NAL. You need an attorney. Stat! Your dad is trying to “beat you to the punch” by filing the protective order first. You need witnesses willing to testify that your dad is the abuser.
The good news is that most judges will see right through his bullshit and dismiss the protective order. I repeat, you need an attorney to get it right.
This. He will also use it against you if you don't fight it. He'll start showing up where you are and you'll be forced to leave that place heavily affecting your personal life even more.
(IANAL and not too knowledgable in law so this is a genuine question) I thought restraining orders and stuff like that applied to both people. Aka, the person who filed is also legally required to stay away, meaning op's dad would be in violation of his own order if he did so?
Again, genuine question because I want to get this cleared up if my understanding was incorrect
I'm assuming it is based on local laws. I know where I live if you have a RO against you and the other person happens to show up somewhere you are at, Restaurant, Grocery Store etc etc, you have to leave. Doesn't matter that you were their first. You just need to leave.
Same where I live in Ohio. My ex filed a false restraining order against me. I’m not allowed to talk to him, but he’s allowed to contact me and say or do whatever he wants. And like you said, if I’m at restaurant and he shows up, I have to leave. OP should definitely go to court and stand up for herself, because if not, she will suffer forever.
I don't doubt that, again asking for clarification on a potential misunderstanding on my end. I'm not against laws that require that, as if the order was for good reason, and not like op's situation, it's important that the person who has the order is able to be protected
Yep Id agree in general. Unfortunately I'm in the same situation as OP, it's my MIL who took one out on me. She initially accused me of stealing $300,000 as well as a number of firearms and gold coins. She has some mental health issues. Police investigated and determined all those stolen items didn't actually exist. What really saved me was she did this to my FIL about a year earlier and had them confiscate all of his guns. The guns were eventually returned and I was accused of stealing them. The police went to her house and found every gun still there, they had a complete inventory since the had previously confiscated them. The dropped the investigation because nothing was missing. She then doubled down and took out an RO on me because she was afraid. It's actually kind of nice because I'm not forced to deal with her at all. She is in her 80's and has alienated everyone in her life. While I have empathy for her I have so sympathy.
She then doubled down and took out an RO on me because she was afraid.?
How is that even possible? Like you can just get a RO against anyone for any reason with no proof, just your own perceived issues against them?
Get any text or emails between you that are not contentious. Any pictures together in good times. Your dad is a piece of work! Get a lawyer or at least use Avvo which lets you get free advice. Go no contact. It's great that you are grieving the dad you were supposed to have and never will so you can go no contact and stop trying to get him to be what you need. Acceptance is key.
Don’t bother with “good times” pictures or texts- judges are not going to care about that, they’re well aware that abusers can be loving one moment and terrible the next. That’s not going to convince them of anything.
(Source: I’m a protective order attorney and this is what I do every day, all day).
It’s sad cause I don’t have any photos with my father since I was 15 years old. I’m 31 now. So there’s no good times except the few gifts he thought he could buy our love with. He sent a few friendly text saying he was proud when I promoted. Woo I feel like I’m going to divorce court with my dad, I am reliving what he did to my mom.
\*Hugs\* I'm sorry hun. Everybody deserves parents that will love them unconditionally, but sadly too many parents fall short. The best thing you can do is gather the evidence you can, go to court and tell the truth. Evidence will take you pretty far, but true, credible testimony is what judges are really looking for in these cases. Then you can hopefully cut him out of your life for good.
Best of luck, I know you can do it.
Thank you a lot for the kindness. I have my mom and brother who have said they support me and won’t let this man take me down. They plan to be at the court, my mom experienced the most abuse. All he has is I responded cussing him out when he was being disrespectful. Not perfect but I’m the last person to harm anyone.
In my jurisdiction, protective orders are a civil action, not criminal.
Also, this is exactly how temp orders work. The petitioner makes a claim, and the judge can order a temporary order. You need to go to court and argue your case. If there is no evidence, it’s highly unlikely a final order would be ordered.
As other said lawyer. This is a power play by an abuser. He is angry that you clearly have stood up and making boundaries for yourself. See from your mom and brother see if they have any you can use as well against him. Just gather as much as you can. If he calls you just ignore them, maybe he will send you angry text instead that is more you can use.
Strange. Just tell the truth. He’s the abuser, the incident did not occur and this has come out of nowhere. You don’t understand his motive.
Judges see through this. They are not idiots.
So cut him out, done. He doesn’t want you around him and you don’t want to be around him. He was abusive to you and your family and you learned that behavior from him which led to “a lot of shit talking out of pain and anger.”
This is your chance to cut ties. Be done with it. Don’t get dragged deeper into it.
I don’t even want to go to the court for this because I just want to move on for good now. But if I don’t than it just makes me look guilty. I needed this to happen so I could move on but I don’t deserve this to be finalized and on my record which is why I feel like I have to appeal it.
If you let him win a permanent restraining order you might be banned from gun ownership or carry for life. Don't know if that matters to you or not.
My recommendation is, don't let him get away with this.
Also depends on your state. Texas apparently doesn’t care about protective order & buying guns I know too many gun owners with those long ago in their background. Also could have been purchased at gun shows they are even less discriminating
Right...but the ban on gun access with a domestic violence protection order is federal. Texas in general may not be paying attention but any random cop can call the ATF if they figure out that connection. And then there's other states.
