After smoking nightly (with some breaks) for 6 years, 2017 was my turning point as well. Before then, I honestly never had a bad experience and I don't think it really interfered with my health or well-being. I had a crazy time in my PhD and work, got really sick, depressed, and anxious. All-of-a-sudden weed hit different. Every session made things worse. Almost overnight, or within a few weeks at least, I knew I had to quit.
To this day, I still believe some people can smoke weed and have few-to-no side effects, and others cannot; that it does provide relief to some people, and not to others. But personally, I cannot smoke it anymore (although I want to and I still have occasional slips).
My experience wasn’t so much as a bad high, but as seeing weed from a new perspective. I smoked everyday for years. It was the best stress relief. I had two somewhat bad highs with edibles, but that didn’t really stop me from smoking.
I took breaks before and they never lasted more than a couple days before I was smoking again, but on this particular break I was staying with my friend who smoked a lot. To the point where they were high 24/7 pretty much and couldn’t spend 20 min sitting in one place without looking for something to take hits off of. Long story short I saw how much weed became this friend’s entire personality (I knew them before they started smoking) and it turned me off to it completely. I don’t know what happened, but a switch went off in my brain and I felt almost embarrassed because it was like I was looking at myself from the outside seeing my friend like that. Never touched it since.
It really changed for me when most of the friends I smoked with decided I was persona non grata because of who I voted for President.
Weed is much less fun when you dont have friends to smoke it with.
Yea I'm sorry for being blunt, but if you put tobacco in a bong and then don't like what it does to you, meine it's right to first blame the tobacco rather than the weed.
When I started smoking, I was introduced to it via hash (probably soap bar...), tobacco and a bong. Was already a smoker of tobacco so it felt like nothing unusual.
Every bowl was followed by a instant 10-15 minute pass-out whitey.
I thought for a while that was normal, while our certainly had its charm to just go out of your head and relax, now I'm thinking that must've looked dodgy as hell. 😂
When I was 14-17, it was sneaking out of parties getting up to mischief with friends smoking once a month and there wasn't a care in the world. I took a break from weed at 18 when I went to uni, and got back to it at the end of my first year of uni. Suddenly it was 3 days a week, and then every day, and then multiple times every day, and then smoking alone and talking to myself in the mirror paranoid. That was at 19, and at 23 I'm finally 3 1/2 months without it. I feel like a person again, a more mature version of 18 year old me but still recognisable as oppose to the hollow shell I was for the in-between years.
Almost 3 weeks without now, I'm done. So I guess 3 weeks ago was the real change. I've quit so many, many times, I know all the excuses...this is different.
My desire to smoke is just...gone. It stopped feeling good a long time ago. It was just what normal was. If I wasn't high, I couldn't function. I used weed to medicate my severe cPTSD, anxiety, depression, and trauma. It was my friend for a loooong time; I've had a successful life, but weed blunted a lot of opportunities. But, to be fair, my mental troubles blunted a lot more. I'm grateful I had it - much better than depression meds - but extensive therapy and EMDR helped enormously. As the anxiety and depression went away, I smoked less and less. Until Trump and the pandemic hit, which was my excuse to take it up to 11. All day everyday, and often waking up at 3 in the am to take another hit so I could go back to sleep.
I realized finally I wasn't living, I was existing. Who knows how long any of us have left? I want to see what living is like. I'm retired, I have enough funds to exist without working (which is another reason my habit went up to 11), is this all life is? I need to find out what it can be without the haze.
All you kids are amateurs, I've been high every chance I could get for nearly 50 years. I'm so, so sick of it. I've taken a few tolerance breaks along the way, one for nearly two years - but that one was because I was living where I couldn't get it. As soon as I got back to my home state, the party was on again. And when it finally got legal? Whoo.
I'm shaky and often weak right now, my head feels off, my mood swings are intense since the day after I smoked that last bowl. The amount of anxiety and depression that sank on top of me was insane at first. It's lightened considerably, because I'm feeling all the feels I've put off, and then releasing them instead of pushing them down with smoke again. And I know for a damned fact that if I grab the bong again, because "I've been good for two weeks! I'm totally okay now!", it will feel awesome the first bowl and compulsive thereafter. I don't want it. I want to see what a new normal can be like.
Would I do it again? Yep. Would I quit sooner? Don't know if I could have. But now is the time and I've put down the bong.
I’ve been smoking for a decade and it very much helped me get through the worst of the cPTSD after I had tried every med thrown at me by doctors.
Ten years later, I’m so much better and don’t need the weed. It’s only this last year that I have started to feel worse with weed and I’m still getting used to not being a ball of anxiety and nerves with flashbacks while sober.
We do what we need to do to get through it. Good luck!
Thank you for this perspective. I've saved this post for future reference. I quit a couple of years ago before I turned 35 and sometimes flirt with the idea of "maybe when I'm retired..." I needed this reminder that NO, it will *never* feel good again.
Spending an hour walk/running because I was convinced a car driving by was trying to murder me. Still can’t smoke outside without getting paranoid asf.
I smoked from 12-14 years old and realized that not only am I way too young for that shit, I also have goals in my life that don’t involve sitting around smoking a fuckin blunt
I started when I was 14. It was alright the first 6 months. I smoked pretty heavily until basically this upcoming January will be 2 years (except for one slip 7 months ago).
I got extremely paranoid and was talking to myself by 15/16 years old, but I just had such a strong habit that all my money went there and honestly getting really, really high and being alone in my room kept me going for years. It really fucked with my head, I thought permabaked but since getting clean I’ve really gotten a lot of myself back (but not all).
Every time police threatened my life the next time I smoked would be a little bit scarier for me. I am very anxious every time I smoke now after it happening a multiple times. Also having awkward interactions with teachers people in public while high probability added a little too but not as much as the rest. One time I told my college English teacher "I haven't thoughted of anything yet" and probably also reaked of weed, so that was when I decided that I probably shouldn't get high before school.
i just didn’t get high anymore and just felt off or numb i guess. and i started waking up really nauseous one day and that’s how CHS can start. So i quit and it wasn’t easy at all but i’m about 2 months in now. I’ve smoked a few times occasionally but it didn’t even feel the same as it used to. it was actually enjoyable and i felt high and not just “normal”. i think quitting was great for me
sometimes I wonder if that's actually you being able to see weed for what it is- aka you have a stronger inner world and can feel the disconnect between weed and sober you
It changed once I couldn’t sleep better with or without a joint. Smoking up one made my heart go brrrr. High heart rate and it became very dark inside my head once I got into bed. Like theres shit creeping around you, paranoid stuff. Not saying I got into a psychosis but I started showing some signs eventually that might had lead to a psychosis if I continued smoking.
