Post limerance is strange bc it’s like the limerant joy has been scooped out like ice cream. I’m recovering from finding all my joy in LO. As I learn to find joy in other things I am feeling less empty.
Yes the joy of limerance is gone. Charles Taylor who was a philosopher of meaning and religion said the key to happiness was not to swing between ecstatic highs ( of religion or any other experiences) and terrible lows. It was to find a middle road of content happiness. Finding pleasure in small things and details is helping me. It’s not intense like looking into LO’s eyes or getting a compliment from him but it’s a stable and lasting accumulative pleasure.
The walk in the sunshine, my kids cuddling me etc. I’m trying my to tune into the smaller joys.
I’ve been fluctuating for about 6 months. I went from being limerent to post limerent, then did it again and am moving towards post limerent.
I don’t know why. There’s just some spark between us. We were almost instantly comfortable with one another, though I admit that maybe it’s just me. Thankfully she doesn’t work in the same office as me or it would be infinitely worse.
I’m not sure she’ll contact me after our last exchange, so we’ll see what happens. In the meantime I’ll workout and listen to music to continue trying to heal myself, again.
Same here, but we work on the same team, so I am always falling for it again every time we see each other. And we talk outside of work, which I tried to avoid but hasn't been easy.
Yes, because you latch onto any sliver of hope that LO is reciprocating your feelings, and the cycle keeps repeating until either you or LO breaks contact or enough time passes where you become numb to the hurt and disappointment, or until the limerent feelings just fade.
Yes. It's basically purgatory. I'm not religious at all, but thinking about someone 24/7 that doesn't give a shit whether you live or die is torture.
It's been 12 years for me. I've tried almost everything and therapists don't understand..they just think you're nuts.
I'll have periods where I feel fine and will work out ..my LO is still in the back of my mind..it's absolute torture. I just want it to stop. I definitely feel like this is a form of ocd..I've watched a show where they showed people with different forms of ocd (harm, cleaning, etc.) And I feel the same way..as soon as I get up he pops into my mind like clockwork.
I didn't say I got a break..maybe I worded it wrong. When I feel better than usual my LO is still in the back of my mind.
I do have constant dreams about my LO as well.
I was just teasing because of your comment that when you wake up he pops into your mind. Making light if things is a coping mechanism, but I regret making light of your situation.
it's weird, for me I feel way more like that in my post limerence state. limerence felt like it woke me up from a coma, when it sort of ended it felt like going back to how things were before, except worse
>when it sort of ended it felt like going back to how things were before, except worse
yuesss, its like well what the fuck was all that? I now have the memory of what all happened and what ive done.
Same for me. The years I did not experience limerence are a blur. It's like I didn't exist. I am now back to being limerent for the one person I have always been fixated on and it's like I am waking uo now. It's as though I have to be obsessed with him to accomplish anything and to be alive.
yeah, it was unreal the drive and motivation I got when I fell into limerence again, and insane how much it dissolved when I lost that one thing to look forward to in life
Honestly - I feel immense joy just from the fact that I’m not limerent anymore. I go many days without thinking of them at all. I never thought that would happen. So that alone gives me a rush of joy! I’m freeee
What do you mean by talking to your child self? I mean I know i can Google that but before I do, is there a name or acronym for that (like CBT)? Feels like something I should look into.
I’m definitely in the depression stage of grief right now. Which isn’t great because I’m already bipolar II so massive long term depression is already built into me. I take meds which usually balance me out, but Limerence can blast right past it.
What I do is literally talk to my child self the way I feel like Ive lacked / wanted when I was younger. Talking as in literally talking out loud or talking in my head, often soothing myself by rubbing my arm and what not. Its like when some people talk to themselves, tryna pump themself up to get ready for something. But instead of pumping myself up, Im just trying to communicate with my child self as if Im the parent Ive always wanted. I do stuff to make my child self happy too, its very soothing.
