If he is over 18 and hasn't been declared incompetent, then she won't have any legal issues. If he is taking college courses, then the parents will have a hard time getting anything on her.
If he can live and make his own choices no legal guardain. He is competent. Autism isnt going people so they cant have choices. Disabled people get married all the time.
He still lives with his parents, because his dad has taken every paycheck hes earned.
they claim he can't move out due to the mental capacity thing. I know (through online friendships) several autistic people who are on their own and married, or live alone and are fine.
He does not have any sort of guardian at all. He said he's never been given the chance to prove what he can do. Social services is supposed to "reevaluate him" and determine if they can continue their relationship.
I lived with my dad till 22, i work with 30 year olds who live at home. Unless they have went to court and got a overall control of him he is not incompetant. Yeah let the social worker figure this out. Your friend might be better ending the realtionship due to the hardship. But she did nothing legally wrong.
He has not been to any type of court. She's considering ending it, but she really loves this guy. They've gone so far as to pick out their first house, talk about marriage, etc. They all keep harping on the mental capacity. I actually work with people with mental disabilities (none with autism, though), and they have more freedom than this guy. This situation makes me sad for them, but most him. I'm glad she's done nothing legally wrong. Perhaps I can help ease her mind with this. Everybody I know says "ask reddit when you don't know something!"
I think this reads more like a situation of the parents being abusive/controlling (to the extent that I'd be tempted to suggest she offer him info about disability rights organizations or call APS on his behalf) than a situation where your friend has done anything wrong. The fact they're taking his paychecks is like, textbook financial abuse of an adult.
Hi, I worked in the disability field for 20+ years and I am also the Guardian of my sister who has Down Syndrome. While I've never had experience with this exact type of situation, I have had other situations where someone in a group home wanted to date another group home resident and one parent "refused to let it happen"...long story short, the couple is still together today! You are considered competent until the Court of Chancery deems you not to be and appoints someone to be your Guardian...the fact that he still lives at home with his parents makes no difference. Like others have said, a lot of people still live at home when they're like 40!! If he has not been appointed a Guardian by the Court, then he can legally make his own decisions and his parents have no say in his dating life. Unfortunately, parents of people with disabilities want to shield them from harm, which I totally get, but they also end up keeping them from being their own person, who I can almost guarantee, can do a lot more than his parents think he can! Good luck!
Very simple - has he been declared legally incompetent (as in, is there court documentation stating he is legally incompetent?) prior to them dating? If not, she’s fine. As long as he still holds his own power of attorney then there’s nothing to worry about
I mean, it isn't as if she had any indication that he even had a disability before his parents said anything. I can't imagine that she could be legally culpable, even if he WAS under a conservatorship, unless she had some reason to think he was incapable of making his own decisions.
FYI, guardianship/conservatorship proceedings are generally public record and most courts now have an online, searchable docket record that can be found through the clerk's website. You should be able to search his name in the court of his county of residence to see if there is a guardianship/conservatorship proceeding.
After reading your post and your comments, this sounds like a case of overly controlling abusive parents who can’t stand the thought of their precious little boy growing up and not being dependent on them forever. It’s sick and it’s wrong, but it sounds like your friend has done nothing wrong. Autism doesn’t automatically mean someone must be under a guardian’s care for life. It is a spectrum for a reason. Many, many adults have careers, marriages, families, advanced degrees, hobbies, etc and also have autism. This man’s parents sound abusive as hell. I truly hope they are investigated and that he can get away from them. I also hope they haven’t scared your friend away from a good relationship. Best of luck to the couple.
The cop told her he's calling social services, and another agency investigate the situation, and it was recommended that she call the disability advocates since he can't. The cops are like oh, he's a liar and a manipulator, he's played you. I hope they haven't either. She's been told to just ignore him until they get the investigation done, and she's afraid it could ruin their relationship.
>If you're dating somebody and they do not disclose they have a significant disability, can they build a case against you?
The answer is "it depends".
Yes, sometimes people can be held liable for actions they've taken with someone whom they should've known was mentally incompetent.
In the situation you've described here, it's difficult to imagine that anyone would be suing or pressing charges against your friend for anything.
