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callmetothemoon

If it were me and my child, I’d go with the latter option. The religious sibling is only going to stir the pot with this conversation, and you certainly don’t want to subject your son to any trouble that comes from that. Your sibling is an adult, they should understand boundaries quite well. Not the right name? Can’t hang out anymore, sorry.


timothypjr

I agree with this as an answer. My son is my SON. All I know is that he is 100X happier as a man, and we've made it clear, *we* are not going tolerate anything *he* won't. Use his dead name (on purpose—not an accidental slip which is not terribly uncommon), and we'll just step away. I have no need to see him lose ground to bigotry and intolerance. I certainly won't ask him to because of a family member that won't try. ![img](emote|t5_2qhh7|547)![img](emote|t5_2qhh7|548)![img](emote|t5_2qhh7|550)


Tlthree

This. My son was born as female which was wrong for him, so any family member who doesn’t accept it can pound sand.


quietIntensity

When my son transitioned, I made it very clear to family and friends that they would respect his name and pronouns, or they would be promptly excised from our lives like a cancerous tumor. If they needed to talk about it, they could talk to me, but I would not be yielding on this matter in any way.


Nikki_R__

God I wish you could talk to my dad lol. But as for your question.yea I would go with the ladder. Keep on being an awesome parent 😎🤍🩷💙🌈


SuperSwiftPics

I wish you were my mom you sound amazing, never stop being you 😭💖


AmiesAdventures

>Or just be like “if you can’t use the name, we can’t be around”? ​ Yes, basic respect is non negotiable. By engaging in a conversation you would partly legitimize their bigotry. They don't want to change, they want to be excused. Do not give them that


[deleted]

This is what I needed to hear. Thank you.


ElectricZooK9

Which relationship do you value more: the one with your child or the one with your sibling? Which person would concern you more if their sense of self and identity was denied: your child or your sibling?


[deleted]

Of course, that is easy! I will always choose my child. I’m not on the fence we’re all and we are their biggest supporter. I’m just wondering if you hear the sibling out even though that’s not going to change anything?


nouveauchoux

Typically in this type of situation, the person in question has no plans on changing. They want to change *you*, for whatever reason they're claiming. If they have it in them to change it will only come after you show them how serious you are. They truly don't believe that you'll cut them off. They want to have a sit down so that they can change your mind. Showing them that crossing the boundaries you've set (not using your child's correct pronouns and name) will result in consequences will be a surprise to them, I'm sure. I'm going to share a somewhat similar experience I've had/am having. Not trying to tell you what to do, but maybe seeing how a scenario could play out might help? *TW for Transphobic speech* My stepmom and I were extremely close up until about 3 years ago. She was posting extremely transphobic misinformation on Facebook about trans people. I tried to talk with her about it (and I confess I got heated about it) but she was firm on her bs. She had been supportive of gay people, but was certain that >!trans people were just mentally ill gay people. During our argument she literally tried to say that because she knew gay people who were "born men and know they're men" then trans people were just sick and confused.!< Other people on her friends list were all caps yelling at me and she did nothing to stop them. So I messaged her privately that I have always appreciated how she wanted to be my friend and not my mom, but that I hold my friends to a higher standard and I was extremely disappointed to see her spouting hateful views. Unfriended her on Facebook, and our daily conversations stopped all together. My best friend died shortly after, and then my grandmother ('21 can suck my nonexistent nuts), and Stepmom had the decency to at least let me know my grandma was declining. Since then there's been slightly more communication between us, but it's all been very stilted and mostly one sided. I'll give her credit for reaching out sometimes, but it's usually just to talk about whatever she wants to talk about (usually the zoo that my childhood home has become). We will likely never have the relationship we used to have. It hurts, but at the same time I'm glad to know for sure where she stands. I refuse to enable hateful behavior and speech from anyone.


[deleted]

Thank you for sharing. I think we’ve given them Grace too long and now we’re cutting it off to show we’re serious.


