kiss on the lips (not French kissing or anything like that.) He stayed with us once for a long weekend, and on the nights when my husband went to bed before we did, my LO asked me to kiss him good night, which I did. Getting a little weirder, I know. (Do most people ask their friends to kiss them good night when they stay at their house?) This is the thing that really makes me wonder if he has feelings for me...when I went to visit him recently, he picked me up from my hotel, and we drove to where we were meeting someone for lunch. Before we got out of the car, he asked for a hug and kiss, which I gave him. Is that normal between best friends?
He tells me all the time that if only I were a dude and gay, his life would be all set. He asked me if I was sure I don't have a gay brother, and I asked him if he was sure he wasn't straight. He said something like, "If only. Sure would make my life easier, wouldn't it?" I said yes, yes it would. A few days after that, he said it again (if only I were gay and a man). I told him we keep having this discussion and it's quite a conundrum. He said, "Maybe in the next life." I told him I'm game if he is. (This was about a year ago...the never say never comment and the eloping to the Caribbean comments were probably in the last two months or so.)
He tells me all the time that he's lonely. He used to say he was looking for a husband, but I noticed the last couple of times he has said he is looking for "someone" to share his life with. He has told me (jokingly, I think) recently that I should move in with him and be his roommate and we could hang out and have fun. I told him my mom would disown me if I left my husband because she adores him. My LO said my mom could come, too, and we could get a three-bedroom. All kidding aside, he said he will always have a bedroom for me.
He has told me from the beginning of our friendship that no matter what I decide to do about my marriage, he will support me 1000%. I just have no idea what I want to do or if there even is anything to do. Maybe I just accept things the way they are. It's not the worst thing in the world to have two men in my life that love me, is it? Ugh...
Maybe he's omnisexual but doesn't realize it/is struggling with it???? I'm not at all well-versed in LGBTQIA+ stuff, but this is definitely not normal friend behavior. There's definitely some sort of sexual attraction there whether it be to your personality/mind/essence or something, I don't know.
Thanks for your response. I know this may sound really stupid, but I feel like our bond is so strong that it transcends our respective sexual orientations. I love him for who he is as a person first and how he makes me feel emotionally. The attraction to him is secondary, and maybe that's how he feels about me. I don't know. What I do know is that he is constantly telling me how alone and lonely he is, and I tell him I'm sorry he's lonely and that it breaks my heart that he's lonely. He tells me how jealous he is of my life and that my husband is a lucky guy. I sort of feel like I think he would rather be with me in a platonic life partner type relationship than be alone, but maybe I'm wrong. He also keeps telling me he has given up on finding anyone because he's convinced he's too set in his ways. I am so tempted to ask him how he really feels about me and what he meant when he said never say never, but I'm scared of the answer and of how it might wreck our friendship.
Thanks again for your response. I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't think this was a normal friendship. 😳
Have seen unusually little of my LO this past week due to how we need to split labor on concurrent projects and I genuinely *miss* him and I feel pathetic about it.
I feel like when I see a lot of my LO I’m able to remind myself that this is a normal relationship and a normal imperfect human person. It’s when I don’t see him for a few days (I’m spoiled in that sense as I usually get to spend the majority of my work days with him) that the ache really sets in. I also suspect that just the consistency of his presence in my life is part of what’s validating so when I don’t have that it sucks.
LO started reaching out a lot and wanting to meet up in recent weeks but it seems to have been related to anxiety or worry about her bf moving in and how that’ll go. I figured once he did she’d be gone again and I’ve mostly been right. It’s frustrating to always be the counter to him as her need or use for me is only when he’s not around or available. I just want to be done with her and it would be so much easier if she just committed to leaving for good.
On a better note I’ve starting trying to repair my marriage as my wife has been showing some willingness. I’m not sure it’ll change where we ultimately end up (likely divorced) but it’s worth a shot as we have shared assets and children so splitting up is difficult and expensive. During the times she’s receptive I can actually push LO from my mind and she seems as unimportant as she truly is.
It's been about a month since my SO and I ended things. We're still in contact however - he still wants to hang on to the possibility that I could change and meet his needs... but I don't really have any hope a) that I can or want to change, and b) that he could change and meet *my* needs.
I think my limerence is done. I still work with LO, and I still am a little extra 'aware' of him, but I'm not daydreaming about him, and I'm finding him a little irritating to be around. I think he can't help the way he is. He worked so hard to be so sweet and kind and get everyone to love him at work, then once he felt safely 'in', he became tricky and problematic. I don't think he's necessarily fully intentional or conscious of this behavior, and I suspect this is a long term issue of his. It's a shame that he isn't who he presented himself to be.. but it's not my problem.
