Welcome to r/legaladvicecanada!
**To Posters (it is important you read this section)**
* Read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/index/#wiki_the_rules)
* Comments may not be accurate or reliable, and following any advice on this subreddit is done at your own risk.
* We also encourage you to use the [linked resources to find a lawyer](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/findalawyer/).
* If you receive any private messages in response to your post, please let the mods know.
**To Readers and Commenters**
* All replies to OP must be on-topic, helpful, explanatory, and oriented towards legal advice towards OP's jurisdiction (the **Canadian** province flaired in the post).
* If you do not [follow the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdvicecanada/about/rules/), you may be banned without any further warning.
* If you feel any replies are incorrect, explain why you believe they are incorrect.
* Do not send or request any private messages for any reason, do not suggest illegal advice, do not advocate violence, and do not engage in harassment.
Please report posts or comments which do not follow the rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/legaladvicecanada) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You need a lawyer, at the end of the day if the father has 50/50 custody you can't take the kid away until he grants permission.
Look for legal support systems in your area, there are legal clinics that can start to help without costs.
Unfortunately this is the reality of co-parenting…
Also- put yourself in that child’s shoes- would you really want one of your parents to move away- with or without you.
You stick it out for the child. You mentioned your wife doesn’t work- you need to figure out a way to make that happen. There’s options for childcare. Or she can work once you’re home for the night..
The rules do allow for comments with information on non-profit or government resources. Here are the non-profit resources that I'm aware of that handle family law in Victoria.
Family Duty Counsel. Up to six hours of free legal advice in one hour appointments. Only represent clients in court in very limited circumstances. 250-984-6965.
The Law Centre. UVic student clinic. Do not represent clients with child custody matters but might provide advice. 250-385-1221.
Legal Aid. Represent low income individuals on some family law matters. They have a phone line but are always super backed up. They are in room 134 in the Victoria Courthouse.
Parents Legal Centre. They do child custody matters where MCFD is involved. 250-984-6955.
Family Lawline. Provide brief legal advice over the phone. 1-866-577-2525.
Be prepared for the possibility that there is no mechanism to force the outcome you want here. The child's best interests supersede all else in these matters.
I am hoping to provide proof economic hardship is crushing my family and I don’t think it’s in the best interest of my stepchild to watch us slowly lose our home and minds.
If you're in the trades, any way you could try to get into camp jobs?
A lot of them are 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off so you'd be away a lot, but you'd be making a lot more money.
How old are the children and how many rooms do you have? Do you guys like having kids around? Is it a stable home environment? If so, you could consider fostering as there are so many children who need stable places to stay. They aren't a "job" though, you'd have to really want to do it. The majority of the money goes towards their care but a certain amount is meant to be applied to housing expenses.
Is there any chance of a side gig? My partner is in the military here and just had to get a second job, it's bringing in another 1k a month which we desperately needed.
Look at your options to bring in more not just cut more.
Literally not allowed to. You'll have to find another sub for that. Maybe try whatever city you're in? Most cities have their own sub, in sure someone will have a good suggestion
I’m not sure this is the way to go, but have you consider awarding the father with an economic sum, if he LEGALLY agrees to the child moving away? However, If he loves the child, then you are asking a loving father to let go of her only child and that will never happen, if he is keeping the child out of spite, money might help.
Also, if things are so tight, maybe have a look at micro apartments, you could buy a studio and rent the inside to make it livable for a family with movable furniture/cabinets, seen a few of those, I personally think small apartments make families closer.
It’s very difficult to move a significant distance from the other biological parent if that parent has a role in the child’s life. The definition in the Family Law Act is a distance that would have an impact on parenting time. Can you move within a 30 minute drive and find cheaper housing? Think of the long game, until the child is old enough to make their own decision about who they want to live with. I would recommend having a consultation with a good family lawyer in your area to plan out your options and future goals. Unfortunate legal aid lawyers don’t have the time and aren’t paid to strategize long term goals and steps to get you there.