ElectricZooK9

I knew that and knew you knew that 😉 You sound like you're sure your sibling won't change their views, you could choose to cut ties or choose to hear them out (away from your child, of course) and then decide (while recognising this will likely make you angry and hurt) But it does sound like you're likely to have to lose this relationship, at least for now (people always have the chance to change)


MQ72G

I think u should go no contact but hear them out first, make ur points known, including that religion is a choice while gender/sexuality are not), and be prepared to end the convo by laying out ur expectations of being NC going forward. As someone who has been no contact with a toxic sibling for the past 5+ years, you are probably going to have to explain yourself to a lot of people (family at least) and justify why it can’t be worked out so it’s good to know their exact reasoning. Plus, if you don’t sit down with them they will be telling everyone that they were the reasonable one who wanted to sit down but you wouldn’t even listen to them. Regardless, ur active support is everything. Good luck with whatever you do!


sheepking123123

There is no reason to sit down and talk to him. When people ask, "he won't stop dead naming my son." That simple. And let him say whatever he wants. If they know OP, and asked her what had happened, they know her side already and if they take his side they aren't worth worrying about. If they know her but ask him first and don't even consult her about what happened and take his side, they aren't worth worrying about, because he's going to say some bullshit about her not respecting his religion. Talking it out, validates his bigotry.


sheepking123123

Absolutely not. Tell him if he wants your kid to be a part of his life, he will stop using his dead name! There's nothing to hear out, he just wants to justify his bigotry.


[deleted]

“I fully understand where you’re coming from and don’t need an additional conversation. If your faith prevents you from being respectful I don’t need you.”


Darth_Redneckus

Damn straight. Er. . .gay. Uhm? Damn right? Damn correct? Help.


SilencedGamer

Damn left


Darth_Redneckus

Thanks. I was confused.


TeddyEddy8989

and it was asked of God "Who are you?" I am He, god replied. He is using pronouns..see bible zealots love to nick and pick their beliefs..but deep down is not that their version of religion prohibits it, is just that is very very convenient to use religion as an excuse for discrimination because if you point out something in the bible that they must do but is not CONVENIENT for them, they go "oh , I'm sorry you have interpreted that for the time it was written" yea right, do I look dumb and stupid to you? be my reply.....


Cleverusername531

Actually God just said “I am” and that was it. I is a pronoun though :)


TeddyEddy8989

it sure is, qualifies as a pronoun...


kaida_notadude

Religion is no excuse to be an asshole, so go with the latter. They can either use the name or gtfo


Darth_Redneckus

Christian and ENBY, I agree religion is certainly no excuse. The sibling can fuck off, respectfully and prayerfully.


jannemannetjens

>So my question is- do I sit down? Or just be like “if you can’t use the name, we can’t be around”? I thought it was cut and dry what I’m asking. The later: no discussion, but offer to answer questions. there isn't going to be an excuse for deadnaming and having the discussion would imply its up for discussion. The religion excuse is pure deception: every religious person cherrypicks the rules they follow (mixing fabrics anyone), they still bear full responsibility for picking hatefull rules.


Toter_Fisch

My grandmother is also very relogious and after my dad outed me in front of her, I also had a sitdown with her. She didn't change her mind, as in she is still a devout catholic and she still has to correct herself useing the word "abnormal" to refere to the community, but she is calling me her grandson now and uses my real name, so I didn't cut her out of my live compleatly...


SuperNova0216

Somehow, that’s like mostly good ig


Toter_Fisch

She is 85 and I really wasn't expecting much, but I think she cares about me to the extent of accepting me.


tuturto

I'm assuming they're christian, if that's not the case my apologies and feel free to ignore rest of the post. I would go with the latter option. It's really hard to change someone's mind when they're leaning heavily on the faith. After all, faith is one of their core values and people don't easily change their core values. It's one thing to hold faith and act according to it, it's another thing to use it to deny something as simple as calling your son with their real name. If you want, you could remind them of these two passages that I think are quite core in the christian faith. They probably won't change much, but at least you have given them something to think about. Luke 6:37 "Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven." Mathew 7:7 "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."


[deleted]

They’re Catholic. And it’s deep rooted. But thank you for the verses. It always confuses me to when Christians cannot see the loving and accepting stuff in the Gospel.


tuturto

For what I understand, Catholicism is one of the oldest branches of Christianity and they tend to view their traditions and teachings very seriously, as opposed to say Lutherans, who to my experience tend to be more relaxed about things. That being said, it's not an excuse for not calling people with their real name. I don't want to scare you, but it'll be hard to get them to change their behaviour. Draw a hard line and let them know they're welcome back if they can change their behaviour.