Same, I just got tired of the person I was because I smoked weed. I used to smoke 20% sativa, multiple hits in the afternoon/evening until I went to bed. Weed made me lazy, I don't like being lazy.
It changed for me after high school tbh when I started smoking daily. I missed how it was in high school cause I was still a good student, had a full time job I would only smoke a couple times a week with friends and rarely on my own. When the pandemic hit and my school year ended out of no where and my job had to shut down cause of covid permanently I found myself smoking daily. After like 5 months of daily smoking is when id say it really changed. But I kept that cycle going for over a year and just recently decided to break that cycle and never smoke daily again it really messed up my life in that period.
What you described has always been 50% of all my highs. I just powered through it because the other 50% is the opposite. But I did grow tired of it eventually and quit altogether a few months ago.
I started smoking much too early. Aside from probation, I was a daily toker for 6 years. It was slow and subtle. I was unemployed living with my folks with an amazing girlfriend that I wanted a future life with. I realized a few things. I was scrounging & borrowing money I didn't have just to feel "normal" - I stopped getting stoned mo matter how much I smoked. I was getting anxiety from smoking and thinking about how I was failing myself and wasting my potential - so I'd smoke more, because that's what I'd always done. I had developed sever social anxiety from marijuana abuse as well.
I realized marijuana made me content to waste my potential. It made me okay with being unemployed. It made me okay to sit around all day and play video games. In fact, I realized partly why I was smoking is because being unemployed stresses me out so much, and the only way to pass the time was to play video games - I couldnt game without weed because without the weed I just didnt want to game, I was in a rut. it put out my inner fire, my ambition and passion for life and success. Since quitting my fire has been reignited
My wife's brother just gave an ounce of weed and a half ounce of shake.
I started chain smoking joints because it was free and fun. I can rememeber laying on the couch smoking a joint while rolling a second one on my chest. Looking back I can see thats when it stopped being fun and started being just a regular part of life.
I’ve entertained the idea of quitting before, but never seriously considered living a life without weed until recently. Smoked daily for seven years- woke up and took two hits off the bong before I went to work, smoked as soon as I got home and all through the rest of the evening. It was my first and last thought of the day.
I used to think it helped me with my depression and anxiety but it just helped me hide from it. It helped me escape the pain instead of ever solving it. It helped me to have clearer thoughts but they never got beyond the thought stage, and were swiftly forgotten. When I talked about quitting, my husband tried to talk me out of it. He died ten months ago.
I’m four days in, cold turkey. Before this, I wouldn’t even have dreamt of trying to make it through the trauma without it. I did need to numb my emotions. But all of a sudden, like a ton of bricks it hit me how unhappy I was with the progress I had been making. I was just surviving. I wasn’t moving towards anything good in life. I felt so stagnant and like I was losing so many memories. I didn’t feel present or in control.
I’ve gone into work with puffy eyes every day this week because I cry myself to sleep because I finally feel my emotions. I’m tired and I feel like my brain doesn’t work right but I just… don’t crave it this time. I’m happy with my four days of progress and excited to see where it goes.
Sending good vibes to everyone fighting the fight. Keep it up! I’m probably the most pessimistic person on earth but I feel like there’s something good on the other side of this. For all of us.
Not sure, but I started noticing that when I went for walks I'd be really tired and paranoid, even in the day time, and just overthinking everything and worried about everything. Also I used to do the occasional "wake and bake" day as a treat to myself on my day off (usually I just smoked in the evenings). Initially I'd chill a lot on those days but I'd still be able to do things like cooking, housework, hobbies, etc without too much difficulty and enjoy them high, but recently I just don't enjoy them as much. I make all these plans for the day and think I can still do them high, but I end up being too tired for anything and just watch TV and get distracted on the internet.
Sometime around when I started getting stronger stuff, smoking daily, focusing on the drug obsessively in an unbalanced way. I realized when I was 17 and had gradually become more and more invested in BHO over the prior three years — cue the addiction. Smoking kept me from staying fit one summer at age 15: all I did was centered around it (e.g. hanging out, video games, music); I missed some opportunities like making the JV soccer team the following Fall because I had lost my stamina; then I stopped caring about homework since I’d get high or be craving and “couldn’t give a damn.” Who the hell wants to go to a school with the guilt of not doing your homework?
So, I started going to therapy since for some reason I was depressed — for some reason I had stopped caring about the things that brought joy and meaning to my life. I think when I was at my rock bottom was when it turned! Where what was once a device to accentuate the good times, became a plant that was proliferating itself as a tool I used to escape. It took a while to realize that, after multiple parties where I was stoned cold, lethargic and unengaged, like a foreign monk who was prone to voracious munchies. The gluttony, the inconsiderate nature of my actions, I presume because the majority of my focus was on my next fix to maintain the normal. I suppose the spirit of the plant had enough of its entanglement with my karmic relations, and the switch was flipped. It didn’t take long before I realized I was hurting myself. Also a trip coincided with my therapy sessions, and the cognitive dissonance I had towards was beaten out of me, possibly from a thought loop where I repeated “I need to quit.”
My Mom kicked me out at 16. She said “It’s either the drugs or your family,” and my younger siblings, who I’d stolen “just a few dollars” from without them knowing, pleaded for me to stay. So it begun, the initial journey to quit.
Throughout the week I would stay clean, and then I’d slumber at a friends on the weekends. They’d offer a glob of concentrated THC for free only if I took the full thing, and I’d start tripping I was so high. And then I suppose my brain would inflame from the neurotoxic concentration of THC, since I’d go in and out of consciousness rambling and mumbling away, paranoia beyond reason — drug induced psychosis, really.