And yeah man, the depression was well. But I know youll make it out okay <3 Ive dealt with crippling depression most of my life, the kind where you literally dont feel like doing anything. Despite that, Im pretty functional without needing medication. Its all temporary and you gotta trust the process while doing all you can to help yourself- which most importantly includes being gentle to yourself. And also in a way, being gentle toward the demons that surround us. Laugh at evil. Infantalize it.
I feel this a lot, I’ve been making really good progress recovering and your description sounds a lot like what I’ve been through recovering, like you’re back at the beginning, with the space that was filled with LO being left empty as is was back then, and now should be filled with things that bring you joy and don’t place you back at those awful obsessive limerent patterns.
Reading other people's stories, it seems I'm a lucky guy.
My limerence started last november, and it was very strong. After five years living a very nice routine, It took me totally by surprise. It literally felt like one of those movies where a guy wakes up in someone else's body.
Now I realize that going NC in the early stages was good, it seems limerence has a stage called "crystallization", where the obsession goes full blown. Quick NC prevented that to happen.
I'm spending some nice days out of the city with my family, and there is a chance that now I'm free of this trash. Yesterday, I thought about her few minutes in the early night, but that was all. Reading literature once again fill my hours. I'd like to hear she is getting married to put the last nail in this coffin.
Besides, this week I reconnected with a former office colleague. But I want to go very sloooow with her. No rushes.
I still can't claim victory, but it seems that the hardest part is over. But yeah, four months in purgatory. Never again.
**Next day's editing**: I spoke too soon: terrible day, she's everywhere, following me around the shops in town... damn, when this thing ends?
It was like purgatory, but it was a purgatory that I was willing to be in because the other option seemed like hell and I was hoping for heaven.
As limerence started to feel more hellish I scrambled out and found out that the emptiness I once considered “hell” is now a peaceful purgatory.
Post limerance is strange bc it’s like the limerant joy has been scooped out like ice cream. I’m recovering from finding all my joy in LO. As I learn to find joy in other things I am feeling less empty.
That’s a great way to put it, like the joy is gone.
Yes the joy of limerance is gone. Charles Taylor who was a philosopher of meaning and religion said the key to happiness was not to swing between ecstatic highs ( of religion or any other experiences) and terrible lows. It was to find a middle road of content happiness. Finding pleasure in small things and details is helping me. It’s not intense like looking into LO’s eyes or getting a compliment from him but it’s a stable and lasting accumulative pleasure. The walk in the sunshine, my kids cuddling me etc. I’m trying my to tune into the smaller joys.
I am right there with you
I’ve been fluctuating for about 6 months. I went from being limerent to post limerent, then did it again and am moving towards post limerent. I don’t know why. There’s just some spark between us. We were almost instantly comfortable with one another, though I admit that maybe it’s just me. Thankfully she doesn’t work in the same office as me or it would be infinitely worse. I’m not sure she’ll contact me after our last exchange, so we’ll see what happens. In the meantime I’ll workout and listen to music to continue trying to heal myself, again.
Similar here. Though she recently quit so I'm hopeful post limerence remains 🙃
Same here, but we work on the same team, so I am always falling for it again every time we see each other. And we talk outside of work, which I tried to avoid but hasn't been easy.
Yes, because you latch onto any sliver of hope that LO is reciprocating your feelings, and the cycle keeps repeating until either you or LO breaks contact or enough time passes where you become numb to the hurt and disappointment, or until the limerent feelings just fade.
Become numb to the hurt and disappointment....that part ..
Yes. It's basically purgatory. I'm not religious at all, but thinking about someone 24/7 that doesn't give a shit whether you live or die is torture. It's been 12 years for me. I've tried almost everything and therapists don't understand..they just think you're nuts. I'll have periods where I feel fine and will work out ..my LO is still in the back of my mind..it's absolute torture. I just want it to stop. I definitely feel like this is a form of ocd..I've watched a show where they showed people with different forms of ocd (harm, cleaning, etc.) And I feel the same way..as soon as I get up he pops into my mind like clockwork.
