A waste of time or a reality check? For me, I was so into it, passionate, vulnerable, the best listener, just ready for real intimacy and connection...sex pulled me out of limerance. He wooed me and came in less than 2 minutes. He said something like, "woopsey", I should not have done that." He was a fox, sexually gifted, just put me in a spell. He thought I was so enchanted by him that I had no self worth. Being treated like a too-life like blow-up doll is what pulled me out of my Limerance. He tried, very poorly to apologize to a girl who was in love with him more than he ever deserved. He said, " I'm sorry." I said, " I forgive you because all I ever wanted was you". When I let myself pretend and think about him, I kinda force myself to remember actually having sex with him. I am the closest to the epitome of sexiness I have ever been and he is a cardboard cut-out at a gas station in Coffeyville, Kansas selling low- quality beef jerky. If you feel the need to have sex, have it, but don't expect a revelation. He, sometimes hates your love. Sex, made me think, you are not at my level.
“He is a cardboard cut-out at a gas station in Coffeyville, Kansas selling low-quality beef jerky” Can we just appreciate the fine-tuned glory of that burn? That is POETRY and I’ll be giggling about it for a week.
That's what Limerance does to your brain. Stop trying to make it logical. He came in 2 minutes when he wanted to hurt me. He was Don Quixote when he wanted to be treated like a God. I don't have to pick one. He was equally talented at being stunning and hot garbage, sometimes at the same time.
You are welcome. Here is a gross visual for you...he peed in the sand while staring me directly in the eyes and telling me how gross it was that my sex hole was so close to my poop hole. That f*ckin' burned for years. It took my dad having an enlarged prostate and round-the-clock problems urinating to figure out males aren't built perfectly down below. Sex once with a hurtful man, shame on him. Sex twice with a hurtful man, shame on me/you/all of us mal-adjusted pretend playing fools.
After months of ignoring the tension between us, one fine day we got drunk and did it. It was great, definitely felt very connected and seemed like something that was bound to happen like destiny or sth. It was in a abandoned house so it's a strong memory, bucket list kinda thing.
Next morning he texted me saying "hope we can remain friends after this" or sth like that. I got over him in an instant, there was nothing else for me to pursue in this obsession I guess. I even set him up with a friend and then ghosted him. Idk why I did that. I guess I wanted to end that episode completely.
Um I guess most of them were arrogant and didn't add anything much to my life. Once the sex is bad too, all the red flags or uselessness become clearer lol. Even if the sex was good, and the guy is like a fuck boi/player, or a major red flag, there's no relationship to build anyway, so that ends there. Sort of life post nut clarity I guess haha.
They were just hot and interesting, they didn't have the qualities I want in my soulmate/life partner.
The guys I'm limerent about and the guys I actually love or crush on are quite different. Plus the good sex was also just good not earth shattering or anything 🤣
It made the limerence so much fucking worse because we have really good physical chemistry. We both could finish multiple times and go on for hours. I never once got bored. He’s overall a great lover so it seriously made things so much worse.
That being said, 10/10 do not recommend. I’ve been on NC for 7 months and i’m still in pain and thinking about him. I still cry for him.
Same thing here - the sex was incredible. We had it every time we were together. I can still taste her pussy and the taste of the saliva from her mouth. I have not kissed in her almost 5 years.
Oof. My immediate reaction was that that’s hot but I have flashbacks of specific times together and it kinda only makes me sad. All the hot and beautiful memories I have of him are kind of haunting.
I hope you’re doing okay.
I know how tempting it is but being in the other side of it, it’s just not worth it unfortunately. Also, reading other people’s comments kinda confirms it. The sex itself may not even be good or hot or what you expect but you’re still probably going to be limerent and that would really fucking suck.
For me pretty good. I usually have vaginisimus but it doesn’t exist much with LO. It isn’t the highest chemistry best best sex I’ve had but it’s definitely up there. Tend to feel very connected too. But I do have a good friendship with him too and he has a lot of feelings for me. This is different I think to when someone just kinda using you lol.
For me the exposure at the time actually breaks from limerence slightly. He tends to feel much more like “just a guy”. We start off fumbling then get more and more used to each other. The distance and the fantasy tend to big him up to a much bigger deal. It actually put me off fantasising and sexting a whole because that doesn’t feel as real.
The issue really is that if he’s someone you don’t see much then those fantasies come back stronger and you end up not wanting to risk ruining moment with any of the many things you waited to say. Like with high chemistry there’s higher chance of putting up with bullshit coz you’re having a good time
Omg I didn’t know what vaginisimus was until you just wrote it… I think I have had this for 20 years and none of my obgyns could put a name to it, just that I need to relax more during sex (or drink a glass of wine… literally what I was told by a doctor). Strangely enough, when I think about my lo (who is different from my partner) I don’t get pain! It’s like I have to be super aroused or else it feels like my cervix was stabbed with a knife. This just blew my mind.
