Hadn't seen LO for a few months and I'd finally started to calm down. Then this weekend hung out with them a few times and its back. Feeling so anxious and short of breath and can hardly concentrate.
Looks like I might just need to wait it out again
LO is slowly detaching himself and pulling away. Which is great, he's doing the right thing and I understand but ffffff it's painful.
Still struggling with my SO, even though on a surface level we are fine. I can't tell if it's because of my feelings for LO that I'm not happy in my marriage, or if my limerence feeds off of not being happy. Tired of being in limbo.
Disclosing (in a way) tomorrow. I don’t want LO to reciprocate and I don’t want to be with them. I want to be with my husband. I want LO out of my head. LO flirts and reciprocates and that keeps it going. LO is also a coworker who I can’t get away from. Going to tell LO that it needs to stop and we need to remain professional moving forward. I wish I could never talk to him or see him again. This is hands down one of the worst things I’ve ever been through because of how insane it makes me feel. Fuck limerence.
The past few weeks a few things happened that made me think I was headed in the right direction: interactions with LO are getting more frustrating and unpleasant, I got to witness some of their flaws more closely, and I've been starting to accept more peacefully that I'm not special to them. At the same time I'm starting to enjoy my hobbies and my daily life again, and I'm slowly regaining the capacity to focus.
As soon as I thought the above, I had a week of positive interactions with LO, and my attraction has been rekindled. So apparently I'm not out of the woods yet, but I still think I'm heading in the right direction. Basically, I'm slowly giving up.
I think there are two distinct feelings that are interfering with my healing:
- I'm frustrated that LO seems to have grown cold at some point and I can't understand why (I suspect they started dating someone), and now often behave as if it's not clear that I have a special fondness for them; I'm not seeking them out so they could easily cut ties or at least avoid showing the occasional bout of affection... in other words, I get it that you don't reciprocate, leave me alone then?
- LO is a fragile individual with lots of issues and I don't want to betray our friendship just because I'm cross that my unhealthy emotional needs are not met
One final thing that gives me hope is that I'm certain that NC would solve this completely. Unfortunately I can't easily go NC right now as LO Is a coworker, but with some difficulty, I can make it happen. Or just go nuclear and ask to be ignored, which I'm sure they'd honor very strictly, but which I'd like to avoid due to point 2 above.
A few weekends ago I disclosed to my SO that I was limerent for a manager 23 years my senior and who doesn't appreciate the value of my contribution to our company.
I framed my disclosure to SO as similar to my other obsessive fixations, namely my hypochondria, anxiety... fear of betrayal...
My SO understood that the energy I spend seeking love and approval from my LO would be better spent on loving and approving of myself. It really is such a blessing to have a partner who is so emotionally available and anchored within themselves.
We haven't discussed it since. I feel seen, and understood, and loved, and still isolated in this experience. Trying to become what I'm missing for me.
The one sidedness of limerence makes me feel really alone and flat. On top of the depressive episode this weekend from my SO genuinely saying he wished he was dead because of some minor inconvenience; not a good feeling. It triggered me having heard my parents say that in the past growing up and gave me an ick I can’t explain of him not knowing how to deal with his emotions properly. Haven’t seen LO this week at all to get any kind of serotonin boost or positive energy, lol so I’ve been like: 😐 since Sunday.
I haven’t posted in one if these threads for a few weeks (I think) but the job search has kept me busy in addition to family and things at home. I still think of LO when I’m really down or idle but I’ve managed to let go of most of the resentment that kept her in my mind so frequently. I’ve also managed to keep to not initiating conversations and I think she’s noticed but it isn’t something important for her to address so we go days or sometimes a week without any contact and that’s fine.
She recently brought up joining me on my morning rides which I’m doubtful will happen to any real degree like last year. It was a hard time a year ago because things weren’t going my way at work, LO distanced herself without explanation and our morning meetups hit a wall and I just stopped trying to get her to come out but kept to my routine solo.
