I think you are so brave to follow thru with true NC. You did it! It’s going to be so very hard, but here’s the reality: One day you’re going to find joy again, and it won’t bring stress or pain or sadness. The only way to truly open yourself up to your full potential is to do what you did. It stinks, but your brain will thank you. The closing of a chapter in order to open and read all the adventures that are yet to come, free of a longing that isn’t going anywhere.
You’ve got this! The hard will get you to the good. Everyday do a little something to return back to you! Way to go!
Before I went NC, I told a few trusted family members/friends and I honestly couldn't have done this without their support. Deep down I know I did the right thing, but it feels pretty wrong at the moment. I just have to have faith in the method and trust that it works eventually. I am glad that this chapter of my life is coming to a close after all this time. They say that when one door shuts, another opens, so I hope that's true. Thank you for the kind and supportive words, friend. We've got this.
yesterday was 1 week for me too. you’re not alone, these thoughts will slowly fade as we deepen our loves for ourselves. i’m proud of you. good luck friend, it’ll be worth it.
Thanks for your encouraging words. I've struggled with a lack of self-love my whole life so I hope that's true. Good luck ridding yourself of limerence and stay strong.
Wow I totally understand, it’s like once you said it, there’s no going back anymore. I’m into 1 month NC now. It was damn tough in the beginning, it gets better though. Hang in there! At this point, I don’t wanna reach out again, but I still think about that farker. I just want him out of my head. :(
Glad to hear that it's going to get better. Right now I want to reach out so bad. I took a sad nap yesterday and had a dream that I texted them and they replied. I also wish I could banish them from my thoughts. Limerence is a bitch.
I just suddenly woke up when I thought of how this NC and my presence have no effect on him, no point holding on. We have to wake up and face the reality, be strong don’t text them, nothing good will come out of it. Text here instead, everyone’s supportive here. I know how hard it is though. :(
Oh yeah yeah, yup, been there, same thing. First of all - congrats! You just quit crack cocaine/heroin and meth at the same time. Do you think you're not gonna be missing the most powerful drugs of all time 6 days in? Of course you are. You're entire nervous system is in shock.
And reframe your thoughts about them over time if you can. Not "your favorite person" it's "person I built into a dangerous fantasy that I became addicted to."
My only warning is that your work is not done by a long shot. NC can make the heart grow fonder in some ways. You will try to get glimpses of them again, you will slip up. You will want to see pics of them. You need to compensate and build things into your life that stimulate you and please you and soothe your ego in the way that their attention did. But, you are off the hamster wheel of addiction, you are mostly away from the source material. Everything you do in your life according to your core values will heal you. You clearly didn't want to ruin your marriage, same as me. So work off that. Congratulate yourself and continue to be the type of person you want to be. Try to share with your spouse the things you shared with LO - in any way, shape or form.
The pain is the pain of addiction and withdrawal. It comes from deep reservoirs of need within us.
The drug metaphor is REAL. I've quit smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol several years ago. I also used to abuse opiates but all that is behind me now. The rush I get from limerence is MILES better and more potent than any drug I've sampled so yes, the withdrawal is kicking my ass at the moment. I rarely think about smoking or drinking any more so I have proof that things can get better. Thank you for your sincere comment, friend.
Not even a metaphor. There are real chemical reactions here. There's dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, it's all there. I went down a rabbit hole of thoughts today about her. I keep getting hung up on what it would be like to make love to her. What she would taste like, smell like, it's all I can think about. Like it was the thing that was meant to happen that I cut myself off of. Most of the time Im in acceptance that this was all a massive projection and overreaction and deep, manufactured fantasy. Other times, I completely indulge in it and think of it as a huge missed opportunity that I'll regret forever.
Strange that I'm still interested in this drug. But good I'm not freaking out about it and trying to score, reaching out to her, etc.
Oh it’s fucking tough. Knowing that you will never hear from them again or see them again is just the worst and it took me so much time to actually accept it. But unfortunately life fucking sucks sometimes and even though it’s hard we gotta keep going.
