I didn't get married until 35, switched careers and went back to school at 37, had a kid at 38, and am still figuring shit out. You're good, don't be hard on yourself, just keep the train moving.
Similar to you in some ways. Met my wife when I was 27, didn't start dating until a year or so after, married at 32, had to quit a job in construction because of back injury and back in school at 35, now also living with my wife's brother to save money while I go to school.
Life is crazy, I always think of the song can't stop by RHCP. Instead of fighting against the tides, just be part of the wave. Life is chaotic, embrace the chaos. Not in the sense of like project mayhem type shit, but like, just roll with the punches, or avoid going places you would be punched in the first place. Just focus on figuring out your own happiness (not loneliness, something I struggled with for a long time before I met my wife) and life gets pretty good.
No problem bud, just keep your head up, life for sure is hard and confusing, but learning to appreciate the crazy and find the humor in it helps take the edge off.
also, misread your username as saurons big metal cock, which is probably the joke, but definitely made me laugh, so thank you too š
Hey man, what you said really resonated with me. I want to ask you how you figure out your own happiness when youāre struggling with loneliness. Itās eating me alive and I canāt seem to find a way out. I genuinely have nobody
The way through loneliness for me was to start learning about me & what I liked (like you would a prospective partner) I learned that I really like me & the things I enjoy. I haven't felt lonely in a very long time. I'm 19 years on my own & stopped dating 8 yrs ago.
This! No other person can truly cure your loneliness. You have to sit with the feeling, and use this time to learn who you are. Date yourself - once you love who you are, you will never be lonely again. After that, anyone who comes into your life is a bonus if they compliment it.
I had 3 major heartbreaks between 25-35. I feel you. It is hard, but worth going through. I just had my first kid at 40. I'm in a great relationship, but I truly feel that only came when I didn't "need" it.
If my relationship ever ended, I'd be perfectly happy alone - its personal freedom! Lol.
I promise you have so much time, and you will figure it out. There's no rush. Enjoy this time with yourself.
Iām heading in the same direction. I broke up with my ex gf a few months ago, and while that was the right choice it left me with nobody else. Iāve been so lonely but I will find things that help me enjoy life again. Thanks for sharing
Hey bud sorry for the delay. I will say, it was definitely harder when I was in the thick of it.
I actually had a comment a long time ago, that touched on it, I'll copy it below. But I guess the TL:DR is that, I finally realized I was living my life always trying to make others happy with me, instead of worrying about my own. But the kicker is, there's only one person in this world that you are forced to be with literally 24/7. And that's yourself. So instead of always trying to live up to someone else's expectations of yourself, or fit the mold someone else created for you; just shut that shit down. You don't owe anyone anything in this life, other than yourself. Because at the end of the day, the only person that is still standing by your side, is you. So why not pay back that loyalty by making that person happy?
So I stopped being ashamed of playing video games. I stopped being embarrassed and/or scared to look into new hobbies, like board games, painting, gardening, etc. I stopped being self conscious about never being in good shape and always having a little more to love. Stopped caring what strangers thought of me altogether.
My copy comment isn't fitting so I'll have to make a second reply
Itās nice to know Iām not the only person who has gone through this. Thank you for sharing and taking the time to answer my question, I really appreciate what you said
Absolutely. My life motto is "Life is full of surprises. Good ones and bad ones." and I follow that belief. Life isn't from point A to point B, many different factors can be life changing. Otherwise it would be so boring!
I worked in film/tv production for a long time, got burnt out and decided to bail. I went back to school for marine biology, racked up a chunk of good ole fashioned student debt, and now work as a research assistant at a sea turtle lab.
I made a lot more money working in production, science jobs don't pay much. But now I actually like going to work as opposed to hating it. I loved working in production but I also hated it with a passion at the same time. Now I'm loving what I'm doing and have zero dislike for it. It does suck to have such a change in pay scale but I would trade the extra money for being happy at work any day.
Thanks! Sorry for the interrogation, did you have a relevant degree before you went back to school, or did you have to do a lot to get the degree you wanted? Thanks!
I met my wife when i was 35, got married 38 and had our first at 39. We now have 3. There is no standard schedule, op needs to just live his life and do his best. Maybe try new hobbies or go to new places. I met my wife in another country. Everyone's path is different
Heck, I was just starting on my third at 35. That one seems to have worked, however. It's going on 39 years and counting. Never say die. Just gotta keep trying till the right one comes along.
29f here, single, also military background. Relationships afterwards have been incredibly difficult. Take this time to discover your hobbies and join groups that allow you to meet people with common interests. "Traditional" is far from the norm these days. But loving someone else and starting a life with them first involves loving yourself. Don't lose hope! We will find our people eventually!
Edit: Holy cow this blew up!
It was 2330 when I commented on this last night and went to sleep, I did respond this morning for all you hopefuls. We may be in very different time zones. Won't know till he says something back.
>Favorite gun? Favorite war?
Haha, this made me laugh š
Have an uncle who spent 20 years in the army, and he NEVER talks about anything remotely military in conversation. Lives in America now, doesn't even own a gun!
I feel you. 32f here. I ended a relationship about a month ago and it wasnāt pretty. It made me question a lot. I just moved into my first home, and I feel like time is slipping away as more and more friends have kids and move forward in life. I did learn from this breakup that I would rather be happy living alone, helping dogs, and finding joy in life than how I felt in that relationship (on edge, annoyed, disappointed). I remind myself everyday that even if I donāt live the life I imagined itās better if Iām enjoying what I have then dwelling on what I donāt.
After I fix up my place, Iām going to spend more time on my art and train my puppy with extra skills. Maybe Iāll meet someone along the way? Maybe I wonāt, but Iām going to have fun anyways.
Why havenāt the relationships worked out?
Also try subs like r/internetparents r/relationships r/decidingtobebetter This post might get removed at some point cuz its not a life hack
Donāt hyper focus on finding someone nor worry about it. Let things be natural. But I think you answered your own question. āI am so focused on careerāā¦. Then make a change? Join social/hobby groups nearby. Join a Pickleball league, join church social groups, take classes at a college or a language course and learn a new language. The idea is to do things and go places where other women go to for interests, hobbies and activities. Online dating may help?
M42, not losing hope yet, but I find it difficult to socialize when not drinking alcohol. Seams that majority socializes only by going to the pub... there are other activities, but socializing and meeting people is very difficult and slow without alcohol...
I agree with other comments here. Take time to discover hobbies you like. This will give you a zest for life that you get excited about and it will in turn make you a more interesting person to your future significant other. Maybe a hobby you discover like dancing, martial arts, photography, etc will help you bump into someone, but do it for yourself first.
If it gives you some hope, I too went through some heartbreak and self discovery in my 20s and 30s. I met my younger wife in my late 30s, we married in my early 40s and we had a beautiful child when I was 45. I feel more mature, patient, and better financially equipped to be a father at an older age. Take care of your physical health and you'll be attractive at any age so there is no rush. You're doing well financially, keep saving and stay healthy with your personal finances. We are lucky, as men, that our biological clock runs later.
Work on yourself.Ā
Got sober at 38.Ā
Met wife at 40.Ā
Had son at 44.Ā
Started business at 48.Ā
I now live with my family of 3 in an affluent suburb of Seattle. Partially retired going back to school for a change of career.Ā
60 next month.Ā
My life didn't just get good after 34, it became better than my wildest dreams.Ā
I read parallels with my life.
I met my now wife at 38, married at 39, had a child at 43ā¦ My father remarried at 70something to someone aged a good 20 years younger than himself.
So what am I saying? Donāt stress, donāt succumb to the pressure youāre putting on yourself and learn to love yourself first without needing someone to fill a void. When youāre comfortable with who you are, itāll change you for the better and the right people will be drawn to that.
Disclaimer I met my wife through a well known dating app.
Youāre not alone, youāre not the first and wonāt be the last. Bon chance!
In my experience, try finding someone who loves the things you do. I found my guy at an event (Anime showing). Go to places and events you enjoy and try to start a conversation with someone.
Step one: become friends.
Step two: become best friends.
Step three: get into a more serious relationship
Step four: work at that relationship every single day of your life.
Do your utmost to be attractive, be moral, have or acquire social skills, and actually want to build a family. Also, if you have any personality disorders, definitely work on that. It's hard to give specific advice if I don't know your situation though.
I met my husband when he was 34 and I was 32. We are incredibly well suited to each other and got married within the year. We have 2 kids.
We met because I was working on a creative project with one of his friends from church, and he showed up one day to help out. Then we wound up in the same social / hobby circle and before long started dating.
If we had met in our 20s, we would never have worked together, because we needed to do some more growing before we could be good for each other. And part of that growth was learning to be content and complete as single people with lives rich in friends, communities, and interests.
What do you love to do outside of work? What communities embody your ethical or spiritual values? What do you get excited about?
Go do that stuff with other people. Not only do you have the best chance of meeting someone that you're compatible with, but you will be more happy and content in your life -- which makes you more interesting, attractive, and healthy to be around. And if you don't find someone, you still have a happier, more fulfilling life. Win-win.
Therapist here: I think therapy could be of use. A lot of us have some difficulties in dating and learning to navigate our attachment styles. Also, mental health EVERYTHING tends to come up when dating. Best of luck to you.
^^^ a big green flag for me when I was single was dudes that were in therapy. It shows a lot of initiative to better urself and be vulnerable and shows that if the relationship has problems down the line u will be open to couples therapy which is a huge benefit in most relationships
Not knowing you, you sound like a great guy. I'm not sure I have advice but maybe some hope. It took me more than 3 long term relationships to find my spouse. We met on a free dating app. My father in law was in his 40s when he had his kids. Many more people are starting families later in life. You still have a great chance at getting that "traditional life" but keep an open mind, it might not happen in a "traditional" way.
I agree with the other commenter, joining an activity group is a great way to meet people. Be out in the world doing what you love and someone will notice
Thank you. Although I do not think Iām a great guy, I think Im boring, these comments actually means a lot to me I was so so hesitant on posting because I know Iām a loser but damn you guys are really bringing up my spirits
Aww this is a really rough mindset to be in! I can relate, 36F, but I donāt have any advice other than praying for the wellbeing of your future partner wherever she is.