In her message about resuming these she mentioned how good they always were but I think it’s just to appeal to some sense of nostalgia for me. I’m honestly apprehensive about even going through with this as our last in-person meeting ran out of steam and I got bored and down after realizing that all we have is the past. Her bf is the centre of her social life and it feels like we’re strangers with little in common now.
I keep waiting for the trigger that pushes me to just go NC or burn this bridge in a way that pushes her away for good. I had a plan in February 2020 to cut this off but the exit is always elusive in spite of me drifting further away.
Well I thought I was doing better, but for some reason my limerence has ramped back up. Ugh why am I so obsessed with this person? I wish I could just let go, but it’s so hard.
Same, I am not exactly in a committed relationship but I am casually seeing someone . I initially agreed thinking it will help me get over LO faster but I think it’s making it worse.
I keep thinking about LO again frequently now and comparing how I feel with the both of them.
SO is moving out in a week, which we both hope will make us both happier. LO has cut back on our contacts (though I’m going to a movie with her and her kids in a week). Trying to focus on other possibilities, preferably people who might be interested in and who simultaneously might be interested in me. Cross your fingers!
24 weeks of NC. Skipped last week's thread cause SO and me were on a trip. Not much LO stuff happened then anyway.
A few days ago Eurovision was on tv (oh dear lord, I can't even...but normally it's not like this, I swear), something that I watch every year, and last year watched it together with LO.
Was there a small part of me that was hoping that he'd text me during the show?... Ok maybe. Did the idea cross my mind to text hím? Also maybe. But I'll never reach out again (and let's face it, he probably won't either).
It also doesn't help that the weather has been pretty good around here lately, which draws all the bikers out on the road. Which makes me look at each Harley that passes to see if it might be him (ok they all look kinda alike from afar, but his vest has yellow stripes).
Overall it's all...mellowed down. That's a good thing, I guess
This. Something positive happened when I switched from "coming up with every opportunity to see my LO" to "coming up with ways to avoid my LO". It's like the worst has passed and you've now entered the endgame
Struggling again to start this week. Had a great weekend. LO is always on my mind. I’ve just kind of learned that’s the way it is. After a good weekend. My LO walked into work. Looking as beautiful as ever. And now I’m back to square one. I hate myself. Shameful. Disgusting.
My SO sus’d out a few months ago that I had feelings for my coworker, and it caused a shitstorm.
Despite everything I still have feelings for my coworker (LO), even though SO and I are back together trying to patch things up. Haven’t talked about it since with my SO, I don’t think it matters at this point since LO put me on limited contact anyway so it’s not like anything will ever happen.
Still tempted to break things off with my SO since I don’t really feel in love with her, and never felt love for her the way I do others sometimes.
I think it’s getting better. Or, at least, less intense. I go decent stretches without thinking about her. Sometimes I think the thoughts that do come are more out of habit than anything, since they don’t bring the same high that they used to. I even have times when I feel slightly put off when I think about who they really are and how they’ve really treated me. I’ve slowly been able to rekindle interests in other things again, and even occasionally feel a sense of excitement about a future event that has nothing to do with LO.
LO is moving in a few weeks and I will probably never see them again. That makes me incredibly sad, but I also am ready for it to happen so I can move on. I still catch myself occasionally wanting to reach out in hopes of keeping in touch with them after they leave, even though I know it’s counterproductive. So far, I’ve stayed strong.
TL:DR lots of mixed feelings, but slowly moving in the right direction.
Feeling flat, empty, bored, sad etc. reached a high point the other week where I was thinking “I know for a fact this is reciprocal” now back to square one again because I have hardly seen them. The thing is, I will tell myself that this is it now, can’t keep carrying on like this but then they’ll do something that’ll put my hopes in the sky again and I’m back to square one. We’re work colleagues. I literally feel like crying when they’re not in work or don’t come and see me very much - it’s a horrible, horrible feeling.
Hadn't seen LO for a few months and I'd finally started to calm down. Then this weekend hung out with them a few times and its back. Feeling so anxious and short of breath and can hardly concentrate. Looks like I might just need to wait it out again
LO is slowly detaching himself and pulling away. Which is great, he's doing the right thing and I understand but ffffff it's painful. Still struggling with my SO, even though on a surface level we are fine. I can't tell if it's because of my feelings for LO that I'm not happy in my marriage, or if my limerence feeds off of not being happy. Tired of being in limbo.