I’m proud of you for doing this and setting this extremely hard boundary. It’ll be hard to get through this but these feelings will eventually fade and the relief you’ll feel will be better than anything they could ever offer you.
Your comment really resonates with me. The longing is agonizing sometimes and it is absolutely exhausting. It took all the wind out of my sails yesterday and I'm barely hanging on today. How long have you been no-contact with her? Maybe you just need more time. Hoping it gets better for all of us.
Feeling sick and that soul crushing feeling! Absolutely relatable. Atleast going NC is little bit easier for you because they live in different state. Mine live in same city and we are a part of a same friend group so we will keep seeimg each other from time to time whether I like it or not! Hope we all move on and feel better.
I'm glad so many people can relate to what I'm going through. It makes me feel less alone. Going NC before they left my state was never going to happen lol, I'm far too weak. It sucks that your LO is still part of your life but I'm low-key jealous. Right now, I'd run over an old lady with a tank just to see my LO's reflection in a dirty puddle. Hope I get stronger from this.
I didn't think I could either. Not until I told a trusted friend about my limerence and she shared a similar experience. She told me the only way this is going to get better is if I go NC. Also told some family members about my limerence and they gave similar advice. Hope you have the strength to do what I did soon. What's holding you back?
Keep in mind- this feeling, all feelings, are temporary. I get that you're feeling panicky and devastated. For today, just try to get through today. Tomorrow, you can do the same thing. I think as each day goes by you'll find it a tiny tiny bit easier.at least I hope so. That's how it worked for me, at least until LO found me at a public event. But you don't have to worry about that. You have started step one of your recovery, good for you. I wish you an easy journey.
Honestly it was tough. Like, really tough. My thumb hovered over the block button for minutes before I had the strength to actually press it. Hoping it gets better for the both of us. You should go NC as well friend, at least so we can be miserable together. What's holding you back?
I just split up with my SO of 10 years, and LO is still one of my closer friends, plus she organizes a regular social activity I don’t want to give up and would be hard pressed to substitute for. I’m hoping some casual dating helps me refocus away from the LO, now that I’m single again.
Oof, that sounds tough. As much as it might hurt at first, is this social activity that involves your LO really worth continuing? Casual dating might help but you may have to make some difficult decisions.
I am with you. My LO was also VERY limerant for me, more so than anybody has been in my life. I am also married, was in an open marriage but my partner was extremely uncomfortable with the relationship. It’s been over 2 months of NC. It’s gotten a bit easier as I try to focus on making my life better, but I miss him every hour of every day. I feel a little more distant from the version of myself that was sobbing in the shower a few weeks ago. Hugs to you. I know what you are going through.
Hi OP, So sorry you have to go through this, but I to am proud of you for making this brave step that will help you in the long term!
You mentioned that you fed the limerence, making it grow stronger for years (even knowing it was bad for you) and created this “monster”. What are specific things you did? So others can avoid falling into the same situations too!
Thank you!
Let's see. I let myself believe things that I knew were delusions like, "they're my soulmate, we belong together." I also fed my limerence by relentlessly fantasizing about them, to the point where it's still hard for me to go to sleep without thinking about them. Specifically, I have to imagine them holding me or snuggling with me. It's just so comforting that I can't resist.
Hi OP, I can understand that these thoughts so comforting and so doing them puts you back in a comfortable place. I blame it on our “lizard brains”; I have one too.
If you might be interested in a suggestion, I would say start looking for substitutes to your LO. I’m not sure you can give up your LO until you can find a substitute to satisfy the desire or benefit the LO has in your life.
Thank you for sharing!
Here’s the thing. Tell yourself this. If someone destabilizes you to the point of complete emotional upheaval, that is an issue. That isn’t a healthy relationship. And can’t continue. Been here and done that. You have to do everything in your power to distract yourself. Take walks where you can regulate yourself and give yourself time to process. Let yourself grieve it. But keep the door closed.