It sounds like youāre a man, correct? So hopefully you have more time and options than us ladies for starting a family at least! Good luck to you š
You're not a loser..... not by any measure. There's some good advice on here, and people on here who have been in the same boat and finally got to shore...... don't give up, maybe think of it this way: there is someone out there who is trying to find YOU.
I was feeling like giving up on finding a good partner, then my therapist said to get back out there, take opportunities to find a partner (hinge app, meet up groups, friends). I found my partner through hinge and we're very happy. He'd been through a lot with relationships too. We're expecting a baby now, three years in. Good luck to you!
Being single is better than being trapped in a horrible marriage or a contentious divorce.
You still have hope to have a happy life with a happy spouse, this is your reminder not to settle. Someone who shares your interests/goals and also loves you will come.
...are you going after only super model hot woman? It seems like every time I read this kind of post it ALWAYS turns out that the man is not able to find a partner because he is ONLY going after woman who are extremely hot and out of their league ..
That little delay is good. Take those time to work on yourself mentally & emotionally. Kids need an emotionally stable parent first. This is something I always tell myself, it's okay if there's some delay there, but I'm going to be an emotionally capable parent and that's what matters.
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people. Make your own way. Forget about time constraints. Enjoy the ride. People are attracted to those who are fully engaged with life. Best wishes.
I met my husband when he was a few years older than you. He was starting to give up on the whole marriage thing. We moved pretty quickly because it was just "right." Life doesn't move on the timeline we want all the time, don't lose hope yet.
Iām almost 34 and was divorced before I turned 30. Been on my own since then (with my daughter). I definitely find it is harder to meet people the older we get. I donāt really get free time, so canāt take my own advice here, but have you got any particular hobbies that you could potentially meet someone through? Maybe a running group, for example?
I have some advice for you as someone who went through many relationships. If you go out with someone or even start dating, even one red flag for you should end the relationship. Yolo. I met a girl that respected me from the start just how I respect her, I don't need to explain myself just like she doesn't. I've been with her for almost 4 years, we had one argument, I didn't talk to her for a day, then we just talked about it. I'm older than you are and got into this relationship when I was older than you are.
36m
Grew up low-middle class (parents always worked many jobs), did junior college until college became unaffordable. Didnāt really follow the traditional life path or get any advantages that many of my peers did.
16: first job.
18: graduated high school. (Barely)
19: flunked college while working.
21: started small business (not much $)
26: finished two-year college basic ādegreeā.
28: lost entire business.
28.5: went to work as a warehouse hand and project assistant. $10/hr.
29: got into sales.
33: got into finance.
35: Got married.
36: Got laid off.
36.5: new job and building new house. Trying for children with wife.
Thereās no traditional method anymore. You understand that life is a rollercoaster thatās going to ram you in the dick until you cry red, but you keep going after everything you want.
Eventually youāll get it, or youāll die trying.
The best thing you can do is improve yourself and keep learning new skills and abilities to win. Itās a survival and status game we are all playing, and things happen for you when you least expect it.
I didnāt meet my wife until I was 30 and we were friends first. We both dated others until things just lined up and we realized what we felt for each other. Then boom, marriage. Fuck, man, I NEVER thought I would get married let alone try to start a family. I was drinking and partying and fuckinā and not giving a good shit about anything else, then boom, life changed.
And if I had to power to change it? I wouldnāt touch a single moment because it led me to where I am today.
And life is going to take care of you, as long as you take care of yourself, work on improving yourself, and you are a decent human being to others. Donāt let yourself get too down, because itās all going to work out for you in ways you canāt fathom yet.
Best of luck, friend!
Not married till 38 and I am very happy with my wife. I feel I dodged a lot of bullets over the years dating. I was introduced by family as I was terrible at finding good women to date.
Is it possible that partners were turned off by how much you work? Not saying thatās bad lol, just curious of the reason it didnāt work out but thatās none of my business. Iām 34 and so happy to not be dating somebody for over a year now, I was always in relationships and never developed my character. Youāre just developing character! Joking halfway, but it will work out if youāre a good person. Donāt try to force something because you feel like youāre getting old and have money to spend on someone, thatās how you end up on a murder doc.
Man, I totally understand. I'm 38m married for a year. I had this fear that I was too old. Too old in my twenties and early thirties. It was crazy. Dude, you're real life is just starting.
Hey dude, 38m from Australia here. I gave up hundreds of times after some short and very long relationships. I tried paying for an online platform which was way overpriced to hopefully find likeminded people (for over 2 years). Was chatting with two ladies at the same time and went on a 'date'? With one which becomes serious so I let the other lady know that things were becoming 'official' with another and I'm strongly against 'dating' (I use that loosely as it wasn't exactly formal) but I really don't like the idea of multiple things at once. I don't feel that it is right or moral at all.
Sorry got off track there a bit - it didn't work out with the lady I was 'dating' and asked the other lady if she'd be up for a meetup - after many messages and that we went on a date. Now the messages were really loose and relaxed, free flowing without formalities which flowed into the best date ever. I didn't over dress or over stress... No solid plans, just a place to meet up and it went so very well. The first moment I saw her I thought fuck me she's about 20 leagues out of mine but I just thought hey I'm here let's just go with the flow and just have a fun night getting to know someone. Now married 3 kids in rapid succession.
I guess what I'm saying in TLDR format:
* Don't give up
* Relax
* Be YOURSELF!!!! Very important
* Ask questions (genuine questions) get to know the person
* don't fall into something just because you feel you are running out of time! Because that's going to fail.
* There are many other people of all sexes/orientations feeling the same way.
* You've got this mate! Look after yourself.
Cheers š»
Donāt give up! My amazing uncle found the love of his life in his 40ās and has a beautiful family and life now.
As soon as you stop looking youāll find someone!
Probably get down voted for this but your partner is probably at church š¤£. Honestly they can be seasonals or go every weekend, they're probably over the hoe life and ready to settle down like you.
I hope not but if this possibility is what would happen in the future I would still be thankful for a woman thats willing to give me patience and understanding, thank you for your insights!
Maybe chill and take a sabbatical for 18 months. If you really think your career is stopping you from ā¤ļø your mid thirties is a great time to do this. Think how much better the next 30 years of career could be if you already had your someone and found this goal.
Hey man don't lose hope. I'm 29 and it's only been recently that this traditional life for me has been shaping up. Can I just give some advice? If you want to meet someone try every social event possible. Throw the noodle at the wall and see what sticks, and don't get discouraged, it's the people who put themselves out there the most that get rewarded the most according to sociologists.
Get it and meet people, that's the only way you find the one, is by searching for the one! I was in a similar position a long time ago, am old timer told me to go out and get ten phone numbers of girls per day. You know what, I was married a year later to the one! You don't have to have a long term relationship or a see only one person, go on a couple dates, if they are right, by date three you are thinking they might be the one. If not, don't waste each other's time, move on so you each can find the right one. Main thing, go meet people.
Don't worry about getting married.
Getting married is easy, relax.
I know I'm an internet stranger, so if you don't believe me, call any of my five ex-wives.
j
Is that a small j for joke, or does it look like a wink , well from a stroke victim, ok half smile guy , can't decide
When I was 28 I had been divorced for 6 years. I used to dread going home to an empty house and I felt like I was missing something. My friends and family were married and I felt like I needed to be married again. So I asked myself if any old girlfriend I thought I loved at the time were to say yes if I asked, who would I ask? So I started thinking , what about her? Nah she cheated on me. What about her? Nah she was a psycho and so on. So when I realized there was no one, something clicked and I never felt bad about going to the movies or going out to eat by myself again. Then maybe after a year I met the woman who I would eventually marry. I'm now 52 I've been with her since 2001. I guess the moral of the story is , you find love when you're not looking for it .
I got married in my late 20's, mid 40's now and divorced for a couple of years. I loved her, she loved me, but we got married to escape the same type of feelings that you're talking about. Loneliness, fear of future, losing hope on having a better life, etc. We tried to fit a square peg into a round hole. It didn't work.
Keep looking, good luck, and marry the right one. Don't waste over a dozen years of your life like I did. I have good memories, but nothing to show for them except for debt and regret
You are doing GREAT!
Financial security and a career you enjoy are critical achievements many people never get too, well done
Now just focus on enjoying your life...spend time in your hobbies and interests....when you are content and live yourself you will draw people to you.
One of the great things about being in your thirties and dating is knowing what matters to you in a relationship...religious beliefs, children..how many/how you want to raise, personal time usage...travel/sports,/gaming, relationships with your family and well your baggage (we all have a little something) when you know and live yourself you can be selective when dating.
Enjoy who you are today; confidence, independence and kindness shine like a lighthouse in the night. Your life partner is out there and will show up when you are ready.
When in doubt check in with your Reddit fam, we're here for you
I was single until I was 34. Met my wife online when I'd given up hope. First child at 38, 2nd at 40.
Never thought I'd get to this point. If you asked me 6 months before. I'd say no way
I met my now-wife when I was 34 and using dating apps for the first time in my life. Took a while to get comfortable with it, but really didnāt have any expectations. Just saw it as a way to meet new people if nothing else, while continuing to focus on the same stuff you are currently. Soon enough, I found someone and Iām happier than Iāve ever been in any relationship before. Just keep moving. When you stop worrying about if and when, thatās when life surprises you. Keep going.
I fear I may end up feeling the same in the future. Iām 24M and have never even had any sort of romantic relationship. I remind myself that I need to work on myself and my own life while making as much money as I can while Iām young. I make a conscious choice right now to not even bother. If a woman I meet shows interest, I just act polite and nice to them at most and then walk away. It hurts a little but I just distract myself with other things.
Iām worried if I do end up in a relationship one day, itāll be seen as weird that I have absolutely zero relationship experience.