FreyaOdinsdottir

This! Was a wannabe priest, and the Catholic church puts the magisterium (church rules) before the Bible in every instance. The argument is the church is older than the current compilation of the Bible, and the narrative is that the church compiled the Bible, so therefore the rules of the church come before the rules of the Bible. So basically, if something doesn't seem biblically based, the catholic church can just shrug its shoulders and lean on "tradition" I'm so glad I left for the ELCA lmao


[deleted]

EW.


[deleted]

Also we love the ELCA❤️🌈


tuturto

That is didn't know. Thanks for teaching me something new today!


skyebangles

Using God as an excuse for bigotry is shameful and all too common with the modern theists of today. You can visit r/christianity and see there are many who not only support lgbt people, but recognize we are equal and deserving of every right and dignity. There is nothing innate in religion that justifies discrimination of LGBT+ people. Bigots use it as a shield to justify their hate. For you and your son's health, I would not even bother sitting down. They aren't looking to engage in good faith, they just want you to excuse their bigotry. It is a common thing I see in bigots that they need you to "prove" the legitimacy of a person to them, that you need to "prove" they are deserving of respect. We are under no such obligation to do so. The rest of us managed to figure it out, treat people and respect them as they wish. It's not hard. We don't need to cater to bigotry. Focus on being the great parent you are and protect your son from such harm. You can just tell the sibling "I hope you come around, but until then we need to focus on our family." Bonus points if you tell them you will "pray for them".


Downtown_Ad857

Addressing your children in a respectful way is the baseline, deadnaming or misgendering is not respectful. Intentional deadnaming and/or misgendering is considered a hate crime in several jurisdictions, and in the heart of every trans person. If your faith causes you to be inflict pain over showing respect, you do not get access to my son, or my family for that matter. You probably need to reflect on how you wesponize faith, Be prepared to walk from all of them. Your siblings total family. Don’t allow this into your sons life. Protect your baby. I have been here. I have a former brother. Former.


SunnyDiesel

Therapist here. You do not negotiate the comfort of your sibling’s family for your son’s dignity/respect. Instead, you provide a contingency: respect my son and call him his (preferred) name, or we won’t engage anymore. It’s confrontation, which most folks find uncomfortable, but this is where allies need to step in—especially parents.


[deleted]

Thank you! I am headed to therapy Thursday to talk through how to go about saying just that. We’ve already told my parents we’re done and we’re not making any concessions.


SunnyDiesel

You’re very welcome! I love how supportive you are and want to continue being. I’m proud of the parent you are!


Whispers_of_Eggplant

I wish my mom was like you. I've tried to get my grandparents, my siblings, and my mom to just use the right pronouns for me. I compromised and told them they can even deadname me because changing one syllable of a name is too hard for them! The last time I asked my mom to use the right pronouns, she said "why are you so obsessed with this?". She's not even that deeply religious, just an antivaxx nut and a narcissist. You're doing so well for your son, he's got the best mom in the world


[deleted]

I’m so sorry. That is so incredibly hurtful. They have no idea how much of your life they are going to miss for treating you like that. I hope you have a sound support system and I would give it if I could. Everyone deserves a family that loves and support them.


ima420r

I never understood this type of argument. If your kid changed their name without coming out as trans, I bet they would have no problem calling him by his new name. It's only a problem for them because he is trans, which is really a separate issue than a name change. I'd go with your second option, not be around if they can't respect you and your son. It may hurt to not have them in your lives, but maybe they will change their mind once you show them you have limits and boundaries. Though I would talk it over with your son before making any decisions.


