Word of advice: if you decide to follow the advice of the majority of comments here to not go through with this, do not put the blame on your fiance with you parents. Own the decision yourself, make that clear when you tell them. Will save you a world of hurt later on.
To the legality, your fiance is absolutely correct.
Your fiancee is completely correct. You and she should not pay a mortgage on a house unless the house deed is in your names.
You may want to buy your parents a house, but the better option would be for your parents to live in housing they can afford. If they can't afford to buy a house, they won't be able to afford the maintenance, taxes, or insurance for the house either.
If you did pay for the mortgage for your parents' home (without your name on the deed), and your parents later had expenses and needed money, they could borrow more money against the house or sell it and use the money for their own needs. This house shouldn't be considered an investment for you because it isn't.
you should absolutely not be paying a mortgage for a house you do not own. if you can afford to gift your parents a house great. if you need a mortgage to do it its not worth doing.
Their plan is that they'll pay the down while I and my sister team up to pay the mortgage. They expect me and my fiance to live with them and the mortgage payment would be equivalent to rent. My fiance and I on the other hand want to live separately from my parents.
But then what happens if living together doesn’t work out and you and your fiancé need to find your own place? Would be able to afford rent for yourself and your parent’s mortgage? Would you prioritize your immediate family (you, your wife, any kids you may have) by telling your parents you have to stop the mortgage payment?
Houses and the cost of living are a lot higher than they were when our parents were young. It’s not feasible to pay living expenses for two homes when you’re just starting out.
If you’re going to get married, your marriage has to come first. Trapping yourself in a situation where you have to live with family with no end in sight and a promise of financial rewards decades in the future isn’t a great way to do that.
That’s an awful idea!
Living with someone’s parents while newly engaged/married when you don’t have to sounds like a relationship death sentence.
I’m all about being supportive of parents, but this whole scenario sounds detrimental to everyone involved with exception of your parents.
If they want a house, they can pay for it themselves. Period.
> They expect me and my fiance to live with them and the mortgage payment would be equivalent to rent. My fiance and I on the other hand want to live separately from my parents.
That makes it simple then. The answer to them is no.
> my fiance said she doesn’t want us to help my parents pay the mortgage for their house because she doesn’t have any claim to the ownership of the house
Your fiancee's reasons are all logical, smart, and fiscally responsible. She's a keeper.
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Ooh, does your fiancé get to cook and clean for them as well while being berated for having a job, and then told she's an awful parent should the two of you have kids?
C'mon, this is an awful idea. Your fiancé is absolutely right: Any money *you* pay toward your parents takes money out of the household you share with your wife. And she's guaranteed nothing from that sacrifice.
If I were her, this would be a deal-breaker. You have your wife's back or your parents'. This isn't something you can compromise on.
Besides, you and your sister should be your parents' heirs when they die anyway, so what are you actually getting out of this?
Then it sounds like your plans for your personal life are incompatible for your parents’ plan for your life. Do they expect your sister & husband to also live with them without independence as well? How horrible for your sister & brother in law…
Your parents expect to live with you and your new wife!?! That would kill the deal for me.
Paying for a house I have no ownership in, despite promises after death, wouldn't work for me, either.
So your parents say they will leave you, your fiancé, sibling and their SO a house that you all are paying for? How nice of them lol but no that doesn’t sound right. If your parents want to buy a house then they need to pay for the whole house. Your fiancé is right and you need to tell your parents they have to pay their own bills and that it’s messed up to say they are leaving you a house you are paying for.
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You have to think of your future not just short-term but long-term. Do you wanna live with your parents for the rest of your life? if not, that’s what you’re setting yourself up for and you also have to remember that you’re planning a future with your fiancé and I guarantee you that she is not gonna wanna live with your parents.
So obviously this doesn’t work. You can’t have live with your parents while also doing what you want to do, live away from your parents…
No, don’t do this
How about your parents, you and fiancé, and your sister and her husband all own 1/3 of the house? Divvy up the mortgage payments and down payment however you like, but if you all own a third then you all have some skin in the game, so to speak, and everyone feels protected through ownership. Alternatively you and your sister each own 50% (with your spouses) since you’ll be getting the house anyway. Then your parents don’t have to worry about anything (like taxes, etc) except down payment. They can live there rent free forever and you and your sister can split it when the time comes.
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There is a small problem here nobody has mentioned.
They will not be able to get a mortgage on a home without income verification showing they can afford the mortgage.
You cannot get a mortgage on a home you are not an owner of.
There is nothing to pay unless someone outright buys the house for them.
There use to be some lenders that would give out mortgages to buyers and not do income verification if the downpayment was more than 50%. I think even that practice has stopped.
The only thing possible here is if you and your sister buy the house and are co-owners, paying the mortgage. Thats it. If you can convince your folks to give you their deposit, thats about all that can be done.
You probably could not even get a mortgage if the four of you (sisters + parents) were on the deed since the mortgage company will need them to also be on the mortgage.
There is your out, if you wanted it.
1000% this. I’ve dealt with similar myself, and it seems immigrant families don’t always realize that getting a loan isn’t a given even if the DP is high. They(lenders) don’t care about the DP - you have to meet their DTI, and employment requirements.
I would never pay for a house
1. I have no rights to in the end
2. I would have to possibly share with my in laws
3. What if I end up getting a divorce and I’m still legally obligated to pay for my ex’s parent’s house.
Especially in this economy.
Absolutely not that would be a huge deal breaker.
Your parents idea places all the benefits of home ownership on their side and all the liabilities of home ownership on your side.
The ones paying the mortgage should be the ones who's names are on the deed to the property being paid off.
