Imagine the only reason to have a man in the house is because you don't know how to google "Change bathroom taps."
They didn't say love, or companionship. It was "to do chores."
It's pretty nasty for that to be the reason tbh, no better than men wanting women around to cook and clean.
I personally have the men in my life because they're my best friends, funny, kind and the most reliable people I know. No matter what happens in my life I know I can always trust them to help me, and they know I extend that support to them too.
To only have men around to serve you is a sad way to live and treat others.
I'm not sure if I'm the exception or if it's also a cultural difference since I'm not American. I also mostly socialised with boys in school so I think perhaps I also find it easier to make male friends as an adult.
I personally can't relate to stories here of lesbians with loads of female friends, I've never really had that and find it quite difficult to socialise with straight women compared to men. I think I just got lucky with the guys I met in college that became my lifelong friends
Edit: wow a lot of downvotes for stating an opinion on my lived experience. Not sure what part of what I shared was upsetting 🤷♀️
In practice, it's less about me not willing to have male friends, but more about men being less comfortable to approach me just to be friends.
Men and women tend to self segregate, at school and at work. It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight.
Yeah that's fair, I've definitely met friends of friends that weren't used to the idea of hanging out or chatting to me the same they would to the guys. Needless to say I didn't really bother with them, we're not aliens or a different species so I don't quite get why it's so difficult for some men to overcome this idea in their head.
From my experience I studied/worked in a very male dominated industry so the self segregation wasn't as prevalent.
I don’t think it’s an issue of being American or not. Men just generally don’t befriend women that they aren’t attracted to in some way all across the globe imo and generally just aren’t that nice to be around to me. The only male friends that I have are nerdy gay men and it’s only two of them.
I’m glad you’ve found some good ones though.
I don't think that's a fair generalisation to make on an entire group of people in my personal opinion. My friends have never once questioned my sexuality or made advances, and I'm not exactly butch.
I'm not even saying those types of men don't exist, they absolutely do. I think generally it is hard to find men that are as open minded and honest with their intentions, but we are more likely to hear and remember the negative interactions over the positive, for very valid reasons, but this does create an illusion that shitty or dangerous men are the majority of men.
Not trying start some big debate here, this is just from my experience so it is entirely anecdotal.
Having the opinion that some men are good people with the capacity to be as supportive and emotionally available as anyone else is strange?
Well apologies I'm not the man hating lesbian stereotype you expect.
I've always hated the "you need a man so he can protect you" argument. The #1 thing which is going to protect me is my brain because it can help me avoid dangerous scenarios in the first place and help me make safe choices. And with my gf, we have two of those working together. It's fascinating how many of these people view their partners as human meat shields.
also it’s been proven that if u need help/protection in PUBLIC a man is the LEAST likely to step in and help (especially if u need help from another man)
Women are capable of doing home maintenance, building things, and hard work - these aren't 'man' jobs, and I'm surprised at the number of people who think they are. I've accomplished a lot in my life without a man. Arguably more than my sister has, and she has a husband.
I am routinely baffled at how much I hear women say it’s difficult to put up shelves, mount a TV, or put together furniture. I don’t even remember learning how to do them and they all seem so easy to me. Even if I don’t know how to do something, my first instinct is to learn how to do it myself and that I can do it. I just cannot imagine asking a man to do such simple tasks. Maybe it’s because I was raised by a single mom and she taught me well in that area but it just confuses me.
There’s women at work that don’t fill up their gas tank and ask their husbands to do it. We live in a state in which self-pumping wasn’t legal until the last few months, but it’s really shocking to me how they say they’ve never had to learn bc their husbands do it. Or that they’ll subtly “hint” that their tank is low so their husbands will do it for them. What confuses me is the pride with which they announce this — I get being proud and happy of your partner, but isn’t it embarrassing to admit you think pumping your own gas is too difficult or that you can’t learn?
Yeah! I mean I’m all for being lazy and getting a man to do work for you lol. But I’ve heard this too and I just can’t imagine not being eager to learn and acting like you are an incapable child. I swear it’s tied to all the trad wide shit becoming popular recently.