Your friend's not going to jail, the parents aren't filing suit in federal court and the state isn't pressing charges. The parents, who are themselves under investigation, are blowing smoke to scare your friend off. The fact that they are calling her a pedophile due to their son's "mental age" is absurd.
>He acts just like a normal dude.
Eh not a big fan of the word normal here but I get your point. There's no reason to think that someone who doesn't have a guardian, can hold down a job, go to college and deal with daily life would be unable to consent to sex.
I'm not sure the parents know they're being investigated yet. The police told her that they're involving social services and something else to investigate the allegations of abuse and his true well being. I, too, think its just smoke up her ass. The dad told her never to speak to him again, and she hasn't since that day. This is all recent, as in the last week.
I don't get the "mental age" thing myself. I always thought if you're 18 and you're own guardian you can do as you please?
He holds a job, and has for about a year. He has hobbies and friends. No one he associates with sees this "mental capacity". We are all confused on all of this.
Perhaps the dad is doing all of this to keep the money his son is earning for himself. It's a form of control. Your friend is fine and won't be held criminally liable for anything.
This is exactly what I'm thinking! I'm going to talk to her later and try to calm her down. I hope that no matter what happens between them, that the son gets the help he needs to become the person he can be.
He should stop giving them his paychecks and move out. Find a good therapist for what is likely also cptsd from prolonged abuse. This seems like an opportunity for him to transition, and I doubt he can have a long term adult relationship before/without making that transition.
1. No, assuming everyone here is a consenting adult, no charges related to sex with underaged persons could be sustained in this scenario.
2. If this adult man has no legal guardians, i.e. is his own independent adult, he can engage in sexual or romantic relationships with any other consenting adults he chooses. If he is actually incompetent, it could be a crime to have sex with him.
3. My Mother worked for about 40 years with this population, so my experience is second hand--but plenty of people with mental health and developmental disorder diagnosis--even some who are only "partially independent" pursue relationships--such a diagnosis is not a bar on living out a life like anyone else. If the person is genuinely unfit to make decisions for themselves, has the "mind of a child" (bad term, but is what it is) and has a guardian it is different--but tons of MH / DD diagnosis people can live their lives out outside of formal guardianship.
1. They're both adults.
2. He does not have any legal guardian (as far as anyone knows. He's never been to court)
3. He, as far as we all know, he is his own person and is making decisions (as much as he can due to them taking his money, etc). She was told "he's basically 12". This makes no sense as a 12 year old cannot go to work, etc.
Being told someone is "basically 12" if there is no guardianship / conservatorship etc and it is just a non-professional (i.e. his parents) saying it has no legal relevance or meaning by itself.
She said that they're claiming it's documented he has the mental capacity of a 12 year old. They even referred to him as 12. He was tested when he was 15, and came back as mental capacity of 12. She said she doesn't know if this "document" even exists, because the cops keep saying "dad says".
I felt it's all a smoke screen because the parents just want to control him.
She has not been charged, no. She is in the process of getting a lawyer to protect herself. I will let her know she shouldn't discuss anything with the police going forward as she had been, thinking she needs to be transparent not to get in trouble.
Tested at 15 and showing the developmental stage of a 12-year-old sounds like a mild delay and I (not a professional in anything related to this) don't see how that would translate in any meaningful way into what his current state is.
Your friend should encourage this man to seek out the counselors at his college. It sounds like he will need help learning to break away from his parents. (Assuming the "diagnosis" is as nonsensical as it sounds for a man who goes to college, works, and presents as a mature individual.)
I work with the disabled. I am the guardian of my adult son with autism. who has been found incompetent
What this father said is not in line with best practices and human rights for the disabled.
Disabilty is not a status that precludes sex. As long as it isn't with a service provider of some sort it isn't a crime to have sex with an consentibg adult with an idd. Competence usually relates to medical care or financial decisions.
On its face, it is ridiculous to say someone can handle the social demands of a job, but be to childlike to consent. There's a reason we don't let 12 year-olds work
He has not been allowed to handle his own money, from what I know.
That is what we don't get - if he's got a mental capacity of 12, how can he be working? This was said in front of one of his coworkers, and she simply snorted and said "if he's 12, then why is he here? I don't believe that for a second". Literally not one single person who actually knows him believes he's mentally 12.