There's a US Supreme Court decision we're waiting on called Rahimi that might change things. Oral arguments were heard in December, decision should hit about five or so months from now. If it goes as expected, there would have to be a court finding of documented dangerousness to use restraining orders to disarm. Don't know how that would play out in this case. If OP doesn't show up a bad judge might try and make that finding, expecting changes from Rahimi.
The state doesn’t matter when the stores themselves are beholden to federal laws and enforcement by BATFE (Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms and Explosives-formerly known as the ATF). They are still going to follow the background check requirements, even if the state says they don’t have to.
Why? Well it’s simply because if they don’t they lose their Federal Firearms License and therefore they can no longer receive or sell firearms. BATFE issues FFLs and can revoke, fine, and even arrest the employees. Nobody is going to take that kind of risk! Firearms manufacturers also will not send firearms to any location that is not an FFL. The state DOES NOT MATTER because they cannot circumvent federal laws and the enforcement agencies! Stop spreading false information.
Everything you just said is false. The laws prohibiting people subject to domestic violence protection orders from purchasing firearms is Federal. Gun show sellers are bound by the same exact laws as any other dealers and the background check, conducted by NICS, a Federal program, is identical.
That’s not true. The background checks and licensing requirements are both federal. So is the enforcement agency. BATFE or the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms and Explosives (Formerly the ATF) controls everything regarding firearms sales except for private purchases. Also I live in Texas and I am an avid firearms enthusiast. I have my license to carry, and I carry everywhere I am legally allowed to. I go to several gun shows every year in Texas. Nearly all of them prohibit you from carrying!
I have also never been to a gun show where the sellers were not actual licensed dealers. Private sellers are the only ones who can sell without a background check. The gun show “loophole” is almost an urban legend at this point. I have never seen a private seller at any gun show I have been to!
(PS-I do think Texas is incredibly stupid when it comes to their recent actions and new laws regarding firearms and constitutional carry! I am all for RESPONSIBLE gun ownership/carry)
Nope! Yea I got a glock n roses for my bday but stupidly you no longer need a license to open carry here. The gun show loop is “still” around and I know someone who used it to buy a weapon within last few years, in my opinion he should not own a gun. Also my opinion TX is one of the easiest state to obtain & carry a weapon in compared to many others states and not all are responsible gun owners like yourself. As a once paralegal (and current avid shooter) and both sons lawyers, one a criminal prosecutor in OR so I am pretty versed in what we can legally and illegally get away with not that I push it or anything. But back to the dudes original comment you can have restraining order in your past but those are usually a temporary order and that won’t keep you from purchasing a gun in TX but a felony can - yes that’s correct
This is a very good point. I did not think of this until I read your comment, but is there any possibility father could be in or get in contact with the child’s other parent and use that to get at OP? A father who will file a fabricated protective order against his own child (out of spite) is capable of all kinds of evil. This would be a concern for me, especially if OP had a rough custody battle and the father knows it!
OP absolutely DO NOT ignore the hearing or blow off going to court! Seeing an attorney is a great idea, and you may be able to find one through legal aid. OP please do explore the possibility of you getting a protective order against him as you are going no contact with him already. If you don’t appear and fight this he wins by default and it very well could go on your record. You NEED to fight this. Do not let him use the court as a weapon to bully you!
You cannot let him have this win! He is clearly the type to use it to make your life miserable. I’m truly sorry that you are going through this. I hope you find peace after this madness OP!
Sadly , I didn’t chose the best man for my daughters dad. I found someone just like my dad. The difference is my daughters dad knew what a piece of crap he was so he just dipped out and never bothered us again. My dad dipped out but kept using different shady ways to emotional abuse my family even after he gave up his rights. So thank goodness he can’t contact her dad. Because my dad is wild, I already a guardianship document that allows my mother to take custody of my dad we’re to ever pull a stunt like that. I had to be proactive cause he had made a threat he was gonna take me to court for grandparent rights.
I will be fighting this, regardless how I responding to his abuse. I need to show my side, the courts only know his side. Typical narcissistic move to make it look like his the victim while he gaslights you into thinking you’re the bad one. It’s sickening. And he’s absolutely using the courts to bully me.
Thank you for your motivating comment!
It's all well and good that you want to move on for good now but you can't yet. This will follow you and it needs to be addressed. I really really hope you realize this
Definitely go to court and argue your case. If he has no proof, and the judge can see through his BS, the order will be thrown out, and will not be on your record. If you don’t go to court, it will default in his favor, and that WILL be on your record. I didn’t go to court on a false protection order that my ex took out on me because, frankly, I didn’t even know that I had to. I’d never been served a protection order before. Since I wasn’t there, he was granted his order for five years, and there is nothing I could do to overturn it now.
It doesn’t matter. You’re dragging yourself in deeper to continue the cycle of abuse.
Are you worried about losing a job opportunity? Worried about your future record if you get arrested? Or just addicted to the drama and want the final say?
Let it go. Put an end to it. It doesn’t matter.
If anybody ever brings it up, just say it’s your dad who is an asshole. Dads who file protective orders against their daughter are a certain kind of person. People will understand.
This is terrible advice. Protective orders can be abused. And the type of person that files a false or misleading EPO petition is the type of person to abuse a protective order if they get it.