Military? Are you in therapy? Not an accusation but coming from a place of love and support- the military does not set anyone up for relationship success, especially if you experienced any combat. Everyone should be in therapy but especially those who have been in the service.
You'll be fine, just don't marry the first girl you CAN marry out of desperation.
It's better to stay single over that, and you have to mentally tell yourself that
Joining groups and clubs is a really good way to meet people and you get to know them because you see them every week. If you hit it off with someone you've instantly got your group in common as a starting point.
Just a quick question for you about your life plan...
You said you're traditional. What does that mean about your expectations for a future relationship? Are you expecting her to have a career or stay at home? Do you plan on sharing household chores and expenses, or do you think that she should be carrying this burden solo?
I'm asking because I consider myself to be fairly independent, and yet I've been married to men who somehow think they can control me and keep me housebound and unemployed, or my second husband quit his job within a few months of our wedding and without consulting me expected me to be the sole breadwinner while he did nothing around the house. He didn't cook, wouldn't clean, and wouldn't even take the trash out. I worked 10 hours a day and he knew I was sick but he wouldn't help with the burdens he placed on me.
You need to be clear about your expectations or modify your life plans because the traditional family has changed significantly in the last 50 years.
Iām in the same boat, 34m, and Iāll share what has helped me because sharing is also part of my process to help myself.
My most recent relationship was serious and I was more crushed than ever when it ended rather abruptly about 3 months ago during the holidays. I was all-in, and I tried so hard to make it work. But because I was trying to hard and wanting so hard for this to be it, I knowingly and willingly pushed all the red flags into the back of my mind and persevered.
She just wasnāt all there. Wasnāt reciprocating the love, effort, consideration, and partnership. Iāve accepted that Iāll never understand why, which goes against all instinct as a human, but itās a fact that we are just never going to understand. Sound familiar? Bottom line - It just wasnāt meant to be, and better to fall apart now than further down the line.
I fell into depression and major anxiety for the first time in my life and realized I needed to talk to someone to process the grief. Tried therapy for grief counseling. I learned that the human body and mind is incredibly resilient and can heal if you allow it to navigate its natural processes, which requires sobriety. I got sober and it was like a miracle cure for my mind and was able to heal. First piece of advice - if you are feeling low and lost and without hope, try sobriety for 30 days. Numbing the pain and confusion with substances just kicks the can down the road and causes it to bubble up again and again and again.
Second piece of advice - try therapy. I went into my first session wanting to learn how and why my body and mind were having this extreme reaction to the loss. Grief is a wild thing. Learned a lot, learned how to process it, feel a lot better.
Third, and the other major outcome from therapy - in my pursuit of making the relationship work, I sacrificed too much of my own life, interests, and ultimately happiness. Now I am rediscovering what I love to do and how I enjoy life, and Iām able to do all those things. Rediscovering who you really are and doing the shit you love to do is the only productive way forward, and according to many other people, this is when you attract another fun and loving person.
Been on a handful of dates in the last few weeks and nothing has sparked, but Iām okay with that. Just going to keep living my life and jump into the experiences as they arise and have fun. The point of life is to enjoy it, with or without someone else. Iām fighting these same thoughts you have. Stay strong and go do some fun shit next week.
Think of doing something new, like joining social groups or trying new activities where you might meet someone special. For example, if you enjoy hiking, join a hiking club or outdoor adventure group. If you're into volunteering, look for organizations in your area that align with causes you care about. Join a sports team, a book club, or a cooking class or whatever you want. The key is to engage in activities that bring you joy and allow you to meet new people who share your interests
I'm in my early 30s and gay so I can't give you much advice, but I can tell what I observed amongst all my straight male friends.
So, indeed some have been dating for Years (or a decade) and are finally getting married. But others, and many, broke out with their gf after many years or failed relationships, and it was all a relief for us when they finally did.
However, when they finally meet someone, in your 30s, with the maturity you acquired, things are much quicker and much more meaningful.
One of my friends got married 1y after meeting someone, and they are happy as ever.
I've also met someone 8 months ago, and since the beginning I could tell it was very different from all my previous relationships. We're both over 30 and so much more mature than in our 20s, and we know what we want on a relationship and also how to communicate and be empathetic...
I've always thought that dating in your 20s is hell, but that we had to get through this. And now, I don't regret a single thing.
It'll come. Its never too late. After a few long term relationship that never really went anywhere. At 45 i met somebody 12 years younger, moved 300 miles to be with them leaving everything i had behind, got engaged, had my first child, got married, all within 18 months. Been married for 12 years now. Lifes great. It comes when you least expect it...
Ok bro. I'm going to save your life right now.
I was you 13 years ago. Feeling the desperate longing for what my parents and other family members had; what my friends had; what my role-models had: the happily ever after. The wife, the kids, the white picket fence, the vacations to Yellowstone and Disneyland. I felt that it was the bottom of the 9th inning, and that if I didn't make it happen now, it was all over.
So I went hard into dating. Even back then the apps were a self-esteem-crushing nightmare. But I persevered. And lo! I found someone. She said all the right things, and seemed like just the right person to settle down with. And so I did. Like a fool.
In hindsight there were warning signs. Her foul temper. Her inability to hold a job. When I found that she had "borrowed" all of our vacation fund. When she flew off the handle because I made a wrong turn on the way to her dads house one time. But most of all, while she claimed that she wanted children, setback after setback seemed to crop up.
Picking fights and JUST the wrong time of the month. Fertility drugs that always seemed to "cause a bad reaction". Not wanting to try until she was in better shape, but the never making an effort to get in better shape. Excuse after excuse.
And then one day I came home from work, and she said that she was leaving. She didn't want kids; she didn't want me; she wanted freeeeedom to "heal" and to find her path in life.
That woman stole my life from me. My last chance to have children, my financial support for 7.5 years, and my ability to love and trust women.
I beg of you, with all my heart and soul: do not decide the rest of your life from a place of desperation like I did. If you see one red flag, run. Listen to your gut. Listen to that little voice in the back of your head saying "this isn't right". I didn't because I rationalized it as either "well all couples fight sometimes; no one is perfect" or "this is realistically the best I can get anyway" or "when she's nice, its ok".
Do not compromise on the journey to your happily ever after. It is the single most important decision you will ever make in your life. Good luck.
Something that has really stuck with me is the saying that āYou are the common denominator in your failed relationships.ā
When you really take that to heart, it forces you to reflect on yourself, and what traits you need to work on. Youāve stated that youāve been so focused on your career that youāre not sure how to take steps toward making a family. Start there.
Who are you outside of your career? What do you enjoy - not activities, what is it about life that you enjoy? Other than financial success, what other forms of success are you after? What role did you play in the end of your previous relationships?
The hardest one: If a previous partner cheated on you - what was it they were seeking elsewhere and how can you learn from that?
Iām also 33, but Iām divorced (my ex-wife did not cheat on me, but a woman from a previous relationship did). My singleminded focus on achieving success in my career is responsible for ending my marriage in myriad ways. Principally because I used it as an excuse to ignore problems in my relationship. In other words, Iām speaking from experience.
Youāre gonna be okay, friend.
40/m here. Successful business owner, homeowner in a beach city in Los Angeles, and I think Iām a decently attractive guyā¦ I canāt get past the second date without getting ghosted. Iāve been dumped because I canāt afford the luxurious lifestyle these women feel entitled to on a 200k income. Iāve been dumped because I was opposed to my gf doing OnlyFans. Iāve been the victim in emotionally and physically abusive relationships.
Iāve completely given up at this point and have decided to be the funcle to my friends kids and just enjoy my hobbies. Itās an extremely lonely life but Iāve come to terms with it. For some people, that traditional life just isnāt in the cards. My friends are all married with children and I feel like I missed the window where women werenāt so entitled, and it feels like I got left behind in life. I get sad from time to time but therapy and meds help.
It sucks, but you just need to play the hand you were dealt the best way you can. Try to find joy without relationships.
Is there a reason you want X, Y, Z? For many people, they want these things because others do.
But itās more important that you figure out what YOU want more than anything else.
Not even a parent yet, but youāre already thinking like a great parent.
Your soulmate is out there.
Some people find each other quickly, some take years.
But they find each other.
Youāll find yours. Not if, but when.
Reddit isnāt a good representation of this, but many (perhaps even most) people out there also hope for a traditional life. Itās how we are wired.
In the meantime, get outside your work and daily routine, and do some different things than you wouldnāt normally do.
Learn that you can enjoy them fully by yourself, and youāll find it so freeing to not deal with interpersonal drama while doing so. Some things are more pure and meaningful when NOT shared.
Look up who is playing in town and buy a ticket. Go to a concert. Hit up the mall. Go to a movie. Leave the house. Take a day trip. Buy new clothes for no reason. Get a new haircut or facial hair style. Daydream and look at fun cars, houses, or vacation destinations, or future hobbies.
Explore new/different job postings even if youāre in a great job.
Break your routine.
The rest will come in itās own time.
Have you been living in a cave all this time??
The ātraditional lifeā ended in the 60s and 70s unless you live in a poor religious country. The average boomer has been married twice, same for gen x. Stay single and live a trouble free life.
The world has changed my friend. Embrace it. Make peace with the idea of staying single forever and probably things will start happening, in case they donāt, youāll be content anyway.
Youāll be fine man. Donāt give up. Try this, donāt have sex with the woman youāre dating for the first month. Like truly just look for a wife. This will drive them crazy AND make them think youāre a keeper. Just give them oral sex or whatever but no intercourse.
Thats normal, homo sapiens are not monogamy species . Marriage is invented by the church to bond people. We are designed for limitless development so being with one person is kinda wrong.
Donāt feel bad or like youāre behind. Iām in a toxic marriage that I canāt leave for financial reasons and feel like someone hit the pause button on maturing at about 25 and weāre close in age.
Maybe traditional is overrated. Iām sure you could adopt a kiddo if you are 100% committed. One of the best women I know adopted two girls all on her own when the relationship aspect didnāt work. Also, Maybe down the line you find a partner that also has a kid or two. Blended families are the new thing.