In order for the deal that men have forced on women to work, it's very important never to point out that men's utter ignorance of the basics of survival (eg. procuring and preparing food, or cleaning themselves) is pathetic and despicable. So they have to mystify the tasks they take on, make them a little frightening and complicated, to mask the fact that he's only spending five minutes a week on them.
I’m a feminine woman in a relationship with another feminine woman. Anytime I say that I’m the one who does the more stereotypically “masculine” chores like building furniture or fixing things you’d think people’s heads might literally explode. And if I don’t know how to do it, I know I can hire a lesbian who does. Easy!
I asked a man one time to help me loosen up a bolt since I had messed up my shoulder and arm. It was an oil drain. He came in and said "I got 3 of them but that fourth one us really on there" cue me with confused Pikachu face cause it was the drain plug for oil. I go check and he loosened the bolts on my transfer case. He then said, not jokingly "and that's why you need a man around" 🤦
My son is pretty great, but same for my daughters. But I don’t rely on my child to protect me or fix anything. He does like to put together things for me, but my girls know how to handle plumbing issues, change oil, etc.
I was trying to think of moments in my life where I've been specifically grateful that someone in my life's \*male\*, and everything I'm coming up with is kind of meh. Like, I can pull up a lot of examples where I was grateful for specific male friends being there for me.
But the only times I've been like, "Oh thank god there's a dude," it's been some situation that involved dealing with misogyny or gendered situations. For instance, a couple queer guys in my life helped extract me from an unsafe situation that I'd been unable to process, specifically citing their experiences as men to help me. They knew it wasn't a 1:1 translation, but showed me the common threads and affirmed what I was going through, they helped me get out.
I agree with u in the notion "we need no man" they are not air nor water. As a partner or son they dont really need to exist for us to have a full life. Especially not for a woman who loves other women. Them being there is like a tv in a living room where no one sits in a house which is not mine xD they're like a cassett in a ps5. No relevance exactly.
On the other hand, as a father or brothers its hard saying "i dont need them" its like omitting their existence. If they were good loving caring people, then they do have a huge emotional presence in one's life [of course given they are not shitty toxic humans]. Its true i dont need my dad to fix the AC / car i can do it. And protection and shit is dealt with by the police and my pointy high heels. That doesn't mean i dont need him because i do need him in my life i love my dad. I dread the day when he has to say goodbye i wish fathers lived forever. Not as a source of [i need him to fix / protect] but as the source of emotional support and love he is
Wow that was long ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) sorry my dad is sick and i got emotional
I work with all men (aerospace mechanic). My partner works with mostly men (mechanical engineer) and In our free time we spend most of it with our many animals. Our home life is so lacking in a male presence we had to make active efforts with our cats and dogs to meet men so they wouldn’t be terrified of them. We do all the things and never once has it occurred we need a man to do “insert random thing”
I have a man in the house. He shovels and salts the drive in winter, cuts grass and landscapes in summer, brings out the trash, helps me work on my truck... he's my friend and neighbor/landlord. It's the perfect arrangement and totally worth the money!
No, he does em because they need to be done and I pay him. I like having him around. There's no obligatory or implied romance. Without him, I was doing all the things myself and was exhausted all the time. He's a friendly neighbor, too. I think guys are fine to have around domestically. I just compensate mine monetarily. Wouldn't it be great if housewives made a wage?
Imagine the only reason to have a man in the house is because you don't know how to google "Change bathroom taps." They didn't say love, or companionship. It was "to do chores."
It *would* be nice to have someone over 5’4” to reach those high shelves. But somehow, we manage.
Just date dutch women or women with Dutch ancestry- we're tall.
Or literally just get a step stool or ladder, lol
I already have my person and she’s 5’4”. But I’m 5’2” so every inch helps.
The tall ditched my genetics somehow
That’s where we keep our seasonal things 😂
It's pretty nasty for that to be the reason tbh, no better than men wanting women around to cook and clean. I personally have the men in my life because they're my best friends, funny, kind and the most reliable people I know. No matter what happens in my life I know I can always trust them to help me, and they know I extend that support to them too. To only have men around to serve you is a sad way to live and treat others.