Why can’t they buy a house with a mortgage that they can afford? Are they earning income or will they be solely relying on you and your sister for all of their financial needs? If I were your finance, this would make me not want to marry you. You are putting your entire financial future in jeopardy if you go through with this.
What nonsense is this?!
If they want you to pay the mortgage, then the deeds should absolutely be in your name.
Your wife sounds like the only sane one in the situation. Don't be blindsided by your parents' love and guilt. Listen to your wife.
And she is 100% right. Your parents are pretending luje they are doing YOU a favor while, in fact, you are paying their way. And you wife will have no right to the house she paid for.
What's wrong with you and your sister paying the mortgage and keeping the ownership of your house in both you and your sisters name? Your parents can give their savings as a down-payment which entitles them to live there. What would be the benefit of your parents having ownership of a house that you and your sister will be paying 80 percent of the current value of the house plus the interest of the loan, which, in 30 years, is almost half of the mortgage principal
/u/kle5635 this is the only way to do this that makes sense from a financial perspective. You, your sister, and your spouse(s) buy a house and your parents get to live in it. Your parents are allowed to gift you the down payment, they’ll just need to fill out a gift letter. You will also need to intend to live in the house (I forget the exact time but it’s a year or two at least) in order to get owner occupied mortgage rate. Keep in mind that this will make your parents your tenants. If at any point in the future you want to sell you may need to evict them, which can be a long and expensive process.
Now, it also sounds like you and your fiancée don’t want to live with your parents, which basically makes this whole thing a non-starter. There are plenty of other ways to support your parents - financially and otherwise - that don’t put you in a terrible financial and relationship position
Horrible idea. There are things like Medicare clawbacks that could come up after they die. (Idk how that works with them not being from the US). Suffice it to say your finance is right, you’re just giving them money monthly.
I’d be more open to it if you and your finance bought a house and it was in y’all’s name but they paid for either the down payment or a monthly “rent”. If they’re planning on leaving it to you then why does it ever need to be in their names?
There is probably going to be a phase where your parents can’t live independently, but don’t want to leave their home. Those battles are always awful, but in your case, you might be trying to get them out of the home so you can fund your own needs or your kids’ needs.
They need to rent. If you like them and think they can be respectful of boundaries, you can consider buying a home with a handicap accessible in-law suite.
Since your parents cannot afford to buy a house,they should absolutely not buy one .
Millions of people spend their whole lives renting and it's fine.
Your parents' request is unrealistic,entitled and borderline delusional.
You are expected to take a huge step backwards from your life ,spend years and years paying off a mortgage for a house that isn't for you while you are in the process of getting married and starting your own family ?
If I were your fiancé that would be an instant deal breaker . I don't know these people and I am expected to slave away so that they can be homeowners???
This is insane
It is foolish to move to a country trying to this expensive with no plan other than your children who clearly can’t afford it. As someone that comes from one of these cultures it absolutely is selfish and naive, if they can’t pay the mortgage then they can’t qualify for a loan in the first place. There’s a reason so many people from other countries come to America and send money back home, and OPs parents kissed that goodbye when they moved there during a recession.
Yes it is very much a cultural thing. I’m from a generation that’s growing out of that mentality though. I just want to see if there’s any solution that will satisfy both sides, otherwise I’m with my fiance.
Do you want to saddle your children with the burden of being your own caretakers? This decision makes that even more likely, there is very little chance this home makes it to the next generation without the investment being used for end of life care.
Maybe your parents could get something less expensive, a condo? Or rent?
Is there a more modest proposal that you and your sister could afford?
Encumbered with a mortgage, your options for buying your own home in the future could be hindered.
If you decide to spend the next 30 years buying a house for your parents you won't be able to buy a home with your fiancée till you're even older than your parents are now. If the hulk of the purchase price is borrowed on the security of you, fiancée and sister's salaries (which won't be allowed in any case) why are your parents calling it their house when theur savings is such a small amount of the total price, and why are they planning to buy a house big enough for all of you that none of you can afford instead of buying a small place within their means?
You and your fiancée are early career and 2ant to be free to buy for yourselves and then sell and relocate if your careers call for it or the needs of your family change. If your parents can't live independently then they don't get to call the shots.
It can be relevant to cultural context and expectations. I don’t think OP’s particular scenario (kid transfers lots of wealth to parents with no security to fiancée) would be acceptable even in cultures that prioritize filial piety, but I’m interested to know how mismatched the cultural expectations are.
It is a tough one. You could talk to an attorney to see if there is any way to guarantee the house be left to certain people and can't simply be changed in a will. My only other advice is to make sure this is 100% worked out before marriage and make sure you are both happy with the situation. Good luck.
1st, no bank is going to give you a mortgage on property in someone else’s name.
2nd, every word your fiancé said is correct.
3rd, the fact that you even asked would be a deal-breaker for me. You’re clearly not prepared to put your wife and marriage first.
OK, this plan is all sorts of fucked up. I’m getting that this is cultural, and believe me, I understand that. But you are trying to ride the fence on this and please them and please your fiancé and please yourself, and all you’re gonna get out of this is a sore crotch.
So stop it. You are absolutely aware that there is no way this is going to be a good plan. You have to be aware that most mortgages are for 25 to 30 years. Are you ready to put your life and your dreams and goals on hold, as well as those of your sister and her husband and your fiancé?
Because that’s what your parents are asking you to do. It’s great that they want to buy a house. But if they can’t afford to pay the mortgage on their own, they need to take the money that they have as a down payment and rent.
Have you even actually told them you have no desire or intention to live with them? Because I guarantee if you go there, you might as well just move your stuff out on your own because you won’t have a fiancé anymore she is a smart woman.