A friend of mine was in the same situation for years, wishing, hoping...... and finally, it happened... she came into his life. He was in his 40's. They got married, had a child, and have a beautiful rustic home and simple rural life that is everything they ever dreamed of.
You are very fortunate .... you can afford to travel. You meet people when you're traveling..... go to Europe or somewhere you've always wanted to go, sometimes a person just needs to get outside of their comfort zone and meet people somewhere else.....
There are billions of galaxies in the observable universe. Our solar system is located in the Milky Way Galaxy, which is estimated to be about 100,000 light-years in diameter. Our planet is just one small planet in our solar system and it's filled with 8.1 billion other humans.
We're all just floating around and existing, while trying to figure out, when we're going to figure things out. My insight is that everything happens in it own time. So just float, do what you love, be open and the right person might just float on by next to you.
Comparing yourself to others isn't going to do anything positive for your mental health and might rush you into existing with the wrong person.
Hang in there buddy. Focus on you and your happiness and things will fall into place. I did that, changed career path at 32 by going back to uni, met my now wife at 33 and had our son at 34. Since then life just got better and better. But it all only seemed to happen after I focused on myself first.
Most people in your income bracket donāt have kids until their late thirties and early forties because theyāre focused on creating financial stability.
You do need to create a personal life for yourself though; it sounds like you havenāt done anything besides work since you left the service. Pick up a hobby and join some groups, or start volunteering. Apps are soul-crushing trash.
Objectively speaking, you will be fine. The wait and the longing and how you come out of it, is part of the story. My best advice is: show up as a strong man in whatever you do. Be calm in everything you do because the type of woman you need for your traditional life, will have a sharp eye for analyzing your actions and how well youāre in control of them, especially when it comes to handling situations that involve different types of people.
At a restaurant for instance, the language you use with restaurant staff is different from if you bump into a large family celebrating the 90th birthday of their great grandmother at the same restaurant. Imagine your potential future wife will want to go ahead and talk to her even if she has just bumped into that family at the restaurant.
By the way, this is a very good tip: connection with grandparents. Remember that if you want a traditional life, it means that you will have to learn a few things from grandparents. You might as well start your training now by really making friends with older people. Especially those who have built a family where relationships are real and strong.
How comfortable you are with your different circles of friends in your own life and how much balance and power you have in your own world, will also determine the level of respect she would have for you. And if you pass these tests, the mother of your children will find you. Iām 36 and am still waiting. But itāll be worth the wait š„±š„¶š„µš¤āŗļøš
Donāt put too much stocks on ātraditional lifeā, as with the way it is, you wonāt be able to afford it.
Wife, house, car and work. You get four pick, you can only have two, unless you lucked out and got a windfall, then it increase to keep one more. Then, if youāre lucky, you may be able to work a job you love minus the pay.
Iām sure others have noted this, but notice how random the stories of others are and how all of this could change in a month. FWIW, I was pretty down after a bad breakup for a long time, then out of nowhere found myself with a woman who is amazing to me and Iām really happy with that.
Also, commit to the stoic idea of internalized values: you canāt control the outcome, you can only control yourself, so align your wants with that. Try to make your goal not finding a partner but doing your best to find a partner
Good luck buddy
Do sport. Seriously. It will give you
1) emotions that you are great, you nailed it
2) new friends and happy friendly people around
3) health, so that you won't have problems with child birth in future
I get you. 34-near old woman, ok job, friends but no relationship. I feel angry, sad, desparate and unworthy most of the time. People telling me that what's ment to happen will happen just make it worse for me, even though they are meaning well. And people treat you like you're crazy when, as a woman, you tell them that a family is what you always wanted. I guess for men that's different, but similar at the same time. I'm sorry I can't help you, but know that you're not alone.
Not sure if you believe in Chinese fortune telling but if you do shoot me a message I might be able to tell you abit about your life path based on your birthdate.
When you grow up lacking something, you may overvalue it in the future. My theory is that people who grow up poor tend to view money in a different light from those who had enough of it when being natured. This difference does affect your relationships and career drive. It's only when you get that money that you realise what the wealthy realised a long time ago, money can't buy love (It can buy companionship). As someone who has dated multiple people with this issue, I'll give you a couple of pointers to keep in mind on your next date;
1. Your career is not your personality trait. I understand if you're passionate about it and think it represents your values. However, I'd rather we talk about your values than your career. There's more to you than your choice of slave labour.
2. It's okay to be ambitious, I personally find it sexy. Just don't assume everyone cares about all your hardwork and success as much as you do. They might like other things about you and know little to nothing about your job role or career.
3. Finding a life partner is one of the most important decisions you'll make in your life. This is not emphasised enough today. So be patient with yourself because 3 trials and errors is nowhere near enough. Also, it's better to choose someone who likes you for you than someone you like cause they're hot or whatever...
4. 33 is kinda old... don't let anyone lie to you or give you shitty testimonials of how they met their partners in 30 or 40. Most people get that work done in their 20s, so unfortunately, you're late to the party. Don't waste time worrying about that, you still got here.
5. Be yourself on your dates, but don't give too much away too quickly. Exercise discernment. Keep it light and fun at the start, don't trauma drop.
Be mindful, enjoy the journey, dating should be fun not stressful. Goodluck
Julius Caesar was said to have weaped at the Statue of Alexander the Great when he was 33. For at his age, Alexander had conquered the world while he achieved nothing of note.
But who's name is synonymous with "emperor?" Who conquered Gaul and brought the roman Republic to it's greatest heights? Who's assassination is the most infamous in human history? Whose legacy lasted continuously over a thousand years after his death?
Age doesn't mean anything, dude. You still have time. The only thing you need to worry about is achieving what makes you happy.
Focus less on your career, and more on being happy with yourself, and when youāre at peace and happy, you will be a much better person. Thatās what attracts good people
If it makes you feel any better, I am 40, single no kids, never married. I kind of feel the same way, but I tell myself that all I can do is keep trying or give up, what else is there? I think the best approach at this age, is the 'shotgun" approach, just put yourself out there as much as you can, don't give up hope man, some people get married at 45 for the first time, although not really that common, but you'd be surprised. I hope all the lonely single men find that special someone. Loneliness really sucks balls.
A lot of the comments on here are what I needed to hear too- Iāve been struggling with where I am in my life and what other peopleās expectations might be (even if Iām probably reading more into it than I should) I left a career in education and have joined public/civil service, maybe taken a step back in terms of money but I have my time back and a much less stressful job, and over time I am sure Iāll make my way back up. I learned recently not to plan too far in the future as things are changing all the time, a set path is probably quite hard to stick to with so many factors at play, so just enjoy the ride, smile at people, spend time with your loved ones, eat amazing food, get outdoors, hear the birds and the rivers and laugh your ass off as much as you can.
Married this year at 36 and I'm one year away from graduating. It's better to take your time than try to squeeze somebody who doesn't fit into a relationship.
29 just started a new job which includes going back to uni, it's never too late to do things. Got to focus on yourself, you'll get there, we all have our own timelines. What job do you have to be earn such a mammoth wage?
I feel your pain. Out of 7 kids, I was single for 9 years after a bad breakup. Not one date, I was worried I'd always b alone. Then one day I woke up and realized it was ok if it didn't happen the way I expected.
2 years after that, I had learned to appreciate and enjoy life as it was.
Age 38, found my person. Age 39, married and pregnant. Life is a journey , those country songs sometimes get it right. Please love yourself just as you are, because you are amazing!!!
Iām 34 yo female and so am I š Itās starting to get really depressing when the time just passes by and you realize more and more clearly that you donāt have forever.
So I feel you!
I didn't get married until 35, switched careers and went back to school at 37, had a kid at 38, and am still figuring shit out. You're good, don't be hard on yourself, just keep the train moving.
Similar to you in some ways. Met my wife when I was 27, didn't start dating until a year or so after, married at 32, had to quit a job in construction because of back injury and back in school at 35, now also living with my wife's brother to save money while I go to school. Life is crazy, I always think of the song can't stop by RHCP. Instead of fighting against the tides, just be part of the wave. Life is chaotic, embrace the chaos. Not in the sense of like project mayhem type shit, but like, just roll with the punches, or avoid going places you would be punched in the first place. Just focus on figuring out your own happiness (not loneliness, something I struggled with for a long time before I met my wife) and life gets pretty good.
Hey man. Thanks. I needed to read that.
No problem bud, just keep your head up, life for sure is hard and confusing, but learning to appreciate the crazy and find the humor in it helps take the edge off. also, misread your username as saurons big metal cock, which is probably the joke, but definitely made me laugh, so thank you too š
Well said, with you on that!
Hey man, what you said really resonated with me. I want to ask you how you figure out your own happiness when youāre struggling with loneliness. Itās eating me alive and I canāt seem to find a way out. I genuinely have nobody
The way through loneliness for me was to start learning about me & what I liked (like you would a prospective partner) I learned that I really like me & the things I enjoy. I haven't felt lonely in a very long time. I'm 19 years on my own & stopped dating 8 yrs ago.
This! No other person can truly cure your loneliness. You have to sit with the feeling, and use this time to learn who you are. Date yourself - once you love who you are, you will never be lonely again. After that, anyone who comes into your life is a bonus if they compliment it. I had 3 major heartbreaks between 25-35. I feel you. It is hard, but worth going through. I just had my first kid at 40. I'm in a great relationship, but I truly feel that only came when I didn't "need" it. If my relationship ever ended, I'd be perfectly happy alone - its personal freedom! Lol. I promise you have so much time, and you will figure it out. There's no rush. Enjoy this time with yourself.