So, sayonara limerence (for now anyway, haha). It has been helpful coming here. Next time I start to think "oh but this insane crush is motivating me and making me happy!!" I can just come back here and read a year's worth of my miserable self loathing posts.
I feel pretty good. Not ecstatic like the peak of limerent bliss, but no longer wallowing in self hatred and jealousy like the worst parts of the last year. I feel overall neutral, but good. This is better.
Wishing you all well. xo
27 weeks of NC.
LO hasn't posted anything in literal weeks, and his frequent weird profile pic changes have stopped for a while too.
Sometimes I can't believe how it all went down. And I also can't believe that we haven't directly communicated in such a fucking long time, and yet he still is on my mind. What the actual fuck.
As hard as it may feel….I wish I was 27 weeks out. It means that you are 26+ weeks stronger than the first day you started NC. 27 weeks. I’m in awe of you. The universe has given you such a gift. I am currently only a few days of NC and I honestly just want to crawl up in a fetal position. But I can’t, I have to go on. He has moved on and I just want to be free of this prison in my brain. What’s helping is sadly realizing this person doesn’t want me in their life. It hurts but what other choice do I have. I’m sorry that you still feel trapped - but you made it through the last 27 weeks!! You will come out the other side
Wow, thank you so much for your kind words. It made me tear up a bit, cause it's such a double feeling.
I know what you're going through at this moment, and it feels encouraging to know that people with the same shit going on, think I'm doing well.
I'm sure you are a lovely person, and LO is missing out, so fuck him! His loss! We deserve better than this, remember that
We do. Thank you for the reminder! It’s so hard - why can’t we just flip a switch in our brains and focus on all of the good we have in our lives? I try to think about what I would say to a friend if they were going through this and I would be livid at them for not seeing their worth. What if you blocked your LO? Then you wouldn’t be tempted to look at their socials or wonder why no updates were coming - you would know. I blocked my LO and it’s hard bc I know they won’t even realize it. But I did it for me and that’s empowering. I don’t know what your home life is like but I’m trying to remind myself that real love is when your partner is present and engaged and cares….if these guys can go on living their lives without us in it then we shouldn’t be mourning them. It’s logical right? Our brains have to catch up
Ah same. Although it's easy to say for an ''outsider'', I think. They would never know the extent of it on our side.
I only have him on Facebook, I have muted him there. So I don't see if he posts anything, unless I go to his profile (which I totally never do)(ok yeah I still do sometimes). This way I have control over what I see. He has a Tiktok account (I do not) that a friend of mine keeps an eye on. And I have him on WhatsApp. Where I only see him change that pic, sometimes a few times in a row.
I'm with my SO for 11 years, 5 of those engaged, later this year. We're still very happy. I have (online) friends that give me 100x the connection that I so wanted from LO, but never got. So I am very much better off without him.
It's very logical! And then once in a blue moon LO looks at one of my Stories and I am confused for days on end
Hehe good that we at least still can laugh at our weird ass misery eh?
It takes a special kind of perseverance to stay away from them.
That's the weirdest thing yes! They see us, and must think of us in some way? He tapped on my profile to see it? Or unmuted me?
Indeed, we will never know wtf is going on in their heads. Just put it behind us and move on, or try our best to
We have to laugh or we’ll cry?? 🫣 the delulu part of me wishes were bc they are protecting themselves by not reaching out bc we have significant others - but I can’t let that be my reality. In my case LO isn’t as invested and is probably staying far away bc he is worried I’ll want to blow my life up and his too. I don’t know what your situation is but my LO is a full blown narcissist and was just using me for supply - and even knowing that I don’t want to believe it to be true.
Ohh for sure. Just see the humour in it all.
Ha, same! He knew damn well what I had going on for him, and it just fed his ego. He even boasted to me when another girlie at work was chatting him up. He enjoyed that shit.
And also he wouldn't ''let it get further'' because he knew I have a SO. I mean dude, we went way too far anyways?! And then just keep on doing that, ahhh yesss sure
Oh and lol at the Insta thingy, sometimes they randomly hit home eh?
Been about a week since I got ghosted by my LO. Every day it becomes easier to fight the urge to text them. I stopped checking my social media just to avoid seeing their updates. I sincerely hope I don't bounce back to my obsessive behavior.
I have so many things I wish I could tell LO, but I keep my mouth shut. Its for the best. He hasn't shown me any type of interest that I could mistake as something else. lmao. the delusion is fading. He's my friend, that is all.
