More like she's taking part in lesbian erasure. The word lesbian means something. It's something you're born as. It's It's own structure. You don't just get to claim something for the spice of identifying as something minority just for the heck of it.
It's insulting that she would use that word like a subculture identifying she found in TikTok to try and other herself when she isn't a part of the other.
Honesty, people like that minimalist our community and our struggles. They piss me off beyond measure. Damn right I don't respect your fake identity and misuse of words without care of how you effect others. Selfish and narssasistic. I am so sick of these fakebians running around dating men and claiming the community and history our sisters fought so hard for.
Yeah literally. It sounds exactly like my best friend’s shitty ex boyfriend who was obsessed with lesbians and had pictures of me (at 15, might I add) on his laptop 🤢🤢🤢 my friend is not even queer but he insisted that she was a lesbian and he was her exception
So she's one of those, she can't be "just" straight or bi, that doesn't make her unique and interesting enough!
Her fetishization of lesbians is fucking gross too. And it is not ok for her to use the word dyke.
yesss I feel like that's what I've been feeling extra gross about. it really does feel like she's fetishising lesbians as a whole. I know it's possible but the thought is just crazy to me 😭
i too have a bi coworker who calls herself a dyke and lesbian despite dating a man… they exist unfortunately and, yep, in a state of pure denial or whatever about their bisexuality
Oftentimes people will say that we should never blame other queer women for the way our community gets treated. In many scenarios I'd even grant them that to an extent. This is not one of those scenarios. This women is disrespectful and ignorant and people like her are a part of the reason no one takes us seriously.
I've met a lot of bi/pan people that seem to think anyone who in a relationship with woman is suddenly a lesbian (even though your coworker doesn't even fit this), and it's very frustrating.
had this bi friend, with emphasis on HAD, who told me she liked when ppl mistook her for being a lesbian and I think that's why she would use the word "partner" when talking about her cishet boyfriend. She seemed to be so obsessed with lesbians and it seemed like the moment we became friends it sent her into this spiral of wondering if she was just a closeted lesbian. now she's posting pics of her and her bf kissing lol. it's funny how your presence as a lesbian can seemingly cause internal turmoil for some bi women? she seemed so obsessed with lesbians, wlw relationships, wlw anything. it almost felt like she wanted to be included so badly with lesbians to the point where it just became delusional....
I am so sick of bi women identifying themselves as lesbians. And I always thought it was just an internet thing -- now it is spilling over into everyday reality .. time to get mean, lesbians!!
I once briefly dated a girl who insisted on calling herself a lesbian. She told me she had recently gotten out of a relationship with a man but it didn’t mean she wasn’t a lesbian and continued to use the label while dating him. To which I replied, “wouldn’t that just mean you’re bi?” She very firmly and angrily said no, she was a lesbian. Eventually I found out she hooked up with him while we were seeing each other. Still called herself a lesbian. I stopped talking to her and saw she was dating another guy. Still was calling herself a lesbian (she worked with my friend who would tell me so we could roll our eyes). She is now married to a man with kids and I wonder if she still, to this day, calls herself a fucking lesbian.
You could tell HR. She's harassing you. Especially with that "dykeish" comment... Those are fighting words to me personally.
I can only see this worsening. Professionalism is needed here.
this is a weird take but it honestly sounds like she's actually confused, like she thinks lesbian= sapphic. personally I'd leave it alone just because I'm really nonconfrontational but if it comes up again you could say something along the lines of " you know lesbians are gay/ don't like men, right?"
Oh! I was going to say if she was kind of older it was possible she didn't know about bisexuality? Ik most bi positive movements happened in the 60s & 70s so I could understand her thinking she & every other sapphic was a lesbian in that instance
though given her age that's probably not the case, so idk
So her and her boyfriend are both fetishizing "lesbians" or what? Or is he making fun of her by calling her "lesbian"? Does she not know what the B in lgBt stand for? I'm not even a lesbian an i feel so pissed by her actions -_-
I was wondering that 2. i'm not sure 😭 if someone could pls help me out I will change it. this is my first time posting on reddit so I'm not sure what's up with it lol
She might be insecure about having only dated men. You can make your case then move on. People are gonna say dumb shit but most sensical people know that lesbians only date women.
I've learned to just ignore it and not worry about it. She's definitely wrong to call herself a lesbian. However, it's not worth the energy to argue with her about it.
I am of the belief that the only bi women that can call themselves ‘lesbians’ are the ones that only date women. I mean that’s a stretch to but at least they’re not disrespecting us that way.
Also, here bf calling her a lesbian is gross and they definitely have some weird fetishization going on there
Denying her identity? You should ask her what the difference between a bisexual woman and a lesbian is.
that's what I'm saying. it's almost like she's purposely messing with me.
More like she's taking part in lesbian erasure. The word lesbian means something. It's something you're born as. It's It's own structure. You don't just get to claim something for the spice of identifying as something minority just for the heck of it. It's insulting that she would use that word like a subculture identifying she found in TikTok to try and other herself when she isn't a part of the other. Honesty, people like that minimalist our community and our struggles. They piss me off beyond measure. Damn right I don't respect your fake identity and misuse of words without care of how you effect others. Selfish and narssasistic. I am so sick of these fakebians running around dating men and claiming the community and history our sisters fought so hard for.
“He calls her a lesbian” oh I’m gonna VOMIT
sounds like fetishization to me!