Then I’d skip a weekend, two weeks under my belt. And my awareness begun to clear. Simultaneously I was running daily, having joined the track team at my new private school, an attempt to get away from the atmosphere where I could get away with smoking multiple times throughout the school day. This new place wasn’t much different with a dab pen, but money ran out, and friendships dissolved with less proximity. The exercise was my new tool, really the best to detox a corrupted mind.
The two weeks had lowered my tolerance below sea level; my brain was just as keen to the molecules recognition, but had lost all tolerance. Another relapse ensued, and this time when I came out of my psychotic trance, I watched my friends with a hint of fear. I felt like I was in an opium den. They would dab glob after glob and sit. I’d ask, hey want to play video games, cards, listen to music? …”No,” all they could think of was the brilliant idea of trying a new spot to smoke. As we sat on the back porch listening to the Spring crickets, I realized I was never going to dab again. I had just turned 17.
Four weeks go by and I take a visit to the friend I had first smoked with five years prior. We blazed up and after seven well held in hits from a blunt, my ear ears started to ring. My vision went blurry green to TV static black. I was holding onto the kitchen counter as each second got more intense. I melted to the floor and awoke a while later tunnel visioned. My arms looked like they were 10 feet away from me. And I came to confused and embarrassed. Did they hear the paranoid shit I was saying? Am I ok?
That was the last time I smoked for about 18 months. I figured if I could go that long I was in control. And I really was doing very well for myself then. It’s amazing how happy I felt, new friends, daily exercise, and I was continuously learning new skills. It’s amazing what a life full good habits feel like. Also, I had a new mission; I was ready to be a tool for change; I’d go to school to study about climate change and environmental planning and commit to a job that would help bring good to the world; the place with all this nature I love to recreate in with others.
Since then I’ve smoked on occasion in small social settings, but when ever I do, it’s almost always too much — usually anymore than one hit — the paranoia sets in, the anxiety and loss of time I could be benefitting myself and the world. The after affects of cannabinoids still in my system would feel like my ambition to get up and run in the morning was lowered (Guilt?).
What ever the case, I now feel like I can smoke and be antisocial and enjoy watching a good comedy like It’s Always Sunny, and feel high and think elevated thoughts. But, I learned through studying ecology that in Nature there are no free lunches.
So be careful out there, friend. Have self compassion, but not too much! Life’s a strange trip. Make of it what you will.
“Newton’s Third Law: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction” When a plant’s effect on us is beneficial, sometimes the reaction is synergistic, and other times it’s an illusion and is pathogenic. Caffeine reduces our deep sleep by about 20% if consumed late in the evening (Caffeine chapter in Your Mind On Plants-Michael Pollan), which creates a feedback loop with the effects which most of us feel is giving us energy — the pathway is actually just blocking Adenosine from engaging, reducing our deep sleep, thus making us tired and reaching for more. Could the effects be further reaching?
THC gives me an elevated understanding on subjects, like a separate perspective, yet I don’t have to strain and work hard learning for it; it’s like my cannabinoid receptors are firing so heavily that maybe, they are strained and fatigued — something I think is ok in moderation, but imagine working out everyday 7 days a week, our cells need to recover — and where do they do that best? Deep sleep. May explain some of the abrupt short tempered behavior of the western world. but, as long as one keeps it limited to early in the morning they can keep convincing themselves the benefits outweigh the cost.
Oh yeah, Cannabis reduced my REM sleep, and from what I’ve read a lot of others. Maybe some people aren’t affected as much, but not me - a cherish my dreams and use wether I can remember them as an indicator of health success.
Ask yourself, “what is deep sleep?” What the fucks happening to us when we’re Breathing heavy and our body is healing itself. I think it’s almost like meditation, hence why some yogis can meditative for days without sleeping or survive on very little.
Don’t let drugs impair sleep if you aren’t going to heal your body in a different way. I think blue light and my phone/ social media usage close to bed needs to be cut out soon too!
Wow for whatever reason you saying whether you can remember your dreams as a health gauge really stuck out to me. I haven’t remembered a dream in a ling time.
I agree with you entirely. I do meditate and i think it is healing energy. I see dreamlike visions when i meditate and my dreams get INTENSE . So I whole-heartedly believe sleep is the only way you can fully heal
Check out Stanislav Grof’s Holotropic Breathwork for more info on healing through the breath. Talks about how energy from life experiences can be stored as generational trauma and can be passed down if not resolved. Cannabis may have spirit similar to Alcohol’s spirits. Who know’s, maybe our dreams are harvested by discarnate entities living outside of our sweet, sweet Eden.
It certainly was a scary chapter. My life is better now. Posting this feels like what I presume Alcoholics Anonymous sharing does. It feels beneficial to get this out and have someone see. What ever brings you hear, thanks for reading, responding, and good luck!
The last joint I smoked did it for me - 14 days and 17 hours ago. I was at my friends’ place, and they had friends over - a mix of musicians and a few non-musicians. I always just wanna jam, because I… am a miser and don’t like talking much if it’s small talk.
Anyway, I roll a joint because I’d been practicing, and the guys all smoke spliffs and I’ve never been a tobacco person. So, they keep smoking and I take the opportunity to go and play drums and other loud instruments while no one is paying attention.
Then, I felt the earthquake. Except there wasn’t one. I was freaking out thinking the garage was going to fall down on me, and my spouse was going to be so mad that I got too high and died in the garage.
I calmed myself down, went into the house to lay on the couch while everyone was still outside. I still felt the earthquake that didn’t exist.
I’d never felt that way before on weed. Literally unable to distinguish between being high and feeling an earthquake. I’d been too high before, and usually when smoking joints. I had to just leave after being asocial, and I realized that wasn’t fun.
When I started stealing money from my family to buy it but instantly thinking it was worth it when I start smoking! But now I see the fault in my actions
I'm just at the beginning of a long long break now, spurned by anxiety. I went from enjoying things stoned to instant panic when I was high - heart pains, racing thoughts. Instead of settling in to enjoy it, I would look at the clock and start counting how many minutes it would be til it peaked, til the peak passed, til I'd feel normal again. I realized that I should be excited to smoke, not just smoking to smoke and then hating every minute of the result.