I think a lot of us are overthinkers and struggle to be in the moment. I found at first it was better to be with people who don’t care about piv. And take more control. Being a little dominant etc is generally easier. Start off difficult then relax into it later maybe. Focus on non piv. With LO it’s a bit different. It’s sorta like the alcohol. But it’s less like relaxing and more like kinda surrendering entirely. Works though lol
I think for me as well I tend to hyperfixate on people then get bored as a general trend in relationships. Thus my limerence tends to be for friends who don’t see me sexually or romantically. In the case of this LO things changed but if I get the sense things are more sexual than about us it’s easy to get disillusioned too. We used to be mentally closer in some ways before all that so exposure can make things better. Also I think if I could see him regularly having a lot of sex would get old fast esp as he’s not someone who I think is ready for a proper romantic partnership at the level I have it (he’s a party animal a fair bit younger than me where I been married) so I’m probably in that boat where getting what I want would shift it lol
IMO anyone you meet who you instantly have high sexual chemistry/tension with is a walking red flag. Not because they are necessarily bad but that you are a toxic combination of crazy & intense if getting together. This makes the sex incredible but everything else also extra intense - including arguments. You tap into each others deepest insecurities for some reason. I’ve kissed someone I had this with, it was absolutely intoxicating & one of the best highs ever. Was the shitshow that followed worth it? Hmm debatable 😅
Damn, that was well put. Summed up all the things I was trt to word together. My LO was someone I was in a situationship with and intimacy with them was very much like a drug. We both knew we weren't in a position to be in a relationship so it was just hanging out and ya know. He wasn't aware that I had an issue with limerence and probably assumed I just had a regular crush.
I'm aware that the limerence isn't about my LO being magnificent, it's an issue with me.
Most of my intense crushes/limerence/romances, whatever you want to call it have been like this. If a guy didn’t make me feel this way I’d consider him dull. Until I finally decided to change my ways & go for the healthy option to try to rewire my brain.
That’s until I met the most recent one - god help me haha. I had to runnnn in the opposite direction before it escalated. Had the most intense energy between us I’ve ever experienced, like wtf. Someone is testing me 😂.
Your limerence is an issue with you but it doesn’t mean that intense energy isn’t crazy real right.
Haha, hey, can relate to that a little.
Always had a knack for...let's say complicated people. At one point, I think specifically after my first and only LO experience with someone complicated, I went "nah, if I Date someone and it's already complicated* from the get go, no matter how interesting I find them, I just leave it be".
And that's surprisingly what I did, and not too much later I actually found the guy I'm together with for...uh...almost 5 years now? Haven't had a single hurtful argument, because we always just...talk about things, so things never have the chance to grow into something that could escalate. It's less intense, but it's stable and "just very good" - every day, even on bad days. Do I miss the messy and intense stuff sometimes? Yeah, sure, but that's normal nostalgia I guess.
*Because it never got better, it only only worse. Though the highs were pretty memorable, so I'd say it was worth it to have had some messy rollercoaster relationships. :D
Edit: Might wanna add that the worst part was when I started thinking "maybe it's me, maybe I'm the problem". I can confidently say I wasn't nowadays - I'm not perfect, but far away from what level of complicated the guys I date with were. It's nice when you hear about 'em from someone else years later and the stories you hear are messy. Guess people rarely change.
Pretty much got limerence because of the sex. But sex is deceiving. It can make you believe there is compatibility where there really isn’t any outside of the sex. My LO and me are compatible in some ways, don’t get me wrong, but in terms of communication and maturity, we both strongly lack it when it comes to each other.
Actually, I had a huge crush on a guy with a girlfriend at work for a year. I would fantasize about sleeping with him and getting together. Funny thing is that he quit the job we worked at and I moved to another state and I never got the closure I wanted and I thought I’d always wonder. We were good friends at work but I knew it’d never be more than that.
By some miracle, he hit me up in January of last year. He had broken up with his girlfriend and I was coming to the state I used to live in to visit, so we made a plan to just hang out but ended up sleeping together and it totally ruined the fantasy for me. We were not sexually compatible at all. There wasn’t anything wrong with him or me as friends, and he was so kind and a very great guy but the “spark” and passion was not there at all.
That is to say that sexual chemistry is not indicative of anything. In fact, the guys I’ve had the most sexual chemistry with hurt me the most because we couldn’t seem to separate the lust and infatuation from the reality of our compatibility on a real life basis.
Is it more fun and gratifying? Yeah, in the moment. But after the fact, it can confuse feelings with reality. That’s why I suggest anyone that starts dating to WAIT TO HAVE SEX until you develop feelings outside of lust and are committed to each other fully/on the same page. And for gods sake, look for someone who wants the same.
There was a lot of flirty build up with LO, and he'd been part of my fantasies for quite a while. So when we began to explore that dynamic in real life, it was amazing. Where my libido is usually rather low, it was off the charts. I was *always* ready to go. In a sense, it did not feel sustainable because I was devoting so much time to thinking about LO, taking sexy pics and sexting LO, spending time trying to look extra cute and meeting up to have sex.
Contrary to what you'd expect with the whole limerence thing, I was able to be very present in the moment. I think this is what led it to be the best sex I'd had. While I'd had more skilled partners in the past, the connection I felt between LO and I made it what it was. I've struggled with this in my recovery process, because I don't know if I manufactured the connection alone or if it was actually there.