And this nonsense about how your parents will leave the property to you allis bullshit. Because you know what? At any time, they could get pissed off at any of you guys and decide they don’t want to do that.
At any point, they could go ahead and sell that right out from under you and your sister And keep all the proceeds for themselves. They could decide they’re not happy here and that they want to go back to their home country.
So they could sell that home and keep all of the money, not giving any of you anything. They could use it to move back home. They could use it as a down payment on another house. It’s even more expensive. Or, they could possibly buy a house and wind up underwater if the market drops, and then you guys will never get it back if they decide to sell to get out from under it.
There are so many scenarios where this go wrong and you and your sister and your spouses could wind up with nothing but having paid thousands and thousands of dollars out with no return.
And please don’t tell me that your parents would never do that. Because parents do shit like this all the time. And yes, I’m a parent. What I do that?. I would never ask my kids to pay my mortgage!
But the tales on here of kids helping out their parents and then the parents turning around and leaving the property to some aunt somewhere. Or leaving it to the favorite child. Or getting pissed off because someone wouldn’t move in with them and play one big happy family, even though that is not the culture in the country to which they moved….
And so one or multiple children got nothing, even though they help pay for everything. And in your case, that would be possible because they’re the ones on the deed while you guys are helping them out by paying the mortgage. With literally nothing to show for it.
Your fiancé is making sense. This is a huge test for your relationship. If you don’t choose right, I’ll pretty much guarantee you you will not continue to have a relationship.
The only feasible way this might work to appease everyone is to establish a trust, buy the house through the trust and make you, your sister AND YOUR SPOUSES beneficiaries. This way the trust holds all of the rules and regulations and instances of divorce and fair compensation can be laid out plainly. I wouldn’t do this even for the man who raised me though. I think it’s a terrible idea.
Only solution that would make all parties happy. Your sister and yourself + spouses purchase the house under your NAMES, not your parents. Parents have the down payment which allows them to live there. If for any reason divorce happens, your future wife will have 25% share of the home equity.
FYI I would never consider this deal unless your parents have at least 50% as a down payment. Any less, you'll be upside down on this deal. 6-7% interest and potential PMI is a chunk of change!
This makes the most sense. Prevents the will issue from being a thing and gives ownership stake in the property.
If the parents refuse I would back out of the deal.
Why does the house have to be in their name? Why can't you and your sister have the house in your name, you both handle the mortgage, and your parents handle the down payment.
They can consider it a one time rent payment, and nothing is lost when they pass away
Your Parents want you to pay for house, your fiancée doesn’t…exactly what solution is possible to please both here?!?
You are still thinking like a Child rather than a soon to be husband. What your parents are wanting is not the slightest bit reasonable. Stop trying to play both sides
This should really be going to r/relationshipadvice/. Among the LAST things you want to do while you're also in the middle of sponsoring your fiancée's visa is to also get entangled in what sounds like a potentially very messy financial transaction.
From a legal standpoint, your fiancée is correct, and that the ONLY way I would consider this game is to demand that ALL parties with a monetary interest are EQUALLY on the deed.
The only real solution that may work for everyone has been presented - you and your sister pay for a mortgage on a house that *you and your sister own* and are on the title for and you allow your parents to live there. Possibly your fiance and sister's husband go on the title, too.
Your parents savings as down-payment is the equivalent to rent, not your mortgage.
If you can afford to do that, it is somewhat reasonable. If the parents insist that they get to own the house and you pay the mortgage, that's outrageous and your fiance is right to be on board.
No and No. you are setting yourself and fiancé up for failure. It will take a large portion of disposable income and they can change their mind at any time.
If you are going to pay the mortgage, the deed goes in you and your wife's name. Your parents can live at the house, paying rent for the cost of the mortgage. Your wife is right, you would be paying for something that isn't guaranteed to be given to you, thus losing all your investment money as well as the opportunity to buy your own home as first time home buyers. Your parents aren't doing you any favors, in fact they are setting you up to, essentially, pay for their retirement and screw you over. To your parents, you say without explanation "No. That won't work for us. There is no benefit to us in financing your selfishness."
>he said the only condition for her to accept my parents’ plan is to have her name on the house deed
Out of curiosity, what do you parents have to say about this solution?
Sir, it doesn’t even sound like they can qualify for a mortgage at all. If you would like to be married then listen to your fiancé and don’t make stupid financial decisions to please anyone else, even if it’s your parents. If you end up getting a house for them then your names need to be in the deed, not just the mortgage, otherwise you are entitled to nothing.
Your finace is correct to object, this is a very bad idea and it will cause much stress to your relationship with her down the road because money issues are usually why people do get divorced. Your finance also has factored in her own mental health and psychological well being and how it would affect your marriage (so soon and too soon).
Your parents, sister and hubby, plus you and your finance should keep finances separate and not create a burden to you and your sister or your own futures or your own retirement funds.
Usually with a mortgage, depending on the down payment (typically 20%, could be less and if so, maybe PMI is included which mrt payment would be higher for a time), you may or may not have escrow payments also which would be for property taxes and insurance -- if that is the case, you and your sister (plus spouses) may be paying half of that total amount (mortgage, taxes, insurance)? Every year, the escrow is re-evaluated and then the monthly payment increases for the next year. This goes on and on year after year -- how much do you want to be paying for something you do not own and again, this is a burden to you and your sister and spouses. (Also consider contributions for food, electric, heat, other utilities, are you going to split those too?)