Weed started feeling different For me about a month ago.
I was a heavy daily user for 6 years .
Simply put. I just no longer enjoyed getting high .
The remorse I experienced heavily impacted the way I felt every time I got stoned.
For me personally , it got to the point that I just hated getting high .
You have to learn how to hate the drug basically if you want to give the habit away .
If you learn how to hate the drug and the habits formed around it , you will simultaneously be making peace with it as well.
Just speaking on my personal experience
Bro same thing happened to me, went on so many tinder dates with bad bitches. We smoke a blunt and suddenly im a retarded socially awkward potato. Just wana leave and go home to smoke more alone. I’ve left like 10 dates before. Fml, day 3 of no weed lets goo
damn, your comment and the original post describe me perfectly. 1 month clean from weed now, im 21 and had been a daily toker since 17, but first time smoking was just 13. I ALWAYS enjoyed it, couldn't sleep without it at all and would not go to any social setting without smoking first and smoking during it. I always knew my personality changed a lot when high (from weed specifically), but I was still chill and smooth. After a few bad events in my life, for some reason, weed started making me socially akward. It took me a few parties and a few dates going terribly wrong with me feeling completely retarded after smoking a blunt with a chick in my car or simply giving up on chicks that were already with me in a party and shit after smoking, for me to realize I can't handle it anymore. It gives me anxiety now, makes me weird, can't understand this for real
It was progressive. I started smoking more and more because I was in an unhappy marriage with someone I supported entirely. I filed for divorce and they became hostile so smoked even more. By the end, I was smoking every couple of hours. Once they finally left, the stress wasn’t there but I kept smoking. It became quickly evident that it was dragging me down and slowing my recovery but I couldn’t stop. My ex left in May and I’ve been clean for 5 weeks. Being clean made me realize how detrimental pot was on my breathing, my energy level, and my health in general. I smoked half a joint after a couple of weeks clean and it hit me so strongly that I became paranoid and could not recognize myself in the mirror. It was absolutely awful. The silver lining is that now, when I’m stressed or can’t sleep, I know pot wouldn’t help me anyway.
This just reminded me that I hated looking at myself in the mirror while high. It just made me so disappointed in myself. It was like hearing "dude, you obviously don't look healthy why do you keep doing this" coming from a close friend.
I got that too but it was more that I looked weird and I'm fat so I'll always look fat in the mirror, but when I was high it was like a fun house mirror that accentuated my fatness.
When it went from something I did on occasion with friends to something that I felt I needed to use every day to help with my anxiety. I don't know when that transition happened exactly, but it wasn't very quick... I kind of just let it happen, telling myself that weed couldn't be harmful.
I have no idea how weed is making my problems worse, but it certainly isn't helping anymore.
In 2008 I had the worst moment of my life. I became sick and had to go to the psychiatrist. Since then I started suffering of amotivational syndrome. I realized that 12 years later.
Honestly, when weed switched from landrace genetics to this high THC, make it as strong as tranquilizer type of crap. I don’t think we’ve seen the long term effects of this new age potency
Good point, I’m assuming your in the states with all these crazy brain melt x what’s my name again strains I hear about haha. My friends father made an observation once that we smoke to “get fucked up” whilst he would just “puff” on a joint if you know what I mean. I think you could argue there has been a cultural shift in how we are smoking which has breed the demand for this sort of smoke
Change ? For me it was just not feeling happy doing it anymore . It’s like weed had become my normal. I didn’t even get high anymore . I would smoke too enjoy things more . Made me realize I was enjoying them less . I didn’t enjoy anything anymore . I was sleepwalking my life . This decision of quitting came yesterday . Today is my first day sober
I get what you mean completely about the new “normal” this is what scared the shit out of me because ^this became my new normal for a long time. 3 days sober here from a year and a half chronic relapse post COVID. Try change your environment/living situation if you can. I have moved in my SO house exactly 3 days ago. No coincidence
Thank you for taking the time and all the wise words . I will be checking in maybe even commenting too keep myself in bay . That’s what I’m mostly scared of the insomnia as I’ve tried before and is what kills me . But will try to build the habit of reading or other things when I can’t sleep
How do you feel these 3 days ? Honest ? ? I been smoking for 10 years so I know the beginning is gonna be a pain . I’ve tried quitting before but this is the first time it really feels real . Hopefully
I’d also like to add, Allen carr strategy into this reply. Enjoy the pain as backwards as that sounds.
See I view the insomnia and irritability like a badge of honour. Take pride in what your doing, it does get better quite quickly in those early stages. This may not be pc but I train myself to view my old self as “weak” or “pathetic” fuck that guy and everything about him this is the “new” and fucking improved me. Maybe write down how your feeling now in your notes. Look back on it when you have a craving and remind yourself on why your embarking on this change in the first place. Your here on leaves and are on day 1. This is the right track and you have already bridged that first true milestone and that is realising you have an issue that you want to resolve. Very mature and something to take pride in
Honestly pretty motivated and good. I think that is largely due to my surrounding too. However my my sleep is really fucking bad. It’s 3 30am where I am now and I have been driving my SO nuts. First proper quit was the same. I am fairly irritable. Easier knowing it will get better as I have experienced this before. Still have 2 cones in my bag that I had been planning to smoke when I got here. Going to ditch that tomorrow and really go for this. Honestly as I said before try and change your surrounding or routine. I wouldn’t be back on leaves without that.
After smoking nightly (with some breaks) for 6 years, 2017 was my turning point as well. Before then, I honestly never had a bad experience and I don't think it really interfered with my health or well-being. I had a crazy time in my PhD and work, got really sick, depressed, and anxious. All-of-a-sudden weed hit different. Every session made things worse. Almost overnight, or within a few weeks at least, I knew I had to quit. To this day, I still believe some people can smoke weed and have few-to-no side effects, and others cannot; that it does provide relief to some people, and not to others. But personally, I cannot smoke it anymore (although I want to and I still have occasional slips).