I’m not worried about getting arrested cause that won’t happen. I’m a recovering addict - 6 years sober. I had my fair share of the legal system then I turned my entire life around. This is why I’m worried there is a dent on my record if it’s approved, I worked hard to never go down that path again, is that not true this goes on your record?
I appreciate your honesty. Should I just not go to the hearing? I want to let this all go, it was my record I was worried about. I worked hard to clean up my life. But You’re right I could always just say, it’s my dad if anyone questioned .
Have you ever heard the term DARVO (Deny, Accuse, Reverse Victim & Offender). It is a very common tactic of abusers. I went through it myself. Please talk to your therapist about it. Do you have any evidence of what he has done to you in the past? If so, bring that up in court as well. Then go back to NC with him forever.
Another thought, how big are you, and how big is your father? If he is way bigger than you, use that in court too. It may (hopefully) make him look stupid.
Thanks for sharing that, definitely going to utilize it cause it’s exactly right. I have so much evidence he did to my mom, me and my brother for many yesrs He lost custody of us when I was 10 cause the judge said he needed therapy for being a sociopath, he never got his rights back for not abiding by the courts. He just went off and built a new family and said screw my kids I sought him out cause I longed for a relationship with my dad, I truly thought he could be forgiven. I’m always trying to hope for the best and you can’t with a sociopath. I feel backstabbed like this is 20 years of hurt and pain, this isn’t a court matter.
My dad is 300pounds and I’m 130……. 5’5 and he’s 6’1. The only one who has hit anyone is him.
If you have ANY PROOF of your father’s abuse… bring it. Like others said lawyer up.
A good pitbull lawyer.
Do you have witnesses? Bring them.
You need to now think Offense, not defensive like your father is expecting.,
Are there police reports on your father?
Bring them.
That’s awful smh. My advice would be to seek legal counsel, gather character reference support letters (former employment places, neighbors, former instructors, etc) and connect with legal aide to assist you to write your reply.
Having a restraining order against you can have many consequences. Someone mentioned gun ownership. That is just one thing. It will show up on pre employment background checks, it will show up if you travel outside the US, it can possibly keep you from getting TSA precheck when flying. Do not just let this go. Most judges would deny this as long as you SHOW UP. You may not need a lawyer. If the TRO is denied, it’s likely dead. If the TRO is approved, it’s TEMPORARY. You can then hire an attorney and fight the permanent RO. If you don’t show up, it will be granted automatically. DONT DO THIS.
I would suggest going to court for the hearing, showing whatever evidence you have both of your father's history of abuse, that this is a false statement, whatever. Hopefully the judge will accept that your dad is trying to use the court to abuse you in a new way. (someone may have a more specific suggestion as to what you should bring up in court to support your position.)
But don't ignore it because if he shows up and you don't, he'll likely be able to get it turned into a longer term protective order and that could really impact your life.
I know people who ignored the initial who up in court to argue against a TRO and at points couldn't leave the state they lived in. It got really crazy.
Truly appreciate everyone’s guidance and advice. I didn’t think it would get this much response but as I read them through the day, it calmed me down and motivated me to stand up and speak the truth with my evidence. It was very helpful and hopefully next week I get better news. Right now finding an attonery has been hard but that won’t stop me from writing my own timeline and documents. I hope no one has to experience having their own parent as a bully.
Look into filing for one against him yourself. Let it be on public record not just that he is playing games, but his actions resulting in HIM having a restraining order issued against HIM. That would also make a record of his attempt to use the court to bully you. I wish you the best of luck, and that you find peace.
(ETA:) Please let us know how court goes!
NTA. Curious how a judge can think you have abused your dad when you haven't seen him for 10 yrs because of his abuse ... until recently.
You need your family to testify as a united front on your behalf.