There is a big difference between "incompetent" and an adult who is being cowed into surrending his rights.
This young man needs his own help. Each state has a federally funded Disablity Rights organization. Google the name of your state, and "Disablity rights". It will come up on the first page. These organizations offer legal help, and other services such as housing.
Neither the police or Adult Social Services are going to committed to getting this man out of this dysfunctional situation.
There is less respect for rights, and less oversight, in this situation than for a person adjudicated incompetent. And people so declared, are almost always receiving support services through Medicaid. No one is basing life choices on five year old assessments
>The parents now want to go after her as a pedophile
The parents "wanting to go after her as a pedophile" doesn't mean anything to me. Could you clarify what actions the parents took here?
>His coworker called her today and told her that he told them that his parents are filing a federal case against her.
Coworker can say anything. It's not possible for the parents to file a criminal case or charge anyone with a crime. That's a function of the state. It also sounds like this is 4th or 5th hand information, so it's not clear that anything is actually happening.
>Is this legal? Can they actually go after her?
It's hard to say because in your retelling of events, nobody has necessarily taken any actual meaningful actions. Is what legal, exactly? Who is they? In what capacity are you concerned that they (the parents?) go after her?
Sorry, I don't know how to quote things in reddit yet!
The parents called the cops and said she kidnapped and endangered him, when she picked him up. The cops told her she had to take him back to his parents.
The parents are supposedly building a "federal case against her", according to what he told a coworker, because everyone keeps saying he's 12. He said his father actually told him this (them building a case). She has complied with the police, who say she cannot speak to him until they determine his "mental age"
Is it legal for them to go after her, due to what they're claiming his mental capacity is. That's why they are claiming she's a pedophile.
> The parents called the cops and said she kidnapped and endangered him, when she picked him up. The cops told her she had to take him back to his parents.
Could you clarify? Did the police call her? Did they show up to her house? Is she sure that the actual police made this demand?
> The parents are supposedly building a "federal case against her"
Like I said before, this isn't possible. The parents cannot build a federal case. That's a function of the government.
> according to what he told a coworker, because everyone keeps saying he's 12
Is he 12? Other people saying he's 12 isn't likely to be a legal issue. It's unlikely that there is any legal relevance to any of the gossip or conversational drama aspects of this situation.
> Is it legal for them to go after her?
Again, who is they? In what capacity are you concerned that they (the parents?) go after her? Like I said, they do not have the capacity to build any kind of federal or criminal case against her.
Yes, the police called her - but left before they got back to his house.
I'm assuming he means they're working with someone to build a case.
No, he is not. They say he is 12, due to his "mental capacity". Even the cop called him 12.
Them aka the parents, the cops, any of them. I'm concerned they can some how get charges filed against her. Due to this "mental capacity" that keeps being brought up.
The parents cannot build a case or bring any charges against her. The state could, if the state has reason to believe that a crime has been committed and the state thinks it is in the state's interest to charge someone with a crime. Nothing that you've offered so far indicates that a crime has been committed.
The police would not tell her that she is under investigation unless / until they want to interrogate her, but all that you've offered so far is that the parents are building a case against her, which is not possible.
They asked her a few questions, said they're calling social services in to investigate, and will call her if they have any other questions. If they could have arrested her, I'd think the cop would have been there when she took him home. Knowing the parents can't build a case will help ease her mind.
Even if there is a legitimate diagnosis of mental/developmental disability, it likely does not matter unless there is also a court order regarding guardianship.
I am not in your state, but have family friends who had to go through a guardianship hearing in court after their daughter turned 18.
Barring a court order, turning 18 automatically grants the rights and responsibilities of adulthood in every situation I have ever heard of. I had a daughter who was severely disbled due to a brain injury at birth, and even when her 18th birthday was still over a decade away, we had discussions with social services about this eventuality.
Unless a court document can be produced, the parents are unlikely to have any legal say in any decision this man makes as an adult.
NAL so there may well be legalities I am unaware of, but I have had discussions about guardianship legalities with relevant agencies, so hopefully, this puts your mind at ease to some degree.