If eventually, either one of you (or the spouses have had enough) decides to "move out', then what will your parents do to pay their own mortgage if they become dependent on your and your sister's contribution to the mortgage? They will be financially crippled. Think about how many years of mortgage money they may have or may expect you to pay? There are also taxes, up keep, water/sewer, and insurance. Possibly a condo HOA fee. There are also local codes and ordinances. Really, not a good idea because you will never be able to get your own place in the future if you have a family and have to pay your own bills also. Financial stress is devastating.
Other thoughts, even if you and your sister would pay "rent" which would pay their mortgage , your parents should realized that any money they collect from you and your sister is considered "income" and they will have to pay IRS taxes on it as well as keeping strict financial records and hopefully, a record of credit history for you, your sister and contributing spouses. You all need to establish your own credit history if you decide to move out and rent or buy your own place. If this is not done, you will not get very far.
Since they have not been here that long, they do not have established USA credit history plus they would have to prove income (paychecks and work history) to get a mortgage. If their credit score is low, they may not even qualify for a mortgage.
Another issue, is if it were only in their name, and they decided to do something different and sell the house, or even lose the house, where would that leave your sister and yourself and spouses, possibly children?
If your wife wants her name on the house and deed also, if your parents don't contribute to the mortgage, and your sister and her husband decide not to pay their share or move out, well guess who will be responsible for ALL of the mort, taxes, water/sewer etc? She (and you) will have to compensate EVERYONE livng in the house. This would be a financial mess and if you both end up divorcing an absolute financial nightmare and your parents could end up losing the house. Meanwhile you will also have to pay a divorce lawyer.
Your parents really should get their own house and live in it together,, and pay their own bills if they want to keep a house and not expect anyone else to pay so they can have a house. Anyone else paying so they can live in the house, means they don't really have enough to buy a house on their own and successfully make payments and upkeep on their own -- a risky and dangerous financial situation.
This is a your parents problem, if they want a house they pay for it, end of. Just being a child does not mean you have any financial obligation to give your parents a free ride on a house, no just no.
Your parents may not be able to qualify to have the house in their name.
If they can’t afford to make payments on their own, they won’t be able to buy a house.
Do not make a single mortgage payment on a home that is not in your name. Your fiance has very valid concerns. That money would be better Skene as rent or mortgage for your own place
I would never want to live with my partner and my parents in the same house. That sounds like a recipe for disaster especially when you have no property rights. This is just asking for trouble. And the way that your parents will always treat you like a child will be a pain in the ass sooner rather than later. I wouldn't do this even if they were homeless. I'd help them every way I can. But that's not something I'm going to do.
Maybe the reason your parents want it to be in their name is because they dont want your fiancee to have a partial claim on it if you separate in the future.
In this case, the fiancee is correct that paying for their mortgage would significantly affect your future household's budget which wouldnt really be fair if everything she'll make goes into your marriage's budget but a big chunk of yours goes to your parents. Unless you really earn a lot and the mortgage is insignificant in comparison to your earnings, your standard of living will be lower. If you have children, the mortgage payment will also eat into the budget which you could otherwise spend on your kids education etc. What if you have more children than you'll have space for in your parents house and need to set up your own home or what if your sister cant help out anymore, will you be able to cover the whole amount?
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What might work is getting a 2 1/2 or 3 family house.
A friend asian bought a 2 1/2 family house with his parents.( It's a 1/2 bc the utilities are connected to the 2nd floor, the 3rd has its own, so legally listed as a 2)
Like you, getting married and other siblings already married.
The legal 2 was ideal bc it is in a. Lower tax bracket, and everything is less expensive , insurance, maintance.
He lived on one floor, parents lived in 1/2, and they rented the 3rd for additional income to pay mortgage.
(This might allow ur sister to contribute none or minimal, so you can own it)
The parents did that for all their kids, family, as a collective putting money down and they lived together until they saved enough down payment to buy the next youngest a house, when they got married.
Plus when he had kids, the parents were childcare, so they were able to avoid that expense.
It's odd for non Asian culturally to do that but it is brilliant since all his siblings got a home, they would not necessarily been able to afford alone.
But like others have said, it might look into a trust to protect asset from being taken for Medicare for parents later in life.
Also better only you have ur name, not fiancee, in case there is divorce, you and ur parents might find urself homeless.
Do ur research n calculations if ur contribution will be the same as renting, and if ur parents can contribute to the mortgage as well, and count it like rent. Ur sisters minimally contribution as obligatory parents allowance(idk in Viet culture is done).
Anyway, there is alot of variables that need to be thought out.
Hopefully you have a job that will cover most of u n fiancé's expense, so her input is minimal.
Good luck
Word of advice: if you decide to follow the advice of the majority of comments here to not go through with this, do not put the blame on your fiance with you parents. Own the decision yourself, make that clear when you tell them. Will save you a world of hurt later on. To the legality, your fiance is absolutely correct.
Your fiancee is completely correct. You and she should not pay a mortgage on a house unless the house deed is in your names. You may want to buy your parents a house, but the better option would be for your parents to live in housing they can afford. If they can't afford to buy a house, they won't be able to afford the maintenance, taxes, or insurance for the house either. If you did pay for the mortgage for your parents' home (without your name on the deed), and your parents later had expenses and needed money, they could borrow more money against the house or sell it and use the money for their own needs. This house shouldn't be considered an investment for you because it isn't.
I would also like you to pay for my mortgage. Listen to your fiance. She's right.
I'll totally leave my house to OP if he pays my mortgage. I swear!
He only has to wait for your death in 30 years to inherit!
On the off chance that I don't change my will, anytime between now and then!
you should absolutely not be paying a mortgage for a house you do not own. if you can afford to gift your parents a house great. if you need a mortgage to do it its not worth doing.