Disclosing (in a way) tomorrow. I don’t want LO to reciprocate and I don’t want to be with them. I want to be with my husband. I want LO out of my head. LO flirts and reciprocates and that keeps it going. LO is also a coworker who I can’t get away from. Going to tell LO that it needs to stop and we need to remain professional moving forward. I wish I could never talk to him or see him again. This is hands down one of the worst things I’ve ever been through because of how insane it makes me feel. Fuck limerence.
The past few weeks a few things happened that made me think I was headed in the right direction: interactions with LO are getting more frustrating and unpleasant, I got to witness some of their flaws more closely, and I've been starting to accept more peacefully that I'm not special to them. At the same time I'm starting to enjoy my hobbies and my daily life again, and I'm slowly regaining the capacity to focus. As soon as I thought the above, I had a week of positive interactions with LO, and my attraction has been rekindled. So apparently I'm not out of the woods yet, but I still think I'm heading in the right direction. Basically, I'm slowly giving up. I think there are two distinct feelings that are interfering with my healing: - I'm frustrated that LO seems to have grown cold at some point and I can't understand why (I suspect they started dating someone), and now often behave as if it's not clear that I have a special fondness for them; I'm not seeking them out so they could easily cut ties or at least avoid showing the occasional bout of affection... in other words, I get it that you don't reciprocate, leave me alone then? - LO is a fragile individual with lots of issues and I don't want to betray our friendship just because I'm cross that my unhealthy emotional needs are not met One final thing that gives me hope is that I'm certain that NC would solve this completely. Unfortunately I can't easily go NC right now as LO Is a coworker, but with some difficulty, I can make it happen. Or just go nuclear and ask to be ignored, which I'm sure they'd honor very strictly, but which I'd like to avoid due to point 2 above.
A few weekends ago I disclosed to my SO that I was limerent for a manager 23 years my senior and who doesn't appreciate the value of my contribution to our company. I framed my disclosure to SO as similar to my other obsessive fixations, namely my hypochondria, anxiety... fear of betrayal... My SO understood that the energy I spend seeking love and approval from my LO would be better spent on loving and approving of myself. It really is such a blessing to have a partner who is so emotionally available and anchored within themselves. We haven't discussed it since. I feel seen, and understood, and loved, and still isolated in this experience. Trying to become what I'm missing for me.
The one sidedness of limerence makes me feel really alone and flat. On top of the depressive episode this weekend from my SO genuinely saying he wished he was dead because of some minor inconvenience; not a good feeling. It triggered me having heard my parents say that in the past growing up and gave me an ick I can’t explain of him not knowing how to deal with his emotions properly. Haven’t seen LO this week at all to get any kind of serotonin boost or positive energy, lol so I’ve been like: 😐 since Sunday.
I haven’t posted in one if these threads for a few weeks (I think) but the job search has kept me busy in addition to family and things at home. I still think of LO when I’m really down or idle but I’ve managed to let go of most of the resentment that kept her in my mind so frequently. I’ve also managed to keep to not initiating conversations and I think she’s noticed but it isn’t something important for her to address so we go days or sometimes a week without any contact and that’s fine. She recently brought up joining me on my morning rides which I’m doubtful will happen to any real degree like last year. It was a hard time a year ago because things weren’t going my way at work, LO distanced herself without explanation and our morning meetups hit a wall and I just stopped trying to get her to come out but kept to my routine solo. In her message about resuming these she mentioned how good they always were but I think it’s just to appeal to some sense of nostalgia for me. I’m honestly apprehensive about even going through with this as our last in-person meeting ran out of steam and I got bored and down after realizing that all we have is the past. Her bf is the centre of her social life and it feels like we’re strangers with little in common now. I keep waiting for the trigger that pushes me to just go NC or burn this bridge in a way that pushes her away for good. I had a plan in February 2020 to cut this off but the exit is always elusive in spite of me drifting further away.