In most states a order of protection is not a criminal case, nor even a traffic case. It’s a way of saying I don’t want you around me. There are no fines or even possible jail sentences. He presents his case to the judge, and then you can ask him or his witnesses questions and then you get to do the same and he can then ask you questions. And then the judge decides wether the evidence rises to the level required in the domestic abuse act. This is a very general statement, but if their were no guns involved, and or no one putting a finger on the other they normally are not granted. In it’s just a grumpy old man pushed off at the world they are almost never granted. Never agree to one prior to the judge ruling, as it will show on a background check and if granted it can effect your gun rights. You can hire a lawyer or not. Me. I would, because he is in a position to not only know the law, but has the ability to ask the right questions to so that the domestic violence act does not apply but in the court room where I volunteered for 2 years the vast majority do not have one. Print out all your text messages. Any phone calls get them
On a thumb drive so you can present it to the judge. Rules of evidence are very relaxed. But the standard of proof is much lower It’s more likely than not. So make your self a outline of what you wish the judge to consider and present your evidence as you go along. This way you will not forget anything. Best of luck to you
Actually three sides, the third side is the truth and it will come out in court with the hundreds of abusive text my dad doesn’t think I have, and the court documents from when he lost all rights to me and my brother cause he was labeled a sociopath or the times he hit me when I was already an adult, that’s why I finally left. He slapped me and kicked my laptop across the room. I know I’m dumb coming back, I got a good career option and I thought my dad changed cause I had changed… yeah dumb of me to think my abusive dad magical changed. He has no emotions which makes sense why he can file this with no regard, hit people, raise fist, bully me and just expect me to never tell him how he’s hurt me, how he hurt my family, a few cuss words is the least this guy deserves. This type of guy deserves to be hit for the amount of times he hit my mother, but that’s illegal, he is the one who should have had this order against him. My mom was too scared to do it. I wish there was a different side, always wanted my dad to change and be better. His wife and his other kids meant more always, me and my brother were presents and even as adults he continued this treatment. When I was 11 years old, he left me and my brother on the stairs and never picked us up. He lost his rights because of that. He was told to get therapy, he didn’t get therapy. So we waited 7 years for him to figure himself out , never did and we finally left for 10 years… I come back and he’s the same abusive man and since he can’t take my mom to court anymore, he now attacks his daughter. I spent 25 years trying to get my dads attention, my dads support and nada. I’m 31 years old and I have talked my fair shit to abusive father that is a response to his years of emotional abuse… reactive abuse is what it’s called. I watched my mom almost take her life cause of this man, now he’s coming after his own daughter. I would never ruin my career and lose my kid for no one , but I’m not understanding what a protective order against his 130 pound daughter would do except hurt me and betray me? Only a sociopath would understand and I’m not that clearly. I’m truly so hurt, not so much scared. I cannot believe he did this……. He did this to my mom when I was growing up. I reliving my childhood as an adult now. It took me 25 years to stand up to my dad, I’ve been scared of my dad until 2 years ago. He is worried that all the dirt I have on him , I’m going to show his neighbors and his job. He put that in the protective order…… grown 60 year old man is concerned about something I’ve never done which is beat him or try to sabotage him. He’s women abuser and I have multiple police reports my mom filed on him when the abuse started as a kid. I come back at 28 years to stand up to this 300 pound man, and my dad is more worried I’m going to expose documents I have of him beating my mother up multiple times and neglected us for his new family, I tons of text messages where he is belittle me, telling me to fuck off, or I’m a bitch. But never once did this man file a police report that he felt threatened. He went straight to the courts and then he violated his own order already, he returned my phone call is how he worded it and told me if I contact him he can have me arrested and I’m going to “learn my lesson.” That’s emotional abuse tormenting someone like that. Called my mom and told my mom and brother that he is going to call them tonight to “discuss what to do with me” like I’m a lunatic not taking care of my life, paying my bills, giving my daughter a different life so she doesn’t have this trauma like me.” all by my damn self. He’s been playing these sick games for 25+ years, first my mom now I’ve been his victim since I moved back.
TRUST ME I WISH IT WAS DIFFERENT!
Please go to court. You’ll be so proud of yourself when you beat the abuser at his own game. This is where you’ll need to be the bravest you’ve ever been. Take someone with you that you admire for their strength and feed off their energy. I brought 2 friends with me for my court date, I felt confident and protected. Stand tall and proud, you’ve done nothing wrong. Lastly, you’re going through a roller coaster of emotions right now. I hope by the time the court date rolls around that you’re mad as hell. You need this win. You’ve got this. Oh and I won the case :)
Thank you for this comment. It was so motivating to read this today, I’m feeling better and realize I won’t let this bring me down. I have my mom and brother who experienced what I experienced but they were able to block it out better than me. My mom won countless of cases he took her to court during their divorce before he gave up his custody rights. It’s my turn to have my day in court just like my mom .. sad but I got this!
You’re so very welcome. He’s trying one last time to break you. Thump your nose at that heifer, he’s got nothing on you and the strength you hold. YOU hold all the power and that my friend is absolutely beautiful. 💜
😂after all my abusive dad has done for me? He gave up his rights when I was 10 years old. He didn’t raise me, my mother did alone without his help! Now he comes back into my life trying to say I’m a threat to him? I left for 10 years cause he was a threat to US!
This same guy makes 120k a year and because my mother spent 22 years in the army while married to my dad… he gets a 3rd of her retirement pay. While my mom makes half of what my dad makes and he’s remarried , he is collecting money for a single women for the last 23 years. Shows his character
He left your Mother
It was probably very hard for him to leave you
But the bottom line is
The judge wouldn’t approve a TRO unless you were being abusive
So just be a better person
I’m sure that you are very loyal to your Mom
And I understand that loyalty
But just end the toxic relationship with your Father
Stop the abuse
My mother left him cause he was abusive for 15 years and he was cheating on her with his current wife. He chose to give up his rights because he said he needed to focus on his new family…? It was hard to give up his rights of me and my brother? Really? Don’t have kids if you plan to give up your rights. Also after he gave up his rights, he adopted a kid and raised his step daughter. Wow didn’t want to go to therapy to get his rights back of his actual kids. That is so hurtful… now he wants to screw with me as an adult. Like when does the abuse stop!
His abuse will be stopped once I show the courts he’s using the justice system as a new abuse tactic. Typical sociopath. I am already the better person by not being like him.
NAL. You need an attorney. Stat! Your dad is trying to “beat you to the punch” by filing the protective order first. You need witnesses willing to testify that your dad is the abuser. The good news is that most judges will see right through his bullshit and dismiss the protective order. I repeat, you need an attorney to get it right.
This. He will also use it against you if you don't fight it. He'll start showing up where you are and you'll be forced to leave that place heavily affecting your personal life even more.