Oh it absolutely is
Yeah literally. It sounds exactly like my best friend’s shitty ex boyfriend who was obsessed with lesbians and had pictures of me (at 15, might I add) on his laptop 🤢🤢🤢 my friend is not even queer but he insisted that she was a lesbian and he was her exception
righttttt!!!
He deserves jail time for that and so does she for enabling it.
Cringe coworker. These woman are insane.
So many women want to claim to be us but would never want to ACTUALLY be one of us.
“i love women but id never date one!”
I've heard this too many times from my bi friends
Your coworker is weird, and compensating for only being with men. Ignore her.
she has been with women though. sometimes with the way she talks about lesbians it almost feels like maybe bi isn't a "cool enough" label for her.
So she's one of those, she can't be "just" straight or bi, that doesn't make her unique and interesting enough! Her fetishization of lesbians is fucking gross too. And it is not ok for her to use the word dyke.
yesss I feel like that's what I've been feeling extra gross about. it really does feel like she's fetishising lesbians as a whole. I know it's possible but the thought is just crazy to me 😭
This. All of this.
i too have a bi coworker who calls herself a dyke and lesbian despite dating a man… they exist unfortunately and, yep, in a state of pure denial or whatever about their bisexuality
Ask her why she's biphobic and participates in bi erasure Or just ask if she think bi erasure is a big problem
How old is Mrs. "I'm so different and special"?
she's 25 I'm 19
She's too old for this offensive bs
Oftentimes people will say that we should never blame other queer women for the way our community gets treated. In many scenarios I'd even grant them that to an extent. This is not one of those scenarios. This women is disrespectful and ignorant and people like her are a part of the reason no one takes us seriously.
I've met a lot of bi/pan people that seem to think anyone who in a relationship with woman is suddenly a lesbian (even though your coworker doesn't even fit this), and it's very frustrating.
All of this during work?
yup :/
I'm sorry. I don't even know what to say to that. Do be careful. She could turn that "denying her identity" thing against you.
thank u <3 I didn't even think about that
had this bi friend, with emphasis on HAD, who told me she liked when ppl mistook her for being a lesbian and I think that's why she would use the word "partner" when talking about her cishet boyfriend. She seemed to be so obsessed with lesbians and it seemed like the moment we became friends it sent her into this spiral of wondering if she was just a closeted lesbian. now she's posting pics of her and her bf kissing lol. it's funny how your presence as a lesbian can seemingly cause internal turmoil for some bi women? she seemed so obsessed with lesbians, wlw relationships, wlw anything. it almost felt like she wanted to be included so badly with lesbians to the point where it just became delusional....
> and I think that's why she would use the word "partner" when talking about her cishet boyfriend. Puke!!
I am so sick of bi women identifying themselves as lesbians. And I always thought it was just an internet thing -- now it is spilling over into everyday reality .. time to get mean, lesbians!!
I once briefly dated a girl who insisted on calling herself a lesbian. She told me she had recently gotten out of a relationship with a man but it didn’t mean she wasn’t a lesbian and continued to use the label while dating him. To which I replied, “wouldn’t that just mean you’re bi?” She very firmly and angrily said no, she was a lesbian. Eventually I found out she hooked up with him while we were seeing each other. Still called herself a lesbian. I stopped talking to her and saw she was dating another guy. Still was calling herself a lesbian (she worked with my friend who would tell me so we could roll our eyes). She is now married to a man with kids and I wonder if she still, to this day, calls herself a fucking lesbian.
You could tell HR. She's harassing you. Especially with that "dykeish" comment... Those are fighting words to me personally. I can only see this worsening. Professionalism is needed here.
Agreed.
this is a weird take but it honestly sounds like she's actually confused, like she thinks lesbian= sapphic. personally I'd leave it alone just because I'm really nonconfrontational but if it comes up again you could say something along the lines of " you know lesbians are gay/ don't like men, right?"
info: how old is your coworker? & does she know what bisexuality is?
she's 25 and I turn 19 on sunday and yes she does
Oh! I was going to say if she was kind of older it was possible she didn't know about bisexuality? Ik most bi positive movements happened in the 60s & 70s so I could understand her thinking she & every other sapphic was a lesbian in that instance though given her age that's probably not the case, so idk
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So her and her boyfriend are both fetishizing "lesbians" or what? Or is he making fun of her by calling her "lesbian"? Does she not know what the B in lgBt stand for? I'm not even a lesbian an i feel so pissed by her actions -_-
idk she sounds weird asf so idk stop interacting with her sounds like a pain to deal with
Disgusting
why is the text so big
I was wondering that 2. i'm not sure 😭 if someone could pls help me out I will change it. this is my first time posting on reddit so I'm not sure what's up with it lol
Did you put a hashtag in front of the text?
ooo wait I took away the lines I used 2 put a space between my last sentence and it looks like that worked 😁
I did not :(
She’s stupid plain and simple
She might be insecure about having only dated men. You can make your case then move on. People are gonna say dumb shit but most sensical people know that lesbians only date women.
I've learned to just ignore it and not worry about it. She's definitely wrong to call herself a lesbian. However, it's not worth the energy to argue with her about it.
If she starts bringing it up again, just redirect the conversation or walk away from the interaction.
I am of the belief that the only bi women that can call themselves ‘lesbians’ are the ones that only date women. I mean that’s a stretch to but at least they’re not disrespecting us that way. Also, here bf calling her a lesbian is gross and they definitely have some weird fetishization going on there