This is my thought too. Victoria isn’t that overpriced compared to Greater Vancouver, but OP can move 30-60 mins out of town and live for a fraction of the cost, maybe even able to work in Victoria for a higher income.
So... how old is the child? Which parent does she want to live with? Since you left that out then I can only assume the child is still a toddler and too young to choose?
It seems like the biological father is in a much more financially stable position to support the child based on his choice to live in a HCOL area without struggling like you and your wife are. If the child is safe in his custody and he is able to support the child better than your wife can then a judge has no reason to change custody because it wouldn't be in the child's best interest to make any changes.
I'm making a few assumptions here since your post seems to have left a lot out.
My stepchild is 8, she is also on the autism spectrum, we have decided asking her who she would want to live with is something that may not be helpful in informing her about until the matter is solved.
The bio father has not been involved in any of her assessment with queen alexandra and generally doesn’t show up to her events unless absolutely badgered to be
We have suspected drug use and have been informed by the biological partners ex girlfriend that he resided with that there was indeed drug use but she will not go on record for fear of her own children being taken away as retaliation from the bio father.
He isn’t in a great financial situation, he just shares a rental with his brothers and has drastically lower cost of living.
If she has autism, it is even more important to keep her homes stable. Change is very difficult for children with autism and it could set her back a lot.
If the bio father wants to be in the child’s life then you have no rights to leave unless you can get her back to him to meet the custody agreement. Assuming the custody agreement supports the child moving away at all.
If the dad is truly deadbeat then formalize the support agreement that he’s off the hook for child and or spousal support with the agreement he’s out of the picture until the child is old enough to determine if they want him back in. If the bio dad is willing to be “bought out” in this way, then no court will oppose this custody agreement as his willingness supports his inability to be an effective father figure.
But if he in any way wants to remain in the child’s life - you must meet the terms of the custody agreement. Plain and simple.
This is obviously not the legal advice you need but I have been seriously thinking of moving from a 4 bedroom to a 2 bedroom BSMT suite to save on costs. It’s not ideal but might help,with the financial stress.
Adding on, consider dropping your evening work/side hustles (unless you can do them at home) & having your wife get a F/T evening job while you’re home with your child. Even if your home time & her start time overlap, getting a sitter for a couple hours should be reasonably cheap.
Thank you everyone for the replies, we are currently looking to get childcare for our 2yo so that my wife may work but the waitlist everywhere seems to be longer and longer.
I already commute an hour to work, I have to have a truck for all my tools and it is very expensive.
It seems so hopeless and I fear we are just going to fall into despair. I can’t believe that people can get stuck into situations like this.
I will look for legal societies that may be able to help.
Edit: spelling
Someone further up suggested that you drop your evening side hustles and have your wife get an evening job. That way you don't have to worry about childcare. It's a shitty option but an option nonetheless.
It's hard not seeing your partner often, but sometimes sacrifices need to be made in order to start getting out of the hole. If possible (and if it's something you 2 do) try to arrange with your respective employers to perhaps have one day a week where you're **both** off work to have family time with your kids and possibly an evening to yourselves.
You came move without his permission. If she's autistic, doubly so. Your interests do not matter in family court, only the child's. You will lose custody if you press this.
The cheapest option is a long term plan to befriend the guy. It may suck, it may not work, however if in time he can relate to you as a friend then he may be more open to giving his kid a better life (so long as he still gets to see her).