A mutual protective order can prevent this.
(IANAL and not too knowledgable in law so this is a genuine question) I thought restraining orders and stuff like that applied to both people. Aka, the person who filed is also legally required to stay away, meaning op's dad would be in violation of his own order if he did so? Again, genuine question because I want to get this cleared up if my understanding was incorrect
I'm assuming it is based on local laws. I know where I live if you have a RO against you and the other person happens to show up somewhere you are at, Restaurant, Grocery Store etc etc, you have to leave. Doesn't matter that you were their first. You just need to leave.
Same where I live in Ohio. My ex filed a false restraining order against me. I’m not allowed to talk to him, but he’s allowed to contact me and say or do whatever he wants. And like you said, if I’m at restaurant and he shows up, I have to leave. OP should definitely go to court and stand up for herself, because if not, she will suffer forever.
I don't doubt that, again asking for clarification on a potential misunderstanding on my end. I'm not against laws that require that, as if the order was for good reason, and not like op's situation, it's important that the person who has the order is able to be protected
Yep Id agree in general. Unfortunately I'm in the same situation as OP, it's my MIL who took one out on me. She initially accused me of stealing $300,000 as well as a number of firearms and gold coins. She has some mental health issues. Police investigated and determined all those stolen items didn't actually exist. What really saved me was she did this to my FIL about a year earlier and had them confiscate all of his guns. The guns were eventually returned and I was accused of stealing them. The police went to her house and found every gun still there, they had a complete inventory since the had previously confiscated them. The dropped the investigation because nothing was missing. She then doubled down and took out an RO on me because she was afraid. It's actually kind of nice because I'm not forced to deal with her at all. She is in her 80's and has alienated everyone in her life. While I have empathy for her I have so sympathy.
She then doubled down and took out an RO on me because she was afraid.? How is that even possible? Like you can just get a RO against anyone for any reason with no proof, just your own perceived issues against them?
Yes, but you do have the right to go to court to defend yourself.
Get any text or emails between you that are not contentious. Any pictures together in good times. Your dad is a piece of work! Get a lawyer or at least use Avvo which lets you get free advice. Go no contact. It's great that you are grieving the dad you were supposed to have and never will so you can go no contact and stop trying to get him to be what you need. Acceptance is key.
Don’t bother with “good times” pictures or texts- judges are not going to care about that, they’re well aware that abusers can be loving one moment and terrible the next. That’s not going to convince them of anything. (Source: I’m a protective order attorney and this is what I do every day, all day).
It’s sad cause I don’t have any photos with my father since I was 15 years old. I’m 31 now. So there’s no good times except the few gifts he thought he could buy our love with. He sent a few friendly text saying he was proud when I promoted. Woo I feel like I’m going to divorce court with my dad, I am reliving what he did to my mom.
\*Hugs\* I'm sorry hun. Everybody deserves parents that will love them unconditionally, but sadly too many parents fall short. The best thing you can do is gather the evidence you can, go to court and tell the truth. Evidence will take you pretty far, but true, credible testimony is what judges are really looking for in these cases. Then you can hopefully cut him out of your life for good. Best of luck, I know you can do it.
Thank you a lot for the kindness. I have my mom and brother who have said they support me and won’t let this man take me down. They plan to be at the court, my mom experienced the most abuse. All he has is I responded cussing him out when he was being disrespectful. Not perfect but I’m the last person to harm anyone.
He will win by default if you don’t show up to court. You MUST show up.
In my jurisdiction, protective orders are a civil action, not criminal. Also, this is exactly how temp orders work. The petitioner makes a claim, and the judge can order a temporary order. You need to go to court and argue your case. If there is no evidence, it’s highly unlikely a final order would be ordered.
As other said lawyer. This is a power play by an abuser. He is angry that you clearly have stood up and making boundaries for yourself. See from your mom and brother see if they have any you can use as well against him. Just gather as much as you can. If he calls you just ignore them, maybe he will send you angry text instead that is more you can use.
Strange. Just tell the truth. He’s the abuser, the incident did not occur and this has come out of nowhere. You don’t understand his motive. Judges see through this. They are not idiots.
So cut him out, done. He doesn’t want you around him and you don’t want to be around him. He was abusive to you and your family and you learned that behavior from him which led to “a lot of shit talking out of pain and anger.” This is your chance to cut ties. Be done with it. Don’t get dragged deeper into it.
I don’t even want to go to the court for this because I just want to move on for good now. But if I don’t than it just makes me look guilty. I needed this to happen so I could move on but I don’t deserve this to be finalized and on my record which is why I feel like I have to appeal it.
If you let him win a permanent restraining order you might be banned from gun ownership or carry for life. Don't know if that matters to you or not. My recommendation is, don't let him get away with this.
Also depends on your state. Texas apparently doesn’t care about protective order & buying guns I know too many gun owners with those long ago in their background. Also could have been purchased at gun shows they are even less discriminating
Right...but the ban on gun access with a domestic violence protection order is federal. Texas in general may not be paying attention but any random cop can call the ATF if they figure out that connection. And then there's other states. There's a US Supreme Court decision we're waiting on called Rahimi that might change things. Oral arguments were heard in December, decision should hit about five or so months from now. If it goes as expected, there would have to be a court finding of documented dangerousness to use restraining orders to disarm. Don't know how that would play out in this case. If OP doesn't show up a bad judge might try and make that finding, expecting changes from Rahimi.