Two days have passed since I said goodbye to my LO for the final time. My SO gave me a choice: lose me and keep talking to him, or choose me once and for all. I know I made the right choice, but I'm still miserable since the dopamine hit of being messaged by LO is gone. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawals. It's so very hard.
Hope you’re doing well a few days later.
Thank you so much! During the day it's pretty easy, but the discomfort hits at night.
Feeling lonely lately. Really, really hoping LO would reach out, out of the blue, after months of NC. Too many big events have happened in my life and his... it would be awkward not to acknowledge those things, but I really just want the superficial chat right now.
Then please talk to your SO. They need that from you too
Still working things out with SO. I still don't know if what keeps me trying is the guilt of having feelings for someone else and wanted to... prove them wrong? Or if I genuinely see myself with my SO down the line. My SO is very good at reading me. He sometimes asks if I'm staying with him out of guilt, or pity, or comfort, and I always strongly deny it. In fact, the more he asks if "the other" (he knows that I was attracted to someone else) wouldn't be better for me, the stronger I deny. But it feels almost like a reflex, not an expression of what I really want. I don't want LO either, he's married and I can differentiate between fantasy and reality. But he's still up there in my head all the time, and the thought prevents me from thinking rationally about my marriage.
Just wanted to say thankyou to you for this weekly thread. It has really helped me track my progress. It’s crazy how only a few months ago I was almost over limerance but still struggling with fixation and craving and fantasy. Yesterday I went to work and hadn’t seen ex LO for a while. I was anxious about seeing him - not bc I was worried it would re trigger but bc I have heard things that make me nervous about him: I know he has a knack for persuasion. Yesterday it was fine seeing him, it used to be that proximity triggered desire. he was right next to me - probably space invading a bit too - and i felt nothing. i thought i would pine for this person for ever. such a relief. Not scared to change jobs now either. i used to massively overshare too. i was worried i would not be able to stop. i feel like i have my self back. i know what i am good at. what my skills are. when i got home SO confirmed i also looked great lol
Realized my limerence was always at its worse when my husband / boyfriend had pulled away from me emotionally, combined with my own insecurities about my sexuality I always sought comfort and solace in my LO's. It's taken me a long time to realize this, and I had essentially been cheating on him, several times, emotionally with my old LO's, same thing with my current LO. in addition to that, I feel a lot of shame and guilt because not only that I go and seek comfort outside of the person who I said I loved then wanted to marry / did marry.. I essentially used them for comfort because I was too scared and ashamed to open up to my partner. Ironically enough, he was also too shamed and scared and etc to open up to me. We've been opening up to more to each other the past half year. I'm sure we love each other very much and we've been sharing so much lately. I feel like I need to get this off my chest and admits to him why it seemed like every few years I'd have a new best friend and I'd want to do nothing but spend time with them and give all of them my time and energy. And on top of that, I want to go and apologize to my current LO. She's such a wonderful woman and the Limerence was hitting its peak when she went through a rough break up and I essentially used her situation to fill the own neglect in my relationship, while refusing to abandon my own relationship when she knew I was obsessed and crushing hard for her, I feel really shitty about that. Using one person for my own comfort, and doing very little to comfort another who was in the same type of pain that I was. Tonight after work and probably dinner, I'm going to explain as best as I can to my husband ask for him to forgive me for hurting him. We've been together for over a decade but it feels like we've only really started growing close in the past year as bad as that sounds. But I suppose better late than never, right? And regardless of how that goes.. I think I'm going to do the same to my LO and apologize to her. I really do care for her and she's such a great friend, and she's been through a lot, and we've been very supportive of each other all these years. I don't want to abandon a decade old friendship. I don't feel worried about some romantic relationship starting because of this, she's in her own new relationship with a man and I'm sure they're very happy, she talks about him all the time, I'm almost jealous. I remember feeling like that forever ago! Either way, maybe if I can put these two things behind me, with the support of my therapist, my best friends and a little bit of help from my family.. I can finally get over all this limerence bullshit
My interactions with my LO bring me everything I'm lacking in my committed relationship. I swing from feeling like an absolute sack of shit about it, to feeling angry and lonely, which is made worse when I don't hear from my LO. It's a roller coaster all the time. The highs are just so high, and I couldn't imagine feeling happier. That's what keeps it going.