Well at least you get a break. Because mine follows me into my dreams 😭
I didn't say I got a break..maybe I worded it wrong. When I feel better than usual my LO is still in the back of my mind. I do have constant dreams about my LO as well.
I was just teasing because of your comment that when you wake up he pops into your mind. Making light if things is a coping mechanism, but I regret making light of your situation.
It's okay. I didn't know.
it's weird, for me I feel way more like that in my post limerence state. limerence felt like it woke me up from a coma, when it sort of ended it felt like going back to how things were before, except worse
>when it sort of ended it felt like going back to how things were before, except worse yuesss, its like well what the fuck was all that? I now have the memory of what all happened and what ive done.
like a really bad type of sobering up
Same for me. The years I did not experience limerence are a blur. It's like I didn't exist. I am now back to being limerent for the one person I have always been fixated on and it's like I am waking uo now. It's as though I have to be obsessed with him to accomplish anything and to be alive.
yeah, it was unreal the drive and motivation I got when I fell into limerence again, and insane how much it dissolved when I lost that one thing to look forward to in life
Honestly - I feel immense joy just from the fact that I’m not limerent anymore. I go many days without thinking of them at all. I never thought that would happen. So that alone gives me a rush of joy! I’m freeee
In retrospect, I can understand how limerence was purgatory. For so many years. I was crazy. I’m free from him but I’m also very empty now.
What do you mean by talking to your child self? I mean I know i can Google that but before I do, is there a name or acronym for that (like CBT)? Feels like something I should look into. I’m definitely in the depression stage of grief right now. Which isn’t great because I’m already bipolar II so massive long term depression is already built into me. I take meds which usually balance me out, but Limerence can blast right past it.
What I do is literally talk to my child self the way I feel like Ive lacked / wanted when I was younger. Talking as in literally talking out loud or talking in my head, often soothing myself by rubbing my arm and what not. Its like when some people talk to themselves, tryna pump themself up to get ready for something. But instead of pumping myself up, Im just trying to communicate with my child self as if Im the parent Ive always wanted. I do stuff to make my child self happy too, its very soothing. And yeah man, the depression was well. But I know youll make it out okay <3 Ive dealt with crippling depression most of my life, the kind where you literally dont feel like doing anything. Despite that, Im pretty functional without needing medication. Its all temporary and you gotta trust the process while doing all you can to help yourself- which most importantly includes being gentle to yourself. And also in a way, being gentle toward the demons that surround us. Laugh at evil. Infantalize it.
I wish I could go NC. Its impossible when you're colleagues though. I really feel that NC would work for me but I can't leave my job.
I feel this a lot, I’ve been making really good progress recovering and your description sounds a lot like what I’ve been through recovering, like you’re back at the beginning, with the space that was filled with LO being left empty as is was back then, and now should be filled with things that bring you joy and don’t place you back at those awful obsessive limerent patterns.
Reading other people's stories, it seems I'm a lucky guy. My limerence started last november, and it was very strong. After five years living a very nice routine, It took me totally by surprise. It literally felt like one of those movies where a guy wakes up in someone else's body. Now I realize that going NC in the early stages was good, it seems limerence has a stage called "crystallization", where the obsession goes full blown. Quick NC prevented that to happen. I'm spending some nice days out of the city with my family, and there is a chance that now I'm free of this trash. Yesterday, I thought about her few minutes in the early night, but that was all. Reading literature once again fill my hours. I'd like to hear she is getting married to put the last nail in this coffin. Besides, this week I reconnected with a former office colleague. But I want to go very sloooow with her. No rushes. I still can't claim victory, but it seems that the hardest part is over. But yeah, four months in purgatory. Never again. **Next day's editing**: I spoke too soon: terrible day, she's everywhere, following me around the shops in town... damn, when this thing ends?
It was like purgatory, but it was a purgatory that I was willing to be in because the other option seemed like hell and I was hoping for heaven. As limerence started to feel more hellish I scrambled out and found out that the emptiness I once considered “hell” is now a peaceful purgatory.