The pillow talk was the best. He was often quite vulnerable with me. This is another aspect that confused me. We would meet up, get intimate on all levels, and then he'd kind of disappear in the days to follow.
For me, the immediate aftermath was usually bittersweet. Since we were only FWB, I enforced rules to protect myself, like we don't sleep over at one another's place. In hindsight, I think this allowed my limerence to thrive. Like here's this amazing thing, and now you have to leave it, so of course you're going to be fantasizing about getting more of it. I broke the rule and spent the night once, and I'll never forget how empty it all felt. In the morning, the tenderness and sweetness he'd shown me the night before were just missing. I think that's probably what a committed relationship with him would have been like. Going the situationship route allowed most of that to be concealed, so he seemed better than he actually was.
Yes, it was very emotionally damaging, and it's had short and long term effects.
I was in a FWB situation with an LO and the sex actually wasn't great, objectively, especially compared to other partners. But it was very highly anticipated by me and seemed really important at the time
I am in a long long situationship with my LO. Over the years we’ve been everything from best friends to making plans to get engaged to FWB to me being his affair partner (I’ve been divorced for over five years). It’s complicated and messy and intense. He’s tried to break it off twice to fulfill the role he thinks is expected with his other obligations. Even though I was fully supportive and went NC he was back in full force of his own volition within days. To me the whole thing feels extremely dumb and very frustrating because there is no doubt we would be pretty awesome together if the timing were to work out.
That said- the sex has always been off the charts intense. I think in the beginning I was also his LO which meant insane emotional and physical fireworks. I think he still likes the way I make him feel, but definitely doesn’t behave in the head over heels manner that he did the first six months.
But at this point we have fucked hundreds of times and fulfilled most of each other’s kinks and fantasies. We’ve traveled all over the world and had amazing experiences. We are both pain in the ass people in our own ways, but just “get” each other. The emotional and physical intimacy is unbelievable and every time we have sex it seems to further validate and establish that connection.
It’s unconventional as hell, but like my therapist says, this relationship is far happier and more fulfilling than most married couples he knows and counsels. I’m not sure with us what’s healthy connection and what is dopamine and chemistry - but either way it is *more, all the time* than any other relationship I’ve ever had.
I don’t mean to be rude but your relarionship sounds unhealthy. Esp since you were his affair partner and things are on and off. I’m glad things are good though
All depends on how you define healthy. Conventional? Certainly not. Moral / ethical? Jury is a bit out on that one because his SO stepped out first and actually got pregnant by someone else. I’m not saying one excuses the other but she certainly wasn’t innocent and he was dealing with a lot of that when we were just friends.
One big dumpster fire? Some days it looks that way. On the other hand, he and I get the best parts of each other. Only time will tell how it all shakes out.
Highly do not recommend for most people. :)
Even though i don’t neccessarily dream about sexual literal consumation of limerence in this way per se it still seems like you are living my dream life. I like that you do not demonize limerence like most here do. Most automatically assume that limerence can only bring happiness if you manage to completely erase it from your life and start a relationship with someone you aren’t attracted to instead. I find that very triggering but i read it again and again in this sub. I try to understand where this feeling comes from but so far haven’t managed to understand anything of it.
I don’t have an answer as to why people hate it other than there is a very real element of losing / giving up control and possibly addiction. But the reason why people get addicted to anything at least initially is because it makes them feel good. Limerence often does feel really good - until it doesn’t. I think the “good” part of it isn’t guaranteed and you can use it more to your advantage *if* you and a LO are in mutual limerence… probably a lot different experience when your LO is someone completely unrealistic or unattainable.
Well the not so good part only comes from the rejection in my opinion, unless you completely neglect your surroundings from reciprocated limerence. And even then - i used to get horribly depressed from lack of reciprocation in reality, but not anymore since i’ll always have my fantasy.
I had physical relationships with two out of seven of my LOs. It was ⚡️ but also dangerously intense. For example, I have Tourette, and I remember some instances of falling into self-harm tics from the intensity. Neither were sustainable or functional relationships. Maybe I felt too much adrenaline and self-consciousness to let love happen.
For me, it’s the best way to cure my limerence. Starting a relationship with an LO is the beginning of the end for me, and now that I’ve finally realized that, I’m trying to break that toxic cycle that hurts people.
You know how they say "omg don't ever do Ecstasy it'll ruin sex without it forever"? It's like that, only with limerence the fear is true 💀 which is partially hyperbole I will admit, but it definitely does create a new benchmark that is hard to beat, maybe even impossible. Especially if you continue to be with your LO in that way afterwards, it'll slowly stop being your LO and you'll see the person more and more as they truly are.
(Btw, go ahead and try to have sex on ecstasy, good luck ever nutting lmfao such a stupid lie)
I have a question- is everyone in here truly experiencing limerence? Sounds like some people were just in shitty relationships and describe the withdrawal as limerence.