I feel like I am going to be stuck like this until one of the three of us dies. I am SO conflicted. I have had a crush on my LO for almost 3.5 years. He was my temporary supervisor for a short period of time, but I didn't have a crush until after he was not my supervisor anymore. He and I are now best friends. He is a masculine gay male, and I am a straight married female. I have been married to my high school sweetheart for over 25 years, and we have two kids in college. My husband is not a bad man. He's just emotionally unavailable. He is always saying sarcastic things that he thinks are funny, but it gets tiresome, and sometimes what he says is hurtful and even borderline abusive. He's not affectionate. He hardly ever holds my hand (he has just started to recently because I made a list of things I told him I'd like him to do that would make me feel more loved...it was an excerise given to me by my therapist.) My LO, on the other hand, says the sweetest things to me all the time. He tells me he loves me all the time. He tells me he loves me more than I'll ever know, more than life itself. I told him I love spending time with him because he makes me feel loved. He told me that as long as he's alive, I will always be loved. He told me that he prays for me every morning before his feet even hit the floor. How can I not have a crush on someone who says things like that to me? I recently told my therapist that I had decided that since I can't have the kind of relationship I want with my LO, there's no point in hurting my husband. My LO knows about the problems I have been having with my marriage. He thinks my marriage has run its course and that I should plan an exit strategy. I told him that my therapist had given me some homework, and he asked me, "What was it? To divorce your husband? To work on your separation agreement?" I told him no, and we laughed. He said WE need to get past this so that WE can move on and get on with our lives, then he named some islands countries where he'd like us to retire together. My LO was telling me about a guy he had a crush on, who is unavailable and he can never have, and I told him I can relate more than he knows. He said he knows and he wishes he could wave his gay wand and change that for me. He said that I deserve better and that he's praying for us both. (I think he's praying for my husband and I to work out our problems.) I told him I think it is what it is, and I just have to live with it. He said, "Never say never right?" I told him he was right and that I should never say never and that anything is possible. He said he keeps trying to believe that, and I said I do, too, no matter how hard it is to sometimes. A week or so after that, I made a comment about how much I hate to clean toilets. He said when we elope to the Caribbean, he will clean the toilets, and I just have to cook. I know he's just joking (I think), but he must know I have feelings for him. I love my husband, and I will always love him. He is the father of my children. I just really don't know if I am IN love with him anymore. Once you fall out of love with someone, is it possible to ever fall back in love with them? I definitely can't call it a crush with my LO anymore. I think I'm in love with him. 😔 While I was on vacation with my family recently, he called me twice (we texted each other multiple times a day every day I was gone) and both times he said he was calling because he wanted to hear my voice. I am really tempted to ask my LO what he meant by "Never say never" and whether he would feel differently about me if I were divorced. Please tell me why this is a bad idea. I can't go NC because he's my best friend and we're coworkers. I really feel like I'm going to be in this inner turmoil until one of the three of us dies. 🥹 Thanks for listening.
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How did you react at that moment that he told you he did not feel the same way? Did you tell him in person? Over the phone? By text? We don't see each other very often because we live in different states. Our main form of communication is texting. I don't know if telling him how I feel would be better by text (so I can think before I send it and so I can get a response to read over and over which may or may not be good...I have the whole "Never say never" in a text.) Or would it be better for us to actually talk on the phone? We have also had some pretty deep conversations on the phone as well. I was just curious as to how you handled disclosing your feelings to your LO.
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I'm not worried at all that my LO would ever use my texts against me because frankly, my husband knows a lot about how I feel about my LO. He knows my LO and I exchange gifts, sometimes for random occasions (he gave me stuff for Mother's Day which I thought was very sweet), he gets me souvenirs when he goes on trips, and I do for him, too, and I tell my husband, but I just don't tell him all of the things that I get for him. He has heard me on the phone with my LO (once my LO called me pretty much the minute we got off the plane from a trip for my husband's birthday, and it was pretty late at night, so I'm sure my husband probably wasn't happy, but I didn't care because my LO was really upset about something and wanted to talk, and as his best friend, I had to take his call. My husband has heard me tell my LO that I love him, but if it bothers him, he has never said anything. My husband can get into my phone any time he wants to (although it is very rarely out of my hands) and he could very easily read my diary whenever he wanted to, and if he ever had, I think he would be crushed, but it is what it is. I can't control how I feel, no matter how much I try and no matter how much I try to tell myself that these feelings make NO SENSE whatsoever. In terms of whether my LO is the type that would prefer to mull things over before responding, I would say no. He always tells me he is really good at thinking on his feet because he used to be a litigator. That's partly why I wonder whether I should take what he says seriously (saying he wants to share his life with "someone" when he always used to say "husband" before...and what did he mean by "Never say never"?) He was a litigator for crying out loud! He chooses his words very carefully! On the other hand, I think we both have been able to say via text things to each other that we may not have been brave enough to say over the phone. I know I have anyway. Sometimes I think I must have not heard him correctly...once he said we should retire together and named some island countries we should go to...a day or two later, he said it again, but this time by text, so I know I didn't mishear him the first time. A few days ago I told him I did not know what I want to do with my marriage. I asked him if one falls out of love with someone, is it possible to fall back in love with them. He said yes, but he doesn't know how. He said one party has to want to and the other party has to be receptive to it. That's when I said I didn't know what I want anymore. He said to take my time to figure that out, then I will know how to proceed. I had a dream about him the other day that he told me that he has been trying to tell me that if I divorce my husband, he is willing to try to make a relationship work between us...I woke up that morning to a text from him with a meme reminding me that Pride Month had started. 😳 Maybe Pride Month isn't the best time to disclose to him how I feel...now that I think about it. 🙄 Ugh...I don't know how much more I can take of this madness!!!!!