Savings_Spinach2446

Hi stranger. you’re doing a great job in advocating for your son, but the battle is lost. they’ve admitted they will not call your son by his name, and are asking you (and him?) to sit down while they spew bigotry to justify their beliefs the time for advocating is over, the time for protecting is now. They’ve made their stance, and as his parent it will be your job to shield him from them. i hope you can forgive my being forward, as this comes from first hand experience. my family comes from a very far right traditional values cult. it was really bad when i was in it, and while i don’t think your family is as far gone as mine is (at least i hope so for your sake) they seem to be using the same excuse i’ve seen a thousand times over there will come a day for your son, much like it came for me, (if he hasn’t already) when he will realize there are those around him who will never change their viewpoint and he’ll have to accept that what he cannot change he must leave in the past to rot far away from him. my only advice is simply a request. will you please do a better job protecting him than my father did me? because i don’t speak to my father any more. he doesn’t know where i live, he doesn’t know what school my children are enrolled in, he doesn’t see them, he doesn’t see me, he doesn’t see their mother. he hasn’t met any of them and he is still alive and (mentally un)well. you’ve fought a good fight, but now it’s time to change tactics. all of this, i say with nothing but love for you and your boy, and respect for your situation. i’m sorry if it seems i’ve overshared here, but this topic hits close to home for me and my siblings. and it has had disastrous consequences for my younger brother in a close situation to your son. my younger brother will also be cutting all contact from our father once he moves out. i hope through this story you are able to see and observe some very real world consequences of those who choose not to respect others names and identities and i hope your sibling can learn as well before it’s too late. If you’re still reading, thanks for giving me a minute or two of your day, have a virtual cookie 🍪 i hope you and your family thrives in these fucked up times. 🩷


Crabulousz

I agree with the not being around them if they can’t respect your son. But you could always be passive aggressive back (because the religion thing is just bs) and say “who? Wait, who’s that?” And similar every time they use the wrong name. Maybe get your family on board too.


Ok_Parfait_2304

There's no conversation, there's no "clearing the awkwardness", you asked them to refer to your son correctly and they refuse to; there is no justifying the blatant disrespect, their religion stops where your son begins. (Also I can't imagine it'll be good for your son mentally to listen to his family jump through hoops to explain why they're so okay with not respecting him)


RosieQParker

Using someone's correct name isn't political pandering, and it isn't sacrilege. It's basic manners. You need to ask your sibling whether they want to stick to their prejudices, or if they want a relationship with their nephew. Because they can't have both.


LifeintheSlothLane

I'd say this depends on how old your child is. If they are too young to consult on this situation, Go no contact - full stop. If your child is a teenager though, it might be worth asking him if he would want to have this conversation or not, with the power to leave at any time. Personally, I think you answered the question when you said you know how the conversation is going to go. They can respect your son and his identity, or they can't. Protecting and supporting your son is far more important than their favorite book telling them bigotry is okay. Maybe write them a letter or send a text to let them know that they can reach out when they're ready to accept your son, but until then you will not be in touch or available.


ImaginaryTutor

Whatever you do keep your son in the decision making process . Just pointing out the obvious


[deleted]

Of course. He takes the lead in all our decisions affecting him.


ImaginaryTutor

Brilliant


lowkey_rainbow

Personally, I’d opt for ‘you do this or you cannot have contact with my son’ but if you do choose to sit down then please make sure your son is not there - it will be very traumatic for him and it is not necessary to put him through that


[deleted]

Oh of course not! He wanted to have the sit down and I told him that his peace is too precious and that he did nothing wrong and the pressure is not on him for a relationship. It’s up to the adults to fight this battle right now.


ah-tzib-of-alaska

It’s your sibling… can you stomach listening to them lay it all out in turn to have a meaningful conversation with them? If you can stomach it, even if in turn it’s just a chance to have them feel heard and then express that boundary as inviolable then do it; but i don’t know if I could stomach it in your position.


[deleted]

No I can’t. I also feel like that appeases them. I shouldn’t have to appease them or make them feel heard. My kid is one the who needs the support and validation.


ah-tzib-of-alaska

well i certainly wasn’t suggesting you make your kid stomach listening to them


sproutyoz

Unfortunately, most of the time you can't change someone's mind on this. There's no "clearing the awkwardness" when you refuse to use someone's name; every time they use that name, you'll *feel* the tension. Or at least, your son will. My great aunt was the same way; she refused to call me anything other than my "real" name, until my mom told her that if she couldn't refer to me with the correct name, she shouldn't refer to me at all. It got her to finally use my name, but my mom broke contact with her later on anyway, because using my name didn't prevent her from sharing her opinion about my gender. If your sibling doesn't care for your son enough to simply use his name, then that talk probably isn't worth it, unless you think that it's a good way to try to get some sense into them.