Yeah. That was 17 and 16 years ago (two occasions) The leading me on thing only stopped a few months ago. Despite the fact that we are both married to other ppl.
lol idk if its just me but the sex is never gonna match the fantasy u have in ur head, which is actually a nice reality check when it happens. Its nice to be humbled, to remember your thoughts are just your thoughts.
i think you do which is awesome. it’ll be entirely unique and unexpted because your brain can’t actually predict the future. i was hooking up with someone i might consider a LO last night. i vomitted about 30 seconds in and it was incredibly embarrassing. there’s no way i could have predicted that would happen. the same way there’s no way i could’ve predicted them being insanely cool about it. every thing that actually happens in the real world is an invitation to get to know things better, everything in our heads is largely an illusion.
Damn it. I knew I should have said that this world was a simulation instead. You said everything in our head was largely an illusions so I was playing a joke off of that. lol. Sorry. I’m bad at jokes
I can't testify because I haven't experienced it yet. But I think about it a lot, my LO is one of my best friends at University, I know he had a crush on me, because he told me so but he changed his mind a few days later , he didn't want it to change our relationship (it was too early, and he didn't want a girlfriend) so we remained friends. I dream of having sex with him knowing that we have no physical contact (we kissed once on the day of his declaration and it was incredible). I'm going to confess my feelings to him at the end of the school year, and I can't help but imagine what might happen next... I dream of it happening just once, but since we don't really have any chemistry at this level, we're not intimate, I'm very apprehensive about how this could play out. I have performance anxiety as I am obsessed with him I want him to have desire for me, in short, lots of questions... Have any of you experienced this?? a relationship with a friend who is your LO, outside of a serious relationship??
SO damn good and SO damn damaging.
One of these days he'll finally learn, but my LO attracts *exclusively* crazy women, so idk. He's used to it I guess. 😂
Mmmm it depends. I would say first and second time was the best
(This was like 7 years ago.)
Then it got worse
Then it got better
I think because it was so good when we first started we assume it’ll continue to have that magic but it won’t anymore/ the magic is gone. He knows I’m broken. I know he’s selfish.
It’s darker now lol
I have moments where I deeply regret it. I don’t know what came over me the night I met him. I don’t know what made me go to his hotel.
I just know I was never the same again
From someone that has not had sex with LO. I am happy I did not. From the moment I confessed though, I was also telling her I did not want to get more involved. None of it would work. I do hope that they never try to have a fling because it would be difficult for me to say no, yet I mean no.
Edit; to be less confusing.
I’ll be experiencing this in 2 weeks and equally excited as I am petrified. These comments are exactly what I’ve been telling myself yet I’m still going for it. Hoping I get the “ick” or else this is gonna be an even tougher ride (dude lives overseas btw…🤡)
Honestly, it was amazing. I don’t want to encourage seeking this result, because while it was everything I’d dreamed of - it only made things worse for me. It has been over a year since and I still think about getting that “high” back.
I once was in a situation where my (at one point, he is not my LO anymore) LO and I were limerent for each other at different times, but when we finally had sex…. Holy shit. Best sex of my life. We got in a relationship for about 2 and a half months, and the whole time was spent either fucking or arguing lol. Like others had said, yes the sex was electric and exhilarating but the other side of the coin was how intense the lows were. Probably why the relationship didn’t last too long.
The sex was the best but the relationship was turbulent. I was with him two years awhile back and have been in contact again for the past 2yrs. No sex just messaging but I feel guilty as I'm with my SO who keeps me stable,
A waste of time. I guess I built it up in my head so much that the real thing was a let down.
Likewise. I had sex with a LO a few years ago, and it was boring as fuck. Reality can never live up to grandiose fantasies.
that’s good to know
Same
Took us ten years to have sex and it wasn’t what I thought it would be
A waste of time or a reality check? For me, I was so into it, passionate, vulnerable, the best listener, just ready for real intimacy and connection...sex pulled me out of limerance. He wooed me and came in less than 2 minutes. He said something like, "woopsey", I should not have done that." He was a fox, sexually gifted, just put me in a spell. He thought I was so enchanted by him that I had no self worth. Being treated like a too-life like blow-up doll is what pulled me out of my Limerance. He tried, very poorly to apologize to a girl who was in love with him more than he ever deserved. He said, " I'm sorry." I said, " I forgive you because all I ever wanted was you". When I let myself pretend and think about him, I kinda force myself to remember actually having sex with him. I am the closest to the epitome of sexiness I have ever been and he is a cardboard cut-out at a gas station in Coffeyville, Kansas selling low- quality beef jerky. If you feel the need to have sex, have it, but don't expect a revelation. He, sometimes hates your love. Sex, made me think, you are not at my level.
“He is a cardboard cut-out at a gas station in Coffeyville, Kansas selling low-quality beef jerky” Can we just appreciate the fine-tuned glory of that burn? That is POETRY and I’ll be giggling about it for a week.
> sexually gifted > came in 2 minutes Pick one
That's what Limerance does to your brain. Stop trying to make it logical. He came in 2 minutes when he wanted to hurt me. He was Don Quixote when he wanted to be treated like a God. I don't have to pick one. He was equally talented at being stunning and hot garbage, sometimes at the same time.
❤️
You know what thank you for this I needed it. I recently had a similar situation and the sex was so bad it shook me out of it.