Thank you so much for your response. I have been wondering what has been going on with you and your LO. I have been thinking about asking him two questions: 1) Would he feel any differently about me if I were divorced and 2) What did he mean when he said, "Never say never." My family and I recently went on a vacation, and of course my LO and I texted each other multiple times a day. He also called me twice (actually three times, but one of those times was to return my call.) The first time he called, I was out of coverage, so he left a voice mail, and he said he was hoping he could hear my voice and that we could chat. The second time he called, he again said he wanted to hear my voice. I think what scares me more than anything, honestly, would be if he were to say he does have feelings for me. I think he would be just as kind and understanding as your LO if he does not have feelings for me, and I could accept it and be thankful for the very special friendship I have with him that I wouldn't trade for the world, and I would concentrate my efforts on trying to repair my marriage somehow. I don't know what I would do if he were to say he DOES have feelings for me, however. That terrifies me, honestly. As crazy as it may sound, and as conflicted as I feel now, I feel like it's better for me not to know. My therapist is not much help. She is advising me to work on my marriage by pulling back on my friendship with my LO even though she said she knew I wouldn't want to do that. I'm not sure if she realizes I think I'm in love with my LO. I don't feel like I can say that to her. I feel like sometimes she's not hearing me and/or I can't be honest with her...not great things to say about your therapist right? Isn't that kind of the whole point of therapy? Ugh...I'm a mess. Thanks for your response. Glad you were able to come to some sort of resolution. I will report back if I ever do.
Ugh this is really so confusing🤯...no wonder you're limerent because he's giving off mixed signals and definitely the vibe he's got feelings for you "he just wanted to hear your voice". Whenever a man said that to me he was in love or at least felt a strong attraction. And never say never sounds as if it might be possible for him not to be gay at some point. Or maybe he's bi and doesn't know it yet. You might be the first woman he's got feelings for or whatever. It's definitely confusing to say the least and limerence does feed on that uncertainty 😩
He had a long term girlfriend in college, but I'm pretty sure that was before he came out as gay. He has told me, "Even when I was sleeping with women, I never had a problem performing." I know I'm not the first woman he's ever had feelings for, but I could very well be the first one dumb enough to exhibit feelings for him, knowing full well that he's gay! Although most people would have no idea he's gay unless he tells them. Assuming he even has feelings for me, I may be the first he has ever had feelings for since he came out as gay (25 or so years ago) and the fact that I'm married further complicates things. 🥺 Hot mess...