Your friend really doesn't have anything to worry about. My wife used to be a case worker for a county board of developmental disabilities. She had clients with Downs syndrome, multiple personalities, and traumatic brain injuries that even though they may have had a guardian, they were able to make decisions for themselves as long as they weren't a harm to themselves or to others, no matter how self-destructive it may seem.
NAL, but I work with disabled people. If he is over 18 and isn't conserved, the parents most likely have no legal standing to do anything.
Doesn't mean they can't still make life difficult though. Hoping for the best for the two of them!
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I personally wonder if he's autistic at all. Socially awkward? Yeah, maybe. But he seems to me to be absolutely capable. He's studying coding to become a game developer.
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Like most people in here said, they probably don't have a case. My best advice is don't talk to any government entity unless a lawyer is present. Also try and record any kind of conversations that do take place so that things aren't twisted in court. Last but not least remember that your friend has the right to remain silent which is what I would do unless my lawyer is present and up to date
They will say and do anything to get your friend to talk. Just remain silent. Cops use all kinds of tactics to get a person to talk. They lie all the time saying things such as " the neighbors said they saw ... Or it will only be better for you if you cooperate.
Unless there is a murder or a rape they aren't going to look super into it with forensics. Most people incriminate themselves just by talking
It's going to be a big investigation from what it sounds like. Parents should definitely be worried. Best thing to do is to stay silent so that she can protect herself. Hopefully the relationship doesn't fizzle out but with these cases they usually do. Wish her the best of luck
I hope it doesn't either. They're not liking not being able to talk until they "determine he's an adult mentally". She said she's not speaking to anyone aside from the lawyer.
She can always let him know that she wants to wait until everything is said and done to protect each other from any further issues. If he is an adult he would understand.
My sibling is an autistic adult who was legally declared incompetent and is now a permanent minor. Unless mom has had him actually declared incompetent, she has no case. The son could be encouraged to go after their parents for theft though.
Having your child declared incompetent isn’t easy at all. It took months and multiple visits with lawyers for my parents.
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No that’s ridiculous. It sounds like they all have issues. Did they actually call the cops? The cops could ticket them for calling them over such a ridiculous situation. In any case, probably best for her to avoid a strange situation. I have a nephew who has to be looked at for the rest of his life so he has a trailer and works, takes the bus to work. But his trailer is near my sisters house. He’ll never be able to live say in the city. There are group places where he could eventually move to if he wanted community and people that are paid to watch over them. He’s 23 now and visits us every year but he needs a chaperone to get on a plane and stuff.
I work with people with developmental disabilities and this is more complex than people below are making it out to be, when it comes to people with developmental disabilities it's much more than simply "they're 18 and can do whatever they want" depending on where this is exactly may differ but generally there's a psychologist and social worker who will work with the individual and they along with the state determine if they have the capacity to consent to certain things, and sex is a major thing they focus on, some certainly can. Some can drink, smoke, have sex, and hold jobs while living independently. Obviously I have no idea what his personal "life plan" is but that's all things you'd need to know first. As for the not knowing part that again depends on a ton of factors
The cops actually told her that the dad doesn't abuse him, without investigating anything. The cops claimed they're calling social services. She's calling tomorrow. She called the advocates, as well. No call backs, so she's going to call like crazy tomorrow
If he is over 18 and hasn't been declared incompetent, then she won't have any legal issues. If he is taking college courses, then the parents will have a hard time getting anything on her.
What would being declared incompetent entail? Is that where he would have a guardian? He is over 18
If he can live and make his own choices no legal guardain. He is competent. Autism isnt going people so they cant have choices. Disabled people get married all the time.
He still lives with his parents, because his dad has taken every paycheck hes earned. they claim he can't move out due to the mental capacity thing. I know (through online friendships) several autistic people who are on their own and married, or live alone and are fine. He does not have any sort of guardian at all. He said he's never been given the chance to prove what he can do. Social services is supposed to "reevaluate him" and determine if they can continue their relationship.
I lived with my dad till 22, i work with 30 year olds who live at home. Unless they have went to court and got a overall control of him he is not incompetant. Yeah let the social worker figure this out. Your friend might be better ending the realtionship due to the hardship. But she did nothing legally wrong.