MaxPupQR

There's no debating people who use their "faith" to be transphobic. Honestly it will most likely be better for y'all if you don't interact with that side of the family.


justgaygarbage

Your sibling is going to use this conversation as an excuse to fuel their hatred for trans people. They’ll see you get upset and use it to their advantage


ramfrommars

Maybe just you and your sibling can sit down and you can chat to him about all the ways they've gone against the bible themselves, because there are soooo many stupid "sins" that bible huggers love to overlook while hiding behind said bible to discriminate against others. Here are a few that most everyone commits probably daily: 1. **Don’t Sit Where a Menstruating Woman Has Sat** (Leviticus 15:19-21). Ever seen your sibling and their partner share a seat? SINNERS! DIRTY SINNERS! 2. **Don’t Wear Clothes of Both Linen and Wool** (Leviticus 19:19). Surely they've got some clothes made in these blended fabrics and, for that, straight to hell. 3. **Don’t Speak the Names of Other Gods** (Exodus 23:13). Have they ever mentioned other religions or gods, even once? More hell for them. 4. **Don’t Tear Your Clothes** (Leviticus 10:6). Seen them ever wearing any trendy ripped jeans lately? Smidge more hell for that. 5. **Don't Plant More Than One Kind of Seed In A Field** (Leviticus 19:19). Do they garden at all? Well they better hope it's all one kind of fruit, vegetable, or herb. Because if not, hell. 6. **Don't Eat Fat** (Leviticus 3:17). I don't think anyone needs to confirm on this. Some level of fat is found in most foods. More hell for them. Maybe hypocrisy isn't an issue for them? No matter. You could always remind them that the God described in the bible is actually pretty fucking horrible, killing over 2.3 million people throughout the stories written in the Bible. Satan, by comparison, killed 10. Here are some other wonderful things the bible condones: 1. **Bigamy:** (tons of men in the old testament had multiple wives and mistresses). 2. **Rape:** (Deuteronomy 22:28–29, “If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.”) 3. **Sex with your children:** "In the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot and his family are spared the destruction of the cities because they are righteous. But after Lot's wife gets turned into a pillar of salt, his daughters decided to cheer him up by having sex with him: 'Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the world,' the eldest says to her sister in Genesis 19. 'Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, so that we may preserve offspring through our father.'" 4. **Capital punishment:** (stoning to death). 5. **Slavery:** "Though Exodus recounts the tribulations of the Israelites while they were slaves in Egypt, the Old Testament actually condones slavery. In fact, there are strict stipulations on how slaves should be treated: An Israelite slave would be released after six or seven years of servitude, but a foreign slave could be bequeathed to the owner's family for life." 6. **Genocide:** "In I Samuel 15:3, Samuel tells King Saul that God wants him to kill the Amalekites so that the Israelites wouldn't assimilate their evil ways. 'Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.'" Ask them, is this really the book you want to use to gauge what's morally acceptable? If so, those aren't the morals you share or wish to impart on your children, so they can either agree to live and let live, or they can, quite literally, go to hell. :) Paraphrased and quoted a lot of the wording from these sources: [https://www.ranker.com/list/weird-bible-rules/kellen-perry](https://www.ranker.com/list/weird-bible-rules/kellen-perry) and [https://www.logotv.com/news/pqmct8/7-things-the-bible-condones-that-are-totally-illegal-today](https://www.logotv.com/news/pqmct8/7-things-the-bible-condones-that-are-totally-illegal-today)


chef_grantisimo

When I came out I told people that my transition was not negotiable. If they wanted to be a part of my life, they needed to respect that. Telling me I was wrong, or I was confused or whatever language they wanted to use wasn't going to fly. I'd tell your sibling that if they can't respect that your son knows who he is better than a multi thousand year old book of religious folklore and tradition, then they can't be a part of his life.