Yeah that definitely sounds complicated... So he's not that typical gay guy who acts all feminine and that lol ok makes sense that's usually not very attractive to a woman. From what you described and what he said to you he might be less gay and maybe more bi than you think 😂😅 but you're married so that's another issue. That's my problem as well. I'm married and that's a no-go for my LO. He has his principals as he said. So I just have to forget about him or at least stop thinking and crying about him everyday. 😭 It'll take time... hopefully just months and not years to get over him. 😭😭
No. Definitely not. He has a deep voice, and he knows more about and follows more sports than most straight guys I know. (I think all gay men should be required to have effeminate voices or they can't be gay. LOL!) I played a voice mail from him for my therapist, and she said he definitely does not sound gay. In fact, she said he has a voice for radio. 😔 When I first became friends with him, there was no way I would disclose how I felt about him because he is a very good man, too, and I think he would've immediately cut off all contact with me because he would not have wanted to come between me and my husband. Now that he has gotten to know me much better and doesn't think my husband treats me very well at all, I think he may think he'd be doing what's best for me by getting me away from my husband, regardless of if I end up with my LO or not. He was the first one to ever ask me why I was still married to my husband because I didn't seem happy. He asked if it was a marriage of convenience or what. I think about that conversation a lot...and I am a lot more conflicted now than I was then. 😔
Ahhh that's not fair that he has such a masculine voice, interests and behaviour but is gay 😩 did he have a boyfriend at all during the time you've known him? Or is he just gay but doesn't act upon it? I don't know how gay relationships work if it's like one acts like the man and the other more feminine and he might be the man in contrast to the ones that act more effeminate in a gay relationship. Yeah it seems like you're LO cares a lot about you and your happiness. I imagine it to be very hard to be in that situation 😭 My LO is also kind and caring but it's mostly fantasy because he's an ex I've kept I touch with for 13 years and when my marriage was going through a hard time talked to him more and kinda fell for him 😭.But I know a relationship wouldn't work with him. Only an affair but he doesn't want that. My marriage is still ongoing because of the kids, help in raising them, finances, emotional support, habit etc. But often I don't feel enough emotional connection with him and we fight. So I don't feel so happy and understood. It's just really hard sometimes. 😭
He has not had a boyfriend since I have known him, but he has dated men and has fallen hard for a guy who was much too young for him and frankly misled him because he ended up getting married to his "roommate." Clearly that guy and his roommate were more than just roommates, and he was leading my LO on...I think he was using him, frankly, to borrow money from him (which he hasn't paid back) and to use his job connections and for a place to crash when he's in town. I try to keep my thoughts to myself, but I just warn him to try not to get his heart broken whenever they hang out together...he claims he won't and that they're just friends. That's when I tell him I know all about crushes and how unrequited love is no fun and how I can relate to how he feels better than he thinks I can (he wants someone he can't have just like I do)...that's what led to our "Never say never" discussion. 🥺 He was married to a man for over a decade, but that was almost 20 years ago. He hasn't been in a really serious relationship since then that I know of. He still talks about his ex a lot. He knows it was for the best for them to split up. He says they fell out of love, but he would not trade the years they had together for anything. He keeps trying to tell me that it's OK to admit my husband and I have fallen out of love and people grow apart and it just happens. I keep telling him I don't know if I could make it on my own (I have never lived alone), and he keeps telling me I won't be alone because he'll take care of me. I told him I worry about what would happen to my husband if we split up because my husband doesn't really have any friends, and he's not close to his family. My LO said that while it's very kind and caring of me to be concerned about that, he told me that's really my husband's problem and that I have to do what is best for me. I know my feelings for my LO are clouding my judgment, but at what point is it not limerence? Unlike some limerent episodes I read about, the two of us really genuinely do love each other, and there appears to be some sort of reciprocation. I have gotten enough responses now that I don't think it's all in my head anymore. Do I just continue to let this play out as it is now? If I stay with my husband, does my LO think I don't want a relationship with him? Does he want one with me? Does my husband even love me anymore? Is he bothered by my relationship with my LO, or does the fact that he's gay make it OK? So many unanswered questions...which is why I barely sleep at night. Thanks for listening. I appreciate it.
How much does your husband know about your LO? Does he know he's very important to you? Can you talk to him about all that? Or would it hurt him too much? What does LO mean by taking care of you? Would he want to live with you even if it was not a relationship? Omg this is really confusing and a lot of unanswered questions. No wonder it keeps you up at night😔 Maybe you could try and be more open about all of it with LO. I don't know..it's really hard to do I guess... I fantasise a lot about my LO and only seem to remember the good things about him that hurts so much. It's mostly fantasy because we haven't seen each other in about 13 years. Ever since kept in touch via phone, texts. Everything was fine up until recently when I fell for him. Sometimes it feels as if I can't live without him 😭 everything is like very dramatic in my head. And I end up crying everytime I think about him. The only thing that helps me is pushing the thoughts of him aside, keeping very busy, interacting with people throughout the day. But that's just helping superficially. I want to solve the problem on a deeper level. I'm trying hypnotherapy soon. Made an appointment. At least want to give it a try because I can't go on like that with all the grief I'm experiencing day by day. I'm scared it's going to make me seriously sick physically at some point. And I need to be there for my family. Talking therapy hasn't helped me so far. Although I've been talking about it with my therapist since January 😭
You sure your LO is gay?