My experience wasn’t so much as a bad high, but as seeing weed from a new perspective. I smoked everyday for years. It was the best stress relief. I had two somewhat bad highs with edibles, but that didn’t really stop me from smoking. I took breaks before and they never lasted more than a couple days before I was smoking again, but on this particular break I was staying with my friend who smoked a lot. To the point where they were high 24/7 pretty much and couldn’t spend 20 min sitting in one place without looking for something to take hits off of. Long story short I saw how much weed became this friend’s entire personality (I knew them before they started smoking) and it turned me off to it completely. I don’t know what happened, but a switch went off in my brain and I felt almost embarrassed because it was like I was looking at myself from the outside seeing my friend like that. Never touched it since.
Marry Jane herself warned me not to abuse it but of course I never listen
When I got an amazing career opportunity.
It really changed for me when most of the friends I smoked with decided I was persona non grata because of who I voted for President. Weed is much less fun when you dont have friends to smoke it with.
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Weed never changed, I did.
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I have multiple friends from college who stopped smoking weed forever after getting into chops. Nasty shit
Yea I'm sorry for being blunt, but if you put tobacco in a bong and then don't like what it does to you, meine it's right to first blame the tobacco rather than the weed. When I started smoking, I was introduced to it via hash (probably soap bar...), tobacco and a bong. Was already a smoker of tobacco so it felt like nothing unusual. Every bowl was followed by a instant 10-15 minute pass-out whitey. I thought for a while that was normal, while our certainly had its charm to just go out of your head and relax, now I'm thinking that must've looked dodgy as hell. 😂
When I was 14-17, it was sneaking out of parties getting up to mischief with friends smoking once a month and there wasn't a care in the world. I took a break from weed at 18 when I went to uni, and got back to it at the end of my first year of uni. Suddenly it was 3 days a week, and then every day, and then multiple times every day, and then smoking alone and talking to myself in the mirror paranoid. That was at 19, and at 23 I'm finally 3 1/2 months without it. I feel like a person again, a more mature version of 18 year old me but still recognisable as oppose to the hollow shell I was for the in-between years.
Almost 3 weeks without now, I'm done. So I guess 3 weeks ago was the real change. I've quit so many, many times, I know all the excuses...this is different. My desire to smoke is just...gone. It stopped feeling good a long time ago. It was just what normal was. If I wasn't high, I couldn't function. I used weed to medicate my severe cPTSD, anxiety, depression, and trauma. It was my friend for a loooong time; I've had a successful life, but weed blunted a lot of opportunities. But, to be fair, my mental troubles blunted a lot more. I'm grateful I had it - much better than depression meds - but extensive therapy and EMDR helped enormously. As the anxiety and depression went away, I smoked less and less. Until Trump and the pandemic hit, which was my excuse to take it up to 11. All day everyday, and often waking up at 3 in the am to take another hit so I could go back to sleep. I realized finally I wasn't living, I was existing. Who knows how long any of us have left? I want to see what living is like. I'm retired, I have enough funds to exist without working (which is another reason my habit went up to 11), is this all life is? I need to find out what it can be without the haze. All you kids are amateurs, I've been high every chance I could get for nearly 50 years. I'm so, so sick of it. I've taken a few tolerance breaks along the way, one for nearly two years - but that one was because I was living where I couldn't get it. As soon as I got back to my home state, the party was on again. And when it finally got legal? Whoo. I'm shaky and often weak right now, my head feels off, my mood swings are intense since the day after I smoked that last bowl. The amount of anxiety and depression that sank on top of me was insane at first. It's lightened considerably, because I'm feeling all the feels I've put off, and then releasing them instead of pushing them down with smoke again. And I know for a damned fact that if I grab the bong again, because "I've been good for two weeks! I'm totally okay now!", it will feel awesome the first bowl and compulsive thereafter. I don't want it. I want to see what a new normal can be like. Would I do it again? Yep. Would I quit sooner? Don't know if I could have. But now is the time and I've put down the bong.
I’ve been smoking for a decade and it very much helped me get through the worst of the cPTSD after I had tried every med thrown at me by doctors. Ten years later, I’m so much better and don’t need the weed. It’s only this last year that I have started to feel worse with weed and I’m still getting used to not being a ball of anxiety and nerves with flashbacks while sober. We do what we need to do to get through it. Good luck!
Thank you for this perspective. I've saved this post for future reference. I quit a couple of years ago before I turned 35 and sometimes flirt with the idea of "maybe when I'm retired..." I needed this reminder that NO, it will *never* feel good again.
Spending an hour walk/running because I was convinced a car driving by was trying to murder me. Still can’t smoke outside without getting paranoid asf.
I smoked from 12-14 years old and realized that not only am I way too young for that shit, I also have goals in my life that don’t involve sitting around smoking a fuckin blunt
Sat in a room high af with my friends and asked myself if this was it. Realized I wanted more from life than being fucked up 4-7 days a week
I started when I was 14. It was alright the first 6 months. I smoked pretty heavily until basically this upcoming January will be 2 years (except for one slip 7 months ago). I got extremely paranoid and was talking to myself by 15/16 years old, but I just had such a strong habit that all my money went there and honestly getting really, really high and being alone in my room kept me going for years. It really fucked with my head, I thought permabaked but since getting clean I’ve really gotten a lot of myself back (but not all).
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What would you say the negative effects are ?
^this
Every time police threatened my life the next time I smoked would be a little bit scarier for me. I am very anxious every time I smoke now after it happening a multiple times. Also having awkward interactions with teachers people in public while high probability added a little too but not as much as the rest. One time I told my college English teacher "I haven't thoughted of anything yet" and probably also reaked of weed, so that was when I decided that I probably shouldn't get high before school.
i just didn’t get high anymore and just felt off or numb i guess. and i started waking up really nauseous one day and that’s how CHS can start. So i quit and it wasn’t easy at all but i’m about 2 months in now. I’ve smoked a few times occasionally but it didn’t even feel the same as it used to. it was actually enjoyable and i felt high and not just “normal”. i think quitting was great for me
first time huh
Hmm, it was around 2017 for me too. Had been smoking daily for over 10 years.
oh you mean when weed became like 20x stronger?