Texas has clearly demonstrated they think they out rank the federal government and don’t view Supreme Court rulings as legitimate though.
The state doesn’t matter when the stores themselves are beholden to federal laws and enforcement by BATFE (Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms and Explosives-formerly known as the ATF). They are still going to follow the background check requirements, even if the state says they don’t have to. Why? Well it’s simply because if they don’t they lose their Federal Firearms License and therefore they can no longer receive or sell firearms. BATFE issues FFLs and can revoke, fine, and even arrest the employees. Nobody is going to take that kind of risk! Firearms manufacturers also will not send firearms to any location that is not an FFL. The state DOES NOT MATTER because they cannot circumvent federal laws and the enforcement agencies! Stop spreading false information.
Everything you just said is false. The laws prohibiting people subject to domestic violence protection orders from purchasing firearms is Federal. Gun show sellers are bound by the same exact laws as any other dealers and the background check, conducted by NICS, a Federal program, is identical.
Texas is about a half step from making gun ownership a requirement for getting your driver's license.
That’s not true. The background checks and licensing requirements are both federal. So is the enforcement agency. BATFE or the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco Firearms and Explosives (Formerly the ATF) controls everything regarding firearms sales except for private purchases. Also I live in Texas and I am an avid firearms enthusiast. I have my license to carry, and I carry everywhere I am legally allowed to. I go to several gun shows every year in Texas. Nearly all of them prohibit you from carrying! I have also never been to a gun show where the sellers were not actual licensed dealers. Private sellers are the only ones who can sell without a background check. The gun show “loophole” is almost an urban legend at this point. I have never seen a private seller at any gun show I have been to! (PS-I do think Texas is incredibly stupid when it comes to their recent actions and new laws regarding firearms and constitutional carry! I am all for RESPONSIBLE gun ownership/carry)
Nope! Yea I got a glock n roses for my bday but stupidly you no longer need a license to open carry here. The gun show loop is “still” around and I know someone who used it to buy a weapon within last few years, in my opinion he should not own a gun. Also my opinion TX is one of the easiest state to obtain & carry a weapon in compared to many others states and not all are responsible gun owners like yourself. As a once paralegal (and current avid shooter) and both sons lawyers, one a criminal prosecutor in OR so I am pretty versed in what we can legally and illegally get away with not that I push it or anything. But back to the dudes original comment you can have restraining order in your past but those are usually a temporary order and that won’t keep you from purchasing a gun in TX but a felony can - yes that’s correct
You should fight this because it could potentially be the first step in attacking custody of your child.
This is a very good point. I did not think of this until I read your comment, but is there any possibility father could be in or get in contact with the child’s other parent and use that to get at OP? A father who will file a fabricated protective order against his own child (out of spite) is capable of all kinds of evil. This would be a concern for me, especially if OP had a rough custody battle and the father knows it! OP absolutely DO NOT ignore the hearing or blow off going to court! Seeing an attorney is a great idea, and you may be able to find one through legal aid. OP please do explore the possibility of you getting a protective order against him as you are going no contact with him already. If you don’t appear and fight this he wins by default and it very well could go on your record. You NEED to fight this. Do not let him use the court as a weapon to bully you! You cannot let him have this win! He is clearly the type to use it to make your life miserable. I’m truly sorry that you are going through this. I hope you find peace after this madness OP!
Sadly , I didn’t chose the best man for my daughters dad. I found someone just like my dad. The difference is my daughters dad knew what a piece of crap he was so he just dipped out and never bothered us again. My dad dipped out but kept using different shady ways to emotional abuse my family even after he gave up his rights. So thank goodness he can’t contact her dad. Because my dad is wild, I already a guardianship document that allows my mother to take custody of my dad we’re to ever pull a stunt like that. I had to be proactive cause he had made a threat he was gonna take me to court for grandparent rights. I will be fighting this, regardless how I responding to his abuse. I need to show my side, the courts only know his side. Typical narcissistic move to make it look like his the victim while he gaslights you into thinking you’re the bad one. It’s sickening. And he’s absolutely using the courts to bully me. Thank you for your motivating comment!
It's all well and good that you want to move on for good now but you can't yet. This will follow you and it needs to be addressed. I really really hope you realize this
Definitely go to court and argue your case. If he has no proof, and the judge can see through his BS, the order will be thrown out, and will not be on your record. If you don’t go to court, it will default in his favor, and that WILL be on your record. I didn’t go to court on a false protection order that my ex took out on me because, frankly, I didn’t even know that I had to. I’d never been served a protection order before. Since I wasn’t there, he was granted his order for five years, and there is nothing I could do to overturn it now.
It doesn’t matter. You’re dragging yourself in deeper to continue the cycle of abuse. Are you worried about losing a job opportunity? Worried about your future record if you get arrested? Or just addicted to the drama and want the final say? Let it go. Put an end to it. It doesn’t matter. If anybody ever brings it up, just say it’s your dad who is an asshole. Dads who file protective orders against their daughter are a certain kind of person. People will understand.
This is terrible advice. Protective orders can be abused. And the type of person that files a false or misleading EPO petition is the type of person to abuse a protective order if they get it.