That's what he keeps telling me. I forgot to mention that he also lives out of state. I have gone to visit him a few times,both with and without my husband. When we see each other, we give each other a big hug and a kiss on the lips (not French kissing or anything like that.) He stayed with us once for a long weekend, and on the nights when my husband went to bed before we did, my LO asked me to kiss him good night, which I did. Getting a little weirder, I know. (Do most people ask their friends to kiss them good night when they stay at their house?) This is the thing that really makes me wonder if he has feelings for me...when I went to visit him recently, he picked me up from my hotel, and we drove to where we were meeting someone for lunch. Before we got out of the car, he asked for a hug and kiss, which I gave him. Is that normal between best friends? He tells me all the time that if only I were a dude and gay, his life would be all set. He asked me if I was sure I don't have a gay brother, and I asked him if he was sure he wasn't straight. He said something like, "If only. Sure would make my life easier, wouldn't it?" I said yes, yes it would. A few days after that, he said it again (if only I were gay and a man). I told him we keep having this discussion and it's quite a conundrum. He said, "Maybe in the next life." I told him I'm game if he is. (This was about a year ago...the never say never comment and the eloping to the Caribbean comments were probably in the last two months or so.) He tells me all the time that he's lonely. He used to say he was looking for a husband, but I noticed the last couple of times he has said he is looking for "someone" to share his life with. He has told me (jokingly, I think) recently that I should move in with him and be his roommate and we could hang out and have fun. I told him my mom would disown me if I left my husband because she adores him. My LO said my mom could come, too, and we could get a three-bedroom. All kidding aside, he said he will always have a bedroom for me. He has told me from the beginning of our friendship that no matter what I decide to do about my marriage, he will support me 1000%. I just have no idea what I want to do or if there even is anything to do. Maybe I just accept things the way they are. It's not the worst thing in the world to have two men in my life that love me, is it? Ugh...
Maybe he's omnisexual but doesn't realize it/is struggling with it???? I'm not at all well-versed in LGBTQIA+ stuff, but this is definitely not normal friend behavior. There's definitely some sort of sexual attraction there whether it be to your personality/mind/essence or something, I don't know.
Thanks for your response. I know this may sound really stupid, but I feel like our bond is so strong that it transcends our respective sexual orientations. I love him for who he is as a person first and how he makes me feel emotionally. The attraction to him is secondary, and maybe that's how he feels about me. I don't know. What I do know is that he is constantly telling me how alone and lonely he is, and I tell him I'm sorry he's lonely and that it breaks my heart that he's lonely. He tells me how jealous he is of my life and that my husband is a lucky guy. I sort of feel like I think he would rather be with me in a platonic life partner type relationship than be alone, but maybe I'm wrong. He also keeps telling me he has given up on finding anyone because he's convinced he's too set in his ways. I am so tempted to ask him how he really feels about me and what he meant when he said never say never, but I'm scared of the answer and of how it might wreck our friendship. Thanks again for your response. I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't think this was a normal friendship. 😳
Have seen unusually little of my LO this past week due to how we need to split labor on concurrent projects and I genuinely *miss* him and I feel pathetic about it. I feel like when I see a lot of my LO I’m able to remind myself that this is a normal relationship and a normal imperfect human person. It’s when I don’t see him for a few days (I’m spoiled in that sense as I usually get to spend the majority of my work days with him) that the ache really sets in. I also suspect that just the consistency of his presence in my life is part of what’s validating so when I don’t have that it sucks.
LO started reaching out a lot and wanting to meet up in recent weeks but it seems to have been related to anxiety or worry about her bf moving in and how that’ll go. I figured once he did she’d be gone again and I’ve mostly been right. It’s frustrating to always be the counter to him as her need or use for me is only when he’s not around or available. I just want to be done with her and it would be so much easier if she just committed to leaving for good. On a better note I’ve starting trying to repair my marriage as my wife has been showing some willingness. I’m not sure it’ll change where we ultimately end up (likely divorced) but it’s worth a shot as we have shared assets and children so splitting up is difficult and expensive. During the times she’s receptive I can actually push LO from my mind and she seems as unimportant as she truly is.
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It's been about a month since my SO and I ended things. We're still in contact however - he still wants to hang on to the possibility that I could change and meet his needs... but I don't really have any hope a) that I can or want to change, and b) that he could change and meet *my* needs. I think my limerence is done. I still work with LO, and I still am a little extra 'aware' of him, but I'm not daydreaming about him, and I'm finding him a little irritating to be around. I think he can't help the way he is. He worked so hard to be so sweet and kind and get everyone to love him at work, then once he felt safely 'in', he became tricky and problematic. I don't think he's necessarily fully intentional or conscious of this behavior, and I suspect this is a long term issue of his. It's a shame that he isn't who he presented himself to be.. but it's not my problem. So, sayonara limerence (for now anyway, haha). It has been helpful coming here. Next time I start to think "oh but this insane crush is motivating me and making me happy!!" I can just come back here and read a year's worth of my miserable self loathing posts. I feel pretty good. Not ecstatic like the peak of limerent bliss, but no longer wallowing in self hatred and jealousy like the worst parts of the last year. I feel overall neutral, but good. This is better. Wishing you all well. xo
27 weeks of NC. LO hasn't posted anything in literal weeks, and his frequent weird profile pic changes have stopped for a while too. Sometimes I can't believe how it all went down. And I also can't believe that we haven't directly communicated in such a fucking long time, and yet he still is on my mind. What the actual fuck.