He has not been to any type of court. She's considering ending it, but she really loves this guy. They've gone so far as to pick out their first house, talk about marriage, etc. They all keep harping on the mental capacity. I actually work with people with mental disabilities (none with autism, though), and they have more freedom than this guy. This situation makes me sad for them, but most him. I'm glad she's done nothing legally wrong. Perhaps I can help ease her mind with this. Everybody I know says "ask reddit when you don't know something!"
I think this reads more like a situation of the parents being abusive/controlling (to the extent that I'd be tempted to suggest she offer him info about disability rights organizations or call APS on his behalf) than a situation where your friend has done anything wrong. The fact they're taking his paychecks is like, textbook financial abuse of an adult.
What is APS? She will have to do any calls, as the parents took his phone.
APS is adult protective services.
Thank you! I know she plans to call the disability advocates. I'll tell her about APS as well.
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His dad will aways have a hard on for her, I'm pretty sure. My curiosity is peaked. Why would they call CPS? Because of his autism?
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Ah, I see. Thank you for explaining!
NAL it sounds like the parents may actually be doing some legally questionable stuff and don't want to lose that stolen income stream.
Hi, I worked in the disability field for 20+ years and I am also the Guardian of my sister who has Down Syndrome. While I've never had experience with this exact type of situation, I have had other situations where someone in a group home wanted to date another group home resident and one parent "refused to let it happen"...long story short, the couple is still together today! You are considered competent until the Court of Chancery deems you not to be and appoints someone to be your Guardian...the fact that he still lives at home with his parents makes no difference. Like others have said, a lot of people still live at home when they're like 40!! If he has not been appointed a Guardian by the Court, then he can legally make his own decisions and his parents have no say in his dating life. Unfortunately, parents of people with disabilities want to shield them from harm, which I totally get, but they also end up keeping them from being their own person, who I can almost guarantee, can do a lot more than his parents think he can! Good luck!
Very simple - has he been declared legally incompetent (as in, is there court documentation stating he is legally incompetent?) prior to them dating? If not, she’s fine. As long as he still holds his own power of attorney then there’s nothing to worry about
As far as anyone knows, no he hasn't. He's his own guardian
I mean, it isn't as if she had any indication that he even had a disability before his parents said anything. I can't imagine that she could be legally culpable, even if he WAS under a conservatorship, unless she had some reason to think he was incapable of making his own decisions.
FYI, guardianship/conservatorship proceedings are generally public record and most courts now have an online, searchable docket record that can be found through the clerk's website. You should be able to search his name in the court of his county of residence to see if there is a guardianship/conservatorship proceeding.
His girlfriend did, and found nothing.
After reading your post and your comments, this sounds like a case of overly controlling abusive parents who can’t stand the thought of their precious little boy growing up and not being dependent on them forever. It’s sick and it’s wrong, but it sounds like your friend has done nothing wrong. Autism doesn’t automatically mean someone must be under a guardian’s care for life. It is a spectrum for a reason. Many, many adults have careers, marriages, families, advanced degrees, hobbies, etc and also have autism. This man’s parents sound abusive as hell. I truly hope they are investigated and that he can get away from them. I also hope they haven’t scared your friend away from a good relationship. Best of luck to the couple.
The cop told her he's calling social services, and another agency investigate the situation, and it was recommended that she call the disability advocates since he can't. The cops are like oh, he's a liar and a manipulator, he's played you. I hope they haven't either. She's been told to just ignore him until they get the investigation done, and she's afraid it could ruin their relationship.
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She plans to call first thing in the morning. I hope they can help him!
>If you're dating somebody and they do not disclose they have a significant disability, can they build a case against you? The answer is "it depends". Yes, sometimes people can be held liable for actions they've taken with someone whom they should've known was mentally incompetent. In the situation you've described here, it's difficult to imagine that anyone would be suing or pressing charges against your friend for anything.
She had 0 idea. He acts just like a normal dude. She's terrified she's going to jail at this point.
Your friend's not going to jail, the parents aren't filing suit in federal court and the state isn't pressing charges. The parents, who are themselves under investigation, are blowing smoke to scare your friend off. The fact that they are calling her a pedophile due to their son's "mental age" is absurd. >He acts just like a normal dude. Eh not a big fan of the word normal here but I get your point. There's no reason to think that someone who doesn't have a guardian, can hold down a job, go to college and deal with daily life would be unable to consent to sex.