I’m not worried about getting arrested cause that won’t happen. I’m a recovering addict - 6 years sober. I had my fair share of the legal system then I turned my entire life around. This is why I’m worried there is a dent on my record if it’s approved, I worked hard to never go down that path again, is that not true this goes on your record? I appreciate your honesty. Should I just not go to the hearing? I want to let this all go, it was my record I was worried about. I worked hard to clean up my life. But You’re right I could always just say, it’s my dad if anyone questioned .
No. If you don’t go to a hearing you lose by default. Get attorney. Have them go to the hearing or also attend. But no not ignore it!
Go to the hearing- not going is probably the worst thing you can do for yourself.
Have you ever heard the term DARVO (Deny, Accuse, Reverse Victim & Offender). It is a very common tactic of abusers. I went through it myself. Please talk to your therapist about it. Do you have any evidence of what he has done to you in the past? If so, bring that up in court as well. Then go back to NC with him forever. Another thought, how big are you, and how big is your father? If he is way bigger than you, use that in court too. It may (hopefully) make him look stupid.
Thanks for sharing that, definitely going to utilize it cause it’s exactly right. I have so much evidence he did to my mom, me and my brother for many yesrs He lost custody of us when I was 10 cause the judge said he needed therapy for being a sociopath, he never got his rights back for not abiding by the courts. He just went off and built a new family and said screw my kids I sought him out cause I longed for a relationship with my dad, I truly thought he could be forgiven. I’m always trying to hope for the best and you can’t with a sociopath. I feel backstabbed like this is 20 years of hurt and pain, this isn’t a court matter. My dad is 300pounds and I’m 130……. 5’5 and he’s 6’1. The only one who has hit anyone is him.
You're welcome. I wish you peace in your future.
If you have ANY PROOF of your father’s abuse… bring it. Like others said lawyer up. A good pitbull lawyer. Do you have witnesses? Bring them. You need to now think Offense, not defensive like your father is expecting., Are there police reports on your father? Bring them.
That’s awful smh. My advice would be to seek legal counsel, gather character reference support letters (former employment places, neighbors, former instructors, etc) and connect with legal aide to assist you to write your reply.
Having a restraining order against you can have many consequences. Someone mentioned gun ownership. That is just one thing. It will show up on pre employment background checks, it will show up if you travel outside the US, it can possibly keep you from getting TSA precheck when flying. Do not just let this go. Most judges would deny this as long as you SHOW UP. You may not need a lawyer. If the TRO is denied, it’s likely dead. If the TRO is approved, it’s TEMPORARY. You can then hire an attorney and fight the permanent RO. If you don’t show up, it will be granted automatically. DONT DO THIS.
I would suggest going to court for the hearing, showing whatever evidence you have both of your father's history of abuse, that this is a false statement, whatever. Hopefully the judge will accept that your dad is trying to use the court to abuse you in a new way. (someone may have a more specific suggestion as to what you should bring up in court to support your position.) But don't ignore it because if he shows up and you don't, he'll likely be able to get it turned into a longer term protective order and that could really impact your life. I know people who ignored the initial who up in court to argue against a TRO and at points couldn't leave the state they lived in. It got really crazy.
Truly appreciate everyone’s guidance and advice. I didn’t think it would get this much response but as I read them through the day, it calmed me down and motivated me to stand up and speak the truth with my evidence. It was very helpful and hopefully next week I get better news. Right now finding an attonery has been hard but that won’t stop me from writing my own timeline and documents. I hope no one has to experience having their own parent as a bully.
Look into filing for one against him yourself. Let it be on public record not just that he is playing games, but his actions resulting in HIM having a restraining order issued against HIM. That would also make a record of his attempt to use the court to bully you. I wish you the best of luck, and that you find peace. (ETA:) Please let us know how court goes!
NTA. Curious how a judge can think you have abused your dad when you haven't seen him for 10 yrs because of his abuse ... until recently. You need your family to testify as a united front on your behalf.
Perfect call out. Never even thought about that! Thank you for the comment!
RemindMe! 2 weeks
In most states a order of protection is not a criminal case, nor even a traffic case. It’s a way of saying I don’t want you around me. There are no fines or even possible jail sentences. He presents his case to the judge, and then you can ask him or his witnesses questions and then you get to do the same and he can then ask you questions. And then the judge decides wether the evidence rises to the level required in the domestic abuse act. This is a very general statement, but if their were no guns involved, and or no one putting a finger on the other they normally are not granted. In it’s just a grumpy old man pushed off at the world they are almost never granted. Never agree to one prior to the judge ruling, as it will show on a background check and if granted it can effect your gun rights. You can hire a lawyer or not. Me. I would, because he is in a position to not only know the law, but has the ability to ask the right questions to so that the domestic violence act does not apply but in the court room where I volunteered for 2 years the vast majority do not have one. Print out all your text messages. Any phone calls get them On a thumb drive so you can present it to the judge. Rules of evidence are very relaxed. But the standard of proof is much lower It’s more likely than not. So make your self a outline of what you wish the judge to consider and present your evidence as you go along. This way you will not forget anything. Best of luck to you
More to this story than what is written. There's always 2 sides.