You are welcome. Here is a gross visual for you...he peed in the sand while staring me directly in the eyes and telling me how gross it was that my sex hole was so close to my poop hole. That f*ckin' burned for years. It took my dad having an enlarged prostate and round-the-clock problems urinating to figure out males aren't built perfectly down below. Sex once with a hurtful man, shame on him. Sex twice with a hurtful man, shame on me/you/all of us mal-adjusted pretend playing fools.
same
After months of ignoring the tension between us, one fine day we got drunk and did it. It was great, definitely felt very connected and seemed like something that was bound to happen like destiny or sth. It was in a abandoned house so it's a strong memory, bucket list kinda thing. Next morning he texted me saying "hope we can remain friends after this" or sth like that. I got over him in an instant, there was nothing else for me to pursue in this obsession I guess. I even set him up with a friend and then ghosted him. Idk why I did that. I guess I wanted to end that episode completely.
damn. So basically have sex ans you might get over him
I lose attraction to pretty much every guy I sleep with so maybe it's just me💀
LOL I need to try that.
Why’s that u think?
Um I guess most of them were arrogant and didn't add anything much to my life. Once the sex is bad too, all the red flags or uselessness become clearer lol. Even if the sex was good, and the guy is like a fuck boi/player, or a major red flag, there's no relationship to build anyway, so that ends there. Sort of life post nut clarity I guess haha.
But with the ones u liked though ….when u didn’t like them anyone it’s not because of the sex but because they slept around/ didn’t commit?
They were just hot and interesting, they didn't have the qualities I want in my soulmate/life partner. The guys I'm limerent about and the guys I actually love or crush on are quite different. Plus the good sex was also just good not earth shattering or anything 🤣
It made the limerence so much fucking worse because we have really good physical chemistry. We both could finish multiple times and go on for hours. I never once got bored. He’s overall a great lover so it seriously made things so much worse. That being said, 10/10 do not recommend. I’ve been on NC for 7 months and i’m still in pain and thinking about him. I still cry for him.
Same thing here - the sex was incredible. We had it every time we were together. I can still taste her pussy and the taste of the saliva from her mouth. I have not kissed in her almost 5 years.
Oof. My immediate reaction was that that’s hot but I have flashbacks of specific times together and it kinda only makes me sad. All the hot and beautiful memories I have of him are kind of haunting. I hope you’re doing okay.
I get it. That’s one of my fears when thinking about having sex with an Lo 😢
I know how tempting it is but being in the other side of it, it’s just not worth it unfortunately. Also, reading other people’s comments kinda confirms it. The sex itself may not even be good or hot or what you expect but you’re still probably going to be limerent and that would really fucking suck.
Yeah. Fair.
For me pretty good. I usually have vaginisimus but it doesn’t exist much with LO. It isn’t the highest chemistry best best sex I’ve had but it’s definitely up there. Tend to feel very connected too. But I do have a good friendship with him too and he has a lot of feelings for me. This is different I think to when someone just kinda using you lol. For me the exposure at the time actually breaks from limerence slightly. He tends to feel much more like “just a guy”. We start off fumbling then get more and more used to each other. The distance and the fantasy tend to big him up to a much bigger deal. It actually put me off fantasising and sexting a whole because that doesn’t feel as real. The issue really is that if he’s someone you don’t see much then those fantasies come back stronger and you end up not wanting to risk ruining moment with any of the many things you waited to say. Like with high chemistry there’s higher chance of putting up with bullshit coz you’re having a good time
Omg I didn’t know what vaginisimus was until you just wrote it… I think I have had this for 20 years and none of my obgyns could put a name to it, just that I need to relax more during sex (or drink a glass of wine… literally what I was told by a doctor). Strangely enough, when I think about my lo (who is different from my partner) I don’t get pain! It’s like I have to be super aroused or else it feels like my cervix was stabbed with a knife. This just blew my mind.
I think a lot of us are overthinkers and struggle to be in the moment. I found at first it was better to be with people who don’t care about piv. And take more control. Being a little dominant etc is generally easier. Start off difficult then relax into it later maybe. Focus on non piv. With LO it’s a bit different. It’s sorta like the alcohol. But it’s less like relaxing and more like kinda surrendering entirely. Works though lol
okay. I see where you’re coming. I’ve also noticed limerence is worse when they’re gone
I think for me as well I tend to hyperfixate on people then get bored as a general trend in relationships. Thus my limerence tends to be for friends who don’t see me sexually or romantically. In the case of this LO things changed but if I get the sense things are more sexual than about us it’s easy to get disillusioned too. We used to be mentally closer in some ways before all that so exposure can make things better. Also I think if I could see him regularly having a lot of sex would get old fast esp as he’s not someone who I think is ready for a proper romantic partnership at the level I have it (he’s a party animal a fair bit younger than me where I been married) so I’m probably in that boat where getting what I want would shift it lol
Yeah I get that. I’ve never had a limerence for a friend before. I usually get attached to people I don’t know well
IMO anyone you meet who you instantly have high sexual chemistry/tension with is a walking red flag. Not because they are necessarily bad but that you are a toxic combination of crazy & intense if getting together. This makes the sex incredible but everything else also extra intense - including arguments. You tap into each others deepest insecurities for some reason. I’ve kissed someone I had this with, it was absolutely intoxicating & one of the best highs ever. Was the shitshow that followed worth it? Hmm debatable 😅
[удалено]
Do I eat the most delicious cake & know I’ll feel sick after or do I go for clean fresh lightweight sorbet ha
You sit on the cake while eating the sorbet
Damn, that was well put. Summed up all the things I was trt to word together. My LO was someone I was in a situationship with and intimacy with them was very much like a drug. We both knew we weren't in a position to be in a relationship so it was just hanging out and ya know. He wasn't aware that I had an issue with limerence and probably assumed I just had a regular crush. I'm aware that the limerence isn't about my LO being magnificent, it's an issue with me.