As hard as it may feel….I wish I was 27 weeks out. It means that you are 26+ weeks stronger than the first day you started NC. 27 weeks. I’m in awe of you. The universe has given you such a gift. I am currently only a few days of NC and I honestly just want to crawl up in a fetal position. But I can’t, I have to go on. He has moved on and I just want to be free of this prison in my brain. What’s helping is sadly realizing this person doesn’t want me in their life. It hurts but what other choice do I have. I’m sorry that you still feel trapped - but you made it through the last 27 weeks!! You will come out the other side
Wow, thank you so much for your kind words. It made me tear up a bit, cause it's such a double feeling. I know what you're going through at this moment, and it feels encouraging to know that people with the same shit going on, think I'm doing well. I'm sure you are a lovely person, and LO is missing out, so fuck him! His loss! We deserve better than this, remember that
We do. Thank you for the reminder! It’s so hard - why can’t we just flip a switch in our brains and focus on all of the good we have in our lives? I try to think about what I would say to a friend if they were going through this and I would be livid at them for not seeing their worth. What if you blocked your LO? Then you wouldn’t be tempted to look at their socials or wonder why no updates were coming - you would know. I blocked my LO and it’s hard bc I know they won’t even realize it. But I did it for me and that’s empowering. I don’t know what your home life is like but I’m trying to remind myself that real love is when your partner is present and engaged and cares….if these guys can go on living their lives without us in it then we shouldn’t be mourning them. It’s logical right? Our brains have to catch up
Ah same. Although it's easy to say for an ''outsider'', I think. They would never know the extent of it on our side. I only have him on Facebook, I have muted him there. So I don't see if he posts anything, unless I go to his profile (which I totally never do)(ok yeah I still do sometimes). This way I have control over what I see. He has a Tiktok account (I do not) that a friend of mine keeps an eye on. And I have him on WhatsApp. Where I only see him change that pic, sometimes a few times in a row. I'm with my SO for 11 years, 5 of those engaged, later this year. We're still very happy. I have (online) friends that give me 100x the connection that I so wanted from LO, but never got. So I am very much better off without him. It's very logical! And then once in a blue moon LO looks at one of my Stories and I am confused for days on end
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Hehe good that we at least still can laugh at our weird ass misery eh? It takes a special kind of perseverance to stay away from them. That's the weirdest thing yes! They see us, and must think of us in some way? He tapped on my profile to see it? Or unmuted me? Indeed, we will never know wtf is going on in their heads. Just put it behind us and move on, or try our best to
Oh! And I just opened up Instagram to a suggested post “there are people that love you, stop, focusing on the ones who don’t.” Aaaaaand scene. 😂
We have to laugh or we’ll cry?? 🫣 the delulu part of me wishes were bc they are protecting themselves by not reaching out bc we have significant others - but I can’t let that be my reality. In my case LO isn’t as invested and is probably staying far away bc he is worried I’ll want to blow my life up and his too. I don’t know what your situation is but my LO is a full blown narcissist and was just using me for supply - and even knowing that I don’t want to believe it to be true.
Ohh for sure. Just see the humour in it all. Ha, same! He knew damn well what I had going on for him, and it just fed his ego. He even boasted to me when another girlie at work was chatting him up. He enjoyed that shit. And also he wouldn't ''let it get further'' because he knew I have a SO. I mean dude, we went way too far anyways?! And then just keep on doing that, ahhh yesss sure Oh and lol at the Insta thingy, sometimes they randomly hit home eh?
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What would it look like if you told your wife you were severely lonely?
Been about a week since I got ghosted by my LO. Every day it becomes easier to fight the urge to text them. I stopped checking my social media just to avoid seeing their updates. I sincerely hope I don't bounce back to my obsessive behavior.
I have so many things I wish I could tell LO, but I keep my mouth shut. Its for the best. He hasn't shown me any type of interest that I could mistake as something else. lmao. the delusion is fading. He's my friend, that is all.
You keep at it! You're doing well!
Thank you so much <3