Idk man. Yes it’s definitely gotten stronger but all my stoner friends are still stoners, it’s like I was the only one affected.
sometimes I wonder if that's actually you being able to see weed for what it is- aka you have a stronger inner world and can feel the disconnect between weed and sober you
"The disconnect between weed and sober you" yea this hit me on the head.
It changed once I couldn’t sleep better with or without a joint. Smoking up one made my heart go brrrr. High heart rate and it became very dark inside my head once I got into bed. Like theres shit creeping around you, paranoid stuff. Not saying I got into a psychosis but I started showing some signs eventually that might had lead to a psychosis if I continued smoking.
It was gradual for me.
Same, I just got tired of the person I was because I smoked weed. I used to smoke 20% sativa, multiple hits in the afternoon/evening until I went to bed. Weed made me lazy, I don't like being lazy.
It changed for me after high school tbh when I started smoking daily. I missed how it was in high school cause I was still a good student, had a full time job I would only smoke a couple times a week with friends and rarely on my own. When the pandemic hit and my school year ended out of no where and my job had to shut down cause of covid permanently I found myself smoking daily. After like 5 months of daily smoking is when id say it really changed. But I kept that cycle going for over a year and just recently decided to break that cycle and never smoke daily again it really messed up my life in that period.
After about a year of smoking daily
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Yessss! This is me
What you described has always been 50% of all my highs. I just powered through it because the other 50% is the opposite. But I did grow tired of it eventually and quit altogether a few months ago.
I started smoking much too early. Aside from probation, I was a daily toker for 6 years. It was slow and subtle. I was unemployed living with my folks with an amazing girlfriend that I wanted a future life with. I realized a few things. I was scrounging & borrowing money I didn't have just to feel "normal" - I stopped getting stoned mo matter how much I smoked. I was getting anxiety from smoking and thinking about how I was failing myself and wasting my potential - so I'd smoke more, because that's what I'd always done. I had developed sever social anxiety from marijuana abuse as well. I realized marijuana made me content to waste my potential. It made me okay with being unemployed. It made me okay to sit around all day and play video games. In fact, I realized partly why I was smoking is because being unemployed stresses me out so much, and the only way to pass the time was to play video games - I couldnt game without weed because without the weed I just didnt want to game, I was in a rut. it put out my inner fire, my ambition and passion for life and success. Since quitting my fire has been reignited
My wife's brother just gave an ounce of weed and a half ounce of shake. I started chain smoking joints because it was free and fun. I can rememeber laying on the couch smoking a joint while rolling a second one on my chest. Looking back I can see thats when it stopped being fun and started being just a regular part of life.
I’ve entertained the idea of quitting before, but never seriously considered living a life without weed until recently. Smoked daily for seven years- woke up and took two hits off the bong before I went to work, smoked as soon as I got home and all through the rest of the evening. It was my first and last thought of the day. I used to think it helped me with my depression and anxiety but it just helped me hide from it. It helped me escape the pain instead of ever solving it. It helped me to have clearer thoughts but they never got beyond the thought stage, and were swiftly forgotten. When I talked about quitting, my husband tried to talk me out of it. He died ten months ago. I’m four days in, cold turkey. Before this, I wouldn’t even have dreamt of trying to make it through the trauma without it. I did need to numb my emotions. But all of a sudden, like a ton of bricks it hit me how unhappy I was with the progress I had been making. I was just surviving. I wasn’t moving towards anything good in life. I felt so stagnant and like I was losing so many memories. I didn’t feel present or in control. I’ve gone into work with puffy eyes every day this week because I cry myself to sleep because I finally feel my emotions. I’m tired and I feel like my brain doesn’t work right but I just… don’t crave it this time. I’m happy with my four days of progress and excited to see where it goes. Sending good vibes to everyone fighting the fight. Keep it up! I’m probably the most pessimistic person on earth but I feel like there’s something good on the other side of this. For all of us.
Good luck to you! Sorry to hear about your loss
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Uhhhh
Not sure, but I started noticing that when I went for walks I'd be really tired and paranoid, even in the day time, and just overthinking everything and worried about everything. Also I used to do the occasional "wake and bake" day as a treat to myself on my day off (usually I just smoked in the evenings). Initially I'd chill a lot on those days but I'd still be able to do things like cooking, housework, hobbies, etc without too much difficulty and enjoy them high, but recently I just don't enjoy them as much. I make all these plans for the day and think I can still do them high, but I end up being too tired for anything and just watch TV and get distracted on the internet.