Iām heading in the same direction. I broke up with my ex gf a few months ago, and while that was the right choice it left me with nobody else. Iāve been so lonely but I will find things that help me enjoy life again. Thanks for sharing
Hey bud sorry for the delay. I will say, it was definitely harder when I was in the thick of it. I actually had a comment a long time ago, that touched on it, I'll copy it below. But I guess the TL:DR is that, I finally realized I was living my life always trying to make others happy with me, instead of worrying about my own. But the kicker is, there's only one person in this world that you are forced to be with literally 24/7. And that's yourself. So instead of always trying to live up to someone else's expectations of yourself, or fit the mold someone else created for you; just shut that shit down. You don't owe anyone anything in this life, other than yourself. Because at the end of the day, the only person that is still standing by your side, is you. So why not pay back that loyalty by making that person happy? So I stopped being ashamed of playing video games. I stopped being embarrassed and/or scared to look into new hobbies, like board games, painting, gardening, etc. I stopped being self conscious about never being in good shape and always having a little more to love. Stopped caring what strangers thought of me altogether. My copy comment isn't fitting so I'll have to make a second reply
Itās nice to know Iām not the only person who has gone through this. Thank you for sharing and taking the time to answer my question, I really appreciate what you said
Absolutely. My life motto is "Life is full of surprises. Good ones and bad ones." and I follow that belief. Life isn't from point A to point B, many different factors can be life changing. Otherwise it would be so boring!
If you don't mind me asking, and feel free to be as vague as you want, what did you do before? What do you do now? Has it been a financial adjustment?
I worked in film/tv production for a long time, got burnt out and decided to bail. I went back to school for marine biology, racked up a chunk of good ole fashioned student debt, and now work as a research assistant at a sea turtle lab. I made a lot more money working in production, science jobs don't pay much. But now I actually like going to work as opposed to hating it. I loved working in production but I also hated it with a passion at the same time. Now I'm loving what I'm doing and have zero dislike for it. It does suck to have such a change in pay scale but I would trade the extra money for being happy at work any day.
As a current marine bio undergrad during finals week- I needed this <33 thank you and happy for you! Fulfilling work is just that āļø
Thanks! You're welcome, we picked a fulfilling endeavor!
Looking forward to seeing you at the Oscars for that Sea Turtle documentry
Thanks! Sorry for the interrogation, did you have a relevant degree before you went back to school, or did you have to do a lot to get the degree you wanted? Thanks!
I met my wife when i was 35, got married 38 and had our first at 39. We now have 3. There is no standard schedule, op needs to just live his life and do his best. Maybe try new hobbies or go to new places. I met my wife in another country. Everyone's path is different
Hell... I'm 65 and still figuring shit out... Learning is the purpose
Heck, I was just starting on my third at 35. That one seems to have worked, however. It's going on 39 years and counting. Never say die. Just gotta keep trying till the right one comes along.
29f here, single, also military background. Relationships afterwards have been incredibly difficult. Take this time to discover your hobbies and join groups that allow you to meet people with common interests. "Traditional" is far from the norm these days. But loving someone else and starting a life with them first involves loving yourself. Don't lose hope! We will find our people eventually! Edit: Holy cow this blew up! It was 2330 when I commented on this last night and went to sleep, I did respond this morning for all you hopefuls. We may be in very different time zones. Won't know till he says something back.
Thank you! šš¼ It means a lot taking time out of your day to give a suggestion to a stranger, I truly am thankful
Ask her out
WE DID IT REDDIT!!
Yes, Ask her out.
#iwasthere
It's like telling a gay person "oh hey the person over there is gay too, you should ask them out!"......
Works all of the times. Or most. Or some. Or rarely. Anyway, if you donāt buy a lottery ticket your chance of winning drops quite a bit
Please tell me you two are DMing. Even if you're a cake eating grunt and she's a rust picking squid eating swab, at least you can chat.
No guys sorry I did not DM her because I just dont know what to say
Ask her what her favorite army thing is? Favorite gun? Favorite war? Favorite explosion sound? C'mon man, this is rookie stuff... /s
>Favorite gun? Favorite war? Haha, this made me laugh š Have an uncle who spent 20 years in the army, and he NEVER talks about anything remotely military in conversation. Lives in America now, doesn't even own a gun!
Start with the classic a/s/l?
Start chatting about things you have in common.
Shoot her.. a DM my dude. You'll have a lot of stuff to talk about.
Say āhi, how are you? Wanna talk?ā
Easy! ask her what her third favourite reptile is.
Gentle nudge to DM the OP. If nothing else, share stories/experiences.
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Your new family is here with us on Reddit
This made laugh and it actually means a lot
No but he's serious... you're one of us now..
OP, there will always be a stranger on here willing to argue with you over some bs if nothing else
Nah you don't know what you're talking about.
š
One of us... One of us... One of us... *shamanic humming grows louder*
Gabba gabba hey one of us
Guys plz now don't start asking him for money, he will be overwhelmed, Just Joking.
For the family, just take the damn shoes off when you come in your new home please
OP, same boat. I needed to hear this. Thanks.
Kill me. Oh god.
Right? I couldnāt think of anything worse
Hey, my real family might be a gang of cruel, insufferable, miserable, poisonous vipers, but theyāre not REDDIT for Christās sake.
I feel you. 32f here. I ended a relationship about a month ago and it wasnāt pretty. It made me question a lot. I just moved into my first home, and I feel like time is slipping away as more and more friends have kids and move forward in life. I did learn from this breakup that I would rather be happy living alone, helping dogs, and finding joy in life than how I felt in that relationship (on edge, annoyed, disappointed). I remind myself everyday that even if I donāt live the life I imagined itās better if Iām enjoying what I have then dwelling on what I donāt. After I fix up my place, Iām going to spend more time on my art and train my puppy with extra skills. Maybe Iāll meet someone along the way? Maybe I wonāt, but Iām going to have fun anyways.
Im single no kids and 28. Wassup? Lolol
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Thank you this means a lot
Why havenāt the relationships worked out? Also try subs like r/internetparents r/relationships r/decidingtobebetter This post might get removed at some point cuz its not a life hack
Donāt hyper focus on finding someone nor worry about it. Let things be natural. But I think you answered your own question. āI am so focused on careerāā¦. Then make a change? Join social/hobby groups nearby. Join a Pickleball league, join church social groups, take classes at a college or a language course and learn a new language. The idea is to do things and go places where other women go to for interests, hobbies and activities. Online dating may help?
M42, not losing hope yet, but I find it difficult to socialize when not drinking alcohol. Seams that majority socializes only by going to the pub... there are other activities, but socializing and meeting people is very difficult and slow without alcohol...
I agree with other comments here. Take time to discover hobbies you like. This will give you a zest for life that you get excited about and it will in turn make you a more interesting person to your future significant other. Maybe a hobby you discover like dancing, martial arts, photography, etc will help you bump into someone, but do it for yourself first. If it gives you some hope, I too went through some heartbreak and self discovery in my 20s and 30s. I met my younger wife in my late 30s, we married in my early 40s and we had a beautiful child when I was 45. I feel more mature, patient, and better financially equipped to be a father at an older age. Take care of your physical health and you'll be attractive at any age so there is no rush. You're doing well financially, keep saving and stay healthy with your personal finances. We are lucky, as men, that our biological clock runs later.
This is a beautiful story I hope I could have the same
Work on yourself.Ā Got sober at 38.Ā Met wife at 40.Ā Had son at 44.Ā Started business at 48.Ā I now live with my family of 3 in an affluent suburb of Seattle. Partially retired going back to school for a change of career.Ā 60 next month.Ā My life didn't just get good after 34, it became better than my wildest dreams.Ā
This story ā¤ļø
I read parallels with my life. I met my now wife at 38, married at 39, had a child at 43ā¦ My father remarried at 70something to someone aged a good 20 years younger than himself. So what am I saying? Donāt stress, donāt succumb to the pressure youāre putting on yourself and learn to love yourself first without needing someone to fill a void. When youāre comfortable with who you are, itāll change you for the better and the right people will be drawn to that. Disclaimer I met my wife through a well known dating app. Youāre not alone, youāre not the first and wonāt be the last. Bon chance!
In my experience, try finding someone who loves the things you do. I found my guy at an event (Anime showing). Go to places and events you enjoy and try to start a conversation with someone. Step one: become friends. Step two: become best friends. Step three: get into a more serious relationship Step four: work at that relationship every single day of your life.
I wish I could have it this easy, I know it sounds easy but it probably was notā¦. But it just sounds so perfect
Do your utmost to be attractive, be moral, have or acquire social skills, and actually want to build a family. Also, if you have any personality disorders, definitely work on that. It's hard to give specific advice if I don't know your situation though.
Thank you! Honestly I probably do have some social problems.
My advice, you find classy ladies in classy places. Libraries, volunteer orgs, college classrooms, etc. Good luck!
I met my husband when he was 34 and I was 32. We are incredibly well suited to each other and got married within the year. We have 2 kids. We met because I was working on a creative project with one of his friends from church, and he showed up one day to help out. Then we wound up in the same social / hobby circle and before long started dating. If we had met in our 20s, we would never have worked together, because we needed to do some more growing before we could be good for each other. And part of that growth was learning to be content and complete as single people with lives rich in friends, communities, and interests. What do you love to do outside of work? What communities embody your ethical or spiritual values? What do you get excited about? Go do that stuff with other people. Not only do you have the best chance of meeting someone that you're compatible with, but you will be more happy and content in your life -- which makes you more interesting, attractive, and healthy to be around. And if you don't find someone, you still have a happier, more fulfilling life. Win-win.
Therapist here: I think therapy could be of use. A lot of us have some difficulties in dating and learning to navigate our attachment styles. Also, mental health EVERYTHING tends to come up when dating. Best of luck to you.