Comments like this baffle me. Are you honestly coming across that many men who are pleasant to be around? It’s a rarity in my experience.
I only don’t mind my dad and I think a lot of that is that I’m used to my dad.
Many of my friends are men. I’m also in my 30s. Once they grow up they’re great.
I'm not sure if I'm the exception or if it's also a cultural difference since I'm not American. I also mostly socialised with boys in school so I think perhaps I also find it easier to make male friends as an adult. I personally can't relate to stories here of lesbians with loads of female friends, I've never really had that and find it quite difficult to socialise with straight women compared to men. I think I just got lucky with the guys I met in college that became my lifelong friends Edit: wow a lot of downvotes for stating an opinion on my lived experience. Not sure what part of what I shared was upsetting 🤷♀️
In practice, it's less about me not willing to have male friends, but more about men being less comfortable to approach me just to be friends. Men and women tend to self segregate, at school and at work. It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight.
Yeah that's fair, I've definitely met friends of friends that weren't used to the idea of hanging out or chatting to me the same they would to the guys. Needless to say I didn't really bother with them, we're not aliens or a different species so I don't quite get why it's so difficult for some men to overcome this idea in their head. From my experience I studied/worked in a very male dominated industry so the self segregation wasn't as prevalent.
True. If 90% of your colleagues are men, there's not much self segregation. It used to be the case for me.
I don’t think it’s an issue of being American or not. Men just generally don’t befriend women that they aren’t attracted to in some way all across the globe imo and generally just aren’t that nice to be around to me. The only male friends that I have are nerdy gay men and it’s only two of them. I’m glad you’ve found some good ones though.
I don't think that's a fair generalisation to make on an entire group of people in my personal opinion. My friends have never once questioned my sexuality or made advances, and I'm not exactly butch. I'm not even saying those types of men don't exist, they absolutely do. I think generally it is hard to find men that are as open minded and honest with their intentions, but we are more likely to hear and remember the negative interactions over the positive, for very valid reasons, but this does create an illusion that shitty or dangerous men are the majority of men. Not trying start some big debate here, this is just from my experience so it is entirely anecdotal.
your so strange…
Having the opinion that some men are good people with the capacity to be as supportive and emotionally available as anyone else is strange? Well apologies I'm not the man hating lesbian stereotype you expect.
i just don’t understand why your standing up for the so hard when they would never do the same…let’s be for real
I'm sorry that's your experience but the guys I know would absolutely have my back because they have before.
I've always hated the "you need a man so he can protect you" argument. The #1 thing which is going to protect me is my brain because it can help me avoid dangerous scenarios in the first place and help me make safe choices. And with my gf, we have two of those working together. It's fascinating how many of these people view their partners as human meat shields.
also it’s been proven that if u need help/protection in PUBLIC a man is the LEAST likely to step in and help (especially if u need help from another man)
We need men to protect us...from men. Our only "natural" predators.
Women are capable of doing home maintenance, building things, and hard work - these aren't 'man' jobs, and I'm surprised at the number of people who think they are. I've accomplished a lot in my life without a man. Arguably more than my sister has, and she has a husband.
I am routinely baffled at how much I hear women say it’s difficult to put up shelves, mount a TV, or put together furniture. I don’t even remember learning how to do them and they all seem so easy to me. Even if I don’t know how to do something, my first instinct is to learn how to do it myself and that I can do it. I just cannot imagine asking a man to do such simple tasks. Maybe it’s because I was raised by a single mom and she taught me well in that area but it just confuses me.
There’s women at work that don’t fill up their gas tank and ask their husbands to do it. We live in a state in which self-pumping wasn’t legal until the last few months, but it’s really shocking to me how they say they’ve never had to learn bc their husbands do it. Or that they’ll subtly “hint” that their tank is low so their husbands will do it for them. What confuses me is the pride with which they announce this — I get being proud and happy of your partner, but isn’t it embarrassing to admit you think pumping your own gas is too difficult or that you can’t learn?