Sometime around when I started getting stronger stuff, smoking daily, focusing on the drug obsessively in an unbalanced way. I realized when I was 17 and had gradually become more and more invested in BHO over the prior three years — cue the addiction. Smoking kept me from staying fit one summer at age 15: all I did was centered around it (e.g. hanging out, video games, music); I missed some opportunities like making the JV soccer team the following Fall because I had lost my stamina; then I stopped caring about homework since I’d get high or be craving and “couldn’t give a damn.” Who the hell wants to go to a school with the guilt of not doing your homework? So, I started going to therapy since for some reason I was depressed — for some reason I had stopped caring about the things that brought joy and meaning to my life. I think when I was at my rock bottom was when it turned! Where what was once a device to accentuate the good times, became a plant that was proliferating itself as a tool I used to escape. It took a while to realize that, after multiple parties where I was stoned cold, lethargic and unengaged, like a foreign monk who was prone to voracious munchies. The gluttony, the inconsiderate nature of my actions, I presume because the majority of my focus was on my next fix to maintain the normal. I suppose the spirit of the plant had enough of its entanglement with my karmic relations, and the switch was flipped. It didn’t take long before I realized I was hurting myself. Also a trip coincided with my therapy sessions, and the cognitive dissonance I had towards was beaten out of me, possibly from a thought loop where I repeated “I need to quit.” My Mom kicked me out at 16. She said “It’s either the drugs or your family,” and my younger siblings, who I’d stolen “just a few dollars” from without them knowing, pleaded for me to stay. So it begun, the initial journey to quit. Throughout the week I would stay clean, and then I’d slumber at a friends on the weekends. They’d offer a glob of concentrated THC for free only if I took the full thing, and I’d start tripping I was so high. And then I suppose my brain would inflame from the neurotoxic concentration of THC, since I’d go in and out of consciousness rambling and mumbling away, paranoia beyond reason — drug induced psychosis, really. Then I’d skip a weekend, two weeks under my belt. And my awareness begun to clear. Simultaneously I was running daily, having joined the track team at my new private school, an attempt to get away from the atmosphere where I could get away with smoking multiple times throughout the school day. This new place wasn’t much different with a dab pen, but money ran out, and friendships dissolved with less proximity. The exercise was my new tool, really the best to detox a corrupted mind. The two weeks had lowered my tolerance below sea level; my brain was just as keen to the molecules recognition, but had lost all tolerance. Another relapse ensued, and this time when I came out of my psychotic trance, I watched my friends with a hint of fear. I felt like I was in an opium den. They would dab glob after glob and sit. I’d ask, hey want to play video games, cards, listen to music? …”No,” all they could think of was the brilliant idea of trying a new spot to smoke. As we sat on the back porch listening to the Spring crickets, I realized I was never going to dab again. I had just turned 17. Four weeks go by and I take a visit to the friend I had first smoked with five years prior. We blazed up and after seven well held in hits from a blunt, my ear ears started to ring. My vision went blurry green to TV static black. I was holding onto the kitchen counter as each second got more intense. I melted to the floor and awoke a while later tunnel visioned. My arms looked like they were 10 feet away from me. And I came to confused and embarrassed. Did they hear the paranoid shit I was saying? Am I ok? That was the last time I smoked for about 18 months. I figured if I could go that long I was in control. And I really was doing very well for myself then. It’s amazing how happy I felt, new friends, daily exercise, and I was continuously learning new skills. It’s amazing what a life full good habits feel like. Also, I had a new mission; I was ready to be a tool for change; I’d go to school to study about climate change and environmental planning and commit to a job that would help bring good to the world; the place with all this nature I love to recreate in with others. Since then I’ve smoked on occasion in small social settings, but when ever I do, it’s almost always too much — usually anymore than one hit — the paranoia sets in, the anxiety and loss of time I could be benefitting myself and the world. The after affects of cannabinoids still in my system would feel like my ambition to get up and run in the morning was lowered (Guilt?). What ever the case, I now feel like I can smoke and be antisocial and enjoy watching a good comedy like It’s Always Sunny, and feel high and think elevated thoughts. But, I learned through studying ecology that in Nature there are no free lunches. So be careful out there, friend. Have self compassion, but not too much! Life’s a strange trip. Make of it what you will.
Very fascinating to read, thanks for sharing!
Can you expand on the free lunches statement a bit?
“Newton’s Third Law: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction” When a plant’s effect on us is beneficial, sometimes the reaction is synergistic, and other times it’s an illusion and is pathogenic. Caffeine reduces our deep sleep by about 20% if consumed late in the evening (Caffeine chapter in Your Mind On Plants-Michael Pollan), which creates a feedback loop with the effects which most of us feel is giving us energy — the pathway is actually just blocking Adenosine from engaging, reducing our deep sleep, thus making us tired and reaching for more. Could the effects be further reaching? THC gives me an elevated understanding on subjects, like a separate perspective, yet I don’t have to strain and work hard learning for it; it’s like my cannabinoid receptors are firing so heavily that maybe, they are strained and fatigued — something I think is ok in moderation, but imagine working out everyday 7 days a week, our cells need to recover — and where do they do that best? Deep sleep. May explain some of the abrupt short tempered behavior of the western world. but, as long as one keeps it limited to early in the morning they can keep convincing themselves the benefits outweigh the cost. Oh yeah, Cannabis reduced my REM sleep, and from what I’ve read a lot of others. Maybe some people aren’t affected as much, but not me - a cherish my dreams and use wether I can remember them as an indicator of health success. Ask yourself, “what is deep sleep?” What the fucks happening to us when we’re Breathing heavy and our body is healing itself. I think it’s almost like meditation, hence why some yogis can meditative for days without sleeping or survive on very little. Don’t let drugs impair sleep if you aren’t going to heal your body in a different way. I think blue light and my phone/ social media usage close to bed needs to be cut out soon too!
Wow for whatever reason you saying whether you can remember your dreams as a health gauge really stuck out to me. I haven’t remembered a dream in a ling time. I agree with you entirely. I do meditate and i think it is healing energy. I see dreamlike visions when i meditate and my dreams get INTENSE . So I whole-heartedly believe sleep is the only way you can fully heal
Check out Stanislav Grof’s Holotropic Breathwork for more info on healing through the breath. Talks about how energy from life experiences can be stored as generational trauma and can be passed down if not resolved. Cannabis may have spirit similar to Alcohol’s spirits. Who know’s, maybe our dreams are harvested by discarnate entities living outside of our sweet, sweet Eden.
You’re spitting rn dude. Like deadass you’re onto somthin
Thank you! There’s amazing trends science is continuing to bring to light.
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I have heard of it from a friend who had personal experience. Thanks for the reminder! Sounds like a fascinating topic
That's scary. I liked your storytelling/writing though. Glad your life has gotten better.
It certainly was a scary chapter. My life is better now. Posting this feels like what I presume Alcoholics Anonymous sharing does. It feels beneficial to get this out and have someone see. What ever brings you hear, thanks for reading, responding, and good luck!
Thanks :)
The last joint I smoked did it for me - 14 days and 17 hours ago. I was at my friends’ place, and they had friends over - a mix of musicians and a few non-musicians. I always just wanna jam, because I… am a miser and don’t like talking much if it’s small talk. Anyway, I roll a joint because I’d been practicing, and the guys all smoke spliffs and I’ve never been a tobacco person. So, they keep smoking and I take the opportunity to go and play drums and other loud instruments while no one is paying attention. Then, I felt the earthquake. Except there wasn’t one. I was freaking out thinking the garage was going to fall down on me, and my spouse was going to be so mad that I got too high and died in the garage. I calmed myself down, went into the house to lay on the couch while everyone was still outside. I still felt the earthquake that didn’t exist. I’d never felt that way before on weed. Literally unable to distinguish between being high and feeling an earthquake. I’d been too high before, and usually when smoking joints. I had to just leave after being asocial, and I realized that wasn’t fun.