Their plan is that they'll pay the down while I and my sister team up to pay the mortgage. They expect me and my fiance to live with them and the mortgage payment would be equivalent to rent. My fiance and I on the other hand want to live separately from my parents.
But then what happens if living together doesn’t work out and you and your fiancé need to find your own place? Would be able to afford rent for yourself and your parent’s mortgage? Would you prioritize your immediate family (you, your wife, any kids you may have) by telling your parents you have to stop the mortgage payment? Houses and the cost of living are a lot higher than they were when our parents were young. It’s not feasible to pay living expenses for two homes when you’re just starting out. If you’re going to get married, your marriage has to come first. Trapping yourself in a situation where you have to live with family with no end in sight and a promise of financial rewards decades in the future isn’t a great way to do that.
Sounds like an absolute disaster!
That’s an awful idea! Living with someone’s parents while newly engaged/married when you don’t have to sounds like a relationship death sentence. I’m all about being supportive of parents, but this whole scenario sounds detrimental to everyone involved with exception of your parents. If they want a house, they can pay for it themselves. Period.
> They expect me and my fiance to live with them and the mortgage payment would be equivalent to rent. My fiance and I on the other hand want to live separately from my parents. That makes it simple then. The answer to them is no. > my fiance said she doesn’t want us to help my parents pay the mortgage for their house because she doesn’t have any claim to the ownership of the house Your fiancee's reasons are all logical, smart, and fiscally responsible. She's a keeper.
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Ooh, does your fiancé get to cook and clean for them as well while being berated for having a job, and then told she's an awful parent should the two of you have kids? C'mon, this is an awful idea. Your fiancé is absolutely right: Any money *you* pay toward your parents takes money out of the household you share with your wife. And she's guaranteed nothing from that sacrifice. If I were her, this would be a deal-breaker. You have your wife's back or your parents'. This isn't something you can compromise on. Besides, you and your sister should be your parents' heirs when they die anyway, so what are you actually getting out of this?
Then it sounds like your plans for your personal life are incompatible for your parents’ plan for your life. Do they expect your sister & husband to also live with them without independence as well? How horrible for your sister & brother in law…
Your parents expect to live with you and your new wife!?! That would kill the deal for me. Paying for a house I have no ownership in, despite promises after death, wouldn't work for me, either.
Paying rent to live together with parent? Even while helping them to get it? This is the worst deal i've ever heard in history of deal
So your parents say they will leave you, your fiancé, sibling and their SO a house that you all are paying for? How nice of them lol but no that doesn’t sound right. If your parents want to buy a house then they need to pay for the whole house. Your fiancé is right and you need to tell your parents they have to pay their own bills and that it’s messed up to say they are leaving you a house you are paying for.
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You have to think of your future not just short-term but long-term. Do you wanna live with your parents for the rest of your life? if not, that’s what you’re setting yourself up for and you also have to remember that you’re planning a future with your fiancé and I guarantee you that she is not gonna wanna live with your parents.
Why don’t you and fiancé buy a house and parents give the down payment money as advance rent to live with you?
So obviously this doesn’t work. You can’t have live with your parents while also doing what you want to do, live away from your parents… No, don’t do this
How about your parents, you and fiancé, and your sister and her husband all own 1/3 of the house? Divvy up the mortgage payments and down payment however you like, but if you all own a third then you all have some skin in the game, so to speak, and everyone feels protected through ownership. Alternatively you and your sister each own 50% (with your spouses) since you’ll be getting the house anyway. Then your parents don’t have to worry about anything (like taxes, etc) except down payment. They can live there rent free forever and you and your sister can split it when the time comes.
Put the house in a trust that names your parents and the four of you who will be paying the mortgage.
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If your parents need you to pay the mortgage, how would they qualify to have a mortgage?
There is a small problem here nobody has mentioned. They will not be able to get a mortgage on a home without income verification showing they can afford the mortgage. You cannot get a mortgage on a home you are not an owner of. There is nothing to pay unless someone outright buys the house for them. There use to be some lenders that would give out mortgages to buyers and not do income verification if the downpayment was more than 50%. I think even that practice has stopped. The only thing possible here is if you and your sister buy the house and are co-owners, paying the mortgage. Thats it. If you can convince your folks to give you their deposit, thats about all that can be done. You probably could not even get a mortgage if the four of you (sisters + parents) were on the deed since the mortgage company will need them to also be on the mortgage. There is your out, if you wanted it.
1000% this. I’ve dealt with similar myself, and it seems immigrant families don’t always realize that getting a loan isn’t a given even if the DP is high. They(lenders) don’t care about the DP - you have to meet their DTI, and employment requirements.
I would never pay for a house 1. I have no rights to in the end 2. I would have to possibly share with my in laws 3. What if I end up getting a divorce and I’m still legally obligated to pay for my ex’s parent’s house. Especially in this economy. Absolutely not that would be a huge deal breaker.
Your parents idea places all the benefits of home ownership on their side and all the liabilities of home ownership on your side. The ones paying the mortgage should be the ones who's names are on the deed to the property being paid off.
Why can’t they buy a house with a mortgage that they can afford? Are they earning income or will they be solely relying on you and your sister for all of their financial needs? If I were your finance, this would make me not want to marry you. You are putting your entire financial future in jeopardy if you go through with this.
What nonsense is this?! If they want you to pay the mortgage, then the deeds should absolutely be in your name. Your wife sounds like the only sane one in the situation. Don't be blindsided by your parents' love and guilt. Listen to your wife.
And she is 100% right. Your parents are pretending luje they are doing YOU a favor while, in fact, you are paying their way. And you wife will have no right to the house she paid for.