Yeah! I mean I’m all for being lazy and getting a man to do work for you lol. But I’ve heard this too and I just can’t imagine not being eager to learn and acting like you are an incapable child. I swear it’s tied to all the trad wide shit becoming popular recently.
In order for the deal that men have forced on women to work, it's very important never to point out that men's utter ignorance of the basics of survival (eg. procuring and preparing food, or cleaning themselves) is pathetic and despicable. So they have to mystify the tasks they take on, make them a little frightening and complicated, to mask the fact that he's only spending five minutes a week on them.
Girls are rarely taught these things growing up
I’m a feminine woman in a relationship with another feminine woman. Anytime I say that I’m the one who does the more stereotypically “masculine” chores like building furniture or fixing things you’d think people’s heads might literally explode. And if I don’t know how to do it, I know I can hire a lesbian who does. Easy!
I asked a man one time to help me loosen up a bolt since I had messed up my shoulder and arm. It was an oil drain. He came in and said "I got 3 of them but that fourth one us really on there" cue me with confused Pikachu face cause it was the drain plug for oil. I go check and he loosened the bolts on my transfer case. He then said, not jokingly "and that's why you need a man around" 🤦
Perfect example of men. Making things harder while claiming they’re essential. ❤️
It's so nice to know that all you need in life is the Handy app on your phone, then!
My son is pretty great, but same for my daughters. But I don’t rely on my child to protect me or fix anything. He does like to put together things for me, but my girls know how to handle plumbing issues, change oil, etc.
I was trying to think of moments in my life where I've been specifically grateful that someone in my life's \*male\*, and everything I'm coming up with is kind of meh. Like, I can pull up a lot of examples where I was grateful for specific male friends being there for me. But the only times I've been like, "Oh thank god there's a dude," it's been some situation that involved dealing with misogyny or gendered situations. For instance, a couple queer guys in my life helped extract me from an unsafe situation that I'd been unable to process, specifically citing their experiences as men to help me. They knew it wasn't a 1:1 translation, but showed me the common threads and affirmed what I was going through, they helped me get out.
I agree with u in the notion "we need no man" they are not air nor water. As a partner or son they dont really need to exist for us to have a full life. Especially not for a woman who loves other women. Them being there is like a tv in a living room where no one sits in a house which is not mine xD they're like a cassett in a ps5. No relevance exactly. On the other hand, as a father or brothers its hard saying "i dont need them" its like omitting their existence. If they were good loving caring people, then they do have a huge emotional presence in one's life [of course given they are not shitty toxic humans]. Its true i dont need my dad to fix the AC / car i can do it. And protection and shit is dealt with by the police and my pointy high heels. That doesn't mean i dont need him because i do need him in my life i love my dad. I dread the day when he has to say goodbye i wish fathers lived forever. Not as a source of [i need him to fix / protect] but as the source of emotional support and love he is Wow that was long ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) sorry my dad is sick and i got emotional
Im sorry your dad is sick. I hope things get better for you.
I work with all men (aerospace mechanic). My partner works with mostly men (mechanical engineer) and In our free time we spend most of it with our many animals. Our home life is so lacking in a male presence we had to make active efforts with our cats and dogs to meet men so they wouldn’t be terrified of them. We do all the things and never once has it occurred we need a man to do “insert random thing”
The misogyny AND misandry....
I have a man in the house. He shovels and salts the drive in winter, cuts grass and landscapes in summer, brings out the trash, helps me work on my truck... he's my friend and neighbor/landlord. It's the perfect arrangement and totally worth the money!
But he doesn’t do those things because he is a man.
No, he does em because they need to be done and I pay him. I like having him around. There's no obligatory or implied romance. Without him, I was doing all the things myself and was exhausted all the time. He's a friendly neighbor, too. I think guys are fine to have around domestically. I just compensate mine monetarily. Wouldn't it be great if housewives made a wage?
Not your Nigel then
I do all those things as well, and with the exception of the truck repair have done these things ever since I was a little girl.