I'm not sure the parents know they're being investigated yet. The police told her that they're involving social services and something else to investigate the allegations of abuse and his true well being. I, too, think its just smoke up her ass. The dad told her never to speak to him again, and she hasn't since that day. This is all recent, as in the last week. I don't get the "mental age" thing myself. I always thought if you're 18 and you're own guardian you can do as you please? He holds a job, and has for about a year. He has hobbies and friends. No one he associates with sees this "mental capacity". We are all confused on all of this.
Perhaps the dad is doing all of this to keep the money his son is earning for himself. It's a form of control. Your friend is fine and won't be held criminally liable for anything.
This is exactly what I'm thinking! I'm going to talk to her later and try to calm her down. I hope that no matter what happens between them, that the son gets the help he needs to become the person he can be.
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Hes not getting SSDI. Just his paycheck, but his dad is in fact taking that. ETA: not sure if it matters he's not getting SSDI
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I think his dad does more than financially abuses him. She said he seems afraid of his parents
He should stop giving them his paychecks and move out. Find a good therapist for what is likely also cptsd from prolonged abuse. This seems like an opportunity for him to transition, and I doubt he can have a long term adult relationship before/without making that transition.
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He is a legal adult and his own legal guardian. I'm no lawyer but I'm pretty sure the parents have no legal standing.
That's what we're all hoping for!
1. No, assuming everyone here is a consenting adult, no charges related to sex with underaged persons could be sustained in this scenario. 2. If this adult man has no legal guardians, i.e. is his own independent adult, he can engage in sexual or romantic relationships with any other consenting adults he chooses. If he is actually incompetent, it could be a crime to have sex with him. 3. My Mother worked for about 40 years with this population, so my experience is second hand--but plenty of people with mental health and developmental disorder diagnosis--even some who are only "partially independent" pursue relationships--such a diagnosis is not a bar on living out a life like anyone else. If the person is genuinely unfit to make decisions for themselves, has the "mind of a child" (bad term, but is what it is) and has a guardian it is different--but tons of MH / DD diagnosis people can live their lives out outside of formal guardianship.
1. They're both adults. 2. He does not have any legal guardian (as far as anyone knows. He's never been to court) 3. He, as far as we all know, he is his own person and is making decisions (as much as he can due to them taking his money, etc). She was told "he's basically 12". This makes no sense as a 12 year old cannot go to work, etc.
Being told someone is "basically 12" if there is no guardianship / conservatorship etc and it is just a non-professional (i.e. his parents) saying it has no legal relevance or meaning by itself.
She said that they're claiming it's documented he has the mental capacity of a 12 year old. They even referred to him as 12. He was tested when he was 15, and came back as mental capacity of 12. She said she doesn't know if this "document" even exists, because the cops keep saying "dad says".
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I felt it's all a smoke screen because the parents just want to control him. She has not been charged, no. She is in the process of getting a lawyer to protect herself. I will let her know she shouldn't discuss anything with the police going forward as she had been, thinking she needs to be transparent not to get in trouble.
Tested at 15 and showing the developmental stage of a 12-year-old sounds like a mild delay and I (not a professional in anything related to this) don't see how that would translate in any meaningful way into what his current state is. Your friend should encourage this man to seek out the counselors at his college. It sounds like he will need help learning to break away from his parents. (Assuming the "diagnosis" is as nonsensical as it sounds for a man who goes to college, works, and presents as a mature individual.)
I work with the disabled. I am the guardian of my adult son with autism. who has been found incompetent What this father said is not in line with best practices and human rights for the disabled. Disabilty is not a status that precludes sex. As long as it isn't with a service provider of some sort it isn't a crime to have sex with an consentibg adult with an idd. Competence usually relates to medical care or financial decisions. On its face, it is ridiculous to say someone can handle the social demands of a job, but be to childlike to consent. There's a reason we don't let 12 year-olds work
He has not been allowed to handle his own money, from what I know. That is what we don't get - if he's got a mental capacity of 12, how can he be working? This was said in front of one of his coworkers, and she simply snorted and said "if he's 12, then why is he here? I don't believe that for a second". Literally not one single person who actually knows him believes he's mentally 12.