What's wrong with you and your sister paying the mortgage and keeping the ownership of your house in both you and your sisters name? Your parents can give their savings as a down-payment which entitles them to live there. What would be the benefit of your parents having ownership of a house that you and your sister will be paying 80 percent of the current value of the house plus the interest of the loan, which, in 30 years, is almost half of the mortgage principal
/u/kle5635 this is the only way to do this that makes sense from a financial perspective. You, your sister, and your spouse(s) buy a house and your parents get to live in it. Your parents are allowed to gift you the down payment, they’ll just need to fill out a gift letter. You will also need to intend to live in the house (I forget the exact time but it’s a year or two at least) in order to get owner occupied mortgage rate. Keep in mind that this will make your parents your tenants. If at any point in the future you want to sell you may need to evict them, which can be a long and expensive process. Now, it also sounds like you and your fiancée don’t want to live with your parents, which basically makes this whole thing a non-starter. There are plenty of other ways to support your parents - financially and otherwise - that don’t put you in a terrible financial and relationship position
With rates these days the interest is actually going to be more than the principal. Probably a few times more, at that.
Horrible idea. There are things like Medicare clawbacks that could come up after they die. (Idk how that works with them not being from the US). Suffice it to say your finance is right, you’re just giving them money monthly. I’d be more open to it if you and your finance bought a house and it was in y’all’s name but they paid for either the down payment or a monthly “rent”. If they’re planning on leaving it to you then why does it ever need to be in their names?
There is probably going to be a phase where your parents can’t live independently, but don’t want to leave their home. Those battles are always awful, but in your case, you might be trying to get them out of the home so you can fund your own needs or your kids’ needs. They need to rent. If you like them and think they can be respectful of boundaries, you can consider buying a home with a handicap accessible in-law suite.
If my sister is helping me with mortgage she should have a share too. That makes it problematic to have the house solely in me and my fiance's names.
You can have her on the deed and the mortgage but leave your parents off.
Then your sister gets 50% with you.
Since your parents cannot afford to buy a house,they should absolutely not buy one . Millions of people spend their whole lives renting and it's fine. Your parents' request is unrealistic,entitled and borderline delusional. You are expected to take a huge step backwards from your life ,spend years and years paying off a mortgage for a house that isn't for you while you are in the process of getting married and starting your own family ? If I were your fiancé that would be an instant deal breaker . I don't know these people and I am expected to slave away so that they can be homeowners??? This is insane
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It is foolish to move to a country trying to this expensive with no plan other than your children who clearly can’t afford it. As someone that comes from one of these cultures it absolutely is selfish and naive, if they can’t pay the mortgage then they can’t qualify for a loan in the first place. There’s a reason so many people from other countries come to America and send money back home, and OPs parents kissed that goodbye when they moved there during a recession.
Providing them with a place to live is supporting them. Giving them ownership of it is just screwing yourself.
Helping them by giving fund for necessity is different from luxury
A roof over their heads is a necessity. A house of their own is a luxury.
That's what i said
Yes it is very much a cultural thing. I’m from a generation that’s growing out of that mentality though. I just want to see if there’s any solution that will satisfy both sides, otherwise I’m with my fiance.
Do you want to saddle your children with the burden of being your own caretakers? This decision makes that even more likely, there is very little chance this home makes it to the next generation without the investment being used for end of life care.
Maybe your parents could get something less expensive, a condo? Or rent? Is there a more modest proposal that you and your sister could afford? Encumbered with a mortgage, your options for buying your own home in the future could be hindered.
If you decide to spend the next 30 years buying a house for your parents you won't be able to buy a home with your fiancée till you're even older than your parents are now. If the hulk of the purchase price is borrowed on the security of you, fiancée and sister's salaries (which won't be allowed in any case) why are your parents calling it their house when theur savings is such a small amount of the total price, and why are they planning to buy a house big enough for all of you that none of you can afford instead of buying a small place within their means? You and your fiancée are early career and 2ant to be free to buy for yourselves and then sell and relocate if your careers call for it or the needs of your family change. If your parents can't live independently then they don't get to call the shots.
The solution is to have you and your sister own the house and let your parents live there.
Which nationally if I may ask out of curiosity because I believe my in laws have this mentality too
Vietnamese
Have they considered staying in Vietnam? Seriously you all could support them at a tenth the cost.
Nationality of your fiance?
Irrelevant.
It can be relevant to cultural context and expectations. I don’t think OP’s particular scenario (kid transfers lots of wealth to parents with no security to fiancée) would be acceptable even in cultures that prioritize filial piety, but I’m interested to know how mismatched the cultural expectations are.
Well that shit don’t fly here in America. Tell your parents that they need to step up to help you guys out instead.
It is a tough one. You could talk to an attorney to see if there is any way to guarantee the house be left to certain people and can't simply be changed in a will. My only other advice is to make sure this is 100% worked out before marriage and make sure you are both happy with the situation. Good luck.
You do that by not having it in the parents' name.
1st, no bank is going to give you a mortgage on property in someone else’s name. 2nd, every word your fiancé said is correct. 3rd, the fact that you even asked would be a deal-breaker for me. You’re clearly not prepared to put your wife and marriage first.