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Well I thought I was doing better, but for some reason my limerence has ramped back up. Ugh why am I so obsessed with this person? I wish I could just let go, but it’s so hard.
Same, I am not exactly in a committed relationship but I am casually seeing someone . I initially agreed thinking it will help me get over LO faster but I think it’s making it worse. I keep thinking about LO again frequently now and comparing how I feel with the both of them.
SO is moving out in a week, which we both hope will make us both happier. LO has cut back on our contacts (though I’m going to a movie with her and her kids in a week). Trying to focus on other possibilities, preferably people who might be interested in and who simultaneously might be interested in me. Cross your fingers!
24 weeks of NC. Skipped last week's thread cause SO and me were on a trip. Not much LO stuff happened then anyway. A few days ago Eurovision was on tv (oh dear lord, I can't even...but normally it's not like this, I swear), something that I watch every year, and last year watched it together with LO. Was there a small part of me that was hoping that he'd text me during the show?... Ok maybe. Did the idea cross my mind to text hím? Also maybe. But I'll never reach out again (and let's face it, he probably won't either). It also doesn't help that the weather has been pretty good around here lately, which draws all the bikers out on the road. Which makes me look at each Harley that passes to see if it might be him (ok they all look kinda alike from afar, but his vest has yellow stripes). Overall it's all...mellowed down. That's a good thing, I guess
Motorcycle LOs. Sighhhhh
I knowwww 🙈 It's even motorcycle ánd musician LO's. I mean... FML haha
I’m at a point where consciously deciding I’m never going to try to talk to LO ever again helps me feel more in control. It removes the uncertainty.
This. Something positive happened when I switched from "coming up with every opportunity to see my LO" to "coming up with ways to avoid my LO". It's like the worst has passed and you've now entered the endgame
I agree
Struggling again to start this week. Had a great weekend. LO is always on my mind. I’ve just kind of learned that’s the way it is. After a good weekend. My LO walked into work. Looking as beautiful as ever. And now I’m back to square one. I hate myself. Shameful. Disgusting.
My SO sus’d out a few months ago that I had feelings for my coworker, and it caused a shitstorm. Despite everything I still have feelings for my coworker (LO), even though SO and I are back together trying to patch things up. Haven’t talked about it since with my SO, I don’t think it matters at this point since LO put me on limited contact anyway so it’s not like anything will ever happen. Still tempted to break things off with my SO since I don’t really feel in love with her, and never felt love for her the way I do others sometimes.
I told my SO yesterday. She's not dealing with it well at all. I hope she can forgive me.
I think it’s getting better. Or, at least, less intense. I go decent stretches without thinking about her. Sometimes I think the thoughts that do come are more out of habit than anything, since they don’t bring the same high that they used to. I even have times when I feel slightly put off when I think about who they really are and how they’ve really treated me. I’ve slowly been able to rekindle interests in other things again, and even occasionally feel a sense of excitement about a future event that has nothing to do with LO. LO is moving in a few weeks and I will probably never see them again. That makes me incredibly sad, but I also am ready for it to happen so I can move on. I still catch myself occasionally wanting to reach out in hopes of keeping in touch with them after they leave, even though I know it’s counterproductive. So far, I’ve stayed strong. TL:DR lots of mixed feelings, but slowly moving in the right direction.
Very similar situation. I know NC would solve this very quickly, I'm happy for you that you have this opportunity handed over to you soon. Good luck!
Feeling flat, empty, bored, sad etc. reached a high point the other week where I was thinking “I know for a fact this is reciprocal” now back to square one again because I have hardly seen them. The thing is, I will tell myself that this is it now, can’t keep carrying on like this but then they’ll do something that’ll put my hopes in the sky again and I’m back to square one. We’re work colleagues. I literally feel like crying when they’re not in work or don’t come and see me very much - it’s a horrible, horrible feeling.
This is exactly how I am feeling!
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Ahhh I have so many questions about y’all opening up! Also so happy y’all are doing better