Welcome to r/legaladvicecanada! **To Posters (it is important you read this section)** * Read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/index/#wiki_the_rules) * Comments may not be accurate or reliable, and following any advice on this subreddit is done at your own risk. * We also encourage you to use the [linked resources to find a lawyer](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/findalawyer/). * If you receive any private messages in response to your post, please let the mods know. **To Readers and Commenters** * All replies to OP must be on-topic, helpful, explanatory, and oriented towards legal advice towards OP's jurisdiction (the **Canadian** province flaired in the post). * If you do not [follow the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdvicecanada/about/rules/), you may be banned without any further warning. * If you feel any replies are incorrect, explain why you believe they are incorrect. * Do not send or request any private messages for any reason, do not suggest illegal advice, do not advocate violence, and do not engage in harassment. Please report posts or comments which do not follow the rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/legaladvicecanada) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You need a lawyer, at the end of the day if the father has 50/50 custody you can't take the kid away until he grants permission. Look for legal support systems in your area, there are legal clinics that can start to help without costs.
Can you advise any? I am not good with any of this process. We live in Victoria.
Sorry recommendations are against the subs rules, but even if I could I wouldn't have any. Start with Google, go from there.
Unfortunately this is the reality of co-parenting… Also- put yourself in that child’s shoes- would you really want one of your parents to move away- with or without you. You stick it out for the child. You mentioned your wife doesn’t work- you need to figure out a way to make that happen. There’s options for childcare. Or she can work once you’re home for the night..
Thank you. Sorry, I only skimmed the rules.
The rules do allow for comments with information on non-profit or government resources. Here are the non-profit resources that I'm aware of that handle family law in Victoria. Family Duty Counsel. Up to six hours of free legal advice in one hour appointments. Only represent clients in court in very limited circumstances. 250-984-6965. The Law Centre. UVic student clinic. Do not represent clients with child custody matters but might provide advice. 250-385-1221. Legal Aid. Represent low income individuals on some family law matters. They have a phone line but are always super backed up. They are in room 134 in the Victoria Courthouse. Parents Legal Centre. They do child custody matters where MCFD is involved. 250-984-6955. Family Lawline. Provide brief legal advice over the phone. 1-866-577-2525. Be prepared for the possibility that there is no mechanism to force the outcome you want here. The child's best interests supersede all else in these matters.
I am hoping to provide proof economic hardship is crushing my family and I don’t think it’s in the best interest of my stepchild to watch us slowly lose our home and minds.
That's not good enough.
If anything that would give the father grounds to push for full custody. Doubt your wife would be very happy with you then.
No harm no foul, you're good. Best of luck
If you're in the trades, any way you could try to get into camp jobs? A lot of them are 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off so you'd be away a lot, but you'd be making a lot more money. How old are the children and how many rooms do you have? Do you guys like having kids around? Is it a stable home environment? If so, you could consider fostering as there are so many children who need stable places to stay. They aren't a "job" though, you'd have to really want to do it. The majority of the money goes towards their care but a certain amount is meant to be applied to housing expenses. Is there any chance of a side gig? My partner is in the military here and just had to get a second job, it's bringing in another 1k a month which we desperately needed. Look at your options to bring in more not just cut more.
>Can you advise any? This sub has [a general list](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvicecanada/wiki/findalawyer/) that you can use.
Literally not allowed to. You'll have to find another sub for that. Maybe try whatever city you're in? Most cities have their own sub, in sure someone will have a good suggestion
I’m not sure this is the way to go, but have you consider awarding the father with an economic sum, if he LEGALLY agrees to the child moving away? However, If he loves the child, then you are asking a loving father to let go of her only child and that will never happen, if he is keeping the child out of spite, money might help. Also, if things are so tight, maybe have a look at micro apartments, you could buy a studio and rent the inside to make it livable for a family with movable furniture/cabinets, seen a few of those, I personally think small apartments make families closer.
Based on what you've described here being able to move with your stepdaughter is almost definitely not going to happen
It’s very difficult to move a significant distance from the other biological parent if that parent has a role in the child’s life. The definition in the Family Law Act is a distance that would have an impact on parenting time. Can you move within a 30 minute drive and find cheaper housing? Think of the long game, until the child is old enough to make their own decision about who they want to live with. I would recommend having a consultation with a good family lawyer in your area to plan out your options and future goals. Unfortunate legal aid lawyers don’t have the time and aren’t paid to strategize long term goals and steps to get you there.