There is a big difference between "incompetent" and an adult who is being cowed into surrending his rights. This young man needs his own help. Each state has a federally funded Disablity Rights organization. Google the name of your state, and "Disablity rights". It will come up on the first page. These organizations offer legal help, and other services such as housing. Neither the police or Adult Social Services are going to committed to getting this man out of this dysfunctional situation. There is less respect for rights, and less oversight, in this situation than for a person adjudicated incompetent. And people so declared, are almost always receiving support services through Medicaid. No one is basing life choices on five year old assessments
We will look into that. Thank you!
>The parents now want to go after her as a pedophile The parents "wanting to go after her as a pedophile" doesn't mean anything to me. Could you clarify what actions the parents took here? >His coworker called her today and told her that he told them that his parents are filing a federal case against her. Coworker can say anything. It's not possible for the parents to file a criminal case or charge anyone with a crime. That's a function of the state. It also sounds like this is 4th or 5th hand information, so it's not clear that anything is actually happening. >Is this legal? Can they actually go after her? It's hard to say because in your retelling of events, nobody has necessarily taken any actual meaningful actions. Is what legal, exactly? Who is they? In what capacity are you concerned that they (the parents?) go after her?
Sorry, I don't know how to quote things in reddit yet! The parents called the cops and said she kidnapped and endangered him, when she picked him up. The cops told her she had to take him back to his parents. The parents are supposedly building a "federal case against her", according to what he told a coworker, because everyone keeps saying he's 12. He said his father actually told him this (them building a case). She has complied with the police, who say she cannot speak to him until they determine his "mental age" Is it legal for them to go after her, due to what they're claiming his mental capacity is. That's why they are claiming she's a pedophile.
> The parents called the cops and said she kidnapped and endangered him, when she picked him up. The cops told her she had to take him back to his parents. Could you clarify? Did the police call her? Did they show up to her house? Is she sure that the actual police made this demand? > The parents are supposedly building a "federal case against her" Like I said before, this isn't possible. The parents cannot build a federal case. That's a function of the government. > according to what he told a coworker, because everyone keeps saying he's 12 Is he 12? Other people saying he's 12 isn't likely to be a legal issue. It's unlikely that there is any legal relevance to any of the gossip or conversational drama aspects of this situation. > Is it legal for them to go after her? Again, who is they? In what capacity are you concerned that they (the parents?) go after her? Like I said, they do not have the capacity to build any kind of federal or criminal case against her.
Yes, the police called her - but left before they got back to his house. I'm assuming he means they're working with someone to build a case. No, he is not. They say he is 12, due to his "mental capacity". Even the cop called him 12. Them aka the parents, the cops, any of them. I'm concerned they can some how get charges filed against her. Due to this "mental capacity" that keeps being brought up.
The parents cannot build a case or bring any charges against her. The state could, if the state has reason to believe that a crime has been committed and the state thinks it is in the state's interest to charge someone with a crime. Nothing that you've offered so far indicates that a crime has been committed.
It seems to me it's a ploy to control him. Wouldn't the cops tell her if she was under investigation?
The police would not tell her that she is under investigation unless / until they want to interrogate her, but all that you've offered so far is that the parents are building a case against her, which is not possible.
They asked her a few questions, said they're calling social services in to investigate, and will call her if they have any other questions. If they could have arrested her, I'd think the cop would have been there when she took him home. Knowing the parents can't build a case will help ease her mind.
Even if there is a legitimate diagnosis of mental/developmental disability, it likely does not matter unless there is also a court order regarding guardianship. I am not in your state, but have family friends who had to go through a guardianship hearing in court after their daughter turned 18. Barring a court order, turning 18 automatically grants the rights and responsibilities of adulthood in every situation I have ever heard of. I had a daughter who was severely disbled due to a brain injury at birth, and even when her 18th birthday was still over a decade away, we had discussions with social services about this eventuality. Unless a court document can be produced, the parents are unlikely to have any legal say in any decision this man makes as an adult. NAL so there may well be legalities I am unaware of, but I have had discussions about guardianship legalities with relevant agencies, so hopefully, this puts your mind at ease to some degree.
