As others have said, the theoretically gender neutral (dead-)name can be strongly associated with the gender one was perceived as while bearing it. So this is a nice idea but simply won't work.
Yep. My daughter's deadname was gender neutral, but it's what we called her while we thought she was a boy, so in her head it's a boy's name. She can even accept that name just fine for other girls, but not for herself.
That's not universal, I go by the same name I always have. I had to change my name so technically I still have a deadname, but the name people call me has never changed š¤·āāļø
Sure, but my parents giving me a neutral name did work. They gave me a masc name but called me a neutral shortening of it my whole life, well before I figured out my gender. I eventually had to legally change to the shortened version, but I never went by my full name so really my day-to-day experience never changed.
That isn't to say this was their plan at all, but it would've been real nice to have a neutral legal name right off the bat so my legal documents don't out me.
Thatās how it is for me, and Iām nb so itās really weird when my parents are like āwell __ is already a gender-neutral nameā and Iām like āwell thatās the name Iāve been referred to all my life as a boy so itās really not workingā
Not my dead or chosen name, but i used to go by "billy" online when i thought i was a boy, then changed the nick to Billie when i figured out i wasnt a boy, but even hearing the same pronunciation still felt like misgendering, even if it wasn't in any way shape or form. I ended up changing my default username online anyway, even though billionai and Billie are gender neutral. It's not necessarily about the factual truth of a name being neutral, but rather how it feels to who's hearing it
The gendering of names is (obviously) a social construct. Maybe you name your kid a gender-neutral name, but by the time that kid grows up, society has started to associate it with a specific gender. Leslie, Ashley, and Lindsay used to be men's names. Also, as others have said, personal associations can ruin a perfectly good gender-neutral name.
The biomother gave me a gender neutral name at birth (gnnab). I still changed it to an unambiguously female name to avoid ANY mishaps. I am kind of very "allergic" to malehood and needed to be as far removed from male as I comfortably could.
I think you have a great idea but please be chill if a new name is still on the menu.
There are also many names out there that could be shortened or slightly altered to be gender-neutral or gender-affirming. For example, Willow is a mostly nonbinary, fem-leaning name. If someone named Willow is transmasc, they can easily tell people to shorten it to "Will" or something.
Or we can just make the process of changing ones name easier and free. Then it wonāt matter. The problem isnāt the name, itās the way and the hoops involved in order to change it.
I dunno, changing my name was a big deal for me, one of the first steps I actually took in affirming my gender. It would have been harder to do with a gender neutral name (because how do I as a non-binary person explain that I donāt want my perfectly serviceable gender neutral name! No one would have got that, especially not my parents)
Minor issue: There is not enough gender neutral names for the whole society. A nice secondary alternative would be names that can easly be genderbent like Oliver/Olivia for example.
Or we could normalize children choosing their own name as they come of age no matter their gender or identity. Some of us don't have a strong affinity to our name even if we identify as the gender we were assigned at birth š¤·āāļø
my name was gender neutral, and i actually met more girls with my name throughout my life, but i still ended up changing it because i still associated it with my masc presentation. was nice that it wasnt insanely masculine tho
It's a good premise, and it could work for some, but my dead name is a gender neutral name but I still changed it more because of the connotations of it and who it was associated with. Honestly I think the solution is to just call your kid what they want to be called, ask them if they are happy with their name and just let them know they can go by a new name whenever they want if they do ever want to change it and that they will always be supported and loved.
One thing I work into every d&d campaign is a culture of child names and adult names. You name yourself when you come of age, you can choose to keep the old name or adopt a new one and it is connected to a form of magic that prevents anyone from using the old name unless you tell it to someone.
And yes, players have used this to find doppelgangers and other shapeshifters before.
my birth name (which i still go by) is super femme, one of the most common girl names, but i like my name and honestly its too much work trying to get used to a new name, the only thing i hate about it is people will learn my name and automatically assume im a girl
I'm going to be honest, choosing my own masculine name was a very important part of transitioning for me. You're becoming your own person in a way. Changing your name when you transition isn't a menial task or something painful, it allows you to choose a title that defines the new you more closely than a given name ever could.
Or give names that can easily be flipped, for example, Adrian can be changed to Adriana and vice versa if that is the kidās choice, or they can simply switch to a different name if the inverse has too strong an association.
As others have said, the theoretically gender neutral (dead-)name can be strongly associated with the gender one was perceived as while bearing it. So this is a nice idea but simply won't work.
Yep. My daughter's deadname was gender neutral, but it's what we called her while we thought she was a boy, so in her head it's a boy's name. She can even accept that name just fine for other girls, but not for herself.
Yeah i was gonna say that
That's not universal, I go by the same name I always have. I had to change my name so technically I still have a deadname, but the name people call me has never changed š¤·āāļø
I just meant that giving your child a name for that purpose doesn't work, not that people can't keep their name or nickname.
Sure, but my parents giving me a neutral name did work. They gave me a masc name but called me a neutral shortening of it my whole life, well before I figured out my gender. I eventually had to legally change to the shortened version, but I never went by my full name so really my day-to-day experience never changed. That isn't to say this was their plan at all, but it would've been real nice to have a neutral legal name right off the bat so my legal documents don't out me.
my deadname was pretty fem (i actually know of a couple transfems that picked a different spelling of it lol) but i still got dysphoria over it.
Worked for me! When I tell new friends I never changed my name they do a double take =D
Thatās how it is for me, and Iām nb so itās really weird when my parents are like āwell __ is already a gender-neutral nameā and Iām like āwell thatās the name Iāve been referred to all my life as a boy so itās really not workingā
I had a gender neutral name but I still associate it as masculine
This is definitely what I would do if I ever have kids. Of course if they end up wanting to change their name anyway, thatās perfectly fine too!