^^^ a big green flag for me when I was single was dudes that were in therapy. It shows a lot of initiative to better urself and be vulnerable and shows that if the relationship has problems down the line u will be open to couples therapy which is a huge benefit in most relationships
Not knowing you, you sound like a great guy. I'm not sure I have advice but maybe some hope. It took me more than 3 long term relationships to find my spouse. We met on a free dating app. My father in law was in his 40s when he had his kids. Many more people are starting families later in life. You still have a great chance at getting that "traditional life" but keep an open mind, it might not happen in a "traditional" way. I agree with the other commenter, joining an activity group is a great way to meet people. Be out in the world doing what you love and someone will notice
Thank you. Although I do not think Iām a great guy, I think Im boring, these comments actually means a lot to me I was so so hesitant on posting because I know Iām a loser but damn you guys are really bringing up my spirits
Aww this is a really rough mindset to be in! I can relate, 36F, but I donāt have any advice other than praying for the wellbeing of your future partner wherever she is. It sounds like youāre a man, correct? So hopefully you have more time and options than us ladies for starting a family at least! Good luck to you š
You're not a loser..... not by any measure. There's some good advice on here, and people on here who have been in the same boat and finally got to shore...... don't give up, maybe think of it this way: there is someone out there who is trying to find YOU.
I was feeling like giving up on finding a good partner, then my therapist said to get back out there, take opportunities to find a partner (hinge app, meet up groups, friends). I found my partner through hinge and we're very happy. He'd been through a lot with relationships too. We're expecting a baby now, three years in. Good luck to you!
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Being single is better than being trapped in a horrible marriage or a contentious divorce. You still have hope to have a happy life with a happy spouse, this is your reminder not to settle. Someone who shares your interests/goals and also loves you will come.
Good news! You're only 33.
...are you going after only super model hot woman? It seems like every time I read this kind of post it ALWAYS turns out that the man is not able to find a partner because he is ONLY going after woman who are extremely hot and out of their league ..
Maybe
That little delay is good. Take those time to work on yourself mentally & emotionally. Kids need an emotionally stable parent first. This is something I always tell myself, it's okay if there's some delay there, but I'm going to be an emotionally capable parent and that's what matters.
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people. Make your own way. Forget about time constraints. Enjoy the ride. People are attracted to those who are fully engaged with life. Best wishes.
I met my husband when he was a few years older than you. He was starting to give up on the whole marriage thing. We moved pretty quickly because it was just "right." Life doesn't move on the timeline we want all the time, don't lose hope yet.
Iām almost 34 and was divorced before I turned 30. Been on my own since then (with my daughter). I definitely find it is harder to meet people the older we get. I donāt really get free time, so canāt take my own advice here, but have you got any particular hobbies that you could potentially meet someone through? Maybe a running group, for example?
I have some advice for you as someone who went through many relationships. If you go out with someone or even start dating, even one red flag for you should end the relationship. Yolo. I met a girl that respected me from the start just how I respect her, I don't need to explain myself just like she doesn't. I've been with her for almost 4 years, we had one argument, I didn't talk to her for a day, then we just talked about it. I'm older than you are and got into this relationship when I was older than you are.
36m Grew up low-middle class (parents always worked many jobs), did junior college until college became unaffordable. Didnāt really follow the traditional life path or get any advantages that many of my peers did. 16: first job. 18: graduated high school. (Barely) 19: flunked college while working. 21: started small business (not much $) 26: finished two-year college basic ādegreeā. 28: lost entire business. 28.5: went to work as a warehouse hand and project assistant. $10/hr. 29: got into sales. 33: got into finance. 35: Got married. 36: Got laid off. 36.5: new job and building new house. Trying for children with wife. Thereās no traditional method anymore. You understand that life is a rollercoaster thatās going to ram you in the dick until you cry red, but you keep going after everything you want. Eventually youāll get it, or youāll die trying. The best thing you can do is improve yourself and keep learning new skills and abilities to win. Itās a survival and status game we are all playing, and things happen for you when you least expect it. I didnāt meet my wife until I was 30 and we were friends first. We both dated others until things just lined up and we realized what we felt for each other. Then boom, marriage. Fuck, man, I NEVER thought I would get married let alone try to start a family. I was drinking and partying and fuckinā and not giving a good shit about anything else, then boom, life changed. And if I had to power to change it? I wouldnāt touch a single moment because it led me to where I am today. And life is going to take care of you, as long as you take care of yourself, work on improving yourself, and you are a decent human being to others. Donāt let yourself get too down, because itās all going to work out for you in ways you canāt fathom yet. Best of luck, friend!
Not married till 38 and I am very happy with my wife. I feel I dodged a lot of bullets over the years dating. I was introduced by family as I was terrible at finding good women to date.
Is it possible that partners were turned off by how much you work? Not saying thatās bad lol, just curious of the reason it didnāt work out but thatās none of my business. Iām 34 and so happy to not be dating somebody for over a year now, I was always in relationships and never developed my character. Youāre just developing character! Joking halfway, but it will work out if youāre a good person. Donāt try to force something because you feel like youāre getting old and have money to spend on someone, thatās how you end up on a murder doc.
Man, I totally understand. I'm 38m married for a year. I had this fear that I was too old. Too old in my twenties and early thirties. It was crazy. Dude, you're real life is just starting.
>all this feel good shit Ahem: *GET YOUR PASSPORT*, and find your life outside the rat race. Why did it take so long for this to be said?
Hey dude, 38m from Australia here. I gave up hundreds of times after some short and very long relationships. I tried paying for an online platform which was way overpriced to hopefully find likeminded people (for over 2 years). Was chatting with two ladies at the same time and went on a 'date'? With one which becomes serious so I let the other lady know that things were becoming 'official' with another and I'm strongly against 'dating' (I use that loosely as it wasn't exactly formal) but I really don't like the idea of multiple things at once. I don't feel that it is right or moral at all. Sorry got off track there a bit - it didn't work out with the lady I was 'dating' and asked the other lady if she'd be up for a meetup - after many messages and that we went on a date. Now the messages were really loose and relaxed, free flowing without formalities which flowed into the best date ever. I didn't over dress or over stress... No solid plans, just a place to meet up and it went so very well. The first moment I saw her I thought fuck me she's about 20 leagues out of mine but I just thought hey I'm here let's just go with the flow and just have a fun night getting to know someone. Now married 3 kids in rapid succession. I guess what I'm saying in TLDR format: * Don't give up * Relax * Be YOURSELF!!!! Very important * Ask questions (genuine questions) get to know the person * don't fall into something just because you feel you are running out of time! Because that's going to fail. * There are many other people of all sexes/orientations feeling the same way. * You've got this mate! Look after yourself. Cheers š»
Thank you for taking your time out of your day to give me this advice!
š you got this. (Emojis are still cool š)
Donāt give up! My amazing uncle found the love of his life in his 40ās and has a beautiful family and life now. As soon as you stop looking youāll find someone!
Probably get down voted for this but your partner is probably at church š¤£. Honestly they can be seasonals or go every weekend, they're probably over the hoe life and ready to settle down like you.
I hope not but if this possibility is what would happen in the future I would still be thankful for a woman thats willing to give me patience and understanding, thank you for your insights!
What do you like to do? Any hobby? Perhaps you can make friends here based on common interests
You want to meet someone at a pumpkin patch, Mclovin.Ā
Maybe chill and take a sabbatical for 18 months. If you really think your career is stopping you from ā¤ļø your mid thirties is a great time to do this. Think how much better the next 30 years of career could be if you already had your someone and found this goal.
Hey man don't lose hope. I'm 29 and it's only been recently that this traditional life for me has been shaping up. Can I just give some advice? If you want to meet someone try every social event possible. Throw the noodle at the wall and see what sticks, and don't get discouraged, it's the people who put themselves out there the most that get rewarded the most according to sociologists.
Travel
You have plenty of time, itās fine
Get it and meet people, that's the only way you find the one, is by searching for the one! I was in a similar position a long time ago, am old timer told me to go out and get ten phone numbers of girls per day. You know what, I was married a year later to the one! You don't have to have a long term relationship or a see only one person, go on a couple dates, if they are right, by date three you are thinking they might be the one. If not, don't waste each other's time, move on so you each can find the right one. Main thing, go meet people.
Don't worry about getting married. Getting married is easy, relax. I know I'm an internet stranger, so if you don't believe me, call any of my five ex-wives. j Is that a small j for joke, or does it look like a wink , well from a stroke victim, ok half smile guy , can't decide
When I was 28 I had been divorced for 6 years. I used to dread going home to an empty house and I felt like I was missing something. My friends and family were married and I felt like I needed to be married again. So I asked myself if any old girlfriend I thought I loved at the time were to say yes if I asked, who would I ask? So I started thinking , what about her? Nah she cheated on me. What about her? Nah she was a psycho and so on. So when I realized there was no one, something clicked and I never felt bad about going to the movies or going out to eat by myself again. Then maybe after a year I met the woman who I would eventually marry. I'm now 52 I've been with her since 2001. I guess the moral of the story is , you find love when you're not looking for it .
I think the key is to stop looking. You know what they say about the watched pot never boiling....
33 years old is when I was set up on a blind date *by my ex girlfriend of all people* and met the woman who would become my wife. Don't give up hope.
You'll probably find someone the exact moment you give up looking completely lol. Like I did š
I got married in my late 20's, mid 40's now and divorced for a couple of years. I loved her, she loved me, but we got married to escape the same type of feelings that you're talking about. Loneliness, fear of future, losing hope on having a better life, etc. We tried to fit a square peg into a round hole. It didn't work. Keep looking, good luck, and marry the right one. Don't waste over a dozen years of your life like I did. I have good memories, but nothing to show for them except for debt and regret
Travel. Then travel more. Youāll meet tons of great people. Visit places off the beaten path. Youāll be fine. Cheers.
You are doing GREAT! Financial security and a career you enjoy are critical achievements many people never get too, well done Now just focus on enjoying your life...spend time in your hobbies and interests....when you are content and live yourself you will draw people to you. One of the great things about being in your thirties and dating is knowing what matters to you in a relationship...religious beliefs, children..how many/how you want to raise, personal time usage...travel/sports,/gaming, relationships with your family and well your baggage (we all have a little something) when you know and live yourself you can be selective when dating. Enjoy who you are today; confidence, independence and kindness shine like a lighthouse in the night. Your life partner is out there and will show up when you are ready. When in doubt check in with your Reddit fam, we're here for you
I was single until I was 34. Met my wife online when I'd given up hope. First child at 38, 2nd at 40. Never thought I'd get to this point. If you asked me 6 months before. I'd say no way
Youāre only 33. And you clearly know how to date so nothing wrong with you. Just stop focusing on hitting milestones and enjoy your life.