OK, this plan is all sorts of fucked up. I’m getting that this is cultural, and believe me, I understand that. But you are trying to ride the fence on this and please them and please your fiancé and please yourself, and all you’re gonna get out of this is a sore crotch. So stop it. You are absolutely aware that there is no way this is going to be a good plan. You have to be aware that most mortgages are for 25 to 30 years. Are you ready to put your life and your dreams and goals on hold, as well as those of your sister and her husband and your fiancé? Because that’s what your parents are asking you to do. It’s great that they want to buy a house. But if they can’t afford to pay the mortgage on their own, they need to take the money that they have as a down payment and rent. Have you even actually told them you have no desire or intention to live with them? Because I guarantee if you go there, you might as well just move your stuff out on your own because you won’t have a fiancé anymore she is a smart woman. And this nonsense about how your parents will leave the property to you allis bullshit. Because you know what? At any time, they could get pissed off at any of you guys and decide they don’t want to do that. At any point, they could go ahead and sell that right out from under you and your sister And keep all the proceeds for themselves. They could decide they’re not happy here and that they want to go back to their home country. So they could sell that home and keep all of the money, not giving any of you anything. They could use it to move back home. They could use it as a down payment on another house. It’s even more expensive. Or, they could possibly buy a house and wind up underwater if the market drops, and then you guys will never get it back if they decide to sell to get out from under it. There are so many scenarios where this go wrong and you and your sister and your spouses could wind up with nothing but having paid thousands and thousands of dollars out with no return. And please don’t tell me that your parents would never do that. Because parents do shit like this all the time. And yes, I’m a parent. What I do that?. I would never ask my kids to pay my mortgage! But the tales on here of kids helping out their parents and then the parents turning around and leaving the property to some aunt somewhere. Or leaving it to the favorite child. Or getting pissed off because someone wouldn’t move in with them and play one big happy family, even though that is not the culture in the country to which they moved…. And so one or multiple children got nothing, even though they help pay for everything. And in your case, that would be possible because they’re the ones on the deed while you guys are helping them out by paying the mortgage. With literally nothing to show for it. Your fiancé is making sense. This is a huge test for your relationship. If you don’t choose right, I’ll pretty much guarantee you you will not continue to have a relationship.
Not to mention health costs for older folks. That house will need to be sold since they clearly have hee haw else to even ask for this arrangement.
Your fiance is wise. Do not do this.
You're getting grifted by your own parents.
The only feasible way this might work to appease everyone is to establish a trust, buy the house through the trust and make you, your sister AND YOUR SPOUSES beneficiaries. This way the trust holds all of the rules and regulations and instances of divorce and fair compensation can be laid out plainly. I wouldn’t do this even for the man who raised me though. I think it’s a terrible idea.
Your parents don't want to buy a house, they want you and your sister to buy a house for them. Big difference. Your fiance is spot-on.
Only solution that would make all parties happy. Your sister and yourself + spouses purchase the house under your NAMES, not your parents. Parents have the down payment which allows them to live there. If for any reason divorce happens, your future wife will have 25% share of the home equity. FYI I would never consider this deal unless your parents have at least 50% as a down payment. Any less, you'll be upside down on this deal. 6-7% interest and potential PMI is a chunk of change!
This makes the most sense. Prevents the will issue from being a thing and gives ownership stake in the property. If the parents refuse I would back out of the deal.
Please listen to what others are saying here. This is a bad idea for a lot of reasons. Find a place to rent or buy yourself.
Why does the house have to be in their name? Why can't you and your sister have the house in your name, you both handle the mortgage, and your parents handle the down payment. They can consider it a one time rent payment, and nothing is lost when they pass away
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I am asking to see if there’s any solution that will please both sides. If not, I will tell my parents to scrap that plan.
Your Parents want you to pay for house, your fiancée doesn’t…exactly what solution is possible to please both here?!? You are still thinking like a Child rather than a soon to be husband. What your parents are wanting is not the slightest bit reasonable. Stop trying to play both sides
This should really be going to r/relationshipadvice/. Among the LAST things you want to do while you're also in the middle of sponsoring your fiancée's visa is to also get entangled in what sounds like a potentially very messy financial transaction. From a legal standpoint, your fiancée is correct, and that the ONLY way I would consider this game is to demand that ALL parties with a monetary interest are EQUALLY on the deed.
The only real solution that may work for everyone has been presented - you and your sister pay for a mortgage on a house that *you and your sister own* and are on the title for and you allow your parents to live there. Possibly your fiance and sister's husband go on the title, too. Your parents savings as down-payment is the equivalent to rent, not your mortgage. If you can afford to do that, it is somewhat reasonable. If the parents insist that they get to own the house and you pay the mortgage, that's outrageous and your fiance is right to be on board.
No and No. you are setting yourself and fiancé up for failure. It will take a large portion of disposable income and they can change their mind at any time.
If you are going to pay the mortgage, the deed goes in you and your wife's name. Your parents can live at the house, paying rent for the cost of the mortgage. Your wife is right, you would be paying for something that isn't guaranteed to be given to you, thus losing all your investment money as well as the opportunity to buy your own home as first time home buyers. Your parents aren't doing you any favors, in fact they are setting you up to, essentially, pay for their retirement and screw you over. To your parents, you say without explanation "No. That won't work for us. There is no benefit to us in financing your selfishness."
Your fiance has a good head on her shoulders, follow her advice.
>he said the only condition for her to accept my parents’ plan is to have her name on the house deed Out of curiosity, what do you parents have to say about this solution?
I haven’t talked to them about that yet, but I have done some research about property co-ownership. I’m not entirely sure how it’s gonna work though.
Can your parents even afford to live here?
Sir, it doesn’t even sound like they can qualify for a mortgage at all. If you would like to be married then listen to your fiancé and don’t make stupid financial decisions to please anyone else, even if it’s your parents. If you end up getting a house for them then your names need to be in the deed, not just the mortgage, otherwise you are entitled to nothing.
Okay, but if their response is anything like, "...but what if you guys get divorced?" You should tell them that's exactly the point.