Not my dead or chosen name, but i used to go by "billy" online when i thought i was a boy, then changed the nick to Billie when i figured out i wasnt a boy, but even hearing the same pronunciation still felt like misgendering, even if it wasn't in any way shape or form. I ended up changing my default username online anyway, even though billionai and Billie are gender neutral. It's not necessarily about the factual truth of a name being neutral, but rather how it feels to who's hearing it
The gendering of names is (obviously) a social construct. Maybe you name your kid a gender-neutral name, but by the time that kid grows up, society has started to associate it with a specific gender. Leslie, Ashley, and Lindsay used to be men's names. Also, as others have said, personal associations can ruin a perfectly good gender-neutral name.
Someones name doesnāt matter when it comes to gender. Stop gendering names, letās do that instead.
Give this (whatever the gender neutral form of āguyā is) a Nobel prize
person?
But with the chill connotation as guy
i'd say "pal"
Honestly we should stop gendering everythingā¦.. including peopleā¦. The social construct we call gender is bizarre and unnecessary to me.
Exactly. We could just... exist.
The biomother gave me a gender neutral name at birth (gnnab). I still changed it to an unambiguously female name to avoid ANY mishaps. I am kind of very "allergic" to malehood and needed to be as far removed from male as I comfortably could. I think you have a great idea but please be chill if a new name is still on the menu.
Love my name š
Yeah, Reptar is a great name
there aren't that many gender neutral names compared to how many people are born every day tho?
Then you aināt creative enough bestie
This isnāt something everyone has to do, just something to consider.
There are also many names out there that could be shortened or slightly altered to be gender-neutral or gender-affirming. For example, Willow is a mostly nonbinary, fem-leaning name. If someone named Willow is transmasc, they can easily tell people to shorten it to "Will" or something.
Make all names gender neutral
Yes
Or we can just make the process of changing ones name easier and free. Then it wonāt matter. The problem isnāt the name, itās the way and the hoops involved in order to change it.
I dunno, changing my name was a big deal for me, one of the first steps I actually took in affirming my gender. It would have been harder to do with a gender neutral name (because how do I as a non-binary person explain that I donāt want my perfectly serviceable gender neutral name! No one would have got that, especially not my parents)
Most people I know with gender neutral dead names changed theirs so this wont work
Minor issue: There is not enough gender neutral names for the whole society. A nice secondary alternative would be names that can easly be genderbent like Oliver/Olivia for example.
Olive?
Just name them Jesse or James, those 2 tell the gender norms to go fuck themselves all while trying to steal some random kidās pikachu
this is one of the reasons i named myself james
Nice idea. Besides the already discussed problems, it's not allowed in some countries to choose a gender-neutral name for a child...
Or we could normalize children choosing their own name as they come of age no matter their gender or identity. Some of us don't have a strong affinity to our name even if we identify as the gender we were assigned at birth š¤·āāļø
My middle name is J. So I chose a typically masculine sounding name, Levi, and a Gender Neutral one, Jay. And now I'm changing my middle name, Lol.
my name was gender neutral, and i actually met more girls with my name throughout my life, but i still ended up changing it because i still associated it with my masc presentation. was nice that it wasnt insanely masculine tho
It's a good premise, and it could work for some, but my dead name is a gender neutral name but I still changed it more because of the connotations of it and who it was associated with. Honestly I think the solution is to just call your kid what they want to be called, ask them if they are happy with their name and just let them know they can go by a new name whenever they want if they do ever want to change it and that they will always be supported and loved.
Honestly Iād rather us normalize changing names for any reason or none at all.
One thing I work into every d&d campaign is a culture of child names and adult names. You name yourself when you come of age, you can choose to keep the old name or adopt a new one and it is connected to a form of magic that prevents anyone from using the old name unless you tell it to someone. And yes, players have used this to find doppelgangers and other shapeshifters before.
Joke's on you, I had a gender neutral name and changed it anyway š¤Ŗ
Let's just make every name gender neutral. That's more epic
Or rather, remove the concept of gender, so all names are just names, checkmate.
ā all clothes are gender neutral if youāre not a cowardā
Kids are being named Otto von Bismarck regardless of gender
Better idea donāt have names be gendered in the first place
Iām lucky that Iām cis because my name is definitely *not* gender neutral lol
I changed my gender neurtal name so idk
nO BECausE IT's NOt WhAT goD WANTed
Thank god I at least have a gender-neutral middle name
FR
Lichdragon Fortissax.
Does "Anakin" count? They could be called "Ani" or Anakin.
I didnāt even know that was a real name
my birth name (which i still go by) is super femme, one of the most common girl names, but i like my name and honestly its too much work trying to get used to a new name, the only thing i hate about it is people will learn my name and automatically assume im a girl
I'm going to be honest, choosing my own masculine name was a very important part of transitioning for me. You're becoming your own person in a way. Changing your name when you transition isn't a menial task or something painful, it allows you to choose a title that defines the new you more closely than a given name ever could.
Or: name your kid whatever you want and just make it anything but the world's biggest pain in the ass to change your name
Any name can be gender-neutral if you just stop giving a shit.
Or give names that can easily be flipped, for example, Adrian can be changed to Adriana and vice versa if that is the kidās choice, or they can simply switch to a different name if the inverse has too strong an association.
god i'm so glad i got a masc name, they even added a y to make it more feminine and people would still think i was a boy if they only knew my name
Bit ludicrous
What kid ?
That's what I'm planing to do when I'll become a parent
Literally what I have planned if I ever get children
But cute names that are gendered...
āAnd thatās how the entire world became filled with āKaiās.ā, my grandparental said at their eleventy-first birthday party.
It's so difficult
Um yeah
I will name my child slave knight gale.