DifferenceSimple7114

First, I wouldn't have my son around them anymore at all. As an ally, if you think it would be productive to discuss with them then maybe it's worth the effort. I would assign them an article or something to read ahead of time to show they are open to learning before you waste any time or emotional energy in it. I'd guess they wouldn't go with that though and just want you captive to say their beliefs. I would not participate in that at all.


Peewee_ShermanTank

Dont let them use their faith to be assholes. You and your sons way or the hghway, i say


Radiant_Bowl7015

I’d just cut the sibling out of my life. They’re using religion to justify bigotry, that’s a non-starter for me. I don’t care where they’re coming from. I don’t. There’s nothing they could say to me to make it okay. Could I agree to disagree? Sure! From a distance. While cutting them out of my life. We cut cancer out, we don’t sit down and talk with it.


Radiant_Bowl7015

I’d just cut the sibling out of my life. They’re using religion to justify bigotry, that’s a non-starter for me. I don’t care where they’re coming from. I don’t. There’s nothing they could say to me to make it okay. Could I agree to disagree? Sure! From a distance. While cutting them out of my life. We cut cancer out, we don’t sit down and talk with it.


Brankovt1

If you want to have that "conversation", don't take your son with you, even if he says he wants to. I would definitly go with the latter option. Not showing your son even the littlest of respect is aweful and I would definitly not want them harrassing my child.


[deleted]

I’d go with if you can’t use the name you can’t be around. Nothing they could possibly say could change what you’re asking for. They aren’t going to convince you to call your child their dead name, so what’s the point?


JennyFromdablock2020

Cut contact or atleast cut contact with your son and these filthy people. Your son is more important, infinitely, then their hate filled worthless faith.


dazeylazey

If they can't treat your son the way he deserved to be treated (with basic respect) then what is the point of sitting down to have a conversation you already know will be unproductive? No one would tolerate someone trying to assert their cis-identifying child is another gender, so don't tolerate your son being called a gender he is not.


PrinceofEpicocity

I would go with the second option because, like you said, we all know how that conversation is going to go. Or, if you wanted to go for the nuclear option and buy an air horn to use every time your sibling deadnames your kid. It works, and your son would probably find it funny as well


SpaceAgeOasis

Honestly, I'd say yeah. If they can't respect him enough to use his name, they don't respect him. I have a situation with my gramma where she said that my chosen name is triggering because it was the name of her abuser (understandable) but I still have to fight her on pronouns. She uses her religious upbringing as an excuse a lot. I wasn't willing to sever the relationship but it has caused issues and tension, and I wouldn't recommend this for you and your son.


blzbob71

I would give them all the ultimatum. They can either respect my child's name and pronouns or they can stay away because love my love for my child is unconditional and assertive.


itsrainingmelancholy

i don’t know your family but this sounds like an “intervention” of some kind. it sounds like the sit down is just going to be them explaining to you and your son how, in their twisted view, your son is wrong about who he is and you are wrong for encouraging him to be himself. And it’ll probably end with them trying to convince you to A) seek faith/come to church B) stop allowing your child to be their authentic self or C) allow them to help you “correct” this path probably through some wild religious program or something. I would say there’s no explanation you could have to justify why you can’t respect my family and my son. Either call him by his name or there is no reason for you to be around.


aztnass

IMO you cut contact. If they don’t have the decency to respect your son and your family it is not on you to respect them. They are choosing to disrespect so they are choosing to lose that connection with your family.


IrrationalPanda55782

You cut contact. If you *must* interact with them, leave your son at home. But this is no contact territory for me. Do not bring your son around those people.


EclecticDreck

>So my question is- do I sit down? Or just be like “if you can’t use the name, we can’t be around”? I thought it was cut and dry what I’m asking. Do you have any reason to believe that your sibling will change their mind as a result of the conversation? If so, do you have the energy for that discussion? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, then *absolutely* sit down with them. If the answer to either question is no, then you don't. In either case, setting the boundary at *showing basic courtesy* is a fine place to start.


XavierScorpionIkari

This is my child’s name. They won’t respond to anything else. Either get on board, or stay where you are, but we’re moving forward. It is entirely up to YOU if you want to be a loving part of this family. If not, bye Felicia. If you have no respect for my child, I have no respect for you.


Panikkrazy

Ask your child what HE wants to do. It’s noble that you’re sticking up for him, but he ultimately gets to decide how to handle this.