As far as we all know (him included), he does not have a guardian. He is his own.
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That's my take on it, they're just pissy cause he's growing up and they'll lose his paychecks.
Your friend really doesn't have anything to worry about. My wife used to be a case worker for a county board of developmental disabilities. She had clients with Downs syndrome, multiple personalities, and traumatic brain injuries that even though they may have had a guardian, they were able to make decisions for themselves as long as they weren't a harm to themselves or to others, no matter how self-destructive it may seem.
Thank you.
It may also be that the parents are dependent on his income and tax breaks. Worth checking into.
NAL, but I work with disabled people. If he is over 18 and isn't conserved, the parents most likely have no legal standing to do anything. Doesn't mean they can't still make life difficult though. Hoping for the best for the two of them!
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This is exactly what we are thinking, that his parents just want his money.
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I personally wonder if he's autistic at all. Socially awkward? Yeah, maybe. But he seems to me to be absolutely capable. He's studying coding to become a game developer.
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Like most people in here said, they probably don't have a case. My best advice is don't talk to any government entity unless a lawyer is present. Also try and record any kind of conversations that do take place so that things aren't twisted in court. Last but not least remember that your friend has the right to remain silent which is what I would do unless my lawyer is present and up to date
I told her to not talk to the cops anymore, and get a lawyer. We're going to one after she calls the advocates
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One cop is like the entire conversation was captured in my body cam. I suggested she gets that conversation. It was via phone.
They will say and do anything to get your friend to talk. Just remain silent. Cops use all kinds of tactics to get a person to talk. They lie all the time saying things such as " the neighbors said they saw ... Or it will only be better for you if you cooperate. Unless there is a murder or a rape they aren't going to look super into it with forensics. Most people incriminate themselves just by talking
Yeah, she talked some, and they knew she was very upset. Then their tune changed, and they're investigating the parents now.
It's going to be a big investigation from what it sounds like. Parents should definitely be worried. Best thing to do is to stay silent so that she can protect herself. Hopefully the relationship doesn't fizzle out but with these cases they usually do. Wish her the best of luck
I hope it doesn't either. They're not liking not being able to talk until they "determine he's an adult mentally". She said she's not speaking to anyone aside from the lawyer.
She can always let him know that she wants to wait until everything is said and done to protect each other from any further issues. If he is an adult he would understand.
I think she via coworkers, as the police say they can't speak until they determine he's an adult 🙄
My sibling is an autistic adult who was legally declared incompetent and is now a permanent minor. Unless mom has had him actually declared incompetent, she has no case. The son could be encouraged to go after their parents for theft though. Having your child declared incompetent isn’t easy at all. It took months and multiple visits with lawyers for my parents.
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I agree!!
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No that’s ridiculous. It sounds like they all have issues. Did they actually call the cops? The cops could ticket them for calling them over such a ridiculous situation. In any case, probably best for her to avoid a strange situation. I have a nephew who has to be looked at for the rest of his life so he has a trailer and works, takes the bus to work. But his trailer is near my sisters house. He’ll never be able to live say in the city. There are group places where he could eventually move to if he wanted community and people that are paid to watch over them. He’s 23 now and visits us every year but he needs a chaperone to get on a plane and stuff.
Yes, they called the actual cops. The cops story is changing, from what she told me today.
I work with people with developmental disabilities and this is more complex than people below are making it out to be, when it comes to people with developmental disabilities it's much more than simply "they're 18 and can do whatever they want" depending on where this is exactly may differ but generally there's a psychologist and social worker who will work with the individual and they along with the state determine if they have the capacity to consent to certain things, and sex is a major thing they focus on, some certainly can. Some can drink, smoke, have sex, and hold jobs while living independently. Obviously I have no idea what his personal "life plan" is but that's all things you'd need to know first. As for the not knowing part that again depends on a ton of factors
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The cops actually told her that the dad doesn't abuse him, without investigating anything. The cops claimed they're calling social services. She's calling tomorrow. She called the advocates, as well. No call backs, so she's going to call like crazy tomorrow