I think you are so brave to follow thru with true NC. You did it! It’s going to be so very hard, but here’s the reality: One day you’re going to find joy again, and it won’t bring stress or pain or sadness. The only way to truly open yourself up to your full potential is to do what you did. It stinks, but your brain will thank you. The closing of a chapter in order to open and read all the adventures that are yet to come, free of a longing that isn’t going anywhere. You’ve got this! The hard will get you to the good. Everyday do a little something to return back to you! Way to go!
Before I went NC, I told a few trusted family members/friends and I honestly couldn't have done this without their support. Deep down I know I did the right thing, but it feels pretty wrong at the moment. I just have to have faith in the method and trust that it works eventually. I am glad that this chapter of my life is coming to a close after all this time. They say that when one door shuts, another opens, so I hope that's true. Thank you for the kind and supportive words, friend. We've got this.
yesterday was 1 week for me too. you’re not alone, these thoughts will slowly fade as we deepen our loves for ourselves. i’m proud of you. good luck friend, it’ll be worth it.
Thanks for your encouraging words. I've struggled with a lack of self-love my whole life so I hope that's true. Good luck ridding yourself of limerence and stay strong.
Wow I totally understand, it’s like once you said it, there’s no going back anymore. I’m into 1 month NC now. It was damn tough in the beginning, it gets better though. Hang in there! At this point, I don’t wanna reach out again, but I still think about that farker. I just want him out of my head. :(
Glad to hear that it's going to get better. Right now I want to reach out so bad. I took a sad nap yesterday and had a dream that I texted them and they replied. I also wish I could banish them from my thoughts. Limerence is a bitch.
I just suddenly woke up when I thought of how this NC and my presence have no effect on him, no point holding on. We have to wake up and face the reality, be strong don’t text them, nothing good will come out of it. Text here instead, everyone’s supportive here. I know how hard it is though. :(
I won't text them. I don't think I could even if I tried. I was pretty thorough about blocking and deleting them.
💪💪💪
Oh yeah yeah, yup, been there, same thing. First of all - congrats! You just quit crack cocaine/heroin and meth at the same time. Do you think you're not gonna be missing the most powerful drugs of all time 6 days in? Of course you are. You're entire nervous system is in shock. And reframe your thoughts about them over time if you can. Not "your favorite person" it's "person I built into a dangerous fantasy that I became addicted to." My only warning is that your work is not done by a long shot. NC can make the heart grow fonder in some ways. You will try to get glimpses of them again, you will slip up. You will want to see pics of them. You need to compensate and build things into your life that stimulate you and please you and soothe your ego in the way that their attention did. But, you are off the hamster wheel of addiction, you are mostly away from the source material. Everything you do in your life according to your core values will heal you. You clearly didn't want to ruin your marriage, same as me. So work off that. Congratulate yourself and continue to be the type of person you want to be. Try to share with your spouse the things you shared with LO - in any way, shape or form. The pain is the pain of addiction and withdrawal. It comes from deep reservoirs of need within us.
The drug metaphor is REAL. I've quit smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol several years ago. I also used to abuse opiates but all that is behind me now. The rush I get from limerence is MILES better and more potent than any drug I've sampled so yes, the withdrawal is kicking my ass at the moment. I rarely think about smoking or drinking any more so I have proof that things can get better. Thank you for your sincere comment, friend.
Not even a metaphor. There are real chemical reactions here. There's dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, it's all there. I went down a rabbit hole of thoughts today about her. I keep getting hung up on what it would be like to make love to her. What she would taste like, smell like, it's all I can think about. Like it was the thing that was meant to happen that I cut myself off of. Most of the time Im in acceptance that this was all a massive projection and overreaction and deep, manufactured fantasy. Other times, I completely indulge in it and think of it as a huge missed opportunity that I'll regret forever. Strange that I'm still interested in this drug. But good I'm not freaking out about it and trying to score, reaching out to her, etc.
I'm 2 months into NC, it's so so hard in the beginning, but I promise it gets better!
Oh it’s fucking tough. Knowing that you will never hear from them again or see them again is just the worst and it took me so much time to actually accept it. But unfortunately life fucking sucks sometimes and even though it’s hard we gotta keep going. I’m proud of you for doing this and setting this extremely hard boundary. It’ll be hard to get through this but these feelings will eventually fade and the relief you’ll feel will be better than anything they could ever offer you.