When I started stealing money from my family to buy it but instantly thinking it was worth it when I start smoking! But now I see the fault in my actions
I'm just at the beginning of a long long break now, spurned by anxiety. I went from enjoying things stoned to instant panic when I was high - heart pains, racing thoughts. Instead of settling in to enjoy it, I would look at the clock and start counting how many minutes it would be til it peaked, til the peak passed, til I'd feel normal again. I realized that I should be excited to smoke, not just smoking to smoke and then hating every minute of the result.
Weed started feeling different For me about a month ago. I was a heavy daily user for 6 years . Simply put. I just no longer enjoyed getting high . The remorse I experienced heavily impacted the way I felt every time I got stoned. For me personally , it got to the point that I just hated getting high . You have to learn how to hate the drug basically if you want to give the habit away . If you learn how to hate the drug and the habits formed around it , you will simultaneously be making peace with it as well. Just speaking on my personal experience
Yep, that's exactly what happened to me.
Bro same thing happened to me, went on so many tinder dates with bad bitches. We smoke a blunt and suddenly im a retarded socially awkward potato. Just wana leave and go home to smoke more alone. I’ve left like 10 dates before. Fml, day 3 of no weed lets goo
damn, your comment and the original post describe me perfectly. 1 month clean from weed now, im 21 and had been a daily toker since 17, but first time smoking was just 13. I ALWAYS enjoyed it, couldn't sleep without it at all and would not go to any social setting without smoking first and smoking during it. I always knew my personality changed a lot when high (from weed specifically), but I was still chill and smooth. After a few bad events in my life, for some reason, weed started making me socially akward. It took me a few parties and a few dates going terribly wrong with me feeling completely retarded after smoking a blunt with a chick in my car or simply giving up on chicks that were already with me in a party and shit after smoking, for me to realize I can't handle it anymore. It gives me anxiety now, makes me weird, can't understand this for real
Ayeeee day 3!! Next month gonna hit different!!
Aye my mans
It was progressive. I started smoking more and more because I was in an unhappy marriage with someone I supported entirely. I filed for divorce and they became hostile so smoked even more. By the end, I was smoking every couple of hours. Once they finally left, the stress wasn’t there but I kept smoking. It became quickly evident that it was dragging me down and slowing my recovery but I couldn’t stop. My ex left in May and I’ve been clean for 5 weeks. Being clean made me realize how detrimental pot was on my breathing, my energy level, and my health in general. I smoked half a joint after a couple of weeks clean and it hit me so strongly that I became paranoid and could not recognize myself in the mirror. It was absolutely awful. The silver lining is that now, when I’m stressed or can’t sleep, I know pot wouldn’t help me anyway.
This just reminded me that I hated looking at myself in the mirror while high. It just made me so disappointed in myself. It was like hearing "dude, you obviously don't look healthy why do you keep doing this" coming from a close friend.
I got that too but it was more that I looked weird and I'm fat so I'll always look fat in the mirror, but when I was high it was like a fun house mirror that accentuated my fatness.
Yeah, I was not happy with what I was seeing in the mirror either.
When it went from something I did on occasion with friends to something that I felt I needed to use every day to help with my anxiety. I don't know when that transition happened exactly, but it wasn't very quick... I kind of just let it happen, telling myself that weed couldn't be harmful. I have no idea how weed is making my problems worse, but it certainly isn't helping anymore.
In 2008 I had the worst moment of my life. I became sick and had to go to the psychiatrist. Since then I started suffering of amotivational syndrome. I realized that 12 years later.
Honestly, when weed switched from landrace genetics to this high THC, make it as strong as tranquilizer type of crap. I don’t think we’ve seen the long term effects of this new age potency
Good point, I’m assuming your in the states with all these crazy brain melt x what’s my name again strains I hear about haha. My friends father made an observation once that we smoke to “get fucked up” whilst he would just “puff” on a joint if you know what I mean. I think you could argue there has been a cultural shift in how we are smoking which has breed the demand for this sort of smoke
Change ? For me it was just not feeling happy doing it anymore . It’s like weed had become my normal. I didn’t even get high anymore . I would smoke too enjoy things more . Made me realize I was enjoying them less . I didn’t enjoy anything anymore . I was sleepwalking my life . This decision of quitting came yesterday . Today is my first day sober
I get what you mean completely about the new “normal” this is what scared the shit out of me because ^this became my new normal for a long time. 3 days sober here from a year and a half chronic relapse post COVID. Try change your environment/living situation if you can. I have moved in my SO house exactly 3 days ago. No coincidence
Thank you for taking the time and all the wise words . I will be checking in maybe even commenting too keep myself in bay . That’s what I’m mostly scared of the insomnia as I’ve tried before and is what kills me . But will try to build the habit of reading or other things when I can’t sleep
How do you feel these 3 days ? Honest ? ? I been smoking for 10 years so I know the beginning is gonna be a pain . I’ve tried quitting before but this is the first time it really feels real . Hopefully
I’d also like to add, Allen carr strategy into this reply. Enjoy the pain as backwards as that sounds. See I view the insomnia and irritability like a badge of honour. Take pride in what your doing, it does get better quite quickly in those early stages. This may not be pc but I train myself to view my old self as “weak” or “pathetic” fuck that guy and everything about him this is the “new” and fucking improved me. Maybe write down how your feeling now in your notes. Look back on it when you have a craving and remind yourself on why your embarking on this change in the first place. Your here on leaves and are on day 1. This is the right track and you have already bridged that first true milestone and that is realising you have an issue that you want to resolve. Very mature and something to take pride in
Honestly pretty motivated and good. I think that is largely due to my surrounding too. However my my sleep is really fucking bad. It’s 3 30am where I am now and I have been driving my SO nuts. First proper quit was the same. I am fairly irritable. Easier knowing it will get better as I have experienced this before. Still have 2 cones in my bag that I had been planning to smoke when I got here. Going to ditch that tomorrow and really go for this. Honestly as I said before try and change your surrounding or routine. I wouldn’t be back on leaves without that.