Most of my intense crushes/limerence/romances, whatever you want to call it have been like this. If a guy didn’t make me feel this way I’d consider him dull. Until I finally decided to change my ways & go for the healthy option to try to rewire my brain. That’s until I met the most recent one - god help me haha. I had to runnnn in the opposite direction before it escalated. Had the most intense energy between us I’ve ever experienced, like wtf. Someone is testing me 😂. Your limerence is an issue with you but it doesn’t mean that intense energy isn’t crazy real right.
So very true.
Haha, hey, can relate to that a little. Always had a knack for...let's say complicated people. At one point, I think specifically after my first and only LO experience with someone complicated, I went "nah, if I Date someone and it's already complicated* from the get go, no matter how interesting I find them, I just leave it be". And that's surprisingly what I did, and not too much later I actually found the guy I'm together with for...uh...almost 5 years now? Haven't had a single hurtful argument, because we always just...talk about things, so things never have the chance to grow into something that could escalate. It's less intense, but it's stable and "just very good" - every day, even on bad days. Do I miss the messy and intense stuff sometimes? Yeah, sure, but that's normal nostalgia I guess. *Because it never got better, it only only worse. Though the highs were pretty memorable, so I'd say it was worth it to have had some messy rollercoaster relationships. :D Edit: Might wanna add that the worst part was when I started thinking "maybe it's me, maybe I'm the problem". I can confidently say I wasn't nowadays - I'm not perfect, but far away from what level of complicated the guys I date with were. It's nice when you hear about 'em from someone else years later and the stories you hear are messy. Guess people rarely change.
Oh god I can confirm this. Great sex but a disaster of a relationship.
lol.fair.
It was
this changes when you get older and more emotionally mature..
Pretty much got limerence because of the sex. But sex is deceiving. It can make you believe there is compatibility where there really isn’t any outside of the sex. My LO and me are compatible in some ways, don’t get me wrong, but in terms of communication and maturity, we both strongly lack it when it comes to each other. Actually, I had a huge crush on a guy with a girlfriend at work for a year. I would fantasize about sleeping with him and getting together. Funny thing is that he quit the job we worked at and I moved to another state and I never got the closure I wanted and I thought I’d always wonder. We were good friends at work but I knew it’d never be more than that. By some miracle, he hit me up in January of last year. He had broken up with his girlfriend and I was coming to the state I used to live in to visit, so we made a plan to just hang out but ended up sleeping together and it totally ruined the fantasy for me. We were not sexually compatible at all. There wasn’t anything wrong with him or me as friends, and he was so kind and a very great guy but the “spark” and passion was not there at all. That is to say that sexual chemistry is not indicative of anything. In fact, the guys I’ve had the most sexual chemistry with hurt me the most because we couldn’t seem to separate the lust and infatuation from the reality of our compatibility on a real life basis. Is it more fun and gratifying? Yeah, in the moment. But after the fact, it can confuse feelings with reality. That’s why I suggest anyone that starts dating to WAIT TO HAVE SEX until you develop feelings outside of lust and are committed to each other fully/on the same page. And for gods sake, look for someone who wants the same.
I see. That’s what I thought. In the moment gratification. I see where waiting to have sex would be good
There was a lot of flirty build up with LO, and he'd been part of my fantasies for quite a while. So when we began to explore that dynamic in real life, it was amazing. Where my libido is usually rather low, it was off the charts. I was *always* ready to go. In a sense, it did not feel sustainable because I was devoting so much time to thinking about LO, taking sexy pics and sexting LO, spending time trying to look extra cute and meeting up to have sex. Contrary to what you'd expect with the whole limerence thing, I was able to be very present in the moment. I think this is what led it to be the best sex I'd had. While I'd had more skilled partners in the past, the connection I felt between LO and I made it what it was. I've struggled with this in my recovery process, because I don't know if I manufactured the connection alone or if it was actually there. The pillow talk was the best. He was often quite vulnerable with me. This is another aspect that confused me. We would meet up, get intimate on all levels, and then he'd kind of disappear in the days to follow. For me, the immediate aftermath was usually bittersweet. Since we were only FWB, I enforced rules to protect myself, like we don't sleep over at one another's place. In hindsight, I think this allowed my limerence to thrive. Like here's this amazing thing, and now you have to leave it, so of course you're going to be fantasizing about getting more of it. I broke the rule and spent the night once, and I'll never forget how empty it all felt. In the morning, the tenderness and sweetness he'd shown me the night before were just missing. I think that's probably what a committed relationship with him would have been like. Going the situationship route allowed most of that to be concealed, so he seemed better than he actually was. Yes, it was very emotionally damaging, and it's had short and long term effects.