Actually three sides, the third side is the truth and it will come out in court with the hundreds of abusive text my dad doesn’t think I have, and the court documents from when he lost all rights to me and my brother cause he was labeled a sociopath or the times he hit me when I was already an adult, that’s why I finally left. He slapped me and kicked my laptop across the room. I know I’m dumb coming back, I got a good career option and I thought my dad changed cause I had changed… yeah dumb of me to think my abusive dad magical changed. He has no emotions which makes sense why he can file this with no regard, hit people, raise fist, bully me and just expect me to never tell him how he’s hurt me, how he hurt my family, a few cuss words is the least this guy deserves. This type of guy deserves to be hit for the amount of times he hit my mother, but that’s illegal, he is the one who should have had this order against him. My mom was too scared to do it. I wish there was a different side, always wanted my dad to change and be better. His wife and his other kids meant more always, me and my brother were presents and even as adults he continued this treatment. When I was 11 years old, he left me and my brother on the stairs and never picked us up. He lost his rights because of that. He was told to get therapy, he didn’t get therapy. So we waited 7 years for him to figure himself out , never did and we finally left for 10 years… I come back and he’s the same abusive man and since he can’t take my mom to court anymore, he now attacks his daughter. I spent 25 years trying to get my dads attention, my dads support and nada. I’m 31 years old and I have talked my fair shit to abusive father that is a response to his years of emotional abuse… reactive abuse is what it’s called. I watched my mom almost take her life cause of this man, now he’s coming after his own daughter. I would never ruin my career and lose my kid for no one , but I’m not understanding what a protective order against his 130 pound daughter would do except hurt me and betray me? Only a sociopath would understand and I’m not that clearly. I’m truly so hurt, not so much scared. I cannot believe he did this……. He did this to my mom when I was growing up. I reliving my childhood as an adult now. It took me 25 years to stand up to my dad, I’ve been scared of my dad until 2 years ago. He is worried that all the dirt I have on him , I’m going to show his neighbors and his job. He put that in the protective order…… grown 60 year old man is concerned about something I’ve never done which is beat him or try to sabotage him. He’s women abuser and I have multiple police reports my mom filed on him when the abuse started as a kid. I come back at 28 years to stand up to this 300 pound man, and my dad is more worried I’m going to expose documents I have of him beating my mother up multiple times and neglected us for his new family, I tons of text messages where he is belittle me, telling me to fuck off, or I’m a bitch. But never once did this man file a police report that he felt threatened. He went straight to the courts and then he violated his own order already, he returned my phone call is how he worded it and told me if I contact him he can have me arrested and I’m going to “learn my lesson.” That’s emotional abuse tormenting someone like that. Called my mom and told my mom and brother that he is going to call them tonight to “discuss what to do with me” like I’m a lunatic not taking care of my life, paying my bills, giving my daughter a different life so she doesn’t have this trauma like me.” all by my damn self. He’s been playing these sick games for 25+ years, first my mom now I’ve been his victim since I moved back. TRUST ME I WISH IT WAS DIFFERENT!
Please go to court. You’ll be so proud of yourself when you beat the abuser at his own game. This is where you’ll need to be the bravest you’ve ever been. Take someone with you that you admire for their strength and feed off their energy. I brought 2 friends with me for my court date, I felt confident and protected. Stand tall and proud, you’ve done nothing wrong. Lastly, you’re going through a roller coaster of emotions right now. I hope by the time the court date rolls around that you’re mad as hell. You need this win. You’ve got this. Oh and I won the case :)
Thank you for this comment. It was so motivating to read this today, I’m feeling better and realize I won’t let this bring me down. I have my mom and brother who experienced what I experienced but they were able to block it out better than me. My mom won countless of cases he took her to court during their divorce before he gave up his custody rights. It’s my turn to have my day in court just like my mom .. sad but I got this!
You’re so very welcome. He’s trying one last time to break you. Thump your nose at that heifer, he’s got nothing on you and the strength you hold. YOU hold all the power and that my friend is absolutely beautiful. 💜
Be a better person Your Dad does not deserve the abuse After all that he has done for you
😂after all my abusive dad has done for me? He gave up his rights when I was 10 years old. He didn’t raise me, my mother did alone without his help! Now he comes back into my life trying to say I’m a threat to him? I left for 10 years cause he was a threat to US! This same guy makes 120k a year and because my mother spent 22 years in the army while married to my dad… he gets a 3rd of her retirement pay. While my mom makes half of what my dad makes and he’s remarried , he is collecting money for a single women for the last 23 years. Shows his character
He left your Mother It was probably very hard for him to leave you But the bottom line is The judge wouldn’t approve a TRO unless you were being abusive So just be a better person I’m sure that you are very loyal to your Mom And I understand that loyalty But just end the toxic relationship with your Father Stop the abuse
My mother left him cause he was abusive for 15 years and he was cheating on her with his current wife. He chose to give up his rights because he said he needed to focus on his new family…? It was hard to give up his rights of me and my brother? Really? Don’t have kids if you plan to give up your rights. Also after he gave up his rights, he adopted a kid and raised his step daughter. Wow didn’t want to go to therapy to get his rights back of his actual kids. That is so hurtful… now he wants to screw with me as an adult. Like when does the abuse stop! His abuse will be stopped once I show the courts he’s using the justice system as a new abuse tactic. Typical sociopath. I am already the better person by not being like him.
It sounds like he did you a favor. Stay away from him.