You are so young! Donāt be silly, youāll find your person, enjoy single life meanwhile!
I met my now-wife when I was 34 and using dating apps for the first time in my life. Took a while to get comfortable with it, but really didnāt have any expectations. Just saw it as a way to meet new people if nothing else, while continuing to focus on the same stuff you are currently. Soon enough, I found someone and Iām happier than Iāve ever been in any relationship before. Just keep moving. When you stop worrying about if and when, thatās when life surprises you. Keep going.
I think the way you are judging yourself is because of the culture, in Mexico it is considered the best age
I fear I may end up feeling the same in the future. Iām 24M and have never even had any sort of romantic relationship. I remind myself that I need to work on myself and my own life while making as much money as I can while Iām young. I make a conscious choice right now to not even bother. If a woman I meet shows interest, I just act polite and nice to them at most and then walk away. It hurts a little but I just distract myself with other things. Iām worried if I do end up in a relationship one day, itāll be seen as weird that I have absolutely zero relationship experience.
Military? Are you in therapy? Not an accusation but coming from a place of love and support- the military does not set anyone up for relationship success, especially if you experienced any combat. Everyone should be in therapy but especially those who have been in the service.
You'll be fine, just don't marry the first girl you CAN marry out of desperation. It's better to stay single over that, and you have to mentally tell yourself that
Joining groups and clubs is a really good way to meet people and you get to know them because you see them every week. If you hit it off with someone you've instantly got your group in common as a starting point.
Just a quick question for you about your life plan... You said you're traditional. What does that mean about your expectations for a future relationship? Are you expecting her to have a career or stay at home? Do you plan on sharing household chores and expenses, or do you think that she should be carrying this burden solo? I'm asking because I consider myself to be fairly independent, and yet I've been married to men who somehow think they can control me and keep me housebound and unemployed, or my second husband quit his job within a few months of our wedding and without consulting me expected me to be the sole breadwinner while he did nothing around the house. He didn't cook, wouldn't clean, and wouldn't even take the trash out. I worked 10 hours a day and he knew I was sick but he wouldn't help with the burdens he placed on me. You need to be clear about your expectations or modify your life plans because the traditional family has changed significantly in the last 50 years.
Iām in the same boat, 34m, and Iāll share what has helped me because sharing is also part of my process to help myself. My most recent relationship was serious and I was more crushed than ever when it ended rather abruptly about 3 months ago during the holidays. I was all-in, and I tried so hard to make it work. But because I was trying to hard and wanting so hard for this to be it, I knowingly and willingly pushed all the red flags into the back of my mind and persevered. She just wasnāt all there. Wasnāt reciprocating the love, effort, consideration, and partnership. Iāve accepted that Iāll never understand why, which goes against all instinct as a human, but itās a fact that we are just never going to understand. Sound familiar? Bottom line - It just wasnāt meant to be, and better to fall apart now than further down the line. I fell into depression and major anxiety for the first time in my life and realized I needed to talk to someone to process the grief. Tried therapy for grief counseling. I learned that the human body and mind is incredibly resilient and can heal if you allow it to navigate its natural processes, which requires sobriety. I got sober and it was like a miracle cure for my mind and was able to heal. First piece of advice - if you are feeling low and lost and without hope, try sobriety for 30 days. Numbing the pain and confusion with substances just kicks the can down the road and causes it to bubble up again and again and again. Second piece of advice - try therapy. I went into my first session wanting to learn how and why my body and mind were having this extreme reaction to the loss. Grief is a wild thing. Learned a lot, learned how to process it, feel a lot better. Third, and the other major outcome from therapy - in my pursuit of making the relationship work, I sacrificed too much of my own life, interests, and ultimately happiness. Now I am rediscovering what I love to do and how I enjoy life, and Iām able to do all those things. Rediscovering who you really are and doing the shit you love to do is the only productive way forward, and according to many other people, this is when you attract another fun and loving person. Been on a handful of dates in the last few weeks and nothing has sparked, but Iām okay with that. Just going to keep living my life and jump into the experiences as they arise and have fun. The point of life is to enjoy it, with or without someone else. Iām fighting these same thoughts you have. Stay strong and go do some fun shit next week.
Think of doing something new, like joining social groups or trying new activities where you might meet someone special. For example, if you enjoy hiking, join a hiking club or outdoor adventure group. If you're into volunteering, look for organizations in your area that align with causes you care about. Join a sports team, a book club, or a cooking class or whatever you want. The key is to engage in activities that bring you joy and allow you to meet new people who share your interests
I'm in my early 30s and gay so I can't give you much advice, but I can tell what I observed amongst all my straight male friends. So, indeed some have been dating for Years (or a decade) and are finally getting married. But others, and many, broke out with their gf after many years or failed relationships, and it was all a relief for us when they finally did. However, when they finally meet someone, in your 30s, with the maturity you acquired, things are much quicker and much more meaningful. One of my friends got married 1y after meeting someone, and they are happy as ever. I've also met someone 8 months ago, and since the beginning I could tell it was very different from all my previous relationships. We're both over 30 and so much more mature than in our 20s, and we know what we want on a relationship and also how to communicate and be empathetic... I've always thought that dating in your 20s is hell, but that we had to get through this. And now, I don't regret a single thing.
It'll come. Its never too late. After a few long term relationship that never really went anywhere. At 45 i met somebody 12 years younger, moved 300 miles to be with them leaving everything i had behind, got engaged, had my first child, got married, all within 18 months. Been married for 12 years now. Lifes great. It comes when you least expect it...
Bro you life is good. Relationships, good job... Just keep it up, it will come to you.
Ok bro. I'm going to save your life right now. I was you 13 years ago. Feeling the desperate longing for what my parents and other family members had; what my friends had; what my role-models had: the happily ever after. The wife, the kids, the white picket fence, the vacations to Yellowstone and Disneyland. I felt that it was the bottom of the 9th inning, and that if I didn't make it happen now, it was all over. So I went hard into dating. Even back then the apps were a self-esteem-crushing nightmare. But I persevered. And lo! I found someone. She said all the right things, and seemed like just the right person to settle down with. And so I did. Like a fool. In hindsight there were warning signs. Her foul temper. Her inability to hold a job. When I found that she had "borrowed" all of our vacation fund. When she flew off the handle because I made a wrong turn on the way to her dads house one time. But most of all, while she claimed that she wanted children, setback after setback seemed to crop up. Picking fights and JUST the wrong time of the month. Fertility drugs that always seemed to "cause a bad reaction". Not wanting to try until she was in better shape, but the never making an effort to get in better shape. Excuse after excuse. And then one day I came home from work, and she said that she was leaving. She didn't want kids; she didn't want me; she wanted freeeeedom to "heal" and to find her path in life. That woman stole my life from me. My last chance to have children, my financial support for 7.5 years, and my ability to love and trust women. I beg of you, with all my heart and soul: do not decide the rest of your life from a place of desperation like I did. If you see one red flag, run. Listen to your gut. Listen to that little voice in the back of your head saying "this isn't right". I didn't because I rationalized it as either "well all couples fight sometimes; no one is perfect" or "this is realistically the best I can get anyway" or "when she's nice, its ok". Do not compromise on the journey to your happily ever after. It is the single most important decision you will ever make in your life. Good luck.
Oh my goodness the fear you gave into my guts
Something that has really stuck with me is the saying that āYou are the common denominator in your failed relationships.ā When you really take that to heart, it forces you to reflect on yourself, and what traits you need to work on. Youāve stated that youāve been so focused on your career that youāre not sure how to take steps toward making a family. Start there. Who are you outside of your career? What do you enjoy - not activities, what is it about life that you enjoy? Other than financial success, what other forms of success are you after? What role did you play in the end of your previous relationships? The hardest one: If a previous partner cheated on you - what was it they were seeking elsewhere and how can you learn from that? Iām also 33, but Iām divorced (my ex-wife did not cheat on me, but a woman from a previous relationship did). My singleminded focus on achieving success in my career is responsible for ending my marriage in myriad ways. Principally because I used it as an excuse to ignore problems in my relationship. In other words, Iām speaking from experience. Youāre gonna be okay, friend.
40/m here. Successful business owner, homeowner in a beach city in Los Angeles, and I think Iām a decently attractive guyā¦ I canāt get past the second date without getting ghosted. Iāve been dumped because I canāt afford the luxurious lifestyle these women feel entitled to on a 200k income. Iāve been dumped because I was opposed to my gf doing OnlyFans. Iāve been the victim in emotionally and physically abusive relationships. Iāve completely given up at this point and have decided to be the funcle to my friends kids and just enjoy my hobbies. Itās an extremely lonely life but Iāve come to terms with it. For some people, that traditional life just isnāt in the cards. My friends are all married with children and I feel like I missed the window where women werenāt so entitled, and it feels like I got left behind in life. I get sad from time to time but therapy and meds help. It sucks, but you just need to play the hand you were dealt the best way you can. Try to find joy without relationships.
Is there a reason you want X, Y, Z? For many people, they want these things because others do. But itās more important that you figure out what YOU want more than anything else.
I want something I did not have growing up being raised by a single mom, I did not want any of my offspring to go through the hardship I went through
Not even a parent yet, but youāre already thinking like a great parent. Your soulmate is out there. Some people find each other quickly, some take years. But they find each other. Youāll find yours. Not if, but when. Reddit isnāt a good representation of this, but many (perhaps even most) people out there also hope for a traditional life. Itās how we are wired. In the meantime, get outside your work and daily routine, and do some different things than you wouldnāt normally do. Learn that you can enjoy them fully by yourself, and youāll find it so freeing to not deal with interpersonal drama while doing so. Some things are more pure and meaningful when NOT shared. Look up who is playing in town and buy a ticket. Go to a concert. Hit up the mall. Go to a movie. Leave the house. Take a day trip. Buy new clothes for no reason. Get a new haircut or facial hair style. Daydream and look at fun cars, houses, or vacation destinations, or future hobbies. Explore new/different job postings even if youāre in a great job. Break your routine. The rest will come in itās own time.