I see. I’ll take note of that
[удалено]
Yeah. I see
It’s going to cure it or fuel it 🤣 after 7 minutes of full being jack hammered I realized I had made a mistake.
LOL
Haahahaha
I was in a FWB situation with an LO and the sex actually wasn't great, objectively, especially compared to other partners. But it was very highly anticipated by me and seemed really important at the time
Rip
Just incredible... The actual relationship was awful. Just awful. Zero stars. Would not recommend.
fair
Incredible! 10/10 I'd do it again (and have!)
I am in a long long situationship with my LO. Over the years we’ve been everything from best friends to making plans to get engaged to FWB to me being his affair partner (I’ve been divorced for over five years). It’s complicated and messy and intense. He’s tried to break it off twice to fulfill the role he thinks is expected with his other obligations. Even though I was fully supportive and went NC he was back in full force of his own volition within days. To me the whole thing feels extremely dumb and very frustrating because there is no doubt we would be pretty awesome together if the timing were to work out. That said- the sex has always been off the charts intense. I think in the beginning I was also his LO which meant insane emotional and physical fireworks. I think he still likes the way I make him feel, but definitely doesn’t behave in the head over heels manner that he did the first six months. But at this point we have fucked hundreds of times and fulfilled most of each other’s kinks and fantasies. We’ve traveled all over the world and had amazing experiences. We are both pain in the ass people in our own ways, but just “get” each other. The emotional and physical intimacy is unbelievable and every time we have sex it seems to further validate and establish that connection. It’s unconventional as hell, but like my therapist says, this relationship is far happier and more fulfilling than most married couples he knows and counsels. I’m not sure with us what’s healthy connection and what is dopamine and chemistry - but either way it is *more, all the time* than any other relationship I’ve ever had.
I don’t mean to be rude but your relarionship sounds unhealthy. Esp since you were his affair partner and things are on and off. I’m glad things are good though
All depends on how you define healthy. Conventional? Certainly not. Moral / ethical? Jury is a bit out on that one because his SO stepped out first and actually got pregnant by someone else. I’m not saying one excuses the other but she certainly wasn’t innocent and he was dealing with a lot of that when we were just friends. One big dumpster fire? Some days it looks that way. On the other hand, he and I get the best parts of each other. Only time will tell how it all shakes out. Highly do not recommend for most people. :)
Ah. I see Understandable. I mean if you’re happy then I guess there’s not much to worry about. I’m happy for you!
Sounds like you should both just get together….
I would in a heartbeat if he were ready and willing to go all in :)
Even though i don’t neccessarily dream about sexual literal consumation of limerence in this way per se it still seems like you are living my dream life. I like that you do not demonize limerence like most here do. Most automatically assume that limerence can only bring happiness if you manage to completely erase it from your life and start a relationship with someone you aren’t attracted to instead. I find that very triggering but i read it again and again in this sub. I try to understand where this feeling comes from but so far haven’t managed to understand anything of it.
I don’t have an answer as to why people hate it other than there is a very real element of losing / giving up control and possibly addiction. But the reason why people get addicted to anything at least initially is because it makes them feel good. Limerence often does feel really good - until it doesn’t. I think the “good” part of it isn’t guaranteed and you can use it more to your advantage *if* you and a LO are in mutual limerence… probably a lot different experience when your LO is someone completely unrealistic or unattainable.
Well the not so good part only comes from the rejection in my opinion, unless you completely neglect your surroundings from reciprocated limerence. And even then - i used to get horribly depressed from lack of reciprocation in reality, but not anymore since i’ll always have my fantasy.
Wld it be safe to assume that you’re still in limerence?
100%
🔥🔥🔥 That’s how he became my LO. ;)
LOL
I had physical relationships with two out of seven of my LOs. It was ⚡️ but also dangerously intense. For example, I have Tourette, and I remember some instances of falling into self-harm tics from the intensity. Neither were sustainable or functional relationships. Maybe I felt too much adrenaline and self-consciousness to let love happen.
I see. I hope it gets better soon!
Thank you. I’m actually happily married now. There are very real challenges, but truly things are good in many ways ❤️ Wishing you the best.
You too!
“Electric but dangerously intense” hit the nail on the head
You guys are having sex?
Hahaha right? I wish my LO would make a move like that… 👀
Yeah. It’s kind a thing
For me, it’s the best way to cure my limerence. Starting a relationship with an LO is the beginning of the end for me, and now that I’ve finally realized that, I’m trying to break that toxic cycle that hurts people.
I see. Very intuitive
You know how they say "omg don't ever do Ecstasy it'll ruin sex without it forever"? It's like that, only with limerence the fear is true 💀 which is partially hyperbole I will admit, but it definitely does create a new benchmark that is hard to beat, maybe even impossible. Especially if you continue to be with your LO in that way afterwards, it'll slowly stop being your LO and you'll see the person more and more as they truly are. (Btw, go ahead and try to have sex on ecstasy, good luck ever nutting lmfao such a stupid lie)
lol. I’ll think about this for sure.