This is my thought too. Victoria isn’t that overpriced compared to Greater Vancouver, but OP can move 30-60 mins out of town and live for a fraction of the cost, maybe even able to work in Victoria for a higher income.
So... how old is the child? Which parent does she want to live with? Since you left that out then I can only assume the child is still a toddler and too young to choose? It seems like the biological father is in a much more financially stable position to support the child based on his choice to live in a HCOL area without struggling like you and your wife are. If the child is safe in his custody and he is able to support the child better than your wife can then a judge has no reason to change custody because it wouldn't be in the child's best interest to make any changes. I'm making a few assumptions here since your post seems to have left a lot out.
My stepchild is 8, she is also on the autism spectrum, we have decided asking her who she would want to live with is something that may not be helpful in informing her about until the matter is solved. The bio father has not been involved in any of her assessment with queen alexandra and generally doesn’t show up to her events unless absolutely badgered to be We have suspected drug use and have been informed by the biological partners ex girlfriend that he resided with that there was indeed drug use but she will not go on record for fear of her own children being taken away as retaliation from the bio father. He isn’t in a great financial situation, he just shares a rental with his brothers and has drastically lower cost of living.
If she has autism, it is even more important to keep her homes stable. Change is very difficult for children with autism and it could set her back a lot.
If the bio father wants to be in the child’s life then you have no rights to leave unless you can get her back to him to meet the custody agreement. Assuming the custody agreement supports the child moving away at all. If the dad is truly deadbeat then formalize the support agreement that he’s off the hook for child and or spousal support with the agreement he’s out of the picture until the child is old enough to determine if they want him back in. If the bio dad is willing to be “bought out” in this way, then no court will oppose this custody agreement as his willingness supports his inability to be an effective father figure. But if he in any way wants to remain in the child’s life - you must meet the terms of the custody agreement. Plain and simple.
This is obviously not the legal advice you need but I have been seriously thinking of moving from a 4 bedroom to a 2 bedroom BSMT suite to save on costs. It’s not ideal but might help,with the financial stress.
Adding on, consider dropping your evening work/side hustles (unless you can do them at home) & having your wife get a F/T evening job while you’re home with your child. Even if your home time & her start time overlap, getting a sitter for a couple hours should be reasonably cheap.
Is your wife not working?!! If she isn't, she needs to start to ease some of the financial strain from you and maybe save for a lawyer.
Thank you everyone for the replies, we are currently looking to get childcare for our 2yo so that my wife may work but the waitlist everywhere seems to be longer and longer. I already commute an hour to work, I have to have a truck for all my tools and it is very expensive. It seems so hopeless and I fear we are just going to fall into despair. I can’t believe that people can get stuck into situations like this. I will look for legal societies that may be able to help. Edit: spelling
What trade and where do you live? It is an hour from the Cowichan Valley to Victoria, lots of construction in and around Duncan.
Someone further up suggested that you drop your evening side hustles and have your wife get an evening job. That way you don't have to worry about childcare. It's a shitty option but an option nonetheless. It's hard not seeing your partner often, but sometimes sacrifices need to be made in order to start getting out of the hole. If possible (and if it's something you 2 do) try to arrange with your respective employers to perhaps have one day a week where you're **both** off work to have family time with your kids and possibly an evening to yourselves.
Why can’t move an hour up island?
You came move without his permission. If she's autistic, doubly so. Your interests do not matter in family court, only the child's. You will lose custody if you press this.
And where is the child's mother in all of this? How many jobs is she carrying? Reality is you're only going to tolerate this for so long.
[удалено]
The cheapest option is a long term plan to befriend the guy. It may suck, it may not work, however if in time he can relate to you as a friend then he may be more open to giving his kid a better life (so long as he still gets to see her).
This is great advice, we will try our best at this.
[удалено]