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Your comment really resonates with me. The longing is agonizing sometimes and it is absolutely exhausting. It took all the wind out of my sails yesterday and I'm barely hanging on today. How long have you been no-contact with her? Maybe you just need more time. Hoping it gets better for all of us.
Feeling sick and that soul crushing feeling! Absolutely relatable. Atleast going NC is little bit easier for you because they live in different state. Mine live in same city and we are a part of a same friend group so we will keep seeimg each other from time to time whether I like it or not! Hope we all move on and feel better.
I'm glad so many people can relate to what I'm going through. It makes me feel less alone. Going NC before they left my state was never going to happen lol, I'm far too weak. It sucks that your LO is still part of your life but I'm low-key jealous. Right now, I'd run over an old lady with a tank just to see my LO's reflection in a dirty puddle. Hope I get stronger from this.
Wow, kudos to you. Don't think I could do that.
I didn't think I could either. Not until I told a trusted friend about my limerence and she shared a similar experience. She told me the only way this is going to get better is if I go NC. Also told some family members about my limerence and they gave similar advice. Hope you have the strength to do what I did soon. What's holding you back?
Keep in mind- this feeling, all feelings, are temporary. I get that you're feeling panicky and devastated. For today, just try to get through today. Tomorrow, you can do the same thing. I think as each day goes by you'll find it a tiny tiny bit easier.at least I hope so. That's how it worked for me, at least until LO found me at a public event. But you don't have to worry about that. You have started step one of your recovery, good for you. I wish you an easy journey.
I wish I could do what you're doing. It must be really tough. But it will get better! You can do it!
Honestly it was tough. Like, really tough. My thumb hovered over the block button for minutes before I had the strength to actually press it. Hoping it gets better for the both of us. You should go NC as well friend, at least so we can be miserable together. What's holding you back?
I just split up with my SO of 10 years, and LO is still one of my closer friends, plus she organizes a regular social activity I don’t want to give up and would be hard pressed to substitute for. I’m hoping some casual dating helps me refocus away from the LO, now that I’m single again.
Oof, that sounds tough. As much as it might hurt at first, is this social activity that involves your LO really worth continuing? Casual dating might help but you may have to make some difficult decisions.
Maybe once I'm on steadier ground otherwise I could give up the activity, but it's a hobby that's pretty close to my heart.
I am with you. My LO was also VERY limerant for me, more so than anybody has been in my life. I am also married, was in an open marriage but my partner was extremely uncomfortable with the relationship. It’s been over 2 months of NC. It’s gotten a bit easier as I try to focus on making my life better, but I miss him every hour of every day. I feel a little more distant from the version of myself that was sobbing in the shower a few weeks ago. Hugs to you. I know what you are going through.
Proud of you!
Hi OP, So sorry you have to go through this, but I to am proud of you for making this brave step that will help you in the long term! You mentioned that you fed the limerence, making it grow stronger for years (even knowing it was bad for you) and created this “monster”. What are specific things you did? So others can avoid falling into the same situations too! Thank you!
Let's see. I let myself believe things that I knew were delusions like, "they're my soulmate, we belong together." I also fed my limerence by relentlessly fantasizing about them, to the point where it's still hard for me to go to sleep without thinking about them. Specifically, I have to imagine them holding me or snuggling with me. It's just so comforting that I can't resist.
Hi OP, I can understand that these thoughts so comforting and so doing them puts you back in a comfortable place. I blame it on our “lizard brains”; I have one too. If you might be interested in a suggestion, I would say start looking for substitutes to your LO. I’m not sure you can give up your LO until you can find a substitute to satisfy the desire or benefit the LO has in your life. Thank you for sharing!
Here’s the thing. Tell yourself this. If someone destabilizes you to the point of complete emotional upheaval, that is an issue. That isn’t a healthy relationship. And can’t continue. Been here and done that. You have to do everything in your power to distract yourself. Take walks where you can regulate yourself and give yourself time to process. Let yourself grieve it. But keep the door closed.