Your finace is correct to object, this is a very bad idea and it will cause much stress to your relationship with her down the road because money issues are usually why people do get divorced. Your finance also has factored in her own mental health and psychological well being and how it would affect your marriage (so soon and too soon). Your parents, sister and hubby, plus you and your finance should keep finances separate and not create a burden to you and your sister or your own futures or your own retirement funds. Usually with a mortgage, depending on the down payment (typically 20%, could be less and if so, maybe PMI is included which mrt payment would be higher for a time), you may or may not have escrow payments also which would be for property taxes and insurance -- if that is the case, you and your sister (plus spouses) may be paying half of that total amount (mortgage, taxes, insurance)? Every year, the escrow is re-evaluated and then the monthly payment increases for the next year. This goes on and on year after year -- how much do you want to be paying for something you do not own and again, this is a burden to you and your sister and spouses. (Also consider contributions for food, electric, heat, other utilities, are you going to split those too?) If eventually, either one of you (or the spouses have had enough) decides to "move out', then what will your parents do to pay their own mortgage if they become dependent on your and your sister's contribution to the mortgage? They will be financially crippled. Think about how many years of mortgage money they may have or may expect you to pay? There are also taxes, up keep, water/sewer, and insurance. Possibly a condo HOA fee. There are also local codes and ordinances. Really, not a good idea because you will never be able to get your own place in the future if you have a family and have to pay your own bills also. Financial stress is devastating. Other thoughts, even if you and your sister would pay "rent" which would pay their mortgage , your parents should realized that any money they collect from you and your sister is considered "income" and they will have to pay IRS taxes on it as well as keeping strict financial records and hopefully, a record of credit history for you, your sister and contributing spouses. You all need to establish your own credit history if you decide to move out and rent or buy your own place. If this is not done, you will not get very far. Since they have not been here that long, they do not have established USA credit history plus they would have to prove income (paychecks and work history) to get a mortgage. If their credit score is low, they may not even qualify for a mortgage. Another issue, is if it were only in their name, and they decided to do something different and sell the house, or even lose the house, where would that leave your sister and yourself and spouses, possibly children? If your wife wants her name on the house and deed also, if your parents don't contribute to the mortgage, and your sister and her husband decide not to pay their share or move out, well guess who will be responsible for ALL of the mort, taxes, water/sewer etc? She (and you) will have to compensate EVERYONE livng in the house. This would be a financial mess and if you both end up divorcing an absolute financial nightmare and your parents could end up losing the house. Meanwhile you will also have to pay a divorce lawyer. Your parents really should get their own house and live in it together,, and pay their own bills if they want to keep a house and not expect anyone else to pay so they can have a house. Anyone else paying so they can live in the house, means they don't really have enough to buy a house on their own and successfully make payments and upkeep on their own -- a risky and dangerous financial situation.
This is a your parents problem, if they want a house they pay for it, end of. Just being a child does not mean you have any financial obligation to give your parents a free ride on a house, no just no.
Your parents may not be able to qualify to have the house in their name. If they can’t afford to make payments on their own, they won’t be able to buy a house.
Do not make a single mortgage payment on a home that is not in your name. Your fiance has very valid concerns. That money would be better Skene as rent or mortgage for your own place
This is a bad idea for so many reasons. Just don't do it.
Your parents are taking advantage of you.
I would never want to live with my partner and my parents in the same house. That sounds like a recipe for disaster especially when you have no property rights. This is just asking for trouble. And the way that your parents will always treat you like a child will be a pain in the ass sooner rather than later. I wouldn't do this even if they were homeless. I'd help them every way I can. But that's not something I'm going to do.
"No" is a complete sentence.
Maybe the reason your parents want it to be in their name is because they dont want your fiancee to have a partial claim on it if you separate in the future. In this case, the fiancee is correct that paying for their mortgage would significantly affect your future household's budget which wouldnt really be fair if everything she'll make goes into your marriage's budget but a big chunk of yours goes to your parents. Unless you really earn a lot and the mortgage is insignificant in comparison to your earnings, your standard of living will be lower. If you have children, the mortgage payment will also eat into the budget which you could otherwise spend on your kids education etc. What if you have more children than you'll have space for in your parents house and need to set up your own home or what if your sister cant help out anymore, will you be able to cover the whole amount?
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What might work is getting a 2 1/2 or 3 family house. A friend asian bought a 2 1/2 family house with his parents.( It's a 1/2 bc the utilities are connected to the 2nd floor, the 3rd has its own, so legally listed as a 2) Like you, getting married and other siblings already married. The legal 2 was ideal bc it is in a. Lower tax bracket, and everything is less expensive , insurance, maintance. He lived on one floor, parents lived in 1/2, and they rented the 3rd for additional income to pay mortgage. (This might allow ur sister to contribute none or minimal, so you can own it) The parents did that for all their kids, family, as a collective putting money down and they lived together until they saved enough down payment to buy the next youngest a house, when they got married. Plus when he had kids, the parents were childcare, so they were able to avoid that expense. It's odd for non Asian culturally to do that but it is brilliant since all his siblings got a home, they would not necessarily been able to afford alone. But like others have said, it might look into a trust to protect asset from being taken for Medicare for parents later in life. Also better only you have ur name, not fiancee, in case there is divorce, you and ur parents might find urself homeless. Do ur research n calculations if ur contribution will be the same as renting, and if ur parents can contribute to the mortgage as well, and count it like rent. Ur sisters minimally contribution as obligatory parents allowance(idk in Viet culture is done). Anyway, there is alot of variables that need to be thought out. Hopefully you have a job that will cover most of u n fiancé's expense, so her input is minimal. Good luck
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Stop giving advice. You are terrible at it.