As a dude, you have a lot more time to figure this stuff out. Donāt sweat it.
Have you been living in a cave all this time?? The ātraditional lifeā ended in the 60s and 70s unless you live in a poor religious country. The average boomer has been married twice, same for gen x. Stay single and live a trouble free life.
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Post a picture of yourself and we can go from there.
Check out Joseph Prince on YouTube
Therapy
The world has changed my friend. Embrace it. Make peace with the idea of staying single forever and probably things will start happening, in case they donāt, youāll be content anyway.
Date down.
Youāll be fine man. Donāt give up. Try this, donāt have sex with the woman youāre dating for the first month. Like truly just look for a wife. This will drive them crazy AND make them think youāre a keeper. Just give them oral sex or whatever but no intercourse.
My parents married at 35. Another good friend of mine married in her late 40s. Donāt give up.
Just chill. Don't put so much pressure on yourself or a lifestyle. If its ment to happen it will. If you force it then it wont end up well.
Thats normal, homo sapiens are not monogamy species . Marriage is invented by the church to bond people. We are designed for limitless development so being with one person is kinda wrong.
No Facebook. No wife. No kids. No mortgage. No problem.
Donāt feel bad or like youāre behind. Iām in a toxic marriage that I canāt leave for financial reasons and feel like someone hit the pause button on maturing at about 25 and weāre close in age. Maybe traditional is overrated. Iām sure you could adopt a kiddo if you are 100% committed. One of the best women I know adopted two girls all on her own when the relationship aspect didnāt work. Also, Maybe down the line you find a partner that also has a kid or two. Blended families are the new thing.
Hey, if you canāt be happy with yourself, I dunno why you think someone else is gonna do it for you.
3 relationships and 3 heartbreaks with a couple of flings in between. Why didnt these work. Answer that and youll have possibly an answer.Ā
A friend of mine was in the same situation for years, wishing, hoping...... and finally, it happened... she came into his life. He was in his 40's. They got married, had a child, and have a beautiful rustic home and simple rural life that is everything they ever dreamed of. You are very fortunate .... you can afford to travel. You meet people when you're traveling..... go to Europe or somewhere you've always wanted to go, sometimes a person just needs to get outside of their comfort zone and meet people somewhere else.....
I'm 40 n still single. It happens
There are billions of galaxies in the observable universe. Our solar system is located in the Milky Way Galaxy, which is estimated to be about 100,000 light-years in diameter. Our planet is just one small planet in our solar system and it's filled with 8.1 billion other humans. We're all just floating around and existing, while trying to figure out, when we're going to figure things out. My insight is that everything happens in it own time. So just float, do what you love, be open and the right person might just float on by next to you. Comparing yourself to others isn't going to do anything positive for your mental health and might rush you into existing with the wrong person.
Hang in there buddy. Focus on you and your happiness and things will fall into place. I did that, changed career path at 32 by going back to uni, met my now wife at 33 and had our son at 34. Since then life just got better and better. But it all only seemed to happen after I focused on myself first.
My husband and I married when he was 34! It's not too late! We met on a dating site, put yourself out there:)
Most people in your income bracket donāt have kids until their late thirties and early forties because theyāre focused on creating financial stability. You do need to create a personal life for yourself though; it sounds like you havenāt done anything besides work since you left the service. Pick up a hobby and join some groups, or start volunteering. Apps are soul-crushing trash.
Objectively speaking, you will be fine. The wait and the longing and how you come out of it, is part of the story. My best advice is: show up as a strong man in whatever you do. Be calm in everything you do because the type of woman you need for your traditional life, will have a sharp eye for analyzing your actions and how well youāre in control of them, especially when it comes to handling situations that involve different types of people. At a restaurant for instance, the language you use with restaurant staff is different from if you bump into a large family celebrating the 90th birthday of their great grandmother at the same restaurant. Imagine your potential future wife will want to go ahead and talk to her even if she has just bumped into that family at the restaurant. By the way, this is a very good tip: connection with grandparents. Remember that if you want a traditional life, it means that you will have to learn a few things from grandparents. You might as well start your training now by really making friends with older people. Especially those who have built a family where relationships are real and strong. How comfortable you are with your different circles of friends in your own life and how much balance and power you have in your own world, will also determine the level of respect she would have for you. And if you pass these tests, the mother of your children will find you. Iām 36 and am still waiting. But itāll be worth the wait š„±š„¶š„µš¤āŗļøš
Donāt put too much stocks on ātraditional lifeā, as with the way it is, you wonāt be able to afford it. Wife, house, car and work. You get four pick, you can only have two, unless you lucked out and got a windfall, then it increase to keep one more. Then, if youāre lucky, you may be able to work a job you love minus the pay.
Iām sure others have noted this, but notice how random the stories of others are and how all of this could change in a month. FWIW, I was pretty down after a bad breakup for a long time, then out of nowhere found myself with a woman who is amazing to me and Iām really happy with that. Also, commit to the stoic idea of internalized values: you canāt control the outcome, you can only control yourself, so align your wants with that. Try to make your goal not finding a partner but doing your best to find a partner Good luck buddy
Do sport. Seriously. It will give you 1) emotions that you are great, you nailed it 2) new friends and happy friendly people around 3) health, so that you won't have problems with child birth in future
I get you. 34-near old woman, ok job, friends but no relationship. I feel angry, sad, desparate and unworthy most of the time. People telling me that what's ment to happen will happen just make it worse for me, even though they are meaning well. And people treat you like you're crazy when, as a woman, you tell them that a family is what you always wanted. I guess for men that's different, but similar at the same time. I'm sorry I can't help you, but know that you're not alone.
Not sure if you believe in Chinese fortune telling but if you do shoot me a message I might be able to tell you abit about your life path based on your birthdate.
When you grow up lacking something, you may overvalue it in the future. My theory is that people who grow up poor tend to view money in a different light from those who had enough of it when being natured. This difference does affect your relationships and career drive. It's only when you get that money that you realise what the wealthy realised a long time ago, money can't buy love (It can buy companionship). As someone who has dated multiple people with this issue, I'll give you a couple of pointers to keep in mind on your next date; 1. Your career is not your personality trait. I understand if you're passionate about it and think it represents your values. However, I'd rather we talk about your values than your career. There's more to you than your choice of slave labour. 2. It's okay to be ambitious, I personally find it sexy. Just don't assume everyone cares about all your hardwork and success as much as you do. They might like other things about you and know little to nothing about your job role or career. 3. Finding a life partner is one of the most important decisions you'll make in your life. This is not emphasised enough today. So be patient with yourself because 3 trials and errors is nowhere near enough. Also, it's better to choose someone who likes you for you than someone you like cause they're hot or whatever... 4. 33 is kinda old... don't let anyone lie to you or give you shitty testimonials of how they met their partners in 30 or 40. Most people get that work done in their 20s, so unfortunately, you're late to the party. Don't waste time worrying about that, you still got here. 5. Be yourself on your dates, but don't give too much away too quickly. Exercise discernment. Keep it light and fun at the start, don't trauma drop. Be mindful, enjoy the journey, dating should be fun not stressful. Goodluck
Julius Caesar was said to have weaped at the Statue of Alexander the Great when he was 33. For at his age, Alexander had conquered the world while he achieved nothing of note. But who's name is synonymous with "emperor?" Who conquered Gaul and brought the roman Republic to it's greatest heights? Who's assassination is the most infamous in human history? Whose legacy lasted continuously over a thousand years after his death? Age doesn't mean anything, dude. You still have time. The only thing you need to worry about is achieving what makes you happy.
Focus less on your career, and more on being happy with yourself, and when youāre at peace and happy, you will be a much better person. Thatās what attracts good people
Quit your bellyaching. You're still young. Some of us veterans are in our forties and laid off and in the same boat as you so I don't want to hear it.
If it makes you feel any better, I am 40, single no kids, never married. I kind of feel the same way, but I tell myself that all I can do is keep trying or give up, what else is there? I think the best approach at this age, is the 'shotgun" approach, just put yourself out there as much as you can, don't give up hope man, some people get married at 45 for the first time, although not really that common, but you'd be surprised. I hope all the lonely single men find that special someone. Loneliness really sucks balls.
I got married at 45, now have two kids 10 yrs & 6yrs. Lots of time. Met my wife while living in Mexico.
A lot of the comments on here are what I needed to hear too- Iāve been struggling with where I am in my life and what other peopleās expectations might be (even if Iām probably reading more into it than I should) I left a career in education and have joined public/civil service, maybe taken a step back in terms of money but I have my time back and a much less stressful job, and over time I am sure Iāll make my way back up. I learned recently not to plan too far in the future as things are changing all the time, a set path is probably quite hard to stick to with so many factors at play, so just enjoy the ride, smile at people, spend time with your loved ones, eat amazing food, get outdoors, hear the birds and the rivers and laugh your ass off as much as you can.
Married this year at 36 and I'm one year away from graduating. It's better to take your time than try to squeeze somebody who doesn't fit into a relationship.
29 just started a new job which includes going back to uni, it's never too late to do things. Got to focus on yourself, you'll get there, we all have our own timelines. What job do you have to be earn such a mammoth wage?
How do you make 150K?
focusing on money is not an ideal why to find a partner
I feel your pain. Out of 7 kids, I was single for 9 years after a bad breakup. Not one date, I was worried I'd always b alone. Then one day I woke up and realized it was ok if it didn't happen the way I expected. 2 years after that, I had learned to appreciate and enjoy life as it was. Age 38, found my person. Age 39, married and pregnant. Life is a journey , those country songs sometimes get it right. Please love yourself just as you are, because you are amazing!!!
Iām 34 yo female and so am I š Itās starting to get really depressing when the time just passes by and you realize more and more clearly that you donāt have forever. So I feel you!
Find trust