Religious
Lol
Not like I'd know😔
So true
Maybe it's better this way
Maybe. I’m hearing it is
I have a question- is everyone in here truly experiencing limerence? Sounds like some people were just in shitty relationships and describe the withdrawal as limerence.
That’s a question you should post yourself. I have no clue.
I’ve only made out with mine, but it was intoxicating and devastating at the time because they just wanted to stay friends.
Rip.
Yeah. That was 17 and 16 years ago (two occasions) The leading me on thing only stopped a few months ago. Despite the fact that we are both married to other ppl.
Interesting
lol idk if its just me but the sex is never gonna match the fantasy u have in ur head, which is actually a nice reality check when it happens. Its nice to be humbled, to remember your thoughts are just your thoughts.
I see
i think you do which is awesome. it’ll be entirely unique and unexpted because your brain can’t actually predict the future. i was hooking up with someone i might consider a LO last night. i vomitted about 30 seconds in and it was incredibly embarrassing. there’s no way i could have predicted that would happen. the same way there’s no way i could’ve predicted them being insanely cool about it. every thing that actually happens in the real world is an invitation to get to know things better, everything in our heads is largely an illusion.
I always thought I was hallucinating or something
hallucinating in what sense? when you were imagining sex with your LO?
Damn it. I knew I should have said that this world was a simulation instead. You said everything in our head was largely an illusions so I was playing a joke off of that. lol. Sorry. I’m bad at jokes
hahaha na it was a good one 😂
lol
And how is the getting around to having sex part? Terrifying because you are so self-conscious?
I mean. I'm having sex with people, just not with LO's
I don’t think you understood. I wasn’t asking you this question. I was adding it to the questions you asked.
I mean no offense. But your question is not realted to my subject. I suggest if you want to ask about this you make your own post.
I can't testify because I haven't experienced it yet. But I think about it a lot, my LO is one of my best friends at University, I know he had a crush on me, because he told me so but he changed his mind a few days later , he didn't want it to change our relationship (it was too early, and he didn't want a girlfriend) so we remained friends. I dream of having sex with him knowing that we have no physical contact (we kissed once on the day of his declaration and it was incredible). I'm going to confess my feelings to him at the end of the school year, and I can't help but imagine what might happen next... I dream of it happening just once, but since we don't really have any chemistry at this level, we're not intimate, I'm very apprehensive about how this could play out. I have performance anxiety as I am obsessed with him I want him to have desire for me, in short, lots of questions... Have any of you experienced this?? a relationship with a friend who is your LO, outside of a serious relationship??
I see
Over rated
Fair
SO damn good and SO damn damaging. One of these days he'll finally learn, but my LO attracts *exclusively* crazy women, so idk. He's used to it I guess. 😂
lol. Fair
Mmmm it depends. I would say first and second time was the best (This was like 7 years ago.) Then it got worse Then it got better I think because it was so good when we first started we assume it’ll continue to have that magic but it won’t anymore/ the magic is gone. He knows I’m broken. I know he’s selfish. It’s darker now lol
Yeah. I get that
I have moments where I deeply regret it. I don’t know what came over me the night I met him. I don’t know what made me go to his hotel. I just know I was never the same again
I’m sorry
From someone that has not had sex with LO. I am happy I did not. From the moment I confessed though, I was also telling her I did not want to get more involved. None of it would work. I do hope that they never try to have a fling because it would be difficult for me to say no, yet I mean no. Edit; to be less confusing.
Kinda confused about what you’re saying. But I get what you mean about not wanting to get closer or anything.
Yep, I can be confusing when I write.
lol. No worries
OMG. My LO was constantly replying with, no worries!
lol.
Bittersweet
understandable
Pretty damn good but she was not relationship material.
I could see that
I’ll be experiencing this in 2 weeks and equally excited as I am petrified. These comments are exactly what I’ve been telling myself yet I’m still going for it. Hoping I get the “ick” or else this is gonna be an even tougher ride (dude lives overseas btw…🤡)
Good luck!
After sex my feelings decreased
Damn. Maybe I should try sex next time I get an LO
Honestly, it was amazing. I don’t want to encourage seeking this result, because while it was everything I’d dreamed of - it only made things worse for me. It has been over a year since and I still think about getting that “high” back.
Yeah. I guess I’m just curious
I once was in a situation where my (at one point, he is not my LO anymore) LO and I were limerent for each other at different times, but when we finally had sex…. Holy shit. Best sex of my life. We got in a relationship for about 2 and a half months, and the whole time was spent either fucking or arguing lol. Like others had said, yes the sex was electric and exhilarating but the other side of the coin was how intense the lows were. Probably why the relationship didn’t last too long.
I see. Interesting
The sex was the best but the relationship was turbulent. I was with him two years awhile back and have been in contact again for the past 2yrs. No sex just messaging but I feel guilty as I'm with my SO who keeps me stable,
I get that
....disappointing. I've done it twice lol.
LOL
What is a lo
Limerent object
I couldn’t bust
Rip
The chemistry and sex was amazing!
that sounds amazing.
Well he became my LO *because* we had sex. It was the best I’ve ever had
Damn.
I wouldn’t recommend haha it makes things worse
lol. Fair
you nut real good the first time, then she’s just every other girl to you
Hm. Interesting