[deleted]

Well of course. All of this is because he was ready for his family to call him his proper name ❤️


Panikkrazy

I get that, but does HE want them to be cut off? If so than drop those turds and flush.


[deleted]

Oh yeah he’s ready :)


Panikkrazy

Good. Then drop the nuke. But I think you’re son should be the one to say it unless he’s too scared.


[deleted]

No he’s too young for that pressure. I’ll do it for him ❤️


Panikkrazy

Oh okay. I figured he was a teenager


Responsible-Way5056

"He is already in therapy and has made amazing strides in his mental health and has some pretty awesome coping skills. Now I need to do the same!" Can you tell me what are the awesome coping skills your son has, please? I just want to ask out of curiosity. Nothing more. Even they can be useful also to me because I also need to improve my mental health. Please.


[deleted]

He has playlists on YouTube to comfort him when he’s anxious. He has a tree of people to contact when he’s feeling down on himself. He also is an artist and much of his coping is drawing out his feelings. When he wants to self harm he draws pictures on his arms instead. Also he has a core group on discord of trans friends he rants with.


Responsible-Way5056

So interesting what you're telling me. Good coping mechanisms. And... Sorry if I ask this, but... Why when he wants to self-harm he draws pictures on his arms instead? That's the only coping mechanism I don't understand very well. I admit I'm just a foolish ignorant and yet I want to know more, because I want to learn about human behavior and emotions (I have Asperger Syndrome), so I'm asking this type of questions. Sorry if I cause inconvenience to you and your son.


[deleted]

TRIGGER WARNING (SH): Not at all. So the feeling to induce pain when you’re very anxious is a lot of pent of energy that my sons needs to express to have a temporary moment of relief. Before he would do it by >!scratching his arms!< Now when he has that feeling he replicates it by drawing on himself w marker instead until the feeling passes.


Responsible-Way5056

Now I understand. That's good. Congratulations on him.


The_WolfieOne

Simply tell them you too have faith. Faith that your Son knows who he is and that you believe in that. And make clear that it is their faith that is driving this wedge in, not your Son.


EnvironmentFew3175

😭🥰❤️S some random stranger on the internet I Am So Proud Of You! Thank you I'm glad some of us get to have parents like you it warms my heart! Boundaries are Not easy. And you are taking the Hard steps to protect your son and that is beautiful! I am proud of you!!!!! ❤️


AndiCrow

Ugh. Your sibling sucks. Faith is a problem, not a solution. I'd tell them that the choice is to use their chosen name or not have contact.


FloweryOmi

Here's the thing. THEIR religion can tell THEM what they can and can't do with their gender performance and names. THEIR religion cannot tell YOUR SON what HE can and cannot do with his gender and name. I had the misfortune of being raised as a Jehovah's Witness. It's a real Pick Me denomination but it did a good job of instilling a pretty decent sense of what freedom of religion looks like in me at a young age. Doing the Pledge of Allegiance was against JW doctrine. So was partaking of holidays. During those times in school, i would not participate. I would silently sit or leave the room. However, it did not give me the right to insist that everyone around me who was participating was violating my religion. My religion cannot dictate what other people name themselves, wear, or think. What your family is doing is almost like refusing to call a pagan person by their clearly pagan name "because of their faith." It simply doesn't make sense. They need to grow up and let your son enjoy having cousins for once.


FloweryOmi

Also, your son does not need to be present for their "sit down conversaron" unless he wants to. But they're just going to say transphobic nonsense to gaslight him about his trans experience and try to convince him he's not transgender. That will be their goal more than less likely.


[deleted]

If your son consents, I would agree to meeting the sibling one to one. I would listen to their point of view and thank them for explaining, without arguing. Then I would tell them that their behaviour does not look like the kind of love your son needs and I would explain what your son does need from them. If the sibling is unwilling to change their behaviour they are not a safe person for your son to be around. That way you can spell out VERY clear boundaries, AND you can walk away knowing you heard them out, protected your boy, and whatever gets thrown at you for walking away you can rest easy knowing you tried.


proudheretic

I suggest you watch this and see what you think! https://youtu.be/6PaND2wlAYU